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The Voice of the Denver Waldorf High School
November 2, 2009 Volume 2, Issue 2
Chronicles Of Waldorfia Illustration by Meril Shane
Happy Halloween!
Contents
The College Search Is Not So Bad
College Search OK
1
Arsenic Victorious
1 By Teddy Oja
Fugitive Update
2
3 Football Changes
2
Waldork Confessions
2
Obituaries
3
Dinner with the Dead
4
Smart Bovine Advice
5
Crossword Puzzle
6
Top Ten Costumes
6
HS Horoscopes
6
Rebus Puzzles
7
Sudoku
7
MS Horoscopes
7
Pencil Pals Comic
8
Goings-On at DWHS
8
The C.O.W. will be coming out weekly after Thanksgiving. Submissions are due November 17, 2009.
Contact the C.O.W. Denver Waldorf School 940 Fillmore Street Denver CO 80206
303-777-0531 x162 [email protected]
The single greatest that there are so many thing on the minds of high schools, so that everybody school upper-classmen is can find their perfect fit. It the college search. It haunts is because of the sheer them, and dwells in the back number of schools that of their minds. In my opinstandardized tests were ion, there just couldn’t be created, as well as the any more hoops to jump many college search aids. through. SATs, ACTs, Standardized tests are GPAs, and applications meant to separate students hang over my every thought into basic categories, tell and are driving me insane! you what subjects you That thrive would be a I write this article for the in, and-good example -most benefit of the lowerof how NOT imporclassmen who feel to think of the tantly--college admis- daunted by the experiwhat sions process. subjects ence ahead of them. A good way of you looking at it would be to don’t do well in. Your test think of it as just another results will help you to phase of your life, which find the right school, and will also pass. In fact, evewill serve as a flag to any ryone that I have ever spoother schools that think ken to about their college that you are their ideal experience has reflected student. upon it with a smile on their Still, it doesn’t hurt face. They described it as for you to look around for the best, most influential the right school, and not time of their life. How could just hope that it will come this be? to you. Over the summer, Colleges organize themif you find yourself near a selves with a specific type good school, even if you of student in mind. They don’t think you’ll like it base their classes around go and see it! Call and see this kind of student so that if you can get on a tour, he or she might thrive and and even if you can’t go to take to learning like a fish to the campus anyway and water. This is the reason walk around. Talk to a
couple of the students and ask them why they chose that school over the hundreds of others out there. I write this article for the benefit of the lower-classmen who feel daunted by the experience ahead of them, so much so that they are scared into inactivity. What I want you to do is go get a book listing some colleges and their qualities, talk to your parents about how they tackled the admissions process, and just relax. Think of it this way: if we teenagers can handle puberty, we can sure as hell handle looking for the right college!
Arsenic Wins By John Reinhart In the recent drama match between Arsenic and Old Lace, Arsenic proved victorious, securing the win with a late goal. After Hunter Curtis left the field, Arsenic scored the winning goal on latecomer Milandra Pfister. Sade Moore scored the point, assisted by Annie Coyle. Congratulations go to the entire 11th grade, reminding us that sweet old ladies are more dangerous than they seem. Great job!
Chronicles of Waldorfia
Volume 2, Issue 2
Page 2
C.O.W. Fugitive Update At last, we have had a stroke of luck! Our department has captured the suspect’s brother, and he has Fugitive T. Oja divulged a great deal of information on the whereabouts of his fugitive sibling, especially those aspects relating to his controversial upbringing. The brother, who insists his name is “Wyatt” though his close relationship to the person in question makes any of his statements prone to scrutiny, has confirmed the existence of the Denver Waldorf School. Many of our agents had begun to doubt its existence. We have yet to capture the suspect, but his life is becoming ever more fascinating to our department. We have given the brother a statement to repeat to his family if he is ever questioned about his severance of communication. It goes as such:
“Sorry, I’ve been buried in homework lately.” Our investigation has failed to produce any concrete results, and now I am beginning to wonder if the suspect is real. We have tried to arrange a meeting with Teddy on numerous occasions on the pretense that we are looking for literary contributions to the school’s newspaper, the Chronicles of Waldorfia, but he has yet to appear, and his articles have not materialized either. Perhaps our lack of subtlety in the code name of the newspaper alerted him. In retrospect, it was foolish to give the paper the same initials as our department. We thought that we had found the Waldorf School, but what we found was clearly not it. An inscription above the door read “School of St. Philomena,” proving the lead to be yet another dead-end.
Confessions of a Waldork Coming soon to a Waldorf bookshelf near you, it’s Confessions of a Waldork! Written by John Reinhart, lifetime veteran of the DWS and now high school humanities teacher, Confessions of a Waldork looks at one person’s experience of Waldorf education and how it contributed to his wacky adventures. Look for this title before the end of the school year. For more information, contact Lion Tamer’s Press: [email protected]
Confessions: An inside glance at the Waldorf experience.
