Widowhood The Severe Liminality Of Women

Krishna Prasad Pokhrel Thapathali Campus, Thapathali.

WIDOWHOOD: THE SEVERE LIMINALITY OF WOMEN Abstract: Society itself transforms in the form of social devices so as to control, regulate and adjust human behaviour. Human needs are the potential elements and always initiate to the evolution of any forms of social organization or institution. Human life as translated in terms with an understanding the meaning of human existence, its needs and interests is an outcome of a cultural scheme. Widow culture as built upon the ver y foundation on the ideolog y of patriarchal sex system must have emerged out to meet the ancient societal need. The liminal state of women called widowhood, still has the great effect on the lives of modern society. Due to certain fallacies of this culture, women and men are treated differently. In this context, this paper deals about the liminal state of widowhood and man-woman relationships in the institution.

Introduction: Women and men are treated differently in most societies, and much of the research we examine would be found in addressing this differential treatment in their everyday lives within the context of particular structural or institutional arrangements. Widowhood as a cultural phenomenon is considered as old as the institution of marriage. Widowhood, therefore, is a by-product of a cultural practice known as marriage. Simultaneously, it is a cultural construct that built upon the very foundation of sex-dynamism. The cultural phenomenon of widowhood in a patriarchal structural arrangement like the society of high caste Brahman is perceived to be the most severe customary practice. Because of the cultural notion of a Hindu wife as expected - no matter how young or old, should remain chaste and faithful to her husband even after his death. Shrestha (1998, p.129) asserts that, the higher the rank in the caste hierarchy, the more exacting the demand for chastity. Further, she is expected to lead a life in an austerity as well do penance in the memory of her late husband so as to remain in perpetual mourning. According to Renzetti & Curran (1999, p.174) widowed women have been outnumbered by five times than widowed men because of their low mortality rates than men. Women have a longer life expectancy than men. The life expectancy gap between the sexes had widened to 7.7 years by 1970 (ibid, p.341). The probability further ensures women to be widowed more in a way that, men often marry women of several years younger than themselves in such a patrilineal cultural arrangement. 1

Thus widowhood, as an inevitable cultural outcome of sex-system has been considered to be the very problematic issue among the high castes.

Ideological Structure of Liminality: According to Marshall, 1998, p.371, the term liminality as introduced by Charles Arnold van Gennep, refers to an intermediate ritual phase during initiation, in which initiates can be considered either sacred or potentially polluting to the main stream society because of their anomalous social position. With this definition, widowhood is considered to be a liminal state of women as a powerful social construct used to influence and control their behaviour. Women are considered the potential source of pollution. Religiously conceived notion of purity and pollution works on the body of women. This principle works through the cultural schemes premised upon a fundamental difference between male and female bodies regarding their vulnerability in incurring impurity through sexual intercourse. "In the case of intercaste sexual relation, a man incurs external pollution, which can be washed off easily, but a woman incurs internal pollution, which pollutes her permanently" (Dube, 2001, p. 163). Marriage and death of husband mark the important events in the life of women especially in the society of patrilineal high castes; the institution of marriage has been the central feature of all forms of human society. The ancient invention of marriage is seen reducing sexual competition among males. According to Darwin (as cited in Martin & Voorhies, 1975, p.148), marriage was interpreted as a cultural solution to sexual jealousy among males. Henceforth, marriage has been the major source of women's fragile life. It affects women in the various phases of her life. It makes them to enjoy a joyous life or it may lead to a sorrowful one. Through marriage, a woman as a bride is brought into a new household of strange surroundings, where she is bound to be confined within the walls of her lord. Consequently, she becomes isolated from her consanguineal family and at the same time she loses the right even to visit her natal home if uninvited and unescorted. Her movement is more or less restricted in the society. It is said that the duties of women begins with marriage and wifehood is considered as the ultimate end of womanhood. Marriage, in the case of women has been inseparably associated with her status. Marriage is regarded as the gateway to enter the reproductive life as it permits social approval for sexual relationship to the spouses. And it strictly emphasizes on virginity before marriage particularly to the females. It is because, women's sexuality is considered as the subject to strict control and therefore directed to one patriarchal agent. The great lawgiver Manu advocated as: Day and night women must be kept in dependence by the males of their families, and if they attach themselves to sensual enjoyments, they must be kept under one's control. Her father protects her in children, her husband protects her in youth, and her sons protect her in old age (cited by Sarasvati, 1984, p. 54)

