02. Kama-sutra-9-steps-to-regain-your-sex-life-you-always-wanted.docx

Kama Sutra 9 Steps To Regain Your Sex Life You Have Always Wanted

By

Joseph Lindberg

Joseph Lindberg

© Copyright 2017 by Joseph Lindberg All rights reserved. In no way is it legal to reproduce, duplicate, or transmit any part of this document in either electronic means or in printed format. Recording of this publication is strictly prohibited and any storage of this document is not allowed unless with written permission from the publisher. All rights reserved. The information provided herein is stated to be truthful and consistent, in that any liability, in terms of inattention or otherwise, by any usage or abuse of any policies, processes, or directions contained within is the solitary and utter responsibility of the recipient reader. Under no circumstances will any legal responsibility or blame be held against the publisher for any reparation, damages, or monetary loss due to the information herein, either directly or indirectly. Respective authors own all copyrights not held by the publisher. Legal Notice: This book is copyright protected. This is only for personal use. You cannot amend, distribute, sell, use, quote or paraphrase any part or the content within this book without the consent of the author or copyright owner. Legal action will be pursued if this is breached. Disclaimer Notice: Please note the information contained within this document is for educational and entertainment purposes only. Every attempt has been made to provide accurate, up to date and reliable complete information. No warranties of any kind are expressed or implied. Readers acknowledge that the author is not engaging in the rendering of legal, financial, medical or professional advice. By reading this document, the reader agrees that under no circumstances are we responsible for any losses, direct or indirect, which are incurred as a result of the use of 2

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information contained within this document, including, but not limited to, —errors, omissions, or inaccuracies.

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Table of Contents Introduction .................................................... 5 Step 1 – Gaining Confidence............................. 8 Step 2 – Eating For Better Sex ......................... 11 Step 3 – Masturbation .................................... 14 Step 4 – Improving Relationships ................... 17 Step 5 – Find What You Desire....................... 20 Step 6 – Experiment ...................................... 22 Step 7 – Oral Sex ............................................ 25 Step 8 – Other Forms Of Foreplay .................. 30 Step 9 – The Act Of Intercourse ..................... 33 Conclusion..................................................... 36

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Introduction Kama Sutra is one of the most well-known books pertaining to the history of desire, love making, positioning and other sexual practices. The Kama Sutra wasn’t merely a book to read but more of a way of life. Following the Kama Sutras practices and steps led one down a path of sexual completeness and fulfillment in relationships. Although most of the practices are now considered ancient, a lot of them are still used in today’s society. Though some of the practices are dated and no longer apply to modern day, American and European relationships, there are plenty of different parts of the world that still use the Kama Sutra and abide by each and every law religiously. Being a way of life, the Kama Sutra follows the “Purusharthas” which is translated as “the four main goals of life”. These four main goals are as follows: Dharma: Virtuous living Artha: Material Prosperity Kama: Desire Moksha: Liberation These four goals are what you aim your life to be like. In order to be fulfilled in sex, love and life, these four goals must be abided by or pursued throughout one’s life. An old quote from the Kama Sutra text states: “Dharma is better than Artha, and Artha is better than Kama. But Artha should always be first practiced by the king for the livelihood of men is to be obtained from it only. Again, Kama being the occupation of public women, they should prefer it to the other two, and these are exceptions to the general rule.” Being that, in America and European societies, there is more equality among men and women so the translation of this quote would seem dated to that population, but in other areas where women are still considered less superior than their male counterparts, this translation might be 5

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more relevant. A lot can be said for the Kama Sutra text when it comes to life. Most of us want to live a life with fulfilled desires, prosperity, virtuous living and feeling of liberation however, most of us fall short on almost all of these goals for whatever reason. It is time to start taking control of your life and your desires because sex is more than a physical act between a male and a female. Sex, or lovemaking, is a connection between two people – sometimes strangers though, preferably not. Having a fulfilling sex life can be done while also improving almost every aspect of your life. In order to be fulfilled in other things, we need to first accept that we need to change our way of thinking and put together a guideline for improvement to abide by. This book lays out nine steps that will not only lead you to a more fulfilling sex life, but also to a better life all around. You are already on the right step with reading a book pertaining to this, so you are obviously ready for a change. It can be hard to believe that your sex life can be improved and changed by words written in a text, but it can. In fact, improving your sex life can be done without help at all, but you need to know yourself 100% if you ever expect to please someone else (inside and outside of the bedroom). There are so many ways in which each of us are pleased via sexually. Finding out what pleases each and every one of us is the difficult part. The Kama Sutra states that all of us can find pleasure and desire in one another, but only if certain factors are taken into account. With this book, you will be able to identify and implement nine steps that will change the way you look at yourself, life and sex. You will feel born again with the willingness and want to change or start anew. Having a great sex life isn’t just a fairytale or something you see in movies or pornography. A great sex life is achieved by hard work on your part and life changing practices that are kept up with throughout your life. Nothing in life is easy and this is no exception to that.

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As the Kama Sutra states, “thus a man practicing Dharma, Artha and Kama enjoys happiness both in this world and in the world to come” (I. p.20). The Kama Sutra, though essentially a sexual based book, actually spends most of the book talking of the origins of desire, how to woos each other, how to treat one another in relationships, etc. There is only a small section of the book allotted to sexual positioning and sexual intercourse which most people don’t realize. A lot of the time, people assume the Kama Sutra to be a book that is crude and focused solely on sex and different positions to help men and women ejaculate quicker but this couldn’t be further from the truth.

