The Sex And The Vampire

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The Sex and the Vampire A short novel by Ada Taropa

1.Lock, stock and barrel I had a decent job at a local university, silk stocking and a weekly trip to my hair dresser. So I guess I could have been called a happy, normal, middle class Caucasian female, with a pinch of new age religion and a dash of “experience” – translated nowadays in “almost 30-ish” feel about me. Well, I must admit that generally I tried to hide my age and that always it was a treat when some well mannered youth offered to guess my age around 25 and not 28 and a half – which is exactly where I was at the point when my story begins. It all started – as they say – in the Eve of Christmas. I was hosting a class at the university about ancient Greece and worshiping rituals, when I was approached at the end by a startling stranger. -Miss Nora Wild? He asked in a soft manner, as if he posed that question a hundred times before in exactly the same tone. -Yes. And you are? I thought at a first distant glance that he was one of my students, so tall and dark, so commonly fashionable and delicious, typical for the young men these days, like candies freshly wrapped, ripe for the picking –see this kind of thinking will get you fired as a teacher- I thought furious for a second, definitely the wrong job if these urges persist. Does not matter to others that these were 20 something people – they were someone’s kid, yet. So hands off Nora! Get a grip! But as he approached my desk, I finally got to see in the lights that my assistant turned on after my slides and class finished, that the exquisite skin of his face was white and pure as the snow outside, drawing a sharp contrast with his dark, compelling hair that fell on his shoulders. Green, impossibly green pupils set in an almond shaped eye, watched me from a most sensual pink mouth, slightly upturned at one corner. Shit! I thought. Vampire!

-Constantinos. He bowed slightly, like they usually do – show off! -Just Constantinos? Like Madonna? No second name? -No second name, I’m afraid my lady. We old ones, tend to go by old rules. -Yes, I read that. I know. – stutter…better get to the point, don’t show him that you ogle his shirt. Or what it’s underneath. I wonder how he feels…. -Nora…, may I call you that? -Yes. Sure. -Nora, he repeated again with a more sweet inflexion to it. I came tonight to one of your classes because I was hoping to enlist your aid. -Ha! could not keep the surprise jump out. My help? What on earth do you guys need help with, when you can fly, and bespel…- I was better of quiet, making a fool of myself already. Who, me?- hm, right? I asked arranging my voice. Suffice to say that as a teenager I was beyond unsecure. I was shy and somewhat Emo and a best friend’s nightmare, I still carried a load of emotional baggage that even my therapist could not make me let go, and I had a few extra kilos in the mirror that would never let me lose the sentimental rollercoaster I carried with me like a snail shell. Obviously the whole thing with the supernatural beefcakes walking around had not been to my advantage, and since they became legal and “outed” in all of Europe, my love life- dash- bar nights, have turned in either running like hell of embarrassment or drooling like a sclerotic lapdog on a Sunday nap. He looked slightly amused by my earlier comment, anyhow they say you really never know what they think unless they let you see it, so I must have been funny to him right then, because he threw the most dashing and heartbreaking smile at me. My knees gave and if they weren’t cased in my skin you probably could have heard them shatter against each other. God! What a site! A totally gorgeous vampire, who could have been the poster boy of the undead, stood 2 meters from me….not menacing and fanged like they show you in those church oriented protests, but hunky looking and ….strangely inviting. Is this how it is to be bespeled? I asked myself. Wow, momma! Bring it on! But hey, they did say that it’s illegal and you were not supposed to do it, probably for this reason – making a fool out of a decent person, not to mention church going – and besides, I knew it was not quite that since the tattoo on my wrist did not burn. Yeah! They made us – teachers – get a holly tattoo or something, so we could not be under the influence of the undead when teaching kinds how to be upstanding citizens…something to do with morals and future laws… like a 300 year old vamp could or would get interested in the future opinions and life choices of John Doe, presently 22 years old philosophy student. But hey, yes I admit that someday he could be passing new laws on the supernatural growing community of vamps, and just in case the EU would want to

throw Dracula to the wolves, so to speak, they wanted to be sure now one was… using. -Well Nora, nice of you to say so, but we do have our problems, as I am sure you know from the press. Yeah, they did have the press on them, but hey can you blame them, vamps were the most interesting news, the best gossip for the masses since bread came sliced. Bye-bye Bradgelina, if you had a domestic violence or a Springfield episode featuring one of the fanged citizens, you got ratings baby! -Yes I was aware of that. But still, …mister Constantinos. -Please, no mister. I thought we were making friends here. He gently smiled, flashing a bit of fang. Wow, that was one of my first. Up close, I mean. Usually I stayed well away of the “V” establishments. Never bothered me to find out exactly why, but I just did not play well with the uber-endowed. -Ok, Constantinos. Now that we got the niceties out of the way – I was feeling a bit like myself – what brings you here? -I read of your class in the Weekly Prague magazine and it seems to me that your studies may have approached you of an ancient sect of Wiccans from Greece that activated in the Chalkidiki area. I am most interested in your work and would like to petition you for a more detailed study of them. A personal study. -Petition? -Yes. I would like to … hire you as my historian. -Your historian? ok I was beginning to sound like one of those teenage girlfriends who argues by repeating everything back. So much for my new found calm. -Please, Nora, allow me to explain it at dinner. He approached one more step and gazed at me like Bamby. Could you say no to that? I fought the urge to ask again “dinner”, and simply concentrated and said, to my own disbelief: -Very well. I am intrigued. Shall we set it for after the first?- this had to be good. At least I would have something to tell all my girlfriends, even though some of them went well beyond the third base with a vamp. -If I may be so bold, may I inquire what are you doing this evening? -his shirt opened just a bit as he took that last step up, so I could glimpse a pale smooth chest, curved under the lines of his muscles. Did he do that on purpose?

- Read you were from abroad, so I took the liberty of thinking that perhaps you did not have most important plans tonight, and it would bring me great pleasure to have you with me. -he said those last words like they were dirty and for him meant totally different things. Gee! Did he try to seduce me? Right! -Well… No. I do not have plans. But are you sure… -Nonsense.-he cut me short. Nora. Let us be on our way- he handed me the coat gentlemanly – and we will have an interesting evening. – good to know someone was sure. I was not so happy about the whole “on the spot” deal and my stomach will keep me accountable for this, but I could not back away. Perhaps from the hand gently layer on my back, or the black expensive car in the parking lot, or the totally empty apartment waiting for me at home. I was totally taken with the tall, fashionably dark stranger. So who cared if he had fangs, eat of donors and died every morning? He was the most gorgeous piece of ass I saw in a decade and I made my courage rise out of its grave….no pun intended.

