Tear Down The Walls Of The Youth Room

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Tear Down the Walls of the Youth Room 43 Ideas for Starting, Growing, and Deepening Relationships With Teenagers Outside of Traditional Youth Group Programs By Nick Arnold

The content of this eBook are released under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial ShareAlike License 3.0. This means you are free to distribute this document and reprint its contents elsewhere so long as you mention that I wrote it and provide a link back to http://MinistryAllies.com. You may not sell, resell, or use the content in commercial products without prior consent. Cover Photo by Timothy Daniel Tolle. Used with permission. http://www.flickr.com/photos/angstdei/ http://www.angstdei.com/

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3 Tear Down the Walls of the Youth Room Special thanks to the following for their inspiration, contributions, and thoughts (in no particular order). I would highly recommend checking out their blogs for more great ideas and thoughts on youth ministry: Adam McLane Youth Specialties http://adammclane.com

Jeremy Zach http://smalltownyouthpastor.com/

Tim Schmoyer Pastor of Student Ministries at Alexandria Covenant Church in Alexandria, MN Author of Life In Student Ministry at http://www.StudentMinistry.org

Adam Lehman http://adamlehman.us/ Chris Bowditch http://youthministryandme.com/ Mike Kupferer http://reflectionministry.blogspot.com/

I would also like to thank the following people for believing in me and giving me a chance to grow in ministry: 

Jon Thomas

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Scott Brewer

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Doug Widger

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Johnny May

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Section 1

GO WHERE THEY ARE Ideas 1-29

Where do teenagers hang out in your community? The mall? A skatepark? A movie theater? The beach? A public pool? The Great Commission says “Go and make disciples,” not “If you build an awesome youth room, they will come.” This section is about getting out of the office and going onto their turf.

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Visit a student at school during lunch. This is the first way I ever met up with kids outside of the youth group. I was an intern at the time and I tagged along with my boss, the youth pastor, who began to show me that youth ministry was more than just speaking in front of kids on Wednesday nights.

Visiting a student at school shows that you think about them during the week and allows you to meet their friends.

I've never been turned down by a principal. It's all about your approach! Meet with the principal in the summer, before staff reports. Ask them if you can help at lunch, in any way. Every single time the principal has said something like, “We'd love a positive role model on campus at lunch. Just let us know when you get here, sign in, and pitch in help where you see it's needed.” -Adam McLane

Variations: You can also buy them lunch and bring it on campus, though be ready to share with their friends! Or if your kids go to a closed campus, you might consider meeting up with kids after school for tacos at Jack in the Box® or something similar. Breakfast before school is an option as well, if you can convince the student to get up early! Check out more thoughts on visiting students at lunch.

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Give out free food at lunch. I purchased two dozen tacos from Taco Bell® and passed them out at lunch one day. All I asked for in return was their name. I met tons of kids that day and I still keep up with some of them! Warning: Some schools will not allow you to bring food on campus. Check with the school administrators first. a resource from http://MinistryAllies.com

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Volunteer at a school club. Schools usually have a list of active clubs available either in the office or on their website. Find a club that looks appealing to you and offer to help. You’ll probably want to talk directly with the adult sponsor (usually a teacher or a coach) and get their permission. This is especially important on closed campuses.

School clubs are great opportunities to meet new kids who might have similar interests as you.

With school budgets getting body slammed by decreased tax revenue, schools are hungry for volunteers. If your intention is to meet new students, stay away from the Christian clubs. -Adam McLane

The club you choose to help out with may or may not have kids that you know, but since clubs usually center on a common interest, you can easily develop common ground with the kids you don’t know. This could be a Christian club or not; it doesn’t matter. For the sake of outreach, a non-Christian club might be better. However, starting a Christian club if one doesn’t exist is another way to volunteer your time. Find out more about starting a new Christian club.

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Tutor a subject you’re proficient at. Never thought that A you barely squeaked out in math in the 9th grade would ever help you in youth ministry? Tutoring is a great way to connect one-on-one with students. There are usually several different places available to tutor, like at the school itself, at an after-school program, or you could begin tutoring at your own church (though I would recommend getting out of the church walls, for the sake of this exercise).

