200512 Newsletter

QUEENSLAND BUSHWALKERS CLUB Inc. Newsletter

74 Kallista Rd. Rochedale South QLD 4123 Email [email protected] Phone No (07) 3341 7509 www.geocities.com/qldbwc

December 2005

Patricia’s Party

Club News AGM

QBW Beginners Abseil Day

QBW’s AGM was held on 1/11/2005 and we are happy to report that all committee positions were filled. A warm welcome to Helen McAllister, Lynn Nicol, David Haliczer, Lynne Cavanagh, and Barbara Makepeace as the new committee members plus a hearty thank you to Trevor Davern, Gary Woodward, Richard Kolarski and Frank Garland for staying on in a committee position. Beside the committee positions, the voluntary positions were filled with Patricia Kolarski (supper convenor) and Frank Bowling (FMR representative) as the new names. Many thanks to them and all the other volunteers who give up so much of their time to help this Club run so smoothly. A full list of the new committee and voluntary positions is on Page 2 of the Newsletter. There is still a vacancy for a second FMR representative. If anyone is interested all you need to do is nominate yourself to a committee member. Also let us remember the past committee members who decided not to renominate but to let others have a go. The Club is indebted to Trevor Cox, Bob Gur, David Kenrick, Ken Walters and Evelyn Campbell for the great job they have done, in some cases for almost two years.

Time 07:00AM Place Kangaroo Point There will be an abseil day for absolute beginners on Australia Day for club members at Kangaroo Point. This is in addition to the FMR Abseil training on 29/1/2006 at Emu Gully.

26 January 2006

Ring Trevor Davern on 0411 512 202 for more details.

FMR Beginners Abseil

29 January 2006

Time 08:00 AM Place Emu Gully Any Club member planning on attending will need to contact FMR, at least 3 weeks in advance. The donation of $20 per person is expected to defray the cost of wear and tear on gear. If you have your own gear please bring it along. You will be allowed to use it if it is suitable. The replies should be forwarded to both Phil Box, FMR Training Officer and Ron Farmer, FMR President, at:

[email protected] [email protected] Important Notices

QBW Equipment

There will be NO January Club Meeting. The next Club meeting after the December meeting will be Tuesday, 7 February 2006.

Thanks to the successful grant application we now are able to offer a wide variety of gear to help our members walk more safely in the bush.

There will be NO January Newsletter. The next newsletter will be available in early February.

At the last committee meeting it was decided that several people would act as the contact person for equipment that QBW has now accumulated. This list of contact people will be printed in each Newsletter. The role of the contact person will be to have a list of the equipment he or she is responsible for and to know who is borrowing the equipment. The equipment has been marked or numbered where possible. For use of the equipment, please ring the contact person.

Please check the Club website early next year for any changes to the Calendar.

From the Editor As is usual this December Newsletter has an extra 2 pages of jokes and funnies for your holiday reading pleasure. Thank you to all the members who sent them in during the year. A very Merry Christmas and a Happy New year to all our members. Safe Walking to All

Page 1 of 8

Editor

General Information

The Management Committee

Meeting Place Club Meetings are held on the first Tuesday of each month at the East Brisbane State School, corner of Stanley Street and Wellington Road, starting at 7:30pm. No meetings in January. There is parking within the school grounds off Wellington Road. Consult a street directory, as there are a number of one-way streets in the area. There is also parking in Wellington Road.

President

Trevor Davern

0411 512 202

Tea/Coffee and cake/biscuits are provided after the meeting. A coin donation would be appreciated.

Membership Officer

Lynne Cavanagh

3376 5053 (H)

Editor

Richard Kolarski

3341 7509 (H)

Membership

Social Secretary

Barbara Makepeace

3245 2186 (H)

Before a visitor can go on a walk, he/she must be a Member (Probationary or Ordinary) or be a member of an affiliated club.

Training Officer

Frank Garland

3341 5207 (H)

Membership of QBW is only $20 and lasts till the end of the Club’s financial year which is on the 30th of June each year.

Other Voluntary Positions

Vice President

Helen McAllister

3844 8464

Secretary

Lynn Nicol

3219 6228 (H)

Treasurer

Gary Woodward

3245 2695 (H)

Outings Secretary

David Haliczer

3879 8334 (H)

Equipment Officer

Steve Moyle

3800 3963 (H)

Supper Convenor

Patricia Kolarski

3341 7509 (H)

A non-member automatically becomes a Probationary Member on his/her first walk after signing the waiver form. There is no fee payable to become a Probationary Member.

