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YOUR VOICE. OUR VOICE. ONE VOICE. WEEK OF MARCH 3, 2009 CHICAGO EDITION VOL 1 No 6

Printed with Explicit permission From Each Content Provider

Inside This Issue: The Bloggess Discusses Hookers Mark Cuban on Madoff Would you friend George Bush on Facebook? The Daily Kos covers his first day Social Media Expertise from Mashable American Express’ Guy Kawasaki on Retweeting Love Letters from The Nervous Breakdown Another Rant from Brooke Van Poppelen Roli Shalem | tpburl.com/7hsptn Views expressed in Content do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher or the printed blog inc.

Because We Can

Personal

I Just Need A Name For My Hookers By Jenny | 12/15/08 | The Bloggess tpburl.com/7d53ft The other day I was thinking that if I was a prostitute I would totally join the Navy because first of all: free room and board, and secondly: captive audience because those Navy guys couldn’t leave the ship to buy stuff and so they’d have all this extra cash. Plus, no police on board. But then my coworker Tracy said that military police are even more strict than regular police and I was all ”But we’d be in international waters and there are no rules there. Pirate law, motherf’ckr!” And then he was like, “Okay, number one, there’s no such thing as pirate law and number two there are probably already women sailors on board giving it up for free” and I was all “Yes, but they wouldn’t have my costumes” and then Tracy was all “Wow. You’ve… really thought this through” and I’m like ”Hell yeah, I have. And even my uniform would be a costume because who doesn’t want a girl in a sailor outfit? Nobody, that’s who” and then he was all “Yeah, but the other women on board would be wearing sailor uniforms too” but that wouldn’t matter because my uniform would be just like the chick’s from Sailor Moon. And I’d carry around a giant stuffed octopus because guys really like that. Apparently. Then Tracy was all “What in the hell are you talking about?” And I was all ”You know…in those Japanese manga cartoons when the girls are always being violated by tentacles? How do you not know this?” and Tracy was like “How do you?!” like I’m the freak. Then I got home and asked Victor about it and he was all “Violated by tentacles? Where the fuck do you get this stuff?!” and I’m all “Why do I have to keep explaining this to people?!” and he was like “Who else were you explaining it to?” and I was all ”Oh, just some guy at work” and then he walked off in awe. Or disgust. I can never tell those apart. PS. Just to clarify, I could never be a prostitute because I’m married and also because I’m allergic to latex. What I need is a venture capitalist willing to back my elite cadre of naval hookers. I even have a business plan. Victor says a price list of sex acts written on a napkin is not a real business plan but yeah, it totally is. PPS. Just a little note that I may be MIA this week as I’m going to be at a Christian camp helping to coordinate the yearly retreat. For the highly religious company where I work. In HR. Honestly, I’m just as surprised as you are.

By M.T. | 2/13/09 | Bastard Life tpburl.com/b5rmph Feasts. “If the first lay wasn’t so good, I’d just get laid again a few hours, or a few minutes later,” a rutty, fair skinned Rick said about the 1970s gay sexual revolution through a thick bushy gray mustache, sipping coffee in a San Francisco cafe in the Castro. We were in the front on stools at a counter facing the street through tall french doors that were open, letting in the crystalline clear light and thin cool breeze of the afternoon. Rick looked on wistfully, “I’m not sure why, though, we queens call it ‘back in the day,’ because that ‘day’ could be today,” he laughed and gestured with a snap of his farm worker thick and rough fingers saying, “Please honey, we could stand up, walk two blocks, and with a few single dollar bills blaze through as many men as we want.” Of course I knew this, but I had steered my conversation with Rick toward this because I had a larger question; one that I thought he might answer with some stats or psycho-babble about gay repression or something. “Why so many though? Gay or straight or bi—men are promiscuous. We never hear women bragging about such things. What’s with the trophy of ‘blazing,’ as you say, through as many women or men or both as we want to in a night?” Rick cocks his head back sort of wisely, paused and nodded with a kiss of old age in his still bright blue eyes and just said it, “Because we can.” That, I believed. PHOTOS

PHOTOS

Legalize Weed, Stimulate the Economy

Pr0n Hang Over By melissalion | 2/6/09 | Recovering Californian tpburl.com/y1862p Because I live in Portland, I was required to give up one whole level of the food pyramid. It’s sort of like a rite of passage here. You must give up something. Meat, sugar, a sense of humor, whatever. You must give it up. So I had to give up booze. As you all know, I was suffering from some pretty serious hangovers and I cut beer out completely. I haven’t had wine in years mainly because I woke up one morning after drinking some wine, and felt sick, headachey and like killing myself. I also realized I was fat. I decided it was wine’s fault and I gave it up. Believe me, the hangovers were enough impetus to make me never, ever crave wine or beer. I have a cocktail once in a blue moon. And I enjoy it. And then deal with the aftermath. Well, I’ve been thinking that giving up booze was a lot. A lot a lot. Like I’m way better and more givey uppy than anyone I know. AND I LIVE IN PORTLAND! Where everyone can’t eat something. And I’m like the holiest of everyone because I gave up booze! Booze is vegan, people. I’M BETTER THAN VEGANS! So I’ve been thinking that I’d add a vice back in. I can’t smoke because it makes my skin icky. I find drugs to be a) expensive and b) redundant. So what? Last night, I decided I’d take in some pron. And not the good stuff like I’m used to, but the free stuff. Free internet pron. I watched, I think, about two hours of pron. Because this seemed like the proper amount one of those weak-willed vegans would watch. I watched so many MILFs and “lezzies” and three-way office scenes, I was surprised when I wasn’t wearing hooker heels and fake glasses. I particularly enjoyed Ultimate Surrender, which might say something about me, or might just be because it was the only thing I could find that wasn’t “lezzie” sex, but actual lezzies having sex. (I think my 18 year old brother is reading my blog. In which case, this whole post is either a form of punishment or an education. My parents are pretty cool about this stuff, so maybe it’s just like whatever. But, swear to god K, you better stop reading now.) After two hours of free internet pron, I masturbated meditated (okay I did both) and I slept fitfully. And woke with a headache and a case of the hangzieties so severe my skin was crawling. It was like I was hungover from booze. But it was pron of which I consumed far too much. I ask you, Fan Club, is it possible that I suffered from a pron hangover? Is it possible? If so, what the hell am I supposed to do now?