2.The thing about boys By the time we were half way to the restaurant, I was beginning to wonder how I smelled. I took a shower in the evening…but hey these guys are supposed to have dog noses. So my mind started to over count on how many body parts did I have in need of “repair”. Then my hands got all sweaty, then my conversation faltered and finally he turned and said, with a gentle smile: -Nora, do I make you uncomfortable? I can not help noticing that you are nervous. Ups. That was a mistake. At least in my book. Now I would really be nervous. His hair was spilled artistically over his trench collar and the occasional fluid movements of his hands on the steering wheel made for an interesting show of elegance. I simply could not believe I was there in the car with him. And what really startled me, was noticing at one point that he was even so gently, flirting with me! And all I could think of, was that I wanted to take him in my arms and roll him over my skin. No fear, no second thoughts! Hey, I mean, hey they were supposed to be dangerous and deadly! And I used to think that no matter what amount of laws they implement, sooner or later there’s still gonna be a conflict of interests, right? Even if their numbers were restricted and they needed special license to make a new

vampire. What did I care?-I finally thought. Short of him munching at my carotid, this is going to be interesting ….and appealing. I tried reassuring him that all was ok and after a short while we finally got in one piece to the establishment. The restaurant was nice and elegant, full of loud and happy couples and families that instantly turned their attention to us but since we had a booth totally covered in red velvet and far away from the music, I guess you could say “Touché!” It must have hit me just after we sat down, but what do you really talk to a vampire about? For now I was saved, because we dived right into the Greece and lecture stuff. It turns out that his parents – yeah, mortal parents from a couple of hundred years ago – were from there and they were involved with the cult I was researching, exactly at the time of his…disappearance. So he wanted me to turn my antennas in that direction and find out as much as possible. Good. That will give us at least a couple more dates. Dates? Ok, not dates, meetings. So by the time I finished my dinner – he had a cup of hot water with which he warmed his cold fingers – we drifted effortlessly into a fun little discussion about today’s young vampires roaming the world. -You know I don’t agree with them, so this voting thing is not for me. I would much rather embrace a beautiful woman, enjoy a winter night by the fire… - his words got that dirty tone again, like he was declaring things to be hidden in the dark or promising dangerous games. My flirt detector joyously flashed to life. He was bringing out the cat in me. -Winter. My favorite season. – I tried to make myself appealing. -Lucky you then. It looks like snowing all week, so allow me to invite you Wednesday to a sleigh ride in the outskirts of the park. I promise to bring blankets and hot red wine. -he whispered looking over his perfect eyelashes. Of course that the universe plotted just then to make the musician finish his romantic piano sonata, Constantinos to gently lean over the intimate table towards me and my belly to grumble in the most long, loud and un-feminine manner I have ever witnessed. To say that I was mortified would not cover it. My cheeks burst into flames, my eyes watered of embarrassment and by breath totally stopped in my throat, about as abruptly as Constantinos’s approach in what would have probably been a romantic kiss. No way, I thought! This is not fucking happening to me! Not now! Not with him! I grinned, playing the “I don’t know what just happened, but it wasn’t me, I swear!” game and began following the detailed embroidering on the tablecloth. I wanted the floor to literally open up and drag me to the depths of the earth, or anywhere away from vampires with super-hearing, cause I knew that he heard me. And worst yet, I knew that he knew that I know. Was I sounding a bit Seinfield-ish?

-I love the way you blush. Makes your eyes sparkle. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, he totally elegantly saved the moment! But seriously, who would call that “sparkle”? Didn’t care actually, so I just took it with the total lack of elegance of a teenager: -Why mister Constantinos, someone from outside would say that you are flirting with me. – was he seriously doing that after just hearing my personal version of The Traviata? -I was hoping that you will notice it, Nora. Good God, he was charming me! What do I do? What do I do? Quick! …Total blank, so I just stared at him and smiled big and stupid. He must have noticed by now that I was a moron, right? Finally, we laughed at some other comments from the press, set the date for our next “meeting” and floating like a virginal powder-puff, I let him drive me home and walk me old-fashionly – for me at least- to the door. He was leaning against the wall, again flashing that smooth expand of chest to me, and it did nothing for my concentration, except probably making me not hear a word he was saying. Then I did the most shocking thing in a decade: I reached on my tiptoes and kissed him. Wait, did he just pull back? He did. What I envisioned for two hours as a passionately returned consummation of my mouth…transformed like the frogprince, into a chaste brush of lips. Almost brotherly. What the fuck? I thought. -I must depart tonight on other business, and I apologize, but I will be looking forward to our next meeting and I sweetly bid you goodnight. – he kissed my hand, ignored my shamed look and smiled just as charmingly as before, as he turned on the hall with an elegant wave of his hand and disappeared. I was stunned but I could not blame him, so I just took the positive part of the evening and his last sentence thinking that maybe he was an old fashion gentlemen so I opened my door and began getting ready for bed. Yes, you guessed right. The universe had an alternate ending to my night. I’ll just skip to the part where I was standing in front of my bathroom mirror preparing to brush my teeth and I noticed a green piece of something the must have been salad, cozily showing off at every parting of lips. And between the “Oh, no no, oh my God!” and the mirror… a dandy smell of Italian aromatic garlic, floated from between my lips. Of course I immediately called my best friend, who knew exactly what to say to make me feel better: “Common Nora, maybe he does not have that good of a nose. Maybe he just did not feel it.” I started to imagine what he would think of the Hulk in my mouth, cause the “maybe he didn’t see that well” was not going to float my boat this time. Sweet Jesus!

So this was the reason for the lack of kisses and embraces! If he ever talks to me again, I’ll declare him mentally damaged.

3.A rose, by any other name When you unplug your phone, it’s usually a sign of cowardliness. When you jump at every door knock, it goes beyond therapy need. I never was that much of a scaredy cat, even in the face of ultimate danger, like root canal or annual flue inoculation -without which I would be sick as a puppy- I always stood my ground…since I knew I would not escape it. But this time whit a guy involved, and a superembarrassment episode in the face of uber-male Constantinos, my wings just flopped, like fried Twinkies. I think no amount of make-up in the world would ever make me feel like a real woman again. I mean….man! Look at all those skinny, high heel, blond haired, Barbie faces… sluts out there. I bet they had no problem properly ingesting their meals without a dive-marker like mine was last time. And, ok, I know not all of them have loose morals, but I so felt like selling my soul in exchange of charms and elegance. I permanently felt like a “beginning of the storyCinderella” with no fairy God-mother or carriage at my disposal, even if I had a plastic card to provide the dresses. Oh boy, I tell you, these super-hot vamps mingling in everybody’s social life have not been an easy burden to carry for most of the eligible bachelorettes in town. Hell, in the world. They look like supermodels dash rock-stars dash “TV mysterious, 300 year old guy who’s pain shows in those baby green eyes making him more delicious” … ok that last part was probably for a few selected vamps, like Constantinos. Breathe girl! I had to get out of these four walls. So I grabbed my BFF Amelia and headed for a late coffee at Starbucks. I should just, get over him, it, the….whatever- my friend told me a hundredth time - and carry on with my vacation. She was right. I mean, it’s not like every day you get to test the church’s edit on yourself. Yeah, the one with “Thou shall not suffer vampires in your bed” stuff. -I was worried for a while that something bad had happened to you. But then I remembered that these nowadays young girls tend to…behave different. -his velvety voice said with him leaning just a bit toward our table. Get a grip and just say something, anything! And ignore Amy stumping your leg under the table!

