Anth 50 Way Home 2

….(cont) 2004 Liepos 5d (pirmadienis). (13/10/04. I make a krektion 2 th nd of ‘→ (no 1)’ p14. RAMBYNO KALNAS iz not th hghst in lithol&. It iz nly 48 metrs az u kan c on th kuvr map. Kant rmmbr if it woz Jonas or Juozas hoo had told me it woz th hghtst.) I think w got 2 th dockn ‫ڤ‬, downstream from wher th Neris meets th Nemunas @ O 9.15 & if u wer goin 2 do a film O how th O looks aftr th 3rd O war this would be th place 2 set it – a wastel& of drelikt cemnt block buildns & xpanses of krumbln & potOd asphalt of a b&ond soviet era ndustrial ‫ڤ‬. It was a gloomy twilght wth a threat of rain. O 4 or 5 cars wer x th dock waitn 2 pick up passngrs (@ th time I ddnt know 1 of thm had bn waitn 4 me) but th Deima (c ‘→ (no 1)’ p13) nosed in2 a littl s&y cove nxt 2 th dock & it was som time b4 w realizd w wer meant 2 step out → grassy verge whch was lmost lvl wth th deck. I was 1 of th 1st off th boat & hurried away → dsertd l&scape in th drektion of wher I thght (havn studied th map on board) th main road mght b 2 c@ch a trolly-bus (works off ovrhead lektrik wires like a tram) trailn my wheeld suitcase bhind me. What I had takn 4 a shallow puddl turnd out 2 b a deep potO & I pulld th suitcase strght → it (nothn nside is wet). No1 was nsight & no1 was comn up bhnd me. A taksi passd goin th othr way & nothr. Whn I got 2 th main road in spittn rain not a singl pedsrian was vsbl in eithr drektion. I found a bus stop & th rain was settn in & I was 1drn how watrproof th suitcase was & what wer my chances of gettn muggd. Whn a trolly-bus finally came it wsnt bvious 2 me how u pay or evn konvers wth th drivr bhind th glass pane. I askd a girl & sh said hed hear me & told me 2 put 70c → a small kontainr pokn out of th glass. I said 1 → SENAMIESTIS & put me money in. Th drivr flippd th kontainr whch was on a hinge → his side of th glass & rturnd it wth a tikt glarin @ me as if I had kommittd a kaptal ffens. A few stops l8t (th girl told me wher 2 get off) I got off just as it startd rainn heavier. I woz BACK IN KAUNAS my birthplace. I had troubl findn Kumeliu (13/10. c top left of kuvr map ‘Melbourne → Kaunas’) g-ve 15-4 bcoz th ntry was from nside th nklosed ‫ ڤ‬whch u had 2 reach thrgh an rchway & I was gettn wet & I was hungry & it was gettn l8 & whn I found th door it wsnt sheltrd from th rain & ther was nuthn 2 ndik8 it wsnt a priv8 rsdnce & I pressd th buttns numbrd 1 2 4 & ther was no nswr & I was LOST but then rmmbrd th fone numbr I had writ down of DAIVA th VADYBININKĖ (th 1 in charge). Found th fone booth whch was on th Vilniaus g-ve side of th Šv.apaštalu Petro ir Pauliaus (PETER & PAUL) arkikatedra-bazilika (13/10. c no 1 on kuvr map of ‘Melbourne → Kaunas’) & DAIVA said shed b ovr in 15 mins 2 let me in & th@ shed bn @ th dock holdn me name up 2 pick me up & had ssumed I must hav got off on th nscheduled stop @ Jurbarkas. Anyway I m here now & I m FUCKT coz I havnt had any sleep. (nip of Čepkeliu) Aftr I settld in I went 2 th BERNELIU UŽEIGA, a KAVINĖ Iv bn eatn @ O th kornr, & had a meal of kabbage rolls & a coupl of glasss of dark beer. Rang Vaidases parnts 2 find out whn he would b home & will O him in a few mins. Rang EGLE th dghtr of jŽuIoŽzYaSs 2 rran-ge 2 take her out 4 t 2morrow 2 BERNELIU UŽEIGA & 2 ask her 2 pass on my rgards 2 Juozas hoo I wont hav an pportunity 2 c again. I bought a pikture map (13/10. uzed it 4 ‘→ (no 1)’ & this 1) of litho-l& I mght use 4 covrs. I vstd th markt 2 spy on th gypsy womn selln kontrab& fags. I checkd if ther wer any buses on wdnsdy th@ go thrgh UKMERGĖ 2 MOLĖTAI & stop @ th tiny bus stop of JANUŠIŠKE & ther is 1 @ 10.30 & 1 @ 17.00 @ 9.7 Lt & it takes 2 hours. & thn (take note of this Nicole of STALAKTITES on greek cnr of Melbourne & GEORGE-KcOoTnZABASIS ((c ‘→ (no 1)’ p6) HIC RHODUS, HIC SALTA) of th Errol kavine in Nth Melb, & TREASURER of PASMINCO (13/10. hoos motto is SERVICE (22/10. PAPApGeEtOeRrGIOU (c ‘3/4/04 – 12/4/04 p3))), & VICTORIA (13/10. @ Maxims in Paris) of th BOCADILLO (13/10. klosed down) kavine in Brunswick st) I drank a coupl of glasss of recina @ th GRAIKU RŪMAI (Greek Palace) servd x Arina hoo looks greek but is a litho hoo can speak greek & litho & rus & nglsh & ndrst&s a bit of talian coz her husb& (I thnk they r spr8d) is a greek/talian hoo has a business on an isl& rght nxt 2 turky but Arina lft aftr a year coz shed had nuff of greece (& greeks?). B4 he met Arina & set up shop nxt 2 turky her hubby grew up in Sydney, australia & met Arina whn he wnt 2 th greek isl& 2 start his business wher sh was holdayn. (wnt 2 th toilt 4 a CRAP & guess what – it wont flush). Outside th GRAIKU RŪMAI whch may well b th only greek kavine in lithol& is a st@ue of a greek in n@nl kostume (evn sillier than th 1s lithos wear but not as silly as th 1s worn x th pakis hoo change guard (& goos step very fast) in Peshawar (or sumsuch place)) holdn a tray wth a bottl of Imiglikos on it. Arina, hoo is rrmarkably young 4 som1 wth so many languages, wears a greeky sort of jackt. I komplmntd thm on th greek muzik as I m sick of anglo pop & gave thm 1

kopies of ‘clocks ticked on’ & ‘29/4/04 – 1/5/04’. They told me th greeks had 1 th footO whch I had lready read in th Lietuvos Rytas. But I saw an evn sillier thing this rvo – a ŠUNŪ KIRPYKLA (dog groomn) so anythn is possbl. Rang Vaidas place but they rnt back from Vilnius as xpektd @ 7 (its 8 & th chrch bells rang) 4 their famly do so Im goin 2 BERNELIU UŽEIGA 4 a meal servd x waitrsss in litho (but they play nglsh muzak) kostumes but th food is good ther….Rang Vaidas again & our plans rmain as greed. Ill turn up early arvo on wdnsdy @ th VIENKIEMIS @ Rimeisiu KAIMAS. I hav poppd 10 mg of Temazepam & 5 mg of Valium (c’→ (no 1)’ p13). (nip). 2004 Liepos 6 d (antradienis ). (10.00) Showrd, shavd, washd ndrpants & socks. Boy it feels good aftr a nghts sleep. If u want 2 tortur peopl dprive thm of th ordnry thngs : sleep, food, space, & friends. Th yanks & brits hav +d a new rfinemnt 2 cvlized bhaviour – if they r arab baddies (but only if they r th worst of th worst (Rumsfeld)) u make thm masturb8 each othr, sodomize thm, stack m up naked in pyramids, put womns ndrwear on their heads & fotograf thm wth womn w@chn so they is SEXUALLY HUMLI8D. Iv dgressd. Ystrdy I 4got 2 mntion th@ I xchanged a few words wth 1 of th 3 pruvians hoo hav bn playn andean pipes (not so well & wth a very lektronik sound so sometimes it looks as if they r miming) & selln kassetts x th fountain in Laisvės Alėja. I told him I frquently heard a group playn th same tunes on pipes @ th mrkt on s@dys in Melbourne, australia. As I was walkn away (2 use th toilt in th Metropolis hotl 2 whch I claim a rght as a rglar customr)I realized I had TOUCHED th pruvian on th chest wth th back of me h& & he had LAUGHED (whn I told him th guy hoo had stayd bhind in Vilnius (c ‘Vilnius (no. 2)’ p10 (22/10. & ‘Vilnius → Melbourne’)) had DUENDE ) all in th space of a 60 secnd konvers8n (wth a stranger) in nglsh. It dosnt happn wth lithos in Kaunas & mayb not evn in Vilnius if I m 2 blieve KAaBlAgIiLsA (c ‘Vilnius (no. 2)’ p10) hoo tells me if a stranger wer 2 TOUCH him like so in th street he would PUNCH him. Th@s lithol& (but a ruski will bcom your very best friend 4 life says Vaidas if u 1st gree 2 drink yourslf ndr th tabl wth him) 4 u & I m goin out → streets of KAUNAS 2 savour what could b my last day in th city of my brth …. These notes r of ncessty in shorth&. Its 5.30 & @ 6 I m due 2 O Egle 2 rrange 2 go out 4 t. This mornn I was drawn x th sounds of muzik in th drktion of th old PILIS (castl) & ther was a rhearsl on a sound stage in progrss & I askd what it was O & th lady was very sprized 2 tell me it was VALSTYBINĖ (st8) DIENA (day) (I kan hear what I magine iz a roplane doin stunts) in honour of MINDAUGAS th 1st litho king hoo unified th litho tribes (but no1 knows what language he (or 4 th@ m@r Vytautas) spoke as th ristokrcy may hav spokn a diffrnt language & may hav bn of a diffrnt race (eg Samartians)) & startd it all 4 thm they reckn. So ther r no pprs coz its a publk holdy & u shld c how many litho flags r fluttrn in flag holdrs on priv8 houses & of course publk 1s. On th publk 1s ther r also som EU flags ie. blue wth a O of stars rprsntn th numbr of EU st8s. I 8 breakfst @ th kavine in Laisvės Alėja whch plays grungy anglo muzak but makes good šaltibarsčiai (lways servd wth spuds) wher I had met Arūnas hoo is 1 of th 1st Arūnases (c ‘Melbourne → Kaunas’ p3) but is a year youngr than me (c’→ (no.1)’ p5). I was thinkn of th mportnce of doktrs in nstutions of tortur 4 nsurn th ptimum konditions 4 th bad guy (“worst of th worst”) 2 b kapabl of feeln th most ntens PAIN x bein prvntd from dyin 4 as long as possbl (22/10. thos hoo most value powr will lwayz b pposed 2 legal suicide 4 // reazns). U can tell I had no ppr 2 read coz of th publk holyday. I thght w will nvr know what really takes place in iraq (or in zrael) prisns coz th most tortured 1s r lways killd so they cannt implik8 their torturrs. But th ARAB O knows. Yank (13/10. & I take it 4 grantd th ntllgence services of middl eastrn arab kuntries routinely tortur in spite of th KORAN sayin priznrs should b well treatd) torturrs can take komft from th prcednt of Lt Calley (22/10. just heard on the telly th@ 1 of th Abu Ghraib torturrs (“an all-American boy”) got 8 yrs) hoos pl@oon masskrd 1000 (or ther Os) viets & hoo spent a coupl of years undr hous rrest as a konsquence. As I was eatn I w@chd 2 yung mothrs tryin 2 dscplin their 2 dghtrs hoo wer playn chasey in th kavine & hoo paid th same amount of @ntion 2 thm as Miglė pays 2 Vaidas & Brigita. Kids know th@ in times of rapid change th xampl of parents is worthless. Also it ccurd 2 me th@ som of th old womn kneeln in th street may b 4cd 2 do it so as 2 kontribute 2 th houshold xpnses x sons-in-law hoo drive BMWs. Mong hddn things is th abuse of th ldrly x nlaws, th threat of violence x husb&s → wives, & ncest. ŠALTIBARSČIAI + 1 (ie ½ portion) CEPELINAS (DIDŽKUKULIS - & I had thght I had DIDŽKUKUL8D myslf) + 1 BALTOS KAVOS (white coffee) = 8.3 Lt. 4got 2 mntion th@ aftr th muzikl rhearsl near th PILIS I went back 2 get me 2

