Screenplay

Stealin’

Screenplay by BRUCE HATTENDORF

(360) 417-6238 Peninsula College,

1502 East Lauridsen Blvd.

Port Angeles, Washington 98363

November 18, 1997

page 2 EXT. STREET ON THE LOWER EAST SIDE - NIGHT It’s night on the Lower East Side of Manhattan and the street is full of the usual suspects - an

assortment of the hip and the down-and-out - skate

board punk rockers, beautiful young women in black, guys selling stolen merchandise on the sidewalk.

CHRIS CARPENTER, a 25-year-old guy, hurries through the crowd. He’s got a notebook under his arm. While he doesn’t look sorely out of place, he doesn’t

obviously fit in either - he wears a flannel shirt, jeans, and tennis shoes. A Yankees cap hides a tussle of curly hair he hasn’t yet learned to control.

A MAN walking in front of Chris fumbles with a bag. He drops something, but doesn’t notice and keeps right on going, turning down a side street.

Chris watches the piece of paper fall to the ground, but in his hurry almost passes it. On second look, something catches his eye. He stops abruptly and goes back for a look.

It’s a TWENTY DOLLAR BILL. Chris quickly snatches it up and dashes after its owner.

EXT. STREET ON THE LOWER EAST SIDE - NIGHT The man walks quickly down a darkened side street. Chris runs after him, waving the bill. CHRIS

Hey, you dropped this! The man walks more quickly.

page 3

Sir! Sir!

CHRIS

The man turns abruptly, ready for a fight. Chris,

panting, comes to a halt in front of him and holds out the bill.

CHRIS

I think you dropped this back there.

The man looks at Chris incredulously, does nothing. Chris thrusts the bill at him. CHRIS

I think this is yours. The man takes the bill cautiously, looks at it, then puts it in his pocket, still looking wary.

Thanks, kid.

MAN

INT. LOWER EAST SIDE CAFE - NIGHT In the performance space of a poetry cafe, a stylish AFRICAN AMERICAN WOMAN recites poetry to the

accompaniment of an upright bass. Her delivery is

dramatic and she has the audience’s rapt attention, except... TABLE Chris, who sits at a small table alone, fidgets and looks toward the door. The cafe is packed with the

same types as we saw on the street. Black clothing, body piercings, unusual hair colors. A few bookish intellectuals, but mostly artists and punks.

page 4 STAGE The woman finishes her reading to thunderous applause. TABLE Chris fumbles for his notebook, spilling coffee on

it. He attempts to dry it off as his eyes dart again toward the door. DOOR GWEN has just come in and is paying cover to the

doorman. She’s an attractive woman, but out of her neighborhood - her hair is big, her sweater is

bright and patterned and suburban, and her long

manicured nails are Lifesaver red. She squints into the crowd, looking for Chris.

INT. LOWER EAST SIDE CAFE - NIGHT Gwen squeezes into the seat next to Chris. (Gwen is from Long Island and sounds like it. Chris has a slight Midwestern accent.)

GWEN

I’m sorry I’m late, honey.

Parking is terrible down here. CHRIS

You parked your car down here? I thought you were going to take the train this time. GWEN

(smiles at him)

You’re sweet. I’ll be fine. I put up one of those signs that say I have no radio.

page 5 CHRIS

Gwen, you drive your father’s

Mazda. It’s not an inconspicuous car.

GWEN

You haven’t kissed me yet. Chris leans across the table and kisses Gwen quickly on the lips. She holds his face and brings him back for more. He pulls free, embarrassed.

I’m up next.

CHRIS

GWEN

You’re so sexy when you’re nervous.

INT. LOWER EAST SIDE CAFE - NIGHT On stage, the MC, a guy wearing sun glasses, a

brimmed hat, T-shirt and baggy sports jacket, grabs the mike.

MC

And next up, a guy who’s reading

for the first time here at Poetry Blast. Let’s have a hand for Chris Carpenter!

Chris grabs his notebook and stands abruptly

knocking his knees on the bottom of the small table and spilling what’s left of his coffee. Gwen reacts immediately by hailing the surly waitress. GWEN

Excuse me! Could we have some extra napkins?

page 6 INT. LOWER EAST SIDE CAFE - NIGHT Chris approaches the mike as if it might bite him. CHRIS

(nervously)

Thanks. I wrote this for my

girlfriend who’s in the audience tonight. AUDIENCE Audience members are already looking bored. STAGE CHRIS

(reading haltingly, in monotone)

In my mind’s dusk, you are starlight.

In the desert of my soul, a drink.

Your slender hands move and move me

And your smile rearranges my world. AUDIENCE GUY WITH A SHAVED HEAD rolls his eyes and takes a drag of his cigarette. STAGE CHRIS

Under the blanket’s tent, we are children,

unaware our fantasies are just a game.

page 7 We make ourselves in God’s image And find God in the image of our embrace.

Chris nervously closes his notebook and steps away

from the mike, nodding to indicate the poem is done. The audience claps politely, except... Gwen, who beams, and claps loudly. INT. ANOTHER CAFE - NIGHT This cafe is nearly empty. Gwen sits at a table

examining her nails. Chris comes from the counter balancing two cups of coffee and a piece of chocolate cake.

GWEN

It looks wonderful. CHRIS

(sitting)

At least something about tonight will be wonderful. GWEN

You were the best one up there. CHRIS

It sucked. I made a fool out of myself.

GWEN

(patronizing)

It was very romantic. CHRIS

It’s just, you know, I mean I see those people up there and I think

page 8 that could be me if I just had a little more time to spend on it. Did you get the God thing at the end?

GWEN

(putting her hand on his knee)

I liked the part about my hands. CHRIS

I mean, it was just a simple love poem. I was trying an e.e.

cummings sort of thing. But I

think I could do a more extended piece.

Did you ever read The Man with the Blue Guitar?

Dr. Seuss?

GWEN

CHRIS

No, Wallace Stevens. He’s brilliant.

GWEN

(shrugs)

Never heard of him. When’s Sebastian coming to town? CHRIS

Can we not talk about Sebastian.

I was talking about real authors.

page 9 GWEN

Sebastian Foster is a real

author. You know, you shouldn’t be such a snob, Chris. Somebody

like Sebastian Foster does people a lot more good than this George Wallace you’re talking about. CHRIS

Wallace Stevens. He’s a great

poet. Sebastian Foster is just

some New Age self-help guru. He’s not a writer.

Gwen takes a huge mouthful of chocolate cake. GWEN

Have it your way, but I like him. INT. CLYDESDALE PRESS - DAY An oil painting of SEBASTIAN FOSTER fills the

screen. He’s portrayed as a middle-aged man with a

silver beard and glistening eyes. There are several celestial bodies shining in the heavens behind him. It’s a good likeness, but painted with the sort of craftsmanship usually reserved for black velvet.

Two DELIVERY BOYS carry the painting down a corridor at Clydesdale Press. Along the interior wall of the corridor are open cubicles. This is where the

editorial assistants sit. Along the outer wall are offices with doors and windows. These are the

editors’ offices. The editorial assistants are busily typing. The editors’ offices are mostly empty.

As the delivery boys travel toward the end of the corridor, we see Chris at his desk.

page 10 Chris looks awkward in his work clothes - he wears a badly tied narrow tie and a moth eaten sweater vest. His hair, as always, is in need of a stylist.

Chris rips a piece of paper from his typewriter in frustration and crumples it. He’s about to toss it

in the trash when he looks up and sees the painting. CHRIS

Oh my God. Is that it? DELIVERY BOY

Is Naomi in? She’s supposed to sign for it.

CHRIS

(with mild sarcasm)

What time is it?

DELIVERY BOY

Nine fifteen.

I’ll sign.

CHRIS

(looks again at the painting)

She’s going to have a fit when she sees this. INT. CHRIS’S DESK - DAY Chris sits on his desk staring blankly at the painting, which is now perched atop a filing cabinet.

ROBERT, a freelance artist approximately the same

age as Chris, rounds the corner, whistling, with two cups of coffee. Robert is dressed casually, but

compared to Chris, he’s fashionable. His short spiky hair is dyed blonde. He is good looking, lanky.

page 11 Robert sees the painting and stops dead, his jaw dropped.

ROBERT

Fabulous!

He hands Chris his cup of coffee. ROBERT

You people have really outdone yourselves.

CHRIS

Don’t talk to me.

ROBERT

Look, I brought you coffee, what do you want?

Chris slides off the desk, back into his chair. CHRIS

I gotta get out of here. ROBERT

You know, you should really try medication. They’re doing great things these days. CHRIS

I had a bad night last night and this isn’t making it any better. Down the hallway, they hear a piercing shriek! ROBERT

(looking at his watch)

She’s early today. Better go.

page 12 The source of the shriek is NAOMI SCHNELL, a large middle aged woman with a commanding presence. ROBERT

(with false warmth)

Good morning, Naomi! NAOMI

(ignoring him)

Chris! I need to see you in my office right away!

She breezes regally past, slamming her office door behind her. Robert smiles at Chris and waves as he walks backward down the hallway, still looking at the painting.

INT. NAOMI’S OFFICE DAY Naomi has just deposited her weight behind her desk. The office is a wreck. Manuscripts, folders and books scattered everywhere.

Naomi rummages through some folders. Chris opens the door and enters cautiously.

NAOMI

(to no one)

What a crock of shit! Chris slinks toward the couch and tries to clear some room to sit down. Naomi speaks quickly, flitting from subject to subject. NAOMI

(to Chris)

Five thousand dollars for that piece of shit!

page 13 (waving it off)

Oh well, what’s done is done. Where did we find the artist,

anyway? I mean, can you believe? Where do we get these people? CHRIS

I don’t know.

NAOMI

I’m going to need several letters sent out. Do you have that contract for Sebastian?

Yes.

CHRIS

NAOMI

And, of course, the calls about the flowers for the banquet.

Yes.