-Why, first of all that’s so nice of you to worry Constantinos. Second, - I grinned – nobody called me a “young girl” in quite a while…. – I lost my trail of thought, what was I about to say? Amy jumped in and saved me, when she saw my neurons diminishing by the second. -Would you like to sit with us? We were terribly bored anyway. – she winked at me! Winked, I tell you! -Thank you, I will. - he elegantly accepted as if this was precisely his destination. And you are miss? -Amelia, but friends call me Amy. Whoa! When did that smile of hers get that much face into it? Jealous? Who me? -Amy then, it’s so nice to meet some of Nora’s friends. I am Constantinos. - he slightly bowed his head. -Oh, I know who you are. –she did not miss a beat, did she? -Has Nora been that impressed with me? - he smiled at me. At me! -Well, besides all the magazines that name you representative of this city’s vampire league and plaster your latest photos all over their covers… let’s just say that yes, I know you. I was just telling Nora how helpful you were last week with the hostage situation from downtown. -Nice to see ones publicity pay off for a change. – I swear I just saw him gaze at me. But since I was not saying anything, Amy thought best to kick me again in the shines. -Do you have a short for Constantinos? -Yes, do you? – I mumbled, trying to find my interest point, besides his neck showing in his open coat. -Why would I need it my dear?-he said to me. The longer the name, the better chance I have to enjoy saying it. - he started leaning closer to me, as if trying to take a bite. For example, if your name would have been, say…Amalthia, -he added a foreign feel to it- I would take every opportunity to roll it off my tongue in the most sensuous way possible and get closer to you while I did this. – he did get closer to me, but suddenly with something that looked like a nose wrinkle, se quickly backed away, forgetting to smile. What did I do now? God damn it, I hated my name!

-Hm! I just remembered I thing I have to do at home, sorry Nora. -What? - I was delaying. -Nice meeting you Constantinos. - with that added dramatic inflexion so nicely demonstrated before to us. Call you tonight girl. – she said laughing away from the table. -I’ll help you with the coat, and maybe you would like to take a walk with me in the park. Did he just pretend like he did not play Samantha? For the love of my phobia and my future spinster denomination, I had to open my mouth and ask. -What happened? Were you pulling a face on me? -Yes. – he simply replied, turning on the most neutral face I ever saw. -I know it’s not what you’re expecting me to say, but…why? - I was beginning to get angry. Who did he think he was? Super-vamp? -I must apologize. My behavior may seem rude, but since I did not spent such a lengthy time in the company of normal women, my manners appear to be, how do you say it? …Rusty. I meant no offence. -But? -But, …you smell. -I smell? -Your perfume is so strong, for my senses at least, that I cannot stand it in close quarters. I have never been particularly enamored with vanilla even before…, but now it simply overwhelms me. I apologize again. In that – again – awkwardly silent moment, my stomach growled like an angry kitten denied milk. Well, what more proof do you want? God is a man! He laughed in that delicious voice of his and just when I thought I was undone and could not take more of it, he gentlemanly offered me my coat, whispering next to my ear: -I still love the way you blush at me. Nora. Shall we? God most definitely was a man!

4.Much ado about fangs -Monday at 7.00 manicure, Tuesday it’s hair day, Thursday I have a facial and a body scrub at 20.00, Friday nails and wax…what’s missing? I was going over the list of girl activities in my kitchen, over a second hot cup of coffee with milk. -Sunday, implants? –she laughed. -This is not even remotely funny Amy! Do you have any idea how much I work for this…dates? Was I cranky today! -As a matter of fact, yes I do. I am there with you almost every time you prep yourself, and I know for a fact that you didn’t used to live at the dresser’s either. -It’s a delicate matter. He is so… observant! -You mean “he is a vampire and smells every fart and sees all my zits” observant. -Amy! There is no reason to be mean to me! – I was agitated and it showed. -Sorry, sorry. I just can’t notice how much this affects you, that’s all. – she gave me that elegant shrug that only tall blonds can do. Boy did I have a thing with Mother Nature! -And you’re saying that you would not be marked for the rest of your life if you spent half your time at a restaurant with salad between your teeth? Or knowing that he felt garlic on your breath all night long, like some cheap Hollywood vampire convention! Or realizing that your vanilla perfume sickens him so much that he can’t stand in the same room with you! Because you have tacky tastes and you’re an ignorant! – I was pissed off. I liked it, made me feel strong. -Is that what he told you? – she seemed horrified. -No. No. This is mine. I… -Nora! – God, did she have my mom’s angry voice, or what? -No, I am right, and you know it. Everything is more…intense with him. For God’s sake, he is, he really is a real vamp, with super senses that can smell my underwear a mile away if he wants. - So not wanted to know that!

Yeah, I got her here! She was a good looking hottie, but as soon as Amy faced something more “anything” than her, she bailed! Could not take the challenge of dating a supernatural being, better than her in everything. -But it’s the truth! You ask me why I go crazy and overdue this body thing. This is it! If you can’t look clean and perfect for your vampire lover, than who are you gonna impress? -Maybe normal guys? – she crossed her arms in a “I know better” look. -Could you really turn him down? Could you go back to tofu, after roast stake? –I loved the irony here. -…Mmm…Yes. Sorry, but yes. If he is this super-duper person and this puts so much stress on you, yes, I say dump him. Look at you! It’s like a nowadays Cinderella without magic, trying to charm the mother-fucking King of Prince Charmings. It’s gonna get outta hand, and you know it. You can’t keep up with the “Lords of Darkness” crap. – she used googled terms! Ha! She’d been reading up on this. -I’m not sure I can do it. I can’t just let him slip away and wonder for the rest of my life if this might have been something. -That is so romantic, it’s not you! What happened with old Nora? -I discovered that my stomach does loud noises when I am nervous? -Ha, ha, ha! And what you doing about that? -I changed my diet and took up yoga. The overdrive, overdone, over the top, look on her face made me scour in shame. I knew I was a shame to all the feminists out there. I knew I horrified a lot of church going mothers. But hey, I just could not get out of my mind the visual images of pecks and abs and fangs. All in the same package. Bad teacher, no cookie!

