Ch5

MEENAKSHI She was like Vishwamitra's Menaka, Muni Agastya's Urvashi Manu's shraddha, and Rishi Parshar's 'Khatik Balika'. But I would like to address her as Meenakshi, not Menaka.I could dicern in her the traits of Shraddha,Urvashi and Menaka. Two days prior to the Bhagwat Yagna, as I was returning from my daily dip, I was attracted by the musical notes of a woman's anklets. I turned to the direction of the sound and came face to face with most a beautiful dazzling apparition of the 'divine mother'. She stood before me in the same guise of the young maiden from 'Kalichaur' Overwhelmed with profound, emotion, I ran towards her, and threw myself at her feet. She raised me gently from her feet caressed me lovingly and said "You had to wait for me for a long time? But, why should you be attached to me so much?. Attachment of any kind, be it of gods and goddess. Moksha and liberation, is not good. You have to move onwards, independently: Precisely, because of this reason I have come late. Do not look upon me as the ultimate boundary (seema). Your destination is beyond me. I merely come to you to give guidance. I am eliminating the sanskaras of the past. But your fondness for me which is growing day by day, is contrary to what is expected from you. Kapil - you must remember that you are an Adwaitva and you should maintain your identity. Keep away form the fusion of 'Dwaita Dwaita' I have given you a lot but you should refuse to be swayed by me, a woman is an amalgamation of various emotions. She is not only a symbol of beauty and affection, but also of insatiable love". "Look at me, look at my face, my youth, my hair and my dress-how do I look". when I looked at her I found her in the guise fo a worldly young woman clad in a salwar suit, her hair cut short and and enchantling simile lingering on her radiant face. With unblinking eyes I stood gazing at her beauty for sometime, and then abruptly, I turned around, and started walking in the opposite direction. But which ever direction I chose to turn, I found her standing in front of me, Finally I gave up, and in a mood of total exasperation sat down on the edge of a pond. The sweet music of the jingling anklets, produced an enticing effect on me. I could not pretend to be unruffled any longer, so I marched towards the dancing form of the female and slapped her. In a mocking tone I said "You foolish woman, everywhere you are only keen on, exhibiting your passion, and thirst? I will break your bones and throw you near the sea. Your ego will be your undoing. With closed eyes, I continued to slap her. She laughed and said "Why don't you open your eyes and see that your slap has left its imprint on my cheeks". The voice that spoke was of no one but the divine mother's, which brought me back to my sense. I opened my eyes and beheld her in the divine state. She smiled at me and said - "Kapil : you have to be careful of Meenakshi, because the Menaka that is hidden within her will try to tempt you with her beauty and sensousness. Her mute invitation of love will try to over power you, and will become the obstactle in your spiritual pursuits. But you have to be indifferent to the amourous pursits of Meenakshi. You should tenaciously, continue to move on your path which alone, will take you beyond life and death. The slap that you hurled on Meenakshi is an indication of your victory. However, the infinite powers of a woman should still not be over looked. A woman is a Mayic creation, just as Mahalaksmi is the symbol of Vishu, Maha Saraswati is Bramha's creation, I am shiva's Tapsya (Penance). Ram's love for Sita and Krishan's 'Rasdance' all reflect the vital position of 'woman'. Therefore, you have to break the mayic web of 'woman' and go 'beyond''. 'Meenakshi is an insatiable soul. Rishi Parsahar, Agastaya and Vishwamitra succumbed to the tempations of 'woman' and were lost forever, Menaka and Meenakshi, represent only one person. Dwaits depends on the 'Adwaita', but 'Adwaita' is independent. And with these parting words, the apparition of the divine mother disappeared. The arrival of Harendra Singh broke my reverie, and I returned to reality. On the extreme end of the ghat I glimpsed the smiling figure of champa and instantly guessed that she had also witnessed the divine apparition of the mother, because, she is endowed with this spiritual insight. I returned to my hut and tried to meditate but could not concentrate for the face, continued, to haunt me. My restlessness increased, I gave up my efforts to meditate, and came out of my hut. Even in the open I could not get rid of the 'Face' which seemed to dwell in each and every place. The presence of the face became so over powering, that I started sweating profusely. Agitatedly, I began to walk here and there. The beauty of the roses growing in that area attracted my attention. And the desire to pluck the flowers awoke within me. I wanted to crush it, but instead, was swayed by it.