CHRIS

NAOMI

You read the manuscript I gave you last night? I mean, it’s marvelous, isn’t it? I think she’s a first rate talent. I mean,

finally, a great novelist.

You liked it?

CHRIS

Well, I actually... NAOMI

Of course you liked it. Don’t pay the artist, by the way. Hold up his check till he screams

page 14 for it. I mean what a piece of

shit. And the banquet tomorrow.

Well, Sebastian will probably be

too drunk to know the difference. CHRIS

I needed to ask you about the

correspondence you need sent out. I didn’t get all the addresses. NAOMI

Now tomorrow I need everything to be perfect. Sebastian’s a schmuck but he’s my schmuck and

Clydesdale and I are very grateful for his sales.

And if this banquet goes really

well maybe Harold - God bless him - will start letting me sign some real books.

Yes.

CHRIS

NAOMI

And you liked the novel? CHRIS

Yeah, what I read. INT. CHRIS’S DESK - DAY Chris hunting and pecking on his typewriter. WILBUR, the guy in the cubicle next to him, is having a

phone conversation. Wilbur is the biggest misfit in a publisher full of misfits. A real life revenge of the nerd.

page 15 WILBUR

(sweetly)

Well how about if you come over tonight? I mean there are

certain, you know, biological urges we could attend to.

Chris, trying not to listen, keeps pecking at the typewriter. Wilbur giggles.

WILBUR

Yes, well, you could say that. Tonight then?

In frustration, Chris rips paper out of typewriter. CHRIS

Fuck this thing! We must be the

last business in the city without computers. INT. CORRIDOR - DUSK A weary-looking Chris carries an armload of

manuscripts. He passes a window and sees the sun going down.

INT. XEROX ROOM - NIGHT A manuscript is automatically fed through the xerox machine.

Watching the machine from a desk in the corner, Chris speaks apologetically on the phone. CHRIS

I know I said we would get together tonight.

page 16 Yeah, I know. I didn’t know today would be so crazy. I was hoping to get home early to do some

writing, then see you. But it’s so late, I’m just going to go

home, write a bit and go to bed. Is that OK? Yeah. Me too. The xerox machine starts making a loud noise. Then starts hurling papers.

CHRIS

Gwen, I gotta go.

He dashes to the machine, just as it grinds to a halt. He looks at the instruction panel. CHRIS

Yeah, like I can find a key operator.

EXT. EAST VILLAGE STREET - NIGHT Chris, looking like he’s been through hell, staggers home to his apartment building. INT. CHRIS’S APARTMENT - NIGHT Chris stares at a blank computer screen, his hands on the keyboard. Nothing is coming.

He gets up and rummages through a drawer. Finally pulls out and pen and an ash tray and sits back

down. He sucks on the pen as if it was a cigarette,

then taps it into the ash tray. He stares helplessly at the screen. Still nothing. He tries another drag. From behind him, there’s a sound.

page 17 ROBERT

Won’t work. There’s no nicotine in that pen.

Chris turns to see Robert at the window, standing on the fire escape.

CHRIS

What are you? Batman? Robert climbs in through the open window. ROBERT

You know you should really

tighten the security in this place. Anybody can get in.

Apparently.

CHRIS

ROBERT

Working on the masterpiece?

Trying.

CHRIS

ROBERT

I have just the thing to help. CHRIS

And that would be? ROBERT

Come out for a drink with me. CHRIS

Robert, I have to write.

page 18 ROBERT

(imitating Chris’s whine)

I have to write! Isn’t that what Nicholson says in the Shining right before he goes nuts and

starts trying to axe everyone? Come on. I saw that painting you had to sit next to all day. You need a drink.

I can’t.

CHRIS

EXT. SIDEWALK LOWER EAST SIDE - NIGHT Chris strolls lazily, letting his hand run across a fence that surrounds the housing project he and Robert are passing. Robert smokes a cigarette. ROBERT

You know you don’t have to work for her. There are plenty of other jobs.

CHRIS

I want to work on fiction and

poetry. With my clerical skills

she was the only one crazy enough to hire me.

ROBERT

What’s she published lately that you like?

CHRIS

She’s moving into more interesting things.

page 19 ROBERT

Like that piece of crap you were supposed to read last night? CHRIS

I only glanced at it. ROBERT

Naomi wouldn’t know a good piece of writing if it bit her.

Let me show you something. Robert stops, puts his hand on Chris’s shoulder and points to the corner they are approaching.

Standing out against the darkened East Village

street is a big shiny, generic cafe. The huge sign says MOON BEAMS.

ROBERT

That is what this society is becoming. Culture is slowly,

insidiously being replaced by chain stores. It’s the final defeat of the American imagination.

CHRIS

The coffee’s pretty good. ROBERT

That’s exactly what they want you to believe. They think if they

put in a few brass fixtures, hire pretty waitresses and serve

croissants you’ll ignore the fact they’re peddling a formula.

page 20 They’re no different from any burger chain.

CHRIS

Yeah, but if people like it, what’s the problem? ROBERT

People like it because it’s easy. Same reason they go for

Sebastian’s self help books. They want everything gift wrapped. Life is messier than that. An artist needs to celebrate the mess.

CHRIS

Robert, you do freelance book covers.

ROBERT

(shrugs)

You also gotta eat. EXT. SIDEWALK OUTSIDE KOREAN GROCER - NIGHT Robert stops in front of a corner store, takes a

quick last drag on his cigarette and puts it out. Chris looks at him quizzically. ROBERT

It’s a nice night. Let’s just get some beer and take it to the park.

CHRIS

Is that a good idea?

page 21 ROBERT

Sure it’s a good idea. EXT. SIDEWALK OUTSIDE KOREAN GROCER - NIGHT Robert and Chris exit the store, holding beer

bottles in paper bags. Robert twists off the top of his beer and takes a drink. Chris looks up and down the street nervously. He plays with the cap on his bottle, but doesn’t open it.

EXT. WASHINGTON SQUARE PARK - NIGHT Washington Square Park is ghostly at night,

populated by shadowy creatures - skate punks, guitar players with dred locks, drug dealers.

Robert stands on the side of a dry fountain. Chris sits cradling his beer. He takes a cautious sip. CHRIS

Look, after we finish, let’s go someplace else. I’m cold. ROBERT

You are so uptight! It’s a nice

night. Nothing’s going to happen. A POLICE OFFICER appears out of the darkness. COP

What’s in the bags, boys? Robert turns, surprised. He’s about to answer, when Chris cuts him off.

CHRIS

(glumly)

It’s beer.

page 22 COP

Please step over here and empty

the bottles. I’m going to need to see some I.D.

ROBERT

You’re joking me.

CHRIS

Robert!

(alarmed)

ROBERT

This is Washington Square Park

and you’re going to bust us for drinking beer? Do you have any

idea what’s going on around you? COP

Just show me your I.D., sir.

INT. BAR - NIGHT Chris slumps on bar stool staring at a shot of scotch. Robert sits straight, smoking. CHRIS

Fifty bucks. I can’t even afford next month’s rent as it is. I can’t believe you.

ROBERT

They’ll throw it out of court. The cop was going for an easy

summons. There were drug dealers ten feet from us he wasn’t touching.

page 23 CHRIS

It’ll stand up. This always

happens. I was one of those kids who always got caught when I broke the rules.

ROBERT

I wish you’d told me that before. CHRIS

Can I have a cigarette? ROBERT

No.

CHRIS

My life sucks. Give me a cigarette.

ROBERT

You know you just need to make up your mind, take a decisive action.

CHRIS

You didn’t need to provoke that cop, either.

ROBERT

Be a smoker. Or be a non-smoker. Just be something. Quit your job or be happy with it. Break up

with Gwen or move to the suburbs. You don’t even like her. CHRIS

(Defensively)

I like her.

page 24 ROBERT

The only reason you date Gwen is because she’s safe. You knew she’d go out with you. CHRIS

I hate it when you get like this. ROBERT

Come on. If you could have any woman you choose, who would it be? Fantasize.

At the front of the bar, the door opens. ARIEL, a beautiful woman in her early twenties with short

cropped hair, a nose stud and a leather jacket steps in and surveys the bar.

CHRIS

I’ll take her. Now give me a cigarette. INT. BAR - NIGHT At POOL TABLE in back of bar, Chris cues up a corner shot as Robert watches. Chris takes a long time lining up the shot. Robert looks at his watch.

Finally Chris takes the shot. The ball misses the hole by an inch.

CHRIS

I just can’t get a break. ROBERT

Here it comes.

CHRIS

I moved here to write a damn

book. And what do I do? I spend all my time reading bad

page 25 manuscripts and trying to pay my rent.

ROBERT

(lining up his shot)

And losing to me in pool. Robert takes his shot and sinks it. Robert lines up another shot.

ROBERT

You’re letting people beat you.

Excuse the obvious metaphor, but you let someone else control the table, they get to call all the shots. FRONT BAR Ariel turns abruptly on the guy sitting next to her and throws her drink on him. He looks shocked. ARIEL

Keep your fucking hands to yourself!

(to the bartender)

Tell your friend to behave

himself next time. I’ll need another drink. POOL TABLE Chris stares across bar at Ariel. Robert points with his pool stick.

ROBERT

That’s exactly what I mean.

page 26 FRONT BAR Ariel takes her drink and leans defiantly against the wall. A woman who apparently knows her comes over to express sympathy. Ariel waves it off. POOL TABLE CHRIS

She’s amazing.

ROBERT

So go talk to her. CHRIS

I can’t talk to her! You saw what she just did!

ROBERT

The guy was a pig. Go tell her you loved what she just did.

I can’t.

CHRIS

ROBERT

(concentrating on his next shot)

Exactly what I’ve been talking about.

EXT. STREET - NIGHT The bar door in the pouring rain. Chris opens the door, looks with horror at the rain and pulls his

coat over his head. Robert steps out bareheaded. He looks up at the sky and spreads out his hands.

page 27 EXT. STREET - NIGHT As they walk home, Robert dances in circles,

drenched. Chris is sulking, with his jacket still over his head.