mbrella & it took me 5 mins 2 work out how 2 nlock th front door downstairs but I had no troubl wth th othr 2 doors. Aftr (I hav just paid 220 Lt 2 Daiva 4 3 nghts rent & said I mght O her nxt year if H wants 2 com wth me if I want 2 com back) leavn th kavine wher I had brekky (got 2 go & O Egle) I went → but Ill hav 2 contnue l8r coz Im meetn Egle @ th main ntrance of Šv. apaštalu Petro ir Pauliaus arkikatedra – bazilika in 20 mins…. (8.55 pm ) Eglė just told me somthn what was a real ey-opnr : in soviet times on certain days evry1 in th street had 2 dsplay th hammr & sickl FLAG & u darnt b th 1 persn hoo ddnt, & if u missd out on th big KOMMO parades u got in2 far mor troubl than if u missd goin 2 skool whch was komplusotry. It xplains why ther r FLAG HOLDERS (13/10. th ownrs of th Eaglemont newsagency hav rektd a huge luminium flagpole & fly a flag permnntly) on priv8 houses. Im back from our very konvival dinnr & ch@. → continuin on from th prvious 1 : I went strolln till I got 2 th ŽALIAKALNIO FUNIKULIERIUS wher 4 50c I was takn up th hill x ZeDuAgNeInČiIjUuSs hoo sends his rgards (whn I get back) 2 his 82 year old relo KRIjŠuČoIzUaNsAS hoo is rturnn 2 Melbourne on wdnsdy. Th muzik they wer playn on th Kauno (of Kaunas) funikulierius wer songs x Danielius Dolskis (13/10. lithos 1st standup komik. Died in ’37 so did not nd up in th Kaunas ghetto (c ‘Melbourne → Kaunas’ p9)) rkordd 1929-31 (I can hear peopl singn now ) & it soundd very nostalgik. Then I walkd 2 a large park calld Kauno Ažuolino Parkas (87.5 hektares) & †d & re†d it till I came 2 th ZOO whch I ntrd 4 6 Lt. It was rainn again. Many of th nimls had barely nuff room 2 mov & th hoovd nimls had NO GRASS. Som wer KATATONIK. But mayb they dont know they hav gon krazy but just stop breedn. In som westrn kuntries peopl hav stoppd breedn but they dont think they r krazy. I was thnkn of GUANTANAMO BAY & merika & FLAGS. From ther I headd back 2wrds Laisvės Alėja (Freedom Avenue) 4 1 dideli of red beer but on th way I passd club VENERA (+ an E & an L 2 get a bettr word) whch is a NAKTINIS KLUBAS DŽENTELMENAMS (night club 4 gentlemen) & in Laisvės Alėja I bght a flask of Čepkeliu (nip). Oh, yes, @ th ZOO ther wer 2 EMUS (22/10. ystrdy me & Vaidas sor 1 (Dromaius novaehollandiae) wth chiks near Wanganella (btween Deniliquin & Hay (home town of Kelly, & Josh, nxt door @ Miller st)) whn w went thr 4 V 2 do sum fshn & 4 me 2 check out sum brolgas (Grus rubicundus) I had cn a few weeks ago on a trip wth H) hoo must h8 it here in wintr. Its 9.30 & th celebr8ns 4 MINDAUGAS day r just bgnnin so Im goin out 4 a look-c …. 2004 Liepos 7d (trečiadienis). 7.50. Anothr nght of littl sleep so I heard th crows (Varna (Corvus corone)) calln @ dawn. Thes r th black & grey (th black 1s u c in th kuntryside r th Kovas (Corvus frugilegus) & th Kranklys (Corvus corax)) birds th@ liv in close ssocia8n wth peopl. They hav a croaky voice (13/10. a gr8 vriety of very xpressiv notes th@ Iv bn listnn 2 gain on th CD of litho bird kalls givn 2 m x KABArIaLsAaITĖ rsponsibl 4 th kuvr of ‘Vilnius (no. 2)’ & (& c ‘Vilnius (no.2)’ p10)) & call very early. (Vaidas foned (7.55) 2 say th wheel th@ was wobbln & was spposedly fixd in Ukmergė (c ‘ → (no 1)’ p2) is wobbln really badly again & he has 2 get it fixd so if I get 2 th VIENKIEMIS ahead of him Id hav 2 let myslf in so hell giv me th key @ 8.30 @ th main ntrance 2 Šv. Petro ir Pauliaus arkikatedra-bazilika). Last nght aftr t wth Egle (hoo offrd 2 find cheap rentl 4 nxt year shld we need it) I went 2 th opretta @ th PILIS. Ctually it konsistd of slektd arias from a variety of oprettas & was very njoybl. A lady offrd th nd of her sheet of plastk 4 me 2 sit on so I ddnt hav 2 sit on th wet grass. Sh was an opra & opretta fan (from Mariampolė) & her dream is 2 go 2 th 1ce a year produktn whch is staged in th ‫ ٱ‬of the Trakū pilis (c ‘Vilnius (no 2)’ p5) wher th tckt costs 00s of Lts & u hav 2 ordr thm a year ahead & thn cant get thm. Bsides, her husb& dosnt like opra so th@s th@. I m goin off 2 wait 4 Vaidas …. I m @ th VIENKIEMIS again O 1k away along a soggy track from Rimeisiu KAIMAS (village) whch is O 12ks from Ukmergė. W dcided it made bettr sens 2 com 2gthr so 1st w had 2 get th car fixd whch turnd out easier than xpektd as all th@ was needd was (rainn again) 2 rplace th dud tyre Vaidas had bght last week. W did it @ th Kaunas car mrkt whch is a huge xpans wher 2nd h& cars & parts r bght drektly off th doubl deckr semis th@ bring thm from germany dirt cheap. Peopl com from as far as kazakstan etc. 2 x & I skrutnized th asian faces (its not easy 4 thm now lithol& is in th EU as they hav 2 get visas) as I nherit som such genes myslf. But b4 I 4get I want 2 rturn 2 th lady hoo offrd me th use of her plastk sheet @ th opretta bcoz sh aktd xaktly oppsit 2 th way Kaunas peopl normly bhave wth strangers – praps sh is th xeption whch proves th rule or mayb ther r no rules only th ppearnces of thm. I no longr say ATSIPRAŠAU (xcuse me) whn I +rss a stranger but I say PONAS (mr) or PONIA (mrs) or PANELE (miss) or if its a young 3

guy I just ask th ?. Th suspicion of strangers probbly d8s from th rprssns of th soviet era & is rein4ced x th prsnt crime wave as a rsult of konomik changes & th dsntegr8n of value systms. 1ce peopl know u they r xssivly genrous in my xperience (specially wth food (VAIŠINGUMAS)). Rturnn 2 reality, durin th sleeplss nght I was thinkn O Vaido friend DŽeElŽiUgLiSuKsIS hoom w met @ Preila (c ‘→ (no 1)’ p11) & hoom I had mntiond in my writn early in th year (c ‘16/2/04 – 27/2/04’ p8). He is nvolvd in city poltiks in Kaunas & lektures in filsofy. He said he has publshd a book titld ‘KAS YRA TIKROVĖ’ (‘What is Reality’) or som such. I sggstd 2 him th@ in doin so he has raisd his h& very hgh (& I raisd mine like so) & he countrd th@ w all take part in dtrminn what reality is. But I say katgorkly I xklude myslf from th@ prvlged kumpny. I bserv & I write down – u make of it what u wish (suit yourslf) or 0 @ all. 2 mor mundane (& tangibl) m@rs. On th way here w stoppd @ a PIŽONIŠKA eatry (Vaidas rckns MIESČIONIŠKA is mor apt (c ‘→ (no 1)’ p8)) whch bcame famous 4 makin th largst DIDŽKUKULIAI (cepelinai (22/10. rEaIiMmOuNnTdAaSs (c p14) rekns th bielorus rekn they nvntd thm)) in lithol& so u only manage 2 eat 1 each (ther is a bug walkn ovr th page) thgh I hav totally DIDŽKUKUL8D myslf lready. Rturnn 2 Egle wth hoom I 8 t last nght. Evn aftr 8½ years sh ddnt like merika & is rapt 2 b ← & says sh wont hav any troubl gettn a job thgh th nmploymnt r8 is 18%. Sh has swappd her dghtrs → your old school, mum, (AUŠROS GIMNAZIA (13/10 drektly † th road from th Kaunas PO (c pik on p14 of ‘→ (no 1)’))) wthout runnin th risk of havn 2 pay a bribe x goin strght 2 th mnstry (sh said). I wish her well coz ther is a drektnss O her karktr whch I like. Shes just bn 2 Tallin in stonia wher sh said sh had language prolbms coz they dont speak nglsh (not evn on th menus), wont speak russki, & cant speak litho. I think it is lmost mpossbl 2 void bein a 2rst wthout knowin th lokl language well so I probbly wont go 2 Tallin. Ncdntly I caught myslf thinkn in litho again this mornn. Its 4.25 pm & Vaidas has a LAUŽAS (outside fire) goin & w r xllntly stockd wth beer (3 kinds), meat (5 kinds : sausage; tongue wrappd in pigs ears & cookd & smokd; livr paste; bits of cookd & smokd chickn giblts; smokd bacon); bread (3 kinds of rye); tomatoes (5); spring onion (bunch); cucumbrs (2 small). Im feeln bettr lready….Just bustd th LITOVKA (c ‘→ (no 1)’ p 4). Th blade broke near th base. So much 4 my good ntntns of doin a few days JUODO DARBO (black work) (th 1st time I heard th phrase used was x Mykolas K @ litho haus in Errol st Nth Melb. but its used here a lot) 2 make amnds 4 th beer Iv drunk. Rturnn 2 THE TOPIK. Any peasnt O Ukmergė knows reality as well as any flosfr wthout readn a page of DŽeElŽiUgLiSuKsIS book. Th realty is hes gettn skrewd. Realty is not nothr kind of nml but whats bein don 2 u x th peopl hoo hav th key 2 it – coz they charge rntl. 2004 Liepos 8d (ketvirtadienis). 2.00 pm. Last nght w → bed (th prvious nght Vaidas had → 2 take Brigita & Migle → Vilnius airprt @ 3am) early @ 10.30 & 4 th 1st time in 6 weeks I slept as I shld. I could tell th@ my adrnln flow had finally switchd off as I felt a pleasnt ache all ovr & on ccassions a trembln in me head & chin & neck as if from a rlease. It woz a cold nght & I → 4 a leak x 5 (Bill Klintn had askd Monika howd she like it wth an old guy hoo → th toilt evry ½ hour & sh said as long as your th prsdnt u can → th toot evry 10 mins) → starry nght coz I 4got my special pisspot in th Jonušas kabn in Nida (c ‘→ (no 1)’ p12). Th sleep I had bn gettn wth th temazepam (10mg) & th valium (5mg) had me wakn up bright & nergetik wthout switchn off th drnln. Its takn th special @mosfere of th SODYBA & th calm ways of Vaidas (hoo is chisln away 2 @ach th kasas (plaits) 2 th BOBA (old womn) he is carvn) & somthn (dont want 2 sound ‘new age’) th@ still rmains in th TROBA & th bed (LOVA) Im usin of its 4mr (Vaido dad & gr&fathr) lives. I ddnt wake up till 9 & ddnt finlly get out of bed till 10 coz Vaidas was up (makn koffee) but I reckn if I had stayd (still achy) I would hav gon 2 sleep again. My left kidny whch has bn feeln th strain (praps from eatn all th saltd/smokd fsh in Nida/Preila) is also mprovd. (Sun is out, mozzies r bitin, stork (just checkd wth th bnokulrs) is st&n on th side of th nst on th chmny & th heads of 2 young 1s r visbl). Aftr breakfst w drove (th car is goin beautfully now & w drove past th place wher th guy had palmd off th dud worn out & crackd rkonditiond tyre whch had Vaidas drivn @ 130ks/hour (eg. on the trip Kaunas → Nida) 2 void th vibr8n & could hav killd us if it had blown all bcoz of 1 dshonst dude hoo made 30 Lt xtra profit x noticin w wouldnt check coz w wer drunk (what els can u do on a wet day in Ukmergė?)) 2 Ukmergė 2 x a new blade 4 th LITOVKA (whch l8r well go ovr & mayb ask Tony Mushroom (Antanas Grybas (& ther r non in th 4st yet)) 2 sharpn), som black currnts from an old womn in th mrkt outside th MEDIA (sprmrkt) whch I 8 & rmmbrd th taste from chldhood, & matchs (w had 4

