10/11/06 Vanderkok's Worldwide Wife Search

10/11/06 vanderKOK’s WORLDWIDE WIFE SEARCH October 11, 2006 Pastor Kok III:Announcing a World Wide Wife Search ! 10/11/06 ANNOUNCING A WORLDWIDE WIFE SEARCH And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." Matt 19:4-6 I’ve talked about previous relationships I’ve had. And I’ve talked about how some others , including relatives, have interfered with some of these relationships. And I’ve talked about relationships that could have been or should have been (e.g. Missy Theule, Barb Wiersma, Kim Kooiker, Amy Jonker, et. al) but for some reason are not (i.e. Rocky Mountain Barrier). I’ve grieved about some of these lost relationships, and I maintain my present love and care for some of these relationships gone by. But some of them are now married and those who are not (if any) are not communicating. You can’t say I haven’t tried. They should all know how to reach me by now. I have to move on (chances are most of them don’t think about me at all anyways, as much as I would like to think otherwise). I myself take relationships seriously and am still seeking a person with whom to enter into a life long covenant. But I cannot afford to be jerked around again. Or used again. Or taken advantage of again. In all of these previous relationships , marriage was a serious possibility, in my mind, if not theirs. In a few cases, the thought was the same but they were thinking about it much earlier than myself. Had they been able to wait, it could have been. But for whatever reason, for better or for worse, it didn’t happen. And I’ve blamed third persons— who interfered (i.e. Aunt Martha, Kevin Vredeveld, Audrey & Eric Kooyer, et.al.) And I’ve blamed lack of nurturing from my own parents ( Jim & Linda) It doesn’t matter now. I have to start over. And so I am announcing a World Wide Wife Search. But I’m not going to go through the trial and error of dating and waiting. Been there, done

that. It didn’t work. One reason, in addition to interference, these relationships didn’t work is, perhaps, because of lack of common purpose. Maybe some of these relational others didn’t have a realization that I had a much larger, long-term purpose for marriage and life than the average person. My marriage must be FOR CHRIST, IN CHRIST ! I need a relational other (i.e. woman) who shares my common purpose to SERVE CHRIST ! (for more about me go to www.mustardseedfaith.org) How this will be manifested ten years from now I do not know. I cannot forecast the future. Maybe I’ll be President of the United States of America serving Christ, or maybe I’ll be Governor of California serving Christ, or maybe I’ll be Superintendent of the LAUSD serving Christ! Then again, maybe I’ll be in Africa as a missionary teaching the Word of God to Africans. Only God knows ! Therefore, I’m not going to go to bars or single gatherings, and will not try internet dating. I don’t think that will work because the average person, the average girl/lady does not have a large enough outlook and sense of future purpose, even some in the church. But there’s a greater chance finding such a person in the church or seminary or Christian environment. Fuller Seminary was an obvious place for meeting such a person (and prior to that Calvin College & Seminary) but there were those who intentionally “chilled” the environment at Fuller, quashing opportunities for some of us to freely meet and interact and express ourselves without reserve. There was social engineering going on at Fuller Seminary. Likewise Calvin College & Seminary. Too thick and convoluted for me to discern and address quickly and adequately. I can see clearly now from further away but that was then, this is now. (for more about me go to www.mustardseedfaith.org) I need a wife who will be strongly committed to being a mutual partner and committed to SERVING CHRIST ! This could take us anywhere. And I need a wife who can handle difficult family situations—who will not buckle and run when sandbagged by my own “loving” family members which is almost guaranteed. I need a wife who is prepared for anything—somebody might whisper something to her to make her think less of me. She must not listen. She needs to be resistant to propaganda even from so-called friends and family. She needs to be strong. There will be those who want to destroy us.

I need a wife who is single-minded—not susceptible to being easily led astray by others. I’ve had previous relationships where suddenly a nice young lady in one case started smoking and becoming overly critical—a sudden change of personality due to the presence of two unscrupulous “friends” who wanted to interfere with our relationship and ruin her, not nurture us. I believe in equality—man and woman equal in marriage but the man must be made to feel manly—Biblical Manhood…not in a overly false manner without real respect but in a genuine manner. Likewise, Biblical Womanhood should also be respected. The woman must like men in general, but if we get married she must love only me in the strongest sense of the word. She cannot go around flirtatiously with other men. She cannot be a "tease." She cannot be a man-hater. If she’s been abused and has “baggage” that needs to get worked out—I feel sorry for her but I don’t want to enter into a psychotherapeutic relationship. This marriage will be a contract—to love and respect each other and to help each other through thick and thin. And the purpose will be to SERVE CHRIST! There are no specifics at this point. It’s being prepared for anything. I believe in marriage between a man & a woman also for the purpose of having children who will be brought up in a Christian environment—learning what it means to be a part of the Body of Christ. I, myself, come from the Reformed Church tradition. My future wife does not have to come from the same tradition or background, but we will have to agree on some standards. My wife must be a Christian. There’s no compromise in that regard. This is not going to be mushy, romantic relationship. It will be work. It will be for a purpose. It will be steadfast. The woman must be strong and not run at the first sign of trouble. No calling home to mommy & daddy at the first problem. There will be arguments. There will be disagreements. That’s not necessarily a sign of a bad marriage. But the arguments and disagreements must lead to stronger unity and more commitment. I don’t want anybody responding from dating services, or internet ads. Chances are I’ll be more compatible with somebody with similar education and interests but I’m not making any specific restrictions. I’ll let the Holy Spirit lead.

Therefore, I am asking anybody interested in marriage to send her resume or some sort of description of herself to me at [email protected] Any letters of interest or proposals must be done in writing via U.S. Postal Mail (not by e-mail). There are too many cheap and sleazy things transmitted by e-mail and it is too difficult to discern what is for real and what is not. Nor do I want to read about anybody’s sexual interests and ABSOLUTELY NO HOMOSEXUAL PROPOSALS ! No queers allowed. I want to know about your purpose—true, long-term, committed purpose. There are no restrictions on race or ethnicity, but what counts most is love of Christ, sincerity, and actual ability to follow through on what you say. Photos will help. Photos give me a sense of personality and character. That’s all for now. I’ll leave it at that. The 40-year-plan is proceeding well and we shall see where this leads, ACCORDING TO God’s Will. J.P. Kok , “vanderKOK” Pastor Kok III