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Help a student with homework or a project. While tutoring helps you connect with new students at school, helping a student with homework is a great way to grow a current relationship. This could be proofreading an essay, double-checking their math, or aiding in researching the Sons of Liberty. This is especially helpful come science fair season.

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Coach a sport at a local school. Volunteer coaching at the local high school has been one of the best ways for me to connect with kids. After a few weeks, many of the kids began to open up to me about things going on in their lives, admit their own insecurities, ask for advice, even have conversations about God. Fortunately, I was not the head coach, so I did not have to deal with the many ins and I was the JV golf coach at my last church. This outs of coaching; I just got to spend time with students. I help coach the wrestling team at our community's high school. It is such a great way to connect with pre-saved kids and parents! –Tim Schmoyer

was a great way to both get to know students and have a legitimate excuse to be on campus. When offered a stipend, I always donated it right back to the booster club. -Adam McLane

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Ride the bus with a sports team to an away game. If you cannot commit to coaching every day (or just can’t fit it into your schedule), offer to ride with the team to an away game. You’ll probably need some connections with the coaching staff beforehand, but the bus ride with the team is a great opportunity to build relationships. Not to mention, at an away game, you might be the only fan, other than the parents. Credit to the guys at YLHelp.com for this idea.

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Invite some students along with you to be a fan for a student at a game.* With this idea, you can kill the two proverbial birds with one stone: you can hang out with students and be a fan to students at the same time. You can be over the top and make some signs for the kids you are rooting for, maybe even paint letters on your chest (for the guys). This is especially fun at smaller events. *This could be any extracurricular event, such as comedy sports, drama, debate, or marching band. See what your kids are into. “I take this a step further. I never go to a student’s game without taking another student with me. Like you say, it's a perfect time to build relationship. More importantly, I use this time to model how to minister practically to one of their peers.” –Adam McLane

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Go to a sporting event with some students and invite them and their friends out for ice cream afterward. Might cost you a bit, but students usually go for free ice cream. If you’re on a tight budget, you can hit up McDonald’s® or Burger King® rather than the more expensive ice cream places.

10 Open your house to students after school (from Mike Kupferer) Open your house just to hang out and maybe help with homework. This works if you live relatively close to school. I live right behind the schools and students can easily walk to the house after school. It is a great chance to just hang out and talk with students. Another benefit has been the chance to meet other students that I did not already know.

Caution: When chilling with students make sure to steer away from the danger of just hanging out. At some point the conversation needs towards the reality of Jesus. -Jeremy Zach

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11 Hang out with a student or group of students. The simplest way to hang out is… well… hang out. We need to find the point where the theology of presence and the art of hanging out intersect. Here are some ideas for hanging out with students: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12.

Local theme park Paintballing Laser tag Beach Boating (skiing, wakeboarding, tubing) Snow skiing Snowboarding Go to a professional sporting event, like a baseball or football game Concert (use good judgment here) Local carnivals Circus, anyone? Zoo

I can highlight and underscore the camping idea from personal experience. Kids will remember a camping trip together better than any other youth group trip or event. There's something about being out in nature together, working together to cook and clean meals, setup and tear down tents that creates some incredible bonding. -Tim Schmoyer

13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24.

Museum Aquarium Art show Hunting Fishing th Watch fireworks (4 of July or New Years) Camping Hiking Backpacking Skateboarding Biking Dirt biking

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Don’t forget about county and state fairs! –Mike Kupferer

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12 Play a sport with a student. This could be as simple as playing catch with a student (football, baseball, frisbee) or as complex as putting together a game of softball or pickup basketball. Don’t forget about Foosball and Ping Pong!

There’s nothing like getting outside and expending some energy. Variation: Help a student practice a sport, like pitching, setting, retrieving balls, etc.

13 Work out with a student. They always need a spotter (and I could lose a few pounds!)

14 Help a student with or participate in a hobby of theirs. What do your kids like to do with their free time? Sew? Collect and read comic books? Go with them.

15 Ask a student to teach you a new skill. Could you ask a student to help you learn guitar? Set up a web site? Learn how to skateboard? Teach you how to throw a Frisbee™ with the forehand (the “flick”)? Become a student of your students. They will enjoy the opportunity to share their talents with you.