only 4 left), cucumbrs, appls, coffee, & specially onions & beer & a littl Čepkeliu 4 2nghts fire (if it dosnt rain but its just nice & breezee now wth large blue p@chs (Vaidas says r u havn a beer? & I said yes giv me th kvietinis (Baltas (white) alus (13/10. since rturnn → Melb. Iv dskuvrd u kan x many white (wheet) beers here & my favrit iz HOEGARDEN whch kosts $6.50 / glass @ th Transport Public Bar in Fed.4.3 @ )).‫ٱ‬%) of sky). Thn w drove → th 4st whch is bein trashd (c ‘→ (no 1)’ p4) 2 look 4 th rght shaped pieces of wood 4 th KASAS 4 th BOBA (babushka) wher w ddnt find any mushrms. Th well has plenty of wtr now & it would take only a coupl of days like this 2 dry out th track ovr th field & th 4sts a bit so here is keepn fingrs †d…. (I can dfnitly say ther r 3 baby STORKS (Baltasis Gandras (Ciconia ciconia)) as they r all vzibl st&n on th side of th nst now) …. A few dsknnktd bsrv8ns. Th trashd 4st is th worst Vaidas has cn – it ddnt happn in th past. Evrythin u can gathr in a 4st is sold x old womn in th mrkt very cheaply eg. žemogės (v tasty tiny ncestrs of strawbrries), flowrs, grybai (mushrms). A womn may hav only a few jars of a singl produkt eg. w paid 1.4 Lt 4 a jarful of black currnts (JUODI SERBENTAI) ths mornn from a womn hoo had mayb 5 kls of thm & 0 els. 2day a lot of peopl r cuttn new hay (ŠIENAUJA) or spreadn out th hay cut earlier 2 try 2 dry it out. Things lways look bettr from a dstnce (like 2rsts c it) – th flowrn gardns (peonies (I call thm PINAVIJOS & Brigita calls thm BIJUNAI whch Milda Grybas (Mushroom ) xplaind is th city word 4 thm) r finshng), trees in evry yard in th kuntryside but whn u look closer u c th trees r aged & will bear littl fruit. Th large ‫ٱ‬s of units in th cities r made from cemnt whch may st& 4 nuthr 100 yrs but th fittns (doors, wndow frames, floors, lektricty, plumbn) r r@shit & thgh peopl got thm cheap @ libr8n they cant 4rd 2 pay 4 th heatn in wntr let lone maintain thm. Here in th VIENKIEMIS w hav no radio or ppr but evn whn Iv bn readn Lietuvos Rytas in Kaunas I m mazed x how littl th rest of th O hardly xists 4 lithos xpt 2 go & earn $$s in – I spose they hav mor than nuff of their own prolbms. Iv cn flocks of swifts (Čiurlys (Apus apus)) on sevrl ccasions (eg. @ Traku pilis) on th trip & note in th bird book th@ whn they fall 2 th gO they cant take off again. Whn I had a shit in th 4st an ant (22/10 givs me a xuse 2 nklude an ssay I wrote O ants 5 years ago @ th strt of this prjkt : ANTS (and other dimensions) “ “But they are ants!” was my son’s parting goodbye. I think we had been discussing semiotics. I had been explaining how ants, being almost blind, converse by chemical puffs and sprays which they pick up on receptors covering their bodies. Perfumed signals and seductive pheromones is all they can know. A simplification, of course, but everything is. I was making a comparison to the human world of impressions which we weave into the fabric of the reality that we wrap around ourselves. Its tempting to conceive our sensory world as packages of information processed by our intelligence to initiate action. A very airy thing, really, depending on language and consensus about meaning. (paragraph) “But they are ants!” It had a ring of conviction that made me suspect a truth. I pondered the implications through the week. Was he pointing to a flaw in the analogy? Tr-ue, ants can’t see themselves whereas we do. But that doesn’t invalidate the comparison for if an ant had the eyesight of a human it would have to process what it saw through an ant brain. Similarly a blind person finds his world only qualitatively different from the rest of us, if we are to believe what he says. So it wasn’t that and I waited anxiously for the next Sunday B.B.Q. When I put it to him he agreed. What he had meant was simply : (paragraph)) “But they are ants : they’re magnificent.” (paragraph) It’s true. Ants have a contr-aptional beauty. They are jointed marvels with a mechanical elegance second to none. Their beauty stands up well to close inspection thr-ough an electron microscope. They are solid as grit and utterly ferocious in the defence of their tribal home. Their soldiers are peerless war-riors who can snap an enemy in half with a massive pincer. They carry their dead to ceremonial burial grounds and are gentle in the care of underground creches of nursing young. They work tirelessly on prodigious excavations and are good at building levee banks against flo-od. They carry monstrous loads that should crush them. They send out raiding parties to plunder neighbouring cities. But they cannot pro-tect themselves against the pale parasitic ants, however feeble and spindly legged, which infiltrate their underground metropolises simply by imitating the 5

chemical markers of the host. (paragraph) However alluring the pungent mists that go to make up its world the solid, seg-mented ant itself is much more marvellous. Let’s pursue the analogy for an insight into our own nature. The reality that we clothe our-selves in is woven from language, signs, value systems, media projections and the like. It is as intangible as the ants’ though much more complex. By comparison then how much more extraordinary and substantial must we be than them. But we cannot even imagine it. (paragraph) We are able to see the beauty of the ant because we observe it from a godlike perspective of another, I assume greater, reality. Sadly even the smartest ant is incapable of penetrating the aerosol vapours to see itself as we see it. Likewise we cannot see ourselves. The beachcomber who gazing at the imprint of the foot of Man Friday could deduce from it his weight and height, the colour of his eyes, the hang of his loincloth, the worried crease across the brow of his wife on another island as she waits for his return, cant deduce the source of his own intelligence. The magician who putting his ear to the ground can distinguish from all the footsteps he can hear in the orient those of his apprentice returning with the charmed amulet cannot divine the source of his own power. (paragraph) We cannot infer our true form because being weavers of the cloth of our reality we are trapped by the senses we use to thread it. (paragraph) **** (paragraph) Now here on the shore of Lake Gairdner, whose dry salt surface stretches away northwards for a hundred kilometres I marvel at its ex-panse. The crust looks like white ice and is up to fifty centimetres thick. It lays over a bed of viscous black mud which never dries out. Suspended through the mud are perfect cubes of salt crystal. Where the crust is thinner you can see through it enough to discern myriad dark patches stretching away to the horizon. Each is a colony of ants. At the centre of every patch is a tiny hole in the crust either to let the ants out or more probably to let air in. The ants live permanently in the ooze. What happens to them when the lake floods is a myst-ery.”) bit me on the PRICK. Youll b pleasd 2 know, honey, th salv8n jane (p@rsns curse ; riverina blue-bells) or a very close rl@v r in flowr. 2 birds Im seein whch I also c in Melbourne (ntrojuicd) r goldfin-chs (Dagilis (Carduelis carduelis)) & greenfinchs (Žaliukė (Carduelis chloris)). Sky is clear this ev-nn. LAUŽAS (fire) is burnn. Iv got a glass of Čepkeliu & Vaidas has a stubby of Švyturys (th 1 wth th bottl top in litho tricolor & olympik Os) beer. He says his gr&ma died wthout havn cn th c. His gr&ad saw Lenin giv a speech in St Petersburg (Petrograd in litho fonetik rus, l8r Leningrad) & he was wearn a cylindr or top hat not a proltarian type cap like he is lways dpiktd in films nkorr-ektly his gr&ad said. In Brežnevs days (Vaidas says) th ½ hr news bulltns lways dvoted 20 mins 2 what he don & th politburo, 5 mins 2 sport, & 5 mins 2 th weathr. Ther was a rus sayn (I giv it in ruski litho fonetik ) VSIO O NIOM I NIEMNOŽKO POGODI whch in nglsh says “All O him & a bit of air”. In Andropovs reign he ntrojuicd a law u wernt llowd 2 b @ a movie theatr durin workn hours (9-5) wthout an xcuse. On 1 ccasion when an nspektion (from Moscow) took place in Kaunas th nspektors wer pleasntly srprsd 2 c th piktur theatrs mpty but no1 told thm it was bcoz evry1 was home w@chn ŽALGIRIS (th ace basktball team in litho based in Kaunas) on telly playn a big m@ch gainst a russki team. 9.45 pm. Th sun is settn but thers still O ¾ hour of lght left. 2004 Liepos 9d (penktadienis). On th 1st piss it was dark, on th 2nd ther was th glow (I ndrst& now why I was so konfused whn w wer ovr Riga in th Tupelov (c ‘Melbourne ‘→ Kaunas’ p2) @ 1am prior 2 l&n x what ppeard 2 b a glow both in th east & west : from th height w wer seein (bsides th city lghts) th glow from th nrthrn summr wher th sun dosnt set) of dawn & on th 3rd piss I got up bcoz I could hear Vaidas woodpckn (ther r (4 th bnefit of SrMoIgTeHr hoo kan check them out in th bird sektion of the Vik. St8 Libery) 5 species & 4 rl8d 1s of this aktiv & colorfl bird : Didysis Genys (Dendrocopos major); Vidutinis Genys (Dendrocopos medius); Baltanugaris Genys (Dendrocopus leucotos) Mažasis Genys (Dendrocopos minor); Tripirštis Genys (Picoides Tridactylus); Gražiagalvė (Junx torquilla); Pilkoji Meleta (Picus canus); Žalioji Meleta (Picus viridis); Juodoji Meleta (Dryocopus martius)) away @ th BOBA (babushka in nglsh – babuška (or baba) in litho fonetik rus) hoo now has BOOBS, th last parts 2 b @achd, & will soon b ready 4 puttyin, s&n, & paintn. Vaidas has told me wher he saw a BARAVYKAS (th most pri6

zed GRYBAS in lithol& & th konsistncy of meat) so I m takin th baskt & a knife & m chekn out undr th LIEPAS (large dciduous trees undr whch they grow) 4 mor 2 put → th thistl soup he will b makn 4 t …. I found nothr BARAVYKAS & what magnifcnt GRYBAI they r ! Th 2 will giv us mor than nuff solids 4 our soup (bet youd lov som Zorka) 2nght. They r boiln now (& they smell gr8) so they wont get wormy thrgh th day. W r off 2 Ukmergė…. W r puttn BULVES (spuds), MORKAS (carrots (fried)), KRAPUS (dill leavs), SVOGŪNUS (onions (fried)), LAŠINIAI (smoked bacon pieces (fried)) → th DILGELIU (nettl) SRIUBA (soup). W shoppd up a lot 2day coz w wer piggn out (drinkn a beer now) but I only mntion th MĖLYNES (from th taste they r dfntly blueberries but they r tiny & laboriously kollektd from low bushs in swampy 4sts x old BOBOS from 1 of hoom w bght ½ kl 4 2 Lt) & th JUODI SERBENTAI whch w bght from nothr BOBA 4 som rdikulsly low price. Talkn O rdklously low prices w pikt up a hitchhikr on th way back & he told (also told us wher 2 lok8 various hiddn cmtries (esp of germn soldiers) of whch th ‫ ٱ‬is full) us th@ th DVARAS & sOs (c ‘Šiauliai’ p6) wer bght x th KOLŪKIO PIRMININKAS (th drektor of th 4mr kolhoz (ie kollektiv)) 4 11000 Lt wthout being +vrtized. Ther isnt a singl buildn (& th sOn mgnfcnt park wth ancient trees & xtnsiv gOs & lakes) worth less than 50000 Lt & th main mansion (whch is rstord & probbly was th head1/4s of th kolhoz) is priceless. (Vaidas is soakn th nettl leavs) This is how th wealth of th kuntry was STOLEN FROM TH PEOPL wth th konnivnce of th govt hoo r made up of those hoo don th stealn. I m told th@ ther is hardly a 4mr drektr of a kollektiv hoo isnt a rich man. Vaidases mum says th biggst mstake th govt made was 2 giv away th publik proprty but they dont care coz they gave away th best bits 2 their friends & thmslvs ….W had 2 larg bowls full 2 th brim & heapd wth vegies each & a stubby (0.5 Lt) 4 me & 2 4 Vaidas & I was so STUFFED I kouldnt mov xept as far as th bed 4 a SIESTA (litho 4 a littl nap). Should u want 2 make a bowl 4 Brian (MACCA), Zorka, u could → a large spoonful of GRIETINE (sour cream) ↓ bowl whch lithos → evrythn but w ddnt coz w 4got 2 x som & I prfr not 2 anyway. Also note th@ Brigita lways chops up th nettl leavs but w ddnt & it was fine. Only prolbm is u will hav 2 com 2 lithol& 4 th BARAVYKAI coz they dont grow in oz. Now allow me 2 make a kommnt on a mor serious konomik m@r. Drivin back from Ukmergė I saw a guy bringn a buckt of wtr 4 a hors tethrd in th meadow & it dawnd on me th@ all thes ndvdually tethrd nimals (cows & horss) th@ r moved O daily hav 2 hav wtr carried 2 thm in buckts @ least 2ce / day & rmindd me th peasnt konmy is DOOMED. (m eatn a RIDIKA (radish)) (a vivid green bug is walkn long th edg of th journl – jumpd off!) Modrnity hurtls → dstroyn all hoo would rsist (NB Bin Laden) → its own dstruktion wthout th need 4 any1 2 hurry it along. Evrythn → in Os …. (evry now & then I lift th lid 2 SNIFF th SRIUBA. ½ of it is left 4 2morrow)…. (went → th SENKAPIS (c ‘→ (no 1)’ p2) gain 2 pay rspkt 2 th dead som of hoom may hav bn my ncestrs & found a coupl of LEPŠIAI (ssoci8d wth BERŽAI (birch trees (whch grow big here))) a GRYBAS whch may b rl8d 2 what r known as slippry jacks in oz. W will boil thm & throw thm → th SRIUBA. Vaidas has stoppd chisln & brght a beer. I hav fnshd th xrcise book but hav nothr 1)…. 2004 Liepos 10d (šeštadienis) Ystrdy evnn woz pleasntly warm, th best so far. O O 10pm w fnshd th Čepkeliu & Vaidas dcidd 2 go → Ukmergė 4 mor. Drove back ovr th meadow (1-2 ft hgh grass btween th wheel ruts) as dusk was gathrn then talkd x th LAUŽAS (fire) till 1am. His gr&ad had bn a RAKRUTAS (rcruit) → CARO (tsar, csar – from caesar (as is kaiser)) rmy 4 som nkrdibly long term (5? 10? 12? years) & had probbly cn LENIN whn he was on leav (whch had bn 2 short a time 4 him 2 get → lithol& in th snowy kondtions of wintr). This hous, the AVILYS (& nothr 1 in th yard of Tony & Milda (hoos maidn famly name is Sparrow (Passer domesticus : ŽVIRBLIS) th same as th Birds) Mushroom) (bhive) whch is still aktiv out back, th LITOVKA w found in th work shed, & much of th furniture O wer made x him (evn th planks kladdn th hous wer cut x him). He used 2 subskribe 2 a russian b-keepn periodkl & mport his queens from as far away as th KAUKAZAS (Caucasus). He had many childrn & 1 newborn was givn away 2 a childlss coupl wthout th new fathr findn out it wasnt his own. He is buried near x nxt 2 his fecund wife in th cemtry @ LIDUOKIAI 4ks away wher w bght a stubby each @ th PARDUOTUVE (genrl stor) ystrdy. Vaidas was @ his gr&mas funrl in th chrch wth 2 spires whch u can c in th dstnce from here. He (& Milda (x Sparrow) Mushroom) rmmbrs him well. It may xplain his @achmnt 2 this hous (cant get a car → in wntr bcoz of snow ovr th 1k of track ovr th meadow), lokalty & praps lithol& itslf. I (& th new gnr8n of mobile wstrn peopl) hav no knowlge havn spent mor time in DP kamps than in lithol& what 7