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Step 1 – Gaining Confidence Having confidence is critical when attempting to create a better sex life. If you don’t believe that you can succeed, then why try? Success only comes to those who work hard and believe they can be better – and making themselves better. Success can’t be given to someone, success is earned. You might argue, what of the people whose parents are wealthy and are, by association, wealthy as well. Wealth is one thing, success is another. You can have money given to you through various means; lottery, inheritance, settlement, etc. but having money doesn’t make an individual successful. Success is gained by confidence in one’s self. For those of us who have little confidence or none at all, gaining it can be difficult but not impossible. You need to first take a look at why you don’t believe in yourself. Do you have a disability? Do you feel you are unattractive? Do you have anxiety holding you back? Whatever it may be, confidence is only a reach away. It will take some conditioning and self-motivation to get where you ultimately want to be, but it is possible. Look at yourself in the mirror and instead of pointing out your flaws, look at your features that please you; accentuate these features. This is especially true for people who believe they are unattractive and will never find someone to grow old with. There is more than one person out there for everyone, believing otherwise is foolish. Gaining confidence is different for every individual; some people gain it by reading, some by exercising, makeup, near death experiences – the possibilities are endless. Everyone is different and because of this, everyone either has confidence or doesn’t. The Kama Sutra assumes that, for the most part, every individual is relatively comfortable in their own skin. For some men, confidence lies in the belief that size matters. According to the Kama Sutra, there are three types of males and three types of females.

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Each of the three types of individuals are compatible with their counterpart. Here are the classifications for men based on the length of their penis: the hare, the bull and the horse. The women are classified into three types based on the depth of her vagina; these three types are the deer, mare, and elephant. Each of these pairs match perfectly in length and depth, creating the optimal sexual experience. This is good news for men who believe they aren’t big enough because women have a different depth and capacity and what is big to some women is small to others. The couples who are the most compatible, according to the Kama Sutra, are the hare and the deer, bull and mare, horse and elephant, bull and elephant, horse and deer and horse and mare. You can see that the horse is compatible with all women so they obviously have their pick when it comes to who they can adequately pleasure though this doesn’t mean that the smaller men won’t be able to pleasure an individual that the Kama Sutra deals unequal. If this doesn’t help men and women gain confidence in the bedroom, there are other steps you can do as well. For individuals over weight and uncomfortable in their own skin, exercising and maintaining a healthy diet can be all your body needs to change its mindset. Exercising alone releases endorphins and filters out the cortisol in your body that stress produces and that stores excess body fat. The more you exercise, the better you feel and the better you will look if physical activity is maintained. I can’t stress enough the importance of having confidence. Gaining a better sex life can’t be done if you aren’t confident in your ability to please the other person. Even if you know you can please the other person, but you aren’t confident about the way you look without clothes on, this comfortability will rub off on your partner and make for a less than romantic sexual encounter. Once you gain confidence, you can choose whether or not to get rid of it. Living as a confident individual is life changing and makes for a much better quality of life. No one wants to live a life where they are uncomfortable with their selves and their abilities. 9

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Step 2 – Eating For Better Sex Every aspect of your life can affect your sex life one way or another. Most people hear tell of rumors and myths surrounding different types of food that can be used as either aphrodisiacs or to improve the smell and taste of genitalia. I am here to tell you that food does affect your sex life and should be taken into account when attempting to gain a fulfilling sex life. It may be hard to believe, but our bodies absorb and react to different nutrients that we intake. Alcohol can cause some men to have difficulty sustaining an erection because alcohol slows blood flow where as a man who snorts cocaine (the use of illicit drugs is not being recommended, only being used as an example for how different substances we intake can affect our sexual function) can maintain an erection for hours – though this varies for each individual. As I stated before, I am not condoning the use of illicit drugs, I am merely using them as an extreme example of how the body is affected by substances. Eating different fruits and vegetables has been known to have different effects on the genitalia for men and women. For example, asparagus makes your urine smell significantly stronger which could make it a bit uncomfortable for individuals performing oral sex. Pineapple is said to make the vagina taste sweeter because of the high sugar content and the way the fruit is metabolized in the body; whether or not this is true has yet to be scientifically confirmed. According to the Kama Sutra, food not only nourishes your body, but it nourishes your soul as well. Some aphrodisiac recipes contain foods high in zinc and honey because both if these items are said to arouse the mind and body. Spices are some of the most widely used of aphrodisiac foods, some of these spices commonly used for arousal are pepper, cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, cloves, cardamom, ginger and Ashwagandha. Food has an incredible effect on the mood of the individual; some people even gauge their day on whether or not they 11