ROBERT

This feels amazing. Come on! Get wet! I dare you.

Robert pushes Chris. Chris tries to avoid him.

Robert pushes again. Chris stumbles over his feet, almost falls. When Robert comes for another push, Chris is ready for him and pushes back.

Robert grabs Chris’s head. Chris struggles to free himself and falls backward.

Robert pounces toward him. Both go sprawling toward the street where the gutter is overflowing with water.

A TAXI barrels by, dousing them both with a wave. Robert grabs Chris by the hair and starts splashing water from the gutter on to him. CHRIS

Get off me you fucking lunatic! Chris tackles Robert into the gutter and they flop

around until they finally pull themselves up on the curb, exhausted and laughing.

You’re wet.

You’re nuts.

ROBERT

CHRIS

page 28 EXT. STREET - NIGHT Chris’s stoop is visible down the block. Robert and Chris hang on each other, still laughing. CHRIS

This is my stop.

ROBERT

Who’s that sitting on your stoop? CHRIS’S STOOP Under a large red umbrella, sits Gwen, looking wilted and miserable. STREET

Shit.

CHRIS

EXT. CHRIS’S STOOP - NIGHT Chris approaches cautiously. Robert strolls behind him, at a safe distance.

CHRIS

What are you doing here? GWEN

(tearing up)

You said you’d be home writing

late. I felt sorry for you so I brought you cookies. CHRIS

Gwen, I can explain. GWEN

I think it’s self explanatory.

page 29 Gwen leaps to her feet, shoves a cookie tin into Chris’s

hands and runs toward her car.

EXT. GWEN’S CAR - NIGHT Gwen is fumbling with her key, while still trying to keep her umbrella above her head. Chris tries to lean under the umbrella to talk to her. CHRIS

I was going to stay home. Robert showed up.

GWEN

I thought you were different. I believed you when you kept

telling me how busy you were. God, I am such a fool.

Gwen manages to open the door and struggles to get her umbrella closed. She hits Chris with the umbrella to back him away from the door. GWEN

My mother told me to stay away from guys who write poetry.

There’s something wrong there, she said!

Gwen!

CHRIS

GWEN

I’m out of here. Gwen slams the door.

Chris runs his hand over his face as he watches

Gwen’s red tail lights disappear through the rain.

page 30 INT. CHRIS’S OFFICE - DAY Chris sits at his desk, his head in his hands, obviously hung over.

INT. CHRIS’S OFFICE - DAY Naomi sweeps past Chris’s desk. NAOMI

I need your notes on that novel by this afternoon. CHRIS

I haven’t finished it yet. NAOMI

I promised Mary Louise I would

have my notes by this afternoon. You have to finish them. CHRIS

You never gave me a deadline. NAOMI

I’m giving you one now. Is

everything set for the caterer tonight?

CHRIS

Yeah, I think everything’s fine. HAROLD EASTMAN, a nattily dressed, short balding man in his fifties, breezes past Chris toward his office, which is next to Naomi’s.

The plate on the door says HAROLD EASTMAN, PUBLISHER.

Without looking at her, he addresses Naomi.

page 31 HAROLD

Naomi, I need to see you in my office.

NAOMI

I’ll be right in, Harold. HAROLD

Oh and... Charles... Charles, do be a good boy and go down the

street and get me an apple. I’m famished.

CHRIS

(under his breath)

It’s Chris.

EXT. KOREAN GROCER - DAY Chris rummages through a basket for an apple. Behind him (and unseen by him) Ariel enters the shop.

Chris turns toward the counter, apple in hand. He sees Ariel and almost drops the apple.

Ariel chooses a muffin from a basket by the register and puts it on the counter.

ARIEL

And a cup of coffee please. The woman behind the counter pours the coffee. WOMAN

That’s $2.40.

ARIEL

$2.40? How much is the muffin?

page 32 The woman doesn’t answer and Ariel begins to rummage in her pocket, pulling out a couple of crumpled bills and some change.

ARIEL

I’m short a few cents. Overhearing, Chris begins to fumble in his pockets

for pennies, but as he reaches out his hand with the change, the woman at the counter says: WOMAN

Don’t worry about it. You can settle up next time.

Thanks.

ARIEL

EXT. SIDEWALK - DAY Chris hurries out of the Korean deli, holding the apple.

Ariel is already two blocks away, walking casually, sipping her coffee as she goes.

Chris stares after her a moment. Then shakes his head and tosses the apple lightly in the air. INT. HAROLD’S OFFICE - DAY Harold leans back in his chair behind a huge desk. Naomi paces with agitation in front of it. NAOMI

He doesn’t need a personal escort. He’s got a whole entourage.

page 33 HAROLD

Someone from Clydesdale needs to

meet him at the airport. He’s our top selling author. NAOMI

I have a meeting with a novelist this afternoon.

Chris knocks lightly at the door and enters, cautiously holding out the apple. CHRIS

Excuse me. Your apple, sir? NAOMI

Chris, do you have plans this afternoon?

CHRIS

I was going to work on those notes.

NAOMI

Forget about the notes. We have

something more important for you to do.

EXT. CAR ON HIGHWAY - DAY Chris sits slumped in the back seat of a limo, stuck in traffic, looking miserable. INT. AIRPORT - DAY Chris rushes through a crowd toward the baggage area. He carries a handwritten sign reading SEBASTIAN FOSTER.

page 34 As he stumbles toward the baggage area, he sees SEBASTIAN FOSTER, looking very much like his

portrait, standing impatiently. A busty blonde with a worried look on her face clings to his arm. SEBASTIAN

You’re late. Nobody keeps me waiting.

CHRIS

Sorry, there was traffic. SEBASTIAN

Here, take my bags.

Yes sir.

CHRIS

Chris circles a large pile of bags, trying to decide the best strategy for carrying them.

He grabs them up awkwardly and stumbles after

Sebastian and his escort, who are already on their way out the exit door, toward the car. INT. CAR ON HIGHWAY - DUSK Chris sits in the front seat looking uncomfortable. Sebastian hangs on his mistress in the back seat. He pulls a flask from his pocket, takes a drink and

offers some to his mistress, who giggles as she sips from it.

SEBASTIAN

I hate these things, you know,

but it’s the price of fame. You have to let people kiss up to you.

page 35 (to mistress)

You can kiss up to me all you want.

MISTRESS

Oh Sebastian.

INT. BANQUET ROOM - NIGHT In a dimly lit banquet hall, Naomi, in formal

attire, smiles broadly as she greets Sebastian.

Howard stands at her side in a tux. Sebastian is accompanied by the blonde.

NAOMI

Oh, darling, you look terrific. We are so thrilled.

SEBASTIAN

Naomi, dear, you look like you’ve gained weight.

INT. BANQUET ROOM KITCHEN - NIGHT Chris, wearing a tweed sports coat that is too large for him and another badly tied tie, dodges a caterer with an hors d’oeuvre tray as he works his way through the kitchen.

The head caterer inspects a tray of stuffed mushrooms, just out of the over. Chris approaches him. CHRIS

My boss sent me back here to see how you’re doing.

page 36 CATERER

Considering the fact I was told this would be a smaller party than it is, we’re fine. We

haven’t run out of food yet. CHRIS

Anything I can do to help? CATERER

(looks at Chris skeptically)

Well, I am short at one of the bars, if you want to help out there.

INT. BANQUET ROOM DRINKS TABLE - NIGHT A crowd of people squeezes in front of the table.

NICK, the bartender, calmly pours a glass of wine. Chris frantically pulls two bottles of beer from an ice tub in back of the table. He tries to open one as he turns back to the customers. It froths over and Chris unsuccessfully tries to stem the flood with a towel.

Finally he sets the beer on the floor and grabs

another for the customer. The man frowns at him as he hands him the beer.

Nick speaks with an English accent. NICK

(with tolerance)

Why don’t you just hand me the bottles?

page 37 INT. BANQUET ROOM - NIGHT Sebastian stands behind a podium, oozing charm. The

audience applauds and Sebastian hold up his hands to get them to stop. He smiles broadly. SEBASTIAN

I’d like to thank you all for coming tonight. All this

attention is really rather overwhelming. I am indeed humbled.

But it’s not me who deserves the credit for the success of my

books. That success is due to the human spirit in each of my

readers. The desire to strive for enlightenment, to improve one’s

life. I have only offered a road map for others to find truth

within themselves. I am a humble conduit for some very profound, but universal ideas. BAR Now that the speech has started, there’s no crowd at the bar. Nick sits on a stack of beer cashes. Chris, looking a wreck, leans on the wall next to him. Nick turns to Chris and whispers. NICK

And a bloody rich conduit at that. PODIUM Naomi approaches the podium, beaming falsely.

page 38 NAOMI

Sebastian, I’d just like to say what a thrill it is to have you here tonight. Our lives at

Clydesdale Press have been deeply enriched by our association with you and we look forward to continued mutual success.

And now, as a token of our

profound admiration, we would

like to present you with a gift. Naomi motions to the side. Harold approaches the podium with two women who

carry the painting, which is veiled and sitting on a display easel. They set it up in front of Sebastian. NAOMI

We had this commissioned in your honor. Harold?

Harold unveils the painting. Several people in the audience almost snicker. BAR NICK

You’re fucking joking. PODIUM SEBASTIAN

(retaining his composure)

Oh, Naomi, I’m overwhelmed.

page 39 BAR Applause in the background. Nick turns to Chris. NICK

You know I read somewhere that

guy wrote his first book in jail for dealing junk bonds. Only in America. He pretends to have a

spiritual rebirth in jail, uses his time there to write a book, then gets out in time for his book signing.

CHRIS

You’re kidding.

