The Final Draft.docx

Essay With Revisions 1. Insert your entire essay here. Include any revisions your instructor asked you to make. Immigrants have to go through things that nobody would ever want to go through in their life. People can try to enter illegally into a country for a majority of reasons, to find or engage in paid work, to find better living conditions, to reunite with family (like Enrique from Enrique’s Journey did), or to simply just find a better life, the reasons are virtually endless. The issue is making the trip itself, some issues that people may encounter along the way are not only natural problems, like extreme weather conditions, and other natural disasters, but it may be people as well. On the way to a better life, immigrants my encounter, bandits, thieves, corrupt police officers, gangsters, and immigration services that will most likely send them back to where they began. Immigrants face several problems as they attempt to make it into a better life. Everyday illegal immigrants get caught, on the way, or in the United States, and they end up getting deported, if they end up getting deported they sometimes can’t even afford another trip back to America or back to the border. In the article In Crisis, Greece Rounds up Immigrants written by Costas Kantouris, which I recently read, it spoke of an immigration problem in Athens Greece. The article spoke of how there were “roundups” of the immigrants on the street. The majority of them were cuffed and treated unfairly and cruelly. They were being lined up to be into detention leading to an eventual deportation at times. The numbers were incredible, the police in Athene’s apprehended nearly 7,000 people and 1,700 were going to get deported. Deportation wasn’t the only thing the immigrants had to deal with, they had to live through the horrors of racism. Every day it was racial profiling, prejudice, discrimination, and severely unfair treatment. As I continued to read through the article I ended up reading about what the police would do to the immigrants. Instead of protecting them and advocating racism, the police officers would beat them, degrade them, and give them terrible treatment due to the color of their skin. Adults aren’t the only immigrants to illegally cross borders though. There is an alarming rate of young children, and teenagers attempting to illegally cross the border to find their parents. A recent article that I’ve read called Surge in child immigrants stresses support network which was also written by Fox News, reports that from October 2011 through March, there was 5252 children who landed in U.S. Custody, each of those children didn’t have a guardian or a single parent with them. According to Fox News, and their statistics, that’s a 93% increase from 2010. The numbers don’t lie, in March of 2011 alone there were 1,390 children arrivals. At times though children come for more reasons than just finding their parents. They come from all around the world, and South America, just to find more opportunities in the United States. At times they make the journey to send money to their home, to escape violence in their homeland, or just a chance for a better life. At times you always hear about the immigrants that are outside of the United States, but what about the ones that are already in the country? America has several problems with immigrants that are already here. Which are sometimes unfair to the immigrants. At times

people really have to consider if it’s worth coming to America, people don’t really have the same fair opportunities as others, why you ask? Well according to Stuart Anderson who wrote America's Immigration Problems Won't Solve Themselves, a problem is the low annual quota on employment based green cards and the per country limits within those quotas. Meaning immigrants from China and India get a harder time because they have to wait an exponentially longer time, almost around 10 years or potentially much more. Another problem that may arise for immigrants that are already living in the United States would be to bring their children here. Due to the upgrades in border security they aren’t allowed to leave and come back with their kids as easily as they did the first time. Several times they have to leave their kids in the hands of a smuggler or somebody whom can sneak them inside of the United States undetected. Based on the research that I’ve conducted, I can conclude this essay by saying that it doesn’t matter who, or why someone would want to enter the United States, the problem isn’t getting in, it’s more getting to, they have to embark on a long, challenging, tedious journey that not many make it through, encountering criminals, natural disasters, and others along the way.

Grammar 2. Check your essay for grammatical errors. Highlight or underline any parts of your essay that should be corrected. o

Look for incorrect uses of "who" and "whom."

o

Look for incorrect uses of "affect" and effect."

o

Look for sentences that are not using proper parallel structure.