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By Casey Gane-McCalla | 2/24/09 | Daily Kos tpburl.com/c70kw1 Barack Marley’s diary :: They say desperate times call for desperate measures and we are definitely in desperate times. The biggest problem about the US economy is that we don’t make anything anymore. We closed the textile mills and now get our clothes from China, we get our electronic goods from Japan, our food from God knows where. America was sent into a depression 80 years ago after the US made alcohol illegal . During that time organized crime flourished while the economy suffered. America did not bounce out of that depression til after they made alchohol legal again in 1933. If there is anything Americans know how to make, market and distribute, its marijuana. America has been marketing marijuana for years through music, movies, comedy and t-shirts. Illegal botanists have been making various high powered strands of marijuana while the US hasn’t had an agricultural innovation since the peanut. Already many states have big problems with overcrowded prisons that they cannot afford to fund. Wouldn’t it be better to let out the marijuana smokers then the rapists, thieves and killers. America has not had a cash crop in years. Sugar and the rum trade gave the Americas its first economic boom. Tobacco gave it its second. America has a long history of making money of drugs. People have reported that marijuana is the nation’s biggest cash crop, more than corn and soy combined. It is said that marijuana is responsible for $36 billion annually in the USA, none of which is taxed. Today we are paying farmers not to grow crops. If farmers were allowed to grow marijuana, they would not need anymore subsidies and also be able to create badly needed jobs in the agricultural industries. If weed were legalized, farmers would also be able to grow hemp which can be used to make clothes, fuel food and many other things. It would be nice for America to have a product to export rather than importing everything, hemp could fill that role. George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Benjamin Franklin all grew hemp our last three presidents have smoked marijuana. One third of all Americans have smoked marijuana. Half of all 18 year olds in America have smoked marijuana. Almost 1 million people are arrested for marijuana in a year 90% for simple possession. How many police man hours go into arresting, incarcerating and processing these smokers? A lot of marijuana smoked in the states comes directly from Mexico or Canada. So the sucking sound from the bong is actually American money and jobs going to Mexico and Canada. Many agricultural, packaging, and distribution jobs are all being outsourced to Mexico and Canada due to our strict marijuana laws. Marijuana smokers are used to paying blackmarket prices for weed. If marijuana was to be legally cultivated, it could be produced and distributed legally and cheaply. The government could then tax marijuana heavily as marijuana smokers are already used to paying marked up prices. If the USA were to legalize marijuana, many other countries would follow and America could begin importing and exporting marijuana all over the world. Making marijuana illegal does not stop people who want to smoke it from purchasing it only makes it more of a hassle, wasting time and money on behalf of both the government and marijuana smokers. For those concerned about the affect marijuana on the American public, I don’t have a survey or statistics on the affects marijuana have on people but I do know that many doctors, lawyers, politicians, police officers and good decent functioning people have smoked marijuana. When I was at Columbia, one of the nation’s most prestigious institutions, as well as our President’s Alma Mater, it was harder to find someone who didn’t smoke marijuana than it was someone who did.

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Sexy Can I?

An Open Letter to My Future Boyfriend

By Aubrey | 2/21/09 | Vagina Drum tpburl.com/kjzhw7 I recently started watching a show called, “Sex…with Mom and Dad” on MTV. I’m already ashamed, but that hasn’t stopped me so far, so I’ll continue. SWMD features Dr. Drew (me-ow) counseling teens and their parents about well…sex. One of my favorite episodes features a 17 year old girl who lost her virginity without telling her parents. Oh yeah, and her parents made their own porn at home and then put it on the internet. It is, without a doubt, pure, unadulterated entertainment. I’m torn though. I think it’s great that SWMD can at least be a caricature of open sexual discourse. The conversation between parents and children concerning sex is usually dissolved to, “You aren’t doing it, are you?” and then everyone ends up signing a suicide pact to ensure that this never ever happens again. I learned most of what I know about sex from the one health class in high school dedicated to passing around pictures of herpes sores and reiterating that abstinence is the only way to ensure protection against STDs and pregnancy. In other words, I had to learn the hard way. At the same time, my labia would shrivel twice if I had to sit in a room with my parents and discuss my mom’s blowjob techniques or how much I love uncircumcised cock . Even if it did afford me an opportunity to make a pass at Dr. Drew afterward. I think I’m better off for having parents who didn’t try to stop me (or worse–talk to me) when I began masturbating at the age of 4, even if they didn’t bring out the condoms and bananas when I was 14. Ultimately, my attitude toward sex comes from the fact that my parents never tried to interfere. I mean, it’s not like I was riding dudes on the kitchen table when I was 16, but when I burned through an entire box of tampons trying to shove as many as I could up my peach during one particularly inspired night of masturbation, they kept quiet. Their silence has caused me to be as vocal as possible about sex. This means that, on my fifth date with my now boyfriend, I told him upfront that I would allow him to eat my pussy as much as he wanted (and oh my God was I willing), but it would be awhile before his dick would see the light of day. My reason for doing this came from the fact that he had began burying his face in between my thighs on the third date, and as is protocol, I figured the next step would involve sex. This wasn’t something I was comfortable with yet, and so I told him, figuring that he would either decline or accept. If he declined, we could still have a good time. If he accepted, we could have a really good time. The conversation resulted in an erection strong enough to lift the table we were eating on, and was then followed by many nights of intense oral sex. Of course, this may not work with all men, but it does work for the ones who are worth a damn. By the way, in order to find an image for this post, I innocently googled “Sex with mom and dad”. Please learn from my mistakes. No matter how much your curiosity nags at you, just don’t do it. I know this logic doesn’t work with abstinence only education, but I hope it will this time.

By Kimberly Wetherell | 2/8/09 | The Nervous Breakdown

tpburl.com/t0z3p4

Dear Future Boyfriend: Please do not be nice to me. Kindness will only be misinterpreted as interest. If you show concern when I am weary, call because you miss me, or twirl my hair adoringly between your fingers, the fortress around my fragile heart will weaken. If you remember my birthday, I will imagine you want something kinky in bed; like eating the cake you brought home off my ass. If you send me flowers for no reason, I will, naturally, assume there is a reason. And it will probably not be good. Open the door for me, and I’ll trip on the threshold of terrified; knowing that one day you’ll walk out that very same door. Buy me a present of any worth, and I’ll denounce it as one of many lovely parting gifts to come. We both know chivalry is dead. Let’s keep it that way.