Three Pro Football Changes think that each team should 1. Brett get a change to have the Super Favre I think I Bowl at their home field for speak for eve- three reasons. One: each city rybody when could use the economic boost I say that I m that the Super Bowl brings. By Hunter Curtis sick and tired Two: every fan should have of Brett Favre the opportunity to go to the retiring then coming back. Super Bowl, and not everyone He has retired three times should travel to it. Three: evenow, each time saying that ryone loves a high scoring he would never be back, but game, but wouldn’t it also be yet he returns. The first time cool to see a Super Bowl in it wasn’t so bad because he the snow, where teams would came back and played for be tested more? the Packers. The second 3. Players’ Helmets time was a bit worse, but It seems in every game, not too bad, because he on almost every play, a played in the AFC, where player’s helmet flies off. Most he wouldn’t have to play players barely keep their helagainst the PackPhoto by Bill Kelley met straps on. ers. The third Sooner or later time was like a someone is going to blow to the face get seriously injured to Packers fans because their helmet because he came is going to fall off back to play for and they are going to their rivals, the hit their head against Minnesota Visomebody else’s helkings. It looks met. There needs to like the only way be some sort of penthat Favre will The only way that alty against a player leave is if noFavre will leave is who doesn’t have body signs him, their helmet straps if...he dies on the on, or a player whose or if he dies on football field. helmet keeps falling the football field, and it looks like off. This will encourthe latter is more likely. age players to tighten their helmets, or keep all of their 2. The Location of the Suhelmet straps on before it’s per Bowl Every year the biggest too late. Sadly, it seems that game in pro football is this won’t happen until someplayed someplace nice and one gets hurt and it is already sunny or in a dome. Would- too late. n’t it be fun to watch a Super Bowl in the snow? I
Submissions for the next issue are due November 17, 2009
Chronicles of Waldorfia
Volume 2, Issue 2 Page 3
Obituaries Exploding Bunny Mr. Bunny loved to eat carrots. One day the bunny sneezed and exploded. He was remembered by his wondrous cow milking and was a champion chicken racer. Everyone was sad when he died and everyone ate pink bunny tails in his memory. ~ Niko Papas and Nolte Mehnert
Steven WalkerWeinshenker Steven James Martin WalkerWeinshenker died on Venus after exploding in an Aries rocket crash. At press time we do not know the date because the radio signal carrying it has not reached earth yet.
Dr. Caroline Heberton Dr. Heberton, beloved math teacher and conics connoisseur, passed away in a fit caused when a student inquired about dividing by zero. She is survived by the Riemann Hypothesis and a large stack of uncorrected math homework.
Old Lace, he neglected to properly dispose of the elderberry wine. What looked like grape juice turned out to be a lethal Brewster brew. He is survived by three canes, a pickup truck, and two pairs of faded blue jeans.
Magally Rizo Ms. Rizo was found asleep in the foreign language room after teaching 47 Spanish lessons to approximately 350 students, performing in a local play, and singing in four concerts last Friday. Attempts to wake her were unsuccessful. Her body was moved to the Day of the Dead display in the middle school hallway.
Vicki Hindes
Mrs. Hindes went into the 7th grade and never returned. Reports suggest she may have died when the costumes from the Shepherds’ Play leapt from their closet and smothered Mrs. Hindes. She is survived by an eager group of 7th graders with maniacal Ina Jaehnig Founder of the DWS and origina- looks. tor of the innovative language Mike McHenry program, Ina-English, Mrs. Mike McHenry, director of Jaehnig dropped dead from a student services in the high strong case of history. She is survived by a clean art room, and school, was recently found under a weighty pile of top several books in German. ten lists. Long admired for his ability to humor audiences Michael Baker with Waldorf flavored top ten Purveyor of all things wooden, lists, Mr. McHenry was apand proponent of sharp flying objects, Mr. Baker succumbed to parently trying to outdo himinjuries sustained during a tragic self by compiling a top eight million list. Police have deaccident involving a jammed supersoaker. Authorities suspect tained the top eight million blueberry, but are on the lookout list for questioning. for peach and strawberry as well.
Darlene Gaillot
David Johnson Mr. Johnson came to a dramatic end this Halloween. Having just finished directing Arsenic and
Beloved eight grade teacher, Mrs. Gaillot recently attempted to bring the American Revolution experience to
her classroom. Unfortunately, she succeeded all to well. She was lost at the Battle of Bunker Hill, along with a squadron of eighth grade students. Several students are still missing. The British suffered great losses, and President Obama plans to decorate Mrs. Gaillot at Christmas this year.
Michael Quinn Mr. Quinn suffered traumatic injuries during a recent dodgeball practice and later died. Rival dodgeball fanatics are suspected of digging a pit in the practice court and disguising the trap with a variety of sticks and leaves. Mr. Quinn is survived by a variety of strange gym equipment.
Judy Lucas Known to friends and colleagues as “the rock,” Ms. Lucas was found unconscious in her attic. Initial responders suspected she was simply preparing to teach transcendentalism, but following reports made it clear that Ms. Lucas had simply transcended. Ms. Lucas is survived by a wardrobe rivaled only Mr. Matuszewicz’s.
Mark Shepard While contemplating the meaning of life, the psychology of math wizards, and balancing three textbooks on his head, Mr. Shepard was blindsided by a rogue unicyclist wielding knitting needles. Mr. Shepard leaves behind important research on bottomless pits.
Jessie Cartwright Mrs. Cartwright was recently involved in a terrible unicycle accident. Attempting to become the first person to unicycle while skydiving, performing eurythmy, and knitting, her parachute was caught on her knitting needles and tore. Witnesses say Mrs. Cartwright achieved a “wicked bunny hop” before sliding off the side of a bottomless pit.
Alexis Brunhofer, Annie Coyle, and Kelsey Gaillot were recently voted to the First All-League Team. Kelsey was named 5280 Player of the Year, the top honor in the league! This is the second time a DWHS player was awarded player of the year, since Ashley Gaillot was recognized two years ago. Congratulations!
