Carnival Surfeit.docx

Carnival Surfeit Alice’s well of patience had run dry, and she was too old to be waiting for someone to check on her while in the bath. Alice lumbered out the tub and refilled it. No matter how much she did it or braced herself the coldness still bit at her. Alice mumbled the mantra to herself, eyes closed. In time, it’d be like her body wasn’t even there. Television noise and the scent of breakfast were pervasions to be ignored, pervasions that dulled with to her senses with time, and with their absence Alice awoke. The world was an ocean, but Alice didn’t need to breathe. She carried on through black waters. The only light near her being a vibrant blue that outlined her body. There was a lone light, brilliant enough dark receded. Alice flew towards it, because here there was no need to swim. The lights connected, forming an iridescent pocket that was almost its own world within the vast ocean. She reached out, waves of relief flowed within her. Alice woke. Her wet hair clung to her face as she climbed out. She dried off and changed into a sleeveless black and blue checkered shirt with a collar and white shorts. She carried her shoes downstairs and put them beside the front door. “Morning.” Allison sat on the counter, a leg atop the sink. She was fixated on the tv and didn’t realize she’d came downstairs until Alice dropped a fork mid-bite. “Enjoy, it’s all ready,” Allison said. Alice shoveled more of the omelet in her mouth. “Mushrooms?” “Made that one just for you.” Allison smirked. The omelet was finished, along with the hash browns. Alice burped into her hand. “Please turn the tv,” Alice said. The tv had been reporting about a Summer art festival. Every interview they did managed to be more awkward than the last. “Nah. Watch cartoons when no one’s here, gives us plausible deniability when you wear that dumb ribbon in public,” Allison said. “It’s not even for kids—” “It’s a cartoon.” Allison threw Alice the remote. “I wasn’t here.” The oven dinged. Allison slid off the counter and used two dry dish rags to take out the tray Alice took one, bit down. The heat flayed her tongue causing Alice to let the piece fall out her mouth. Allison watched, grinning. “I wish I could take credit for that,” Allison said. “Not sorry though.” “It’s fine.” “Why can’t you be patient?” Evie called from the stairs.

“I was,” Alice said. Evie hurried down the stairs in an old night gown with a black bath robe over it. She sounded angry, but looked bored, no, tired. “When one need starts to overlap with the other, waiting stops being necessary,” Alice said, “I’m doing fine.” She grinned. “Ok. Sure.” Evie went back up the stairs, not in any noticeable hurry. “You won’t be here long anyway.” Alice had a remark for that, but that Alice was in the past now. She slipped on her shoes and waited for Allison. They biked to school. Alice wanted to enjoy riding through Green Rock, and Allison wasn’t pedaling faster than what was needed to keep moving. They went from meager apartments and houses to a part where it seemed like people lived there. “Hey,” Allison said. “Not going to say she didn’t mean it but being upset definitely made her phrase it that way.” “Well, it isn’t baseless. I might.” Allison took a few minutes to speak again. “You don’t have to.” They were at school. “Talk about this later?” “There isn’t much to talk about.” They locked their bikes to a rack. “Morning Alices,” Rory said. She looked at Alice in confusion. Alice glanced down at herself. “I’m pretty sure I didn’t wear these yesterday." “Not talking about your clothes, it’s just hard to look at you, you’re glowing…The sun?” Rory looked at Allison. “You too, in a different way.” “Elaborate on that?” Allison asked. Rory ran a hand through her red hair, thinking on what to say. “It’s hard to explain. I mean, in both a literal and metaphorical sense.” “That’s not helping,” Allison said. “Agreed.” Alice added. Rory exhaled in defeat, to Alice’s disappointment. “Anyway, Alice, reflection at the Holistol Saturday? The invitation is open to you too, Allison.” “Firm no until you all stop doing that ring crap,” Allison said. “Anyway, I need to go. Stay hydrated Rory.” The two watched her leave. “You all worship on Saturday now?”

“No, I brought that up to make her go away,” Rory said, “I need to submit a picture for a contest soon, and I didn’t need Allison jumping in and turning it into a game.” Alice shrugged. “You know what type of opinions to expect.” “See you this afternoon then,” Rory said. “Oh yeah, did you see my parents this morning?” “No, why?” Rory looked up for a moment. “I think they got aggressive with cleaning and the entire house smells like a laundry mat.” They walked into school, chatting about nothing. The two waved each other off when it was time for classes to begin. The fastest way to the band room was to go straight through the cafeteria near the hall with an exit to the bus ramp. The band room was down another hall there, first door to the left, black and blue music notes around the frame. There was around twenty people. That wasn’t including those who didn’t even play an instrument, like Alice. Alice sat in the back row next to a girl named Fliss who had hood pulled on while drawing, like some office worker hunched over a desk filling out forms. Discussions between the were rare and Alice only sat beside her because no one with instruments sat that far back and due to their mutual relationship with the club. Still, Alice greeted her for the morning and was greeted back by mumbling. It was something at least. There wasn’t much to do, so Alice took out a book and began reading. The plan was to read a few chapters of books she considered dumb fun and studying for the rest of class. A few more people came, Joanna included, taking the seat in front of Fliss. She half-turned towards them. All Alice could see was herself in her shades. It made it difficult to look at her straight. “Joy’s sure remnants are running around town, somehow,” Joanna said, “club meeting tomorrow.” She turned towards Fliss. “And it’s mandatory if you want to stay here.” Fliss kept drawing, like she wasn’t even there. “Felicity, this is serious. If you slacked off—" Joanna stopped. “Sorry, no more condescension. Be upfront, right? You screwed up. Hide from the problem, confront up. It’ll blow up on you either way.” She took a book out her bag too big for the music stand. Alice wished she could do something. The reasons and ideas for Fliss danced around in here head. It was hard to pick any to go by, and even if she did settle on one she wasn’t sure she was knowledgeable enough to follow up. Well, Fliss didn’t seem to want help herself anyway.

