Anth 47 Vilnius 1

2004 m birželio 9 d. 8.30 am @ th st8n waitn 4 th train 2 Vilnius. I think Im gettn kklim@ized. I talk 2 peopl just as I would in oz & buggr all th ATSIPRAŠAU (xkuse) stuff I was +vized 2 do in Kaunas. Mayb th peopl here r eazier 2 talk 2 or mayb my norml, brupt (ill-mannrd?) way of +rssn strangers would hav workd ther 2. Tried out me methd (Iv got a pretty good line O kumn back ftr 60 years not only 2 lithol& but 2 europ & th@ Iv kum 2 c th oak tree whch was plantd on th day I was born) on a girl @ th st8n & it works but sh says peopl here r MIELESNI NEGU KAUNE (mor warm ♥d than in Kaunas). Wer rolln – due in Vilnius @ 12.00. Tickt kost 24.10 Lt (ie $12.05). Iv workd out why I was askd 2 pay in kash (300 Lt) @ th hotl last nght nstead of x VISA. Its so ther would b no vdence of th last 2 days of my stay so th ladies @ rception kould pockt th 120 Lt. Good on thm; they work huge hours 4 only O 400 Lt/month same as most ordnry workrs & pnsionrs get & Im told check-out girls @ th suprmrkt get evn less & work longr. Th@s only nough 2 feed yourslf so its no 1dr most young peopl try 2 get work lswhr in europ. Honst workrs dont make a livn here. Just bought a koffee & a packt of nut bikkies 4 3 Lt. Im chwn coz som chwy kame wth it. Readn ‘LIETUVOS RYTAS’. Peopl knock up askn me why I speak such good litho as pparntly othrs rturnn hav an akcent. I say I dont know why but th@ Im short of words. A greek guy @ Stalactytes on greek kornr in Melb 1ce told me u only need 2 know 10 words in 4gn 2 prtnd 2 b a lokal (but they hav 2 b th 10 most kommnly used 1s). Got a lend of a pair of scissors kurtsy of litho rail 2 kut out th follwn rtkl from p.4 of ‘Lietuvos Rytas’.

Had a nip of trauktine (ftr askn th koupl in front if its legal) 2 get rid of th chewy taste & mpress th rest of th karriage with my authnicity. Though no1 els has dun it it makes it bvious Im not a 4gnr (nless russkie). X th x w r travlln thrgh beautful kuntry of 4sts, villges, & of pastures in bloom….Its 1.30 pm & Im brlliantly nstalld (wth showr) in room 203 of th Vilnius Art Kadmy 4 600 Lt (ie $300 4 2 weeks) @ th very centr of SENAMIESTIS (old town). Kan u blieve it? Evn in Kaunas & Šiauliai peopl hav askd me how kum I got it so cheap & th answr is it was a totl fluke & I nevr dservd it as is th kase wth vrythn els Iv got. M I owng? WHO do I thank? Im itchn 2 start xplorn as I reckn it will take @ least a week 4 me 2 walk out th streets & alleyways & Im not n4mn relos till Iv don it as I dont want 2 start off wth a brokerd xperience. Im off 2 find a dtaild map of SENAMIESTIS. I hope I dont get drunk as I hav 2 use a swipe kard twice & 2 keys 2 → th room. 2004 m birželio 10d. 9.25 am (thursday). Ystrdy evnn as I was eatn t of kepintos bulvės su voveraitėm (roastd pot8oes wth chanterelles) I was joind @ th tabl x 2 elgnt middl aged ladies (RAMAdNaAnUuStKėIENĖ head of funds dvision 4 th mnstry of grikulture (mob 37068608608) & a dstinktly pretty rtired ballrina hoos husb& is a staind glass wndow rtist) in a very klassy rstaurnt /café typklly lok8d in what used 2 b an ndergO cellr & w torkd & drank (3 large hous brewd beers) till 10.30. I felt I was in th kumpny of th new rulin klass. Danutė was → new age spiritualsm & both wer out on th town aftr a ftness progrm run x th ballrina (rtired @ 40) hoo ncidntlly 1

had nevr wtnessd n evnt like th spittng 1 I dskribed in Kaunas (c ‘Melbourne – Kaunas’ p 6) let alone like th 1 x th jail in Šiauliai (c ‘Šiauliai’ p7,8). I dklind their offr 2 walk me back 2 Latako g. whr Im writn just O th krnr from Pilies g. whr w wer eatn. Earlier b4 t I had got ch@n in th street 2 Romas (868664099) hoo was promotin th kandid8 2 th ropean parlmt of th librl centr party. He wantd 2 c@ch up 4 a ch@ but I wasnt abl 2 giv him a numbr as I havnt got 1 here. @ this r8 I wont get 2 c th sghts (whch r marvllous) as th old town is @ least x 3 biggr than th Kaunas 1. Its full of 2rsts & peopl look, dress & akt quite dffrntly & its safe. So far I hav not dtektd any sympthy (or knowledge of 4 th@ m@r) 4 th outkasts of th systm in th rest of th kuntry xept from th speakr (an xllnt or@r) of th faschst (yes, th real thing! wth skin heads (bkoz they r faschst it woz xplaind 2 me but I said all young guys in Kaunas & Šiauliai r skinheads) party. They wer in boots & rmy trouzrs holdn altrn8 litho & party (red wth a white symbl of 4 †s wth th long nds joind in th middl nside a O whch they also wor on rmb&s. I was told x an old guy it woz an ncient litho symbl undr whch they fought @ th battl of Saulė (c ‘Šauliai’ p 5 ) whch they had 1 but th young guy I was talkn 2 said it was all BULLSHIT) flags st&n wth legs apart in th klasskl mannr. Pprntly I was lucky 2 witnss th evnt said th young guy hoo had takn fotos coz thes r an xtremst oddity hed nevr cn himslf. They r all from Šiauliai he said & whn I told him O th troubls & th dspossssd ther he dsmissd thm as ner-do-wells left ovr from th kommie systm hoo xpekt verythin 2 b don 4 thm. Th or@r, a h&sm young dmagog, was ccusin thos hoo had sold out th kuntry. This was takin place out th front of th publik libary whr I had gon 2 leav a leaflt on a tabl in th litho studies readn room bcoz I had promsd DRUaMlMeOcND (21/8/04. how O this 4 KOINCIDENCE? – a koupl of days ago (it woz me brthdy – 19/8) Alek lent me a book titld “Roots Schmoots” x Howard Jacobson (a britsh/litvak wrtr) hoo in his travls in search of his jwshnss rturns 2 lithol& whr his ncestrs kame ←. Jacobson hoo is 1 yr youngr than me does a parllel journy 2 mine & in th last chptr is in Vilnius & mntions th Gaon of Vilnius as I do (c ‘Vilnius → Melbourne’). W hav both don a O. Alek ddnt know th@ me & Jacobson hav met on a numbr of ccasions ovr 30 yrs ago in Melbourne whn w wer workn as duk8nl reps 4 publishrs b4 Jacobson (I think its th same guy) had made it as a writr. W had a dskussion 1 evnn in his fl@ (near Lygon st) whch I found ntrstn but I kant rmmbr what it woz O. Mayb it woz O th roots thng.) th@ I would (I thght it mor ppropr8 2 leav it (I m also goin 2 leav a koupl of my ‘clocks ticked on’ poetry booklts mayb l8r 2day) ther than in th Vilnius jwsh libary).Th leaflt titld VICNET IS UNDER THREAT (IS THE STATE LIBRARY ANTI-UNION?) had bn h&d 2 me on th steps of th Melbourn St8 Libary x Alek in his kapcity as a union aktvist. Th libary here is in Gedimino pr. (prospekt) & I went → th nd of it & †d th Neris rivr 2 nspekt & pray in th PROGSLAVU cerkve (chrch) whch r genrlly mor beautful than th litho & polsh 1s & whr a young man was chantn a readn & dvout & well dressd young peopl as well as old raggd womn wer kissn ikons, lightn kandls, & swayn & touchn th gO wth their 4heads. On th way back I bought a small bottl of DAINAVA trauktine @ 40% alk kontnt bcoz I kouldnt find any Čepkeliu in a small bottl but Danutė rkommnds I should try som BOBELINE @ O 35% & th x-ballrina hoo says shs a gorm rcommndd MALŪNININKU but its very strong mayb ↑ 50%. Th 1st thing I had don whn I rrived in Vilnius ftr bookn in was run off my ‘Šiauliai’ piece & send it off 2 H in Melb. On th way 2 th PO I met K AaRlAgZiIsJA & PIKjTuUrRgNiAtIaTE gain only 1 hour ftr rrivl. I said Id giv his mum (21/8/04. last sundy I gave her (sstr of ldr st8smn, livn legend, muzikolgist, & fluxst L&sbergis) ‘Melbourne → Kaunas’ & made her promis 2 → it on & 2morrow Ill giv her ‘Šiauliai’) a kopy of ths piece (if H types it) whn Im back in Melb. Is it a KOINCIDENCE or not? Or does it hav 2 happn a 3rd or 4th time in a row 2 bkum 1 (21/8/04. his dad, Gediminas, said he meets up wth his wife 10 times a day @ home & no 1dr I kept †n paths wth Algis as all he does is walk O th streets). Oh, yes, I gave my last 3 pieces of writn 2 th young guy I had talkd 2 outside th libary koz he spoke xllnt nglsh. I slept in 2day wth th aid of 5mg of valium & its 10.55am & I havnt left th room yet. (nip) While I rmmbr, th bannr th faschsts wer holdn read NACIJA! TVARKAS! DARBAS! (Nation! Work! Order!) …. 11.03pm. I hav 3 small bottls of trauktine lined up on th tabl : Dainava (whch Im drinkn now @ 40%) Bobelinė (@ 35%) & Malūnininku (@ 50% rkommndd x th ballrina & Im O 2 giv it a nip just 4 th taste – 2 strong & less tasty). So now Ill test th Bobeline whch is flavourd, like Čepkeliu x spanguoliu uogos (berries) – v good but not as good as th Čepkeliu. I spent th O day strolln aimlssly. Rvistd th Bernardinu chrch but prayd in nothr xtrordnry beautful rthdox cerkvė. In rthdox chrchs (1dr if chrch 2

