The Mercury Room Chronicles- Generations- Chapter10

CHAPTER TEN ELEMENTARY ‘I can’t believe he’s done it to me again!’ The Eighth Manager fumed angrily, balling his fists. ‘How on Earth can this be a fair contest?’ ‘You wouldn’t be complaining if things were unfairly tipped in your favour,’ The Eighth Dr. said with a wry smile. ‘Of course I wouldn’t,’ The Manager snapped. ‘Who would? There’s nobody stupid enough to complain when they’re got the advantage! That’s just madness!’ ‘Maybe that’s why I always win,’ The Dr. said, smirking. ‘You don’t always win,’ The Manager growled. ‘Alright,’ The Dr. said, seating himself at the empty dining table. ‘Name one time where you’ve won and I haven’t … aside from that last game. One time, give me one example.’ ‘Metabolvic Four,’ The Manager huffed simply. ‘Oh, yeah,’ The Dr. nodded slowly. ‘I remember now. But that’s the only time …’ ‘How about that time at Pollux Twelve I’ve heard so much about?’ The Manager cut across him. ‘I haven’t done it yet, I believe my Tenth incarnation takes care of it, but I would call that a win for me.’ ‘That’s more of a stalemate to be honest,’ The Dr. shrugged. ‘We both lost that time.’ ‘I wouldn’t call it a loss to see you suffering the deaths of two of those pretty little companions you keep around,’ The Manager grinned. ‘I do hope they were in terrible pain.’ ‘Not really,’ The Dr. shrugged as though he didn’t care. ‘They were unconscious.’ ‘Pity,’ The Manager said, running his finger across the assembled weaponry that littered the table before them. A rope, a piece of lead piping, a candle stick, a dagger, a spanner and a revolver. ‘But still, I find it intolerable that your assistants are the ones whom are to be interrogated. Your assistants are the ones from whom we gain information in order to determine which one of them is the supposed murderer.’ ‘What’s your point?’ The Dr. asked, examining the dagger. ‘Well, they’re hardly going to help me are they?!’ The Manager fumed as he strode across to the double doors that separated the Dining Room from the Lounge where the suspects and the Badabooms were all still located. ‘Well, they’re not allowed to lie to either one of us,’ The Dr. shrugged. ‘So it hardly matters either way. Anyhow, I should be the pissed off one, you’ve got crack investigative officers on your side to help you figure it out. I’m on my todd.’ ‘That’s true,’ The Manager said, holding the Revolver up to the light. ‘But what you call crack investigative officers, I call dullards with barely enough brains to pass standard O Levels.’ ‘You mean GCSE’s,’ The Dr. corrected. ‘No, I meant O Levels,’ The Manager corrected. ‘I don’t make mistakes, Dr.’ ‘You make hundreds of mistakes!’ The Dr. laughed. ‘Every time we come at eachother. I don’t rely on blind luck; I rely on you doing something stupid.’ ‘Yes, you keep making your jokes.’ ‘I wasn’t joking,’ The Dr. sniffed. ‘I’m serious, Nigel. You’re your own worst enemy.’ ‘I’ll take it under advisement,’ The Manager clucked, smiling as he ran a hand over the lead piping. ‘I do believe I’ve come to a conclusion as to the scene and the weapon. All that remains now is the murderer themselves.’ ‘You know the scene and the weapon?’ The Dr. frowned. ‘How? You haven’t asked any questions yet.’ ‘Elementary my dear, stupid Dr.,’ The Manager tisked lightly. ‘Follow, and you will see my masterful brain in full operation.’ ‘I’d much rather stick my head up an Axil’s puss-shaft,’ The Dr. huffed. ‘But I kinda want to see what happens.’ He rose from his seat, brushed down his blue coat and followed The Manager back into the Lounge.