Rory’s home was off a beaten path on the edge of Green Rock, which was mostly someone’s farm and a stretch of abandoned buildings before hitting nothing but the woods. No one would

stumble upon it by chance or find it without getting lost first. That was the reason her grandparents chose it, so she said. Alice cut right through the farm. Grass was harder to pedal on, but the time saved not going around it balanced things. Rory’s house was on a narrow dirt road across from her. The street sign for it almost illegible. Her parents owned a quaint trailer. The yard was littered with leaves and some plants grew through the cracks in the porch. Alice set her bike at the side of the it and knocked on the door. Rory answered. The two greeted each other. Inside, Alice’s nose was assaulted by smells of aerosol spray, soap, and bleach. She got used to it, but it was almost difficult to breath at first. And she couldn’t complain that someone loved cleaning their home. Alice sat beside Rory on the couch. The tv was muted, playing a cartoon with gray people lounging around showed. Alice couldn’t recall the name, but she knew the show had went through so many revisions it had enough pilot episodes for an entire season. Rory’s album was on the table. A brown binder with her name stylized in white. She grabbed it and flipped through it like a book. “I didn’t want to waste all of your time here, so I was going to choose some of the photos I thought were the best, but you came so early and I didn’t really have time to choose the photos—” “You be you,” Alice said. She didn’t really mind, it was interesting watching the tv without any context. Rory took two commercial breaks to find and lay out the photos. They were the usual Alice had seen of Rory’s photography. Religious symbols, buildings Alice forgot the moment they left her view, and Rory herself. Alice picked up the one her eyes focused on the most. Rory sat under a tree, hugging her knees. The photo was warm for some reason and Alice noticed some shape that seemed to be smeared across the top of the tree. “Where’d you take this one?” Rory was already leaning over her shoulder. “That’s when me and my parents went to the fair, around the time it was over, I think.” “Did you leave this on a heater? Why is it so warm?” Alice examined the photo until Rory took it from her. “I don’t know, the sun?” said Rory. She looked at Alice. “You’re glowing again.” “Well it’s not good, rip it and let’s move on,” Alice said. “Maybe take a break too since cleaning fumes are making you hallucinate.” Rory agreed, looking sullen. She began to rip the photo and her body jolted causing her to drop it.

Alice asked if she was ok, and Rory nodded. Alice held the picture in one hand. The tear near the top emitted heat that reminded her of steam. She sat there and began to think. In front of her was an enigma that she already had ideas about. Those feelings and concepts built on one another, forming a link that extended from herself to something beyond. For a moment Alice felt cold, empty. Something from her body left. A moment later something alien, but familiar, returned. The world became shrouded in various colors that ranged in how intensely they shone. The photo Alice held was cast in a red fog. The flow of it undulated from the center to the edges towards the tear, spilling a crimson cloud onto the floor. A cloud that didn’t rise but continued to expand by breadth across the floor by the minute. Alice changed the link inside herself, following a similar process. The house rose and the ends of it burst to reveal a pink void littered with red stars. Rory shouted at Alice, grabbing her arm as if she was going to yank her away. Around them, the house began to unfold and expand outwards to no end. Alice stood up, looking down at Rory. The picture wasn’t as warm as it was. The parts of it that escaped concentrated itself into one mass. Alice cut the link, it was as if they’d never left. Rory had broken into a sweat and breathed heavily. “Is it always the same way? The way you start to see this stuff.” Rory said, voice shaking. The ways Alice could respond to that almost overwhelmed her. “What?” She put a hand in her pocket, clenching it. Words never came out right. “I’d run into you at the grocery store near Oldeman street all the time when I left the Holistol. You acted really weird and it didn’t make any sense why you’d go to a store all the way across town, but by the time I left I could barely remember that I ever met you. Until I drove home from the fair I realized a lot of things that didn’t make sense. You only moved here two or three years ago? I remember the day I moved here when I was ten and the class made you show me around because they thought it was funny. Your parents are dead, and your oldest sister looks after you, except you live near Oldeman with your mom and dad. We have all the same classes together, except we don’t.” Alice let her talk. She could interrupt her to explain everything. The world was grand, and it was difficult to explain all at once. A world Alice didn’t fully comprehend neither did her sisters of club associates. A constant reminder of a life that was once hers and realizing her only friend suffered a similar fate. The pink void, her field, was there and Alice could leave it all behind. Rory started to talk about her parents and the fair. Alice had already figured out what happened there. She didn’t even finish before she started crying. The hesitation came. Hug her? Console her? Maybe she didn’t want to be touched, maybe she didn’t want to hear anything, maybe she wanted time alone. Alice hated herself. When the other Alice, the fraud, took her life in both the physical and spatial sense she knew there was more to it. Things had become a lot harder, she relied on people but couldn’t do much herself. That fraud

had eroded at her being, took things that mattered, and she wasn’t sure when she finally went to kill it if she’d get it back.