NICK

Look it up. He’s your author. INT. BANQUET HALL - NIGHT The party is breaking up. Naomi and Harold accompany Sebastian and the blonde to the coat check room. NAOMI

You don’t like the painting. SEBASTIAN

Really, darling, I’m touched, but I can’t cart that thing back to

the hotel. Have your people ship it to me.

NAOMI

We’ll send it right out. SEBASTIAN

Lovely evening. Thank you both so much.

page 40 (kissing the blonde)

Well, must get back to the hotel. INT. BANQUET HALL - NIGHT Harold and Naomi watch Sebastian and his lady get on the elevator.

HAROLD

His wife is lovely. NAOMI

Oh, Harold, really. EXT. STREET - NIGHT Chris struggles with the painting which is too large to be carried easily by one person. He tries to hail a cab, but it drives past.

INT. POLISH RESTAURANT - DAY Chris and Robert sit in a booth in a crowded Lower East Side Polish restaurant.

Robert takes a huge bite of the mound of eggs and

corned beef hash in front of him. Chris nibbles from a bagel.

Chris’s hair is wild and there are bags under his eyes - he obviously has slept little or fitfully. Robert, as usual, looks great. After a pause for eating, Robert speaks.

ROBERT

You know, I can give you the number of my hair stylist.

Lay off.

CHRIS

page 41 ROBERT

If you’re going to play this

game, you can’t get depressed by its rules.

CHRIS

The guy’s a complete sham and he makes more money off one public appearance than most serious writers get for an advance. ROBERT

It’s not about talent or

sincerity. It’s what I’ve been

telling you. It’s presentation. CHRIS

Maybe I should just get thrown into jail. It worked for Sebastian.

ROBERT

What do you mean?

CHRIS

Some guy told me last night that Sebastian was originally a junk bond dealer. He got thrown into

jail for insider trading and used the time to write a book.

I mean it’s perfect, right? What

are the main obstacles to writing - time, money, distractions. Jail takes away all of that. You

certainly don’t have to worry about paying rent.

page 42 ROBERT

I think you’re on to something. CHRIS

Yeah, right. I could go to jail, become a Jehovah’s witness, and write a memoir about how God

saved my life. Do the talk show circuit. People love a good redemption story.

ROBERT

No. But the basic concept is good.

Bob.

CHRIS

ROBERT

Don’t call me Bob. I’m serious. This is perfect for you. All we have to do is to come up with a crime.

CHRIS

I was joking. I can’t commit a crime.

ROBERT

It’ll be easy. You said yourself

you get caught whenever you break the rules. We’ll just turn your bad luck to your advantage. CHRIS

Going to jail is not to my advantage!

page 43 ROBERT

And scraping for a living working for Naomi is?

CHRIS

You’re insane.

ROBERT

I’ve never been more clear. INT. LOWER EAST SIDE STORE - DAY Robert looks out over a shelf of Elvis statuettes. The store is small, colorful, stacked from floor to ceiling with kitsch items - plastic toys, 3-D Jesus

Postcards, various images of cultural icons - Elvis, Marilyn, James Dean.

Across the room Chris inspects a Brady Bunch Tshirt.

ROBERT

Let her go. She was wrong for you.

CHRIS

I just feel shitty about it.

ROBERT

Come to this party tonight. You can meet someone new. CHRIS

I hate costume parties. ROBERT

Costumes are optional. It’ll be fun.

page 44 INT. STAIRWELL - NIGHT Chris cautiously climbs a darkened stairway in a warehouse-like apartment building. Paint on the

walls is chipping. The wide stairwell echoes with

his footsteps. A few floors above him the sound of

voices and music from the party seep through a door. Dressed in T-shirt, jeans, and a well-worn and baggy sports jacket, Chris stops on the stairway for a moment and listens. INT. PARTY - NIGHT The apartment door opens. Chris slumps in the door way as he’s hit by sound and smoke.

A hefty woman dressed as a butterfly takes Chris’s hand.

Come on in.

BUTTERFLY

INT. PARTY - NIGHT Chris surveys the room. The apartment is a huge

gallery space and it’s packed. A spinning disco ball shoots shafts of light from the center of the dance floor. Almost everyone wears an elaborate costume. The music is loud and insistent.

Chris stands like a deer in headlights, shellshocked.

A hand grabs his shoulder, making him jump. He

whirls to find Robert, dressed as the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland, a hookah in one hand.

page 45 CHRIS

You told me this wasn’t really a costume party.

I lied.

ROBERT (turning to two women standing nearby)

To the kitchen with him!! Robert and one of the women grab Chris by the

shoulders and push him in the direction of the kitchen.

INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT Chris is roughly shuffled through the kitchen door. A man without a costume stands by the kitchen table. Two women dressed as angels are attending to him.

One is painting his face, the other wrapping the top of his head in tinfoil.

Chris looks around and sees a number of other people in tinfoil costumes, each one different.

Robert gives Chris a quick shove forward. ROBERT

Here’s another one for you! A big drunken guy dressed as a GLADIATOR sweeps a bottle off the counter and screams: GLADIATOR

Penalty shot!

Chris looks in horror as the gladiator pours whiskey into a Dixie cup.

page 46 The Gladiator pushes the cup toward Chris. GLADIATOR

You gotta do a penalty shot! CHRIS

(trying to push it away)

I don’t want a penalty shot!

House rules.

ROBERT

GLADIATOR

(grabbing another cup)

Resistance is futile! That’s two penalty shots!

ROBERT

It’ll keep going up. Robert takes the first cup from the Gladiator and hands it to Chris as he escorts him toward the table.

Chris downs the cup in a swift gulp. The angels, who have finished with the alien they were creating, smile and clap. The Gladiator screams.

GLADIATOR

Penalty shot! Penalty shot! INT. PARTY - NIGHT Chris, now wrapped in tinfoil to look like the Tin

Man from the Wizard of Oz, stands by the booze table

page 47 at the outskirts of the dance floor. Drinking, looking miserable.

On his tinfoil breastplate, a heart has been drawn with red lipstick. Light from the disco ball reflects off his tinfoil hat and nose.

He takes a swig of whiskey and stares at the dance floor.

DANCE FLOOR The dance floor is full of pretty people in costume. Model-like women, dark well-toned guys. An arts crowd.

BOOZE TABLE Chris clears a corner of the table and hops up to

sit. The table is less stable than he thought. Like a seesaw, the end he sits on goes down as the

opposite end flies up, sending a couple of bottles crashing to the floor. Chris stands quickly. DANCE FLOOR The pretty people turn to look, then go back to dancing.

BOOZE TABLE Chris crawls on his hands and knees, picking up

glass and trying to clean up the booze with a towel. He picks up a jagged shard of glass and cuts himself. He winces. It’s bleeding. ARIEL

Can I help you with that?

page 48 Chris turns to see a woman wearing a formal dress and a gorilla mask (Ariel). The mask only covers

part of her face - her mouth and chin are exposed.

Who are you?

CHRIS

ARIEL

Fay Wray and King Kong’s illegitimate daughter.

Nice.

CHRIS

ARIEL

Let me see that.

(she takes his hand and examines it.)

Doesn’t look too bad. It’s doused in alcohol, anyway.

Here let me help you. She picks up a piece of glass. ARIEL

You know, that was the funniest thing I’ve seen all night. INT. EDGE OF THE DANCE FLOOR - NIGHT Chris holds a stack of napkins against his bleeding hand. Ariel, still in mask, stands next to him. ARIEL

So what do you do? CHRIS

I work for a book publisher.

page 49 ARIEL

You an editor or something. CHRIS

Glorified secretary. I write. Robert glides toward them, hookah in hand.

ROBERT

There you are!

(to Ariel)

Better watch him, darling, he’s looking for a heart. CHRIS

(glumly)

This is Robert.

ROBERT

The hookah is loaded and

bubbling. Can I interest you? CHRIS

I’ve had quite a few penalty shots.

ROBERT

Then this is just the thing to pick you up.

(offering to Ariel)

Miss Kong?

Sure.

ARIEL

Robert hands her the hookah and a lighter. Ariel lights the hookah and inhales.

page 50 Holding in the smoke, she passes the pipe to Chris.

Chris hesitates. Robert takes Chris’s hand and leads it toward the hookah.

ROBERT

Take some, it’s good for you. INT. DANCE FLOOR - NIGHT Robert dances as wildly as his costume permits, swishing his tail back and forth. He’s a good dancer.

Ariel dances slowly and rhythmically, arms outstretched, as if to touch the sound.

Chris shuffles his feet to the side of them, barely

moving, mechanical - drunk. He looks up at the disco ball.

The ball spins. Light radiates, pulsates. Everything is meshing together, the lights, the bodies of the

dancers, the rhythm of the music. The ball seems to spin faster.

Chris jerks his head away, looking forward. He tries to open his half-closed eyes. He looks a little green.

He turns to Robert, stepping on Ariel as he does so.

Hey!

ARIEL

CHRIS

Robert, I think I have to... He looks back up. The light spins off the disco ball in an alarming fashion.

page 51 Chris begins to wretch and throws his hand to his mouth. He dashes off the dance floor. Robert gathers his tail to follow. ROBERT

(to Ariel)

Be right back.

INT. OUTSIDE BATHROOM - NIGHT Robert presses his head against the door, listening. He raps on the door.

ROBERT

All right in there? INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT Chris is curled up on the floor, his chin on the

toilet. his tinfoil costume is starting to come off. CHRIS

(mumbling)

I’m fine. Just resting. He starts to wretch again. Puts his face back toward the toilet.

INT. OUTSIDE BATHROOM - NIGHT Robert still listening at the door. ROBERT

I’m coming in there. INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT Chris struggles to his feet. He grabs a towel and

wipes his across his face, grips the sink and looks in the mirror.

page 52 His tin foil nose is bent and falling off. His

silver make-up is streaked where he ran the towel across his mouth.

From outside we hear Robert.

Let me in.