Federation Rep

Richard Kolarski

3341 7509 (H)

Federation Rep

Trevor Cox

3273 3484 (H)

However a Probationary Member must become an Ordinary Member on his/her 2nd walk by filling out a membership form and paying the membership fee.

FMR Rep

Frank Bowling

0419 715 719

FMR Rep

Position Available

Ordinary Membership

Campsite Monitors

A person may become an Ordinary Member by filling out a membership form and handing the form to a committee member or walk leader and paying the $20.00 membership fee.

Ratatat Hut Running Creek Falls

An Ordinary Member has the right to vote at an AGM or be elected to a committee position. A Probationary Member has neither of these rights.

Throakban

Probationary Membership

Members of Another Bushwalking Club Members of another bushwalking club affiliated with the Queensland Federation of Bushwalking Clubs or another State Federation are covered by the same Insurance as QBW. It is not necessary for them to become a member of our Club to go on our walks.

Barbara Makepeace Richard Kolarski Gary Woodward Kerry de Clauzel Trevor Smith Christine & Cliff Harrison Ann Kemp John Brunott

Mt Superbus Spicers Peak Mt May

Equipment for Use by Members ITEM

No

Contact

Ph No

Compasses

29

Dave Kenrick

3349 8238

EPIRBs

5

Frank Garland

3341 5207

These items have been purchased by QBW and are available to members at low cost.

GPS

4

Trevor Davern

0411 512 202

UHF Radios

12

Trevor Davern

0411 512 202

Bivy Bags $3.00 each or 2 for $5.00 They are 2 metres by 0.9 metres in a bright orange colour. The pack liners can double as an emergency bivy bag

Emergency Lights

6

Richard Kolarski

3341 7509

First Aid Kits

3

Richard Kolarski

3341 7509

Topo Maps

34

Richard Kolarski

3341 7509

Equipment for Sale

Club Polo Shirts

$20.00 each

L, M and S size left only Space Blankets

$2.50 each.

Ring Patricia Kolarski

3341 7509

Equipment for Hire

Sunmap CD

1

Richard Kolarski

3341 7509

Laptop

1

Richard Kolarski

3341 7509

Colour Printer

1

Richard Kolarski

3341 7509

LCD Projector

1

Richard Kolarski

3341 7509

Projector Screen

1

Richard Kolarski

3341 7509

The Club has a backpack (suitable for use as a day or through pack) for hire at $5.00 per week. QBW also has some abseiling gear for use by Club members. The gear includes ropes, harnesses and helmets. Ring Steve Moyle

Editors Pic

3800 3963

For Sale Macpac Nautilus Tent RS75 Swift pitch $280.00 Contact Paula / Julie Ph 41290022 Tree Hugger

Page 2 of 8

AGM Committee Reports

Past Events

President’s Report Thank you for the opportunity to represent our club, as President, for the past two terms. I have attempted to promote bushwalking in general and our club in particular, whenever possible. The role of president is not an onerous task and consists of representing the club on occasions, attending meetings where possible and joining the other committee members in deciding the direction and goals of our club. It has been a pleasure to work with the outgoing committee and I am confident that we leave the club in strong and viable position. I congratulate the new committee members and wish the new management committee well.

Navigation Training Day

13 November 2005

Fourteen people attended this training day at Dave Kendrick’s place. Richard and David gave talks and demonstrations on maps and compasses plus there were exercises on how to take compass and grid bearings, back bearings etc.

Thank you, Trevor Cox Secretary’s Report Being the first year as an incorporated club there was a lot to do in the first months of my tenure as Secretary of the Queensland Bushwalkers Club Inc. Notification of the new committee members to the relevant government dept, notifications sent out to new members and changes to the signatories on the club cheque account to just mention a few. Attending committee meetings and producing the minutes is one of the other chores which I carried out as part of my duties. As a committee member I have had the opportunity to see the club mature and grow into a stronger club and yet still maintain the personal touch which in my opinion sets the Queensland Bushwalkers Inc. apart from the other run of the mill clubs. Recently the club applied for a government grant to purchase badly needed equipment, and due to the excellent effort put in by members of the committee (Trevor Davem, Richard Kolarski and Tevor Cox) the club was awarded a sum of money which has been spent on equipment which all club members will benefit from. I have enjoyed my tenure as the Secretary of the Queensland Bushalkers Club Inc., however I will not be standing for reelection this year. I am sure that a new Secretary will be elected and I will give whatever assistance I can in the future. I wish the new committee all the best in the future and hope the good work done in the past year will only be the building blocks for the future. Bob Gur