such an @achmnt 2 lokalty mght feel like…. (Vaidas is s&n down th BOBAS BOOBS) Its 1.30pm & wer back from Ukmergė. Th birds I was watchn as w wer waitn @ th garage (as w wer leavn here 2 hav a look @ th s@dy mrkt in Ukmergė (w thght w would try 2 find a SKILANDI whch evry1 says is th vry tastiest sausage but th 1s sold kommercly r fine gO (nstead of ‫ٱ‬s of th vry best qualty meat cut x knife) & of ordnry qualty & not smokd 4 mnths till its lmost dry as Vaidases gr&ad used 2 do & evn in th mrkt they said what they had wasnt th real thng so w ddnt x any (bsides Im a bit wary of salty produkts bcoz of a slght ake in me left kdny)) w dskovrd th tail pipe was missn & had spent th mornn askn @ car parts places 4 th rght size mufflr & lookn 4 som1 (but not th krook hoo had palmd off th dud tyre on us) 2 rplace it as we waitd. W r bcomn rglrs in Ukmergė havn drivn in each day, x 3 ystrdy.) whch had gathrd in larg numbrs in sOn ovrgrown vcnt lots wer th Kovas (Corvus frugilegus) & th Kuosa (Corvus monedula). Flocks of Čiurliai (Apus apus) wer flyn O ovrhead & mong th rein4cd konkrete ‫ٱ‬s of units (like housn kommission fl@s). Im eatn th 4st bluebrries & very tasty BRAŠKES (strawbrries (took th risk (c ‘→ (no 1)’ p5))) w bght a coupl of ks away near th ntrsektn of th gravl road whr our track coms out → seald Molėtai → Ukmergė rd. Th guy w bght thm from knows th Birds & was telln me he has a relo hoo migr8d 2 australia (bcoz he was in th rmd 4ces as all men of a certain age group had 2 b (or join th police ?) undr th germn ccup8n & then had 2 leav (as my fathr had 2 ) b4 th rturn of th soviets or get shot or dportd (& famlies)) but he ddnt know what town he livd in & ddnt korrspnd wth him. He has a hektare undr strawbrries & as I said they sure r tasty. He said his fathr had voidd joinn th kollktiv & livd wthout pprs ntil th NKVD caught him whn new passes wer bein ssued & terrorg8d both of thm as if his dad mght hav bn a PARTIZAN (c ‘Melbourne → Kaunas’ p8) & then fined him & kept finin him mor & mor till he went broke. He hmslf had bn a teachr (I told him my fathrs brothr Jonas had taught in Ukmergė) & said what he taught was BULLSHIT & PROPAGANDA like all th teachrs did 4 fear of bein dobbd → NKVD x a studnt. His dghtr came out 2 th road in bare feet. Sh looks youngr than my kids but has 5 chldrn. Sh rcognizd th Birds car (Vaidas was sittn nside) furthr up th road & said sh mght com O l8r 4 a ch@. Chances r sh dosnt get 2 meet many peopl (Vaidas said). Sh (Laila) is a very good lookn womn & her mannr was opn & dfrntial in th style of th Mushrooms near x (hoo, ncdntly, milk 4 cows whch is a lot 4 this ‫ & ٱ‬hoo can apply 2 get paid x th EU not 2 produce). Hope sh coms O ….(had a baptsm x wash in th Šašuola. Th Keršulis (Columba palumbus) is cooing. Vaidas has made a cup of t)…. (furthr nvstg8n in2 th meann of th word DAVAI (litho fonetik of rus slang) (c ‘→ (no 1)’ p14) ndik8s it means : go 4 it, get movn, time 4 aktion, get stuk in2 it, stik it in2 em, giv it your best, etc.) …. (th most kommn bird in lithol& is a sparrow like bird calld Kikilis (Fringilla coelebs) ….. (went 2 th SENKAPIS again; th † is said 2 hav bn rektd x Vaido gr&ad b4 he left 2 bgin his service as a RAKRUTAS 4 th CARAS of all rus. W had a brief vst from a friend of Vaidas hoo sumtimes stops here (but Vaidas dosnt want him 2 com whn he coms here himslf from oz) calld Gediminas (son of Mindaugas I think). Now th friend & nothr friend of his & wives & a coupl of kids hav rrivd & will stay 4 th nght. I kan feel Vaido (of Vaidas) blood prssure risin. They r O 2 heat up th PIRTIS (c ‘→ (no 1)’ p3 & 4). Their names r Kristina (girl), Daumantas (boy), Saulius (friend of V), Giedrius & Žydrūnė (husb& & wife, friends of S) & Edita (wife of Saulius). & just spottd a teenage kid sittn in th car (2 cars) fiddln wth his mobile. Vaidas may find it hardr 2 liv in 2 cuntries & maintain ownrshp than he thinks. 2004 Liepos 11d (sekmadienis). 8.20. I m 1st up (Vaidas has just srfced & drawn my @ntion 2 th dead mole Mirta (th dog blongn 2 th Mushrooms) must hav caught durin th nght). Th storks r clappn their beaks . Iv just bn 2 th IŠVIETE (outside hole-in-th-floor toilt u hav in th kuntry vs th flush TUALĖTAS of th city) & guess what – my SHIT is GRASS GREEN. (coffee is pourd (ovr gOs) & waitn 2 settl) Th@ must hav bn th strawbrries again whch I ddnt wash bcoz th guy selln thm said they eat thm wthout washn & they r grown just on straw (Edita hoo is a farmcist said its th fertlizr what does it & 2 lways wash thm) but I dont feel sick. (Edita has srfced) I m rportn it 4 th nfom8n of dDaOvIiGd & jWoAhLnL hoo mght hav 2 cure me whn I m back in Melbourne. Th famly wth 2 boys (1had a pet chinchilla) left ystrdy evnn aftr th parnts finshd in th PIRTI (sauna) & only Saulius, Edita & Kristina stayd ovrnght. I was ntrstd 2 hear Saulius talk O his 2 yrs of nationl service (in soviet times) whch he did in th far north mostly in th Archanglsk region of arktik USSR. Apart from th xtrordnry beauty of th nvirnmnt his mmries r bad. They learnt nothn whch kontributd 2 chraktr dvlpmnt xept a “steely rsolv” 2 8

maintain prsnl dignty in th face of brutliz8n. While w wer talkn Ilona (nikname Laila), husb& Andrius & their 5 young kids all very close in age 2 each othr turnd up in their van. Andrius is a thin, stoopd wiry yng fellow hoo smokd all of Vaido cigretts & I thght was a very sharp & ntllgnt persn. Whn he & his friends work in norway they work 1000 hours / 3 month work visa & com back wth 22,000 Lt each. Here he hires labour 4 th strawbrries @ 10 Lt / day. All th gun workrs of his age r ovrcs he said but he wants 2 make a go of it here & I reckn hell succeed. Hardly any of th SODYBAS in th ‫ ٱ‬r ownd x rginl lokls & verythn is dslok8d. He thinks it may b a good thng th DVARAS is in th h&s of an dividual evn thgh he got it 4 prktkly 0 bcoz othrwise it would b pilfrd & dmolshd (x legal / llegal kumpnys) till 0 woz left like nearly evrythn els th st8 rtaind has bn. (I m buzzd x a larg bumblb) & guess what! they bght their SODYBA from ŽjIoŽnYaSs but he is not my fathrs brothr hoo is long dead. This ŽjIoŽnYaSs specializes in buyin a place, doin it up & selln. He had bght theirs b4 doin it up 4 a cost he had rpaid x selln th 1st crop of appls he got. W talkd O th huntn praktices wher orgnizd groups wth beatrs r shootn verythn th@ moves sometimes 4 th benfit of 2rsts llegally. Most wild nimals r lready gon. I told thm how w tried 2 x a SKILANDIS (he says its a MIESČIONIŠKAS word 4 KINDZIUKAS) & th big news is they hav sevrl don 4 thm in th propr KAIMO (of th kaimas) style x an xprt & theyv tstd 1 & its real good so I said w would b ovr 2day 2 x 1. (just had a bowl of MĖLYNĖS (pickd x Edita in th Ignalina region) in milk wth sugr whch Edita reckns I should eat heaps of while I m here coz they r full of vitmns & mnrls (23/8/04 – and radioactive too perhaps. That should make your trips to th toi-let a glowing experience. Helh&z.) & r good 4 (lithos r lways talkn like this & sayin how natrl their foods r kmprd 2 othr kuntries) me eyes). He says th typkl coupl in Ukmergė knssts of a wife hoo works @ a kmmrcial knittn machine & a husb& hoo harvsts timbr @ O x 3 th r8 whch was lready kns-drd in soviet days 2 b ovr th sustainbl limt. His brothr has 1 of th knittn / sewin faktries in Ukmergė but dosnt lock th womn up 2 work thrgh th nght 2 fulfil a quota like som do. Nyway th kontrakt klothes mn-fctrs r shiftn out → bielorus & urkraina wher husb&s send out th wives (& mothrs & babas) 2 work 4 evn less. (th baby storks wer clackn their beaks as a parnt bird flew away from th nst aftr feedn thm). I m gunna hav a s&wch. Then me & Vaidas mght → drive (he reckns (till th vstors r gon I reckn)) → Kaunas & ← & then x th KINDZIUKAS. DA PAŠOL T NACHUI (rus slang in litho fonetik)…. 2004 Liepos 12d (pirmadienis). 7.45. No sleep (22/10 this iz nuthr ssay I wrote @ th strt of th prjkt : SLEEP (perchance to dream) “Dreams are made of mist, you wake and they are gone. (Billy Shakespear). They were all night dreaming now it is morning and they are withered. Shadow falls in love with sun, sun rises and shadow is destroyed. They were bubbles, now they are burst. Vanity all is vanity. (Assorted). (paragraph).I am an insomniac. But my wife tells me I thrash about in my sleep. It's not true. I am awake all night and I don't dream. Or I dream that I am awake which explains why I never have any memory of dreaming. I think all night. Each thought leads to another more convoluted more exciting one always taking me into the next labyrinth. How can I possibly fall asleep then? They are so convincing I remember them perfectly. No wonder I get up in the morning with bags under my eyes, exhaus-ted. It takes me half a day to recover. (paragraph).Those whom the gods would destroy they first make mad. An insomniac is only a longer (more pretentious?) maniac. I have a friend whose partner lost the capacity to distinguish between being awake and sleeping. She was taken away. He claims to have seen her sleeping during nights when she said she hadn't slept at all. I knew a girl who cried all night every night. My friend says that what is needed is a sense of irony. I think he was referring to the waking state, daytime reality. Life in fact. Reality as gamesmanship, a happenstance, perhaps maybe and on the other hand. (Billy does it better). Yet I would have thought that dreaming was the ironic state. Extraordinary unpredictable events engulf us in dreams. (I remember only from my childhood) and we shrug them off as shadow play. Except nightmares which Borges (the Argentinian writer) claims are visiting demons. The waking life, my dear friend, seems more like a fight to me, a dour struggle for the highest stakes. If it were not so why are we made so complex and so beautiful? Perhaps your partner became exhausted from waging life's battle both by day and all 9