Chronicles of Waldorfia
Volume 2, Issue 2
Page 4
Dinner With The Dead I looked forward to Hallowpeople are upset that they didn't get the just plain old me again. een for a month before it arrived. present they wanted, or a little disap"What are you doing here, Poppy?" When the day finally rolled pointed that it's all over, and on ThanksGiven the circumstances, "How are around, I was so excited. I hadn't giving most people are stressed about you here?" might have been more apslept the night before because I making sure all the food is set up and propriate but I wasn't thinking. had been preparing my costume. ready. The same goes for most holidays "I'm here to take you to dinner, I was the Statue of Liberty with and gatherings; they're stressful and sweet pea." a torch, a book, and everything. aren't properly enjoyed by all. But Hal"But I already ate dinner." loween is just a chance to be silly and I woke up early, packed my childish again, with no expectations. "That's alright, June, you can eat costume into my bag, and preagain. You want to come to this dinpared for school. At school eveI went trick-or-treating with friends, rything was crazy. No one could and then had hot cocoa and sorted candy ner." concentrate when we were supwith my older brother. Finally, exSomething about his voice made posed to and when the teachers hausted, I went to sleep happy, and al- me agree, so I got up and put on my finally released us to get ready ready planning my costume for the next robe. He led me out into the dining all hell broke loose. The bathyear. Like I said, I loved Halloween. room where my family was sitting room was overflowing with girls I was dead asleep but something around the dinner table. But the dinner and trying to apply makeup or woke me up. At first I wasn't sure what table was three times the size it usually squeeze into a costume. it was, why I was awake on Halloween was, with three times the chairs, and I slipped into a stall, pulled after the excitement was over, why I was absolutely covered in all sorts of on my toga, and began painting wasn't sleeping. I glanced at the clock. foods. my visible skin green. I loved 11:30, still Halloween. So what had And also it wasn't my living family the idea of becoming someone woken me? that was gathered around the table, it else, even if only for a minute. Then I realized that I wasn't alone. was my dead family, my ancestors. I Sometimes I would do anything The first thing that alerted me was the saw my Grandma Nonny, my mother's to escape from my life and be a smell. I could distinctly smell the after- grandmother, and Ginny and Grindifferent person. Halloween is shave and soap of y favorite grandfa- diddy, Poppy's parents. I saw PV, my the perfect excuse to transform ther, Poppy. Indeed, when I looked dad's stepfather, and Papa Franklin, my yourself into whoever you want around he was sitting on the edge of my dad's grandfather. Grandma Nonny's to be. bed smiling at me. The maiden aunts were smiling at me and I could distinctly smell the When I thing about my Poppy waving, and Grandpa Joe, Grandma aftershave and soap of my is that he's dead. So Nonny's husband, was carving a turkey. was ready I emerged favorite grandfather, Poppy. you can imagine my Grandpa Joe always carved his turkeys into the confusion to find him just so. There were more dead relatives chaos of the bathroom. A couple sitting on my bed at 11:30 on Hallow- gathered in that room than I had living relatives. Some of them I'd never seen of the popular girls started to een. make snide comments about my "Poppy? Is that you?" I was afraid before, even in pictures, but somehow I just recognized them. costume but they slid right off of the answer. my like water off a duck. HalI was flabbergasted. My mind was "Yes, June Bug," he answered, "it's loween is the single day of the (Continued on page 5) me." year I was able to be anything I Poppy always called me June Bug, wanted and no one could belittle since my name is me when I was being someone June. It always made else. Why did the cow have to me feel special, like The day whizzed by in a wear a bell? when I was with my blur of happy laughter. It seems Poppy I was someone to me like Halloween is one day else, someone better. of the year that everyone can be Because its horns did not work. When he died, I was happy. On Christmas secretly
Chronicles of Waldorfia
Volume 2, Issue 2 Page 5
Dinner With The Dead
Bounty of Brilliance By Brilliant Bovine
one to hug me was my Poppy. He boggled and I couldn't underheld me close and whispered in stand how all these people came my ear "Don't worry, we're always to be in my home especially here with you." When he finally considering the fact that they let me go, much to soon for my were all dead. taste, I looked away for a second to clear the tears in my eyes. When "Don't worry, June, it's I looked back they had all gone. I okay, you'll understand in time." ran into my room, fell onto my Poppy broke into my shock. bed, and cried myself to sleep. "Come on and sit by me. We have some stories to tell you but I woke up the next morning we haven't got slowly. First I "So many questions," he re- became aware much time." plied. "Maybe you'll underof the light in I sat down the room, then stand in time." between him the smell. It and Aunt Ida, still smelled like my Poppy. I sat my dad's dad's aunt, with Ida's up abruptly, looking around for sister Ion across from me. The him, but he wasn't there. Instead next half hour passed in a riot of there was a little piece of paper good food eaten with good peowith the word "always" written on ple listening to good stories and it. I smiled to myself, a secret laughing. As the hour neared smile full of the happiness of fammidnight, Poppy took my hand ily. and said, "It's just about time for us to leave now, Miss Lee. I wasn't sad any longer, even We're glad you joined us." though everyone was gone. I was happy and filled with a content"But Poppy, how? How did ment born from the love of family. this happen? Will it happen Just then my mom walked in to again?" wake me up. She stopped a minute "So many questions," he and closed her eyes. When she replied. "Maybe you'll underopened them again, she looked stand in time." wistful but happy. She said, "Huh, With that everyone got up it smells like dad in here." and hugged and kissed me goodI just smiled, and gave her a bye. They all wished me well, hug. and gave me their love. The last (Continued from page 4)
Generous Donations The C.O.W. would like to acknowledge two anonymous donations from the middle school: 11¢, and a biodegradable spoon. The 11¢ will be used to defray printing costs. The C.O.W. appreciates the use of biodegradable flatware, and hopes some high schooler will find the yellowed spoon useful.
Dear BBB, I am a freshman and we just started Conics. Do you have any recommendations for surviving this first math block with my sanity, and maybe even a respectable grade? Sincerely, Mad Mathematician Dear MM, I sincerely regret to inform you that there is actually no hope for your sanity. As for the grade, it is possible to survive Conics and get a good grade. The key to this, along with working hard and trying, is going to talk to Doctor Heberton, aka Mrs. Heberton, aka Doc Heb, aka Dragon Lady. I know she appears fearsome and terrifying but going to talk to her will definitely assuage your fears and help her know that even if you aren’t doing so well, you’re at least trying your very hardest. Good luck!!! BBB Dear BBB, I’m a senior and already beginning to suffer from Senioritis. Should I go to the hospital? All this Swine Flu hype seems overrated. Why isn’t the government looking into senioritis? It seems much more dangerous!! Yours, Simply Silly Senior Dear Silly, As far as I know there is actually a secret government bureau investigating the obviously dangerous and apparently contagious worldwide pandemic of Senioritis. Unfortunately everyone on the case is an adult and, therefore, completely incapable of understanding anything to do with Senioritis. Maybe within the next twenty or thirty years they’ll figure out that asking seniors would be a good way to figure things out. Until then, all I can say is that there are no reported cases of terminal Senioritis and your best bet is to just grin and bear it. I certainly wish you all the best!! BBB
Chronicles of Waldorfia
Volume 2, Issue 2
Page 6
Escriba para las C.O.W.