& cerkvė r lnguistklly konnktd & if theyr konnktd 2 th word 4 O since rthdox chrchs r dsigned O a dome like th St8 Libary of Vic?) th ikons & th rvrnce shown 4 thm most drektly dmonsr8s th@ our konnektion 2 th largr body of whch w r (or r makin ourslvs 2 b ) part is medi8d x othrs. Prhps th ntrmediaries dont lways liv up 2 th mportance of their role. 8 lunch in UŽUPĖ in a top of th range rstrant ovrlookn th park lookn → th ††† on th hill. Th rstrant kalld ‘Tores’ was rkmmndd 2 me last nght x th ladies. I had kalmaru žiedai tešloje, kepinta duona, rūkytos kiauliu ausys (kalamari Os in paste, fried bread, smoked pork ears) a bokalas of beer (1/2 ltr) & a glass of Bobelinė 4 23 Lt whch I paid x VISA. I woz celbr8n me mums (hoo kontrbuted $1000 2 me trip though I think Im richr than her) birthday 1 week 2 l8. Also I was cing how th rch nd of town livs & surprisin meslf @ my vsceral dsgust @ th group of krauts bein very loud as if thy ownd th place whch they probbly will koz they is th main 4gn nvestors in litho. (Dainava isnt bad x th way). I woz thinkn how powr lways =s kontrol of space (husb& drives biggr car than wife or has biggr study @ home evn if th wife also works; if US $ is worth mor yanx kan travl verywhr whras if Lt is worth littl lithos stay in their small p@ch; xpensiv hellkoptrs & aerplanes kontrl th sky so u kan rockt peopl rstriktd 2 th surface of th earth; as u look @ th hghst spots of Vilnius u will note th@ chrch versus kapital (skyskraprs) 4 powr; rch men build houses th@ overlook sOngs; & US of A is most pwrful of all koz it kontrols outr space (27/8/04. & is konsidrn orbitn nukulr bombs in s@lites) & kan c evry1; oldst kid has largst bedroom; & poorst peopl r hiddn in small spaces in old houses whr no1 kan c thm. (X th way I kame † 2 mor prizns 1 of whch had a chrch in it & a guard in a w@ch towr & I nevr heard or saw th priznrs bhind th fence toppd wth razor wire & lektrifide wire)) koz only rch peopl kan a4d 2 eat in rstrants like this 1 ovrlookn large views. Gave a kopy of ‘clocks ticked on’ 2 a litho poet hoo was otografn his own poetry book in a book shop in Gedimino pr.. He was a humbl man sayin he wrote in a tradtionl mannr. I find ther r no Kaunas type skinheads in Vilnius but peopl r still srprized if u +ress thm wthout saying ATSIPRAŠAU. I left th 2nd kopy of ‘clocks ticked on’ in th big libary whr I had a yack 2 th libarian hoo said most of thm earn O 700-800 Lt/month. Sh wants 2 rtire sh said bcoz sh wants 2 liv a bit b4 sh is 2 old 2 njoy it. I paid 17 Lt (30/8/04. c korrektion in ‘Vilnius (no 2)’) foning Vaidases parnts place 2 tell thm whr I woz so he could find me if needd. They said he was kumn 2 Vilnius 2day but I had no messges @ th door. (I m drunk) I got lost in a polsh speakn part of SENAMIESTIS but I spoke litho & he nswrd in polsh & w ndrstood each othr. Then I drank som beers in diffrnt lok8ns (1 in a BARAS wth th cellars havn bn turnd in2 a labrynth of rooms as a lot of bars r doin) & whn I kum home som krauts wer here tryin 2 get cheap kkomod8n but I helpt th doormn 2 giv thm th flick koz I transl8d 4 him from litho 2 nglsh whch th krauts knew a bit of but not nough 2 know what was goin on. Anyway they r probbly OK koz I put them → som litho girls hoo knew a bit of kraut & will probbly help them find an xpnsiv hotl though they had kum here lookn 4 a cheap 1 – what a cheek! I feel guilty @ not havn told my KABAILA reltivs hoo liv klose x th@ I m here but I dont want 2 b their prizner just yet. I like it x meslf so mayb ther is sumptn wrong wth me. Also I dont think jwsh peopl should kum viztn here. This old town is 2 beautful & ther is no vdence of jerusale & of all th great rgumnts & thinkrs & skolrs th@ wer here 1ce & it would break their ♥s 2 c (just from th buildns & th ‫ٱ‬s) how it must hav bn. & it breaks mine 2 & Im not evn jwsh. Tears kannt wash away blood & all my kryin means nothn bkoz MODERNITY hurtls on → its final dstruktion (but what I rmmbr is lready dstr-oyd & so r peopl xept they dont know it koz they iz nkapbl of knowlge nymor. (21/8/04 u kan tell (if u koulnt b4) th@ I m losn it. H said ovr th fone l8r (c ‘→ (no 2)’ sh got very worried ftr readn ‘Vilnius (no 1)’ but Vaidas hoo met me @ th nd of this piece reknd I woz OK. (26/8/04. Of course, Ive only known you about 40 years longer than he has, but he probably knows you bet-ter - helh&z))) 2004 m birželio 11d. 9.00am. Im goin 2 post a kard 2 LfOrVaEnCkE & then Ill b goin past th libary again. It is mportnt 2 know whr it is coz ther is a toilt in it on the 5th floor. BriLgAita knows of only 1 publk toilt in Vilnius. Its nothr reazon why its good 2 b bookd rght in th centr of old town whr u spnd most of your time – u kan lways go back 2 your own place 4 a CRAP (but I also karry a small roll of toilt papr (in rubbr b&) should I need 2 duck bhind a tree (or rubbsh skip) in a mergncy). I 4got 2 mntion ystrdy, SA&NrIeGwA, th@ I did st& out front of th libary & look @ th room your gr&fathr had livd in near x. Its mpossbl 2 get 2 know all th ‫ٱ‬s & th labyrnthine konnktions thrgh ncient rchways but 3