through the night. Borges (again! but I think he is quoting) wonders why all the scholarly studies of dreaming only try to answer how instead of the why of it. Maybe the purpose of dreams is to give respite from the struggle. (paragraph) ***** (paragraph) A Chinese sage reverses it, or suggests the possibility, that it is in sleep that we experience the real world, wrestling with our destinies like pawns in the machinery (which may consist of the mythologies we are assigned to fulfil) of the gods. Once we wake up we are left with barely a trace of the memory. In this scenario the ir-ony I attributed to dreams is that quality of our waking memory which expunges them. (paragraph) Bertrand Russell asks us to ima-gine a world created just recently, with its entire complement of libraries, museums, histories and individual memories already in place. The elders taught that the past is a dreaming.”) again. Got up on th 4th piss, saw th dawn on th 3rd, a starry nght sky on th 2nd, & had barely got meslf cozy in bed 4 th 1st. Ddnt get a chance 2 put in a furthr ntry ystr-dy bcoz w ddnt get back from Kaunas till dusk & x th time w 8 & rlaxd O th fire wth a glass of 999 (Tr-ejos devynerios (favorit drink of eJdOuNaUrŠdAaSs (15/10. c ‘→ (no 1)’ p12))) wher me & Rita (from Pittsburg USA wher sh studies histry of rt & flosfy & coms home 4 holdys havn spnt th last 8 yrs way) talkd O talk (LfOrVaEnCkE u may b ntrstd 2 know shs in2 sound poetry) while Vaidas said 0 & listnd wth wry musemnt. Earlier in th day b4 Saulius & Edita had left th SODYBA Vaidas had turnd O from his tap-tappn & said I hav sum stuff 2 do in Kaunas (O 80ks ← Ukmergė) & 1t b comn ← till th evnn, do u 1nt 2 stay here or → wth me so I → wth him. He also said 2 Saulius & Edita I spose u will b → x th time w get ← & when w ← they → havn left th place prtklarly tidy. Th nxpktd trip → town was prfkt timin 4 me as I knew H would b home from Townsville (Queensl& ozziel& wher th avrage day was 27º & th weathr just rght 4 sailn etc sh said) as th skool term strts 2day (mondy) & it meant I was abl 2 hav a long knvrs8n x our greed mthd wher I O & tell her th no. 2 O back bcoz its cheap 2 O from oz 2 lithol& but very xpnsive th othr way. Sh had a gr8 holdy & larfd (but I dont think Iv don much & I dont know if its what I look 4 & Im 1drn what HA! HA! HA-ING! is all O & peop dont ha ha ha very much here & som not @ all & Im here wher I m now) a lot in good kumpny ntil sh read my piece ‘Vilnius (no 1)’ whn sh got back 2 Melbourne a day or so go & it had spoilt her holdy coz sh said I soundd as if I had lost my =ibrium (whch I hav a rekord of doin spektakarly) & whats th@ O talkn 2 PROSTITUTES (LYTINĖS PASLAUGOS), whch I ssurd her I hadnt. (23/8/04. He thinks I was born yester-day – Helh&z) Talkn live (aftr 3 weeks (sh has read th 1st 3 pieces & ‘Vilnius (no 2)’ is @ th PO 2 b pickd up 2day & I cant rmmbr if it was =y dark as ‘Vilnius (no1)’ coz its easy 2 get → dark mood (4 me hoo haz th nkln8n) whn its rainn evry day in lithol& & your in it) it was a thrill & I felt th days purpse had bn chievd) kan make all th dffrnce & I m sure sh could tell I was OK & th fakt is I hav not bn subjct 2 a crtain hard 2 kontrl git8n I m subjkt 2 4 th ntire trip xept Iv bn bloody tired & its a new cuntry & I woz born here & ndr th Ostances Im not likely → 2 b in my norml st8 of =ibrium anyway nor could b xpktd 2 but I couldnt tell if sh was OK & sh soundd very tired. Othr news woz th@ Ben had don a long walk in th Grampians & sh was meetn up wth K8 & very1 woz OK & sh had cn th Birds Gallry stuff be-in sold in Townsville & LfOrVaEnCkE has rung 2 say he had dskovrd a litho poet x th name of GrgAiJnAtUaSrKaAsS hoo is also a muzo wth a group calld ‘Rockrfella’ hoom he liked & he said I should look him up on th ntrnet & mayb meet in persn – but I know th@ if I m sposd 2 meet him I will anyway wthout lookn him up coz very1 meets very1 in lithol& (its small) if theyr sposd 2. I was abl 2 make th call coz Vaido parents (his mum also fed us & got me 2 hav a showr & offrd 2 wash me clothes but I had left my suitcase @ th VIENKIEMIS & both his parents wer very good 2 talk 2 as they wer only nklined 2 say what was ncssry) offrd me th use of their fone. Aftrwds w drove 2 th centr of Kaunas wher we had 3 mažus alaus (small beers) @ 3 dffrnt barai (baras – bar) strtn @ a baras near SOBORAS (c ‘Melbourne → Kaunas’ p6) & ndn up @ 1 in th SENAMIESTIS near wher I had stayd in Kumeliu g-ve wher a trmndous storm peltd down just as u mght get in Melbourne in summr. 4got 2 mntion th@ whn w wer drinkn in th 1st baras w w@chd a stunt plane doin vertkl climbs, dives, loop-th-loops & spins like I havnt cn b4 ovr SOBORAS. Walkn → Laisvės Alėja w met a coupl Vaidas knew hoo said “w must meet up wth rEaIiMmOuNnTdAaSs” hoo isnt in Kaunas as he usually is wher he is th centr of @ntion but is workn 4 pin money @ a 4st /lake rsort only 30ks from wher w r in Rimeisiai. & Vaidas rote down 10

their mobile fone no & walkn → Vilniaus g-ve w met nothr coupl hoo knew Vaidas hoo lso said “w must meet up wth rEaIiMmOuNnTdAaSs” & he took down their fone no 2 wth th red fountn pen whch had bn givn 2 m x DIaCnAdSrTeRaO whch he had knockd off from th st8 libery of Vic in Melbourne, ozziel&. & walkn back along Laisvės Alėja from Vilniaus g-ve I met LEVdIaCnKaIS & husb& hoom I know from Melbourne & hoos son Stepas is probbly (15/10. he did & is back in Melb & I talkd 2 him last sundy @ litho haus & he sed it woz a good evnt) comn wth KEdSaMnIiNuAsS 2 do JUMBO JAZZ (c ‘Vilnius (no 2)’) stuff in septmbr. Then w went 2 th 4th baras wher we drank a ornge juice wher w met up wth Rita @ 7.30pm hoom Vaidas had pparntly bn On up mystriously ovr th prvious days. From ther w drove 2 Ukmergė wher w don som shoppn & 2 here as nght was falln & Rita said sh had lready vztd rEaIiMmOuNnTdAaSs a few days ago @ th lake rzort. It is very strange & mayb they r all mmbrs of 1 very ntm8 CHEBRA (group) (23/8/04. Perhaps they have all partied in the pirti . As you have experienced it’s a great intimacy developing experience – helh&z) or gon 2 rt skool 2gthr or mayb lithol& is so small or mayb they all hav 2 b& 2gthr coz othrwise ther just isnt very much here 4 thm or theyd get lonely sk@rd O th O 2 make a livn. During th nght I kept 1drn as I usually do on sleepless nghts WHY? WHY? WHY? & WHY m I writn as I do? & I kpt hearn th nswr BCOZ I DO BCOZ I DO BCOZ I DO. W ddnt x th kindziukas from Ilona & Andrius like I said w would but w mght do it 2day or 2morrow. Its 10.15 & Vaidas is tap-tappn & Rita (I m bein buzzd x a wasp) hasnt surfaced yet (kan hear a trakta) & its a beaut day & ther r lots of new mole holes O…. Ri-ta reckns Ukmergė is 1 of th ldst towns in lithol&. W got th KINDZIUKAS. They tried 2 make us take a O 1 4 0 but w rfused as w couldnt use up a O 1. I vouch 4 it – its good. Basikly its a salami made from top qualty large cut ‫ٱ‬s of meat & pork fat prssd → pigs bladdr & wher it diffrs from any salami Iv eatn is th very smoky taste whch is dlicious. They also tried 2 giv us 2 large punnts of strawbrries but w on-ly ccptd 1. Luckly I hav a small bottl of pure t tree oil 2 giv 2 thm 2morrow 2 rmind thm of australia. 4-got 2 mntion this (1.30pm now; th 2 parent storks flew ovrhead) mornn th@ H reckns I mght as w-ell 4get O pplyin 4 th position of lithol& 2rsm prmotor as I wont get 2 th 1st ntrview aftr they re-ad my ‘Vilnius (no 1)’ rtcl. But I dont PROMOTE, I DMOTE. & here is a sayin Vaidas told me : JEI NE GRYBAI IR NE UOGOS DZŪKU MERGOS BŪTU NUOGOS …. A big win! I found 5 BARAVYKAI 4 of whch wer wthout worms & 1 KAZLIEKA & Vaidas got a h&ful of VOVERAITĖS (15/10. Chantar-elles) so w wer abl 2 make nothr sperb mushrm (eat your ♥ out Zorka) / nettl soup 2 last 4 2 days. 20-04 Liepos 13d (antradienis). Whn he is shiftn a nkopr@iv cow 2 a new spot ftr milkn Egidijus (very kommn litho name says Rita) Mushroom swears in russian (BLAT etc) but I also heard KURVA whch is polsh & I havnt heard used since D.P. lager (camp) days. Rita says ther is a diktionry of orgins of litho names & sh will find out what it says O ARŪNAS & O Vaidas so he kan tell me. Th dlicious piece of SKILANDIS (kindziukas) w got whch has bn eatn mostly x me was made from Ilonas & Andriaus (of Andrius) own pig. Ftr a good nghts sleep got up @ 10am. Vaidas found a tik on his belly (I mght hav skr@chd 1 out of me head coz I hav a lump on it) whch u hav 2 take seriously here as 70 (in oz th quivlnt = 480) die / year from cefalitis (sed Brigita) & many srvive brain dmaged. (He has just pourd me a glass of 999 coz he lost th bet th@ he would find som mor mushrms). W don a day trip 2 Molėtai etc. (bgnnn of ‫ ٱ‬of lakes & beautful 4st) koz it woz rainn steadly whn w got up. @ Molėtai I ovr 8 on fried bread & česnakai (garlik) koz Iv bkum +ktd 2 it. Rita, hoo is an only child, woz goin 2 2 skools x th time sh woz 8 & woz learnn th piano (whch sh wantd 2 SMASH) & woz xpektd 2 get hgh marks 4 verythn & has now learnt 2 rjct manpl8n. A good word in litho (sh xplaind it) is IMLUS but it dznt mean xakly th same as sensitiv & it doz not mean u r a taker as it looks as if it kould. Australia is AUSTRALIA (lithol& is LITVA) in litho fonetik (NB : CH in litho fonetik makes th same sound as H does in nglsh in th word hut) rus. ČIEM VYŠIE INTELEKT / TIEM NYŽIE POCELUIJ = KUO AUKŠTESNIS INTELEKTAS / TUO ŽEMESNIS BUČNYS = th hghr th duk8n / th lowr th kissn. W r ← @ th VIENKIEMIS & th clouds r breakn up. Vaidas & Rita hav writ a set of rules 2 b pinnd 2 th door 4 peopl 2 observ whn they use th place when he is away in ozziel& …. Rita has writtn a koupl of poems (sound poems?) 4 me 2 pass on2 LfOrVaEnCkE (15/10. (c ‘Vilnius (no 1)’ p11) wth hoom I had lunch 2day @ Stalactites on greek cnr (Lonsdale/Russell) wher Nicole iz back ← 4 munth trip O th O O whr sh vzitd ovr 20 kuntries. I told her O GRAIKU RŪMAI (Greek Palace) in Kaunas (c p1), & gave her my last 5 pieces & 11