Usted hará a amigos, tendrá éxito en vida, y comerá las calabazas.
By Irena Smith and Taylor Cornelius
La computadora loca. La computadora de la matemáticas.
Down 1. Helper in translation 2. To crash 3. To download 4. Printer 5. Computer bug 6. Antivirus program 7. e.g. Google 8. Keyboard 9. Receives internet signal Across 1. To surf 2. E-mail 3. Serving you 4. Internet 5. Webpage 6. Programmer 7. Word processing 8. Laptop 9. Where can I? 10. Program 11. To boot
Top Ten Scariest Halloween Costumes This Year 10. The Brothers Karamazov 9. A bank CEO 8. A conic section 7. A high interest rate 6. The national deficit 5. Homework 4. The Brewster sisters 3. Mr. Johnson the week before a play premieres 2. Mr. McClendon the week before an orchestra concert 1. A math quiz
La vaca mala.
Hint: If you find this crossword difficult, consult your foreign knowledge. At least two teachers will find this puzzle a brisa.
Horoscopes By Nevets Reklaw and Nilloc Esortnom Aries: You will get into a fat suit, red clothes and put on a fake beard and go around spreading Christmas cheer until you realize you’re getting ahead of yourself there.
Taurus: You will wake up with a pumpkin for a head, but that’s ok, the stars think you are more beautiful that way. Gemini: You will see a walking pumpkin this week and freak out until you remember you’re trick
or treating too. Cancer: You will wake up and discover you have been squashed flat by a giant pumpkin falling from the sky. Leo: You will receive many compliments on your (Continued on page 7)
Chronicles of Waldorfia
Volume 2, Issue 2 Page 7
Choose Your Poison
Horoscopes By Ian Connolly, Matthew Douglas-May, and Jasper Stone
(Continued from page 6)
costume this week, which is unfortunate because you forgot to wear it. Virgo: You will take the meaning of trick or treat too literally this week and make all the kids who come to your door run screaming to their mothers. Libra: The stars think that the two glowing red things in your sign this week can mean one of two things, that you are about to be taken by the devil or Mars has discovered its long lost evil twin. Scorpio: You will be knocked unconscious by thirty pumpkins falling on you from the roof of a building. When you wake up you will see Mr. Baker laughing at you. Sagittarius: You will
come trick or treating to a big wooden door and run away because you realized you went right back school Capricorn: A black cat will cross your path at midnight, but that’s ok, you don’t believe those silly superstitions, do you? Aquarius: A black cat and a pumpkin in your sign will cause you to duck and cover this week, as you will have to dodge them during your amateur astrology class Pisces: Pisces has become engorged on candy and will not be writing your horoscope this week, thereby giving you no warning of everything that’s going to happen to you. But just avoid any one in the medical profession.
be your delight, but only if Capricorn: You will be mauled by an angry elf, but your afternoon your parents say to eat your will include sunny skies with a veggies. chance of meatballs. Leo: You will get a part time job at ARC, but when you Aquarius: You will be attacked by a crazy hypocritical woman try on a hat, you will get who will paint your toenails. BUT, lice. your significant other Virgo: You will will compliment your eat magical You will be trampled twizzlers, turn luscious nails. by many cows. purple, and fly Pisces: Today is your lucky day. You will to Uranus. win lots of money, but lose it all at Libra: You will get taped whack-a-mole in Canada. naked to a statue for no reason at all. We don’t know Aries: WE JUST DON’T KNOW! You’re just a boring person. Get a why, but it just happens to life. all of us at some point. Taurus: You will be trampled by Scorpio: You will try to kiss many cows while shopping a a venus fly trap and get your Kmart. Luckily you will find a tongue bitten off. 75% off coupon and buy yourself Sagittarius: You will go a nice breezy pair of underwear. hunting for rabbits, then find a bear. Then a wolf will Gemini: You are just awesome because you’re name is awesome come, then an elephant. This because it rhymes with gem. Powill cause so much confutato. sion, you will return home and eat peas for a month. Cancer: Apples and bananas will
Sudoku
What do you call a pregnant cow? Calf-inated. What do you call a male cow? A cowboy.
Rebus Puzzles
Solution on the following page.
Chronicles of Waldorfia
Volume 2, Issue 2
Page 8
Goings-on at DWHS Social Committee: The Social Committee has been hard at work selling cool and refreshing sweets after school on Fridays. Sudoku Solution
sion. The Party salutes you, Spartans! Casino Night: The S.C. postponed its casino night until Friday, November 13. Ten percent of the $10 entrance fees will be donated to the Annual Giving Campaign. Games include Go Fish, Poker, Blackjack, and Pin
the Tail on Mr. Baker. Sprit Week: What says school spirit more than a neon-1980s Harry Potter cowboy? Fifty neon-1980s Harry Potter cowboys. Despite the snow days on Wednesday and Thursday, Spirit Week rocked.
Write for the C.O.W., man!
How do cows do math?
[email protected]
On a cow-culator.