ROBERT

Chris turns on the cold water and lets it run over

his hands for a moment, then leans down and splashes it on his face.

INT. OUTSIDE BATHROOM - NIGHT The door opens and Chris, grim-faced, looking like hell, attempts a smile at Robert.

I’m fine.

CHRIS

INT. DANCE FLOOR - NIGHT Chris and Robert pushing through the crowd. Chris moves with leaden feet. Robert looks for Ariel. ROBERT

Now, where did Ms. Kong go? Chris looks through the crowd toward the front door and sees:

FRONT DOOR Ariel and several friends, with their coats on, getting ready to go.

The butterfly is hugging them good-bye. As Ariel waits to say good-bye, she pulls her mask off, revealing her identity for the first time.

page 53 DANCE FLOOR Chris grabs Robert’s shoulders and pulls him to look toward the door. FRONT DOOR Ariel hugs the hostess and appears to thank her. One of her group, a good-looking guy, opens the door and she’s gone.

DANCE FLOOR Chris turns to Robert in despair.

Oh God.

CHRIS

He rips the tinfoil off his chest, crumpling the lipstick-drawn heart.

EXT. ROOF OF BUILDING - NIGHT Robert’s costume lies crumpled next to a skylight.

Robert stands on the edge of the roof in jeans and a T-shirt, looking out over the city. He lights a cigarette.

Chris slumps against the door to the roof, with a bottle of whiskey between his legs. Robert inhales. ROBERT

I think she liked you. CHRIS

Give me a cigarette, Bob. ROBERT

Don’t call me Bob.

page 54 CHRIS

You’ve wrapped me in tin foil,

forced penalty shots on me, and

gotten me so stoned I puked. You owe me a fucking cigarette. ROBERT

(tossing him a cigarette)

Fair enough.

But it could have been worse. CHRIS

Worse? I knocked over a table. I

stepped on the girl of my dreams, then almost spewed my dinner on her. How could things have been worse?

ROBERT

I think she liked your helplessness.

CHRIS

(lighting up)

Fuck off. You think everything’s a fucking joke.

ROBERT

And you take everything way too seriously.

CHRIS

(takes a swig of whiskey)

Nothing is going anywhere for me.

page 55 ROBERT

Then fight it. Take action. CHRIS

Tomorrow I’ll be hung over. I’ll read the manuscript of a bad

novel. Monday I’ll be back at

work praising the thing to Naomi because she’s already bought it

and thinks it’s a work of genius. Then I’ll talk on the phone to

Sebastian for half an hour giving him the details of his book tour. None of which he’ll remember

because he’ll have been hitting the vodka since ten.

Shoulda stayed in the Midwest and gotten a job at a bank or something.

ROBERT

Is that what you want? CHRIS

World’s not set up to benefit would-be writers and artists. ROBERT

Yeah, but there’s a loop hole. Let’s do it. CHRIS

(standing)

What are you talking about?

page 56 ROBERT

Let’s get thrown into jail. If

nothing else we can write a book about it and make a bundle off that. It’s perfect. CHRIS

It must be awfully dark up there with your head so far up your butt.

ROBERT

You said it yourself! What have you got to lose? If the

alternative is moving back to Iowa.

CHRIS

(drains the last swig from the bottle)

Nothing wrong with Iowa. ROBERT

We’ll start small, just to see

what it feels like, then go from there.

CHRIS

And what did you have in mind? ROBERT

I was thinking that painting of

Sebastian would look fabulous in your apartment.

Chris takes a drag on his cigarette, contemplating. He shrugs and tosses the bottle off the roof.

page 57 The bottle smashes on the ground below, setting off a car alarm, which squeals like a siren into the night.

INT. CHRIS’S DESK - DAY Chris sits staring at his typewriter. In the

background, Wilbur is meticulously clipping his nails.

Naomi bursts from her office holding a mock up of a book cover. It looks like the cover of a romance novel.

NAOMI

(angry)

Have you seen this!

What is it?

CHRIS

NAOMI

The cover the art department came up with for Mary Louise’s novel. CHRIS

It doesn’t look so bad. NAOMI

They’re trying to ruin me.

They’re so used to publishing trash, they don’t know how to present a quality novel when they’re given one. CHRIS

Can’t you send it back and have them redo it?

page 58 NAOMI

And have them come up with

something worse. No. I want you to get Barry MacCloud on the phone.

CHRIS

There’s no budget left on the

book to pay for an outside cover design.

NAOMI

Just get Barry on the phone. Robert comes around the corner, carrying his usual cups of coffee.

ROBERT

(feigning hurt)

Naomi, if you need a cover

design, you just need to ask. NAOMI

(turning back to her office)

Thank you, Robert, but I thought we’d hire someone with some talent.

ROBERT

Always a pleasure, Naomi. INT. CHRIS’S DESK - DAY Robert sits on Chris’s desk, drinking coffee.

Sebastian’s portrait is back on top of the filing cabinet. Robert stares at it and smiles.

Wilbur sits at his desk in the background, listening.

page 59 ROBERT

When’s it going out? CHRIS

I’m supposed to ship it out

tomorrow night. Sebastian’s doing a reading in Seattle and won’t be home to receive it for a couple of days.

ROBERT

I am going to miss it. There’s

been such an... AURA around the office since it’s been here.

Yeah.

CHRIS (with a glance

toward Wilbur, he leans forward to whisper)

What time tonight? ROBERT

I’ll meet you at your place

around seven. You can get out of here?

CHRIS

Shouldn’t be a problem. ROBERT

(full voice)

Well, since my work obviously

isn’t appreciated around here I’m heading home to do some

illustrations for Random House! Say good-bye to Naomi for me.

page 60 As Robert sweeps down the hall, Wilbur watches him suspiciously.

INT. NAOMI’S OFFICE - DAY Chris sits sunk into the couch in Naomi’s office between a pile of manuscripts.

Naomi sits behind her desk, reading glasses perched on her nose.

NAOMI

Barry’s free and is happy to do the cover.

CHRIS

How much is he charging? NAOMI

Five thousand and he’s worth

every penny. I told him about the book and he has some brilliant ideas.

CHRIS

Five thousand is more than you

paid the author for an advance. Where are you going to get the money?

NAOMI

(handing Chris a piece of paper)

I want you to fill out this

voucher. List him as doing extra

illustrations for Sebastian’s new book and charge it to Sebastian’s royalty account.

page 61 CHRIS

(alarmed)

I can’t do that.

NAOMI

Darling, Sebastian hasn’t checked his royalty account for years. He has more advance money than he knows what to do with.

Don’t you think it’s fair that Sebastian’s drivel should help finance less commercial, more talented authors?

Mary Louise is a first-rate novelist and deserves every

chance to have her first book be seen and read.

Barry’s cover will give this book the look it needs. INT. CHRIS’S DESK - DAY Chris sits at his desk, chewing on the end of his pen, staring at the voucher in front of him. He

takes the pen out of his mouth and taps it on the side of his desk like he’s ashing a cigarette.

Finally, he puts pen to paper and begins to fill out the voucher.

EXT. SIDEWALK OUTSIDE CLYDESDALE BOOKS -NIGHT Robert stands with his back against the side of the Clydesdale building. He glances over his shoulder through the glass door. He wears a backpack. He turns to Chris, who stands next to him.

page 62 ROBERT

Looks like he’s in the back room, watching TV.

CHRIS

He’s usually asleep by now.

We’ll see.

ROBERT

Chris takes an access card from his wallet and

slides it through the electronic slot outside the door. The green light goes on. INT. LOBBY - NIGHT Robert slinks into the lobby and darts behind a pillar as Chris holds the door.

Chris turns toward the guard’s room, which is down a small corridor to the left of the door. CHRIS

(friendly)

Phil, you in?

When there’s no answer, Chris creeps down the

hallway and pokes his head through the door. The TV from inside the room is blaring.

Phil, the overweight security card, slouches in a chair his hat over his eyes, sound asleep. INT. LOBBY - NIGHT Chris walks quickly from the guard room, looking nervous.

page 63 CHRIS

He’s asleep. Let’s go. We’ll have to take the stairs. The elevator’s too visible. ROBERT

(smiling,

approvingly)

You’re good at this. INT. STAIRWELL - NIGHT Just inside the door to the stairs, Robert takes off his backpack and hands it to Chris. Chris pulls two ski masks and two pairs of gloves out of the pack. ROBERT

(putting on his ski mask)

Next time, we get something a little more fashionable. INT. STAIRWELL - NIGHT Robert and Chris creep up the stairs wearing ski masks and gloves. Chris stops and points up.

A surveillance camera is perched on the wall above the stairs.

Robert waves to the camera. Chris grabs him by the arm and pushes him up the stairs. INT. CLYDESDALE PRESS - NIGHT The stairway door into the Clydesdale office space opens slowly and Chris pokes his head out.

Most of the floor is dark, but a light is coming from Naomi’s office.

page 64 Chris ducks back in quickly. INT. STAIRWELL - NIGHT Chris turns to Robert. CHRIS

I knew we should have come later. She’s still here.

ROBERT

We’ll just have to wait her out. Open the door a crack. Let’s watch.

INT. NAOMI’S OFFICE - NIGHT Naomi sits back in her office chair, speaking loudly on the phone.

NAOMI

Darling, don’t worry! The check is in the mail!

No, no. You did a marvelous job on the second set of revisions, John. You saved the book. INT. STAIRWELL - NIGHT Chris turns to Robert. CHRIS

I didn’t know anything about a second set of revisions. That guy’s

a ghostwriter. She’s out

of budget on that book.

page 65 INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT Naomi comes out of her office, whistling, a piece of paper in her hand. She turns down the hallway. INT. STAIRWELL - NIGHT Chris pokes his head back in. CHRIS

She’s going toward the accounting office.

ROBERT

What are you, Sherlock Holmes?

We’re here to steal a painting, not catch your boss at creative accounting.