I was cought off guard by the sound of someone's sweet voice "Why don't you pluck these blossoms, and adorn your locks with them. Their transient life will become fruitful. Startled, I almost dropped the flower, when I found myself face to face with an extremeley beautiful maiden. I was drawn to her irrestible, provocative beauty. She plucked a rose and dropped it at my feet in a sensual gesture. I immediately withdrew my self and severely reprimanded her at her blatant shamelessness. But she deliberately turned a deaf ear to my angry words and continued to voice her own thoughts. You are a yogi, and dressed only in a kopin, with ash smeared on your forehead, you wander from place to place. Men and women are your visitors. The yogi is concerned only with souls which has no gender, and can be percieved on an equal plane. If this is so, then why are you so nervious with me? Why are you perturbed by my female form? Why don't you percieve my soul and over look, my female physical attributes? You are a yogi of the highest order, therfore you have every reason not be perturbed by my presence. I consider myself immune to social pressures. But you appear vulnerable to social toboos. Thus, in her controlled voice, she threw light on the spiritual values. My response was neither negative nor positive, for was cought in the midst of two contradictions - light and darkness, which owe their existence to each other. Why are you so pensive? she remarked, and broke my thought sequence. "I understand, you alleviate the sufferings of people who come to you? I have also come to you with the similar intention" And saying thus, she stretched her palm before me. This gesture only exaggerated my exasperation, I stared at her seriously and said "Don't try to harass me Meenakshi, just leave me alone". No sooner the words were out of my mouth, Meenakshi got up with a start and said sarcastically "So you know my name also? Well, did you read my name inscribed on my plam? Will you be kind enough to tell me, where I should go now? she refused to budge from that place, and in her frustration, threw the mauled flowers to the ground. Unmoved by her rash behaviour, I silently got up and left the place. After a long interval, when I retured to my hut, I found Meenakshi already seated there. She did not say anything, only picked up the book on palmistry and went away. Many Mahatamas and respectable citizens of the area assembled at my place in the eveing to exchange notes on the preparatins of Yagna which was scheduled for the next day. In the morning the yana started as per the programe. Men and weman, from far off places came to participate in the yagna. Meenakshi also came and easily made herself amiable to the group of woman which was sitting there. She however, made herself confortable against the wall of my hut. Her casualness only reflected her total disregard to decorum which becomes o waman. Despite her noticeable casualness she appeared to be in awe of me. Meenakshi's ready wit, attracted the attention of many males who were present there. They became rather curious to know the identity of the woman who could be witty as well as unorthodox in her behaviour. But the sudden hue and cry from the crowd diverted the attention from Meenakshi to the wailing women, and the Bhagawat had to be stoped for the time being. The sudden death of a four month's old infant created a total chos in the crowd. Meenakshi, in a dramatic gesture, picked up the dead infant and placed it at my feet, and said "You must revive this infant, otherwise this incident will leave a stigma on your life". I consoled the wailing crowd, closed my hut and went into a deep "Samadhi", I stayed in this position for couple of hours. Meanwhile, Meenakshi gave a light massage to the dead baby. Gradually, the reviving tremous shook the body of the infant, the breathing became stronger, and the resurrected child startcd crying. Meenakshi, came out the hut and hunded over the child to the mother. When I emerged from my hut after an hour I was greeted by the jubilant crowd. Inwardly I was not at peace, with myself, for I had violated the law of 'Nature'. Meenakshi had won, and I had lost. Her loughter filled me with an unknown fear. I had the uncanny feeling that Meenakshi intended to occupy a place in my "eternal garden" and destroy all the 'kamaldal' flowers. When 'Bhagwat' started all over again, returned to my hut and occupied my seat. Throughout the day, the conversation of the people revolved round the 'miracle' and the resurrected child. In the evening the 'Bhagawat' came to an end and 'Prasad' was distributed to everyone. I came out of my hut and headed towards the 'Arkory' cave, to ruminate over the incident, that had occurred during the day. But Jayanti arrived on the scene and did not allow me to have a quiet moment. She too, tried to force me to read her hand. I some how managed to send her back and in a fit of utter disgust. I threw out the 'asana'. Jayanti and Meenkshi watched me, as I walked towards my hut with solemnity write on my face. To my dismay I realized, that rather unwittingly I was caught between the two banks - (Meenakshi & Jayanti).