Please do not be a good cook. I have worked extremely hard to keep this body nice for you. I have binged, purged, starved, counted calories, declined carbohydrates, obsessed over organics, and lived for weeks on nothing but peppermint tea and pickles. I have run to the moon and back, bicycled twice ‘round the equator and aerobicised, jazzercised - even watercised - my way to keeping this ass tight; tight enough so you can bounce a quarter off it. If you are a master in the kitchen, my resolve might wane and my caloric intake will surpass that of a sedentary six-year-old. Before you know it, I’ll be wearing a size six and neither of us wants that, do we? Please be a gym rat, muscle-head and/or marathon man. Despite my quarter-bouncing ass from which you will eat cake, please reduce me with your bulging guns, your rippling six-pack and your quivering quadriceps. I will strive to keep up with you, but I’ll never win. Because I eat so very little, I will faint every third hour, on the half-hour, thus requiring your big strong arms to pick me up and feed me another pickle. If you happen not to be a gym rat, please then, as a courtesy, be the polar opposite. Ignore your own beer gut, love handles and man-boobs, but demand physical perfection from me regardless. God knows, there’s always someone younger, prettier and fitter around every corner. Speaking of

PHOTOS

which… Please be a religious zealot. Chasten me with your deep and awe-inspiring faith. Belittle me with one-on-one conversations with your personal Higher Power. Strip me of my own beliefs and elucidate the error of my ways. Riddle me with rhetoric and rhyme, rationalities and reason. Inspire me with idiosyncrasy, deride me with dogma. And then we can go to brunch after. Pickle omelets? Yum. Please, please hit me. Physical bruises heal so much more quickly than emotional scars. I’d prefer you break my wrist than break my heart. Go ahead. Get it out. Beat me, strike me, smack me down. Jump on me, thump on me, wallop me good. C’mon. Harder. Like you mean it. Use a belt, a rope, your hand, your shoe – just not your mind, not your tongue, not your wit, not your charm. Send me to the hospital instead. Maybe there I’ll find someone who will show me compassion, someone who’ll nourish me, someone who will run the distance alongside me, someone to pray with me and someone who will heal my open wounds.

A Labeling System?

What’s going on

Join Nicklebee.org, a non-profit organization established to provide scholarships for innercity school children and 97.1 The Drive for the “Nicklebee Idol” charity fundraiser. $20 tickets, which include 2 drinks along with a front row seat to see Chicago’s idol. 7 p.m., Sat, Mar 7 Globe Pub, 1934 W. Irving Park Road Chicago

Open Books is hosting Party with a Purpose, Thursday March 12 from 7-10 p.m. at Mad River Bar and Grille. $30 tickets include food and drink and all proceeds go to support Open Books literacy programs around Chicago.

The Golden Age of Comic Books, 1938–1950 - Discover the origins of Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, and other superheroes through vintage artwork, comic books, and interactive installations. Skirball Cultural Center 2701 North Sepulveda Blvd, Los Angeles. Feb 19 - Aug 9

MUSIC OFF THE SHELVES - Sunday, March 8 at 4 PM. Brooklyn Public Library, New York, NY S. Steven Dweck Center for Contemporary Culture FREE CONCERT

http://open-books.org/events/partywithapurpose

http://www.brooklynphilharmonic. org/?q=node/123&subcal=true

By Cynthia Rodriquez | 2/22/09 | Lesbiatopia tpburl.com/sk6w3x This is a bitch and moan type of rant. I haven’t done this in a while, so I’m overdue. This is about the dating scene, the club scene, the bar scene, which for the good, bad, and the ugly, through sickness and through health, I have been a part of for a very long time. Don’t underestimate. Being a part-time gay barfly is alot of work. It’s not all about Karaoke. You’re probably thinking, what do you mean, “A Label System?” Yeah, I know, we don’t like labels, “don’t label me, I don’t like labels”, blah, blah, blah. Fine. Bear with me, this is what I’m talking about. At a straight bar/club, you have (for the most part), straight men and straight women, women looking for men, men looking for women. The end. At a gay club/bar I’ve learned it is not that simple. Over the years you realize it’s a lot more complicated. Exhibit A: You’re at the club scoping out some chick for two hours that you’ve already bought at least three drinks for. At the end of the night she drunkily confesses to you that she is straight and happily married, (however, her husband is nowhere in sight). I like to refer to this little hustling scheme as the “straight girl scam”. Straight women, (especially if they are broke-ass women), that go to gay clubs now and then to score free drinks from us dumb, desperate Lesbians. Meanwhile, that nice girl in the corner you find out a WHILE later, whom you ignored all night because you were busy chasing that straight moocher all night, has a crush on you, but you blew it because you were stupid. If it were just Lesbians that went to a Lesbian bar, it would be okay. This wouldn’t be an issue. The thing is, and don’t get me wrong, I LOVE diversity, but damn, it can get very confusing, very fast. Because of its nature gay bars attract ALL types. Anything and everything goes. To know who’s what most of the time is nearly impossible. How are you supposed to pick somebody up like that? I propose a sticker label system for gay bars. You know, like those little stickers that say “Hello, my name is...”, well, something similiar to that but using certain colors. Say like BLUE would mean Lesbian, RED would mean straight as in “DANGER!, RED FLAG! RED FLAG! STRAIGHT GIRL!” RED AND BLUE would mean bisexual. Then if you really wanted to break it down, you can do RED AND BLACK, meaning straight AND married. RED AND GREY meaning straight and married, but curious and want to experiment with somebody dumb enough to get into all that, or I’m just really getting sick of my husband and I’m ready to leave him anyway, etc, etc, etc. It can go on and on. You can get quite creative with it. I think it would be fun, eliminate all the bullshit, and put the con-artists out of business. It’s just a suggestion.