told her shes in this 1)….2004 Liepos 14d (trečiadienis). Nothr good (thgh short) nghts sleep. Only got up 1ce 2 check th nght sky & m pleasd 2 hav missd th dawn. Th last of my st8d (c ‘Melbourne → Kaunas’ p?) aims in cumin 2 lithol& has bn chievd – I dreamt in litho 4 th 1st time on th trip. I was in a room on a boat (whch woz wkwrd 2 moor) or mayb th room woz on th pier I had had toubl moorn th boat 2 & a young womn (ther wer othrs comn & goin) was ccusin me of bein –ve in my ‘Vilnius (no 1)’ rtcl & I woz very sprized coz I kouldnt work out how sh kould hav known of it othr than havn sneakd a read of my journl whn I had left it on a tabl somwher. Wthout any pparnt guilt sh dmittd sh had read it wthout prmssion. Som peopl kame lookn 4 kkomod8n & I realizd it woz in konnectn wth th biannual litho days evnt they r havn in Melbourn @ th nd of th year. Kant rmmbr any mor sntnces or evn singl words from th konvers8n but m sure it woz konduktd in litho. Othrwise ther seems no signfknce to th dream. Prhaps it means ther is no longr anythn 2 hold me here & I m turnn my gaze back → Melbourne. Part from th dream I got up in th nusual stu8n of not havn 2 c@ch up wth m@rial I had faild 2 note down from th prvious day xept 2 giv th name of th swallow (1 of only 3 species here) Iv bn seein : its th Langinė Kregždė (Delichon urbica). Wer → Ukmergė 2 drop Rita off @ th bus 2 Kaunas …. On th way back bght a large punnt of black currnts 4 2.50 Lt from a womn hoo pickd me as a 4ner from my habt of sayn OK @ th nd of a sntnce & then did her best not 2 giv me my 50c change from 3 Lt. Sh tried 2 get me 2 x a 2nd punnt & 1 of th 2 large cheeses (wth dill seeds) sh had. Th moles hav dug a new set of holes ovrnght & Vaidas woz 1drn how 2 xtermn8 (23/10. whn him & me wer @ Wanganella last week w found whr th karp wer spawnn in th swamp near whr th road †s th ‘8 Mile Outlet’. Th watr (1 ft deep) woz live wth huge (6 kilo) fsh & I waded in & skoopt 2 out in a singl go wth th net & left thm 2 die in th sun on th shor. Now @ nghts Im 1drn why I woz th cauz of a needlss & kruel KATASTROF in their lives (25/10. in th nxt life I dzrv 2 rtrn az a karp & b gaffd x a fshrmn)) thm. Its a beautful sunny (thrgh brokn cloud) & breezy day whch shld help dry th pasture out whch I notd as w wer drivn back was a metr hgh in places. @ th mrkt whr I bght th punnt of JUODU SERBENTU I rang up th Metropolis hotl 2 make a bookn as w r rturnn 2 Kaunas 2night. @ th bus st8n I made a point of usin th toilt gain (c ‘→ (no 1)’ p1) 2 fix it mor firmly in my mmry 4 th bnft of my gr&chldrn. Since my 1st vist (c ‘Melbourne → Kaunas’ p7) a prfusion of new flowrs is rplacin th 1s whch wer then in flowr but white ntrsprsd wth blues & mauves rmains th domnnt theme …. (a h&ful of RAUDONU (red) SERBENTU takes time 2 kollct bkoz theyr small; Vaidas found a huge BARAVYKAS th@ w had missd but it was wormy; w r kookn up sum KALDŪNAI (pelmeni in rus; dumplings with meat in em); 4 all I know it may b my last day in th ‫ ٱ‬my fathr grew up in (15/10. c ‘→ (no1)’ p3 & 5))…. In th evnn w mowd a good part of th yard @ th back of th TROBA. Th BOBA had a 2nd coat of sealr put on & is ready 4 th paint job. Now Im back @ th Metropolis (rm 310 @ 55 Lt / nght (wthout brekky)) in Kaunas. Its gettn 2 b a habt (11.35pm). (nip) (28/8/04. No, the nipping is getting to be the habit – helh&z). Had a meal of vėderai @ Berneliu Užeiga washd down wth Baltijos. Im dvlpn reglr p@rns like a lokal – walkn down Laisvės Alėja (used 2 b th premier st in lithol& kkordn 2 Vaidas & he nearly kried 2 c how it had changed ftr he had bn way 3 years (ther used 2 b ‘milk’ bars wher u got various milk prod-ukts & buns etc) bcoz since ndpndnce all $$s → Vilnius) & Vilnaus g-ve & back like evry1 hoo is any1 does @ least 2ce / day. Th change here is th@ th street vendrs hav bn bannd (I think its a pity) & th pruvians r gon 2.(nip) : Im hookd on Čepkeliu. Goodnght. 2004 Liepos 15d (ketvirtadienis). Th room is bov th DISKO whch keeps thump thumpn in2 th mornn hours. Went 2 bed l8 & woke up very early. I m dskovrin th@ in lithol& as in oz I funktion bettr in th cuntryside wher at least I get som sleep. But ther is mor 2 it . As wev bn drivn → & ← Kaunas Iv bn gettn tantalizn glimpss of wh@ seemnly r xtrordnarly beautful 4sts & keep bein rmindd its in such nvrnmnts I m most @ peace & feel most nspired. Kaunas has mptied out bcoz durin th summr holdays very1 goes 2 their SODYBAS & othr rurl rtreats. On th way here ← Ukmergė w wer passn kids selln strwbrries (tiny), MELYNES (ncstrs of bluebrries), & mushrms. I think I could spend my ntire holdays in th 4sts but I would need 2 hav a car or find som1 =y ntrstd whch wont happn. Thrwise I hav lost th dsire 2 c new things & 4 th last 2 weeks ntnd 2 rlax → routine. In the old town ‫ٱ‬s of Vilnius & Kaunas I feel quite @ home now, lmost like a lokl. Ftr I rins out my t-shirt & ndrpants whch r soakn in th bath I m goin 2 get a copy of Lietuvos Rytas & read it ovr a pl8 of ŠALTIBARŠČIAI (a cold borsch servd wth a side pl8 of 2 or 3 hot spuds) followd 12

up wth a kaffe …. Vaidas suggstd th@ if u go → muzeum just 1ce youv lready spoilt th O day. I greed wth him & I sppose its bekoz x doin it youv llowd yourslf 2 b nfluencd (& shown an nklin8n 4) x 2nd h& md8d xpriences (kan hear th stunt plane gain) as if th here & now (whch is an xprssn (trans4m8n) of th past b4 your very eyes) wer not nuff. But it kkurs 2 me th@ I m a xampl of an evn biggr prfrnce 4 2ndry xprience bkoz I m a voracious knsumr of books. Nothr thght I had 2day was th@ ther may b mor beggrs in Melbourne than Kaunas but as a lokl Iv traind myslf not 2 c thm. (th clouds r gathrn but here in rm 310 its ovrheatd). 1 major dffrnce (I said 2 V) btween here & in oz is th@ in lithol& th lives of rtists & such is much mor intm8 since its a much smallr place (& popl8n) & th mjorty of thm gathr 2gthr in th SENAMIESČIAI of Kaunas & Vilnius whr they r likely 2 bump → each othr in Laisvės Alėja / Vilniaus g-ve & in Pilies g-ve thrgh whch streets they r sure 2 → a coupl of times / day. I feel it would b easy 4 me 2 bcom part of th scene in a very short time but I dont think I would want 2 b subjectd 2 th group mores of an ntm8 gathrn of th like mindd. I 8 th ŠALTIBARŠČIAI in a kavine O th krnr wher they playd nglsh muzak & servd CHIPS wth th soup nstead of boild spuds wth dill (KRAPAI) leavs – wont go ther gain! Ystrdy V said I could walk † lithol& if I ddnt let on (I could get way wth it) I was from ovrcs & aktd as an xntrik writr (28/8/04. No acting required – hel-h&z) …. Th street vndrs r makin a comback & th pruvians r out front Aušros Gimnazija (& mum, I did vist th skool & spent quite a bit of time tryin 2 lok8 your name (wth th help of th libarian) mong th llum-ni but I ddnt). My fone calls r gettn xpnsiv. Whn I went 2 fone Egle (x Žižis) I dskvrd I had left my kard wth 100 kredts still on it in th booth @ Ukmergė whn I made th bookn 4 Metropolis. Bght a new 50 kr-edt kard 4 9 Lt. Troubl is my hearin 4 volume is dtrior8n so I dont hear th warnn tone. Was 1drn why I hadnt cn any mor ncidnts such as I saw in th 1st koupl of weeks (eg. c ‘Melbourne → Kaunas’ p6 & ‘Šiauliai’ p7). M I rstriktn → so as 2 void thm? Was thinkn O Ritas use of th litho term IVARDINTI (ie 2 assign a name (VARDA) 2). Its stongr (mor aktiv, gesturl) & mor ndiktiv of th process than th nglsh terms ‘2 name’ or ‘2 label’ O whch Iv writtn what I konsidrd 2 b a koupl of my bettr ssays (16/10. they wer writtn O this time of year in 1999 & r kollektd in a piece titld ‘Meditation on Lake Gairdner’ (c ‘29/4/04 – 1/5/04’ p1). X nkludin thm here I m kontinuin th process of kompletin a O whch bgan 5 yrs ago. I sspkt this series of rtkls on lithol& may b th nd of my writin or of a majr fase in it. Here they r : LABELS (the will to power) “Ants communicate by chemical signals, a different pheromone for each task : one for status, another to ma-rk a trail, to warn of danger, give direction to food, a passport into the queen's chamber, marker for particular colony etc. etc. Each che-mical label is like one of our words or sentences. A single ant becomes disoriented and soon dies without being guided by the language of the colony. Wilson, the world authority, describes beautifully how parasitic ants exactly imitate the chemical signals of their hosts in order to infiltrate their cities. The parasites are usually ludicrously different in size and every other way yet the victims are unable to recognise them. Because for practical purposes they are blind, reality for ants consists only of chemical labels. They scurry, carry monstrous burdens, groom the queen, rip each other apart all for the whiff of a pheromone. (paragraph) Some scientists view humans likewise, as vehicles for transferring information by codes, language, labels, flags etc. Others fear these robots cause as much havoc to society as the parasitic ants do to the colony of their hosts. (paragraph) We shape our individual identities by labelling ourselves. The amount of power we as-sert over others depends on the labels we accrue. If I am a policeman I can arrest you. I don't even have to be a real one as long as I can convince you I am. A stolen uniform helps. A citizen's arrest doesn't work nearly as well I discovered when I took a guy into the station and the cops threatened to charge me with kidnap. (paragraph) Art is a label. The official variety is accredited by a combination of critics, publishers, the marketplace, curators, teachers, fellow artists, sponsors etc. Or it can be self designated (on false pretences?). Art is strange that way. There seems to be a mysterious symbiosis between the two kinds. A lover's poem carried next to the heart causes palp-itations but one read in a book barely registers. Gifts personally crafted are treasured possessions but the same objects hang cold and ste-rile on gallery walls. Superannuation funds pay 13