I started transmitting my 'thought waves' to the two women, inorder to influence their amorous attitudes and free myself from the predicament. Jayanti, meekly, started walking back, but meenakshi reacted in an unexpected manner, Instead of retreating, she joyously ran toward me and caught me in her embrace. Suddenly there was a dramatic change in the atmosphere, it became musical and sensuous. And I found myself drowning in the depths of a romantic atmosphere. Before, Meenakshi could inflict further damage on me, my saviour the 'divine mother appeared and pulled me out of the darkness. Mother's touch broke the intoxicating spell and I became conscious of myself and the surroundings. Dressed in white robes, she stood before me. She seemed a little angry, but still she spoke to me soothingly "You are drifting away from your faith, and by violating the laws of 'Natue' you are bringing in your downfall. If I had'nt appeared at the crucial moment you would have succumbed to Meenakshi's enticement, and would have caused your own damnation. Since Meenakshi is burning with revenge she can make you her prey whenever she desires to do so. A woman not only symbolises inspiration she can also become a curse. A woman can never be your weakness so you should never be in awe of her. On the contrary, you should became a symbol of inspiration to all females. Take charge of Meenakshi, and your path will become free from all the obstacles. You must leave this place for the time being, for, the change will be beneficial to you. The divine mother reached me safely to my hut and disappeared. Inside the hut, I purified myself, and the place with mantras and water, and sat on my 'Asana' to concentrate on my 'Jap'. The entire atmosphere of the hut was permeated with thought vibrations saturated with affection and noble emotions. The following day, the hut was crowded us usual and Meenakshi was also there. But today she could not dominate the scene, because champa satwal frustrated all her actions. The presence of mothers and sisters filled the atmosphere with thought vibration of sisterly and maternal affection. Moreover, the arrival of 'Augarh Baba' 'Ram Baba' and other Mahatamas, enhanced the purity of the place. Finding herself a misfit in the spiritual crowd, Meenakshi vanished from the scene. Finally, next day, the 'Havan' came to an end with the 'Purna - Ahuti', and the vistors gradually went back to their respective places. I stayed in 'Nal Damyanti' for a couple of days more, and then left for 'Ajmer' along with 'Vaid Baba' AT Ajmer I tried to organise a yagna, but the presence of selfish elements, did not allow me to do so. So I disappeared from the Jaipur station and returned to the balmy sanctuary - the Himalayas, "During this time Meenakshi continued to pursue me she was determined to play an important role in my life. But I was bound for the Himalayas and was indifferent to all her endeavours. Although I found sanctuary in the serene crags of the Himalayas, yet I could not break Meenakshi's spell which had again started affecting me. Champa tried her best to bring me out of the magetic spell, but I turned a deaf ear to her pleadings. My association with Meenakshi generated unhealthy gossip about me, but my careless attitude remained unchanged. One day, while I walked back from Almora, I was caught in the rains on the way, I was surprised to find Meenakshi in a disheveled condition. Unmindful of the rain and the increasing darkness, she attempted to devour all my spiritual achievements by her recklesness. At that moment she was no longer my inspiration, but the curse incarnate. I was incensed at her upredictable action, and in a fit of dark rage I slapped her viciously. My slap took her breath away, for a moment she remained still and then said in a grave voice "Yogiraj, finally you have won and I have lost, from today onwards I cease to be Meenakshi - Now I am Menaka. Revenge was my prime motive. At every juncture of your life I wanted to become the cause of your downfall. Deep down, I was not interested in this role of revenge and lust, but there are some who insinuated me into this. Your slap has been a revelation to me. This is their defeat not mine, therefore, I should bid you farewell. My story has come to an end now. My best wishes to you yogi" - "So, that very night meenakshi's life story came to an end".