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By Brooke Van Poppelen | 11/8/08 | NY is Retarded tpburl.com/z6ptbf Just because you’re a hipster doesn’t mean you’re a cooler parent. If anything, you and your retarded, new age hippy parenting skills are way worse than any Midwestern, diaper bag toting, overweight, sweat-suit clad nightmare who has their kid on a leash. At least they see their child for what it is to everyone else; a pest. A pest named Billy who they keep on a leash and smack around when he acts like an asshole. I love that. But in Brooklyn’s hipster parent world, a little shit named Chloe in a tiny Marc Jacobs ensemble wanders aimlessly around the coffee shop with her other designer clad gang of baby hipster friends named Rufus, Rex, Telulah and Blaize. They chew on mommy’s old Nano and climb onto the couch I’m sitting on and size up my clearly un-designer ensemble and loudly proclaim to their friends, “Target” in an ironic baby voice. Meanwhile, their mothers are all gathered around in a circle drinking yerba matte, wearing slouchy boots over leggings and talking about how challenging pilates was today, oblivious to the gang warfare being waged over on my side of the shop. Clearly annoyed, but to no avail I have to suffer through this until their mothers entice them back over with a baggie full of Veggie Pirate’s Booty. Even better than that bargaining chip, these vacuous, baby holes promise their little trolls a “baby cappuccino” if they continue to be “good”. I watch the barista’s eyes rolls back in their head at the mention of a baby cappuccino and silently whisper to one another, “Not it.” There is nothing more sickening than watching a baby hold a little porcelain, espresso sized demitasse of foamed milk. Sure, it’s funny to see babies drink other adult beverages like a beer or wine cooler that Uncle Jim slips to them, but a “baby cappuccino” is morally reprehensible. PHOTOS

When we asked Jenny Lawson if we could feature her in the Printed Blog she waved a gun at us and told us to get off her property. Then later she sent us flowers and a bowl of prescription medicine. She’s unpredictable that way. Jenny writes for her surprisingly popular blog, TheBloggess.com, where she discusses sasquatch, ninja punctuation, lepers, how dead kittens can save the homeless, presidential fisting and her vagina. Jenny also writes for the Good Mom/Bad Mom blog on the Houston Chronicle but would rather tell you about the time that she scared Tom Selleck by throwing up too loudly. Then she’ll scream that she wasn’t throwing up loudly *enough*. We think it’s best just not to mention it at all. Jenny is currently writing a book about all the ways she’s embarrassed herself. She was recently asked to speak about blogging at the Mom 2.0 Summit but in lieu of introducing herself, a large male lumberjack screamed “GET THAT SHIT OUT OF HERE, BLACK JESUS ACTION FIGURE!” Witnesses stated it was kind of awesome and also unsettling and inappropriate. Much like Jenny Lawson. You should send her a dollar. Economy

Was Madoff a Better Investment Than Your Mutual Fund? By Mark Cuban | 2/21/09 | Blog Maverick tpburl.com/43srmc Let’s go back in time 10 years and look at 2 typical investors, Jack and Jill. Both are in the same tax bracket, have worked hard and saved a lot of money, $250,000 . Its their life savings. Everyone says they should put their money in the market, where it will grow and fund their retirement. So they did. One thought they got the break of a lifetime and through a friend was able to invest with the one and only Bernie Madoff. The other put half their money, $125k, in a mutual fund that matched the performance of the Dow Jones, and half in a mutual fund that matched the performance of the Nasdaq. Neither touched the money other than to cover the fees and any taxes, which for the sake of this example we will say were the same for both. Who has more money today ? The person who invested “wisely” or the person who invested with a crooked Ponzi Scheme ? The mutual fund investor bought their Dow Jones Fund when the market was 9550 in Feb of 1999. That $125k investment has shrunk to about $95k. They bought the Nasdaq Fund when the index was at 2342. Today that $125k would be worth about $ 77k. Their $250k nest egg of February 1999 is now worth $172,000 . Thats bad , but not as bad as Madoff’s sucker, right? Maybe not. Because the Madoff investor had less than $500k invested, there is a good chance that they could be protected by the SIPC, who is already sending out claim forms. So when it’s all said and done, the Madoff investor could not only get all their $250k back, but they are also elgible for a share of any funds recovered. While that number may be miniscule, it could mean that SIPC eligible and paid Madoff investors actually made money over the 10 year period, while those that put their money in the market got hit very hard. The sad thing is, that the same comparison could be made for many blue chip stocks that are down 50, 60, even 90pct or more. Which begs the question, who suffered more stress along the way? The market investor who has had to endure 10 years of ups and downs and ups and way down in the market, or the Madoff Ponzi investor who lived happily and stress free for 9 plus years and must now face the uncertainty of their SIPC and other claims to get their money back? Arturo Oliva Pedroza | tpburl.com/1k7r0m

PHOTOS

Arturo Oliva Pedroza | tpburl.com/1k7r0m

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Erik J. Gustafson | tpburl.com/n871xy