Correct the grammatical errors you identified and place your revised essay here. Immigrants have to go through things that nobody would ever want to go through in their life. People can try to enter illegally into a country for a majority of reasons, to find or engage in paid work, to find better living conditions, to reunite with family (like Enrique from Enrique’s Journey did), or to simply just find a better life, the reasons are virtually endless. The issue is making the trip itself, some issues that people may encounter along the way are not only natural problems, like extreme weather conditions, and other natural disasters, but it may be people as well. On the way to a better life, immigrants my encounter, bandits, thieves, corrupt police officers, gangsters, and immigration services that will most likely send them back to where they began. Immigrants face several problems as they attempt to make it into a better life. Everyday illegal immigrants get caught, on the way, or in the United States, and they end up getting deported, if they end up getting deported they sometimes can’t even afford another trip back to America or back to the border. In the article In Crisis, Greece Rounds up Immigrants written by Costas Kantouris, which I recently read, it spoke of an immigration problem in Athens Greece. The article spoke of how there were “roundups” of the immigrants on the street. The majority of them were cuffed and treated unfairly and cruelly. They were being lined up to be into detention leading to an eventual deportation at times. The numbers were incredible, the police in Athene’s apprehended nearly 7,000 people and 1,700 were going to get deported. Deportation wasn’t the only thing the immigrants had to deal with, they had to live through the horrors of racism. Every day it was racial profiling, prejudice, discrimination, and severely unfair treatment. As I continued to read through the article I ended up reading about what the police would do to the immigrants. Instead of protecting them and advocating racism, the police officers would beat them, degrade them, and give them terrible treatment due to the color of their skin. Adults aren’t the only immigrants to illegally cross borders though. There is an alarming rate of young children, and teenagers attempting to illegally cross the border to find their parents. A recent article that I’ve read called Surge in child immigrants stresses support network which was also written by Fox News, reports that from October 2011 through March, there was 5252 children who landed in U.S. Custody, each of those children didn’t have a guardian or a single parent with them. According to Fox News, and their statistics, that’s a 93% increase from 2010. The numbers don’t lie, in March of 2011 alone there were 1,390 children arrivals. At times though children come for more reasons than just finding their parents. They come from all around the world, and South America, just to find more opportunities in the United States. At times they make the journey to send money to their home, to escape violence in their homeland, or just a chance for a better life. At times you always hear about the immigrants that are outside of the United States, but what about the ones that are already in the country? America has several problems with immigrants that are already here. Which are sometimes unfair to the immigrants. At times people really have to consider if it’s worth coming to America, people don’t really have the same fair opportunities as others, why you ask? Well according to Stuart Anderson who wrote

America's Immigration Problems Won't Solve Themselves, a problem is the low annual quota on employment based green cards and the per country limits within those quotas. Meaning immigrants from China and India get a harder time because they have to wait an exponentially longer time, almost around 10 years or potentially much more. Another problem that may arise for immigrants that are already living in the United States would be to bring their children here. Due to the upgrades in border security they aren’t allowed to leave and come back with their kids as easily as they did the first time. Several times they have to leave their kids in the hands of a smuggler or somebody whom can sneak them inside of the United States undetected. Based on the research that I’ve conducted, I can conclude this essay by saying that it doesn’t matter who, or why someone would want to enter the United States, the problem isn’t getting in, it’s more getting to, they have to embark on a long, challenging, tedious journey that not many make it through, encountering criminals, natural disasters, and others along the way.

Transitions 4. In your revised essay above, highlight the transitions you used. Based on your highlighting, what can you do to improve your transitions? Do you need to: include transitions, use more advanced transitions, or revise some of your transitions in different ways?

My essay will be improved if I fix the transitions because it will allow for a smoother, more fluent read.

Use the transition sheet to help you revise your transitions. Paste your revised essay here.