its worth tryin. Th rstord 1s r filld wth parkd kars but in th othrs u c old womn, kids, nglekt & many, many k@s. But u dont c k@s & men searchn thrgh th rubbsh kontainrs as u do in Ka-unas bkoz most of th nkum of th kuntry is spent here 2 @rakt 2rsts & 2 make it a nice place 2 liv in 4 th new rch & th govt peopl. I m usin th red fountain pen givn 2 me x DiC&ArSeTaRO (stoln from th St-8 Libary of Vic (23/8/04. stole nothr 1 & gave it 2 me 4 me brthdy (c ‘14/8/41’) on 19/8/04)) 2 write in th note book I karry O wth me verywhr. I sppose u r in italia x now & Im lookn 4ward 2 komparin notes whn w r back in Melbourn. I think my sistr Eglė is in Helsinki 2day on her way 2 Paris or som such pl-ace 4 a konfrnce. Im takin th bottl of Malūnininku wth me 2 giv 2 nothr drunk as its 2 strong 4 me & not 2 my taste eithr …. I ddnt → far down th street as in a small bookshop x th Vilnius niversity I kame † th book ‘Jews, Lithuanians and the Holocaust’ x Alfonsas Eidintas “a noted Lithuanian historian and political scientist …served as Lithuanian ambassador to the United States …since January 2002 … has been serving as Lithuanian ambass-ador to the State of Israel..” I think this was th book mntiond 2 me x KOmZyLkOoVlSaKsIS & I had said ther was no point in don8n a book 2 th litho libary in Errol st Nth Melb whch was writtn in litho as hardly any1 ther of mine or th youngr genr8n reads it. So now th@ I hav it in nglsh I can read it myslf in an e4t 2 lay th ssue 2 rest whch I feel th need 2 wth som dspr8n & then Ill don8 it 2 th libary. Th book is publshd x th Nstute of Tern@ional Rl8ns and Poltkal Sciences Vilnius Niversity : “First published in Lithua-nian : Alfonsas Eidintas / Žydai, lietuviai ir holocaustas. Leidykla Vaga, 2002. / The translation of this book to English was cont-ributed by Amos Eiran and Kuty Friedman, Kuty and Rami Girguzhinsky, Dani and Yoram Barnea. / In memory of their families : Tauber, Giguzhinsky and Bernstein, who lived in Vilnius, Lithuania, and were murdered during the Holocaust./ Translated from Lithuanian by : Vijole Arbas (parts I and II) / Edvardas Tuškenis (part III). / Publication of this book was supported by / Lith-uanian Culture and Sport Foundation / Ministry of Foreign Affairs of the Republic of Lithuania / International Commission for the Evaluation of the Crimes of the Nazi and Soviet Occupation Regimes in Lithuania / ISBN 9955-9613-8-4 / © Alfonsas Eidintas, 2003 © Versus Aureus publishers, 2003.” It kost 52.95 Lt & I also bought a weekly ppr ‘The Baltic Times’ 4 5 Lt. …. 11.25pm. Th bars (Lygon st x Chapel st x Brunswick st x Fitzroy st many times over) r chokka. I think th nght is just bginn. Krowds of 2rsts led x guides wer verywhr all day chokin up th narrow sts but nevr goin → labyrnth of ‫ٱ‬s bhind th façade. I met th x-ballrina & her rtst dghtr & boyfriend gain this evnn (m drinkn Bobeline) but only ch@d a short time as they wer on their way somwhr. Iv stoppd tryin 2 nswr why I speak litho so good whch evry singl persn asks me (they say peopl dvelop an ak-cent (28/8/04. You already said it on p1 – helh&z) ftr only a few years away) as I dont know th nswr myslf. I bought ‘The Baltic Times’ 2 read ovr breakfst. It says ther is a bill b4 th l@l& parlmnt 2 prvent dual citznshp holdrs holdn hgh govnmnt offce. Ther is also a pikture of a gathrn in stonia of 4mr SS legion mmbrs in front of a † 2 honour their dead kolleagues. I hav 2 find a mor brevi8d way of writin othrwise Ill go on 4evr. B4 or ftr breakfast (23/8/04. shows how konfuzed Id bkum) (ŠALTIBARSČIAI & GIRAS) I was told @ th ‘Lietuvos Giventoju Genocido ir Rezistancijos Tyrimo Centras’ (Juozas had said I must visit) th@ their muzeum was just off Gedimino pr. so ftr postn kards 2 LfOrVaEnCkE (23/8/04. askd u 2 tell Alek I had left th ‘Vicnet is Under Threat’ leaflt in th Vilnius libery but u ddnt) & 2 my mum I went ther & dskovrd it was lok8d in a cellar (like many kafes whr if u go downstairs u ntr a labrnth of rooms like som ndrgO opal mine) whch used 2 b a KGB prizn & terrorg8n place. In th 2nd or 3rd cell I saw an nlargemnt of a foto from my mums lbum whch ddnt ltgethr srprize me as I knew sh had givn it 2 som such nstution years ago. I told thm th foto was from our famly lbum & th lady in charge gave me a kopy of th ntrnet ntry O th man JONAS ŽEMAITIS –VYTAUTAS (my mum had th photo bkoz he was briefly a boyfriend (mayb her 1st) of hers in Paris) whch Iv read but Im quotn nstead from th dskription (in litho & nglsh) on th wall in th korrdr outside th cell. “Born on March 15 1909 in Palanga. A graduate of Kaunas Military Academy and Fonteneblo (France) Artillery Academy. Kaptain of the Lithuanian Army. A participant of armed resistance movement since 1945. In 1947 was elected the commander of the Kestutis district. A year later under his initiative the Jura District was founded which united the greater part of western Lithuania 4