PHOTOS

Extreme Makeover: American Culture Edition : A 5 Point Strategy By eponymouse | 2/24/09 | Daily Kos tpburl.com/9b73nr So rather than fix this house of cardsup we are going to tear it all down and build ‘er anew. A whole different set of assumtions and principles on which to found our finances and our society. Who’s with me? /polevaults over the flip eponymouse’s diary :: How to save humanity and the world in five easy steps. OK, they don’t seem easy, but three hundred years from now schools will teach that the great tradgedy of the 20th and early 21sy Centuries was that these things were not accomplished 50 years sooner. Part One: Negative Interest Currency: This was done, successfully, on small scales as early as the Depression, but was crushed by the banks, who saw their profits vanishing. In short, your money declines in value by a small but steady percentage at regular intervals, such as weekly. This means it is no longer possible to get richer merely because you have money, and means investments will be made in real things -- commodities and technology. Banking is still possible as people and organizations will still need loans, and will still need ways to put money aside for future needs. Things like tree farms and eGold will be the prime means of saving. Part Two: Socialized Medicine: Let’s not dance around with fancy dodges like Universal Coverage or Single Payer. If you are a doctor, you work for the government and get paid a flat rate based on your location, specialty, and experience, with bonuses for making your patients healthier. The highest paid doctor would be a GP in the inner city who sees all of his or her patients at least once a year. Dentists the same. Nurses the same. Co-pays would be low and fixed and used to maintain the offices, equipment, and staff, and doctors could pool together to get grants for things like MRI machines etc. Part Three: Work: With a twenty hour workweek as standard, people would have the time, energy, and money to do those things that stimulate the economy, and help the society -- volunteer, recreate, garden, go to shows, whatever. If you look at the great wage freeze that in large part precipitated the current crisis (I won’t show graphs etc as they have all been presented here at DK by people much smarter than me), part of the problem came after WW2. When the GIs came home, they found a workforce already in place. What we ended up with, by the time everything was said and done, was twice the workers making money for businesses and no one minding the hearth. I am not saying that women are not equal or shouldn’t work -- I am saying that in a family with two parents one of the parents should not need to be employed outside the house, not which one it should be! In a single parent or childless household, people should not have to spend the best, most creative, most useful years of their lives waitressing or watching the centrifuge go round. Telecommuting should become the norm for any job not requiring the physical presence of the worker. Part Four: Meat’s a Treat: Meat. The American diet contains a buttload of meat. Meat should be a treat, a flavoring ingredient, an occasional splurge, not the foundation of a lifestyle. If most of the farmland currently used for meat production (including feed) was used for directto-human foods and other agrarian uses (hemp for fabrics and pharmaciuticals, high-cellulose grasses for ethanol production, you name it) not only would starvation become a thing of the past but we would be able to put a lot of environmentally damaging processes behind us as well. Small farms could once again dot the landscape where now corporate logos gaze from the silo towers like the dark eye of Sauron. People could grow heirloom and genetically diverse crops, free-range their chicken and bison, live from the farm and still produce enough overage to sell to those who choose an urban lifestyle. Part Five: A New Space Race: Want to stimulate and transform the world economy? Move mining and industry to orbit. Stand up in front of the nation and set the goals of the nation, that within five years the space station will have permanant residents, in ten years the moonbase will be processing asteroids for metals and volatiles. At this time in human history, we have the resources to step out and away and let Mother Earth heal herself. In another century, we might not. Are there other ways to survive as a species and as a culture? Probably. These five, to me, are the simplest, most critical changes to be made. Chirp off

We asked: If you had to choose, would you rather be a superhero or somebody’s Maryjane? Why? @everydaywonders

I would want to be a Superhero because of all the magical superhero powers!

@KelliSue

Neither.always being saved & being the one doing the saving would get old. Being a villain causing the problems would be fun

@leahchristine

I’m already somebody’s Maryjane, so I’d want to be a superhero in addition to that!

@TransitionalTee

Maryjane, because being in the spotlight is so overrated.

@Jac3286 A superhero b/c I’d be way too jealous if my man were spending the night saving other women @arielleblogs

Superhero! I want to be the awesome one, not the pathetic love interest who always gets into trouble.

@roxannima someone’s Mary Jane, cuz it’s always the people in the shadows that end up being the brains/heart behind the outfit. @jaimeblack @mariechatters

The car? The mask? The grappling hooks? No contest. Superhero. It’s too exhausting worrying all the time being a Maryjane! Plus superheros have cool outfits. And abilities.

@laurengibaldi The superhero! Although the tights may be unflattering, you do get the powers. I’ll take flying over screaming any day.

Founded 2009

Joshua Karp, Founder and Publisher Editorial Claire Bidwell Smith, Senior Editor Koray Girton, Layout Editor Laurel Dailey, Photography Editor Lauren Mead Ludden, Guest Editor Matthew Nickerson, Guest Editor Erin Holness, Assistant Editor Carly Marks, Guest Editor Blogs Emily Schleier, Blog Relations Manager Social Networks Jenn Beese, Social Network Manager Jamie Villarreal, Social Network Associate Advertising Lauren Omura, Dir. of Advertiser Relations Drew Doleski, Director of Advertising Sales Brianna Wheeler, Senior Sales Manager Views expressed in Content do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher or the printed blog inc.

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PHOTOS

Orada Jusatayanond | tpburl.com/p2ydrs

5 Things I’d Rather Do Than Waste My Time With The NFL Combine

Thierry Dehove | tpburl.com/5zd2mt Economy

Central Avenue - Who Knew? By fayeruz | 2/15/09 | Viva Lost Angeles! tpburl.com/5h1v93 In the cinematic masterpiece known in layman’s terms simply as Clueless, Cher hit the nail on the head when describing her Beverly Hills home, “The columns date all the way back to 1972.” It’s true; L.A. has a shabby sense of history. Aside from a few enclaves downtown and in old Hollywood, we are largely without gargoyles, Victorians and baroque architecture. Everything is razed and replaced with a giant stucco box painted in neutral or pastel colors. Just look at the Westside. I was blissfully slapped with a dose of history when I took in the play Blues for Central Avenue. These days, Central Avenue is not so...central. The faded streets are controlled by gangs and is but a bleak strip of liquor stores and-run down apartment buildings. Metal bars are strapped to everything. Little did I know that Count Basie, Duke Ellington and other jazz legends played in clubs all along The Stem - as Central Avenue was once called. During WWII blacks were given jobs that once belonged to soldiers, and the thriving community had money to spend. They opened banks, newspapers and restaurants. The cutting-edge jazz movement rivaled Bourbon Street and attracted the white Hollywood crowds. Blues for Central Avenue brought this heyday back to life, with top-notch swing dancing, jazz music and comedic actors bursting with sentiment. In a perfect world, this play would not only show in Hollywood, but on Central Avenue itself. It may be a catalyst in putting a sense of community back in the neighborhood. Not only was Blues for Central Avenue a great show, but it infused a bit of history and romance into a town ridden with strip malls.

1. Read the original script of Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. If I had a nickel for every Bill S. Preston Esquire “Dude” and every Ted Theodore Logan “Whoh”…..I wouldn’t be in radio anymore. 2. Watch Fox News. That’s enough to make a man lose his lunch. 3. Figure out how to bake a cake. I can’t cook worth you know what….I once burned fried Ice Cream. I figure if I take the time to learn how to properly bake a dessert of some kind without burning my apartment complex down or injuring a small farm animal….there’s a reward. Sweet Chocolaty Goodness!! 4. Run a mile barefoot on a construction site. Sure it may hurt a little, but I can clock my 40 time while avoiding nails, glass and other sharp objects. 5. And finally! Breakdown the 2009 National Yo-Yo Contest!! Did you see this thing on CSN this afternoon!! How bout that “walk the dog” followed by an “around the world” and LOOK AT THAT “creeper”!!!! “FOLKS….THIS KID’S EATING SPAGHETTI!!” This is by far more entertaining than the NFL Combine!!!