Navigation Training

This was followed by a walk in the nearby Mt Gravatt reserve led by Dave to put into practical context what the participants had just learnt. Everyone was enthusiastic and eager to learn. This was so much so that a couple of members, while studying the map, did not see the rest of the group go down a side track and became separated from the main group. Full marks to them for “navigating” their way back to Dave’s house! A BBQ followed and all had a pleasant time. Many thanks to Dave for the use of his house.

FMR Abseil Training

19 November 2005

9 members of QBW joined with approximately 12 others fro m BBW and Gold Coast Bushwalkers for this abseil training day run by FMR. It was held at Emu Gully near Helidon where there is a large indoor rock-climbing wall. We started the day with introductions by Phil Box and Ron Farmer of FMR, followed by some theory, knot tying and then setting up ropes for abseiling.

Editor's Report The job of editor involves producing a Newsletter monthly and looking after the web site. The Newsletter is available as a free download off the Club website or members can choose to have it printed and posted to them for an extra fee. 9 people chose to have the Newsletter posted to them in the 2004-05 financial year. This financial year that number is down to 5. During the 2004-05 Club year there have been 11 Newsletters produced. No Newsletter was produced for the month of January as is usual over the Christmas/New Year period. The web site has been visited regularly by about 10 people every day. The walks calendar has been maintained and updated at least monthly. The biggest number of people who visited the web site was during January when there was no Club meeting and also no Newsletter or Calendar. The website has significantly reduced the cost of sending information to people who inquire about the Club. If they have internet access they are directed to our website. I would like to thank members who have made helpful suggestions about the web site and Newsletter. Also many thanks to those members who have written up walks and contributed photos for the Newsletter. Richard Kolarski

Scaling the Heights at Emu Gully

After lunch we were able to practice abseiling using an autoblock system on the rock-climbing wall. There were differing levels of experience among the participants but everyone learned something new and interesting from the day. FMR is going to run a beginners abseil training day on 29th January, 2006 at Emu Gully for QBW club members. If you would like more information, please contact Barb Makepeace by phone at 3245 2186.

Page 3 of 8

Bushwalking and the Blue Card

Federation News

The Commission for Children and Young People and Child Guardian Act 2000 requires people who work with children under 18 in particular categories of businesses, paid or voluntary employment to be screened. Questions have been asked by several bushwalking clubs whether they fall under this category and whether leaders of walks need to obtain a Blue Card. In August 2005, an inquiry was made by one of the bushwalking clubs with the Commission about holding activities eg. bushwalking, involving children in the context of club activities. The reply received was as follows: "Thank you for your enquiry relating to the blue card. From the information provided, the "Churches, clubs and associations involving children" category of regulated employment may apply to the activities conducted at the bushwalking club. This category of employment applies to services provided by or within a church, club, association or similar entity, that are mainly directed towards children or activities conducted that mainly involve children. If you consider that the club's activities fall within this category of regulated employment then you should note that the following persons are exempt from screening under this category: •

Children under 18 years of age who are volunteers (except "trainee students" undertaking a course of study with an "education provider");

•

Volunteers who are parents of a child who receives the same or similar service or participates in the same or similar activity within the church, club, association or other entity as that of the volunteer parent;

•

Employees of a government entity who provide a service or conduct activities a church, club or association that are mainly directed towards children or mainly involve children. If the club's activities are not directed mainly towards children, club members would not require a blue card. However if the club conducted a junior bushwalking day for example, then all adult members participating in the activity would require a blue card. An application for a blue card for a volunteer employee can be made by submitting a Volunteer (V) Application Form. It is important to note that a volunteer employee must have a Working with Children Check and hold a blue card before they start volunteering in any area of regulated employment, regardless of how often they come into contact with children and young people. An employer carrying on a regulated business is now required to develop and implement an annual risk management strategy to promote the wellbeing of children and protect them from harm. To assist employers the Commission conducts a 3-hour workshop free of charge. While the employment screening conducted by the Commission is a significant step in the protection of children and young people, it is important to appreciate that the legislation is not designed to replace appropriate risk management strategies. The possession of a blue card issued by the Commission is not an absolute safeguard, and should not encourage complacency on the part of the employer. Further general information about the blue card and application forms should you require them, can be accessed from the Commission website at http://www.bluecard.qld.gov.au or by telephoning the Commission on 1800 113 611 or 07 3247 5145. We hope this information is of assistance.