So after much noise and running around after lingerie and a new perfume in a perfect girl afternoon, we were heading home again to brag and try out the bootie. Later I would prepare a bath and read a book, try to relax until I would have to face my fears again, wrapped in a pretty baggage with a Greek bow on top. The evening went on pleasantly, Amy finally got tipsy before I called a cab for her and the magic hour of midnight crept closer finding me preparing me for bed, after an exhausting day. And just then, my phone rag, like they say in those movies “ominously” – I love that word. A restraint and well known voice greeted me on the other side. My skin instantly got goosebumps and my heart skipped a beat.

-I know it’s unexpected. But I am afraid I must present my request tonight, in person. May I see you?- his velvety tone was engulfing my senses, like I knew it would. There was no escape. -Yes. Sure. When? – was there any other answer? -Now. – click – the cell went dead in my hand. And within seconds, a wind I never knew beat my apartment windows, opened the curtains to reveal a dark shadowy presence. -Wow! This is so ‘60’s movies! – could you say something smart Nora! I mean a guy wants to impress you, ok, ok, in a creepy vampire manner, and you compare him to Bella Lugosi. Grow up! Still, that made for a startling apparition. My knees got wobbly again. -Sorry if I scared you. I just felt this urge to pass by your place tonight, even if our official date is only tomorrow. I thought it’s time to impress you more, since you seem to resist me so well, my sweet lady. He stepped closer, slowly, as a cat follows a bird in the grass, probably not to frighten me, but the thoughts chasing my mind were anything but scary. I could see his face in the soft bedroom light, and the utterly serious expression imprinted in his green, green eyes. -I think it’s called shame. I was actually hoping you’d forget all those accidents… and-Don’t be silly. I like you because and in spite of them. And I would want to find out just how much I can make you enjoy me in return. – closer still, slowly carefully. I was frozen in the middle of my room, unable to think at the fact that maybe it was a dangerous game I was playing, with one of the most unpredictable beings on earth. The vampire. - I think it’s kinda late for that. – I whispered. He was so close now, I could feel his breath on my neck, ever so slightly leaning into me. -What on earth do you mean…miss Nora? – the mesmerizing voice said to me. His hands finally got their prey, and I possessed no desire to escape their embrace. I felt his fingers, lightly caressing my spine, over my t-shirt and I sighed. -I already enjoy you,…excessively, mister Constantinos.

I could sense his heat on my skin. His embrace grew tighter and seeing that I did not protested at all, he laid a series a small, slow kisses on my face, all the way to my lips. -As I, you. – he whispered on my lips. So he was an old fashion gentleman, but only on the surface. If you stripped his restraint away, a very modern and urgent need to touch gave way. Like they say: ‘All is fair, in love and war’- and must have been true 300 years ago too. His lips pressed mine in a more urgent manner, like eating at them, gently biting, gently sucking as his hand found a quick short way underneath my t-shirt and over my bare skin. His embrace tighten still and as I opened my lips to utter a girlish yelp of surprise, he gently licked his way in, drinking my sounds and moans. What a dream! What a rush! I could sense him on my tongue, a salty, coppery taste I could not place at all, but seemed familiar in a strange way…like…like… My breath stopped in my chest and a small rush of panic flew over all the places his hands were embracing passionately: BLOOD, he tasted like freshly drawn blood!

5.Facts, Fiction and Fiends -So they have…baths, and psychologists, not the shrinks stuff but like real doctors and medicine and even signed consent pages and stuff. It’s ridiculous I tell you. God forbid you sign any thou, you might just find yourself not being able to walk out the door. Girls night again. Me and Amy were discussing over some unfortunate bottle of an anonymous expensive wine Constantions brought for me last time. He loved me tipsy. Said I made him laugh. Wonder why. -You joking? – she stirred up on the couch gazing a bit too deep in my eyes. -Na-ha! If you are found out to be a “hater”, they pass your ass over to the state clinic. I tell you, for all the good it did, I am so freaked out by those guys and their cards and blood tests. I think I had my fill. -So did they say that…you were like cured? -Cured? Of what? Do you see me sick? – she kept insisting on this ridiculous idea that I needed help. Splitting help, if you catch my drift.

-I did not mean that and you know it. But…how come you don’t wanna go to therapy any more? - she raised sluggishly her eyebrows. -Let’s just say that I had enough. I know my vamp history….ok, ok, in general. Those guys have HUGE libraries full of accounts and letters and deeds, birth certificates and wills. I just grabbed a beginner’s course with the major events, wars and personalities... -Do they have Dracula there? -Shut up! Don’t be a tweet! You know he’s just a fictional character! -I had to be sure. – her face was ruby-red luminous. -Well, they got a site online for research and stuff. Why don’t you join and find out? – I tried to sound placating. -You kidding? They probably gonna be all over me, like Jehovah’s witnesses or something. -They are not going to eat you Amy! Stop this conspiracy theory. If you read online about them, they are not going to cull you, or such. – at time her attitude was not much above a ten year old. With braces. -After hearing about the fly stuff…. No chances, thank you! Amy was a bit shaken, I had to admit, but I was also beginning to wonder if worry was her only song. -But you already knew about that from TV. The same program you criticize every day, dear! -It’s totally different hearing and seeing on TV, and knowing the hubby of your BFF just dropped in on her window. God Nora! He could come in and kill you and… leave. – she was getting agitated. -Like hundreds of humans do? Only on the door? Yes. And besides, you know that they can DNA all vamps now. It was one of the conditions for their legal status. All vampires are registered, their council is happily accepted and respected in both communities and the police has complete control over their data base. So what is so different from a bunch of Japanese mob guys with Uzi’s? There are more human unidentified perpetrators, than mild attacks from vamps, these days. -Gee, you sure sound like brain washed! – never say that wine cools women. -Amy! -What exactly did you do in that clinic? - she got pissed.

