Tpn #15 Cover

æ The Ten Page News Number 15 the ten page news number fifteen we turned one year old sometime in the last month or two we were too busy to notice fourteen issues in a year is pretty good for a monthly in our opinion especially when we started out as a quarterly we do seem to be slowing down though time will tell our beloved muse shauna also has a birthday this month shell be mumbledymumble years old on october twentyninth keep those cards and letters coming the ten page news number fifteen october nineteenninetyseven publisher owen thomas pee oh bee nine six five one columbus ohio four three two oh nine you ess a editor vlorbik at delphi dot com copyright the integral of e to the ex power is equal to eff of you sub en pubs limited aitch tee pee pee colon slash slash people dot delphi dot com slash vlorbik rates sixtyfour cents a copy five dollars for a nineissue subscription comical tip gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme that there white tip paragraph union intersection is a subset of minusplus union for all minusplus vertical rule composed with intersection punctuation by vlorbik it has come to my attention that certain authorities actually support the omission of the serial comma ive always felt that people who wrote in what is apparently the standard example red white and blue for red white and blue were careless or illinformed i now learn to my horror that the comma before the and in such a series has long been abandoned by newspaper editors harper dictionary of contemporary usage william and mary morris sure enough the new york times manual of style and usage sez in general do not use a comma before and in a series unless the other elements of the series are separated by semicolons automobiles buses and trains were stalled have you ever seen anything so stupid in your life what were these tonedeaf barbarians thinking of listen buses and trains now try automobiles buses and trains you can hear the comma its really there doing it their way makes it sound like automobiles buses and trains ive always hated this ugly mistake but it had never even occurred to me that anybody might actually recommend it never mind require it the kings english aitch doubleyou ampersand eff gee fowler says that the removal of the comma makes so little difference that it is an open question amoung compositors whether it should be used or not as if the existence of differing points of view implies that the question is unimportant try this abortion of the fetus makes so little difference that it is an open question among citizens whether it should be allowed or not and anyway what the heck is a usage manual for come on guys take a side wilson folletts modern american usage has a nice long article four pages on the subject clearly in favor of the correct usage of the reasons for omitting the comma only one is cogent the saving of space in the narrow width of a newspaper column this saving counts for more than elsewhere which is why the omission is so nearly universal in journalism folletts also discusses a few examples, but for my money theyre all needlessly complicated my favorite example comes from arthur dee hlavatys zine deragoatory reference number seventynine i would heartily recommend teresa nielsen haydens making book she can write fascinatingly about the serial comma pointing out that its ab-

sence led to the remarkable book dedication to my parents ayn rand and god this example should be decisive who cares if its probably apocryphal there are other references to serial commas in dee arr the editor works as a temp and freelance copy editor and likes to complain of his pet peeves with bad software and sloppy writers i just figured this was one we had in common i cant get over it its as if i had learned of a society whose customs required people to pick their noses in public im grateful to misti crow and alden scott crow for bringing this revolting state of affairs to my attention their onepage monthly grammar cue ampersand a is available for the asking send a stamp from pee em cee communications box one nine four eight fair oaks california nine five six two eight tell em vlorbik sent you gimme that gimme that gimme that gimme that gimme that there white tip blue car blue car an autobiography part one owen thomas i finally got a learners permit at age nineteen in thousand oaks where id been living like a hermit on coffee pot and rum and cokes now back in school a lack of patience for classes during my vacations had kept me out of drivers ed but something had to give i said of course id rather do things my way and walk or thumb or ride my bike but i cant have things as id like this californias one big highway its best to take things as they are id better learn to drive a car and so my then best friend bob shaffer agreed to bring me up to speed i know a car that you could pay for ill teach you everything you need but what about repairs dont panic this car was owned by a mechanic its in great shape it runs just fine it sounded like that classic line the only owner was some granny who never drove but bob was right i got the car that very night a sixtythree pushbutton tranny plymouth valiant not much rust it turned out worthy of my trust i made a hundred dollar payment and owed another then id bought it breaking up the debt this way meant i could pay with ease i thought but then my boss at howard johnsons whose every word was arrant nonsense said although it pains me i have got to let you go goodbye i thought i knew his secret reason id worked there for about a year and paid vacations cost them dear its always bellboy shafting season so even though i had enough to make the payment it was rough gimme that there gimme that there gimme that there white tip zineage indy ana jones i wrote to some of the distros in last months indy unleashed ampersand am buried in zines look for another eye you soon meanwhile here are a few ive been meaning to get around to reviewing for a long time damn number two is sixteen halfsize pages of grim ampersand gritty writing by six authors with unclassifiable illustrations by four artists the longest piece ampersand one of the best is the jay mans story what the bell means the jay man publishes the jay man times reviewed in tee pee en number twelve but my favorite by far is ashlys the man with the longest arms in the world in rhymed couplets theres a nonfiction article by editor brian johnson on a sixteenth century torture victim ampersand shortshort stories of madness ampersand violence by anthony alba em cee mcdonald kenn pell ampersand steve skeates its definitely not for all tastes in fact its not really for mine but all the writing is good ampersand i enjoyed it surprisingly well the same editor also publishes the zinereview zine funhouse reviewed in eye you number one one dollar and an age statement brian johnson eleven werner road greenville pee a one six one two five dash nine four three four damn pulling teeth from the

jaws of death adults only number two one point zero zero dollars the a journal for people who write and read palindromes palindromist number two winter nineteennintysix political palindromes centerfold john agee a great new palindromist cartoons puzzles and seventytwo new original palindromes illustration by paul tee olson but that probably wont reproduce the palindromist number two winter nineteenninetysix is not surprisingly a journal for people who write and read palindromes this issue has a lot of politically themed dromes the opening single quote cum apostrophe is in the original from the short gems taft fat ampersand not nil clinton to more exotic offerings like rot aid al gore hero gladiator theres a featured palindromist john connett the author of such masterpieces as eva can i stack rods fatass dork cats in a cave ampersand a column on books including ess wordrows forthcoming i love me volume one its amazing what people can come up with while were on the subject