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received a good cup of coffee in the morning. Due to this effect, people are constantly experimenting with different ways in which to heighten their sexual arousal and enhance their sexual experience. As stated before, numerous foods are considered to have aphrodisiac properties, however some people are aroused by other foods outside of the “normally arousing” foods. Basil is another common aphrodisiac plant that can be used to spice up other dishes. As far as when to eat certain arousing foods, it really depends on what it is you are ingesting. Usually, ingesting foods that are intending to change the way you taste or the something anatomically, can be ingested at the beginning of the day so that it is metabolized by the time you engage in intercourse that night. However, for things that are intended to arouse someone immediately, these should obviously be ingested somewhere close to the time that they are intending on engaging in sexual intercourse, preferably within the hour. In some cases, ingesting the food together while kissing (for aphrodisiacs such as chocolate) can be pleasurable and arousing because of the connection you both feel with one another. Due to the holistic nature of this practice and the general belief that the resulting arousal is simply a placebo effect, there really isn’t strict rules on when certain foods should be ingested; only that when ingested, they are known to facilitate arousal in some circumstances. After all is said and done though, having a healthy diet is the difference between living a healthy and fulfilled life and living one of un-satisfaction. Living a healthy life will result in a healthy individual and healthy individuals are able to engage in regular sexual activity and reap the same benefits of sexual intercourse. Being overweight and unhealthy can result in men being unable to get or sustain an erection and overweight women may have a difficult time achieving orgasm because of the male’s inability to penetrate deeply due to access tissue. Not only is this an issue, males may not have an erection as large as its potential because of the lack of blood flow 12

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due to the size of the individual and the accumulation of fatty tissue in the pubic region. Eating healthy and maintaining a proper weight also gives the individual a higher degree of stamina and flexibility, allowing for more adventurous sexual positions and a longer lasting sexual encounter.

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Step 3 – Masturbation Masturbating is something we humans have done from the beginning of time. Not only is it recommended, it can also heighten and lengthen your sexual experience if done prior to sexual intercourse. Women naturally have a difficult time climaxing during sexual intercourse and sometimes masturbation is the only way in which they can achieve an orgasm. Masturbation also helps the individual learn about themselves and find out what they deem to be arousing and pleasurable. It would be difficult to know what feels good or expect someone else to make you feel good if you have never experimented and attempted to figure it out on your own. Masturbation is done by men daily, which is normal. Women tend to masturbate less frequently than men for a variety of reasons, mainly due to lack of time to allot to the act and lack of desire because of other things that are weighing down the mind. The reason masturbation is so important for a fulfilling sex life can’t be narrowed down to one reason; there are multiple. One of these reasons is that masturbation, as stated before, can help you learn about yourself and explore yourself. Having the privacy and desire to explore your own body and sexual desires is incredibly important in developing your sexual drive. For men, masturbation can be done by experimenting with different stroking techniques, fondling the testicles and stroking the prostate from various angles. Some men have very sensitive testicles and prefer not to have them touched during sex and oral sex – knowing this will save you from stress during the heat of the moment. For women, knowing your limits and what feels good is important. Some women have larger clitorises than others and some women prefer the focus to not be solely on the clitoris because this can be overwhelming. Some women can only fit one finger into their vagina whereas other women can fit an entire fist.

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Some women and men prefer rough sex whereas others prefer slow and sensual intercourse. Masturbation will help you to discover all different types of scenarios and help you discover which of yours you like the most. Now, another reason why masturbation is so important for a fulfilling sex life is because masturbation can help men last longer in the bedroom and help women to climax in the bedroom. We have all heard for foreplay and we know the importance of it, implementing techniques learned during masturbation for women can help her prepare quicker for intercourse making her more likely to climax. Women can also masturbate before intercourse to erect their clitoris and lubricate the vagina. Men can masturbate and work on holding back the urge to ejaculate, helping them to last longer during intercourse. Some men find they can last significantly longer in the bedroom after they ejaculate shortly before engaging in sexual intercourse. It can be hard to find the time to masturbate prior to having sex however, as I stated before, these masturbation techniques can be implemented into foreplay. On top of bringing you closer to yourself, learning what feels good and what doesn’t, and helping individuals to either last longer in bed and climax easier, masturbation can be one of the key steps in assuring a long and fulfilling sex life. There is an old Lifehouse song that states, “you have to love yourself if you can ever love me”. Learning about yourself and loving yourself gives you the ability to please not only yourself, but your significant other in the bedroom as well. There are a few individuals in the world who prefer not to masturbate, or at least not often, because they aren’t comfortable with being that close or in tune with their bodies. There are other reasons why some individuals don’t participate in self-pleasure; these reasons being religion, certain morals that were taught in childhood and mass media that frowns upon certain acts of self-pleasure. The use of pornography and sexual toys to help with selfpleasure for both males and females is widely known and accepted, but for a small group of people these acts are 15

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frowned upon and looked badly upon. Masturbation is part of growing up and learning about your body, refraining from it due to beliefs is your own decision however you should not feel bad about engaging and participating in such acts.

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Step 4 – Improving Relationships This step may seem a bit strange, but attempting to have a fulfilling sex life can’t be done if your life isn’t on the road to fulfillment. Improving every aspect of your life is critical in gaining and maintaining a healthy and satisfying sex life; relationships included. When we talk of relationships, this doesn’t necessarily mean sexually based relationships exclusively. All of your relationships in your life need to be improved. Any bridges that you burned, grudges you are holding, people you haven’t forgiven or you have been ignoring for whatever reason – any relationship that is holding tension in your life, needs to be addressed. It may seem trivial but this step is more important than individuals realize because humans are social animals. Being a social animal means our wellbeing is determined by having people around us and engaging in social activities and interactions. Having negative relationships not only hurts the relationships experiencing negativity, but it also affects you as a human being more deeply than you realize. With each angry and stress filled emotion, different hormones are released. Being angry with someone or annoyed with someone is actually unhealthy; feeling these emotions is unnecessary and avoidable. If you find that you can’t help being annoyed or angry with certain individuals, try to determine why it is that you feel that way. Is it jealousy, lack of respect, envy? We can hate people because we want to be like them, but this only harms us more in the long run. Women tend to compare themselves with other women most of the time, without even realizing it. Comparing yourself to someone else is setting yourself up to be disappointed because no two individuals are made the same – and some things can’t be changed. When women compare themselves to other women, they focus more on their own flaws. Every woman 17