Ok, so I guess she had a point. I was kinda pro-vamp these days. I started by talking with my therapist about the night visit and the blood stuff and even if Constantinos explained all the details of the blood donors and bars, as a healthy and sexy way of feeding in legality without killing, I still had problems with the entire concept. So my therapist recommended a new vamp sponsored, top of the line clinic which dealt with human-vampire couples and their problems. I could not ignore my own, so I started attending the meetings and the personal courses. They were a bit Jehovist, one can admit. All the classes included “A brief history in time of Vampire Influence on human Society” witch was of course a short, short, short intermingled wiew on how and which vampire personalities positively influenced present day nations. The original was a well guarded ton of papers currently under guard at a super-secret warehouse, from where all was computer transferred and analyzed by non other than: CIA, KGB, S…whatever, from all over the world. The Russians and Japanese were of course postponing their decision on weather or not to make vamps legal, on just what they were going to discover there. But other than that, my stay at The Clinic was interesting and full of dread. I was made to become friends with other vampires, albeit younger ones that my mysterious and charming Constantinos (for witch I could not find a nick-name for the life of me!) so I was in no danger of being more seduced or embarrassed by the “undead nation” as the Emo kids were calling them. Then I was thoroughly explained the know-how's of vamp body and digestive system and finally submitted to several therapeutic meetings psychologists and ….yes, you guessed, “humanvampire sexual interaction” experts! -It was totally gross! – I explained Amy later into the bottle, laughing out heads off. I was shown molds of dicks and vaginas, and fangs! By this time we landed on the floor, spilling some of the red wine on my pretty cream carpet. -Even went so far as to explain why cunnilingus was not recommended, since nicking one’s vein could be mortal! More hysterical laughs. I had of course no idea if it was the wine or the thought of that councilor’s stern face, explaining so seriously about pussy and sex. -Why? – Amy asked in a daze, growing serious by the moment. -Well,- I said wiping my last tear away-, it is likely that if you bleed because of a vamp bite, it won’t clog normally because they have anticoagulant in their saliva, so you risk dying of blood loss if the bite is severe….like an artery or such….or, - here my face got totally grim – or you can die because your vampire lover is either so

hungry he loses control, or so young he does not have one in face of so much … temptation. Amy was still. -Are you fucking with me? – her face totally lost all soft lines. -Nope. – I was watching you glass, skillfully ignoring her gaze. -So are you saying that he can fucking love you to death?! -No. Calm down, of course not. They were talking about risks involved in extreme circumstances. -Extreme? What more extreme you want either than fatal weapons embedded in his mouth? -They explained what could happen if your lover is a young one. Now you know Constantinos is 300 and some. Give him some credit. -So, like all that stuff on TV about bites being orgasmic is bullshit? -Ye-ha! And you know it. You probably heard as much from the gossip sites you read. -Common! You could end up in hospital while fucking him! – she was outraged, with something that sounded like genuine fear. -Amy, you have a Whitehouse dirty mouth tonight! -Fucking A! – she pointed thumb’s up, and took another healthy gulp of wine. -They were actually encouraging us not to take risks in the bedroom and not to feed our lovers, since the situation could get out of hand. What more responsible do you want? -So, “Yey” to humping, and “Ney” to biting? -Exactly. – my face was sour cream serious. We burst out-loud laughing in the same time. -I gotta tell you this Nora. You, yes you are a better woman than I am. – she kept giggling. I could never let him touch me, knowing that he might end up chewing on my veins. Higher or lower. Another girly burst of laughter. My, a regular Laughing Factory tonight. -Well, I didn’t decide yet about that.

-That what? Sex or blood? – she watched me a bit more mature now. Truth was, we were more than ok so far. We slowly got to know each other, and believe me there was a lot of talking to do when you had a 300 years old history in your back. The physical part was excellent, with lots of dates in public and kisses in private, his manners were exquisite and I could feel myself relaxing more each day. -Blood. I decided I want to have sex with him, and we will. We are currently…tip-toeing around the subject. We had a wonderful relationship so far, bit bumpy start, but nice take off at the end. Still blood, that is….delicate my friend. She raised an eyebrow, raising the glass questioningly. -It’s an intimate gesture. I have no idea if I am ready for it. – made a funny face Yet. -You mean more intimate than him sticking his cold dick in you? -Oh, my God! Can you cut it? -Oh, excuse me, miss manners! – she finished her glass of wine. -I told you he is warm after he feeds. -So you better give it up for him, before you catch a cold...down there. - she was laughing her head off again. -Hey! – her mouth combined with my mind tonight, was not a happy place.

6.Desperate Houseflight My hands were cold, I was so nervous I could scream. Yet another wonderful date ahead of me. I could probably describe the sunset, or the winds full of fresh snowy crispy chill, or the birds having fun in my neighbor’s miniature pine flower pots, or even the rosy cheek excitement of my dear old miss Nina, my neighbor – which for the record, was instantly charmed by Constantinos in one of him many visits to my place. But I will not. My dread was unnaturally present in my mind: I was going on a date – again- with my super hot vampire boyfriend, whose hearing and site far surpassed that of us mere mortals. And yes, I was going to make a fool of myself… again.

As much as I tried thinking about dating other people, I found I could not fantasies about male bodies the way I used to. When your hubby looks like a clinch cover of a 90’s romance novel, well you get the point. I loved watching his insanely round ass when he was not looking, and I absolutely went crazy for a flash of that white, smooth expanse of chest, o so “casually” revealed by his shirts. I was in a continuous state of arousal next to him, and I am sure I was embarrassing all those cheeky female characters in those novels. I was almost always stunned by his presence and could not get flashes except about sex. It would have been horrific if he could really have read my mind. Uf! One thing less to worry about, right? Basically I just tried to play it cool and pretend not to notice that I was turning a bright shade or red whenever he kissed me, or that he often caught me smelling his hair with my eyes closed. God! I could not help it! I was like the regular Johnny Bravo around him, except for the mirror thing. -Good evening my dear. – he elaborately announced his entrance at the door. Yeah – he had a key. The 300 years old monster, who could break down the door just by huffing, no puffing required, had a fancy English key to my very own personal door. You gotta love this modern world! Of course he had no reason to use it, but still it was a sign of intimacy. -I hope you did not bring a huge bouquet of flowers again. – I tried pretending I did not like them. -As you suggested last time, no, I came this time with something more…elaborate. More on your tastes.-he smiled pulling from behind his back a parcel. -I remember the old saying “Be vare of Greek bearing gifts”. Do you? – God he looked so sexy tonight! He laughed softly. -I know a friend who was there, and I can assure you there was no horse. -You are joking! – I raised my eyebrows in astonishment. -At least, so he tells me. -God, this is like finding out there is no Santa! I would sure like to meet them sometimes. – I still could not believe it. I can’t believe that you can actually talk to someone who might have drank beer with Homer! -Oh, you mean the bold yellow guy? No, he’s not one of us. – he made a bored out of his wits face and started studying the painting on my wall. I looked just plain stunned. Then he turned around and laughed:

-Just kidding! Gottcha! -Gee, a smart vampire making modern jokes. – I teased him. -Sorry I was just trying to be in step with times. -I gotta admit you got me thinking for a sec. He winked and made the pistol move with his fingers. -I love your painting though. - he turned his attention back to the wall. - Why don’t you open the gift? I think you will definitely adore it. -I know something else I will adore. – my dirty thoughts just didn’t wanna stay hidden. -Why miss Nora. – he said in a falsely affected voice. I do believe you are making innuendos. In a quick, even stride, he closed the gap between us and laid a soft kiss on my lips, his tongue tracing the outlines of my mouth. I could feel him breathing, which I knew he does not need, and instantly froze trying to remember if I brushed my teeth, flossed, etc. I would be beyond hopeless if I made a fool of myself again by ignoring easily perceived hygiene. I remembered an old Greek saying – “One burned with hot soup, blows even in the yogurt”. -We can arrange that. Are you going to open my present, of stay here tempting me, my dear? – his hands released me even more provokingly than grabbing. -Is that such a bad thing? - my bad girl attitude was showing again. I was slowly moving my hands over the front of his shirt, going toward the opening. - I promise it’s going to worth your time. -Are you sure? – my fingers tracing his nipples in round, soft strokes. He sighed gently, crushing me for an instant against the front of his pants. Boy, was I in a romance cover, or what? -I can be persuaded to change it, if you so desire. -No, no. I love surprises. I can’t pass this opportunity. Your first gift. -Except for the alarm clock. -Yes except for the singing alarm clock. – I laughed.

The one that made funny hunted house noises at dawn and dusk. Ha, ha – a trifle bit Hollywood-ish, but he though it funny. Said I will think of him when he thinks of me. Is that romantic, or what folks? I abandoned his shirt, blushed a bit and pecked him lightly on his cheek, then went to unwrap the mysterious package. -Oh, my God! – I knew I could do better than that, but hey all women are blondes when they love something this much. He rested delicately against my desk, folding his hands and watching me with a keen interest, similar to a cat stalking its prey. -No way! A Pino! A real Pino in my living room! – so I could turn red for something else besides him. Good to know. -I thought since you were so enamored with your peonies, the real thing should enchant you even more. -I can’t believe you bought this! It must cost a fortune! -I know you modern people call this infatuated with one self …but, you deserve it my sweet. -You are so arrogant! -I know you so well. Admit it. -See? - I leaned gently into him. I rewarded him with another kiss then joyfully I went to hang on my wall the original Pino Dangelico which I so loved on poster paper for 4 years. -It is time for our evening to begin. – he ominously announced after. -What do you mean? – I tried to play dumb, as if the painting was all I wanted all along. -You force me to be blunt. So, since you pestered me continuously about meeting various vampires who might have been present at some point in the making of human history, I arranged for a special pass in one of the exclusive vampire clubs in Vienna. -Wait. Wait. Wait. Vienna? Club? ... Might? I don’t understand a thing. – I had my eyebrows up, I swear. Must have been a funny site for him. -Well Nora, we talked about this. Remember? Just because one sais that they have been present at the birth of Rome, does not mean that one is true. Hence the “might” part. Vienna is close when you have a private jet and the club I believe you

have heard about at TV. An exclusive vampire establishment, perfectly legal, perfectly safe and perfectly boring. – he carelessly arranged his buttons -Boring? -I never care much for our bunch. These days it’s so common to invent stories about how one was Nero’s pet, Elizabeth Bathory’s lover or Genghis Han’s general. Utter nonsense, but since they have knowledge of life in those days, they actually get away with it. To the untrained eye, that is. -So they all lie? -No, not all. But vampires that old are rare, elusive and don’t mingle well with crowds. -So how come you said I get the meet one that was there in the time before Greece? – I usually followed better in ones conversations, but this was so new to me. I insisted to meet his “friends” since we started dating, and could not believe he finally gave in. -He is real. He is a friend of mine, owing me a favor and a chat, so I said why not? -And he does not mind? You said they are “elusive”. -He has to mind dear. He is southern Europe’s council member. So he is in constant contact with the modern entrapping of your world. – he finished with the shirt and started to arrange his coat, as if it was the most delicate and masculine gesture in the world. -Wait, you said the club is exclusive vamp. -Not quite. We allow and welcome guests. – the inflexion gave me pause. -Feeding guests? – I asked a bit unsure. -Precisely? I hope you won’t mind being labeled as “food”. I promise they won’t touch you. – he grinned. -Who’s stopping them? No harm intended. -No one. The younger vampires are not allowed to taste elder’s food. But the other way around is. So since we really know the age of most of the vampires at first site, you will be safe. Besides, we have rules against fighting in front of mortals. -Mortals now, heh?

-Forgive me. – he hugged me tighter – “Food”. – he mischievously grinned again giving me look over his eyes. - We are not allowed to spar in front of food. -Are you teasing me again? -Since your recommendation for me to get more “modernly urbanized” as you called it, I have took your advice and watched all the South Park episodes. My crazy laugh flowed in the room, all romance forgotten. -You’re kidding me! South Park and Constantinos! - I must say I have the hang of it. But since you find me amusing, I am afraid that I will have to be more firm in proving my “talents”. – his body suddenly felt firmer. I was still giggling when I noticed the hard look in his eyes. -What do you mean? –I asked a bit alarmed. Who, me? -By the way. – he arrogantly lifted his brows. - The private jet offer is off the plate. -A? aaa….. With one of those flash movements of his, opened the window, grabbed one of my coats from the dressed and without letting me take in my breath, flew outside….so help me God!

7.Flight or Fight Long after my scream melted in the night and his soft masculine laughter tickled my ears, the crazy rollercoaster feeling subsided enough for me to breathe properly. It was as if I was constantly rolling on a Sixflag’s 3D ride, and what once must have been a dream for a die-hard fan like me, now transformed into a battle. Don’t throw up,…yet, don’t scream again, don’t swear and don’t look down. He asked me repeatedly if I was doing ok, but hey, I was Nora and I wanted to prove that I belonged on that “food” list at the entrance, so I just nodded that I was OK. My only bit of luck was that the distance between Prague and Vienne was like 30 minutes with a jet, so…we probably made…about that, by the state of my pretty little self on the roof of the club.

On touch down, I noticed I lost one shoe and my hoses were almost down to my thighs. My hair suddenly crowded my face, my necklace was on my backside, my coat’s pockets were inside-out (I have no idea why, but I am sure some weird physical law said that I simply had to look stupid when flying in the arms of gorgeous vamps), my make-up was washed by tears (from the winds, I swear), my legs were wobbly and just when I could say no more, Constantinos handled me a tiny bucket with a bag already opened inside. I guess flying was not as fun as in the corny movies. I pushed aside and tried recomposing my “single but gorgeous” look. -What? You expect me to give up my jewelry and wallet? – tried a little joke there. He watched me silently with an unreadable face and waited one second until I grabbed the bucket on my own and thoroughly started to vomit in it. -Oh, - I mumbled after -, so that’s why they have those here. One or two heaves and I was better. -‘Bout time we got a new predator on the food chain, if you ask me. We were beginning to feel superior.-I said with a shaky look at my missing shoe. He just chuckled. A manly chuckle, if you get my meaning. To my left there was a neat corner with a stand full of little blue buckets ready for use. So many had the same tendency towards heaving. The thought made me throw up again. And surprise, surprise, on the roof of the building was a huge black X mark on a big yellow dot, with little bright lights on the margins. -You gotta be kidding me? A freaking helicopter landing? -I believe this is called a vampire pad. – his face looked worried for a second. Grabbed a napkin (yes, they had pine scented ones ready for use) and tried to compose my demeanor. -Whatever you say Doc. – I tried to appear untroubled and cool, my nose held high. -My name is Constantinos. – he glanced at me worryingly. -You should watch Bugs Bunny too. – and then the helicopter,… pardon, the vamp landing lights swirled up and hit me straight in the face.