Robert peeks out the door. ROBERT

She’s coming back this way. CHRIS

Maybe we should just get out of here.

ROBERT

No, she’s locking her door. INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT Naomi strolls to the elevator bank and presses the down button. The elevator opens with a loud ding! and she gets on.

INT. OFFICE - NIGHT Chris pokes his masked face out of the stairwell

door and glances around. He turns back in to Robert.

page 66 CHRIS

Coast is clear.

Chris steps out the door into the office, still

looking guarded. Robert follows him casually and

walks past him toward the painting, which still sits atop the filing cabinet.

ROBERT

See? Nothing to worry about. (surveying the painting)

Sure is a beauty. We may have to share it.

CHRIS

(impulsively

picking up a pen from his desk)

Let’s just get this done and get out of here.

ROBERT

You’re never going to appreciate your life of crime unless you learn to stop and smell the

roses, enjoy the little moments. CHRIS

(sucking on the pen)

Do you have the bag? ROBERT

I bet Gwen would take you back if you gave this to her. I hear she’s a real fan.

page 67 Chris grabs the backpack out of Robert’s hand and pulls a large canvas duffel bag out of it. CHRIS

(going to the painting)

Let’s just get this done. As he begins to lift the painting, the elevator dings again.

Chris freezes and stares at Robert. Robert looks toward the elevator bank. Chris spits

out the pen, which is still in his mouth, and grabs the painting off the filing cabinet. CHRIS

Hurry.

Carrying the painting between them, Chris and Robert dash back toward the door to the stairwell. INT. OFFICE - NIGHT The elevator doors open. Wilbur and his girlfriend

come out of the elevator, entwined and giggling. His girlfriend is surprisingly good looking. WILBUR

(lasciviously)

Come along, my dear.

As they make their way past the filing cabinet,

Wilbur looks up to where the painting should be. WILBUR

That’s funny.

page 68 GIRLFRIEND

(fondling him)

Come on Pooh Bear. INT. STAIRWELL - NIGHT

Robert watches through the stairwell door, which is open a crack. He turns to Chris, who is part way down the stairs.

Pooh Bear?

ROBERT

CHRIS

Robert, we’re done. ROBERT

This is incredible. How does he do it?

INT. OFFICE - NIGHT Wilbur still stopped in front of the filing cabinet, leans down and picks up the pen Chris spit out. Inspecting it, he sees teeth marks.

Curious.

WILBUR

GIRLFRIEND

Baby, is her office door open? WILBUR

(turning back to her smiling)

No, but I have the key. INT. STAIRWELL - NIGHT Robert stifles a guffaw.

page 69 ROBERT

They’re gonna do it on his boss’s desk! We should come here at night more often!

Done now?

CHRIS

ROBERT

(reluctantly

closing the door)

Yeah, they closed the door. INT. CHRIS’S APARTMENT - NIGHT Sebastian’s portrait hangs above the futon frame in Chris’s studio.

Robert and Chris lay on the floor, looking up at it.

Looks great.

ROBERT

CHRIS

Enjoy it while it’s up. ROBERT

Who’s going to be coming for a

visit? You been having rendezvous with Naomi? After what I’ve seen tonight I’ll believe anything. CHRIS

I just think we ought to be cautious.

ROBERT

Excuse me, but last time I

checked we were trying to get caught.

page 70 CHRIS

Well, yeah, but not for this.

They wouldn’t send me to jail for this. I’d just lose my job. ROBERT

Not so bad. But you’re right. It’s time for phase two.

Phase two?

CHRIS

ROBERT

The real crime. How long do you

think it would take you to write a novel?

CHRIS

I don’t know. A couple of years .

That much?

ROBERT

CHRIS

Do you know anything about sentences?

ROBERT

I have a friend I think can help. INT. LAWYER’S APARTMENT - NIGHT Michael, a pale, balding young man, sits cross-

legged on the floor of his apartment, sucking on a bong. He wears what’s left of a suit - he’s taken

his jacket, tie and shoes off, and his shirt is half unbuttoned. Chris slouches on a worn leather couch, watching. Robert sits on a stool, playing with a

lava lamp. The apartment is a mess, legal briefs, clothing, and full ashtrays scattered everywhere.

page 71 After a long drag on the bong, Michael speaks. MICHAEL

You guys are freaks. You know that.

ROBERT

Just tell us what we want to know. Hypothetically. MICHAEL

Hypothetically, given the current system of oppression, if you

really want to get thrown into jail, you should become a

minority. As nice looking white boys, you don’t stand a chance. ROBERT

We just need a year or two. MICHAEL

You’ll stand more of a chance if

you have a previous record. First time offenders these days... you gotta do something really bad.

But you don’t want to get stuck with too stiff a sentence.

Robbery’s always good, though.

Breaking and entering. Or armed. Get caught red-handed for that, you might get the kind of

sentence you’re looking for. CHRIS

(looking at Robert)

Who are we going to rob?

page 72 EXT. STREET - NIGHT Robert and Chris stroll down a darkened street in the East Village.

CHRIS

I just think we ought to think about who it’s going to be. I

don’t want to rob some shop owner who’s barely making a go of it. ROBERT

A thief with a conscience. Good. CHRIS

Maybe we could rob a McDonald’s or something.

As he’s saying this they pass Moon Beams, the chain coffee store. It’s still open. Through the window, we see a few yuppie types sitting at tables, some talking, some reading magazines.

Robert stops and stares at the cafe. ROBERT

Or someplace like McDonald’s but a little closer to home. INT. MOON BEAMS - NIGHT In back of the cafe, Ariel stands in a Moon Beams

uniform, clothe in hand, lazily pretending to wipe off a cappuccino maker.

Her MANAGER, a slick looking guy with a mustache walks officiously from the kitchen.

page 73 MANAGER

Ariel, can I see you for a moment?

ARIEL

I’m cleaning it.

MANAGER

Ariel, your attitude has got to improve.

ARIEL

My attitude’s fine. MANAGER

The other girls have been

complaining. You’re rude to

customers, you don’t know a latte from a cappuccino, and you sneak out back to smoke when you’re supposed to be restocking napkins.

ARIEL

Tell people I’m an actress. MANAGER

This is Moon Beams and we have a code of conduct for our

employees. I don’t want to

threaten you, but if you don’t

improve, you may need to look for other work.

ARIEL

That would be tragic.

page 74 INT. CHRIS’S OFFICE - DAY Naomi stands accusingly above Chris, who sits at his desk.

NAOMI

What do you mean the painting is gone?

CHRIS

I don’t know. I came in this morning and it wasn’t here. NAOMI

That painting has to go out to Sebastian this afternoon. CHRIS

That’s going to be difficult. NAOMI

Do you know how much we spent on that painting?

CHRIS

He didn’t even like it. NAOMI

It doesn’t matter if he liked it. I want it found and I want it

sent to San Francisco tonight! At the next desk, Wilbur looks up cautiously from his reading.

INT. MAIL ROOM - DAY Chris looks through shelves of packages and books that are waiting to be mailed out.

page 75 As he moves a stack of books, Robert’s head appears on the other side of the shelf. ROBERT

Heard you were down here. CHRIS

Naomi thought someone might have moved the painting down here by mistake. I’m looking for it. ROBERT

That should keep you busy. CHRIS

She also had me put a call into

the police. They’re on their way down here.

ROBERT

Stay calm. We have more to do.

Don’t worry.

CHRIS

INT. CHRIS’S OFFICE - DAY In the hallway in front of Chris’s desk, Harold and Naomi speak to two police officers. Chris sits uncomfortably at his desk.

HAROLD

It is imperative we get this painting back.

POLICEMAN

I understand, sir. When was the last time you saw it.

page 76 NAOMI

I worked late last night and I’m

almost positive it was still here when I left.

POLICEMAN 1

See any people who didn’t belong here last night?

NAOMI

No. It’s unlikely someone would break in and only steal the painting.

HAROLD

Maybe one of the night janitors?

Could be.

NAOMI

POLICEMAN

We’ll check the tapes from the surveillance cameras.

(turning to Chris)

You were the first one in this morning?

Yes.

CHRIS

POLICEMAN

And the painting was gone when you got in?

CHRIS

I didn’t see it. No.

page 77 INT. MOON BEAMS - NIGHT Robert walks casually into Moon Beams and surveys

the coffee shop. Chris follows him, looking nervous, hunched over, his baseball cap pulled over his eyes. Robert elbows him sharply. ROBERT

(whispers)

The reason you always get caught is because you always look guilty!

Chris glares at him, but pulls his hat up and looks toward the order counter. Incomprehension turns to alarm as he sees:

Ariel serving coffee to two young women. Chris grabs Robert by the arm. CHRIS

Look!

ROBERT

(delighted)

Old home week!

CHRIS

Let’s get out of here! ROBERT

Oh no. We have a plan to carry out. Just go sit down and stop looking like you’re up to something.

Chris pulls his hat back down over his eyes and moves sideways toward a table.

page 78 INT. MOON BEAMS - NIGHT Robert approaches Ariel at the counter smiling. No

longer serving customers, Ariel leans on the counter staring into space, looking exhausted. ROBERT

What’s a girl like you doing in a dump like this?

ARIEL

(startled from her daydream)

What kind of line is that?

No line.

ROBERT

ARIEL

Do I know you?

ROBERT

Now that’s a line. ARIEL

You’re that caterpillar guy. ROBERT

They’ll put you away for saying stuff like that.

ARIEL

Did your buddy get home OK? He

looked like he was having a bad night.

page 79 ROBERT

(pointing over to

Chris at the table)

Nothing a little more whiskey didn’t fix.

(Chris slides down in his chair,

pretending not to be seen)

He’s shy.

ARIEL

What are you guys doing in this place?

ROBERT

Just getting a little jolt. ARIEL

Coffee’s better around the corner.

ROBERT

But it’s so shiny in here. ARIEL

What do you want? INT. MOON BEAMS - NIGHT

Robert approaches the table, carrying two cups of coffee.