Bart Simpson © Matt Groening
The S.C. made a special appearance at Arsenic and Old Lace as well. Keep up the fine work, comrades! Fugitive Sighting: Teddy Oja, C.O.W. fugitive #1, was sighted last Thursday ducking behind a parked car to avoid the watchful eyes of C.O.W. informants. Justice will yet prevail! Volleyball:The Spartans finished their season with an undefeated conference record, winning their divi-
November 2, 2009 Volume 2, Issue 2
Chronicles Of Waldorfia Illustration by Meril Shane
Happy Halloween!
Contents
The College Search Is Not So Bad
College Search OK
1
Arsenic Victorious
1 By Teddy Oja
Fugitive Update
2
3 Football Changes
2
Waldork Confessions
2
Obituaries
3
Dinner with the Dead
4
Smart Bovine Advice
5
Crossword Puzzle
6
Top Ten Costumes
6
HS Horoscopes
6
Rebus Puzzles
7
Sudoku
7
MS Horoscopes
7
Pencil Pals Comic
8
Goings-On at DWHS
8
The C.O.W. will be coming out weekly after Thanksgiving. Submissions are due November 17, 2009.
Contact the C.O.W. Denver Waldorf School 940 Fillmore Street Denver CO 80206
303-777-0531 x162 [email protected]
The single greatest that there are so many thing on the minds of high schools, so that everybody school upper-classmen is can find their perfect fit. It the college search. It haunts is because of the sheer them, and dwells in the back number of schools that of their minds. In my opinstandardized tests were ion, there just couldn’t be created, as well as the any more hoops to jump many college search aids. through. SATs, ACTs, Standardized tests are GPAs, and applications meant to separate students hang over my every thought into basic categories, tell and are driving me insane! you what subjects you That thrive would be a I write this article for the in, and-good example -most benefit of the lowerof how NOT imporclassmen who feel to think of the tantly--college admis- daunted by the experiwhat sions process. subjects ence ahead of them. A good way of you looking at it would be to don’t do well in. Your test think of it as just another results will help you to phase of your life, which find the right school, and will also pass. In fact, evewill serve as a flag to any ryone that I have ever spoother schools that think ken to about their college that you are their ideal experience has reflected student. upon it with a smile on their Still, it doesn’t hurt face. They described it as for you to look around for the best, most influential the right school, and not time of their life. How could just hope that it will come this be? to you. Over the summer, Colleges organize themif you find yourself near a selves with a specific type good school, even if you of student in mind. They don’t think you’ll like it base their classes around go and see it! Call and see this kind of student so that if you can get on a tour, he or she might thrive and and even if you can’t go to take to learning like a fish to the campus anyway and water. This is the reason walk around. Talk to a
couple of the students and ask them why they chose that school over the hundreds of others out there. I write this article for the benefit of the lower-classmen who feel daunted by the experience ahead of them, so much so that they are scared into inactivity. What I want you to do is go get a book listing some colleges and their qualities, talk to your parents about how they tackled the admissions process, and just relax. Think of it this way: if we teenagers can handle puberty, we can sure as hell handle looking for the right college!
Arsenic Wins By John Reinhart In the recent drama match between Arsenic and Old Lace, Arsenic proved victorious, securing the win with a late goal. After Hunter Curtis left the field, Arsenic scored the winning goal on latecomer Milandra Pfister. Sade Moore scored the point, assisted by Annie Coyle. Congratulations go to the entire 11th grade, reminding us that sweet old ladies are more dangerous than they seem. Great job!
Chronicles of Waldorfia
Volume 2, Issue 2
Page 2
C.O.W. Fugitive Update At last, we have had a stroke of luck! Our department has captured the suspect’s brother, and he has Fugitive T. Oja divulged a great deal of information on the whereabouts of his fugitive sibling, especially those aspects relating to his controversial upbringing. The brother, who insists his name is “Wyatt” though his close relationship to the person in question makes any of his statements prone to scrutiny, has confirmed the existence of the Denver Waldorf School. Many of our agents had begun to doubt its existence. We have yet to capture the suspect, but his life is becoming ever more fascinating to our department. We have given the brother a statement to repeat to his family if he is ever questioned about his severance of communication. It goes as such:
“Sorry, I’ve been buried in homework lately.” Our investigation has failed to produce any concrete results, and now I am beginning to wonder if the suspect is real. We have tried to arrange a meeting with Teddy on numerous occasions on the pretense that we are looking for literary contributions to the school’s newspaper, the Chronicles of Waldorfia, but he has yet to appear, and his articles have not materialized either. Perhaps our lack of subtlety in the code name of the newspaper alerted him. In retrospect, it was foolish to give the paper the same initials as our department. We thought that we had found the Waldorf School, but what we found was clearly not it. An inscription above the door read “School of St. Philomena,” proving the lead to be yet another dead-end.
Confessions of a Waldork Coming soon to a Waldorf bookshelf near you, it’s Confessions of a Waldork! Written by John Reinhart, lifetime veteran of the DWS and now high school humanities teacher, Confessions of a Waldork looks at one person’s experience of Waldorf education and how it contributed to his wacky adventures. Look for this title before the end of the school year. For more information, contact Lion Tamer’s Press: [email protected]
Confessions: An inside glance at the Waldorf experience.