partisan units. J Žemaitis was one of the organizers and ideologists of the Movement of the Freedom Fighters of Lithuania, which was founded in February 1949. He was first chairman of the presidium of the Council of the Movement and had the rank of partisan general. On May 30, 1953 was arrested and on November 26, 1954 shot to death in Butyrovka prison in Moscow. The burial place unknown.” & from th ntrnet ntry : “Putsantru metu J. Žemaitis buvo laikomas Vilniaus KGB kalejimo rūsiuose, tardymui buvo nuvežtas net i Maskva. Tačiau jis kategoriškai atsisakė dirbti okupantams, liko ištikimas karininko ir partizanu vado priesaikai./ 1954 m. lapkričio 26d. Jonas Žemaitis buvo sušaudytas Butyrku kalėjime.” Th boyfriend of th ballrinas dghtr says ther is a monmnt (23/8/04. ther is a monmnt 2 very1 in lithol&) 2 him somwhr. → thrgh th cells, torture chambrs, xkution room, konfinemnt cells (0.6m²) it bkame mor pparnt 2 me how powr konfines th ‫ٱ‬ of thos it subjug8s. Since in sleep u can skape from konfined ‫ٱ‬s ther wer 2 cells whr a priznr was made 2 st& naked on a foot wide raizd piece of cemnt & if he fell he fell ↓ freezn watr. As I write I hav troubl prvntn myslf from kryin. Praps I hav bkum a maudln drunk. It is not bkoz of th famly konnektions but bkoz of th rooms men wer tort-ured in. My mmry of cellars is of dark, safe places smelln of earth & spuds & rottn appls (probbly from germny) whr th k@ follwd u 2 nvestg8. But th cellars of Vilnius tell many othr stories. L8r I prayd (I say guide me (bkoz I m on somkind of path whch isnt sgnpostd) & I m a (or your) servant (bkoz servants sneak O nvestg8n what th rch & pwrful r up 2; & they grog on & grope womn; & they steal & tell stor-ies; & they bow low wth dsrspekt)) in th CERKVE wth th green onion spires not far away. I make th sign of † from rspkt 4 th old womn I c ther (th PROGOSLAVU CERKVĖS r th most beautful of all 2 my taste) & bkoz (though I know it is rl8d 2 suprstitions & steppn or not steppn on kracks & washn h&s ovr & ovr) x doin it I m an x10sion of th rptitions & Os of atoms & planets & I m proud of th konnektion & of havn gon byond it. I m very quiet in beautful places but in th mornn I saw a pair of 2rsts from a guidd group gettn thmslvs fotografd in front of th pikture of KRIST on th † bhind th altr of th ŠV KAZIMIERO (JESUITU) BAŽNIČIA & 2rsts talkn loudly koz they wer litho (x th way most 2rsts here r poles) kathliks in th tiny CERKVĖ near whr I m writin (ther r litho, polsh, & prog-oslavu chrchs verywhr). From a hill near th CERKVĖ I prayd in I kould c th domes of nothr 1 but whn I got ther I found it was part of a large prizn. No sound kame from bhind th razor wire (I kant rmmber if I mntiond th 2 othr prizns Iv found here 1 of whch had th rmains of a chrch in it). Th hgh walls th@ use-d 2 sO som chrchs & cerkvės r now ready made 4 prizns. Thn I went gain → cerkve † th rivr from Ge-dimino pr. & then → new SINAGOGA but it was shut. L8r I 8 t @ th UŽUPIO KAVINE (on th way I saw a Didysis Dantčiasnapis (Mergus merganser) wth young as I → along th fast flowin Vilnia whch flows → Neris) a very klassy kafé vrlookn th rivr (wth a skulptura of a mermaid in th wall on th opp. side) whr I bought a ŠV.Jono (but I havnt cn nside th chrch though very1 talks O it & its just near x) Kepsnys (St Johns pork with chanterelles & hot vegies) 4 18.40 Lt (+ 2 BOKALUS of beer x 5 Lt each) & it was dlicious as all food is here. Ftr meetn th ballrina l8r gain I did find th only publik toilt in Vilnius & it kosts 50c as gainst 24c in Kaunas whch tells u how th prices diffr btween th 2 cities. Šiau-liai, of course, is cheapr gain. Ftrwds I → O feeln lonely koz so many peopl wer larfn so much in str-eetside kafes & I had bn kryin so much. Still l8r in a small chapl (modrnized nside in mnmalst style) I was kopyin out th follwng words but it klosed b4 I had time 2 fnish so Ill write down th rest 2morrow : GESU, CONFIDO IN TE / JÉSUS, J’AI CONFIANCE EN TOI / JĖZAU, PASITIKIU TAVIMI / JEZU UFAM …..2004 m birželio 12d. (Satrdy 4am)… Iv showrd & brushd me teeth (9.20am). Ftr I fnishd writn last nght I went out O 2am 2 c th aktion & th nght life was in full swing. Drinkn & dancn & shoutn of young peopl in bars. A group of 4 girls walkd past singn sn@chs of nglsh pop. I had w@chd a fas-hion parade & lisnd 2 lithos singn pop a koupl of days ago on a sound stage (they r bein (in Kaunas 2 & ther was a huge evnt in Šiauliai wth PORTALOOS in rows & beer tents ovrflowin) put up in beautful parks whch r much used 4 evnts & 4 just strolln & cuddln) & note th@ they r apin nglsh pop xaktly as they get it on telly & I m sick of it & th muzak in th bars. Though nearly very1 knows russian a new genr8n is rplacin it wth nglsh. Outside Vilnius u dont hear russian spokn in th streets. Ystrdy evenn I listnd 2 russian pop @ an evnt in th big park x th Vilnia & it was much bettr & peopl wer klappn & dan-cn (russkies r much 5

mor xpressiv) & I was lovin it bkoz it was naturlly ntegr8d → a russkie muzikal sensbilty (a koupl hav just kum → room whch shares my toilt & showr & I said LABA RYTA & they rplied DOBRE so I guess they r polsh) in th way flamenko & south merikan muzik has bn abl 2 do. Whn I told th ballrina & her dghtr & th boyfriend he said he had bn givn an + 4 th evnt but had thrown it ↓ th rubbsh bin whr it blongd. In th UŽUPĖ dstrkt I had cn a few skinheads in litho t shirts (‡ symbl promnnt on th front) denm jackts & hgh sided boots. My mprssion is th peopl hoo feel most @ home here (& prhaps r th most numrous) r th poles. Anyway @ 3am I woz sittn in th Tiffany PUB drinkn beer & eatn 1 mor pl8ful of rye bread slices fried wth garlik 1drn why so many glamrous young koupls (white is very poplr wth both sxs) wer ↓ & ↑ stairs → undergO so I ↓ & it was buzzn & u had 2 pay (sekurity guys r in prfusion @ bars, stors, ATMs) 10 Lt just 2 → a side arch but he let me in 4 0 4 a look & I was in a KATAKOMB of dancn & drinkn beautful peopl & huggn (etc) & went from 1 bar → nxt wthout gettn lost & back past th good sekurty guy 4 a last beer & home (whr th just rrived poles r a noisy koupl & sound karries in this pair of rooms as if ther r no walls so how will I write?) 2 bed. B4 hittn th sack I kountd th money in me wallt & I hav 750 Lt & $100 whch is mor than th libarian (hoo wishs sh could rtire & “get a life”) I had talkd 2 th day b4 earns in a month. Th guy & th womn @ th front door & th sekurty guys @ th bars probbly get O 400 (like the pension) / month & they work xtr-emely long hours. In hotls som womn do 24 hour shifts (27/8/04. I think Im rpeatn meslf. Yes! c p1). Im goin out 2 test th weathr. … 6.55. @ th door I got in2 konvrs8n wth ‘erte’ (his nom-de-plume, he is tryin 2 get a romana (novl) publshd). W (or @ least I did) talkd on & on & w mght get 2gthr 2nght. I gave him my last 2 pieces & hell giv me somthn hes writtn. He was st&n in 4 th sual guy on th door hoo is ther now. I m very drunk kausd x fatigue & red (litho style) beer wth th cepelinai I 8 @ O 3pm 4 breakfast. I got in2 a long & very pleasnt konvrs8n wth a koupl from ngl& : him a lawyr & sh of the most komplik8d backgO u can magine. They hav 5 kids & her name (I hav a kard) is Alexandria-Gio-sa Thompson. I gave thm my last 2 pieces 2. It was a rlief 2 speak in nglsh 2 sophstk8d peopl. I m drinkn Čepkeliu trauktinė & then I mght hav a nap. I had th konvers8n wth th nglsh kouple in a rstrant on th kornr of Stikliu g. x Gaono g. & w yackd on till 6.00. Earlier I was xplorn th ‫ٱ‬s of centrl Vilnius. It is an mpossbl task 2 get 2 know mor than a small fraktion of thm (27/8/04. rpeatn meslf gain, c p3. Th lokohol may hav bn a kontributn faktor & H says it gets wors). Th trick is 2 ask whthr u can get thrgh as they r a warrn (maze, labrnth) of ntrkonnektions thrgh archways. But u r lways w@chd koz old pn-sionrs, men wth no legs in wheelchairs, etc. ie. all th peopl th@ kant a4d 2 mix it wth th 2rsts (& th nmployd w@chn thrgh wndows) r ther. Som ‫ٱ‬s hav no xit othr than th 1 u kame → thrgh so u ntr a ntm8 klosed kommnty. If u r lost u mght find polsh peopl dont speak eithr nglsh or litho or prtnd not 2. Th facads r don up but th ntriors of th ‫ٱ‬s (somtimes large ‫ٱ‬s) look drelikt & as if th back of th houses mght fall down. Rnov8n is slow & must b very xpnsiv. A singl wndow is doubl paned & has smallr wn-dows in each pane. Som ‫ٱ‬s look like rubbsh dumps but u mght c a smartly dressd girl kum out th doorway. U will not c a 2rst but it will b far mor ntrstn than th 2rst kavinės (cafes) of Pilies g. in SENA-MIESTIS etc. (eg th old chrchs & cerkvės though they r fantastik). I woz 1drn why w honour th dead (& PAMINKLU GERBIMAS) bkoz ther seems 2 b no good reazn 4 it (23/8/04. but c ‘Šauliai’ p7). W r an xpression of what they hav don lready (in body, gestures, th language & th mythlogies w hav nheritd) & bkoz w liv they hav not dspeard. W r made from thm. Then I thght th@ since my gr&fathr was part of th 4m8n of th 1st litho rmy & a friend of my mum unified & led th partizans (a long war whch tied down mayb 100,000 soviet troops 4 years but was totally nknown in th west) aftr th nd of th 2nd war & my fathr was an offcer in th litho air4ce th@ Im a dscndnt of a miltry (but my fathr was th very oppst persnalty & nevr 1ce 2 my knowldge in word, ntntion or body language had anythn good 2 say (not evn 1ce) O flags, or soldiers or miltrism) family @ th very centr of th kr8n of th litho st8. (nip) But what did it all achiev? In each genr8n much of th kumul8d wealth of th n8n was dstroyd rgardlss. If ther had bn no miltry or partzans & only totl submis-sion would it hav bn dstroyd mor? Would mor or less blood hav fertlized th soil? (nip) 4 make no ms-take, ther is hardly a kobblstone or cellr in Vilnius whch hasnt had blood washd away. Ftr talkn 2 ‘erte’ I went gain → tiny chrch of mnmlst dsgn & kompletd my transkription. From whr I left off ystrdy it says : …TOBIE / JESUS, ICH VERTRAVE AUF DICH / JESUS EN VOS CONFIO / ЁЗУС,ААВЯРАЮ НА ТАБЁ / 6