I woke up in a red rom. I was cleaned up, feeling fresh and smelling great. Of course I did not remember anything after my fall, but judging after the state of my head, Constantinos must have caught me before more damage was done.

-There you are. – he said from a corner settee. -I was…out? -For a while. And I do apologize. I had no idea you are so sensitive. You must believe me I would have never done it had I known that you … -Hush. I am fine. It was fun…and besides….I am having some trouble with a new diet. Probably that’s why I am so out of breath lately. – I was lying, shamefully, but I really did not want to fall in the veggie category! I hated it, I was scared shitless and never wished to do that again. But I could not let him know it, and he was feeling so guilty, he bought it. As I was positioning myself on the pillows, suddenly my ribs felt like…they existed. Each and every one of them, including my hips, hurt like hell. I was starting to think the fall on the pad was more serious, when I realized that the sore spots were actually the places were his hands held me during our flight. Again not like the movies at all. And just trying to imagine the shear strength of those muscles, brought a shiver of fear down my spine. What the fuck was I doing here? Was I that desperate for a lay that I was “preying mantis”-ing my own ass? I mean, man, he could eat me for lunch, hide my body and none would be the wiser! Look at those arms! I am like pudding bread if he wants. Probably the vanishing adrenaline from earlier made a complete paranoid bitch out of me, and it would have continued, if not for his hands, that suddenly caressed my face with the most sensitive and delicate of touches. -Are you feeling better, my dear? – the worried look in his eyes made me feel stupid. How many nights he held me, and how many kisses? No death, no food chain here, just lust. I knew if he wanted to play cat and mouse, he would have showed it by now. I was such a drag! -I am better now, that you are here with me. – yak! What a stupidly old fashion “faint if you leave” thing to say. But I managed a smile and thanked the Gods one more time for him not being able to read my mind. -Can we go home then? I have a limo downstairs. -No way! I just managed to pull myself together, so I am not missing this club. I hope I did not endure that, just to go home from the door. He laughed at my vehemence, and raised his palms up in defense (he got that from me). -I would not dream of disappointing you, my dear.

-How about an “OK”? I think it will do, and save us time…. – my words were cut short by his kiss. Hot, firm lips, encased my mouth in fervent caresses, while his tongue forced its way into my mouth. The delicate, fain coppery taste, told me that he had a “quickie” from a donor outside while I was out. Strangely enough, it bothered me. But I knew that even if I agreed, I could not serve as full donor, since it would kill me. Science says that a grown human can have up to 5 liters of blood in his body, being able to loose 20% without repercussions and 40% before shock sets in and the vamp is accused of murder. So for a 100 kilo body subsisting by hematophagy….it’s not enough a gulp from a drunken teenager. Or two, for that matter. Nothing like the delicate kiss from the books and media. Usually when hunger sets in, a vampire will shiver and have great difficulties in controlling his survival instincts. No blue-eyed pleading, no kissed and hugs as the lover offers her throat. Hollywood lied to us for decades! The vamp will forget good manners and just plain lounge at the first “blood bag” in his path, which is why nowadays they have special clubs like this : a high fashion cantina for the undead, were people can satisfy their curiosity or kink, and were vamps can feed legally and clean. The difficulty of the process and the scarcity of victims, made being a blood-sucker such a dread. Ergo the rules imposed early on to limit the new fledglings and to maintain a good publicity for the undead community. And so, humanity managed to survive the invasion of the new predator and nature took care not to make it too easy for these guys to replicate and thus exterminate all of us early in the Stone Age. If I remember correctly, during the middle-ages, we had around a couple of thousands, spread through out the world. Now the field got a bit crowded, with big blood banks owned by vampire Lords and huge payments for attending on a regular basis. I sighed and broke the kiss. -You never told me how the club was called. – I frowned slightly. -The Savage Garden, in honor of our most beloved advocate, Anne Rice. -Oh, yes, I know her. She was the first writer that got the books about vampires into fashion. Right? -Precisely. She made an entire fashion spark forth, movies, books, clothes….the works, unknowingly that we watched from the distance. All we had to do, was bide our time and appear when it was right. We instantly got raved as romantic lost souls and lovers. Actually one of our first rules as a community was to never break that impression in front of humans. By the time science and papers got the full truth out, nobody cared. We were in fashion at every party and drove a deep line inside society. But you already know that. – he smiled charmingly. -Which reminds me: you promised a talk with a certain ancient friends of yours? – I giggled.

-Unfortunately. – he scowled. He was at the door in a fraction of a second. Still made me nervous when he did that. -Get dressed, I’ll check on him and come to retrieve you momentarily. So minutes later, with my base makeup arranged, a new pair of jeans and a low cut club blouse and matching shoes, I mingled in the crowd of the Savage Garden wondering how the newly reformed Christian writer took this effigy. Running in the arms of the church did not strike me as a graceful way of exiting the scene, but as a pathetic retreat of an old atheist in the face of real death. I did not know her, but in a world devoid of miracles, I guess Jesus is the last bastion of hope. The crowd was a mixture of colors and heights. Just like any other club in the world. The distinctive touch was the huge bodyguards at the walls and the double bar. One side served alcohol, the other had a nice array of show girls brought up for “auction” (nobody forgot that they received 50% of the sum). So here you go brother, if you are not handsome enough to conquer a date/dinner, you can pay for it. Thou all the vampires that I have seen were hunks, so who could be ugly enough to have to pay for letting him put his hands on you? -So this is the famous Nora. – a clear bell-like voice called to me. I turned my head, expecting to see another Trojan like those in 300 (I know they were Spartans, but hey, a girl gotta dream), tall, dark and mysterious. Instead I gazed at empty air. My move was so obvious, that it must have been observed by the possessor of the voice and with a deeper tone, he said: -Lower still, gorgeous. The man was a pristine white, with dark locks, skillfully arranged in disarray around a flatten, broad face. The roots of his beard gave off a gray tint to his cheek, uncommonly matching his eyes, currently squinting at me. -Now that you know who the bar is for, welcome to my club. Like it? – his mood seemed a bit improved. -I really liked the lights on the roof. – I think I blushed, damn! -Oh, so you’re a thrower. – he laughed, paying me back for my earlier stare. -Nora, let me present Daniel. – Constantinos stepped in, and with an artful gesture, pointed towards our companion. -Care to sit? – he was already doing it, so we did it also. -Daniel? Really?