Chris is still glaring at him. CHRIS

What was that?

ROBERT

I still think she likes you.

page 80 CHRIS

This is hardly the time. ROBERT

It would have been much more

suspicious to pretend not to know her. Relax.

(he takes a sip of the coffee)

Not bad. I might need to come here more often.

CHRIS

This is stupid. We should get out of here.

ROBERT

Drink your coffee. It calms the nerves.

INT. MOON BEAMS BATHROOM - NIGHT Robert pushes the bathroom door open and enters. He

looks around the room to see if anyone’s there, then walks to the urinal and begins to pee. INT. MOON BEAMS - NIGHT Chris, still at the table, cradles his cup of coffee with both hands, staring into it.

He looks up and sees Ariel staring at him from the counter. She smiles. Startled, he goes back to staring at his coffee.

INT. MOON BEAMS BATHROOM - NIGHT Chris bursts through the bathroom door. Looking frazzled, his eyes search the room for Robert.

page 81 There’s no sign of him. After a moment, Robert leaps from the toilet where

he’s been perched in a crouch. His feet appear below the stall, his head above it.

ROBERT

(smiling)

Still here.

CHRIS

What if it wasn’t me? ROBERT

I knew it was you. I could hear your heart beating.

Funny.

Like a tour?

CHRIS

ROBERT

CHRIS

Cafe’s clearing out. We should hurry.

ROBERT

Fair enough. Our chambers await us.

INT. MOON BEAMS - NIGHT The manager locks the front door. INT. MOON BEAMS - NIGHT The chairs in the cafe are on the tables. Ariel half-heartedly wipes the counter. Her manager comes up behind her.

page 82 MANAGER

Make sure you clean the milk

steamer more thoroughly tonight.

It was clogged yesterday morning. ARIEL

(turns lazily to face him)

Yes sir.

A BUS BOY makes his way across the dining room

toward the bathrooms, pushing a mop and bucket and carrying a bucket of cleaning supplies. INT. MOON BEAMS BATHROOM - NIGHT. The Bus Boy mops the bathroom floor. He kicks open the middle stall - he has a toilet brush and a bottle of cleanser.

On the toilet seat he sees two sets of SHOE PRINTS.

He looks confused for a moment, then takes a rag and wipes the shoe prints clean. INT. MOON BEAMS - NIGHT The cafe is closed and dark. Nothing stirs. INT. MOON BEAMS BATHROOM - NIGHT The bathroom is also dark and still. Suddenly

there’s a shuffling noise above the middle stall. Then scraping as:

A ceiling panel is pulled back and a tennis shoe emerges.

page 83 INT. MOON BEAMS - NIGHT Chris stands in the middle of the empty cafe, slowly turning. The room is completely locked - metal gates have been pulled down over the windows and doors. Robert rummages behind the counter, by the cash register.

Chris stops turning and speaks to the ceiling. CHRIS

Now, what are we supposed to do, Mr. Mastermind?

ROBERT

I figured out how to get us in. It was your job to get us out. CHRIS

Why do I listen to you? There’s nothing to steal. We can’t get out. And even if we were to

figure out how to trip an alarm to get the cops here, they’d

probably laugh and tell us to go home.

ROBERT

Kind of neat in here at night, though, don’t you think? CHRIS

I need a cigarette.

page 84 ROBERT

(surveying the

shelves behind the counter)

It’s not like there’s nothing to steal.

CHRIS

How many mugs did you want to cart out of here?

ROBERT

I’m not talking about the mugs. INT. MOON BEAMS - NIGHT In back of the counter, Robert finishes stuffing his backpack with coffee bags.

Chris sits on a table, looking weary. INT. MOON BEAMS BATHROOM CEILING - DAWN Chris sleeps uncomfortably curled between ceiling beams. Robert is curled nearby.

Stacked around them are bags of coffee, whatever didn’t fit in Robert’s backpack.

They hear the sound of a toilet flushing. Chris groans quietly and looks at his lighted watch. INT. MOON BEAMS - DAWN The cafe is full of a bleary morning crowd, standing in line, looking angry.

The manager is behind the counter, talking apologetically to a customer.

page 85 Robert, wearing his backpack, innocently approaches a MAN at the end of the line.

ROBERT

What’s going on? MAN

They say they’re out of coffee. ROBERT

How could that be?

Chris, his hat back on over his eyes, edges out the door.

INT. CLYDESDALE PRESS - DAY Chris dashes down the hallway, his tie half tied, shirt badly tucked in.

INT. CHRIS’S DESK - DAY Sliding into his desk, Chris looks at watch to see that it’s 10:05.

He looks up and down corridor, heaves a sigh when he doesn’t see anyone, then shuffles some papers to look busy.

Naomi bursts out of Harold’s office. NAOMI

Where have you been!?

I overslept.

CHRIS

NAOMI

I’ve been panicked. I have a

meeting with Mary Louise today

page 86 and a stack of letters to get out.

CHRIS

I’m here now.

NAOMI

You’ve always been so dependable. I need you to be dependable,

darling. I can’t survive this job without you.

INT. CHRIS’S DESK - DAY Chris attempts to type a letter. His phone rings. CHRIS

She’s here? I’ll be down. Chris gets up and pokes his head in Naomi’s door. CHRIS

Mary Louise is here. INT. CLYDESDALE PRESS LOBBY - DAY MARY LOUISE, a diminutive woman about Chris’s age, sits curled in chair in the waiting room, staring intently at the carpeting.

Mary Louise has long, dark messy hair, an oversized leather jacket, a haunted look. She’s very pale.

Across from her sits the receptionist, who is busy typing.

Chris opens the lobby door and steps into the room.

page 87

Mary Louise?

CHRIS

MARY LOUISE

(looking up, Yes.

startled)

CHRIS

(as if to explain)

I’m Chris Carpenter. Naomi’s

assistant? She can see you now. INT. ROBERT’S APARTMENT - NIGHT Robert’s apartment is a well-kept small loft. Several of his paintings are on the walls.

The breakfast bar is stacked with Moon Beams coffee. Robert lies on the couch. Chris paces in front of him, upset.

CHRIS

She’s my age!

ROBERT

That should encourage you. CHRIS

Her book is horrible. ROBERT

You’re just jealous. (getting up)

Want some coffee?

page 88 CHRIS

(slumping into a No.

chair)

ROBERT

It’s Moon Beams.

INT. ROBERT’S APARTMENT - NIGHT Robert comes out of the kitchen area with a cup of coffee. Chris is still slumped in the chair, glaring.

ROBERT

I bought something today. He sets the coffee down and reaches into a shopping bag on the floor. He pulls a gun out of the bag, holds it up, and smiles.

CHRIS

Are you nuts?

ROBERT

I’ve been thinking. We really botched it last night. CHRIS

So you bought a gun? ROBERT

(tossing the gun to Chris)

It’s a toy. Pretty realistic though, huh?

CHRIS

(sarcastically)

Fine workmanship.

page 89 ROBERT

Chris, think about it. CHRIS

I’m thinking.

ROBERT

Last night was a huge rush. And I think we can do better. INT. MOON BEAMS - NIGHT Ariel pours a cup of coffee and hands it to a customer.

CUSTOMER

It’s decaf, right? ARIEL

Oh, yeah, sure. That’s $1.50. The woman looks unsure, then pays and goes to sit down.

Ariel’s manager approaches. MANAGER

Was that really decaf? ARIEL

What does it matter? Even the decaf isn’t really decaf. MANAGER

(sighing)

I hate to do this, but I just got a call from my wife. She needs me to pick up a couple of things at the Body Shop before it closes.

page 90 I’m going to have to leave you to watch the business for a little while.

Do you think you can handle it? ARIEL

(a mock salute)

You can count on me, sir. INT. MOON BEAMS - NIGHT The cafe has become suddenly crowded and Ariel works the counter on her own.

There’s a line of impatient looking people. WOMAN

Can you hurry please? ARIEL

Lay off lady. EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT

Robert leans against a wall finishing a cigarette. Chris squats next to him.

ROBERT

(putting the

cigarette out on the wall)

Take your last breaths of freedom. We should be

incarcerated within the hour. You ready? CHRIS

Ready as I’ll ever be.

page 91 Chris stands and pulls two rubber masks out of his

backpack - they’re cheap rubber Halloween masks, the kind that pull over your whole head.

Chris tosses one to Robert. They put them on in unison.

Robert pulls out his toy gun and looks at Chris.

Let’s go.

ROBERT

INT. MOON BEAMS - NIGHT Robert bursts through the door of the cafe, brandishing his toy gun.

There’s still a small line. About half the tables are full.

Chris enters cautiously behind Robert, carrying the backpack.

Robert brandishes the gun. ROBERT

Everybody step away from the door and no one gets hurt! CHRIS

(to a punk rock kid near door)

Step away!

Ariel looks in amazement from the counter. The

customers who were in line back away from Robert. A young, intellectual-looking guy in a leather coat and glasses holding a cup of coffee takes a step toward Robert.

page 92 MAN

What do you think you’re doing, man? Put the gun down. ROBERT

We are the Cafe Liberation Army!

The what?

CHRIS

ROBERT

Our mission is to free the people from the oppression of chain

stores! Store by store. First the East Village, then onward until finally the whole country is cleansed!

The people have suffered too long!

CHRIS

(pulling Robert aside)

What are you doing? ROBERT

Nice touch, huh? Just came up with it.

(turning back to the customers)

Supporting Moon Beams is

supporting the malling in of our city!

Chris turns in disgust from Robert and approaches Ariel at the counter.

page 93 COUNTER CHRIS

(trying to disguise his voice)

Sorry about this, but can you

give me the money that’s in the register.