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has another woman in their lives whom they feel threatened by for materialistic and shallow reasons. These relationships need to be repaired. They say you can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat their parents. If they are mean to their parents, they will be mean to you eventually. Having a great relationship with your parents makes for great relationships outside of the family. Not to mention, when other people see how well you and your parents get along and how strong your relationship with them is, they will feel refreshed and comforted. Too often we shut people out of our lives for doing foolish things, not realizing the emotional toll it has on us. Though the emotional scars may not be obvious, they lie dormant and kick you when you are upset or angry at something else. Confronting negative relationships and settling them will give you a sense of satisfaction, even if the end goal or common ground isn’t met. Doing all you can to save the relationship or completely eliminate it from your life needs to be done, no in between relationships. Our minds are weighed down enough with the stress of everyday life and responsibilities, adding a strained relationship into the mix won’t end well even if it’s a friend you’ve known a few months. We thrive off social interactions, even the humans that prefer to be inside, away from everyone. There are introverts out there who use their personality traits as an excuse to stay away from society. Social anxiety is real and catering to it by staying inside or avoiding social situations is only going to make it worse. Everyone needs relationships in their lives, even if they think that they don’t. For the sake of sanity and a fulfilled life (sex life included) build and maintain relationships with individuals. Love others how you would want to be loved, treat others how you want to be treated. You may not receive the same amount of reciprocation, but putting your all into something gives you a reason to demand the same in return, especially in relationships. Having fulfilling relationships leads to a fulfilled sex life because you don’t 18

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have the added stress of broken relationships and you can put your focus on your current relationship instead of backtracking to broken relationships that you are neglecting to reconcile. Matters like these that appear to be trivial can add up to make a big impact on the positive relationships in your life.

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Step 5 – Find What You Desire We all desire different things in relationships and in sex. Some of us are confused about what we find desirable or we think we know what we want and aren’t satisfied when we get it. Desires go further than the bedroom, they steer our life. Believe it or not, Kama Sutra only dedicates a small portion to their book to actual sex and positioning, the rest is about desire, lust, etc. A lot of us think we desire a certain scenario in the bedroom, such as an additional person, role playing or the usage of toys while the other person only desires a single individual, traditional sex. Whichever way you prefer to have sex is fine, but attempting to combine the two and expect to have a fulfilling sex life is foolish. Many of us find someone and settle with their sexuality because we believe we want to be with them and we “love” them. We sacrifice our own desires to make the other individual happy or to avoid seeming gluttonous. You can see, or choose to ignore, the stressors that unbalanced sexuality and desires can have on a relationship. For example, you desire to have sex daily while your partner prefers to have sex once or twice a week. One of you has to compromise – and it's usually the one wanting to have sex to most. So, while your partner is left satisfied with their sex life, you are left unfulfilled. You may ignore it for a while but eventually it will build up and cause tension in the relationship. You will begin to argue more and you will begin to resent your partner for not taking care of your needs while they are continually having their needs met. The frustration and stress of this will build up, whether you want to believe it or not, and you will begin to look towards other outlets to fulfill your desires. If you are currently in a relationship where this sort of imbalance exists, you as a couple needs to confront it head on. Desire is a strong, strong emotion which can cloud 20

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your judgement and make you do things without thinking them all the way through, possibly jeopardizing your current relationship. If you want the relationship to work, you both need to share the same or similar desires or you need to communicate your imbalances and come to a common ground. Unfortunately, relationships with this type of imbalance often result in infidelity. To avoid this, know what you desire from the beginning and look for that when choosing a partner. Finding your desires and expressing them to potential partners can prevent the formation of a relationship with an imbalance in each other’s sexual fulfillment. What is also interesting in today’s society versus ancient society is our beliefs on the origin of desire. You see, in modern day society, most of us believe that we can only be with someone and only desire someone attractive and a reflection of what we deem to be attractive and desirable whereas in ancient times, desire is believed to be something you can teach yourself. You don’t simply have desire for one another immediately, you create it instead. This belief shows the difference in discipline from ancient society versus modern day society where we have again, fallen into the belief that things will just happen without requiring we put in work. Relationships won’t simply work out without work being put into them, this goes for nearly everything in life. You don’t cut the grass, it will overgrow and become unmanageable; if you don’t maintain your car, it will breakdown on you prematurely. This same principle applies to desire and relationships, nurture them and take care of them and they will grow and blossom. Neglect them and they will wither and die. Desires can be created and eliminated; we are in control of what we want.