IСУCЕ, УЛОАЮ НА ТEБE / JESUS, I TRUST IN YOU. On th othr side of th altr it says MAT-ER MISERICORDIAE / SUB TUUM PRAESIDIUM / CONFUGIMUS. 2004 birželio 13d. Th dskuss-ion wth th Thompsons (The Old Post Office / Shoreham / Sevenoaks / Kent TN14 7SG / Tel : 01959 523690 / Mobile 077100085168) was triggrd x his kommnt th@ th treatmnt of iraqi priznrs x th yanks woz th kind of thing th@ goes on in all wars. I take partklar xeption 2 this widely held view. Brtsh priznrs in th 2nd war rturnd from germny wthout stories of bein SODOMIZED & havn dogs set on thm & x thn Dresden & Hamburg had bn bombd ↓ rubbl. Th bhaviour in iraq (legitmized evn b4 w → ther x Guantanamo & th rhetorik of US & our own polticians & journos) was don x young kids on 50,000 or mor US $s / year & brought up on kream puffs & telly wthout any xperience of th terribl 4ces & terrors th@ wer nleashd on all in much of europ (& esp eastn europ) whr lives hung x a thread. Th shock 4 me of our treatmnt of iraqi priznrs kums bkoz of HOW LITTLE it has takn 2 nleash th worst in us & th knowledge th@ th final prtxt th@ w wer goin in ther (wth ovrwhelmn 4ces & hardly any risk 2 ourslvs) 4 humntarian reazns woz lways a sham & TH WHOLE ARAB WORLD KNOWS IT. & it is bvious 2 me w r no longr hoo w wer & whn th nxt KATAKLISM kums it will b far wors than th evnts of th 2nd war. Th@ was th strt of our konvrs8n & I note th pleasure I felt @ bein abl 2 speak fluently & wth nuance wth sophstik8d nglsh peopl ftr only speakn litho 4 severl weeks evn though very1 knocks up telln me how good my litho (28/8/04. You’re starting to sound like a broken record – that’s the THIRD time (28/8/04. Its bkoz Im goin in Os!) you’ve said it – helh&z) is. As I was tryin 2 get a nap in th rvo a koupl of young guys (an austrian studyin politkl science & a dutch kid doin arktekture, both in Riga 4 a smstr) (th poles evdntly had not liked th kkomod8n) ntrduced thmslvs & w mmdi8ly got on & I kast myslf in th role of lokal xprt & wantd 2 show thm how what u c here is a vneer 4 th 2rsts whch hides a komplx & hiddn othr side so I took thm → ‫ٱ‬s & thn ↓ 1 of th cellrs whch turnd out 2 b a BORDELLO (23/8/04. but I m not a good judge havn nvr bn in 1 & it may hav bn a ka-vinė dun up in th style of a seraglio) but w rsistd th very pproachbl young lady @ th bar & drank our beer @ leisure & partd kumpny wth her & th stablshmt amkably. Then w → th Tiffany Pub whr u hav 2 take your jackt off 2 go ↓ th cellrs & I took thm thrgh th rooms ther 2. I kame home @ 2am & took 5 mgs of valium 2 make sure I went strght 2 sleep whch I did till 8.30am. They r nxious I show thm th prizn/muzeum & th tortur cells bkoz I had bn makin th point th@ th dffrnce btween th kute littl olde worlde bars @ street levl & th maze of cellr rooms down th narrow stairways is a meta4 4 th O kuntry & helps xplain why as 4gnrs they r findn it so dffkult 2 make ntm8 kontakt wth th lokals in Riga (whr they find th same as I did in Kaunas) quite nlike us 3 westnrs hoo wer abl 2 b mmd8ly opn wth each othr dspite th age gap btween me & thm. I xplaind th@ th dead r much mor recnt here whr th nd of th 2nd war was only th start of nothr sekrt war of rsistance x th partzans (30/8/04. ystrdy Alek lent me a CD titld ‘Partisans of Vilna (The Songs of World War II Jewish Resistance)’. Th songs wer riginly heard in th 1986 doco film drektd & editd x Josh Waletzky & prduced x Aviva Kempner 4 th Ciesla Found8n. © 1989 Flying Fish Records, inc. 1304 W. Shubert, Chicago, IL60614. FF70450. Here r som of th kkumpnyin notes 2 th CD dskribn a dffrnt partizan movmnt 2 th 1 rmmmbrd in th prizn/muzeum I took thm 2 : “Introduction : This is an album of songs that were created and sung by members of the Jewish underground of Vilna during World War II./ This organized armed Jewish resistance against the Nazis is an ever inspiring history of young people who refused to accept defeat. The songs express the profound grief and rage, the ordinary longings, the pride in military exploits, the romance of heroism, but most of all the inextinguishable defiance that animated the young fighters. In particular, they relate to events and circumstances that arose in the Vilna Ghetto and nearby forests of White Russia and Lithuania. But they are also a universal expression of Jewish resistance that sprouted in the ghettos and forests and camps all over Eastern Europe. / These songs are presented in Yiddish by performers who are dedicated to the ongoing work of fashioning cultural continuity with the murdered world of Yiddish-spe-aking Jews. / The members of the resistance recorded their defiance in deeds and also in the songs they wrote and sang. And they hoped that the dawn would come in time to break the Kingdom of Night. / “But if the sun and the dawn are late in coming / may this song go from generation to 7