Sports

White Sox Spring Training Article Mad Lib By The Cheat | 2/23/09 | South Side Sox tpburl.com/h4sdq0 It was a small moment, but [insert player name here] remembers it well. For [player’s last name], it summed up the whole season. In a [date] game against [opposing team], [player] [threw a pitch/made a play/got a hit/ tore a muscle]. It ultimately never affected the outcome of the game, but for [player name], it certainly affected the rest of the year. “It really put things in perspective for me,” [player] said. “I learned a lot about this team, and about the game, and about myself. I feel like I have a lot of expectations to live up to, not just for myself, but for my team and my teammates.”

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By John Mamola | 2/23/09 | 670 The Score’s Blog tpburl.com/kd08h4 So this past weekend marked the beginning of the most insignificant week in professional sports. NO…I’m not talking about the Bass Masters Championship or the week building up to the Indianapolis 500…..THE NFL COMBINE. This event single handedly shows that there is too much emphasis put on the crap that doesn’t matter in sports rather than if you think that this player can help you win. Seriously….this event makes ESPNU’s coverage of National Signing Day look like a reunion show of Home Improvement. WHO DOESN’T LOVE HOME IMPROVEMENT?? Do I really care about a guy’s 3-cone drill time? How bout the 40 yard dash time? Do you know who had the fastest 40 time in this combine? Ever hear of Darrius Heyward-Bey?? He’s a WR that projected to go late in the first round….does the 40 time improve his draft status?? What do I care if he’s .08 seconds faster than the top WR’s in the upcoming draft, and how bout that broad jump huh?? This is the biggest waste of time and money in professional sports. Worse than any draft, worse than the Pro Bowl, this is worse than the freakin’ NHL preseason schedule!!! So I figure I’d come up with 5 things I’d rather do than tune into 24 hour coverage (way too much) of the NFL Combine.

The Last Word on the economic problems facing pro sports By Marc Isenberg | 12/23/08 | Money Players tpburl.com/7t1bcy Jonathan Last, writing in The Wall Street Journal, asks, “Are Pro Sports Too Big to Fail?” As our economy continues to falter, professional sports leagues and teams are starting to get hit in the gut. The long-held notion that sports is “recession proof” is being shattered. Teams are laying off front-office staff, revenues are declining and sports sponsorships are drying up. Writes Last: “America’s obsession with sports has created a nearly continuous 90-year boom. There have been down moments, but neither the NFL nor MLB has ever contracted, i.e., eliminated, a team -- the ultimate sign of failure. The National Basketball Association hasn’t eliminated a franchise either, since it took on its modern form in 1976. Smith College sports economist Andrew Zimbalist says that the success of pro sports ‘has been linked to the underlying success of the economy. As the economy falters, that will tend to drag down pro sports.’ But Mr. Zimbalist doesn’t see any of the Big Three franchises going under, although he allows that the National Hockey League could be in danger of losing a team or two.”

Fox Sports Radio host Steve Czaban offers a more grim view. If things get really bad, Czaban wonders, “The U.S. government is buying banks, major retailers are going under, and a half-adozen newspapers are folding up shops. Why is it we think this could never happen to sports?” In my opinion, teams that will get hit the hardest will be the ones in mid-market cities reeling from our economic free fall. Also, probably not good times for owners who took on large debt loads to buy teams or build new stadium cathedrals.

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PHOTOS

Erik J. Gustafson | tpburl.com/n871xy

Kevin Lau | tpburl.com/s204m5 Business

How to Get Retweeted By Guy Kawasaki | 2/18/09 | Open Forum by American Express tpburl.com/dp90q5 Forget imitation as the sincerest form of flattery—it’s as twentieth century as ripping off interfaces, songs, photos, and books. Today, the sincerest form of flattery is retweeting—the process of forwarding someone else’s tweet to your followers on Twitter. (I assume that you know about Twitter. If you don’t, take a minute and read this description at Answers.com.) The reason that retweeting is so flattering is that every time people do it, they are putting their reputation on the line. If their followers don’t like the retweet, their reputation is reduced. So whenever someone retweets your tweet, they are expressing confidence that what you’ve tweeted is interesting and good. Thus, the best measure of someone’s quality as a Twitter user is not the number of followers but the amount of retweets. Luckily, there are several sites that measure retweeting: Retweetist and Dan Zarrella’s Most Retweeted. (On both lists, ignore Garymccafrey because that’s a scheme to increase followers and nothing to do with quality retweeting.) These two lists provide a very good proxy for who’s worth following on Twitter. Do notice the Grand-Canyon size difference between these lists of people who are most retweeted and the people who have the most followers at TwitterCounter. Hopefully I’ve convinced you that frequent retweets is a salient goal. The question becomes, “What do I need to do to get retweeted?” Allow me to digress. I was once asked at a blogging conference what my SEO strategy was (search engine optimization—that is, how to get Google to put your stuff higher in search results). I must have been “on” that day because I said, “Write good shiitake.” (Actually, I used a shorter word than “shiitake,” but I can’t post it here.) The answer to getting retweeted is just about the same: tweet good shiitake, and here’s how: • Answer the right question. There are pockets of Twitter users who want to bond with small groups of people and learn the answer to the original Twitter question: “What are you doing?” These are the the folks that enjoy tweets that say, “My cat just rolled over” and “The line at Starbucks is long.” The question you should answer if you want retweets is “What’s interesting?” for your group of followers. For example, the story that Taiwanese scientists bred glow-in-the-dark pigs is a lot more interesting than what your cat is doing and therefore a lot more likely to get retweeted. • Tweet about Twitter. Twitter users love to read about Twitter—anything about Twitter: how to use it better, lists of companies on Twitter, lists of CEOs on Twitter, what some analyst thinks of Twitter, what’s wrong with Twitter, list of Firefox plugins for Twitter, the top ten ugliest avatars—you name it. If you find a blog post or new item about Twitter, tweet it, and it will probably get retweeted. • Explain how to do something. Whether it’s roast a turkey, hot wire a car, take away an assailant’s gun, kiss a woman, polish silverware, or hack a road sign, the words “How to” and “The art of” are magical terms on Twitter and bound to get any tweet starting with them retweeted. This is because anything starting with these terms is likely to be educational. Power tip: use Lifehacks.alltop and GTD.alltop. • Break news. Ironically, you shouldn’t assume that everyone instantly knows that a plane landed in the Hudson just because you do. You could probably follow the Twitter newsbot of CNN (@cnnbrk), retweet its tweets, and get retweeted. Still, what’s the challenge in that? It would be better to find news from niche topics that you are passionate about whether is science (first frozen water found on Mars), fashion, psychology, pets, or politics. If in doubt, tweet it. Most tweets are noise, so yours will probably stand out. • Provide the bizarre. Sometimes it scares me, but tweets about bizarre stuff works. For example, could you resist reading and then retweeting a story about robbers who were caught after using women’s thong underwear to cover their faces? Believe it or not, stuff like this gets retweeted. • Provide links. There mere existence of a link in your tweet enhances its credibility. Essentially, it’s saying: “This isn’t something I made up or wish; I actually have a verifiable, outside source.” I realize that this is stretching the point, but links are pretty irresistible and get more so as you increase your credibility. The goal is that the link takes people to something that’s enlightening or entertaining, and they thank you by retweeting it. For example, the neuroscience of social conformity. Finally, there are two tips from Dan Zarrella in “The Science of ReTweets” (this posting inspired me to write this in the first place). First, don’t hesitate to ask people to retweet your tweet. “Please” is a powerful word no matter who you are. Second, tweet from approximately 9:00 am to 2:00 pm Pacific time. My interpretation of Dan’s recommendation is that the West Coast is now up and at work and the East Coast is eating lunch at their desks so that they are checking Twitter.