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16 Go shopping with a student at the local mall. Shopping with students allows you to get into their minds a bit. You don’t need to buy anything yourself, though getting fashion tips from the younger crowd might be a good idea. You can also do lunch at the foot court, see a movie, and you might run into other kids they know or you know.

17 Go shopping at a thrift store with a student. When the mall is too expensive, thrift store shopping works too! You could go in with a mission to come out with the most ridiculous outfit. Then you can turn it into a fashion show and host it at your house.

The goal is to be seen. It doesn't matter how you are seen but being seen means you have to detach from your computer and go outside the church walls. Look at Paul, he was a fierce missionary that went everywhere. 1 Thess 2:17 demonstrates how Paul tried to be seen. He visited, talked and hung out with the communities that he was writing to. -Jeremy Zach

18 Offer a student (or students) a ride to something they want to do. Serve a student by being their chauffer for the day. Don’t try to join them in what they’re doing (unless they invite you) because the point of this idea is to serve the student(s). Sometimes, I’ll do this spontaneously if I see a kid I know waiting at a bus stop. They’re usually just trying to get across town (and it’s a small town) so I’ll stop and offer to give them a ride.

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19 Have a meal with a student at a nice restaurant. Not exactly cheap, but certainly a treat! I save this option for special occasions, such as those who are graduating, just got accepted to a college of their choice, or making the varsity team. The celebration means more at a sit-down restaurant than at Burger King®. In general, I find celebrating life with students a key part of being in youth ministry. “Rejoice with those who rejoice,…” (Romans 12:15, NIV)

20 Hang out at a cheap restaurant and play a board game. Taco Bell® + Connect Four™ or Denny’s® + Scrabble™. Having a board game while eating fast food adds a dimension to the experience. My friends in high school used to go to Denny’s® and play Scrabble™, so why not try that with kids today? It might even attract others in the restaurant to come over and play (especially an enthralling game of Chess!) Try to hit up a place where you know a lot of students will be. Depending on whom you’re with, short games might work better and allow more people to play. Risk™ might not be the best game to play for this idea!

The biggest outreach event our youth ministry does isn't an event. Every Wednesday night I send out a mass text to all the students with information about what fast food restaurant we'll be gathering at. That is easily the most fruitful hour of our ministry. It's a great environment for so many things: students inviting friends, getting some individual counseling time with students, and helping new volunteers get connected to students. –Adam Lehman

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21 Play a card game with a student or a group of students. Egyptian Rat Screw seems to be a favorite among youth group kids (that’s the game with a whole bunch of slapping). Add an element and play for chips with Texas Hold ‘Em (though you will want to make sure gambling—even for chips—is okay). There are also card games out there like Magic: The Gathering™ and similar off brands that have become popular among some niche crowds. Variation: (from Tim Schmoyer) Along these same lines, I went to the library and got a book on how to do card tricks. I learned a couple and then showed them to some kids while we were hanging out. They loved them and, of course, wanted to know how I did each one. So I taught them. When their friends asked how they learned to do it, they could proudly say, “My youth pastor taught me.”

22 Invite a student and his or her parents out to dinner. Part of relational ministry with students includes getting to know their parents. Parents are your allies in student ministry. Having their trust makes your job a whole lot easier and allows you to minister to them as well.

We made it a regular practice to invite families of our students over for dinner. About once a month or so, we'd invite the entire family over for dinner. It was a great way to get to know the family dynamics, and share a favorite recipe or two! -Adam McLane

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23 Communicate via text message. Calling kids is so 2006.* I hear more and more kids having long conversations with one another via this primitive asynchronous form of communication. But for some reason, kids don’t mind texting. It’s easy and convenient. It’s also easier to hide and allows for multitasking, i.e. texting while in class or… gasp… in church! When to text? Quick questions and answers, general conversation, making plans to meet up. When to call? I think most of my kids prefer to text, even in more serious conversations, but I usually call when I expect the conversation to go on for a while or if the question I want to ask is urgent (“We’re heading to the movies RIGHT NOW!”) Tips: Turn on the Word setting on your phone and practice. If you can’t get used to 9 keys for 26 characters, get a phone with a full keyboard. Don’t text without permission. *And texting kids might be so 2009. Be ready to learn new ways to communicate in the future.