Immigrants have to go through things that nobody would ever want to go through in their life. People can try to enter illegally into a country for a majority of reasons, to find or engage in paid work, to find better living conditions, to reunite with family (like Enrique from Enrique’s Journey did), or to simply just find a better life, the reasons are virtually endless. The

issue is making the trip itself, some issues that people may encounter along the way are not only natural problems, like extreme weather conditions, and other natural disasters, but it may be people as well. On the way to a better life, immigrants my encounter, bandits, thieves, corrupt police officers, gangsters, and immigration services that will most likely send them back to where they began. Immigrants face several problems as they attempt to make it into a better life. Everyday illegal immigrants get caught, on the way, or in the United States, and they end up getting deported, if they end up getting deported they sometimes can’t even afford another trip back to America or back to the border. In the article In Crisis, Greece Rounds up Immigrants written by Costas Kantouris, which I recently read, it spoke of an immigration problem in Athens Greece. The article spoke of how there were “roundups” of the immigrants on the street. The majority of them were cuffed and treated unfairly and cruelly. They were being lined up to be into detention leading to an eventual deportation at times. The numbers were incredible, the police in Athene’s apprehended nearly 7,000 people and 1,700 were going to get deported. Deportation wasn’t the only thing the immigrants had to deal with, they had to live through the horrors of racism. Every day it was racial profiling, prejudice, discrimination, and severely unfair treatment. As I continued to read through the article I ended up reading about what the police would do to the immigrants. Instead of protecting them and advocating racism, the police officers would beat them, degrade them, and give them terrible treatment due to the color of their skin. Adults aren’t the only immigrants to illegally cross borders though. There is an alarming rate of young children, and teenagers attempting to illegally cross the border to find their parents. A recent article that I’ve read called Surge in child immigrants stresses support network which was also written by Fox News, reports that from October 2011 through March, there was 5252 children who landed in U.S. Custody, each of those children didn’t have a guardian or a single parent with them. According to Fox News, and their statistics, that’s a 93% increase from 2010. The numbers don’t lie, in March of 2011 alone there were 1,390 children arrivals. At times though children come for more reasons than just finding their parents. They come from all around the world, and South America, just to find more opportunities in the United States. At times they make the journey to send money to their home, to escape violence in their homeland, or just a chance for a better life. At times you always hear about the immigrants that are outside of the United States, but what about the ones that are already in the country? America has several problems with immigrants that are already here. Which are sometimes unfair to the immigrants. At times people really have to consider if it’s worth coming to America, people don’t really have the same fair opportunities as others, why you ask? Well according to Stuart Anderson who wrote America's Immigration Problems Won't Solve Themselves, a problem is the low annual quota on employment based green cards and the per country limits within those quotas. Meaning immigrants from China and India get a harder time because they have to wait an exponentially longer time, almost around 10 years or potentially much more. Another problem that may arise for immigrants that are already living in the United States would be to bring their children here. Due to the upgrades in border security they aren’t allowed to leave and come back with their

kids as easily as they did the first time. Several times they have to leave their kids in the hands of a smuggler or somebody whom can sneak them inside of the United States undetected. Based on the research that I’ve conducted, I can conclude this essay by saying that it doesn’t matter who, or why someone would want to enter the United States, the problem isn’t getting in, it’s more getting to, they have to embark on a long, challenging, tedious journey that not many make it through, encountering criminals, natural disasters, and others along the way.

Conclusion 6. Copy and paste your concluding paragraph below. Based on the research that I’ve conducted, I can conclude this essay by saying that it doesn’t matter who, or why someone would want to enter the United States, the problem isn’t getting in, it’s more getting to, they have to embark on a long, challenging, tedious journey that not many make it through, encountering criminals, natural disasters, and others along the way.

7. Review your concluding paragraph: o

Highlight the transition you used to signal closure?

o

Underline where you have synthesized or summarized your main points and their significance?

o

Bold what you have done to challenge your readers.

