A Small Collection Of Really Bad Poetry

12 June 2000 Praying for rain before the summer evening The night sky must look big to you Cobalt blue of early night conquering the Shades of sun that reach the soft Recesses of the blue and yellow in your eyes The moon rises slowly Time squeezes by And I bet the moon fills your eyes Little by little as you stare upward Waiting for the night to complete falling I feel the fear in your trembling limbs And it meets with the fear in my finger tips outstretched to reach you But you guard yourself too carefully, you walk away?

22 June 2000 at Suicide Prevention Class So distracted Mind derailed Suicide? Is life not intriguing enough? How arrogant, how rude To think that one life affects anything… This subject does not suit todayToday is made of: Queasy stomachs Wishful thinking Boring work Nagging anticipation And perpetual smiles Derived from exacting conversations Overwhelming nervousness At seeing you And the day squeezes by without a glimpse of you

28 June 2000 Derailed again Distracted more Tangled storm of emotion and words You, so unsure, how to act? Questions abounding… And your such complex awkwardness Meets with your intense beauty And catches me in mid-breath As I wait, paused For you to speak May 2001 Something left unsaid? It makes you awkward too. I couldn’t, you understand? Wrong motivation, I knew You couldn’t, I understand. Different paths, different worlds In amazement at a brief glimpse into one another But our journeys separate Just so you know I can never forget the intense beauty Seized by indefatigable minds in a drunken moment 20 November 2001 You dignify me with eye contact while I express my thought I, suddenly, am naked No clothes, no skin My voice was strong Now wavering just a little My solid idea Now floating Unprotected from the elements of your opinion My mind is bare; I’ve shown it to you freely But-

We are of the same mind And I resume breathing

24 November 2001 Versus lost- I must begin againWhat wisdom have I to impart? AS Julia would say, “The Simple Truth” The one you want wants another He who pursues you is shut out And this is the dance of eternity Love, just beyond reach Dead. Sleeping? Absent. Smile, drink, and view beauty without touching… 21 December 2001 Overwhelming sense of emptiness You have left my sight And for a second I feel cracking Tears stream down, our once, intellect As emotion revolts What is this sensation that becomes me everytime you leave This is my heart breaking- you silent 15 February 2002 Suicide prevention again Distracted, Distracted, Distracted I know what this foreshadows Its 2pm on a cobalt afternoon And, again, a prayer for rain Imagining the dust and wind Collisions, stresses, and constraints Placed upon you The prayer ends with a quiet prayer And a silent preparation For the end of us

May 2002 (With Friends- I cannot take full responsibility for this) All the day is filled with moments of joy and perspective If I stretch the moaning tendril of your mind, will they snap I’ll reach and pull regardless Words, Words, Words Limitless, infinite, useless Blurring, smearing, churning Endless gray in a storm of words Beautiful magic- whisping thoughts Blow dreams into reality May 2002 (With a Friend- not my fault!) So much to do- obligations And when I am with you There is so much else- what else is there? Everything! Walks, sunrises Mountains, small flowers Cool breezes and quilts Dreams, stars, universes- infinities of happiness Bright eyes and drunken dances And you, my love, what are you> Besides bored, I am Alive and awake (barely) A woman, strong and enchanting Where to go from here? I see Salt, souls, and liquor The mirth of grass Adventures gleaming and shinning Paths uncut, unsurveyed

The future leads to where??? Unknown walkways Sunlight in my hair Faith walks beside my person like a best friend - not knowing is the funstill unchangeable? Always Changing

17 May 2002 Forlorn, lost, wandering aimlessly Heavy feet leaving the path Barrages of happy memories of you Echo through the empty corridors of my mind My heart, cutting the sunshine passing through Like a prism Hardened, edged sharply, cold Fold me up and put me away As I seek answers that can never arise June 2000 I have a dream I carry of you in my pocket I don’t question her beauty or intelligence For surely for you she must have both I question only her knowledge of you No matter how passionate Her understanding will fail Her hand will leave you And your heart will break Like mine has I have a dream I carry of you in my pocket A perfect memory Filling a fleeting second Of having been loved By the intense man I knew as you

Is it time to wash these jeans? Or maybe just empty out the pocket July 2002 Wishing for words Emblematic, explanatory, definitive Wishing to seek out, to draw out To dream quietly The sadness that has…

21 September 2002 I have broken my heart wide open on this rock Its contents have spilled out I reach and grab, I can’t put them in again (Do not try to replace disemboweled parts) Yet I can think of nothing else Mind swiftly tracing The maze of horrible questions And knowing Unquestionably That you know Increase my infinite horror I have broken my heart wide open on this rock, my rock Hands are ties, and the contents tumble out and away 4 November 2002 Your shinning optimism has singed my heart Like soreness from blinking at the sun After perpetual gray skies You burned me a little With a song and a dance You knocked the dust off Incipient murmurings of an enraged intellect

Imprinting the minds Permanent and unchangeable Sometime November 2002 We are the Shelleys, Byrons, and Tennysons of our time And we have no new wisdom to impart? The dance is short, attend it well Leave no questions Or ideas unanswered This chance will never come again, or will it?