24 Use social networking sites. Facebook, MySpace, YouTube, oh my! You probably are already on at least one of these networks. And if you’re not, and do not feel comfortable online, this would be a great opportunity to ask a student to help you create an account and show you how to use the social networking site.

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16 Tear Down the Walls of the Youth Room Tips: Balance your time online. Teens typically have social networking accounts but don’t always spend a lot of time online. Spending too much time will communicate negatively. Don’t comment on everything they say or post. Use good judgment if you’re going to talk to them in real life about something they posted online. Teens don’t use email, instant messaging, or Twitter much. What they do use is Facebook, MySpace, and the chat clients built into those two systems. Teens also use text messaging a lot (see previous idea).

25 Chat with a student on Facebook or MySpace. In some ways, the medium is the message: you care enough to learn how to chat with them online. Again, use good judgment and do not feel compelled to chat with them every time you are online.

26 Create a video response on YouTube to a student’s video. If any of your students put a lot of videos up on YouTube, create a video of your own to respond to it. You could even get other students involved in the response.

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27 Write a letter to a student. To students, letters might seem archaic, but they’re still valuable. Nothing is as meaningful as unfolding a handwritten letter from someone who has taken the time to write words of encouragement and caring. Send it in the mail. Variation: (from Mike Kupferer) To go along with writing letters to students, I like to send postcards. But not just any postcard, I like to turn photos into postcards. These can be pictures from years ago or one from last week. Along with sending students postcards of pictures with them on it, I like to send postcards of random pictures, too.

I sent letters to a bunch of youth who I wanted to come on camp but who hadn't registered yet. Got about an 80-90% sign up rate from those youth! They key is, THEY MUST BE HANDWRITTEN (address on the front and the letter inside, and they must be on nice paper). All of that says I took effort and time to write this because I care about you! -Chris Bowditch

28 Play a video game or a computer game online with a student. Nothing like killing orcs and telling elves about Jesus. Most games nowadays, even video games, have online capabilities, and some are completely online, so schedule a time to meet them online.

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29 Call a “former” youth group kid who’s off at college. According to preliminary research being done by the Fuller Youth Institute, many college students wish their youth pastors would take time to see how they are doing in college. How often do our students graduate and never get a call from their youth pastor again? Relational ministry is lifelong ministry.

Talk with all type of kids. Talking with kids will allow for you to identify where they are and understand their world. Ask a lot of questions. You shouldn't be doing a lot of the talking, rather you should be doing a lot of asking of questions. -Jeremy Zach

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Section 2

ASK THEM TO FOLLOW YOU Ideas 30-43

Jesus did not stop with going out to meet the disciples where they were at. He invited them to follow Him and enter into the greatest story ever told. Paul kept saying “Follow me as I follow Christ” to the churches he wrote to. This section is about allowing students to see into your life and your walk with God.

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30 Invite some students over to your place for a movie night. Students can see that you are a real person if you allow them to see where you live. You can combine this idea with dinner, board games, or just provide some snacks and drinks.

31 Host a video game night at your place. A variation to the previous idea: Allow your students to bring over their favorite video game console and battle it out! You might also consider setting up Rock Band®, Guitar Hero®, or Dance Dance Revolution™. Variation: (from Chris Bowditch) Board games work too!

32 Host a LAN party at your place. For the more 1337. Let some kids come over for a night of computer games. Variation: Have your kids dress up as the characters in the game you will be playing.

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33 Ask a few students to help you create a video. Students love to be movie stars. Creating a video takes a lot of work and can be a way to get different kids with different skills to provide their own input into the project. You will need Here's an example of one of these I did actors, a cameraman, a director, a producer, and a video with my students. We took all of the editor (get creative and think of some other roles). The students who didn't go away for Spring video could be something for youth group, like an Break and made a movie. Along the way, announcement video, or something for them, like a skating we spent an entire day driving around and video where they can show off their skills. You can upload having a goofy time. the videos to YouTube for everyone to see. -Adam McLane Warning: Stupid tricks videos not recommended, unless you’re looking for a new job.