On Wednesday 23 November 2005, QFBWC met with Desley Boyle MP Minister for Environment, Local Government, Planning and Women. Issues discussed were: •

Access to areas managed by QPWS, including camping, track closures, and Group Activity Permits

•

Relations between QPWS and the Public and a possible Memorandum of Understanding (MOU)

•

Master Plan for areas managed by QPWS

• Adventure Activity Standards There was a good response from the Minister and she will be looking into some of QFBWC's concerns. Memorandum of Understanding (MOU) On the Memorandum of Understanding (MOU) there will be a meeting on 6/12/2005 with Ralph Henderson who is the Director of Tourism and Visitor Management, Parks Division. Attempts have been made in the past to have a Memorandum of Understanding between QPWC and QFBWC but no agreement could be reached after several meetings. The Objectives of the MOU are: 1. A spirit of cooperation between the parties in relation to the management of bushwalking and camping in protected areas; 2. A mutual understanding of the roles, responsibilities and obligations of the parties with respect to the administration of the provisions of the Nature Conservation Act 1992 (the NCA) by QPWS as it relates to the management of bushwalking and camping in protected areas; and 3. Bushwalking as a sustainable and desirable use of the protected area estate. This MOU would spell out the various roles and responsibilities of QFBWC and QPWS have towards each other and with regards to safety and bush camping. It also covers such items as general access to National Parks, Native Title and resolution of disputes. The draft MOU that failed back in 2002 has been emailed to all Queensland clubs. QFBWC is asking Clubs to comment on the MOU so that QFBWC can more fully represent the views of all bushwalkers. If you would like a copy of the draft plus some background information, send an email to Federation at [email protected] The QBW committee considers political lobbying by QFBWC to push the interests of bushwalkers is one of its most important roles and we wish them success.

New Members Dianne Allen

Verne Charlesworth

Christina MacDonald

Judy Mackay

No of financial Ordinary Members

111

Comings and Goings Peter P has recently returned from WA after doing the complete Bibbulmun Track which is over 1000 kilometres long. Paul M joined Peter P for part of the way. Fran M has returned from tripping round Australia in her new campervan. June G has returned from her various trips in Australia.

Yours sincerely,

Bob, Danuta, John and Lynne have recently gone to New Zealand to do some tramping.

The Commission for Children and Young People and Child Guardian"

Dave H has recently returned from China. He is now planning a trip to Tasmania for a walk in the Western Arthurs. Page 4 of 8

The water level was up in the swamp and we lost our way for a short time (leader’s fault). Margaret seemed to have more fun than the rest of us; up to her knees in mud and demonstrating her wide vocabulary, too!

Past Walks Hinchinbrook Island

After setting up camp we dashed up to the falls for a quick cool dip and drinking water pick-up. This is a lovely spot for swimming or just lazing around on the rocks on a warm day. Wednesday Zoe Bay to Mulligans Falls A little shower of rain overnight but the tents were fairly dry for packing. A little extra effort was needed for the climb up to the top of the falls. Thankfully there was a rope supplied so we could just pull ourselves up the most awkward part. The open slabs above the falls gave a wide view out to the ocean. We continued uphill towards the pass, crossing the creek many times. Over the pass and down a bit before contouring around high above Shipwreck Bay with a short detour to gain a bit more height to enjoy the view right down the coast to George Point, our camp for the following night. Lucinda Point jetty seemed to continue almost to the horizon. Lunch at Diamantina Creek where the water was down enough to make crossing safe. Margaret had a potentially dangerous slip off a rock when crossing the creek but thankfully was not seriously hurt. Another up and over and we arrived at the campsite. New toilets have been built here as well as at the other campsites. But, the rat box here had a hole in it!