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Step 6 – Experiment This step is incredibly important, especially for couples who are serious and are looking for some excitement in the bedroom. Experimentation can be done during intercourse, foreplay and/or masturbation. What is interesting about experimentation in sex is that it’s different for each individual. One person might consider anal sex experimentation whereas the other individual sees role playing as experimentation. The importance of experimentation is not only to bring more fulfillment into your sex life but also to bring more excitement. It can be exciting to see what fantasies your partner enjoys and learning this will bring you both closer to one another. Several examples of experimentation can be as follows; say, trying new sexual positions to enhance pleasure, bringing toys into the bedroom or attempting anal sex. As with any types of experimentation, it is important to make sure both individuals are understanding and willing to participate. Experimentation should never be done if one of the individuals is uncomfortable doing so. For example, experimentation with anal sex should only be done if both parties are ok with it. Although anal sex can be highly pleasurable for both individuals, it also comes with a great deal of risks for both parties involved. Men are at risk for diseases if protection is not used and women are even more at risk for diseases and injury to the rectum and colon if the male is not gentle or the proper amount of lubrication is not used. Speaking of lubrication, there are many different types of lubrication that couples can experiment with to get different effects and feelings. There are certain lubricants that have an inviting or arousing smell, while others are mild to unscented. There are also lubricants that create different sensations such as warming and cooling, some create an interesting effect when combined to together. Experimenting with different types of lubrication is a safe and fun way to add something 22

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new and interesting into the bedroom. Other sorts of experimentation can be done with certain sexual positions, but this will be discussed in the intercourse chapter. Experimenting with different types of toys can be done with both men and women. Believe it or not, men can use sex toys during intercourse as well; they aren’t restricted to females only. Items such as penis rings, butt plugs, nipple clips and various other items can be used by the male during sexual intercourse. For the woman, having a vibrator to stimulate the clitoris can bring her to orgasm along with dildos, butt plugs, lingerie, and nipple clips as well. A lot of items that women use, men can use as well. What is interesting about sex toys is that many people don’t welcome the idea of introducing toys into the bedroom because they are worried that the sex toy might be seen as a replacement to their partner in some way. This thought, although understandable, is silly in terms of reality. A sex toy, although pleasurable, could never take the place of another human being in the bedroom. Dildos will never feel exactly like human penises and fake vaginas and blow up dolls will never feel exactly like a human vagina. These thoughts need to be pushed out of individuals heads. Often, people don’t experiment with one another because they are worried about what their significant other may think of them or they are embarrassed by what turns them on. Many men enjoy being dominated whereas in today’s society, the “norm” considers the male to be dominating over the women. Men may be embarrassed to express this fetish because they are worried their partner will think they are less of a man – this is a good indicator of how healthy a relationship is. Being able to communicate and openly experiment with each other gives way to an incredibly trusting and exciting relationship. The Kama Sutra also explains different ways in which you can experiment by hitting one another. Hitting can involve gentle slapping, spanking and pinching. The direct excerpt from the Kama Sutra states,

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“Loveblows add fuel to the fire of passion. The Kama Sutra lists these blows as: the plain backhander, the clenched fist, the open palm and the gathered hood. These are to be given in special places like her shoulders, head, back, sides, torso or in the cleft of her breasts. Of course, one or all of these will inflict some degree of pain and she will cry out in agony and ecstasy, making eight specific type of sounds, which in turn will give you a clear indication of how far you have succeeded in arousing her. She’ll start exclaiming: ‘O! mother!’, ‘Let go!’, ‘Stop!’, ‘Leave me!’, ‘I’m dead! I’m dead! And even ‘Nice!’ or ‘More’. Finally sounds without words will spring from her throat as she scales new heights of pleasure. Start slowly, but do not hurt her unless she demands it.”

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Step 7 – Oral Sex Participate in oral sex. Give oral sex and receive oral sex. Oral sex is important to a fulfilling sex life. One complaint that is echoed all too often if that women don’t receive the same amount of attention orally as men do. Men are often expectant of a blow job (or at least some oral play) prior to penetrative sex and sometimes even afterwards as well. A lot of the time, the woman is left completely unattended to, making her almost resentful and angry at the man for being so seemingly selfish. The fact of the matter is, oral sex is underperformed in a lot of relationships and because of this, couples have a less than fulfilling sex life. A lot of men find the vagina to be intimidating and confusing and because of this, they tend to stay away from it in fear that they will embarrass themselves attempting to please the woman or they won’t be able to find the clitoris and help her achieve an orgasm. The vagina is complicated but simple once it is figured out. What is interesting about women is that their sex drive is not based on whether or not oral sex – or sex in general, feels good. Sex for women can’t simply be initiated by seeing a naked man. Women need to be in the mood for sexual intercourse and need to be aroused. Women are more “thinkers” than men so it tends to be harder to become aroused than it is for males. Men can look at a naked woman and become aroused; different anatomy. Men are visual, women are more thought based. Oral sex for women can be done using a combination of both fingers, tongue and will involve both sucking and licking. One of the males first course of action prior to attempting oral sex should be to look up the female anatomy if you aren’t clear on where the clitoris is located. For women, the clitoris shouldn’t be under stimulated or overstimulated. Not giving the clitoris enough stimulation won’t produce any enjoyment for the women and overstimulation the clitoris can be overwhelming and 25