‘Well now,’ The Manager said, looking around the assembled aliens and Allucians. ‘Somebody in here has been very naughty indeed. Now, you are going to help me find the nasty, nasty person responsible, aren’t you?’ Elysium looked up from where she had been absently flicking through a book on a shelf. ‘If you talk to me like I’m mentally challenged again, Video Lord, I’ll disembowel you, fill you with candy, take you to a Mexican party, hang you on a tree branch and then give all the children present baseball bats covered in nails, broken glass and razor blades … do I make myself clear?’ ‘Perfectly,’ The Manager said, smiling at her as though she had just made a humorous comment. ‘Now then, let us get down to the business of the matter. Somebody has been murdered in this house, by one of you six,’ The Manager nodded unapprovingly at the Allucians. ‘The question is … Who dunnit?’ ‘Is he going to go on all night?’ Jason, posing as Professor Plumb, asked irritably. ‘If you let him, he will,’ The Dr. nodded. ‘I’ll cut his tongue out before then,’ Elysium said in a warning tone. ‘So, who is it that’s supposedly been murdered then?’ The Eighth Dr. asked Elysium quietly as The Manager continued to pace through the room monologuing to himself. ‘Some fool named Mister Body.’ Elysium shrugged. ‘How very original it is … I should rend this idiotic scenario into millions of unrecognizable fragments! How dare this so-called Supreme Being transport me from my rightful place into this fantasy world. The very nerve!’ ‘Well, if you can put your anger to one side for a minute,’ The Dr. said, biting his lip, knowing full-well that Elysium was willing and able to destroy everybody in the room. ‘Maybe even, put it into a little ball and just, lock it away in a little box … maybe … for me, your husband.’ ‘I owe you nothing,’ Elysium snapped. ‘You were merely a tool I used to escape The Forbidden Zone once and for all, now that it has been destroyed, I no longer require our marriage.’ ‘Yeah, but its nice to have someone, isn’t it?’ The Dr. said simply. ‘So, with that in mind, what information can you tell me?’ ‘I have never played this childish game before,’ Elysium scowled. ‘I only know the knowledge that I am to rely to the pair of you so that one of you can solve the mystery.’ ‘…And that would be?’ The Dr. prompted. Elysium glared furiously at him and sneered. ‘I was in the Kitchen when I heard a scream,’ she said, pulling a silly face and twirling her hair in her hands unnecessarily, making her voice sound like that of a simpleton. ‘I went to investigate, and that’s when I found the body.’ ‘Where?’ The Dr. pressed. ‘I’m not allowed to tell you, idiot,’ Elysium scoffed. ‘That is part of your deduction.’ ‘Alright then,’ The Dr. nodded. ‘You aren’t lying to me though, are you?’ ‘I cannot lie in this game,’ Elysium said gruffly. ‘I can only rely my story.’ ‘Yeah,’ The Dr. clucked. ‘But, obviously, if you’re the murderer, you’d lie to me … and then probably lie about lying.’ ‘I’ll crush your testicles if you continue to babble at me in that irritating fashion,’ Elysium snapped. ‘Okiedokie,’ The Dr. said and walked off as quickly as he could towards the other Allucian members. He passed by the Badabooms and gave them a mock salute. ‘Evenin’ gents,’ he said with a bob of his head. ‘Nice night for it, egh?’ ‘Okay,’ The Manager said, standing to his full height, looking very pleased with himself. ‘I can now make my final deduction.’ ‘What?’ The Dr. exclaimed. ‘You’ve only been talking to them for a couple of minutes!’ ‘Quite so, but I have quickly accumulated the facts from these five,’ he waved his hand across those standing around the armchairs. ‘And I overheard the conversation you were having with your charming spouse over there. You’ve been far too slow in this game Dr., that is why I shall win, tying the score between us.’ ‘Go on then,’ Jason frowned. ‘Put us out of our mystery, who killed the sorry bastard?’

‘Not so fast, my dear miniscule Professor Plum,’ The Manager chuckled. ‘I shall unravel this mystery fully, because I want the Dr. to witness exactly how superior I am to him mentally.’ ‘Oh, Christ,’ The Dr. huffed, flopping down in an armchair. ‘I’ll get comfortable then shall I?’ ‘I’d advise it,’ The Manager chuckled. ‘Save your strength for when you loose this contest and are blown to oblivion.’ ‘The joy,’ The Dr. puffed, resting his chin on his hand and waved for The Manager to get on with it. The Manager nodded his approval and began to pace around the room. ‘My suspicions were first aroused when we entered the room.’ ‘Your suspicions?!’ The Dr. scoffed. ‘You didn’t have a bloody clue what was going on at first.’ ‘Oh, contraire,’ The Manager said haughtily. ‘I’d recognize a murder-mystery affair from a mile away, blindfolded.’ ‘You’re such a liar,’ The Dr. snorted. ‘My suspicions were instantly aroused as we entered. I noticed the party of guests seated around in a calm fashion, though one person was clearly deeply affected by the affair,’ The Manager pierced the air with a finger. ‘I put it to you, Reverend Green,’ he said, turning to Pater Aurelius. ‘That you had something to hide, something that you clearly felt troubled by.’ ‘So, he’s the murderer?’ The Dr. frowned. ‘No,’ The Manager said with a wry smile. ‘No, the Reverend here, being a man of the cloth was distraught to learn that an acquaintance of his had been murdered so very brutally. No, The Reverend was quietly studying in the Library when the ghastly scene occurred.’ Pater Aurelius breathed a notable sigh of relief. ‘Quite right,’ the Priest nodded. ‘For doth it not say in Gunsandammo, Chapter Delta, Verse thirty-twelve … “And lo, look not into the eye of the hose that is presented by the badgers of darkness, for they art known to me, and their ways are opposed to those who bear nuts about their earlobes”? … Amen …’ ‘Can I kill him?’ Elysium asked thunderously. ‘So, if it wasn’t the vicar,’ The Dr. puffed, then who was it?’ ‘I’m coming to that,’ The Manager said, puffing out his chest. ‘Next, it was Mrs Peacock who drew my attention.’ ‘You know, if I had my tiara,’ Roxy said in an even tone. ‘I’d have them rip you a new one.’ ‘She’s certainly hostile … but no, she was in the Hall with Colonel Mustard at the time of the murder. Their stories collaborate eachother.’ ‘Oh, really,’ Jason said, leering over his armchair. ‘Just what were you two doing together?’ ‘We weren’t actually there,’ Roxy said sharply. ‘That’s just the back-stories we’re supposed to tell.’ ‘We were getting’ it on!’ Ron grinned at Jason, raising his shades to wink at the Moderator. ‘In your dreams,’ Roxy thundered. ‘Every night,’ Ron smirked at her. Roxy grimaced and turned away. ‘As I was saying,’ The Manager said loudly. ‘I eliminated Mrs Peacock and Colonel Mustard from my investigations. Next was Professor Plum.’ ‘I was in the Billiard Room,’ Jason said, waving an uninterested hand. ‘Quite right,’ The Manager nodded. ‘Ms. Scarlet was in the Dining room, which then brings us back to Mrs White … or rather, Mrs Dr.,’ ‘I was in the Kitchen,’ Elysium said sternly. ‘I heard the screams and went to investigate.’ ‘Ah yes, so you say,’ The Manager sneered and turned to The Dr. ‘Notice anything?’ ‘Does it matter if I did?’ The Dr. shrugged. ‘You’re going to tell me anyway.’ The Manager rearranged his spectacles and his smile broadened. ‘Nobody else heard a scream.’ The others looked from one to the other and nodded their understanding.