millions for the gallery product. Objects are delineated by being labelled. Otherwise they cannot be subdivided and owned. Or bought and sold. Logos are labels. You mark what is yours (trunks and lampposts belong to dogs). You know the owner by the brand. Artists endorsing the logos of multinationals in order to gain sponsorship end up being owned by them. They sell their souls for a pittance. (paragraph) **** (paragraph) Once we could only grunt but swung through the trees with the greatest of ease. Then we learnt to label everything. Now look what we've got : motor cars, aeroplanes, skyscrapers, smart weapons. The whole world.” & NAMING IT (what’s in a name?) “If you step in it, no matter what y ou call it, it sticks to your boots. A rose by any other name smells just as sweet. Or does it? (paragraph) A friend of mine remembers how when he was a kid in new york his sister got to hate the family staple of peanut butter & jam sandwiches and wouldn't eat any more. Peanut butter and jam are not on-ly convenient but also a health food. So his parents simply renamed them Mickey Mouse sandwiches and she ate them with relish. (para-graph) Perhaps we name things in order to transform them. Or to give them shape so we can point at them. Or so we can see them sep-arately. Little children and some lunatics see clouds and sky, flowers and bees, green green grass all around as they were before they were named. A hazy, shapelessness with beautiful things floating in and out. William Blake (quoting someone else) wrote that if the doors of perception were opened we would see everything as it is - infinite. (paragraph) Certain heretics claim that god's name isn't really god. They argue (correctly I hope) that to name is to limit so as to gain control. They accuse the pope and his college of theologians of high-jacking god. Others would have us believe that god has a secret name which he guards jealously to preserve his power. Scholars waste their lives (risking their eyesight) searching for it, hoping to gain ownership of the world. (paragraph) **** (paragraph) According to the bible to look on the face of the all powerful one is to be blinded (amazing what can make you go blind!). Paul was lucky not to get in-jured when he fell off his horse. He spent the rest of his life organising the official church.” ). Here r som of my rules 4 givn : Iv bn tippn buskrs & beggrs =y; aluminium is worth 0 & just gets in th way so u must get rid of it (ie 1, 2, 5 cent koins); in Melbourne a spastik (holds 1 h& bhind his head) koori asks 4 $5 & I saw a guy @ th Errol in Errol st. Nth Melb. giv him $10 whch =s 20 Lt ie 2000 litho cents. So u must also giv way your bronz koins whch cum in values of 10,20 & 50 cents; I also giv b4 eatn so as 2 aid me dgstion. It kkurs 2 me th@ mayb th hardr livn kondtions in lithol& bring out th best in som people esp rtists. V re-ckns this is 1 of th themes of Tarkovskis film RaUnBdLrYeOiV. Prhaps its a necssry kndition 4 eg sai-nts. In wealthy kuntries w r subsumed in nsipd bl&nss. I got thrgh 2 Egle on th fone but sh is in Dru-skininkai lookn 4 work & Juozas is @ his SODYBA. Told her 2 tell him I m in town 4 2 or 3 days. Ra-ng Alvinga (c ‘Melbourne → Kaunas’ p9) wth hoom Ill hav t in the old town (SENAMIESTIS). W r me-etn @ 6 x th main ntry → ŠV. apaštalu Petro ir Pauliaus arkikatedra-bazilika. Th hot watr (pumpd fr-om cntrl lok8ns in Kaunas) pipes whch ovrheat th room in summr & prtrude from th wall in th toilt r great 2 hang your clothes on 2 dry. Im goin 2 take som Čepkeliu ← wth me 2 Melbourne …. I 8 (@ Berneliu Užeiga) pigs trottrs wth som kind of chik ps & spirgai (fried bits of bacon) all in f@ & then fri-ed bread & garlik on Alvingas rkmmnd8n as food 2 go wth beer. Now I feel krook & my skin is gree-zy. Sh said what hav u missd doin & I said seein 4sts so 2mrrow shes due @ 10 2 take me & her bro-thr (c ‘Melbourne → Kaunas’ p4) 2 spend th day in 1. On th way here sh took me 2 c th 3rd floor fl@ sh & her husb& (in New York) own in th very heart of old town. Her brothr was ther doin som rnov8ns. Her fancy VW (modrn beatl) was parkd in th ‘yard’. 1 thing Iv found O my poor litho rl@vs is th@ they hav mor proprty than I xpektd. x oz st&rds they r asset rch & $$s poor a bit like me & H will be whn she rtires nxt year. Vaidas just rang 2 say w could go 2morrow evnn 2 th Ignalina region of lakes & 4sts 2 his brothrs place & kum back → here or → Rimeisei on sundy so I greed. Iv just rung Alvinga 2 ask her if w could leav my gear @ her place durin th day so I wouldnt hav 2 pay 4 th days kommd8n @ Metropolis & pick it up in th evnn so I kan meet Vaidas @ 7pm @ Berneliu Užeiga. It was a grey day 14

& its drizzln outside now. Iv takn a 10 mg tablt of temazepam & m O 2 take 5 mgs of valium. 2004 Liepos 16d (penktadienis). Th pills & lhokol workd 2 giv me a short sleep. Did not hear th disko. If I kould stop a shavn bleed Id go out & x a new biro † th road & get meslf a cup of koffee & a kibinas (roll wth meat in it 4 1.3 Lt) 4 breakfst b4 Alvinga shows up ….2004 Liepos 17d (šeštadienis). 8.20 am. Ddnt hav an pportunty 2 put in an ntry ystrdy as w ddnt go 2 bed till 1.30am (klimbd down th steep metl steps / h&rail x 3 durin th nght 2 strain th spuds (1¼ in my case bkoz I had a hernia whn I was O 6 whch I ddnt hav rghtd till I woz O 13 & it woz bkomn nkreasnly painful 2 karry) & a 4th time 2 talk 2 Jimmy Britt) ftr sittn O th fire talkn 2 Vaido (‘o’ sgnfies ‘of’) brothr & wife (& nfnt dghtr) O his brothrs (a mnagr 4 a 4gn kumpny) theory th@ kmmercial ntrsts koincide wth th ntrsts of humanty. W r in a littl kabn x lake & 4st O 10ks from Ignalina (somwhr in th dstrkt ther is a huge nukulr lektricty genr8r of simlar dsign 2 th 1 th@ got way in Chernobyl whch spplies a good prt (60%) of lithol&s powr) in th eastrn prt of th kuntry 160ks from Kaunas. Here is th briefst outline of ystrdy. Alvinga (says DAVAI a lot) took me, her brothr Ernestas (did his nationl srvice in soviet days in th rktik on th northrn part of th rus/skandinavian bordr) & son Ervinas (here wth his fathr durin th summr holdys but in Minsk wth his mum th rest of th year; undrst&s som litho but I only heard him talk russian & thgh Alvinga keeps telln him 2 speak litho sh sually talks 2 him only in rus; whn he is c@chn a frog (ther r far mor storks since th nd of th soviet era (says Alvinga) bcoz peopl cant a4d 2 fertlize & 2 spray pestcide from th air & th frogs (& bugs) hav mltplied) he shouts gleefully “O-oho-oho” & “a-a-aha” as he would if he wer xclaimn in litho) in her modrn VW beatl ((cost 1000 Lt 2 ship ← US) whch is th worst possbl dsign 4 litho konditns as th klearnce is so low it evn bottms on th potholes in th yard outside th unit) 2 a natnl park th othr side ot Alytus (in Dzūkija; & Alvinga also said like Vaidas had JEI NE GRYBAI IR NE UOGOS DZŪKU MERGOS BŪTU NUOGOS) → mushroomn. I kould spnd all day very day in th kind of 4sts (& they wer not nearly as mprssiv as som w drove thrgh (near Labanoras) on th way here) w wer in but just whn I found th littl used track th@ temptd me 2 → I had ← O coz w greed 2 b back @ th VW @ 4.00 2 → (thrgh a thndrstorm & a traffik jam) 2 Kaunas 4 me 2 b in time 2 eat t @ Berneliu Užeiga (wher it says on th menu JEI NE GRYBAI IR NE UOGOS DZŪKU MERGOS BŪTU NUOGOS) b4 I was 2 meet (passn th Šv apaštalu Petro ir Pauliaus arkikatedra-bazilika on th way draggn my suitcase on its littl wheels I met LEVdIaCnKaIS gain) up wth Vaidas @ 7.00. Durin th day I spnt mor time gathrn h&fuls of MĖLYNĖS (tiny bluebrries on bushs no mor than 6” hgh whch in places kovr th ntire 4st floor) & ŽEMOGĖS (also tiny rl@vs of strawbrries in nlimitd quantities but whch take a long time 2 pik & whch my parnts rmmbrd as havn th most 1drful taste but I think what they wer rmmbrn woz their youth as th taste was not as 1drful as th strawbrries u x in th mrkts whch r far tastier thn th 1s in Melbourne but probbly hav a shortr sprmrkt shelf life (29/8/04. And probably glow in the dark if they come from Ignalina – helh&z)) than th 5 or 6 varieties of mushrms w filld a cr8 up wth. Soon my h&s wer blacknd from th mushrms & blue & mauve & red from th berries like th h&s of som street vndors (womn) I had cn selln thm in Kaunas. (just heard Saulius (Vaido brothr) say DAV-AI). Saulius & Kristina hav gon 2 th lake (whch knnekts up wth nnumrabl othr lakes & rivrs th@ join thm) edge wth buckts 4 a wash & 2 ← som watr. This place is kalld PAŪKOJĖ (ŪKOJAS (from ŪKAS (same as RŪKAS) meann mist) is th name of th lake) meann x (PA) th ŪKOJĖ. Just read th ntry 2 Vaidas & (get this Zorka!) he rekons I mght b th only persn in th hole O hoo reads my writn….I m writ-in wth h&s whch r blue as if bruisd but earlier wer rose. My dskovry 4 th day is th@ a mix of ŽEMOG-ĖS & MĖLYNĖS is th tastiest. I 8 many h&fuls as they of10 grow 2gthr as gO kovr. W drank koffee @ Gimučiai wher a rstord watr mill (MALŪNAS) has bn turnd in2 a kavine/bar. Ther was a white swan (mute) wth 8 chikcs whch r grey like th chicks of oz black swans. Its a very scenik ‫ ٱ‬wth nnumerbl lakes of clear watr sOd x beautful 4sts. In this 1 Saulio fathr-in-law kaught a 4 kg pike (LYDEKA) & Vaidas was in a boat whn he saw a wild boar (ŠERNA) swimmn † & kaught it x th ears but then let it go koz he ddnt know what 2 do wth it. W went mushroomn in a 4st wher th gO kovr woz ntirely of thick springy moss & found th sides of th akcess track horrbly (worse than nythn I c in oz) trashd x trailr loads of rubbsh. I got lost 4 while but a lokl mushroomr from Ignalina set me on course. W kollectd mainly VOVERUŠKAS but may not b abl 2 make use of thm as th stove is playn up & blowin th fuse. Vaido othr brothr, Gintas, back here permnntly from oz & very happy wth his new partnr Rūta has joind th 15

group. Gintas & Saulius had a lenthy dskussn wher Gintas rgued it made no dffrnce hoo u vote 4 & my kontrbution was 2 claim I m th APAŠTALAS (apostl) of not knowing (& so was Montaigne). Vaidas did manage 2 make th soup & its ready 4 tastn. 2004 Liepos 18d (sekmadienis).8.55 (Siaulius is doin his mornn xrcizes (in gstures, build & + @tudes he rminds me nnkannily of HrAoRgReOrP); V has gon down 2 th lake his toothbrush stikn out of his mouth; if it wernt 4 2 year old Augustė wed still b in bed) Yair, I like it : AŠ ESU APAŠTALAS NEŽINOJIMO. Iv bn sayn it in various dsguises 4 a long time. Thr iz a rlgious gravty 2 it & a kontradiktion az if u r sayn thr iz a rule th@ thr r no rules. & AŠ ŽINAU (I know (havn it both ways since if u make th rules u kan break em)) th@ MODERNITY will DESTROY verythn I kould hav kum 2 value O lithol&. Th nkomprably beautful 4sts whch evry litho will tell u holds a cntrl place in his magin8n & whch evn th kommnst era faild 2 dstroy r bein TRASHD. Saulius, hoo mnages a kumpny whch +vizes th govt (gets ntrviewd on telly etc.) on best EU praktices 4 wast dspozl, seems hardly 2 hav noticed. So 1ce gain I m seein vvidly what th lokls, ovrwhlmd x Osale changes do not c or r nnabl 2 orgnize their rsponses 2. Oh yes, ystrdys soup turnd out dlicious & I 8 3 pl8fulls. I sggstd 2 Vaidas th@ when w get back 2 oz w kontinue th praktice. Saulius, V & me r off 2 do som fishn …. Drove 2 Meironys som 20ks way (4 or 5 ks from Ignalina) past nnumrabl lakes sOd x 4sts. Passd many 2sts & hikrs wth back-paks on a day whch @ last feels like summr (I m wearn shorts, short sleav shirt & s&ls). Mtied th watr from th rowboat (blongn 2 Saulius fathr-in-law) moord in th clear stream whch runs thrgh th townshp & V rowd (motr boats r bannd) ↑stream → lake DRINGYKŠTĖ whch is only O 1½ ks long but u can get big fsh in it as all th lakes r joind & th 2 on eithr side r real big 1s. 1 of thm bkums th lake w r nxt 2. Th sOn kuntry is ndoubtdly th most scenik Iv cn in lithol&. V got stuck in2 th rown & w droppt ankr @ 1 nd of th lake in O 3 metrs of watr. Th fsh u can c@ch r : LYDEKA (→ 20kg), EŠERYS (redfin) (→ 5kg), KARŠIS ((c ‘→ (no 1)’) → 5kg), LYNAS (→ 5kg), RAUDĖ (all w8s givn x V r lways 20 or 5 kg), KUOJA, KARPĖ (carp (16/10 whch V has just learnd 2 c@ch in quantty here (w may b goin fishn on mundy))) & UNGURYS (eel). W thrw out balls of burly & fshd wth worms usin teleskopik rods. W drank a ½ ltr stubby of warm beer each. W ddnt get a nibbl & shiftd position. Ftr O 3 hours V rowd ← & → th stream ↓kurrnt past yllow & white watr lillies & a mute swan & a kid hoo said he had caught a fsh. M goin 4 a dip in th lake…...2004 Liepos 19d (pirmadienis). 7.30am. Got 2 th VIENKIEMIS @ 2am. (ther is a git8d Paprastoji Medšarkė (Lanius collurio) near x) Earlier w had left th Ignalina ‫ ٱ‬mid arvo ftr a vry pleasnt BBQ x th kabn wth Saulius & Kristina. I ddnt say a final good x 2 Saulius as he will probbly b givn me & Vaidas a lift 2 th Vilnius airpt @ 4am on th 30th. I was wearn his cap (wth th name of th finnsh packgin kumpny he used 2 work 4 writtn on th front) whch Kristina had givn me as protktion from th sun. O 40ks (50ks ← Vilnius) ← here V said lets drop in on rEaIiMmOuNnTdAaSs hoo is workn near x @ a 2rst rsort on 1 of th largst (O 20ks long) lakes in lithol&. So w did & whn Raimundas hoo is vry suntannd from his job as life guard (& rentn out paddl & rown boats from whch he is nkouraged 2 take som of th proceeds (such praktices r widespread) nficially bkoz th pay is r@shit) finally knockd off work @ 9.30 whn th last ovrdue paddl boat came in w s@ @ a tabl x th lake sw@n mozzies, kollektn glow worms, drinkn beer & eatn chips l8 in2 th nght. A friend (kouldnt get a VISA 2 com out 2 Melbourne last year (bekoz he is nemployd) thgh V had guaranteed food & kkomod8n) of Vaidas & Raimundas, Vytenis, & l8r his wife wer also ther. Raimundas askd if he kould use my name in kontaktn som1 rsponsbl 4 th What Is Music Festival whch pparntly takes place in Melbourne, Sydney & Brisbane. Iv vaguely heard of th evnt & said WALrTeEnRS, FRtYoEmR, & TOdLaLvEeY all well known @ the Make It Up Club & hoo get my writn would know of any leadn edge muzik evnt & suggstd if he sends his CV & CDs FRtYoEmR would hav no problms nvitin him in th name of the Make It Up Club. On 2nd thghts I m not sure if this is th case. Ftr all, th most I kan say O Raimundas is th@ he is a friend of a friend hoo says he is konnektd wth all th leadn edge muzik pr4mnce rt scenes in Kaunas but is on th outr wth th stablshmnt. Lithos hav a big rput8n of ovrstayn visas O th O & since th lympik games in ozziel& 2 (many of th knstrktion workrs hoo came 2 work on th lympik venues ovrstayd theirs). Th@s why visa rquiremnts 4 new rrivls from here hav bn tightnd up. I would dvise th Make It Up Club not 2 nvite any1 nless they show proof of 1) guaranteed bed & board (whch Vaidas would giv) 2) a paid up rturn air fare ← lithol& & → & 3) th@ they hav adqu@ health nsurnce 4 australian konditions. Th Make It Up Club 16