Three Pro Football Changes think that each team should 1. Brett get a change to have the Super Favre I think I Bowl at their home field for speak for eve- three reasons. One: each city rybody when could use the economic boost I say that I m that the Super Bowl brings. By Hunter Curtis sick and tired Two: every fan should have of Brett Favre the opportunity to go to the retiring then coming back. Super Bowl, and not everyone He has retired three times should travel to it. Three: evenow, each time saying that ryone loves a high scoring he would never be back, but game, but wouldn’t it also be yet he returns. The first time cool to see a Super Bowl in it wasn’t so bad because he the snow, where teams would came back and played for be tested more? the Packers. The second 3. Players’ Helmets time was a bit worse, but It seems in every game, not too bad, because he on almost every play, a played in the AFC, where player’s helmet flies off. Most he wouldn’t have to play players barely keep their helagainst the PackPhoto by Bill Kelley met straps on. ers. The third Sooner or later time was like a someone is going to blow to the face get seriously injured to Packers fans because their helmet because he came is going to fall off back to play for and they are going to their rivals, the hit their head against Minnesota Visomebody else’s helkings. It looks met. There needs to like the only way be some sort of penthat Favre will The only way that alty against a player leave is if noFavre will leave is who doesn’t have body signs him, their helmet straps if...he dies on the on, or a player whose or if he dies on football field. helmet keeps falling the football field, and it looks like off. This will encourthe latter is more likely. age players to tighten their helmets, or keep all of their 2. The Location of the Suhelmet straps on before it’s per Bowl Every year the biggest too late. Sadly, it seems that game in pro football is this won’t happen until someplayed someplace nice and one gets hurt and it is already sunny or in a dome. Would- too late. n’t it be fun to watch a Super Bowl in the snow? I
Submissions for the next issue are due November 17, 2009
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Obituaries Exploding Bunny Mr. Bunny loved to eat carrots. One day the bunny sneezed and exploded. He was remembered by his wondrous cow milking and was a champion chicken racer. Everyone was sad when he died and everyone ate pink bunny tails in his memory. ~ Niko Papas and Nolte Mehnert
Steven WalkerWeinshenker Steven James Martin WalkerWeinshenker died on Venus after exploding in an Aries rocket crash. At press time we do not know the date because the radio signal carrying it has not reached earth yet.
Dr. Caroline Heberton Dr. Heberton, beloved math teacher and conics connoisseur, passed away in a fit caused when a student inquired about dividing by zero. She is survived by the Riemann Hypothesis and a large stack of uncorrected math homework.
Old Lace, he neglected to properly dispose of the elderberry wine. What looked like grape juice turned out to be a lethal Brewster brew. He is survived by three canes, a pickup truck, and two pairs of faded blue jeans.
Magally Rizo Ms. Rizo was found asleep in the foreign language room after teaching 47 Spanish lessons to approximately 350 students, performing in a local play, and singing in four concerts last Friday. Attempts to wake her were unsuccessful. Her body was moved to the Day of the Dead display in the middle school hallway.
Vicki Hindes
Mrs. Hindes went into the 7th grade and never returned. Reports suggest she may have died when the costumes from the Shepherds’ Play leapt from their closet and smothered Mrs. Hindes. She is survived by an eager group of 7th graders with maniacal Ina Jaehnig Founder of the DWS and origina- looks. tor of the innovative language Mike McHenry program, Ina-English, Mrs. Mike McHenry, director of Jaehnig dropped dead from a student services in the high strong case of history. She is survived by a clean art room, and school, was recently found under a weighty pile of top several books in German. ten lists. Long admired for his ability to humor audiences Michael Baker with Waldorf flavored top ten Purveyor of all things wooden, lists, Mr. McHenry was apand proponent of sharp flying objects, Mr. Baker succumbed to parently trying to outdo himinjuries sustained during a tragic self by compiling a top eight million list. Police have deaccident involving a jammed supersoaker. Authorities suspect tained the top eight million blueberry, but are on the lookout list for questioning. for peach and strawberry as well.
Darlene Gaillot
David Johnson Mr. Johnson came to a dramatic end this Halloween. Having just finished directing Arsenic and
Beloved eight grade teacher, Mrs. Gaillot recently attempted to bring the American Revolution experience to
her classroom. Unfortunately, she succeeded all to well. She was lost at the Battle of Bunker Hill, along with a squadron of eighth grade students. Several students are still missing. The British suffered great losses, and President Obama plans to decorate Mrs. Gaillot at Christmas this year.
Michael Quinn Mr. Quinn suffered traumatic injuries during a recent dodgeball practice and later died. Rival dodgeball fanatics are suspected of digging a pit in the practice court and disguising the trap with a variety of sticks and leaves. Mr. Quinn is survived by a variety of strange gym equipment.
Judy Lucas Known to friends and colleagues as “the rock,” Ms. Lucas was found unconscious in her attic. Initial responders suspected she was simply preparing to teach transcendentalism, but following reports made it clear that Ms. Lucas had simply transcended. Ms. Lucas is survived by a wardrobe rivaled only Mr. Matuszewicz’s.
Mark Shepard While contemplating the meaning of life, the psychology of math wizards, and balancing three textbooks on his head, Mr. Shepard was blindsided by a rogue unicyclist wielding knitting needles. Mr. Shepard leaves behind important research on bottomless pits.
Jessie Cartwright Mrs. Cartwright was recently involved in a terrible unicycle accident. Attempting to become the first person to unicycle while skydiving, performing eurythmy, and knitting, her parachute was caught on her knitting needles and tore. Witnesses say Mrs. Cartwright achieved a “wicked bunny hop” before sliding off the side of a bottomless pit.
Alexis Brunhofer, Annie Coyle, and Kelsey Gaillot were recently voted to the First All-League Team. Kelsey was named 5280 Player of the Year, the top honor in the league! This is the second time a DWHS player was awarded player of the year, since Ashley Gaillot was recognized two years ago. Congratulations!