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sometimes painful. In order to make sure you aren’t doing either, place a finger inside the vagina and do the “come here” motion with your finger. While doing this motion, lightly suck on the clitoris and the labia, licking and kissing other areas. She will guide you where she wants you and if she doesn’t, tell her too. You will be able to see and hear how she responds to certain techniques. For women, performing oral sex on a male is simple but needs to be done with passion. Men can tell when a woman is performing oral sex and is less than interested. You can’t expect to receive great oral sex if you can’t give great oral sex in return. Depending on the size of the male’s shaft, oral sex can be done by sucking on the man’s penis, going from the head of the penis to the base of the shaft (depending on the length of the male, sometimes you won’t be able to reach the base of the shaft). If you can, place your hand around his shaft and move in a twisting motion while moving your mouth up and down the penis. Kissing his inner thighs, lightly sucking on his testicles and kissing around the genital region are all ways to help him ejaculate. Some men have a difficult time ejaculating from oral sex alone, so women shouldn’t take it to heart when the male is unable to ejaculate and needs to finish either on his own or during penetrative sex. There are plenty of reasons why males have difficulty finishing during oral sex, its usually because oral sex doesn’t feel the same has a human vagina so ejaculation is more difficult for them. Not to say that oral sex from a female doesn’t feel pleasurable, it is a different type of pleasure. Just like with women, it can be difficult to achieve orgasm during oral sex because it doesn’t feel the same as a penis. Men and women are so critical on themselves when things don’t go the way they predict them too in sexual encounters and being hard on yourself can set the tone for future encounters.

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The Kama Sutra actually has several different oral sex techniques that it states results in optimal pleasure. These techniques are as follows: The circling tongue, the tongue massage, sucked, sucked up, stirring, sucked hard, the crow, touching, biting at the sides, the outer pincers, the inner pincers, kissing, striking at the tip, sucking a mango, and swallowed whole. Below are the listed descriptions from the book of each of these oral sex techniques. Half of these techniques are for men and the other half are for women, the following techniques are the techniques for males to perform on females: “With delicate fingertips, pinch the arched lips of her house of love very very slowly together, and kiss them as though you kissed her lower lip: this is "Adharasphuritam" (The Quivering Kiss). Now spread, indeed cleave asunder, that archway with your nose and let your tongue gently probe her "yoni" (vagina), with your nose, lips and chin slowly circling: it becomes "Jihva-bhramanaka" (The Circling Tongue). Let your tongue rest for a moment in the archway to the flower-bowed Lord's temple before entering to worship vigorously, causing her seed to flow: this is "Jihva-mardita" (The Tongue Massage). Next, fasten your lips to hers and take deep kisses from this lovely one, your beloved, nibbling at her and sucking hard at her clitoris: this is called "Chushita" (Sucked). Cup, lift her young buttocks, let your tongue-tip probe her navel, slither down to rotate skilfully in the archway of the love-god's dwelling and lap her love-water: this is "Uchchushita" (Sucked Up). Stirring the root of her thighs, which her own hands are gripping and holding widely apart, your fluted tongue drinks at her sacred spring: this is "Kshobhaka" (Stirring). Place your darling on a couch, set her feet to your shoulders, clasp her waist, suck hard and let your tongue

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stir her overflowing love-temple: this is called "Bahuchushita" (Sucked Hard). If the pair of you lie side by side, facing opposite ways, and kiss each other's secret parts using the fifteen techniques described above, it is known as "Kakila" (The Crow).” The next techniques are to be performed by females on their male partners: “When your lover catches your penis in her hand and, shaping her lips to an 'O', lays them lightly to its tip, moving her head in tiny circles, this first step is called "Nimitta" (Touching). Next, grasping its head in her hand, she clamps her lips tightly about the shaft, first on one side then the other, taking great care that her teeth don't hurt you: this is "Parshvatoddashta" (Biting at the Sides). Now she takes the head of your penis gently between her lips, by turns pressing, kissing it tenderly and pulling at its soft skin: this is "Bahiha-samdansha" (the Outer Pincers). If next she allows the head to slide completely into her mouth and presses the shaft firmly between her lips, holding a moment before pulling away, it is "Antahasamdansha" (the Inner Pincers). When, taking your penis in her hand and making her lips very round, she presses fierce kisses along its whole length, sucking as she would at your lower lip, it is called "Chumbitaka" (Kissing). If, while kissing, she lets her tongue flick all over your penis and then, pointing it, strikes repeatedly at the sensitive glans-tip, it becomes "Parimrshtaka" (Striking at the Tip). And now, fired by passion, she takes your penis deep into her mouth, pulling upon it and sucking as vigorously as though she were stripping clean a mango-stone: this is "Amrachushita" (Sucking a Mango). When she senses that your orgasm is imminent she swallows up the whole penis, sucking and working upon 28

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it with lips and tongue until you spend: this is "Sangara" (Swallowed Whole).” Taken directly from the original book of Kama Sutra, these techniques are renowned for their historically effectiveness and pleasurable nature.

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Step 8 – Other Forms Of Foreplay Foreplay, outside of oral sex, is a fun and interesting way to help both parties reach climax and to learn more about one another. Although this may seem like a category that would go under experimentation, foreplay is done prior to sexual intercourse and is done to heighten the sexual encounter. Foreplay can be done using strictly oral sex or can be done using a combination of oral sex and other sexual techniques. What is interesting about foreplay is how often it is blown off and ignored. Foreplay is necessary for most women to be able to climax during sexual intercourse. Foreplay, in Kama Sutra, isn’t necessarily described as engaging is different sexual acts. Foreplay is instead, seen as a way of attracting the woman and drawing her closer to the man. As stated in Chapter X of the Kama Sutra, “In the pleasure room, decorated with flowers, and fragrant with perfumes, attended by his friends and servants, the citizen should receive the woman, who will come bathed and dressed, and will invite her to take refreshment and to drink freely. He should then seat her on his left side, and holding her hair, and touching also the end and knot of her garment, he should gently embrace her with his right arm. They should then carry on an amusing conversation on various subjects, and may also talk suggestively of things which would be considered as coarse, or not to be mentioned generally in society. They may then sing, either with or without gesticulations, and play on musical instruments, talk about the arts, and persuade each other to drink. At last when the woman is overcome with love and desire, the citizen should dismiss the people that may be with him, giving them flowers, ointments, and betel leaves, and then when the two are left