Al Morales | tpburl.com/30qpzy

Media

Does Social Media Make Us Better People? By Pete Cashmore | 2/21/09 | Mashable tpburl.com/ydxsj0 We’re tracked everywhere these days, and not just by the growing number of CCTV cameras in our cities or the effortless traceability of cellphones. Rather, I’m talking about the cameraphone user who automatically uploads her photos to Flickr or Twitpic, who with the tap of a screen can post a video to YouTube or stream a scene live on Qik. I’m talking about the immediacy and accessibility of Twitter messages that make private conversations public; tools that open up the very real possibility that every action you take, whether in a public space or in seemingly private emails and text messages, is being logged and possibly shared with thousands of people. How does this change the way we act? Might it actually make us…nicer to one another? Video Sharing: The 1984 scenario is one we’re conditioned to fear: an all-powerful government judging our every move. And yet this new media landscape isn’t as favorable to the authorities as Orwell thought: numerous cases of alleged police brutality, most famously the “Don’t Tase Me Bro” incident in 2006, have been posted to YouTube, resulting in very public discussion of incidents that may otherwise have stayed under the public’s radar. Or how about the total destruction, in 2006, of Michael Richards’ comedy career after a racist rant in a comedy club was posted to YouTube to public outrage? (Richards was previously best known as Seinfeld’s “Kramer”.) Jumping forward to 2009, the Christian Bale incident, audio of which was spread widely on YouTube, shows that even a temporary loss of your cool is a permanent stain on your public profile (look, for instance, at the record of the incident on Bale’s Wikipedia page). Photo Sharing: Did Miley Cyrus mock Asian people in a widely-shared photograph? The Organization of Chinese Americans thought so, and extracted an apology from the Hannah Montana star earlier this month. Equally controversial in some sections of society (but less so in others): a cameraphone pic of Michael Phelps smoking a bong taken last November. It lost him numerous endorsement deals. Trial-by-cameraphone is not a new phenomenon, however; nor is it limited to celebrities. In 2005, South Korea’s “Dog Poop Girl” endured public humiliation after her lack of manners was exposed in a series of cameraphone pics posted online. The tools available to capture and share content online have become far more sophisticated in recent years, but the mechanism remains the same. Twitter and Micro-Messaging: Twitter, now entering the mainstream, still lacks the critical mass of celebrity names to create newsworthy emotional outbursts or moral deviations. And yet the community has already instigated its own implicit rules of behavior. Take, for instance, the Astrospace incident, wherein a momentary loss of temper became a widelydiscussed topic in that community: it appeared numerous times on Twitter’s “Trending Topics” (the most talked about issues at any given moment). Rise of the Social Conscience? These are unsatisfactory examples, perhaps - and I hope you’ll submit better ones in the comments. My question: is there a case to be made that social media - the fact that everyone is now a publisher and a distributor of content - might improve our behavior, both in public and private? Or is that wishful thinking?

Views expressed in Content do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher or the printed blog inc.

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Politics

Entertainment

Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday By Bill in Portland Maine | 2/1/09 | Daily Kos George W. Bush Joins Facebook: Day One

tpburl.com/myr7gb

George is now friends with Condi Rice, Karl Rove, Sean Hannity, Antonin Scalia and Tom DeLay George W. Bush is sayin’ howdy! My first post---wOOt! What’s up? 3:08pm February 23 Scooter Libby at 3:09pm February 23 Why didn’t you pardon me, you prick? Sarah Palin at 3:09pm February 23 Thanks but no thanks. I’d rather pal around with terrorists. Mitch McConnell at 3:10pm February 23 Now I can say it---you really sucked. Tom DeLay invited you to join the Bitter Aging Texans Group George is now friends with Dana Perino, Tony Blair and King Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz Al Saud Grover Norquist at 3:11pm February 23 I told you to reduce the size of the government so you could drown it in the bathtub. You grew the size of the government, toweled it off, then blew up the bathtub. Your dad’s right--you got hit with a special kind of dumbstick. Scooter Libby, Sarah Palin and Mitch McConnell like this comment Condi Rice at 3:12pm February 23 Friends 4evuh!!! {{{Mr. President}}}