Professor B. Malinowski observed women as the property of men as he remarked, the wife was regarded as the personal property of the husband as his slave 2

or chattel (cited by Prabhu, 2000, p. 146). Human society, in this vein, seeks women as a type of property that it becomes a legitimate product in the hand of man through marriage. A.R. Radcliffe-Brown characterized marriage as the means through which the husband and his kin group acquire rights in the wife. The two types of rights: in personam (rights in the wife's labour and domestic duties) and in rem (rights of sexual access) (cited by Moore, 1995, p. 64). It would be appropriate here to illustrate the concept of 'reification'. George Lukacs employed it to denote the process by which the social relationships become 'objects' that can be manipulated, bought and sold. Lukacs further observed that there was less reliance on moral standard and processes of communication to achieve societal integration; instead, there was more utilization of money, markets and rational calculations. As a result relationships were coordinated by exchange values and by people seeing each other as "things" (cited by Turner, 1999, p. 186). Marital relations are, thus, have become commodified and such commodified objects now have been the product of sex-dynamism in the capitalist patriarchy. Such relations, therefore, have become power relations - usually the power of husbands over wives. Henry Maine assumed that the culture of patriarchal dominance was evolved in ancient Greece and Rome, that emphasized a spiritual rather than physiological bond between parent and offspring and both women and children were reduced to the status of property manipulated by the eldest male (cited by Martin & Voorhies, 1975 p. 154) Simone de Beauvoir interpreted as humanity was to male and man defined woman not in herself but as relative to him; she was not regarded as an autonomous being (cited by Adams & Sydie, 2002, p. 493) Hindu system as one of the usual consequences of patriarchy, always seeks women and her well-being to be derived from her relationship to man. Her salvation is to be acquired through him. Jones (1974, p. 252) observed that her glory upon earth and her bliss in heaven and final emancipation depended upon her attitude to him, specially her obedience and devotion. Gautama (as cited in Manjushree, 1990, p. 39) declares women's dependence on men with regard to religious matters. However, Kautilya has accepted the full individuality of women (loc. cit.). As long as the practice goes, society offers honor to her in accordance with the status of her husband. Surveillance of the wife within marriage is regarded as necessary and repeatedly recommended in the classical texts. Narada Smriti quotes: Women are created for offspring; a woman is the field and a man is the possessor of the seed; the field should be given to whom who possess the seed (quoted in Dube, 2001 p.121).

The reason for, she is supposed to belong to him (husband) for time and eternity. The Hindu world view rules women to belong to her husband not only to his life she should remain as an ascetic widow in the name of her dead husband for her whole life and even for eternity too. It is therefore a Hindu wife regards her husband to the level of god as patiparameshwora. She does not dare to utter her husband's name publicly the sacred name of her god as to her faith. The real happiness of women is centered in her husband and therefore, to live without him is considered sin for her. The average 3

Hindu wife as Altekar (1999, p. 98) illustrated, would say if separated from her husband, she would desire neither pleasure nor prosperity nor heaven; she would prefer death to separation from him. Women therefore, cannot lead an independent life without her husband in such a male dominated patriarchal society. Hence, husband was for her a divine incarnation (Jayal, 1966, p. 41), a god that she got in her husband.

