Sexual Abuse: The Challenge

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the challenge

SEXUAL ABUSE & YOUR TEEN How to protect your kids from predators Julia Holden explains how parents can spot the warning signs that something is amiss with their child; how to respond to a child’s disclosure of sexual abuse; and how to support a teen facing this terrible reality.

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Child sexual abuse is a crime which, tragically, many children experience. It is generally recognised that one in four girls and a similar number of boys will be sexually assaulted in some way by the time they are 18 year of age. A particularly disturbing reality is that around 75 to 80 per cent of child sexual abuse victims will be assaulted in their own homes by someone they know. Only one offence, indecent exposure (for example, flashing) is more likely to be committed by a stranger. It is vitally important that we educate our children and provide them with the information and the skills they need to keep themselves safe. While it’s not pleasant to contemplate the possibility that someone you know and trust — or someone who knows and loves your child — is an abuser, the reality is that most child-abusers are known to the victim. One misconception about abusers is that all sex offenders are paedophiles. While there can at times be an overlap in the definition of a child sex offender and a paedophile, and although we know that there are organised sexual-abuse rings and individual abusers who target children, most sex-offenders are either related to, or well-known and trusted by, both the child and the child’s family. Paedophiles — adults who engage in, or trade in images of, ritual or sadistic child abuse — are only a subset of child sex offenders. Reports indicate that 97 per cent of child sex offenders are male, a large proportion married with children. A recent study in the UK on the prevalence of child maltreatment, based on a survey of young people aged from 18 to 24, revealed that most respondents identified a family member, or someone known to them, as the perpetrator of their abuse. Though that wasn’t surprising, what was of particular concern was the number of instances of abuse involving a male sibling offender (a brother or stepbrother) ranging from 20-43 per cent across the three sorts of sexual abuse*; accounting for 38 per cent of penetrative or oral acts. This was much higher than the number

33 involving natural fathers (11 to 23 per cent of all sexual abuse was committed by natural fathers; they accounted for 23 per cent of penetrative or oral acts) and stepfathers (accounting for 9 to 19 per cent of all sexual abuse; 13 per cent of penetrative or oral acts). Although most people have a stereotypical view of child sex offenders, there is no one type of man who is an offender. They come from every socio-economic background, profession, race and religion, and can be homosexual or heterosexual.

Abuse of trust: the first step

Many abusers are skilled at creating trust and respect to gain people’s confidence. For this reason, if an offender is discovered abusing a victim, some people are fooled by the offender into thinking that it was a one-off and that it will never happen again; but most abusers offend repeatedly both inside and outside the family. ‘Grooming’ tactics gain the confidence of the victim and the parents. Offenders regularly visit places where children spend time, such as schools, sporting fields or clubs. Many use lies to trick the child into trusting them by inventing some sort of emergency, for example, ‘Your mother is in hospital and your father asked me to pick you up.’ Getting involved in the children’s lives, by teaching them sport or a musical instrument, or taking them on outings and then offering bribes of money, gifts, toys, or lollies — these have all been used as grooming opportunities. Offenders sometimes find their victims through baby-sitting and some even take advantage of single mothers, who are often grateful for extra assistance.

Most abusers offend repeatedly

Responding to child sexual abuse

The response to a child’s disclosure of sexual abuse is critical to the ability to resolve the trauma of sexual abuse. The most important steps are the identification of the problem and the implementation of intervention and prevention strategies to ensure the safety of the child. It’s important to consider the difficulties a child can face in attempting to explain what happened. continued page 38 >>