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Dinner With The Dead I looked forward to Hallowpeople are upset that they didn't get the just plain old me again. een for a month before it arrived. present they wanted, or a little disap"What are you doing here, Poppy?" When the day finally rolled pointed that it's all over, and on ThanksGiven the circumstances, "How are around, I was so excited. I hadn't giving most people are stressed about you here?" might have been more apslept the night before because I making sure all the food is set up and propriate but I wasn't thinking. had been preparing my costume. ready. The same goes for most holidays "I'm here to take you to dinner, I was the Statue of Liberty with and gatherings; they're stressful and sweet pea." a torch, a book, and everything. aren't properly enjoyed by all. But Hal"But I already ate dinner." loween is just a chance to be silly and I woke up early, packed my childish again, with no expectations. "That's alright, June, you can eat costume into my bag, and preagain. You want to come to this dinpared for school. At school eveI went trick-or-treating with friends, rything was crazy. No one could and then had hot cocoa and sorted candy ner." concentrate when we were supwith my older brother. Finally, exSomething about his voice made posed to and when the teachers hausted, I went to sleep happy, and al- me agree, so I got up and put on my finally released us to get ready ready planning my costume for the next robe. He led me out into the dining all hell broke loose. The bathyear. Like I said, I loved Halloween. room where my family was sitting room was overflowing with girls I was dead asleep but something around the dinner table. But the dinner and trying to apply makeup or woke me up. At first I wasn't sure what table was three times the size it usually squeeze into a costume. it was, why I was awake on Halloween was, with three times the chairs, and I slipped into a stall, pulled after the excitement was over, why I was absolutely covered in all sorts of on my toga, and began painting wasn't sleeping. I glanced at the clock. foods. my visible skin green. I loved 11:30, still Halloween. So what had And also it wasn't my living family the idea of becoming someone woken me? that was gathered around the table, it else, even if only for a minute. Then I realized that I wasn't alone. was my dead family, my ancestors. I Sometimes I would do anything The first thing that alerted me was the saw my Grandma Nonny, my mother's to escape from my life and be a smell. I could distinctly smell the after- grandmother, and Ginny and Grindifferent person. Halloween is shave and soap of y favorite grandfa- diddy, Poppy's parents. I saw PV, my the perfect excuse to transform ther, Poppy. Indeed, when I looked dad's stepfather, and Papa Franklin, my yourself into whoever you want around he was sitting on the edge of my dad's grandfather. Grandma Nonny's to be. bed smiling at me. The maiden aunts were smiling at me and I could distinctly smell the When I thing about my Poppy waving, and Grandpa Joe, Grandma aftershave and soap of my is that he's dead. So Nonny's husband, was carving a turkey. was ready I emerged favorite grandfather, Poppy. you can imagine my Grandpa Joe always carved his turkeys into the confusion to find him just so. There were more dead relatives chaos of the bathroom. A couple sitting on my bed at 11:30 on Hallow- gathered in that room than I had living relatives. Some of them I'd never seen of the popular girls started to een. make snide comments about my "Poppy? Is that you?" I was afraid before, even in pictures, but somehow I just recognized them. costume but they slid right off of the answer. my like water off a duck. HalI was flabbergasted. My mind was "Yes, June Bug," he answered, "it's loween is the single day of the (Continued on page 5) me." year I was able to be anything I Poppy always called me June Bug, wanted and no one could belittle since my name is me when I was being someone June. It always made else. Why did the cow have to me feel special, like The day whizzed by in a wear a bell? when I was with my blur of happy laughter. It seems Poppy I was someone to me like Halloween is one day else, someone better. of the year that everyone can be Because its horns did not work. When he died, I was happy. On Christmas secretly
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Dinner With The Dead
Bounty of Brilliance By Brilliant Bovine
one to hug me was my Poppy. He boggled and I couldn't underheld me close and whispered in stand how all these people came my ear "Don't worry, we're always to be in my home especially here with you." When he finally considering the fact that they let me go, much to soon for my were all dead. taste, I looked away for a second to clear the tears in my eyes. When "Don't worry, June, it's I looked back they had all gone. I okay, you'll understand in time." ran into my room, fell onto my Poppy broke into my shock. bed, and cried myself to sleep. "Come on and sit by me. We have some stories to tell you but I woke up the next morning we haven't got slowly. First I "So many questions," he re- became aware much time." plied. "Maybe you'll underof the light in I sat down the room, then stand in time." between him the smell. It and Aunt Ida, still smelled like my Poppy. I sat my dad's dad's aunt, with Ida's up abruptly, looking around for sister Ion across from me. The him, but he wasn't there. Instead next half hour passed in a riot of there was a little piece of paper good food eaten with good peowith the word "always" written on ple listening to good stories and it. I smiled to myself, a secret laughing. As the hour neared smile full of the happiness of fammidnight, Poppy took my hand ily. and said, "It's just about time for us to leave now, Miss Lee. I wasn't sad any longer, even We're glad you joined us." though everyone was gone. I was happy and filled with a content"But Poppy, how? How did ment born from the love of family. this happen? Will it happen Just then my mom walked in to again?" wake me up. She stopped a minute "So many questions," he and closed her eyes. When she replied. "Maybe you'll underopened them again, she looked stand in time." wistful but happy. She said, "Huh, With that everyone got up it smells like dad in here." and hugged and kissed me goodI just smiled, and gave her a bye. They all wished me well, hug. and gave me their love. The last (Continued from page 4)
Generous Donations The C.O.W. would like to acknowledge two anonymous donations from the middle school: 11¢, and a biodegradable spoon. The 11¢ will be used to defray printing costs. The C.O.W. appreciates the use of biodegradable flatware, and hopes some high schooler will find the yellowed spoon useful.
Dear BBB, I am a freshman and we just started Conics. Do you have any recommendations for surviving this first math block with my sanity, and maybe even a respectable grade? Sincerely, Mad Mathematician Dear MM, I sincerely regret to inform you that there is actually no hope for your sanity. As for the grade, it is possible to survive Conics and get a good grade. The key to this, along with working hard and trying, is going to talk to Doctor Heberton, aka Mrs. Heberton, aka Doc Heb, aka Dragon Lady. I know she appears fearsome and terrifying but going to talk to her will definitely assuage your fears and help her know that even if you aren’t doing so well, you’re at least trying your very hardest. Good luck!!! BBB Dear BBB, I’m a senior and already beginning to suffer from Senioritis. Should I go to the hospital? All this Swine Flu hype seems overrated. Why isn’t the government looking into senioritis? It seems much more dangerous!! Yours, Simply Silly Senior Dear Silly, As far as I know there is actually a secret government bureau investigating the obviously dangerous and apparently contagious worldwide pandemic of Senioritis. Unfortunately everyone on the case is an adult and, therefore, completely incapable of understanding anything to do with Senioritis. Maybe within the next twenty or thirty years they’ll figure out that asking seniors would be a good way to figure things out. Until then, all I can say is that there are no reported cases of terminal Senioritis and your best bet is to just grin and bear it. I certainly wish you all the best!! BBB
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Escriba para las C.O.W.