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alone, they should proceed as has been already described in the previous chapters.” Foreplay is seen as more of a conversation and romanticism as opposed to touching one another sexually, though this does come next. Foreplay is necessary and is supposed to be seen as one of the most pleasurable aspects of the entire act of sex. For anyone who believes foreplay to be a chore or an annoyance is either not with the right person or has never done it correctly. Foreplay is the walk before the run, the icing on the cake and the sunrise to the sunset. Sex can’t be fulfilling without the act of foreplay to start it off. Women can’t expect to achieve orgasm without the act of foreplay and a lot of times, men have a difficult time getting an erection without foreplay. Involving kissing, whispering, nudging and cuddling while embracing one another will bring you both closer as a couple while also giving you both an overwhelming sense of sexual satisfaction and arousal. Kissing is one of the most arousing acts individuals can engage in and should be done by couples daily to maintain the feeling of closeness and fondness of one another. Simple things, foreplay being one of them, are too often overlooked leading to detrimental relationship side effects. Foreplay, as stated in the Kama Sutra, can also be done by sitting with one another and chatting, building up the sexual tension between one another. Sexual tension can be an incredibly strong motivator to pleasure one another, so building it up along with the anticipation can be enough to send you both over the edge rather quickly into the act of penetrative sex. As the Kama Sutra states, “Females do not emit as males do. The males simply remove their desire, while the females, from their consciousness of desire, feel a certain kind of pleasure, which gives them satisfaction, but it is impossible for them 31

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to tell you what kind of pleasure they feel. The fact from which this becomes evident is, that males, when engaged in coition, cease of themselves after emission, but it is not so with females.”

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Step 9 – The Act Of Intercourse Here we have it, the beast itself. Sexual intercourse is what all this buildup surrounds. Sexual intercourse, the grand finale to the party. This act is done for pleasure and reproductive purposes, though the latter is more common and done daily by some couples. Sexual intercourse is, obviously, necessary for maintaining a healthy and fulfilling sex life because without it, your sex life wouldn’t exist at all. Many people who engage in regular sexual intercourse, still remain sexually unfulfilled because the lack of quality in each sexual encounter. Sex needs to be changed up and recharged every once in a while. Doing the same positions and mumbling the same dirty phrases will get old, even if you choose to ignore the fact. In order to avoid you or your loved one from becoming stagnant in the bedroom, each of you can take matters into your own hands by attempting to spice up intercourse and try new things. A common complaint from couples engaging in regular sexual intercourse is the lack of variety in the sexual positions. Couples often engage in the same two or three sexual positions that they both are comfortable with and alternate between them regularly. The issue with this is that there are hundreds of sexual positions. Granted, some of the sexual positions vary only slightly from the other, but the reason they are considered a different position is because different muscles are engaged and different feelings and nerves may be stimulated. Determining a new sexual position isn’t as simple as writing one down and claiming it to be a new position. Sexual positions can be introduced slowly into intercourse by transitioning from one position to another or couples

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can “grab the bull by the horns” and try out a bunch of new sexual positions at once. You don’t need to be in stellar shape to be able to perform most sexual positions, so refraining from experimentation simply out of fear you won’t have the stamina for the position is silly. All sexual positions can be altered and adjusted according to physical physique. Intercourse can be done either romantically or rough (or a combination of both). Most sex starts off slow and gentle before taking on a rougher feel, simply because things begin to heat up and once the friction starts to build the euphoric pleasure can be unbearable. Before performing any type of rough sex, discuss it with one another so you both are on the same page. Sexual intercourse leaves you both in a very vulnerable state and taking advantage of one another during this time, even if it is unintentional, can leave lasting emotional scars. Because of the added health benefits from the endorphin release. Having sex daily can cause you both to get bored with one another more quickly while also cause frictional injury to the vagina wall, labia minora, and even the shaft of the penis. Aside from physical, frictional damage, emotionally sex may begin to feel as more of a chore than an actual romantic endeavor. Sexual intercourse brings the couple together and strengthens your bond with one another so making sure that each and every time you engage in sexual intercourse it’s romantic, enjoyable and pleasurable experience. Kama Sutra has a myriad of sexual positions for couples to try. There are different positions that focus more on finding the females G-spot and deep penetration whereas other positions focus on stimulating the clitoris while also providing a pleasurable view for the man and easy access to other parts of the female body. Sex shouldn’t simply be able penetration but should also involve kissing, rubbing and speaking with one another. Touching areas of the woman including her breast, buttocks, lower back and

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neck while also kissing her can be highly arousing. The woman can stroke the man’s neck, buttocks and shaft while also kissing. There are many ways to make the act of intercourse even more enjoyable than the simple act itself is. Taking the time to communicate with one another about what the other likes, wants and desires can be the difference between an enjoyable sexual experience and a boring and undesirable sexual experience.