34 Invite a student to cook a meal* with you. I don’t know what it is about cooking and eating together, but it helps diffuse the power differential between you and the student. As a variation, prepare the meal yourself and invite them over. *Or a snack! Like chocolate chip cookies or dessert.

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35 Ask for a student’s help or expertise on a project. Showing a student that their skills are valued can help them develop as adolescents. What sort of help do you need?

36 Ask a student to give you a ride somewhere. Similar to the previous idea, asking for help from a student allows them see their value. You could ask for a student to give you a ride to and from the mechanic, the grocery store, the mall, or another errand. You might actually need a ride, or you might need to arrange for yourself to need a ride (i.e. wife or husband has the car, “I need a ride”).

One of the best memories a Jr. High girls small group in my ministry has together is when they went over to their leader's house and helped her tear down wallpaper. The leader couldn't believe they would actually enjoy such a painful task, but because they did it together, it was a blast and they all bonded over it. Don't be shy in asking teens to join you in ordinary “boring” projects. (Just be sure that's not the only thing you ever ask them to do with you or else you'll come off as just looking for free labor.) -Tim Schmoyer

“This is especially useful for youth workers who forgot to renew their license. Just kidding. Actually, I made this a regular habit because our family has one car. I always bummed rides from my students after youth group because walking was no fun!” –Adam McLane

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37 Invite a student to hang out with your friends. Students can learn a lot by tagging along and see adults interact with one another. Warning: Exercise judgment here and keep good boundaries. You might want to ask your friends ahead of time (especially if they are not youth leaders).

38 Invite a student to lead an event alongside you. Giving students leadership responsibilities communicates trust and confidence in them and their abilities. Once, I invited one kid to help me lead a video game night, asking him to consider “What do video games have to do with Jesus?” During our debrief time (which ended up going just as long as our video game time) we talked about video games as a means to build relationships and how relationships are key to evangelism and discipleship. I bet he learned more through that experience than any youth talk.

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This is especially useful for ministries where Youth Ministry is not all you Tear Down the Walls of the Youth Room do. I've had kids run sound with me at weddings/funerals, teach kids camp, and even lead adult events!

39 Invite a student to serve another member

-Adam McLane

of your church together. By serving another member of your congregation, you can show a student that the church is bigger than the youth ministry. Likewise, you can cultivate an attitude of service in your congregation as well. This could be working on the lawn of an elderly couple or babysitting for a single mother.

40 Invite a student to serve others in the community with you. Serving people in the community outside your church is another great way to transfer faith to students. Working alongside the student on a project where you are not the leader also allows the student to see that he or she is making a significant impact on someone else’s life. This could be serving at a soup kitchen, passing out care packages to the homeless, or visiting a drop-in center for teens.

41 Listen to an audio sermon with a student. Be a student of God and invite a student to learn with you. There are so many churches that are making their sermons available online and so many services hosting sermons for download. You can listen to a sermon and as you listen, take notes separately, and compare notes afterward. Or, feel free to pause the sermon if one of you has a question or a point to make.

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42 Pray with a student. Talk to God together. This is different than praying for a student. This is allowing time for both you and the student to communicate with God and listen together.

43 Ask a student to pray for you. Give them something to pray for you about during the week. Many times I find myself asking for prayer requests at youth group meetings, never thinking of something I myself might want to share. Sometimes students ask me for my own prayer requests, sometimes they do not. th

At summer camp one year, I was praying for students in a group and one kid interrupted, an 8 grade boy, and he invited his peers to pray for me. It was certainly a great moment to see him mature in this way. Variation: (from Chris Bowditch) Ask a student to pray for the actual youth ministry. I find this helps deepen relationships because it shows I think of the youth as part of our ministry, not just attendees. Warning: Be cautious not to share anything that is overly burdensome, especially with students that are not in a place to carry more emotional baggage. Don’t share unresolved personal sin. This is not a place to get counseling from kids. If you have issues, go to your supervisor or a mentor.

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