5 November 2002 The enlightenment? Free thought? Nothing is free… Except oceans of bubbling, flowing words Ebbing from mind to mind Bringing laughter in with the tide Pulled by the moon Into concentric orbit Around a notion of understanding The joys of the universe are fleeting and infinite A note on one of the joys of the universe“fascinating graces” flowing limbs, trembling all symmetry in a concerted effort to cause inertia unending 8 November 2002 Be the perpetual optimist

View all the beautiful flowers in the universe But don’t touch And how do they view you? As a briar patch, thick, twisting, and entrapping And they become ensnared, weep and cry And are lulled to sleep by silky thorns Never opening their eyes And I persist without reason or logic Jump in with both feet, yet again Feet and knees together On another rock November 2002 The wine went to my head, inspired by Julia The blue spiraling dream Laments tragic silence Perfect tempest of the inevitable

January 2003 Beauty turns to grotesque at a word Beauty running out of you like the mornings sewage As dreams flood the streets like heavy rain Weighty drops tumbling down Thrashing at my head Trapping me between what I want and what I think I need I want to roam until I forget Walk until all fear is gone To fell my feet on the path The weigh on my back And wander, far from home January 2003 Grotesque turns to beauty and a sigh and a frown Happiness, forlorn, turns to something else Where are you my love Hiding, dying, breaking? Or just withering away without

Strength of heart or character Making a cowards death of regret, bitterness, and fear January 2003 My heart breaking: your voice on the phone And a message of well wishing Across distance immeasurable You have spoken truth Deep hard truth 1st Priority of work: security, security, security February 2003 This is my heart breaking You on the other side of the door On the other side of the wall That separates us And all the things I have to say

April 2003 A separation of silence A necessity for speaking A complete loss of words vocal capacity neurological paths thoughts, ideas impulses, reactions Mind, paralyzed, utterly Impertinentable silence The barrier between you and I The letting go of breath The shuffling of feet This is our conversation now April 2003

I am wind I am voice Blowing to all destinations Through all obstacles May 2003 It fell to the floor Its inertia all run out Trapped by the gravitational pull of the end Your love fell from my hand And lay still, quiet Like any common object A remote, the mail, an umbrella Inanimate, still, useless

May 10, 2003 Pretend not to know Pretend not to have noticed Why are you here? What do you want Understanding I wish _____ was here to advise me to guide me But now I am lost You can do so much better, I know it

The worst, you know it And to think for one second that I had seen a real glimpse of you And understood the adventures that had wrecked you Its not what you expected but oh well May 10, 2003 Chaos vs stillness incessant noise motion unending memories… do you? can you see past our once detailed universe I have not changed this is just the me that you failed to perceive All I seek is the five seconds Of realization to cope With what has been made apparent to me I cannot see you This is the sound of my heart breaking you present, and smiling but just beyond reach

6 June 2003 a note on one of the joys of the universe Boticelli tresses Bright, questioning eyes Spirited, twirling, tumultuous Entity that spreads life to all witnesses Steadfast in significance, in self Identity and Intentions Heart and ambition crisp like new snow I wish that I could talk to you for hours

But we haven’t the time my dear We haven’t the time November 2003 Separated Like a great island Oceans of intention between us Walls of understanding stand high They cannot be climbed I can feel you there on the other side I step and reach and fumble And I say prayers for your going away from here As you walk towards happiness And away from me May 2003 This solid moment Sanctified in its isolation Its elements combined selectly and perfectly In an exhalation of breath and swelling peace emanating from inside flowing out to all limbs all tendrils of flesh and follicles of hair That in this distinct second The universe is perfect, flawless, faultless I clutch and stumble clumsily to grasp this small infinity As I catapult into the knowledge that perfection is slipping away Replaced by a tumultuous sea Of indecision, rampant emotion Unending curiosity, harsh reality 5 February 2004 The sun rises against the pull of the moon Battling oceans of clouds calm setting moon

violent crimson rays The dramatic shadows of infinite mountains Increases my ability to concentrate on your absence Imagination gives way to distraction As I am lost discerning your form Against what is left of the night sky Your Form: Clear, solid, without infirmities Yet clumsy You intersect my thoughts, stumbling As we engage in our awkward dance painfully seeking the right words Completing a chapter in the incessant battle between logic and intuition Have we found a truce? A reprieve from our warring intellects? Hope is but a shadow Definitive intentions are just dreams As definitions shape and change Hourly with your emerging form September 2004 “Smoke filled dreams” Of grandeur and optimism have long since passed I’ve wasted the seriousness we avoided before On the monopoly of passionIs there enough left? One or two wills driving, fueling everythingCan only accomplish so much What are the limits? Insolate, not isolate