generation like a password.” – “Never Say” (band 12). Pre-war Background : The decades before World War II saw a flowering of Jewish secular life in Eastern Europe – a profusion of movements that advocated revolutionary visions of a Jewish future, “free” of traditional religious observance. Political ideologies, such as socialism, Zionism and folkism, played a prominent role in a wide range of popular organizations – political parties, unions, professional associations, schools, summer camps, clinics, academies, theatre groups, and so on. Religious observance was no longer a mandatory element of Jewish identity. Vilna, known as the “Jerusalem of Lithuania,” continued to be a major centre of traditional Jewish learning. In the “New Age” it also became a prestigious focus of secular Jewish culture. / The Jewish armed underground was predominantly a response to the Nazi onslaught by the secular Jewish world, in particular the political youth move-ments. This orientation, which was revolutionary in spirit and cosmopolitan in outlook, is reflected in the songs. We hear it in the remarkable reference to the American novel ‘The Last of the Mohicans’, in ‘Jew, You Partisan’ (band 4). We hear it in the phrase “our new, free generation” in ‘Never Say’ (band 12). “New” and “free” which rhyme in Yiddish (nay and fray) were a favourite pair of words to describe the visionary future, the secular messianic era. There is even an allusion to the variety of competing organizations in ‘By One, Two, Threes’ (band 9) : “Everyone in the land strode so cheerfully, / each separately on his own way.” / The melody to this song was taken from a song by Hans Eisler, current among German Socialists – a sign perhaps that ideological connotations could still be stronger than national ones. Certainly it was ideological faith (for many) that combined with profound national pride to help sustain the spirit of the Jewish fighters. Ghetto Culture : Vilna was in the eastern part of Poland at the outbreak of the war, so in the early part of the war it fell under Soviet domination. During a brief interlude of Lithuanian independence, thousands of Jews fled the Nazi rule of western Poland and stopped in Vilna. The city became a Jewish refugee centre, particularly for political activists. / Nazi Germany invaded Soviet occupied (east-ern) Poland in June 1941. The mass murder of Jews began immediately on the heels of the invasion. In Vilna by the end of 1941 when the mass murders were suspended, some 60,000 Jews had been shot into mass graves near the nearby village of Ponar. The name “Ponar” became a synonym for death. It is referred to in ‘It Was a Summer Day’ (band 1), and ‘Hush, Hush, Hush’ (band 7). The remaining 20,000 Jews continued to exist in a tiny sealed ghetto. The luckier ones were marched out to forced labour sites and back each day. / During 1942 and 1943 (the ghetto was liquidated in September 1943), the Jewish survivors tried to recreate the rich network of communal institutions (eg. soup kitchen, orphanage) adapted to ghetto conditions. / The cultural life of the Vilna Ghetto developed in this period of relative stability and included a library, theatre, concerts, choruses, cafes, lectures, schools, and sports. From the beginning, there were ambivalent feelings about the purpose and appropriateness of cultural pursuits in the shadow of mass murder. The ghetto theatre opened to placards of protest – “We don’t play theatre on a cemet-ery” – and the officially sanctioned activities, which could be and were attended by Germans certainly contained an element of pacifying the ghetto population. But in time even the elements of escapism became generally accepted as part of a response to normal communal needs in abnormal times. The ghetto library loaned out over 100,000 books, largely lighter reading, but also books related to the predicament of the ghetto Jews ( like the very popular ’40 Days of Musa Dagh’, which describes the Armenian massacres and resistance in World War I). In another respect, the cultural life in the ghetto was a defence of the spiritual dimension of a community whose body and soul were threat-ened with extinction. Witness the celebration honouring the important Yiddish poet, Yehoash, known for his Yid-dish translation of the Bible. / The songs of this album came to life in the social context of the educational, cultural, and 8

political institutions of the ghetto, including, of course, the secret institution of the armed underground.…. ‘Under Your White Stars’ (band 3) was first performed in the Ghetto Youth Club, which was an important source for recruiting younger members into the underground groups. The ghetto administration instituted poetry and music contests. The winning musical entry subsequently had words set to it – ‘Hush, Hush’ (band 7) – and became popular in the ghetto. It was performed by one of the several choruses (Slep’s Chorus) of the ghetto. …. ‘Never Say’ became the official anthem of the major underground organization … the FPO (Fareynikte Partizaner Organ-izatsye – ‘United Partisan Organization’). In the Rudniki forest, the Jewish partisan units (under Soviet command) sang ‘Never Say’ each morning at reveille. Around the campfire at night, the Yiddish folk and theatre songs of a destroyed home mixed with Yiddish and Russian partisan songs, such as ‘Dugout’ (band 8). … “We sang / Song united our souls, elevated our feelings, / And steeled our muscles.” The Melodies : A man who joined the FPO as a teenager in the summer of 1943 recalled over 40 years later how uplifting, how spiritually attractive, the singing was. He remarked that the FPO members were singing “Russian songs already with Yiddish words.” Indeed it was common to take an existing melody and fit new words to it. Sometimes there was an ironic twist as in ‘By One, Two, Threes’ (band 9), where the march refrain is presented 3 different ways – the prewar march of youthful idea-lism, the death march under the Nazis, and the “different rhythm” of a freedom march. The popular Yiddish thea-tre song, ‘Papirosn’ (‘Cigarettes’) provided the tune for Rikle Glezer’s ‘It Was a Summer Day’ (band 1). / The strong Russian flavour of the melodies is not surprising in Vilna where Russian music was popular with the older generation and which had just lived through 2 years of Soviet domination before the Nazi invasion. / Even the prize winning melody by the 11 year-old Alexander Wolkowycki was characterized by the composer as being in the Russian style, when he was interviewed for the film. / On the other hand, if we look at the “Soviet Russian” mel-odies, we can also find a Jewish element. For example, the one song sung in Russian on the album, ‘Dugout’ (band 8), was composed by Konstantin Listov, a Soviet Jew of a musical family, which had organized the first balalaika orchestra in Russia in pre-Revolutionary times. His father, who played the bass balalaika, wrote gypsy romantic ballads.) gainst the soviet sekurty organs … I @ndd various chrch services but stayd longst @ th Sksč. Dievo Motinos cerkve near x. Nlike Wittgenstein Im abl 2 bend my knee & 2 say lord but th lmost kon-stnt bowin (oftn touchn th gO), chantn (whch I found beautful so I stayd a long time), th makin of th sign of † skors of times was 4gn 2 me & I was not abl 2 particip8 thgh it is evdnt 2 me th@ it may well b a mor ccur8 xprssion of th way our sepr8 idnties konnkt in2 a largr bein than othr repetitiv aktions I pr4m in my daily life such as my mornn koffee & ppr, turnn on th telly, brushn hair or teeth, or my rtual strolln thrgh th city etc. etc. I wldnt want 2 praktice habits of bown & scrapn 2 what r ftr all rdnary pe-opl (bserv klosely ) deckd out in fanciful (a lot of gold) gear specially since it may nkourage thm 2 get swolln heads. Th service @ th small chapl I @ndd & took th nskription from ystrdy mprssd me mor wth its mphasis on silences (th priest had 2 evikt a tour group 1 of hoom walkd up th middl aisl 2 take a flash shot of th altr) & @mpt 2 b rdnary & modrn (he left havn put on his rathr macho jackt & th girl wth guitar doin th singn lookd like any uni studnt wth jeans & tightly fittn top). Howvr Im mindful th@ in a city of so many houses of prayr th@ somtimes they st& side x side not all th chrchs & cerkvės of Vilnius kombind wer abl 2 save (or mayb evn help) th 70,000 jws hoo ndd up in th ghetto 2 b murdrd. Like th cellrs & ‫ٱ‬s their story is part of th hiddn side of Vilnius but I will not keep harpn on it as I m not th ppropr8 persn 2 do it. It is best told x th srvivors & mayb it is not possbl 4 its meann 2 b konveyd anymor xept x silences. Th sun has finally kum out (1.25) & Im goin out gain (th 2 studnts ddnt get back till 4am last nght & havnt srfaced) … 2004 birželio 14d. (mondy) Ftr I stoppd writin I was nvstg8n th UŽUPIO ‫ ٱ‬whn I kame 2 a skool whch was bein used as a polln centr 4 th lektion of th prezdnt & of th litho rprsnt@ivs 2 th EU parlmnt. I had bn saddnd x th many bvious lkies & derros (russian speakrs mostly) goin thrgh dumpr bins (just as in Kaunas & now th@ my @ntion has bn drawn 2 thm (& 9