is a legally konstuted body whch may dpnd on grants 2 stage evnts & has 2 nsure it is not held liabl 4 th financial or visa prolbms of any1 it 4mly nvites. 1 of th ronik things O th leadn edge muzik & th avant garde scene is th@ bkoz it is aimd @ such a tiny audience it kan find itslf evn mor ntrappd x th SYSTEM & th STABLSHMNT than poplar gendrs whch raise money from th payn publik. The only reazn I m abl 2 write as I do 2 a readrshp of 1+ is bekoz I m Oy ndpndnt of th grants systm, H does my typn, & I pay 4 verythn meslf. Vaidas told Raimundas hed hav no trubl findn work as a haus paintr or sumthn 2 pay his way or th@ peopl @ litho house in Errol st. kould help but I wouldnt count on it. I dont know if he & th oz leadn edge scene hav nythn 2 offr th uthr muzikly but it would b nice if peopl hoo try 2 break th mould wer abl 2 giv each uthr moral supprt. Most rtsts (let alone rebls) in lithol& hav 2 work so hard @ nythn 2 make nds meet they hav no time or nrgy 4 th work theyd like 2 do.(10am Vaidas has srfcd)…. On th way ← Ukmergė ftr x-ng th paints 4 th BOBA as w wer drivn † th field w saw a pair of Kurapka (Perdix perdix) followd x 7 chicks runnn head → track b4 they ↑ & droppd out of sight ↓ th grass…. Found a BARAVYKA & LEPŠI. Ther r quite a few Žaliukės (greenfinchs) (Carduelis chloris) O & 2 young (just out of th nst) Strasdai Giesmininkai (song larks) (Turdus philomelos) whch I lso get in my yard in Melbourne. M goin 2 th SENKAPIS (c ‘Lord of the Rings’ – barrow mounds) 2 check 4 LEPŠIAI (plural) undr th birchs…. 2004 Liepos 20d (antradienis). V is paintn flowrs (can hear th storks hoo r nearly as big as their parnts clappn their beaks) on th dress of th BOBA. W r back from Ukmergė wher w bght a bush saw (mit8n made in china 4 6Lt & not as good as th real thng; th seketares w bght ystrdy lastd ½ hour b4 th spring bustd), a bottl of Čepkeliu (turns out ther r 2 kinds :1. flavrd x BRUKNĖS (pikd in swampy parts of th 4st & simlar 2 SPANGUOLĖS whch I think r cranbrries & r lso found in swamps) & 2. Flavrd x SPANGUOLĖS & MĖLYNĖS (whch r not so ssoci8d wth swamps (th othr berry found in swamps is th GIRTUOKLĖ (from GIRTUOKLIS = a drunk) whch is ssoci8d wth an rom@ik plant whch givs u a headake if u r pickn th GIRTUOKLES 4 2 long)) whch Iv bn eatn x th h&ful & whch evry1 says (Kristina said it) r good 4 your eyes (hence kancel out th ffekts of WANKING) & whch hav bn stainn my h&s 2 look like th h&s of Kaunas street vndors) kukumbrs, 2matoes, KRAPAI (dill (23/10. whch Iv takn 2 buyn in Melbourne)) & bread. Chekn thrght our mpties of Čepkeliu I find 0 of thm hav bn flavd x BRUKNĖS so Ill hav 2 try it out in Vilnius or mayb its what well x in Ukmergė 2morrow. Lso checkd up on th bus times on thrsdy 4 Vilnius of whch ther r plenty. Hav bn eatn h&fuls of raudonu (red) (doz. bushs in th yard & u c thm in evry gardn), juodu (black) (4 bushs), & baltu (white) (1 bush) SERBENTU (currnts) & of AVIETĖS (a rl@iv is found in ozziel& but th fruit of th oz 1 is tastless) whch grow wild in th yard & I sppose r th 4bears of goosbrries. Th AVIETĖS (..ĖS 4 subjkt & ..Es 4 objkt) r dlicious & I rkognize th taste wth a partkulr ntmacy (my fathr used 2 crush a grass stalk 2 c if th smell rmindd him of grasss (th field here is domn8d x a prfusion of white daisies) in his TEVISKĖ (wher he grew up)) whch ndk8s Iv eatn thm of10. What does it mean 2 rmmbr a taste or 4 th@ m@r 2 rmmbr @ all? U kould not rmmbr it if it had ceasd 2 xist in u so it must lways b ther in nuthr 4m (ie trans4md?) so can it b said th@ rmmbrn is a furthr akt of trans4m8n? – TRANS4MNG → WORDS. How r w nfluencd x thngs whch r part of us but r thr SILENTLY (prhps ntntionlly so (ie dsguizd) lmost but not quite vrblized? R w nfluenced mor x knowledge whch is trans4md → words or x what w know (& its O Os) wthout words? A coupl of days ago I rmmbrd a chldhood ncidnt in a village kalld Winzer in germny durin th war whn I woz O 4. I was playn wth a kid of O 6 on th bank of a fast flown stream wth an mpty suitcase th@ w wer climbn → & ←. I ddnt like th grmn kid (son of 1 of th 2 sistrs in hoos haus w wer stayn & hoos husb&s wer → @ th war) hoo had lordd it ovr me so whn he got ↓I snappd th klasps shut & on an mpuls pushd th suitcase wth him in it → th stream & he floatd → yelln nside. It was a case of @mptd MURDER but n4tun8ly he woz fshd out x som peopl hoo heard him whn th suitcase floatd out from undr th stone bridge 2 th othr side. I woz kkused x th sistrs but I stayd knfuzed & silnt (nvokn th 5th mmndmnt?). It was a dffklt time 4 me mum hoo had 2 xplain & konvince thm how rdklous it woz 2 kkuse a 4 year old of tryin 2 MURDER their kid. But now I hav rmmbrd it I know they wer rght, somthn I hav nevr told me mum. It may help xplain my claim whch I kannot rcall havn made but whch my mum said I said a year or so l8r th@ MY SOUL WAS AS BLACK AS BOOT POLISH. I dont think its an ll2gthr norml thng 2 say 4 a littl kid & a dscernn DETECTIV (or SAINT?) would hav guessd I had trans4md an @MTD MRDR 17

→ BOOT POLISH. 2nd day in a row w had soup. Its 8.55 & th LAUŽAS is lit. Time 4 th Čepkeliu V reckns. 2004 Liepos 21d (trečiadienis). Last nght w burnt up most of th pile of rubbsh wood & branchs I had bn stackn up from my f4ts 2 clean up th yard hoos upkeep had bn so badly nglktd x Vaido friends. Th set of ownrs rules on th kitchn door rquest th@ those hoo bnefit from th use of th place in his bsnce kntribute 2 its maintnnce. He was up long b4 me this mornn puttin stones in th wheel ruts of th worst ffectd part of th track, mown, & clearn an 2 ‫ ٱ‬put th BOBA (komplet xept 4 earOs) 2 best dvntage. 2gthr thes should giv th rght message. Hell know this time nxt year. W r off 2 Ukmergė …. Verywhr th mown goes on, ½ of it x h& x scyth. Womn (bobas) st& in th centr on top of normous mountns of hay piled on krakrstik V (or boat) shaped karts as men throw it ↑ 2 thm wth pitch4ks. Men urge their horses long th hghway from a position perchd (how do they ↑ & ↓?) abov. Th 1st hay harvstd in th dstrkt rottd due 2 th wet seasn so ther is som rgency 2 put in new spplies 4 th wintr whn cattl & horss r hausd in sheds. W bght 5 Lt VOVERUŠKU ( … U = of (plural)) so w kan make mor soup. On th way back w kllektd a load of stones 2 put on th boggy part of th track. A minmum of nothr 10 or so loads is needd. L8r well try 2 walk th BOBA 2 her finl lok8n & Im in mind of a story x Gogol wher a man is crushd 2 death x a † he woz carryin. Last nght x th fire V told me th@ Brigita had gon 2 india wth Miglė 4 a month a coupl of years back 2 vsit a holy man kalld Sai Baba (16/10. DIaCnAdSrTeRaO reckns he is a kon bekoz it sez so on telly) hoom evry1 xpt me has heard O (says V). This man (“demi-god” – V) sounds th quivlnt of Fra Pio of italy hoo has bn dklard a saint. Brigita mnaged 2 h& him a lettr whch made her trip a success as huge crowds choke th streets he is likely 2 → & u r lucky just 2 get a glimps of him. He givs peopl small mmntos whch m@erialize in his h&s from thin air. A litho friend of hers vistd him years ago & he turnd a crappy O he woz wearn → a beautful jewl whch he cherishs. He is lso a healr (but does he prtekt vsitors from Delhi belly?). Vaidas askd me how a doubtn thomas like me would b ffectd if I wtnssd proof of thes things wth my own very eyes, & its got me thinkn…. (oh yes, last nght I dreamt I saw a vry colrful littl bird I had nevr cn b4 & I made a point durin th dream of mmorizn it 4 dntfik8n & checkn in th bird book ftr I got up this mornn & I find its a Mėlyngurklė (Luscinia svecica))…. V, hoo spent 3 months (in searn heat) in india (on a UNESCO skolrshp) wthout ndrst&n a thng bkoz verythn woz bein don x dffrnt rules 2 th 1s he had known, says he dosnt dsmss th possblty of holy men havn special powrs but he ddnt sound 2 xcited whch is O my position. I kannot prdikt what my reaktion would b while retainn an opn mind but I suspkt Id b less mazed than most. Th xtrordnry aspkt of th doubtn thomas story is th bad press he gets bkoz he koudnt possbly hav doubtd if he had cn th mirakls @ributed 2 jesus of nazareth & what th story sggests (th hiddn meann) is th@ they ddnt take place @ all but wer nvntd x dluded skribes. It is not clear 2 me why those hoo blieve in mirakls should 1t 2 evade th rules whch hav led 2 th 4m8n of us in th O. Bettr 2 change th rules (whch would nvolv changn ourslvs)! Nvrthlss whn I get back 2 Melbourn Im gunna hav a read of what Sai Baba says …. Shiftd th BOBA 2 its position lookn out → dstnce ovr th fields. A lot of work was don & it was hot like a summr day in Melbourne. Last nght I was missn home & H. 2mrrow Im → Vilnius whr Ill spend th last week of the trip. It kould b Ill nevr ← here or 2 lithol& but I felt least like a 2rst here & woz @ peace. It is possbl I got a slght ntion of how it mght hav bn whn my fathr woz a boy in th ‫ ٱ‬but his O is gon & th last vestiges r O 2 b swept way. Finis.

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