Week 3 Family Influences

Week 3 FAMILY INFLUENCES 1

OUTLINE OF THE COURSE • Eight week course: • • • • • • •

A Vision For The Family; Building Relationships; Family Influences; Love, Marriage And Communication; Guiding And Shaping; Taking Corrective Action; Keeping the Vision in Mind.

• A social reunion – some time after! • Opportunity to discuss issues and answer questions….

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Outside

Influences

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From a Young age children are

Affected

by different opinions

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OUTSIDE INFLUENCES

Drugs

Sexuality Music Money

Gender

Fashion

Race Food Religion Sport Art 5

TELEVISION • The average father spends three minutes a day in quality conversation with his children • The average mother spends five and a half minutes in quality conversation • One in three children under the age of six watch television for between two and 6 hours per day • One in three children under the age of three have a television set in their bedrooms 6

TELEVISION • Growing tendency for parents to use television as a babysitter • Damaging children’s verbal and behavioural skills • Think about what your children watch on TV • Just because aimed at children doesn’t make it helpful or healthy

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COMPUTERS • Virtual childminders • Not everything about computers is educational and good • Beware of what your children are doing online • Spend equal time playing with your children • Play fosters development of social, language and thinking skills

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TOP TIPS…. • Put computers in ‘public’ part of the house • Don’t let your children have a TV or computer in their bedrooms • Use a DVD player to record programmes that your children would enjoy • Watch TV with your child and be aware of what they like • Restrict time spent on the computer and vet games played and websites visited • Beware of social networking sites

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WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS… “What ever is true, noble, right, pure, whatever is lovely, admirable…..think on such things” Philippians 4: 8

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SCHOOL • Be grateful to teachers who give their best • School life has big influence on our children • Should get involved as much as possible • Class room help, parent committee, governing body • Be aware of material being used. What books are they reading?

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Our children’s Friends will have a great

Influence

on them

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WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS… “He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm” “….bad company corrupts good character”

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FRIENDS • Encourage our children to choose their friends wisely • We can choose friends for our children when they are very young • Gently educate them to be wise about friendships • Encourage friendship with those who reinforce your family values

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AND THE REST…. • Other adults • Parents of friends, child-minders, church children’s group leaders etc

• Extended family • Grandparents, aunts and uncles etc

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QUESTIONS • Who or what had the greatest influence on you when you were a child? • Was this a good thing or not? • One of the aims of this course is to help you equip your child to cope with these influences. Do you think that this is possible?

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Children are not just

Passive Receivers of outside influences, they

Active Responders are

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Transmitting

Values

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Our aim as Parents is to bring up children whose

Outward Expression of a Right Heart

lives are an

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What Values are you passing on to your

Children

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CONSCIENCE • Conscience is closely linked with the heart of a person • Understanding right from wrong • Shapes who we are – the core of our being • Innate framework that we fill with life’s experience and learning • God given!!! • …but we adapt and shape our value system • Our conscience holds our values as a priority

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THE VALUE LIBRARY • “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children” • We can fill the shelves of our children’s value library with good values….. • …..honesty, respect, fairness, gentleness, patience • Give them the resources to draw on when they have life choices to make

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VALUE SEARCH SYSTEM • Conscience in action!!! • Influencing daily decisions to ethical issues • Help to decide between right and wrong • Choose to do the right thing!!! • What is in the heart will come out in difficult situations • Fill your child’s Value Library - plenty for them to draw on when their value search system comes into play

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HONESTY • Honesty is very powerful in building strong, healthy relationships • Without honesty – difficult to maintain a bridge of trust • A value we want to build into our children • Well worth working at but it starts with us • In early years we direct children by using negatives • From 3 onwards important to change to positive shaping • Want them to choose to do the right thing

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A HEALTHY CONSCIENCE • “I ought to do this because it is right” • How do we develop a healthy conscience in our children? • Let them know they are loved unconditionally • Respond to bad behaviour by correcting rather than making them feel guilty • Explain the reasons for good and strong values • Give them confidence to make good decisions – based on the desire to do the right thing

• We have to demonstrate good decisions through our actions – not just talk!!!

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WHAT ABOUT CHURCH • Church can be a positive influence in developing a healthy conscience! • Positive role models • Use Bible stories – can help with moral decisions • Pray with your children – for them and with them • Come to church as a family • Encourage your children to have a relationship with God

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DISCUSSION • Are you aware of the values you grew up with – both positive and negative? • What part do they play in your adult life? • What values are you putting in your child’s heart and how are you doing that? • Think about your own conscience – is it healthy? Do you respond because of guilt or because something is the right thing to do? • Do you think a healthy conscience is a good thing? Why? 27

TAKING IT FURTHER • Book some time to reflect: • Sit quietly; • Have a cup of coffee; • Discuss with your partner – or friend;

• Read Chapters 5 and 6 from the Handbook; • Complete Pages 30 and 31; • Feel free to bring observations back next week.

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