8. Review your marked concluding paragraph. Revise your conclusion to make it stronger and place the revision here.

Based on the research that I’ve conducted, I can conclude this essay by saying that it doesn’t matter who, or why someone would want to enter the United States, the problem isn’t getting in, it’s more getting to, they have to embark on a long, challenging, tedious journey that not many make it through, encountering criminals, natural disasters, and others along the way.

Final Read Through - Final Draft 9. Copy and paste your final draft here, including your newly revised conclusion paragraph. Be sure to include the works cited portion. Read your essay out loud once more to find any last errors to correct. You are done!

Immigrants have to go through things that nobody would ever want to go through in their life. People can try to enter illegally into a country for a majority of reasons, to find or engage in paid work, to find better living conditions, to reunite with family (like Enrique from Enrique’s Journey did), or to simply just find a better life, the reasons are virtually endless. The issue is making the trip itself, some issues that people may encounter along the way are not only natural problems, like extreme weather conditions, and other natural disasters, but it may be people as well. On the way to a better life, immigrants my encounter, bandits, thieves, corrupt police officers, gangsters, and immigration services that will most likely send them back to where they began. Immigrants face several problems as they attempt to make it into a better life. Everyday illegal immigrants get caught, on the way, or in the United States, and they end up getting deported, if they end up getting deported they sometimes can’t even afford another trip back to America or back to the border. In the article In Crisis, Greece Rounds up Immigrants written by Costas Kantouris, which I recently read, it spoke of an immigration problem in Athens Greece. The article spoke of how there were “roundups” of the immigrants on the street. The majority of them were cuffed and treated unfairly and cruelly. They were being lined up to be into detention leading to an eventual deportation at times. The numbers were incredible, the police in Athene’s apprehended nearly 7,000 people and 1,700 were going to get deported. Deportation wasn’t the only thing the immigrants had to deal with, they had to live through the horrors of racism. Every day it was racial profiling, prejudice, discrimination, and severely unfair treatment. As I continued to read through the article I ended up reading about what the police would do to the immigrants. Instead of protecting them and advocating racism, the police officers would beat them, degrade them, and give them terrible treatment due to the color of their skin. Adults aren’t the only immigrants to illegally cross borders though. There is an alarming rate of young children, and teenagers attempting to illegally cross the border to find their parents. A recent

article that I’ve read called Surge in child immigrants stresses support network which was also written by Fox News, reports that from October 2011 through March, there was 5252 children who landed in U.S. Custody, each of those children didn’t have a guardian or a single parent with them. According to Fox News, and their statistics, that’s a 93% increase from 2010. The numbers don’t lie, in March of 2011 alone there were 1,390 children arrivals. At times though children come for more reasons than just finding their parents. They come from all around the world, and South America, just to find more opportunities in the United States. At times they make the journey to send money to their home, to escape violence in their homeland, or just a chance for a better life. At times you always hear about the immigrants that are outside of the United States, but what about the ones that are already in the country? America has several problems with immigrants that are already here. Which are sometimes unfair to the immigrants. At times people really have to consider if it’s worth coming to America, people don’t really have the same fair opportunities as others, why you ask? Well according to Stuart Anderson who wrote America's Immigration Problems Won't Solve Themselves, a problem is the low annual quota on employment based green cards and the per country limits within those quotas. Meaning immigrants from China and India get a harder time because they have to wait an exponentially longer time, almost around 10 years or potentially much more. Another problem that may arise for immigrants that are already living in the United States would be to bring their children here. Due to the upgrades in border security they aren’t allowed to leave and come back with their kids as easily as they did the first time. Several times they have to leave their kids in the hands of a smuggler or somebody whom can sneak them inside of the United States undetected. Based on the research that I’ve conducted, I can conclude this essay by saying that it doesn’t matter who, or why someone would want to enter the United States, the problem isn’t getting in, it’s more getting to, they have to embark on a long, challenging, tedious journey that not many make it through, encountering criminals, natural disasters, and others along the way.