old womn) I m cing thm verywhr & in th side streets near x) but whn I was told I kould vote wthout havn rgistrd as long as I brought my litho passprt I raced ← 2 get it from the skurity box coz I woz very xited @ bein a ropian. Ftr all th reazn I had found it so easy 2 talk 2 th Thompsons (he had told me if hed bn a kountr-tellgnce persn he would hav had me medi8ly rstd (28/8/04. no doubt kept in prizn ndfnitly dprived of rghts or rprznt8n or possblty of provn me nnocence as Keelty & HoWARd would like 2 b abl 2 do here spcially wth muslms as is don in th US of A) as a SPY bcoz ther was no such produkt as Hennessy whsky as I had kalld th drop Mr Liepa had brought on th Tupolev airplane on th Aeroflot flght ← Moscow → Riga (30/8/04. c ‘Melbourne → Kaunas’ p2)) & 2 th studnts (Randy Willemsen / Weth. Schuurmans – laan 419 / 5321 mps – Hertogenbosch / The Netherlands ; & Philippe Tomovski / Fritz-Konzertstrasse 6 /6020 – Innsbruck / Austria) was bcoz of our shared euro kultura & st&rd of livn (they had not kum here 2 c th old town whch 4 thm was rdnary x their st&rds & they had dskovrd ftr w had prtd @ 2am th@ th nght life shut down whras Riga is a 24 hour (& x 2 in size) city) but 2 c 4 thmslvs th backwrdnss of th newst eastrn mmbrs of th EU). They had srfaced x then & w ← 2gthr 2 w@ch me kast my vote. 4 prsdnt I votd 4 th guy hoo had ngoti8d lithos ntry → union & 4 th euro parlmnt I votd 4 L&sbergis & th n@ionlsts only koz I had met KAaRlAgZiIsA & knew othr relos of his in Melbourn. Then w 8 lunch on th vranda of th fancy rstrant ovrlookn th park whr w wer freezn like on a mdwntr day in Melbourn. Then I took thm 2 th muzeum as promsd. Here is th blurb they h& out : “Museum of Genocide Victims (former KGB headquarters and prison) / The museum of Genocide Victims is a unique museum in the Baltic states. It was established in the former KGB headquarters and prison in 1992, a year after the collapse of the Soviet Union, when the KGB secret police moved out of the building. Since the first Soviet invasion of 1940, this building had been occupied by the USSR’s repressive institutions. They planned and carried out mass deportations and arrests, persecution of political opponents and sup-pression of the anti-Soviet resistance. / Our museum presents the Soviet repression of 1940 -1988. Visitors will discover this tragic per-iod of Lithuanian history in our exhibitions, which are situated in the KGB prison cells, the cell of executions and in the room of the MGB (KGB) prison assistant manager. / Every year, we show new exhibitions and prepare new mobile exhibitions reflecting the history of the Soviet-occupied Lithuania. / We kindly invite you to visit our museum! / Address : Aulu 2a, Lt-2001 Vilnius, Lithuania / Tel. : (+370 5 )249 62 64 / email : [email protected] / www.travel.lt / www.genocid.lt / www.muziejai.lt “ & a quote from a small brochure they gave : “Between 1940 and 1958 the Soviets imprisoned over 200,000 people. Many of them were disabled or died in prisons under the strain of hard labour, starvation, exhaustion or disease. Another 132,000 inhabitants of Lithuania were deported; over 20,000 were killed during the resistance struggle in the post-war years; over 5,000 of helpless people were murdered and over 1,000 sentenced to death.” Th muzeum had klosed @ 3 & w had rrived @ 5 but th kleanrs & 1 senior la-dy wer ther & they bnt ovr backwds 2 b of hlp (eg nlockd th xkution room) bkoz they wer mghtly mpre-ssd x th fakt I had kum 2 c th foto of Jonas Žemaitis from my mums famly lbum. I know now why I ka-nnot stop myslf frm kryng ther. Its bkoz th cells, like th soundproofd & paddd cell wth th straight-jackt (built in th 1970s but prznrs rmmbr th@ ther wer 5 earlier) & th falln ↓ freezn watr cells ( a singl block of stone st&n bov wtr lvl would hav workd just as well but this was a specially kra-ftd dais) & th room whr th troika sat nxt 2 th small xkution room (lined wth wood riginlly 2 prv-nt rikochet & th seat was on a grille so th blood kould b hosed away frm th stone floor below) & th littl room 4 stackn korpses, wer karefuly dsignd & burokr@ik procedures & signd othor-iz8ns & pprovals & financial allok8ns would hav had 2 b adherd 2. Th@ it was don knowngly wth ntnt x peopl like u & me is why it is ndigestbl. It was valuabl 4 us 2 b let 2 1dr free 2 c it x ourslvs in silence nstead of wth mobs of 2rsts (oohn & aahn) & yackn guides as I had cn it. Th ladies nsistd on givn me 2 books as mmntoes 2 take home 2 giv 2 my mum (or th litho libary in Melb. I sugg-std & I promisd Id brng thm back but they wgh like ‫ٱ‬s & I hav 2 much wght lready) but now I realize no1 would read thm so Ill try 2 find som1 here 2 giv thm 2 (eg th Kabailas). They r ‘The Chronicle of the Church in Lithuania (underground journal of 10

