So Bad

Kou could very well be one of the few people who would enjoy a heat stroke. Somehow, the feeling of having every gallon of water he’s drank in his life seep through and out of his skin made him feel accomplished after a lengthy practice session. Today, he was sitting under one of the few trees lining the soccer field that separated it from the basketball courts. He wheezed pathetically, his eyes closed, his head leaning back against the dusty, gnarled trunk of the tree. He rolled a basketball under his foot, which crushed against some fallen leaves. The sun was so fierce and unrelenting that it almost shone through his lids, and he could see nothing but red. His jersey clung to him uncomfortably, due to the sweat. He was exhausted and overheated, but happy. It was a good kind of weariness—the kind that cleanses your mind. Homework could wait; he was just going to savor the afternoon. Even with the deafening white noise of the cicadas, Kou could hear the rhythmic “chhk-chhk-chhk” of shoes pressing against asphalt; which was unusual, since there was no one around. He opened one eye, his vision swimming in fog for a bit before focusing on a tall, dark figure coming towards him, a hand on its hip in a vaguely familiar style. “Souji?” Kou panted. “What’re you doing here? I thought soccer practice was over.” “It is,” Souji stated, matter-of-factly. “I just didn’t get out of the locker room until now. The idiots didn’t put their cleats away right so I had to do it myself…” He held up a bandaged hand. “And had a bit of a mishap.” Kou laughed in disbelief. “Oh wow. I was under the impression that you were graceful.” Souji passed a bit of air through his lips as a hiss, probably meant to be a halfhearted laugh. “So was I, I guess.” He flicked his hair a bit. This amused Kou. He’d been noticing how hard Souji tries to be a pretty-boy. “What’s up with you? You look dead,” Souji adds, looking Kou up and down, licking his lips very subtly. Kou sat up, feeling his stomach muscles ache and stretch. He swept some leaves out of his hair. “Just finished playing some b-ball,” he yawned. He was glad that Souji was there —if he hadn’t shown up, Kou would’ve fallen asleep and burned to a crisp. Souji seemed to be shifting his weight about on his feet. “I-I never understood that game.” Kou looked at him incredulously. “Really? You mean you haven’t played basketball before?” “Well, no, but—“ “C’mon! I’ll show you!” “No, really, Kou, I—“ Of course, Kou wasn’t having any of it. He had already picked up the ball, dribbling it enthusiastically, ignoring his protesting limbs. “It’s a lot of fun, once you get the hang of it!” Kou said. “Here, try dribbling it!” He forced the ball through the air to Souji, who failed to catch it with his hands; instead, he accomplished the task with his face instead. “Oh, Souji, I—I’m sorry—“ “It’s fine… I’ll be fine.” Souji rubbed the bridge of his reddening nose. He picked the ball up, awkwardly, with one hand.