Normative Exertion of Liminality upon Women: "We are considered bad omens. We are excluded from all 'auspicious' events. We are expected to stay by ourselves. We are not treated as human beings with life, a body and emotions". - quoted by Chen, Martha Alter (Internet source, March, 2004) "…… it was when I lost my hair and had to wear a red sari that I realized for the first time what it was to be a widow. I spent days and days with tears constantly filling my eyes, but there was no way out ….[F]rom that time, I was supposed to live the life of an ascetic, observing several fasts a month, keeping various vows, restricting what I could eat and showing special piety in the worship of God. I had to be careful when I went out because the sight of a widow was supposed to bring ill luck. People used to tell me, "You must have sinned in your last birth. And this is the punishment meted out to you. Now, if you behave well and worship God devotedly in this birth, He will reward you in the next birth." - Anandibai Karve (quoted by Madan, T.N in Nanda B.R., 1976, p. 80)

These voices of widows as cited above are more enough to illustrate the vulnerability in their daily life. The economic, social, psychological and cultural life of these women is highly affected by this culture of widowhood. Especially in a Brahman community, widowhood is little noticed dimension of the most discrimination that women face. A man may grieve for his deceased wife, but a woman at her husband's death should face not only a personal loss further a major restructuring of her life. Widowhood is therefore a life-event which cuts-off former social roles and relationships that makes a widow to adjust herself into a new social environment. The widows are not allowed to wear fine and bright coloured (especially red) attire. She should wear only a single coarse clothing of plain white or dark color. She should eat only plain vegetarian food once in a day. She is regarded as an 'inauspicious' thing and therefore should not be exposed herself to people on auspicious occasions. People think it unlucky to see a widow's face before seeing other things in the morning and therefore a man may postpone his journey if he happens to encounter a widow at his sait (the time of departure). As a widow, a woman is devoid of reason to adorn herself. Thus, widowhood constitutes the greatest and saddest changes in the life of a woman. Death itself is an inevitable and extreme shock. The death of husband is a devastating blow. With the death of her husband, a woman's auspicious wifehood ends and immediately she falls under into the dreadful world of widowhood. The loss of husband according to Bankoff (quoted in Patil, 2000, p. 22) is felt more than any other loss and further it disorganizes a woman's life deeply. A widow is forced to

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change her habits of eating, sleeping, dressing and conversing. She is made to lead a miserable life that in every step, she has to face emotional trauma, social stigma, familial exploitation etc. The death of the husband marks a dramatic shift in the perception of the community towards the widow, as it becomes a transition from marital to a widowed status. Henceforth, she is forced to find a new support system, new sources of attachment and new social relationship so as to adjust her in the new status. Many a time, as Patil (2000, p. 30) advocates, a widow faces difficulty in adjusting to her new status because the social norms and taboos put her in most disadvantaged position, and restrict her social interactions. A piece of poem by Parekh, Nikhil (Google search, March, 2004) would illustrate more the condition of a Hindu wife at the demise of her husband. Here, the vermilion means as an auspicious symbol of respect and joy of a Hindu wife that she gets at her marriage by her husband. Without those two pinches of vermilion; she was ruthlessly ridiculed at every quarter of this conventionally acrid society; Without those two pinches of vermilion; she was treated worse than what people could have treated barbaric dogs on stray streets; ................................................................... O! Yes for once upon a time it was indeed those two pinches of vermilion glistening profound between her hair; that had granted her the status of an embellished queen; with this same society saluting her with loads of respect, While today she felt that the worst sin she had committed was to marry; for after her husband unfortunately quit his last breath; she had become the same treacherous word on everyone's mouth; which she forever wanted to forget; she had become just one another in the devastatingly augmenting list of "NEPALESE WIDOWS".

(The word 'NEPALESE' is replaced instead the word 'INDIAN')

Conclusions: After demise of her husband, a woman is left unprotected and uncontrolled. And her sexuality is considered threatful to the moral order and family lineage in the patriarchy. She is therefore, expected to lead a chaste, austere and ascetic life style. The reason for, she is to be neutered or unsexed and disfigured culturally and consequently depropertized. Widows in this process are defeminized and equally dehumanized. This is what we called the liminal state of women as evolved along with the growth of patriarchal sex system in the society, which has severe impacts on the life of women. 5

References: 1. 2. 3. 4. .5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17.

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