View from Google Earth

Two separate groups from QBW went to Hinchinbrook Island. Patricia led the Thorsborne Trail while Richard attempted Mt Diamantina. Here are their stories.

Thorsborne Trail

5–9 September 2005

Monday Ramsay Bay to Little Ramsay Bay Our happy little group of six overnighted at the Cardwell Van Park Sunday night to be ready for an 8.15am pick-up for the ferry across to Ramsay Bay. We hit the beach and started walking by 11 and quickly reached the Nina Peak turnoff. Packs were dropped off and left in the care of Redencion while the rest of us laboured up, and up, and up to finally enjoy the fantastic 360º views of the mangrove swamps to the north and the steep slopes of Mount Bowen and the coastline towards Zoe Bay.

A noisy pita came to visit us for afternoon tea and a native rat took a particular interest in Margaret, or was it her food? Thursday Mulligans Falls to George Point Richard’s group turned up so we spent the morning swimming and relaxing at the Falls.

Both Groups at Mulligans Falls

Only a short walk today but there was a tidal creek to cross so we didn’t leave until about 11.30am. The creek was easy to cross just needing a boots-off. Lunch on the other side. This was the smallest campsite and there were to be seventeen here overnight so some walkers took the afternoon ferry leaving fourteen. We still spent the night with tents squashed together but it was OK.

The Girls on Nina Peak

Because of the problems with ferry transfer times, we walked through the Nina Bay campsite and continued to Little Ramsay Bay for our first night. Fresh water was not far away up the creek beside the campsite. Rocks were slippery though with Redencion doing a graceful pirouette before plopping down into the creek. The Milky Way was seen in all its glory from the beach that night. Tuesday Little Ramsay Bay to Zoe Bay Heading for Zoe Bay we passed through a variety of vegetation including vine forest, open forest, flood plain and paperbark swamp.

Friday George Point to Lucinda An early start planned for today with the first ferry at 7am. June and Redencion left on this one as they were heading off to Townsville. Margaret, Noelene, Michael and I decided to have a relaxing breakfast while we waited the hour for the boat to return but had to rush and just shove things into our packs when it appeared early. We headed off to Cardwell thanks to Dean and Richard and had a lovely hot shower and clean-up before a feed at the fish and chips shop. Thank you to my fellow walkers, June, Noelene, Margaret, Redencion, and Michael. Thanks also to Richard and Dean for providing road transport at the end of the walk. Patricia

Page 5 of 8

Mt Diamantina

5-9 September 2005

This walk was booked after the Mt Bowen ascent the Club did in 2004. Then it was thought that 5 days would be enough to climb this peak in the south of Hinchinbrook Island. It was not till we found out the tide times that the true situation emerged. The walk would be limited to 3 days as the tides meant we would not get to Hinchinbrook from the south till late in the first day and then had to leave very early on the last day. Despite this, there were 5 people eager to go and attempt this climb. No one had done it previously and the only notes we had were from a book written years ago. We all met up on the Monday at Lucinda Point and caught the boat across in the afternoon to George Point. We walked the 7.5 kilometres to Mulligans Falls campsite and set up camp. The mosquitoes were terrible as it had rained the week before. Due to the limited time available, it was decided that we would attempt the 980 metre peak as a day walk the next day. We were up before sunrise, packed our daypacks and began the day in high hopes. We followed a creek south of Mulligans Falls but the walking was slow as the rocks were wet and mossy from the previous rain. We also had to check our position by GPS now and again to ensure we were on the right creek as there were several branches.

Quickly we packed and set off to the new campsite. Near the end we reached a large creek which a few waded through while a couple tried a precarious crossing over the creek on a fallen log spanning it. The new campsite was right on the coast with a fresh wind blowing. However in the cover of the bushes the mosquitoes were still active. We used some mosquito coils and had dinner on the beach. The next day was a restful one with us exploring the beaches north and south. It was just a day for contemplation and enjoying the surrounds. The next morning we joined with Patricia's group at Mulligans Falls and enjoyed a swim before heading south to George's point. This camp site was very crowded and two of my group decided to catch the boat across that day rather than spend the night on Hinchinbrook. On the last day we were up early to catch the 7.00am boat. Though we had failed to climb Diamantina it did not diminish my desire to return and try again at another time. Many thanks to John, Maria, Jennifer and Dean for their help and company. Richard