Usted hará a amigos, tendrá éxito en vida, y comerá las calabazas.
By Irena Smith and Taylor Cornelius
La computadora loca. La computadora de la matemáticas.
Down 1. Helper in translation 2. To crash 3. To download 4. Printer 5. Computer bug 6. Antivirus program 7. e.g. Google 8. Keyboard 9. Receives internet signal Across 1. To surf 2. E-mail 3. Serving you 4. Internet 5. Webpage 6. Programmer 7. Word processing 8. Laptop 9. Where can I? 10. Program 11. To boot
Top Ten Scariest Halloween Costumes This Year 10. The Brothers Karamazov 9. A bank CEO 8. A conic section 7. A high interest rate 6. The national deficit 5. Homework 4. The Brewster sisters 3. Mr. Johnson the week before a play premieres 2. Mr. McClendon the week before an orchestra concert 1. A math quiz
La vaca mala.
Hint: If you find this crossword difficult, consult your foreign knowledge. At least two teachers will find this puzzle a brisa.
Horoscopes By Nevets Reklaw and Nilloc Esortnom Aries: You will get into a fat suit, red clothes and put on a fake beard and go around spreading Christmas cheer until you realize you’re getting ahead of yourself there.
Taurus: You will wake up with a pumpkin for a head, but that’s ok, the stars think you are more beautiful that way. Gemini: You will see a walking pumpkin this week and freak out until you remember you’re trick
or treating too. Cancer: You will wake up and discover you have been squashed flat by a giant pumpkin falling from the sky. Leo: You will receive many compliments on your (Continued on page 7)
Chronicles of Waldorfia
Volume 2, Issue 2 Page 7
Choose Your Poison
Horoscopes By Ian Connolly, Matthew Douglas-May, and Jasper Stone
(Continued from page 6)
costume this week, which is unfortunate because you forgot to wear it. Virgo: You will take the meaning of trick or treat too literally this week and make all the kids who come to your door run screaming to their mothers. Libra: The stars think that the two glowing red things in your sign this week can mean one of two things, that you are about to be taken by the devil or Mars has discovered its long lost evil twin. Scorpio: You will be knocked unconscious by thirty pumpkins falling on you from the roof of a building. When you wake up you will see Mr. Baker laughing at you. Sagittarius: You will
come trick or treating to a big wooden door and run away because you realized you went right back school Capricorn: A black cat will cross your path at midnight, but that’s ok, you don’t believe those silly superstitions, do you? Aquarius: A black cat and a pumpkin in your sign will cause you to duck and cover this week, as you will have to dodge them during your amateur astrology class Pisces: Pisces has become engorged on candy and will not be writing your horoscope this week, thereby giving you no warning of everything that’s going to happen to you. But just avoid any one in the medical profession.
be your delight, but only if Capricorn: You will be mauled by an angry elf, but your afternoon your parents say to eat your will include sunny skies with a veggies. chance of meatballs. Leo: You will get a part time job at ARC, but when you Aquarius: You will be attacked by a crazy hypocritical woman try on a hat, you will get who will paint your toenails. BUT, lice. your significant other Virgo: You will will compliment your eat magical You will be trampled twizzlers, turn luscious nails. by many cows. purple, and fly Pisces: Today is your lucky day. You will to Uranus. win lots of money, but lose it all at Libra: You will get taped whack-a-mole in Canada. naked to a statue for no reason at all. We don’t know Aries: WE JUST DON’T KNOW! You’re just a boring person. Get a why, but it just happens to life. all of us at some point. Taurus: You will be trampled by Scorpio: You will try to kiss many cows while shopping a a venus fly trap and get your Kmart. Luckily you will find a tongue bitten off. 75% off coupon and buy yourself Sagittarius: You will go a nice breezy pair of underwear. hunting for rabbits, then find a bear. Then a wolf will Gemini: You are just awesome because you’re name is awesome come, then an elephant. This because it rhymes with gem. Powill cause so much confutato. sion, you will return home and eat peas for a month. Cancer: Apples and bananas will
Sudoku
What do you call a pregnant cow? Calf-inated. What do you call a male cow? A cowboy.
Rebus Puzzles
Solution on the following page.
Chronicles of Waldorfia
Volume 2, Issue 2
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Goings-on at DWHS Social Committee: The Social Committee has been hard at work selling cool and refreshing sweets after school on Fridays. Sudoku Solution
sion. The Party salutes you, Spartans! Casino Night: The S.C. postponed its casino night until Friday, November 13. Ten percent of the $10 entrance fees will be donated to the Annual Giving Campaign. Games include Go Fish, Poker, Blackjack, and Pin
the Tail on Mr. Baker. Sprit Week: What says school spirit more than a neon-1980s Harry Potter cowboy? Fifty neon-1980s Harry Potter cowboys. Despite the snow days on Wednesday and Thursday, Spirit Week rocked.
Write for the C.O.W., man!
How do cows do math?
[email protected]
On a cow-culator.
Bart Simpson © Matt Groening
The S.C. made a special appearance at Arsenic and Old Lace as well. Keep up the fine work, comrades! Fugitive Sighting: Teddy Oja, C.O.W. fugitive #1, was sighted last Thursday ducking behind a parked car to avoid the watchful eyes of C.O.W. informants. Justice will yet prevail! Volleyball:The Spartans finished their season with an undefeated conference record, winning their divi-
