The Hillside Onion - Issue 18.5
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THE HILLSIDE ONION
(issue 18½, special koan edition – November 22, 2009)
We received a scattering of very good koans… thus the special follow-up edition. So, you may commence meditation on these:
From Ann Frank: • If you have a lawn gnome, I will leave it for you. •
If you have no lawn gnome, I will uproot it. Without moving your lips, count our empty wine bottles.
From RJ: •
Does the honey bee know you ate her honey? Would you eat and still feel smugly PC if you knew that it took a week’s worth of work for the honey bee to make one teaspoon?
From Jim Hurley: • Three Hillside residents were arguing about the true value of the Hillside Onion.
One thought it to be of literary excellence; another thought it to be pure insanity; while the third was confused and did not know. Then came along Busby, who did his business in their presence. His Zen Master, with grace and precision, in one motion swept up the business with Issue #18 of The Hillside Onion… thus revealing it’s highest purpose to all.
From your editor: • What is a cat-whisperer? • Can a Westie that lacks even one useful testie, find zesty? • Does Fritzi’s Bauer live life in 24 one hour increments? • Is a turkey tryptophan high (stupor) anything to feel ‘thankful’ for? • Can conic sections be considered partial koans or just parts of cones? •
I may rake the leaves into MacCleay again, but do they know that the sweeper next seeks the wisdom of their decay on December 3rd?
From Fritzi Frager (who the staff still thinks is a Druid): • _____ __ _____ ______ _ _______ _______ __?
<she’s still working on one>
From the amazing world-wide-web (two funny ones found by your editor): •
•
Zen is like a finger pointing at the Moon; once you've seen the Moon, there is no longer any need for the finger. Unless you have to scratch yourself or something. If you have ice cream then I give you ice cream. If you do not have ice cream, I shall take your ice cream. This is an ice cream koan. - BENJERI
… enlightened yet?
Have a happy Thanksgiving.
(issue 18½, special koan edition – November 22, 2009)
We received a scattering of very good koans… thus the special follow-up edition. So, you may commence meditation on these:
From Ann Frank: • If you have a lawn gnome, I will leave it for you. •
If you have no lawn gnome, I will uproot it. Without moving your lips, count our empty wine bottles.
From RJ: •
Does the honey bee know you ate her honey? Would you eat and still feel smugly PC if you knew that it took a week’s worth of work for the honey bee to make one teaspoon?
From Jim Hurley: • Three Hillside residents were arguing about the true value of the Hillside Onion.
One thought it to be of literary excellence; another thought it to be pure insanity; while the third was confused and did not know. Then came along Busby, who did his business in their presence. His Zen Master, with grace and precision, in one motion swept up the business with Issue #18 of The Hillside Onion… thus revealing it’s highest purpose to all.
From your editor: • What is a cat-whisperer? • Can a Westie that lacks even one useful testie, find zesty? • Does Fritzi’s Bauer live life in 24 one hour increments? • Is a turkey tryptophan high (stupor) anything to feel ‘thankful’ for? • Can conic sections be considered partial koans or just parts of cones? •
I may rake the leaves into MacCleay again, but do they know that the sweeper next seeks the wisdom of their decay on December 3rd?
From Fritzi Frager (who the staff still thinks is a Druid): • _____ __ _____ ______ _ _______ _______ __?
<she’s still working on one>
From the amazing world-wide-web (two funny ones found by your editor): •
•
Zen is like a finger pointing at the Moon; once you've seen the Moon, there is no longer any need for the finger. Unless you have to scratch yourself or something. If you have ice cream then I give you ice cream. If you do not have ice cream, I shall take your ice cream. This is an ice cream koan. - BENJERI
… enlightened yet?
Have a happy Thanksgiving.
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