human rights violations) Vol. 1. Nos 1-9, 1972-74’ & ‘The Chronicle …. Vol. 6. Nos 40-49, 1979-81’. Me & th studnts partd outside th muzeum me → a small bottle of Čepkeliu (flask size) & them → c@ch their bus 2 Riga. L8r whn I was kumn back I w@chd a dtachmnt of O 50 soldiers & som girls prakticin 4 a cermny @ a small PAMINKLAS 4 thos hoo had perishd near x. Th@ mght b it 4 2day as I know ther is a mmorial gathrn of srvivors ← SIB-ERIA @ th rgniz8ns othr buildn not far frm here. Its @ 5pm & I mght →. In th evnn I 1drd th streets of old town gain & somwhr O th kornr of Dominikonu & Gaono g. an ldrly koupl all x thmslvs wer lookn @ a buildn. They @raktd my notice bkoz though from ovrseas they lookd diffrnt 2 th vrage gaggl type 2rst. They lookd stunnd & their faces wer kreasd wth dspair. L8r I → in a near x street whch was mpty xept 4 2 teenage kids. 1 of thm startd som louzy singn (most of thm sing & talk in russian) in prtence @ buskn & th othr followd me a long way pleadn very persistntly (just short of ggresiv) 4 money 4 muzikians. Th ntrstn thng is he was askn in louzee litho as if he had pickd me 2 b 1 b4 I had said a word. L8r gain in th KAVINE whr I was fnishn th nght wth th reglar fried bread & a beer KRISTINA IŠ VILNIAUS (ntrojuicd me 2 BRENDIS ‘ALITA’ (a litho made br&y) whch I drank 1 glass of & it was go-od & sh drank sevrl koz sh drank fast & I bought thm) said th diffrnce btween Vilnius & Kaunas is th@ 4 xampl if a group of 10 r walkn 2gethr in Vilnius & 1 is a russian speakr wth no litho they all talk russ-ian but in Kaunas th othr 9 will all talk litho thgh they know russian just as well as here but they h8 thm. Kristina hoo had bn readn (24/8/04 H left th follown note & poem on th tabl 4 me : “Dear John, (paragraph) I have gone to do a few things at Northlands (buy a bra, claim on a Medicare bill) before seeing Doig at 3 pm. I didn’t want to wake you (Sleep kn-its up the ravelled sleeve of care) so leave a message on my mobile or on home voicemail if you need to be picked up (25/8/04. You already had been, it seems. helh&z) & what your plans are. (paragraph) The poem is a tribute to your notso-vanishing sexuality & to your status as a phlosphr (paragraph) (Kristina iš Viln-iaus watch out!!) ♥ H.” Poem : “I could be a post / modern pro / & specialize in / avant garde sex / with intellectuals // For foreplay / I could tit / -illate your Ar-istotle / & play with your Plato / Socra / Tes you / I would Machiavelli / happy fella. // Then for the main event / When your Heidegger was / Quivering / You could explore my / Nietzche / Lick my / Kant / Foucault me / To the rhythm : // Derrid, Derrid, Derrid / Ah ……..!! (with apologies to the phlosphers. helenz 2/-8/04.)” (25/8/04. u left out Wittgenstein (28/8/04. The last line could have been: That’ll be 100 Wittgensteins (cash, no cheques thanks) – helh&z))) 4 a long time @ th bar had said sh was kurious O what it was th@ I woz readn all th time & I said it woz my own writin & I burbld on as I m nklind 2 do whn spruikn my stuff. I found her an ntellgent & n4m@v persn & not nutraktiv. Sh told me mor O th prizn konditions whch konfirmd what Juozas had said. Most of th rurl 1s d8 from tzarist days & womn nm8s hav it just as bad & evry1 kums out of thm wors than whn thy went in. Sh said u kldnt walk † kuntry koz youd certnly b knockd out x an mpovrshd drunk. Sh said sh votd 4 Pru-nskiene koz shs a womn. Sh pressd me wth offrs of rent @ ½ of what Im payn. Sh said th girls @ th bar etc. (heaps of thm & all pretty) hoo wer ltern8n btween litho & russian but not polsh only get 400 Lt / mnth. Sh xplaind how th gypsies hav managd 2 kornr th drug markt. I askd her if sh wantd 2 go ovrcs like so many othrs but sh ddnt. Sh said sh had bn in holl& & th 1st weeks sh stood bhind th wn-dow kryin 2 b back but whn her visa ran out sh kried bkoz sh had 2 leav. Then sh offrd her persnl ser-vices (NORĖTUM KAD PARODIČIAU KA AŠ DAUGIAU TURIU?). I thankd her 4 th genrous offr & bought th br&ies nstead x way of kompns8n 4 her xllnt kumpny (24/8/04 here is 1 of th poems Rita (c ‘→ (no 2)’) gave me 2 pass → LfOrVaFnCkE. Th titl is Lust : “ in his umbra vagabond / for lucid ears / her image – loyal / crux / swift – sovereign / again”. I think it is meant 2 b read as a sound-poem.) & friendshp 2 an old CODger. It ccurs 2 me how dangrous 2 th wallt it kould hav bn if me & th studnts had kceptd th urgins of th barmn & th nice lady whn w had blundrd → BORDELLO 2 play som kind of game whr they had a chess/checkers board on th bar wth tiny čerkas (glasss 4 vodka etc?) lined up in th 2x2 rows @ opp nds of th board. They had urged us sevrl times 2 take th board wth us → nothr 1 of th cellr rooms but non of us knew how 2 play chess or checkrs. Magine wht mght happn if u did play it & then u paid wth a visa card! I also realize now th@ th cellrs ↓ @ tiFANNY pub whr I had got prmission from th mpteen skurity guys 11

(they r verywhr – somtimes 3 @ a singl ATM in th evnn) 2 show th studnts O & whr u hav 2 take your koat off & leav it in th kloakrm but w wer llowd 2 karry ours hung ovr our rms & ddnt hav 2 pay th 10 Lt 2 → 4 a lookc is a pick up joint (24/8/04. a n@ural mstake 4 me 2 make as I hav nevr bn 2 a disko). I spose u then ngoci8 wth th ladies (they all lookd very pretty & not zonkd out as u c in St Kilda) or mayb ther r doors w ddnt notice → futhr hiddn cellr rooms. But I kant work out why u hav 2 leav your jackt in th kloak room? (Vaidas reckns your not llowd 2 → strip show in Melbourne in shorts & s&ls) Nndoubtdly ther r many mor sekrts here, cellrs bhind othr cellrs or deepr down othr still narr-owr & steepr stairkases …..Read th ppr lesurly (I m 4gettn how 2 spell) ovr a lunch of zeppelinai (got 2 strt eatn som fruit & vegies or Ill get beri-beri) @ th same place in Gaono g. whr I 8 zepplins th last time.

Iv got 2 get mor ordr → my days b4 I lose grip on whr, whn & how. Tippd a girl buskr playn a rk-ordr koz sh was so good. Walkd in th park & ↑ Pilies Kalnas whch has GEDIMINO BOKŠTA on it. A friend of Brigita from th ‘Visi’ folk groop hoom I met th day w wer here 4 th song festval (c ‘Melbourne → Kaunas’ p7) kalld out from a kar wndow. He was 1drn if Vaidas was in town but I ddnt know. Kame † a small chapl whch kkordn 2 th map mght b kalld Šv Kryžiaus (bonifratru) bažnyčia (chrch) whch had a virgn & child pikture ovr th altr nstead of th usual 1 of krist on th †. Got 2 th evnt kmmmr8n th srviv-ers from SIBIRAS. It was a small evnt in a ‫ٱ‬. Most peopl in an audience of 200 or so wer srvivers or chldrn of srvivers or of parnts hoo had died ther. It knsistd lmost ntirely of singn of nd of 19th centry (& l8r) songs x O 20 peopl drssd in kostume (whch I ddnt mind 4 this kkasion) led x Povilionienė. I knew many of th songs & joind in as also did th audience as th sssion prgrssd. L&sbrgis th guy hoos party I had votd 4 woz ther & I lent ovr & said I knew his sistr in Melbourn & KAaRlAgZiIsJA. Earlier I had ch@d 2 1 of th singrs in th group hoo told me O edŽvIaŽrYdSas hoo has bn ridin O th O on a bike 4 years & has just publshd a book of his travls. But Iv got 2 get rid of books not get mor of thm & anyway its in litho. Gettn teary is bkomn a habt & I felt guilty I st& 2 th side & back in a STRATEGIK spot like a SPY so I kan w@ch th audience w@chn th evnt. Peopl r whr they r in spite of thmslvs (shaped x large 4ces) & they r fully ther so their faces & ntire bodies r 4md x their Ostances whch I kannot possbly magine & I hav th luxury of st&n in th wings & spoutn me ideas & passn kommnt. Whn I got back th doormn said Vaidas had kum lookn 4 me O 4 hours earlier & said hed b back. I m very tired. 2morrow Ill mail what Iv writtn ovr th week 2 H & kontakt my KABAILA relos (th ‘Birds’ hav just rrived)….. W had a drink (ŽVIRBLIS (famly name of Miglė, Brigita, & Vaidas) means sparrow (Passer domesticus) in litho) & wev greed Ill b @ their SODYBA in Rimeisiu kaimas (village) thursdy nxt week. It givs me a week in whch 2 touch base wth my Vilnius relos & a good spot @ whch 2 nd off a piece of writn.

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