“So, how do I do this?” Souji muttered reluctantly, giving the ball a practice bounce. It escaped him, and stopped with a thud at Kou’s feet. “Oh, no, you don’t push it out, you push it towards you, like this!” Kou picked it up, skillfully turning the ball towards himself and catching it as it rebounded to his opposite side. “Uh huh,” Souji absentmindedly murmured. He was looking directly at Kou, rather than his demonstration. It was growing uncomfortable, so Kou distracted him by passing him the ball, which, again, pummeled Souji. “Sorry.” Souji coughed-the basketball had struck him in the abdomen with enough force to have been shot out of a cannon. “I’m okay,” he gasped, clutching the ball at the impact zone. “Good,” said Kou. “Now practice.” Souji glanced at the ball uneasily, then, clumsily started to bounce it, and it miraculously stayed in the same general area. “Great! You learn fast!” Kou exclaimed. “Thanks.” Souji replied flatly. For some reason, they couldn’t even look at each other. Kou’s eyes strictly followed the ball, and Souji stared absently at something in the horizon. “How’s Daisuke doing?” Kou asked. “I haven’t been able to talk to him much lately.” Souji seemed to twitch at the mentioning of Daisuke, and his hand nearly missed the ball as he bounced it. “He’s doing alright.” “Is that so?” “Why are you always so concerned about Daisuke?” The unorthodox severity of Souji’s tone was enough to startle Kou into looking at him. Souji held the basketball firmly between his palms, still glaring into space. “Well… he is my friend, Souji. Is something upsetting you? You seem kinda… off today.” “I’m just tired of this…” “Tired of what?” Souji started dribbling the ball again, furiously. “I’m sick of you just always talking about Daisuke or basketball!” He made a shot for the net that was behind Kou-the ball barely flew over his head, and deflected off of the metal ring to bounce harmlessly to one of the side walls of the school. Kou winced. “Souji…” “I know, I know…” Souji growled through gritted teeth. “This isn’t how I normally act… sorry, that was wrong of me. I’ll be going now. Sorry if I scared you.” “No.” Souji stopped in his tracks as he was turning to leave. “We’re going to talk this out, okay? The Souji I know doesn’t pull psycho moves like that without a reason.” Souji’s shoulders sagged. He seemed to be ashamed of himself. Kou stepped closer to him, laying a hand on his shoulder.

“God, you’re tense,” Kou said. “Take a deep breath, calm down, and then explain. ‘Kay?” It was silent for a few more moments as Souji collected his sanity. “That’s a little better,” Kou laughed, nervously. “Now, c’mon, tell me—“ Kou felt Souji’s hand on his own. Souji caressed it with his thumb. “Souji, this isn’t explaining much…” Souji’s shoulder firmed once again, and now, he could feel an excited shaking. He was just about to let him go when Souji formed an intense grip on Kou’s palm, turned, snaked an arm around his waist, and pulled him into a tight embrace. “Souji, what the hell—“ Kou squirmed and tried to push himself away, but froze as he felt Souji’s warm, humid breath in his ear. “Don’t you think about me at all?” Souji whispered. His cheek was pressed against Kou’s. “Why do you ask?” Kou returned airily, lowering his arms as well as his guard. He’s a bit wobbly again, and his muscles hurt once more. He feels limp, and Souji is actually supporting him in his arms at this point. “Because I sure as hell think about you.” Souji’s lips brushed against Kou’s skin as he made his way to his mouth. Kou was simply too stunned, too confused to respond, so he just hung there in Souji’s arms, vaguely experiencing what was happening to him. “Souji?” he sputtered between kisses. “Goddamn—you—really want—this, don’t you?” “Isn’t it obvious?” Souji replied, backing away and giving Kou a minute’s worth of relief. He stared at the floor out of the corner of his eyes. “I just… you always talked so much about Daisuke and…” He trailed off. Kou searched Souji’s face, which was contorted with torment. Souji was even biting his lip—the whole situation looked painful. He felt that he had to do something, so he did the only thing he could—he gently put a hand to Souji’s face, trying to reassure him. Souji jumped a little, but then calmed, and leaned into his touch. “You’re very good at hiding things, you know,” Kou chuckled. “I was completely oblivious to this.” Souji’s mouth appeared to be wired shut. His lips were firmly pressed together and there was a lot of color in his cheeks. He wouldn’t be saying anything for a long time. So, Kou decided it would be best to at least humor him for a while… He leaned forward and rested his chin on Souji’s shoulder. Souji wrapped his arms around him, rubbing his back. Souji ran his palm down his lower back, to his waist, into his— “Souji, no.” Souji lowered his arm, disappointed. Kou sighed, placing his hands on Souji’s shoulders, pushing himself away and giving them a squeeze. “Don’t go apologizing, it’s alright.” For the first time in a while, Souji began to speak. “You didn’t answer my question…”

“This again?” Kou laughed. Souji continued to watch him intently. Kou’s face faulted, and he took a deep, shaky breath. “Of course I think about you.” He reached up and ran his fingers through Souji’s clean, silver hair. “It’s rather hard to think about anything else.”