14 October 2004 I can’t remember when I first noticed you I peruse my memories repeatedly You interrupted me

It wasn’t a conscious decision noticing you It happened inadvertently Of all the daily processes we appreciate rising- earth in orbit pull of the moon, tectonic drift But the wonders of you went unlooked? Distraught I endeavor to look next time to unearth you But at the next chance I avert my eyes I lend a careful ear instead Afraid of revelation While you purposefully prolong our interaction And it endears you to me… 31 October 2004 She is wind, She is voice Smoke exhaled from a deviant mouth She was more dangerous than anyone had imagined Blunt, brutal- all action, no logic It is the intrigue that drives her The mask of humor that you might wear The seriousness that becomes you She wants to feel your hands in her hair on her shoulder, at her waist Pulling and tugging on her intellect 4 November 2004- Gravity for Beginners The exchange begins Awkward foot work and sideways glances Storming blizzards and sweltering heat Burn both cheeks What is the mathematical force between two bodies? Can it be measured by a number? Is it proportional to the anticipation inherent in catching a glimpse of you A long shrouded sun reveals momentary hope But the math is too much The equation is wrong The numbers don’t balance

I figure and reconfigure November 2004 Words immeasurable Ideas and accusations flying rampantly & undirected What is the distance between conflicting notions Constructions & benedictions Ideals, idiosyncrasies, and idiocies Undetermined and undenied November 2004 Logic reconfigured, try the math again Spinning out of hands grasp No foot hold, No hand hold Slipping Only arms, and hands, and mouths in motion The imbalance makes my stomach swim Miscalculations, misdirections, misintentions But you wantedBut I thought 20 November 2005 “But you wanted” “But I thought that” Damn I thought I adverted all thisMisinterpreted, Misunderstood Assumptions turned to accusations And then, just foolishness All of it. 23 November 2004 The stereotype is haunting Determine the constraints Flaws, irrefutable flaws Voluntary blindness and free loyalty The benefits of not having a price Is that you can sell it to whomever you want The freedom of a choice A stupid decision, seemingly small reverberates ENDLESSLY

The walls reach into the sky & I cannot find my horizon Nor direction of travel To transform… it would be easier Instead I stand still as stone And watch the crashing waves around me 9 December 2004 Mythed logic abounds “It can’t happen to me” Realization lifts like a drab curtain Greasy, dingy, unclean Revealing a dangerous world False, malleable, panderers One misguided step Sends you catapulting into a deep chasm 23 December 2004 Stopped in mid-sentence Intellect and reason paused in mid-inhalation Your tall form interrupts my linear construction The universe becomes sloped, slanted, skewed Your logic pierces my argument Your hands shake and break my character repeatedly Your mind molds me into what you want me to be And then you sleep As I steal a small piece of happiness 27 February 2005 Inundated Fixated Like the ocean, drawn inexplicably The swelling of the tide Floats on waves of stars Gravity between objects increases with distance? Or with mass? The universe ebbs between us Then collapses The stars fall silentWe have become thieves As we take what should have been ours

May 2005 Elaborate death behind sordid music is one thousand pictures in time Never dream drunk before sleep You rip at my shadow meanly Trudge behind the moon- I scream after life Still weak within your frantic garden Would I then fall delirious like a sea with wind blowing skies? See him shake and sweat as he floods winter with an eternity of cold lies Ugly visions threaten theses diamond forests Yet we run, wanting to pause for mutual worship We stop as fast as a whispering rocks in an angry symphony May 2005 Bend a road for a trip on willful recall Let not her loveless stare smear my watch of spring gone by Cry as you rob the day of its sweet beauty Must gather their want like a rusted chain Sing delicate chants though you swim through misty waters of iron red Urges like hot light Raw power eating me like some essential moment in the always June 2005 Empty wisdom wonders weak Mad pictures of you sweat above description Moons storm, skies ache Winter trudges beneath dead seas Between ugly dreams and raw sentences Black shadows and thousand and a thousand villainous roads Frenzied I hide behind a delicate truth December 2005 Shiver moon blossoms Come investigate between winter whispers Almost smile, melted mouth Light creaks through rusted roofs As yellows streams into the morning Dreams of you journey and wonder

Give me a window for your laugh Dawn breaks, leaving night behind As I left your bed, empty

November 2006 She is my perpetual winter Clean lines, crisped and untouched Quiet footfalls, silent snowfalls Dark morning sky slightly illuminated by the setting of the silvery moon Frost on the windows Flakes floating and icy packed paths She forces me into warm blankets And makes it ok to stay in bed just a little longer