The Little FM Station That Couldn’t By Krissy MacQueen | 2/20/09 | Fetching and Kvetching tpburl.com/wgb9vt It’s a sad day, my friends... For today marks the official death of talk radio in Los Angeles. Today at 5pm, CBS will be pulling the plug on KLSX - better known as 97.1 FM TALK. Adam Carolla, Teresa Strasser, Frosty Stilwell, Heidi Hamilton, Frank Kramer, Tim Conway Jr., Danny Bonaduce, and that bastion of integrity Tom Leykis will all cease to be heard on LA radio. The business of radio is not always kind to the people whom it employs - it feels like it was just yesterday when KYSR’s Jamie White, Jack Heine and Mike Roberts (aka Jamie, Jack and Stench) were conspicuously yanked off of 98.7’s airwaves with no explanation. No goodbye. No “best-of” wind-down series for the affiliates. No contract buy-out for the talent. Nada. Ouch. Unlike Clear Channel, CBS has been classy enough to give the talent two days to say goodbye to the listeners, and I’ve been faithfully plugged in listening. Yesterday, Leykis took the opportunity to thank his fans for their continued loyalty for more than 10 years, and, in a surprising show of humility, he exalted the brass at CBS as Great Employers who have always looked out for him - and have subsequently taken care of him nicely... Quite nicely, or so he alluded. ...And just how nicely are they taking care of good ol’ Tom? Are they doing so well by him that the whole radio station went down in flames as a result? Could 97.1 have been saved if it weren’t for the greediness of Tom Leykis? Yes, if you ask Frank Stilwell. In a gloves-off broadcast this afternoon, the second ‘F’ of Frosty, Heidi, and Frank blasted the misogynistic afternoon-drive host, saying Tom Leykis KILLED this radio station. We were all asked to take a pay cut, and *everyone* said ‘Ok, we’ll bend. We’ll follow in the footsteps of Barack Obama and do our part. We’ll all take a pay cut to save this station.’ And guess who WOULDN’T. So when you listen to his last two hours tonight about how much he loves the listeners and all that bullcrap, just know - he doesn’t care about them; he never did. I don’t care WHAT he says - that man killed this station. He is responsible.

Forgive me if you were also listening and find that what I’ve written here isn’t 100% verbatim Frank’s quotes - it’s hard to transcribe when three people are talking at once - but this was the sentiment, the gist, the overall feeling of anger and hatred that poured out from the stereo speakers. He was serious. This was no radio shtick; no silly-DJ banter on the last day. Frank. Was. Pissed. For their part, Heidi and Frosty did their best to steer Frank back on the ‘hey, we’re on to better things’ bandwagon - though they did divulge that they agreed to take pay cuts to save the station, as would Carolla. For what it’s worth, Frank eventually broke down in tears over the death over their show and station, and called everyone (Tom included) “family.” ...But wow. Just plain wow. I guess if this is true - and the station could have had a reprieve if Leykis would’ve agreed to a pay cut then that makes him the selfish, neglectful and arrogant father of the “family.” And if it’s *not* true, then Leykis will have a chance to clear the air and defend himself at 3pm. I worry for the future of radio. **UPDATE** At 3pm, Leykis took a moment to address Frank’s accusations, and his defense can basically be summed up in two words: “prove it.” Tom ended it by musing that maybe Frank was just “jealous” of his contract and security in life, and then condescendingly offered Frank the opportunity to use his bandwidth for the FHF podcast, in exchange for “working on [his] ranch planting tomatoes and possibly grapes.” Wow.

Dick Cheney at 3:13pm February 23 Why didn’t you pardon Scooter you prick??? Scooter Libby likes this comment General Colin Powell (Ret.) sent you a bucket of virtual maggots. Elizabeth Dole at 3:14pm February 23 Here---have a hot cuppa STFU Bob Dole likes this comment Michael Steele at 3:15pm February 23 Facebook is the only party in town, baby. Mainly because you KILLED OURS!!! John McCain wants to send you a virtual can of coal slag and a bag of rusty nails Norm Coleman just threw a shoe at you. King Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz Al Saud at 3:35pm February 23 Where is the Scrabble page? I wish to play Scrabble now. Scooter Libby likes this comment

PHOTOS

PHOTOS

Erik J. Gustafson | tpburl.com/n871xy

Dude, That’s Not Music

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theprintedblog.com

Clayton Hauck | tpburl.com/0fzxq8

Erik J. Gustafson | tpburl.com/n871xy

By fayeruz | 2/19/09 | Viva Lost Angeles! tpburl.com/q9msnc When the giant Indie 103.1 fell, public radio station KCRW was all over it. Taking out a full page ad in the LA WEEKLY, they announced their rivals’ collapse, and were careful not to outwardly celebrate the anticipated surge in their listenership. Instead, they reinforced this promotional message: We all have a right to independent music. But KCRW isn’t the only station to adopt the influx of confused, Indie kids without a radio wave to ride home. Out of a little building on the Loyola Marymount campus blasts a radio signal for KXLU. Years ago, I would listen to teens in still-developing voices take shifts between classes, popping in records from Rilo Kiley and The Magnetic Fields. One grad student with a booming baritone was so passionate about 40’s jazz guitarist Charlie Christian, that we all fell in love with him. They would always play my song requests for those harrowing morning commutes. When I needed to avoid looping news on NPR or shameless jock rock on KROQ, I’d flip my dial to the artful, homespun station. Then something changed. There seemed to be a silent contest between the students to see who could find the most obscure, avant garde band. It was the ever-so-familiar “Who’s More Punk?” contest that moved from an isolated social sphere to a public arena. And the music went downhill from there. Elliot Smith and Fugazi were replaced by bands with names like, Giraffe Chainsaw Melody and Winged Pistol School Bus. Poor listeners sat on congested freeways listening to spoons scraping guitar strings and crashing dishes in the background. The student DJs sat pleased with themselves, thinking, “Ha. Top that one.” Of course the DJ on the next shift would play a ballad featuring a screeching cat, a banjo and an alphabetical reading of Vietnamese last names. Worse, the sincere enthusiasm was replaced by apathetic droning. Girls in pixie voices mumble, “Sooo, like, um...” and mussed hair depressives who believe dead air is okay make make awkward sounds every one in a while. KXLU, we get it. You’re different. You’re light years ahead of the rest of this big, dumb population. Now can you please go back to playing real music? Thank you.