Cronan's Creek

16 October 2005

Six QBW members set out from Yellow Pinch in the rain at 7 am. Rain was such a novelty for us due to the ongoing drought and we were all looking for a different experience. Expecting the creeks to be flooded we found that they still barely registered a trickle which suggested the ground was still soaking up the last 30 mm of rain. I was eager to see how far the Cronan's Ck road went and wasn't surprised to find it finishing about 100m beyond Cronan's Cascades. We carefully noted the tributary at this point on our right (past experience revealing that it ultimately finishes at a waterfall in a gorge that is difficult to negotiate). A vague track led from here through lantana to Cronan's Ck and up we ascended over rocks that were often slippery. All members were experienced with this type of terrain so we steadily made our way upstream to a tributary heading west to Barney Spur. Negotiating several waterfalls which looked great in the rain as they increased in flow volume during the day, we found a nice morning tea spot amongst boulders that have rarely seen people. Frank took the temperature and found it to be 13 degrees. No wonder we all felt cold! I was testing a fake Gortex jacket I had purchased from China and it probably won't see many bushwalks after today. Fortunately I had a real Gortex Jacket which later became essential. On higher ground we reached a tributary and since the creek was becoming more difficult we decided to ascend up onto a ridge which looked promising on the map as it led directly to Barney Spur. In reality, the awful high altitude heath of this region impeded our progress and a cliffy section where we hauled our way up by grabbing tea tree limbs really slowed us down and sapped our strength. On top we ascended a little and then had lunch. Unnamed Falls on Hinchinbrook Island

At about mid morning we reached the base of a spectacular waterfall. Here we spent a lot of time negotiating a way to the top and were rewarded by magnificent views out to the east. After a short break we continued upstream. The creek broke into several small streams which were extremely slippery underfoot and attempting to walk on the banks was a nightmare due to all the waist high grass and scunge. After fighting our way through this for an hour we had made little progress. It was 11.30am and we had only ascended 300 of the 980 metres to the summit. Members were tired and I realised that to keep pushing on was futile. Reluctantly we turned back and made our way slowly and carefully downstream. It was after 4.00pm when we arrived back at camp and we decided to make a move to Sunken Reef Bay campsite in the hope that the mosquitoes would not be as bad.

One group member suggested that I scout ahead to see if it was worth ascending further. I found the heath just got thicker. It was also misty which makes navigation impossible. The temperature here was about 10 degrees and with the rain and wind chill and a coldish looking group it was decided that a quick descent down the ridge was the best idea. Descending took a while and eventually got easier with the transition from heath to sclerophyll and then rainforest. Evidence of logging further down with lots of vines and brambles meant we had to descend to another branch of Cronan's which we followed out to the end of the road. I believe we all enjoyed the challenge of these rare conditions for this time of the year. I believe the day was well worth the effort and will further explore these areas in coming years. I need to add the views were tremendous and the company was great. David

Page 6 of 8

The Importance of Walking

Church Bloopers

Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is. The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there. I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier. If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country. And last but not least: I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass. You could run this over to your friends but why not just e-mail it to them! I decided to take an aerobics class I bent twisted gyrated and jumped up and down for an hour, but by the time I got my leotards on the class was over.

Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. Missing — A purple lady's bicycle from the church parking lot. The "Spiritually Spontaneous" rally will begin at 4:15. The Sunday Night Men's Glee Club will meet on Saturday at the park, unless it rains. In that case they will meet at their regular Tuesday evening time. It's Drug Awareness Week: Get involved in drugs before your children do. Anyone not claiming lost articles will be disposed of. Will the person who borrowed the ladder from the custodian's closet please bring it back before further steps are taken. Illiterate? Write to the church office for help. If we see smoking, we will assume that you are on fire and will take appropriate action. Church Rummage Sale: A good opportunity to get rid of anything not worth keeping but too good to throw away. Bring your spouse. The class on prophecy has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances. The church office will be closed until opening. It will remain closed after opening. It will reopen Monday. Wanted: Part-time, a Christian nanny to take care of our two-yearold who does not smoke or drink. One thing we have been taught over and over in school is that the use of a double negative is a no-no. I think we ought to eliminate and abolish redundancy.

Absent Minded

The ushers will come forward and take our ties and offerings.