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Conclusion Finding and maintaining a fulfilling sexual life can be difficult and overwhelming but it is possible if you follow the steps outlined in this book. The Kama Sutra is historically known for being all encompassing and accurate in terms of what men and women want inside and outside of the bedroom; whether or not this still reflects modern day, American beliefs has yet to be confirmed, though a lot of its contents still ring true today. With this book, you should not only be able to begin your path toward sexual fulfillment, but be able to create an outline or a guide to help you along the way and to keep track of the measures you have taken towards your change. In this book we discussed the importance of step 1: gaining confidence, and how important confidence is to gaining a fulfilling sex life. If you don’t have confidence in yourself and your own ability to please, you can’t expect to satisfy your partner. Confidence is important in finding the fulfillment you seek and the sex life you desire. Step 2 discussed diet and how a healthy eating plan can lead to a better sex life. The chapter also discussed the different types of foods and spices that are meant to be aphrodisiacs and when you should consume them for maximum effect. Taking care of your body in terms of healthy eating is important in your performance in the bedroom. Being unable to pleasure the other person because you are out of shape and lack the flexibility and stamina can be embarrassing. Step 3 talks about masturbation and how important it is for a healthy and fulfilling sex life. The chapter also discussed the benefits of masturbation and how it can positively affect your sexual encounters. Also in the chapter, were various stigmas surrounding masturbation and how some individuals and religions frown upon self-

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pleasure. Regardless of belief, masturbation can help men last longer in the bedroom, can help women achieve climax during intercourse and can help you learn more about your body on your own without the pressure of someone else. Step 4 went over the importance of relationships in your life and how they reflect yourself and your future relationships. Relationships meaning family, friends, sexual and work related. All relationships, broken or strong, affect the individual either positively or negatively. Negative relationships can cause strain on an individual that can ripple throughout other aspects of the individual’s life, including romantic relationships. Being able to handle different types of relationships and either end them or mend them can prove to your significant other and yourself that you are in control of your life and who is in it. Being the social beings that we are, even if we don’t realize we are social, we need to have relationships in our life. Whether these relationships are strictly with family or a handful of friends, we need interaction for our wellbeing. This chapter goes I depth with these relationships. Step 5 goes over your desires and how to find out what exactly you desire. The Kama Sutra states that we are in control of what we desire whereas nowadays we believe that desire will come to us when we find the right person. Regardless of what we believe, we need to know what we desire out of a relationship sexually. If you desire to have sexual intercourse daily whereas your partner prefers once or twice a week, these desires need to be communicated of the relationship is doomed from the start. Step 6 describes how couples should experiment with other forms of intercourse and techniques. Whether these experiences be anal sex, oral sex, inviting more people into the bedroom, the introduction of toys, role playing, etc. – experimenting is recommended in the bedroom to keep things exciting and to keep each other satisfied when 37

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things start to become redundant. Due to the high likelihood that long term couples will become stagnant in the bedroom, experimenting gives you both the comfort of trying new things and seeing what the other person finds desirable and what the other doesn’t. Step 7 talks about oral sex and the importance of participating in oral sex for both the male and females. Many females lack the reciprocation of oral sex from the male for a multitude of reasons, this chapter describes some of those reasons and why the issue is so prevalent. The chapter also talks about why it is so important that both parties equally perform oral sex on one another. Step 8 goes over foreplay and other forms of foreplay. Foreplay is often overlooked and seen as almost a pain. Most couples nowadays like to go right to the finale; intercourse itself. What a lot of men don’t realize is how difficult it is for a woman to climax without foreplay and clitoral stimulation. This chapter goes over pleasuring a woman during foreplay using several different techniques and compliments the previous chapter on the importance of oral sex and the different techniques described in the chapter. The final step, step 9, talks about the act of intercourse itself. Intercourse can be a cold, emotionless act if done without a combination of foreplay, oral sex and other actions or it can be one of the most pleasurable experiences of individuals lives. Sexual intercourse is the finale, the buildup, the dessert of the meal – it should be regarded as such. This step talks about how, if done too often, sexual intercourse can lose its desire and excitement and become almost like a chore. Keeping your sex life unpredictable, exciting and full of new ideas is the key to having a fulfilling and pleasurable sex life.

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The Kama Sutra has a lot of relevant and interesting quotes throughout, relating to modern day society while also incorporating mostly ancient theories and techniques. Most of the outdated techniques are the views on women in the society and how the male has most of the control over the woman, if she strays, and how to make sure she keeps the man happy. As far as the sexual positions and oral sex techniques, the Kama Sutra has a very modern approach, a lot of which is still practiced today in bedrooms all across America and the developed world. What is interesting about the Kama Sutra is the emphasis on control. We all have the ability to control our lives yet so many of us believe things to be out of our control. Take control and follow these nine steps to gain the sexual fulfillment you so desire. “Life necessitates three kinds of activity: to assure its survival, its means of existence, and its nourishment; to realize its reproduction according to forms of activity generally connected with sexuality; and, lastly, to establish rules of behavior that allow different individuals to perform their roles within the framework of the species. In human society, this is represented as three necessities, three aims of life: material goods (artha) assure survival; erotic practice (kama) assures the transmission of life; and rules of behavior, a moral nature (dharma), assure the cohesion and duration of the species. (The Complete Kama Sutra, translated by Alain Danielou, 1994)”

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