Corporate Ninja Casual Dress Code -- Dress To Kill

Proper ninja casual attire Ninjalistics, your leading provider of ISO 9000-compliant corporate espionage and assassination solutions, recommends all frontline assassins prefer proper business clothing. Some Ninjalistics divisions permit more casual officewear, such as Information Technology, Custodial, and the Ninth Auspicious Chrysanthemum School. Yet even under such circumstances, maintain proper decorum. Do not disappoint us—you are ninja!

Earrings: Should conceal thin razors for slicing ropes, power cords, or, in emergencies, throats.

Shirt or blouse: Although you may be garbed nontraditionally, ensure clothing is dark and suitable for blending into shadows while still remaining nondescript in an urban environment. (For seductionoriented infiltration methods, different guidelines may apply. Consult Human Resources.)

Shirt or blouse buttons: Buttons may contain poison dosages (cyanide, arsenic, iocaine) or smoke powder. Alternatively, depending on your department and training, you may be authorized for listening device emplacement.

Undergarments: In general, do not rely on your own judgment; consult your manager (with appropriate supervision). Some fabrics can be dissolved in water to produce acid, but such garments may provoke allergic reaction. For seductionoriented infiltration assignments, mission guidelines vary regarding edibility.

Hair: Long hair may be thrown over your face as emergency obfuscation, should you suffer a mask-related mishap. Consider wearing a colorful berette made of plastic explosive. Cosmetics: Poison lipstick should be used according to guidelines specified in Information Flyer P33, Kiss Kiss Kill Kill. Poison eyeliner has shown mixed results to date; consult your manager.

Belt buckle: In earlier years it was typical to hone the inner edge to razor sharpness. This function is now more properly handled with earrings, tooth fillings, or shoelace aglets. Current best buckle practice is to install a micro GPS unit for easy tracking by your operations manager. Inexplicably high failure rates of belt-buckle GPS units are under investigation. Gold piping on pants: Ensure all metal in your clothing is silenced. The honor of Ninjalistics would be besmirched if an operative, while effecting a paradigm transition on a client’s behalf, were to clink distractingly.

Woman’s heels: Ensure the heel can be removed and used as a throwing dart.

Backpack: Conceal at least 20g of smoke powder in double-sealed compartment at bottom of backpack. Preferably include climbing claws or grapnel as well.

Remember: Dress to kill! Copyright ©2009 Ninjalistics. Written by Humza Kazmi. Backpack photo by Kate Elliott (kate e. did), posted on Flickr under a Creative Commons license.

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