‘A flaw in your story, a piece of information out of place with everybody else’s narrative. I can only lead to the conclusion that you are the murderer.’ ‘That’s some mighty fine detection work there, sir,’ One of the Badabooms declared brashly. ‘Yes, yes it was, wasn’t it?’ The Manager nodded pompously. ‘Now, the murder wasn’t in the Kitchen, that was Mrs White’s alibi destination, which leaves only the Conservatory … And since nobody mentioned hearing a gunshot, we can eliminate the revolver as a murder weapon, so to can we eliminate the rope as it would require strangulation and as such, would cause a lot of noise during the struggle.’ ‘You’re very intuitive,’ Elysium noted. ‘WHAT?!’ The Dr. shouted, leaping to his feet and glaring at Elysium accusingly. ‘You said you weren’t lying!’ ‘Oh, come now, Dr.!’ The Manager cooed. ‘What else would a murderer tell you? Do think about these things before you speak and allow everybody to see what an utter idiot you really are … where was I?’ ‘Murder weapon sir,’ A Badaboom grunted. ‘Ah yes, the murder weapon,’ The Manager said, patting his lip. ‘We have the dagger, but it’s possible that the victim would be alive for a short time if they were stabbed with the dagger, plenty of time to cry out for help.’ ‘Not unless I cut his throat,’ Elysium glared. ‘Quite possible,’ The Manager noted. ‘You are certainly vicious enough, but no … it was one of the blunt instruments that you utilized. I can only deduce that you would have used the Lead Pipe, the Spanner is far too unseemly for you, and to get the Candlestick, you would have to have entered the Dining Room, and that was occupied by Ms. Scarlet, she would have seen you. So, I make my final conclusion! Mrs White! In the Conservatory! With the Lead Pipe!’ Thunder and lightning resounded outside the house, lighting up the Lounge in a bright white light. ‘IS THAT YOUR FINAL ANSWER?’ Raljex’s voice boomed throughout the room. ‘It is,’ The Manager nodded sternly. The thunder rumbled and the lightning flashed again. ‘THAT ANSWER IS ONLY ONE THIRD CORRECT.’ ‘Excuse me?’ The Manager’s jaw dropped. ‘NOW, IF THE DR. CAN ANSWER CORRECTLY, HE WILL WIN THE GAME … IF HE CANNOT, YOU WILL BOTH HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO REVIEW YOUR ANSWERS.’ ‘Come on Doc!’ Ron said enthusiastically from the sofa. ‘Get it right!’ ‘Oh, good lord!’ The Dr. grimaced, biting his lip. ‘I can’t believe it,’ The Manager said, pounding his palm with his fist. ‘My deduction was flawless!’ ‘Apparently not,’ Roxy said beamed falsely at him. ‘This is your chance Dr.,’ Jason said. ‘Outfox him!’ ‘He can’t outfox me!’ The Manager fumed. ‘He’s an imbecile!’ ‘Oi!’ Jason scowled. ‘He’s The Dr.! No matter what’s happened to him since he was our Dr., he’s still brilliant!’ ‘You really wouldn’t say that if you saw Seventh,’ The Eighth Dr. said quietly, running his hands fiercely through his hair as he ran all the facts through his own mind again. Two parts of The Manager’s answer were wrong … He didn’t doubt The Conservatory being the scene, that much was a given. That meant that it wasn’t Elysium, nor had the lead pipe been used as the weapon. However, if Elysium wasn’t the killer then that meant that everybody’s story was the same. They were all in other parts of the house when the murder was committed. There was no variation, it was the same story for everybody. It just didn’t make sense unless … ‘I’ve got it,’ The Dr. smiled.