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If a child tries to tell you she is being abused, she may not know the right words to use. It’s doubtful a child will just walk up to you and say ‘I am being sexually abused by . . .’ My education in listening to what children are saying came very early in my police career. I was a junior constable at a suburban station and, being the only woman in the station at the time, I was asked to do a preliminary interview with a girl who had been brought to the police station by her mother. The mother was concerned about her daughter and the school bus driver who had ‘invited’ the girl to his house on a few occasions, an offer she had accepted. I chatted to the girl for quite a while, and she told me the bus driver was very nice and had not hurt her. The girl wasn’t distressed, but fairly subdued. In amongst her replies was a comment that when she was at his house, they played ‘trains’. While I didn’t pick up on this one comment as being the vital piece of evidence, I was concerned enough to refer the matter to the specialist detectives in charge of child-abuse investigations. I was later informed by the detective in charge of the matter that the game of ‘playing trains’ was the offender’s explanation for the act of forcing the child to perform oral sex on him. I had listened to this child, but I really hadn’t heard what she had said. When a child or a young person tells someone about sexual abuse, a supportive and caring response is the first step in

providing help and the possibility of reestablishing future trust in adults. If a child tells you about abuse, the most important response you can give is to believe the child, thank her or him for telling you, and reassure them that they did the right thing and that they are not at fault. Here is how you can give your teen a supportive response: If they even vaguely hint they have been a victim of sexual abuse, listen to them, but don’t cross-examine them. At this initial stage, just support the child and don’t make judgmental comments. Show them that you take very seriously what they are saying. Reassure them they have done the right thing by disclosing the truth. Reassure them they are not to blame for the abuse. Offer them some form of protection and assure them that you will take steps to make sure the abuse stops. Report any suspicions you have of child abuse either to the police or to a child protection agency in your State. Provide medical treatment as well as emotional support. The examining doctor will gather any evidence and provide treatment for any injuries. t Provide treatment for any injuries. Fearless, The Ultimate Guide to living safe and smart, by Julia Holden (Random House, 2004). RRP is $19.95.

What are the warning signs? There are many warning signs to indicate a child’s safety is at risk. No single sign should be viewed in isolation as positive proof of abuse; but it may indicate that the child should be monitored for other signs or behavioural changes are occurring. It’s also important to consider the child’s personal circumstances and compare it with their usual behaviour, for example a change in attitude towards a formerly favourite visitor, or babysitter, or relative. Although not comprehensive, here is a list of some of the more common indicators of sexual abuse. ■ Describing sexual acts ■ Age inappropriate behaviour and/or persistent sexual behaviour ■ Self-destructive or suicidal behaviour ■ Physical injuries, such as tears or bruising to genitalia, which a doctor could recognise ■ Statements implying their bodies are dirty or damaged, or fear that there is something wrong with them in their genital area ■ Sleep problems or nightmares ■ Hints of sexual molestation or violence in drawings, games, stories ■ Depression or withdrawal from friends or family. * Next issue, Father Chris looks at the predators who stalk cyber-space, and how parents can help their children avoid the dangers of the Net.

What is child abuse?

There is no universal definition of child abuse, and a lot of confusion as to what behaviour constitutes child abuse and neglect. The National Association for Prevention of Child Abuse and Neglect (NAPCAN) defines child abuse as ‘anything which individuals, institutions or processes do or fail to do, which directly or indirectly harms children or damages their prospects of a safe and healthy development into adulthood.’ Child abuse includes all forms of: Neglect, characterised by a failure to provide a child with basic needs such as love and affection, food, clothing, and safety. It also includes abandonment of a child and serious absence of care, e.g. not taking a sick child to the doctor. Emotional abuse, a behaviour pattern where a parent or carer deprives a child of love, warmth and attention, or constantly criticises or imposes unrealistic expectations, or isolates, rejects or ignores a child. A common form of this type is psychological controll, dominating or terrorising a child. Physical abuse, injury resulting from shaking, slapping, Autumn 2005

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punching, scalding, biting, poisoning or throwing a child. Sexual abuse occurs when an adult, or someone bigger or older than the child, involves the child in sexual activity by using undue influence, or takes advantage of a child’s trust. The abuser often uses tricks, bribes or threats — and even physical force — to make a child participate. It also includes exhibitionism, fondling, oral sex and intercourse. Domestic violence can include emotional, sexual and physical abuse, social isolation, financial control or deprivation, by one or more members of the family on another member. Children can be direct victims but can also be badly affected by witnessing domestic violence, for example Mum being beaten, or parents yelling at each other. System abuse refers to abuse icaused by action or omission due to policies, practices and procedures within systems or institutions. Children who are physically or intellectually impaired are particularly vulnerable. Children are never responsible for abuse.