Now that I'm 'older' (but refuse to grow up), here's what I've discovered:

If marriage is outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws. Because the class on time management went overtime, we will move children's praise to the gym this morning. Let us join David and Lisa in the celebration of their wedding and bring their happiness to a conclusion. Jean is leading a weight-management series on Wednesday nights. She has used the program herself and is growing like crazy.

1 I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. 2 My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran. 3 I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart. 4 Funny, I don't remember being absent minded... 5 Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...

The Pastor's seminar on fasting will be held this Saturday morning at 9 A.M. in the Fellowship Hall. Coffee and donuts will be served.

6 All reports are in; life is now officially unfair. 7 If all is not lost, where is it?

Don't waist time on diets, join the church's aerobic class. The Women's League reported that Mrs. Springston, a grandmother of five, made a hole in one last week. Good Shooting!

8 It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser. 9 Funny, I don't remember being absent minded... 10. Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.

Ushers will beat latecomers.

11. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few...

On behalf of Barbara Rutledge and her family, our sincere thanks to all those sending cards and flowers and contributing to the death of her husband. The red nose spray on the altar is in celebration of the Smith's 25th wedding anniversary. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in school days. Continue to pray for Rita Slone, a blind member of our missionary team who got a new kidney from her father she hasn't seen in years.

12. Kids in the back seat cause accidents. 13. Accidents in the back seat cause kids. 14. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded... 15 It's hard to make a come back when you haven't been anywhere. 16. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom. 17. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees. 18. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?

Baptist Men's Fellowship Group Helps Dog Bite Victim. This Friday is our annual church hayride. Bring a pack of hot dogs and guns. We'll have a good time.

19. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...

Double-Positive

20. It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere. 21. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. 22. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter... I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after. 23. I AM UNABLE TO REMEMBER IF I HAVE MAILED THIS TO YOU OR NOT!

At a college English class a professor was holding forth on grammatical structure. He cited and discussed examples in English of double negatives -- and then claimed no similar examples exist of a corresponding double-positive, whose meaning equates to a negative. A voice rang out from the back row: "Yeah right."

24. Funny, I don't remember being . . . . . absent minded... Page 7 of 8

12 If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it? 13 If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Advice To Authors Don't use no double negatives. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

14 If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? 15 If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?

Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixed metaphors. If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, resist hyperbole.

Hazardous Materials Report

"Avoid over use of 'quotation "marks."'" ELEMENT

Avoid commas, that are not necessary. If you reread your work, you will find on rereading that a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.

WOMEN

MASS (always critical) ACTIVE LOCATION scattered rural deposits

Avoid clichés like the plague. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do. Avoid colloquial stuff.

Computer Gender A French teacher was explaining to her class that in French, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. e.g. "House" is feminine -"la maison", "Pencil" is masculine - "le crayon." A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?" Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups -- male and female and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

Varies from 45kg to 245kg Large deposits in urban areas, &

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES Surface normally obscured by paint. Boils at zero degrees & freezes spontaneously. Melts when alcohol is applied Found in various grades from virgin to common ore. CHEMICAL PROPERTIES. Affinity to gold, silver, platinum & precious gems, Readily absorbs expensive substances Explosive under lunar influence Softens & takes on rosy glow in hot soapy water. Turns red when discovered in natural state, Turns green when placed alongside a superior specimen. COMMON USES. Is highly ornamental & an effective aid to relaxation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:

Things You Probably Didn't Know

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic; 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else; 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for immediate later retrieval; and 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it. The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("le computer"), because:

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David, Hearts - Charlemagne, Clubs Alexander the Great, Diamonds - Julius Caesar 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves; 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

'I am.' is the shortest complete sentence in the English language. Q. What occurs more often in December than any other month? Conception. Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you could find the letter a? One thousand.

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

Q. What do bullet-proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? All invented by women.

The women won.

Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil? Honey

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

Inner Strength

Deep Questions 1 Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat? 2 Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough? 3 Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? 4 Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle? 5 Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal injection?

If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills, If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains, If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles, If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it, If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time, If you can overlook when people take things out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong, If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

6 Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? 7 Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a gun at him?

If you can face the world without lies and deceit, If you can conquer tension without medical help,

8 Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

If you can relax without liquor,

9 Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

10 What is the speed of darkness? 11 Are there specially reserved parking spaces for non-disabled people at The Special Olympics?

If you can do all these things, Then you are probably the family dog.

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