-And that’s the best ting she can say to an ancient, ladies and gentlemen.- he added with an ironic grin. -It’s his modern chosen name. The old one was…unusual. – Constantinos saved the day again. They laughed and hugged, then kissed their cheeks. And after nearly dropping my jaw on the table, I remembered that it was an old Eastern European custom. Guys kissing. Yak! -So what did you mean with the bar? -As you can see, the really old vampires honey, are not at all like in those romantic kissy-face flicks. We are short, because historically, the men we used to be before becoming vamps were short. Look into archeology. It was a couple of decades ago, maybe a hundred or so years, that humanity really began to “strive for the stars”, and normally we were left behind at our one point fifty height. -You mean all old vampires are shorter than Kyle Minogue? His face grimaced and Constantinos was suddenly admiring the walls with an amused look. -You may say so. We … deal with it, but not so elegantly as your friend here, who had the luck of being able to boast one eighty even in days when that was rare indeed. -Aa…Hm. I am sorry. I did not mean to … -That’s ok. I promised him I will answer all historical questions you have for me. I understand you work in a related department? – he said, suddenly putting on his press face. -I do…But it’s so amazing that most of the things we believe about you guys seem to be false! Constantinos explained the Anne Rice thing. But I did not expect to see so much,…harsh reality. What other differences are there to discover? – I had a feeling… -You are referring to … size. Right? -No Nora. It’s a sensitive thing for Daniel. – he smirked, a guy thing on his face. -Not any more my friend. – he laughed. -What? – I was genuinely curious. -Dick size, Nora. Follow up. – he smiled again. – We have the same size problem there too. But I, on the other hand, fixed mine with an expensive surgery. I can boast 17 centimeters today. Care for a sample? – he winked at me.

-No thank you. I have my hands full with this one next to me. But how come you seem so friendly? He said old vamps are grouchy and bad humored at all times. -Did he now? – he eyed Constnatinos with a grin. -I think you can guess why he’s in an excellent mood, Nora. Size is better, always. Height, wallet, car. – he smiled ordering me a cocktail. -That is why we hate the youngsters. They always integrate better in society and seem to be better endowed in anything. Bloody annoying if you ask me. You girls are a handful also. -Amen to that. – said Constantinos, happy for once to not be the center of all my questions and jokes. -We? -Take you for example. I bet you are so self conscious, you don’t even know how beautiful you are. All today’s girls see are the extra kilos in the mirror, thinking that they don’t look as starved as those models on TV. It’s ridiculous. In my days, wives were plump and gorgeous. Now all I see are peasant girls after a plague. I could not but laugh. -I heard that somewhere. Charming times. I wish I could have been there. -See what I mean? You can’t ever take a compliment. Constantinos took then my hand, kissed my finger like we were alone in the room and whispered: -Told you I loved you extra kilos. You look like a Botticelli painting to me. -Is that another way of saying chubby? – I know I was turning red to my ears - So young, so unsure of their powers. – Daniel pretended to sigh – If only you knew we are potty in your lovely hands. Let me tell you about my first love… I was simply absorbing all the information he was willing to share. Seems when an ancient tacks to you, better not change the subject. I had an interesting couple of hours, full of destroyed illusions and shocking truths, an invitation at the bar, from a very naughty older guest….- yes, also small and hairy, but definitely frowning in dismay, which let me to believe he did not visit the enhancement clinic Daniel bragged about all night. My, my, what a healthy penis will do to a man! I was danced and treated to cocktails until I almost fell asleep on the velvet couch, and I remember Constantinos taking me in his arms to the car waiting outside. I was happy.

-So let me rewind what I learned tonight. – I babbled after he seated me on the cushion and signaled the driver to go home. -Tel me my dear. What have you been enlightened to. – he smiled complacently. - Well, Santa does not exist… - I laughed, too much alcohol already. -I am glad you found it entertaining. I hated having all those vampires glaring at you like a piece of meat.-he almost snarled. I found it profoundly exciting, so I got distinctly closer, like in his lap closer, and whispered on his lips(tack about total lack of inhibition) : -I found out about Homer. About the startling truth that old vampires are not sexy and gorgeous, but those with penile enhancements are witty. – here I laughed out loud -Right. – he said with no humor. -And we also know that you had no work done, so it’s …all…real. – I actually opened the last button to his shirt in my search for his trousers. -You know, I already knew. – his voice became a bit breathy, obviously delighted with the alcohol effect on me. -I know, al right, that Caucasian vamps have yellow skin…yeek! And that sexy, gorgeous Greeks and Italians have perfect white one. While blacks become golden like cherubs in Renaissance. God must have David’s sense of humor. – I smiled and found the folds of his pants, slowly pushing my hand on the warm skin underneath. -Nora…-he whispered back. By this tine I had his manhood (the word made me giggle again) in my hand, stroking it gently from root to head, until he breathed heavily. He tried saying something, but our kiss interrupted his thoughts. I eat hungrily at his lips, like I would never see them again, our tongues weaving desperately, trying to absorb each other. My skin felt on fire, needles pricking me from head to toes. He reached between us, our breaths even and strong. My head was light. -Nora, my love…I waited so long to hold you in my arms. -Yes! – I whispered, throwing my head back and letting him nibble on my neck. -I want you so bad! – his voice was slightly tremoring. He gently placed his hands on either sides of my face, eyes gazing hungrily in my soul. -I promise to …

-Hashuuuuuuuuuu!!! – and- Prrrrrrrrrrttt!!! – with a powerful blow, I unexpectedly sneezed in his face, centimeters away from his nose with such force and surprise that I not so silently escaped a small smelly fart. Silence fell in the car, so thick, you could cut it with a knife. I pulled myself from his lap, hand on my face. I was red with shame and my I wished the floor to disappear and drop me on the road that instant, but I managed in child like voice to gently ask: -Do you have a hanky?

For those who suffer from excitement here are some extra information for the future. I reserve the right to change any or all details provided below. -I took the liberty of adding a new chapter: 6: Desperate Houseflight

The rest of planned chapters: 8 – “A kingdom for a hose”

9 – “To be or not to be pee” 10 – “Don’t bite more than you can chew” 11 – “Into the wild”

*cover executed by Griffin , for devilishdukeinmybed