ARIEL

You guys are too much. CHRIS

Can you give me the money? ARIEL

Is this some play you’re

rehearsing or something? I don’t see a camera. CAFE Robert leaps onto a table. ROBERT

I claim this cafe in the name of free enterprise and local character! COUNTER Ariel smiles conspiratorially at Chris. ARIEL

You guys seem a little familiar. CHRIS

This is a real robbery.

page 94 ARIEL

(laughing)

Did he steal that gun from one of the kids on his block? CHRIS

(pleading)

I’m serious.

ARIEL

OK! Bandits aren’t supposed to whine, you know.

(opening the register and

removing money)

Bout time someone robbed this dump.

Really, though, this is some performance art thing or something, right? EXT. STREET - NIGHT A police car cruises up the street outside Moon Beams.

INT. POLICE CAR - NIGHT As they drive by, the cop in the passenger seat glances out the window and sees:

EXT. WINDOW OF MOON BEAMS - NIGHT Robert standing on table waving toy gun at customers.

INT. POLICE CAR - NIGHT Cop in passenger seat turns to driver.

page 95 COP

Joe, stop the car. I think

something’s going on in there. EXT. STREET - NIGHT Police car turns on lights and pulls to a stop, double-parked outside Moon Beams. EXT. STREET - NIGHT Several blocks away, Ariel’s manager strolls with a shopping bag from the Body Shop.

He looks up and see the lights of the police car in front of the store.

MANAGER

Shit.

He starts to run toward the store. INT. MOON BEAMS - NIGHT At the counter, Ariel starts to hand Chris the money.

ARIEL

(flirtatiously)

I bet you’re kind of cute under that mask.

Chris’s eyes through his mask look startled, unsure how to respond. He begins to take the money from

her. Their hands touch during the exchange. Ariel smiles at him.

As she smiles, she sees the lights of the police car through the window.

page 96 ARIEL

Shit! We have to get you out of here! Act like I’m a hostage.

From the table top, Robert turns to see cops getting out of car. He jumps off table. Ariel touches Chris on the arm. ARIEL

Act like you’ve got a knife. CHRIS

You don’t understand. ARIEL

Just wrap your arm around me and pretend to be pushing something into my back.

Not able to resist touching Ariel, Chris follows her direction.

Surprised, Robert sees Chris pushing Ariel through the kitchen door, then looks to see cops coming through the door.

Robert hesitates, then dashes after Chris and Ariel. INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT Ariel now leads Chris by the arm, trying to push him toward the door. Chris lingers. Robert bursts in after them. ARIEL

Would you hurry!

page 97 CHRIS

(helpless)

This isn’t what we planned. ARIEL

Jesus! I don’t know if you guys are for real or not but those cops are going to think so.

What are you trying to do, get caught?

ROBERT

Well, actually...

Ariel grabs them both and shoves them out the back door into an alley.

ARIEL

Get out of here!

Robert and Chris, not knowing what else to do, run to the left.

INT. MOON BEAMS KITCHEN - NIGHT The cop from the passenger seat kicks the door open. His partner leaps in, gun drawn.

There’s no one there but Ariel, who sits huddled by the stove, whimpering.

The first cop goes to her. COP 1

Are you all right, Miss. ARIEL

(choking back false Yes.

tears)

page 98 COP 1

We should call an ambulance just in case. She might be traumatized.

The second cop goes toward the open back door and looks outside.

COP 2

They ran out this way. COP 1

(to Ariel)

Did you see which way they went? ARIEL

They ran out to the right. EXT. ALLEY - DAY Chris trips over a garbage bag as he runs and goes sprawling. Robert, right behind him, has to jump over him.

Robert stops and rips of his mask, stuffing it into the trash bag.

ROBERT

You better get rid of yours too. Chris stumbles to his feet and looks back down the alley.

No one is coming. Chris pulls his mask off and tosses it. ROBERT

That was fucking awesome!

page 99 CHRIS

We were supposed to get caught! ROBERT

Yeah, but wasn’t it amazing?

CHRIS

What were you doing back there? ROBERT

I was making a statement. What were you doing? Adding attempted kidnapping to our

crime? You know how much that could have bucked up our sentence?

CHRIS

I couldn’t help it. She told me to.

ROBERT

You haven’t even gone out with

her and you’re already whipped. Come on, let’s get out of here. Chris starts to run, but Robert grabs his arm. ROBERT

Walk. No one notices you if you look like you’re not up to anything. EXT. STREET - NIGHT As Chris and Robert walk casually onto a side street, a cab approaches.

page 100 Chris waves. The cab stops. Chris and Robert get in. INT. ROBERT’S APARTMENT - DAY A tabloid newspaper lies open on the table. The headline reads: BEAN BANDITS BAMBOOZLE BLUE.

Robert comes out of the kitchen area with a cup of

coffee. He sits down at the table and stares at the article admiringly.

ROBERT

(with gleeful Damn!

disbelief)

INT. ROBERT’S APARTMENT - DAY Robert opens door to Chris who walks brusquely in, waving the newspaper.

CHRIS

(upset)

Did you see this? Did you see this?

ROBERT

(smiling)

The revolution will not be postponed.

CHRIS

(reading from the paper)

Two bandits, calling themselves the Cafe Liberation Army, and

wearing Halloween masks, pulled off a daring robbery of Moon

page 101 Beams in the East Village last

night. While some witnesses claim the robbery was more prank than theft, several anarchist groups in the neighborhood are

applauding the action and calling for boycotts of all chain stores in the trendy and politically volatile neighborhood. ROBERT

We’ve started a movement! CHRIS

This was not the plan! ROBERT

Aren’t you supposed to be at work?

CHRIS

I’m going to be late. ROBERT

Naomi’s not going to like that. CHRIS

Fuck Naomi. What are we going to do?

ROBERT

Do? We’re going to lead a revolution.

INT. SEBASTIAN FOSTER’S OFFICE - DAY Sebastian sits behind a large glass desk in a large, expensive office. A round carpet in front of the

desk is a New Age-looking map of the solar system. A glass case displaying several large crystals is

page 102 against one wall. A publicity poster for Sebastian’s TV show is on the wall. It shows Sebastian smiling serenely, dressed in a Buddhist robe. The caption reads: PERSONAL GROWTH STARTS HERE, NOW.

On a black leather couch some distance from the desk, sits Sebastian’s diminutive ACCOUNTANT. Sebastian leans out over his desk, glaring. SEBASTIAN

What do you mean my expense account is overdrawn?

ACCOUNTANT

This last tour wiped you out. You spend too much Sebastian. And

until we get the advance on the next book, you’re going to have to cut costs.

Impossible.

SEBASTIAN

ACCOUNTANT

These book tours bring in no

revenue. Since PBS canceled THE GALAXY WITHIN, revenue is down

and you’re still staying in the

best hotels. This office. Do you have any idea what we’re paying in rent?

SEBASTIAN

Ridiculous. My books are still on the bestseller lists.

Call Clydesdale and get a balance on my royalty account. Be

page 103 thorough about it. There must be

something still in there. If not, tell my agent to threaten them.

Have him tell them I’ll leave if they don’t come through with a

bigger advance on my next book.

I’m the only author they have who sells.

And don’t ever tell me I’m out of money again.

Yes sir.

ACCOUNTANT

INT. NAOMI’S OFFICE - DAY Naomi is hunched over her desk with a manuscript

spread in pieces before her. The pages are marked in frantic red strokes.

The door opens and Harold marches in. HAROLD

I need to speak to you. NAOMI

Can it wait, Harold? HAROLD

I just got off the phone with Sebastian’s agent. INT. CHRIS’S DESK - DAY Chris sits at his desk, as Harold and Naomi parade out of Harold’s office.

page 104 NAOMI

Sebastian’s just drunk and blowing smoke.

HAROLD

His agent says he’s still upset about the painting, as well. He sees it as a sign of our incompetence.

NAOMI

Ridiculous. They’re just grandstanding.

HAROLD

I don’t think I have to remind

you the impact it would have if

Sebastian left Clydesdale. On all of us.

NAOMI

(to Chris)

Chris, go up to accounting and

see if you can get Mabel to rush Sebastian’s next royalty check. He’s decided to cry about money all of a sudden.

CHRIS

(getting up)

I’ll go right up.

As usual, Wilbur sits in the background listening intently. This time he looks as if he’s pondering something.

page 105 INT. ACCOUNTING DEPARTMENT - DAY The accounting department is a big open space with

desks scattered throughout. There are no cubicles or dividers of any kind. Each desk has an old mainframe computer - green characters glowing against a black background. The walls are lined with filing

cabinets. The room looks like it was last remodeled sometime in the early 1960s.

Mabel, a dowdy woman in her late fifties, wearing an oversized, crumpled button up sweater, looks over

her glasses at Chris as she punches buttons on her computer.

Chris stands next to her desk, shifting his feet. CHRIS

That’s all that’s available? You can’t advance some of the money? MABEL

I’d love to, honey, but that man writes more off of his royalty account than anybody else we have.

EXT. EAST VILLAGE STREET - DAY Robert strolls down the street, whistling. He pauses in front of a shop that says ARMY SURPLUS, thinks for a moment, then goes in.

INT. ROBERT’S APARTMENT - NIGHT Robert sits at his table sewing something onto red fabric.

The couch is piled with two sets of army fatigues and two helmets.

page 106 INT. ROBERT’S APARTMENT - NIGHT Chris has just come through the door. He looks confused. Robert holds the door. CHRIS

I got your message. What did you need to show me.

ROBERT

(closing the door)

I’ve had a busy day.

He goes to a closet and pulls out a hanger with one of the sets of Army fatigues on it and a helmet.

Hanging across the shirt is a red sash. On the sash is a circle containing a Moon Beams logo. A red slash mark runs across the circle.

Robert pops the helmet on his head and holds the shirt up under his chin, modeling them. ROBERT

What do you think? CHRIS

You’re going to wear that? ROBERT

We’re going to wear it. There are two.

No.

CHRIS

ROBERT

It’ll be great. I mean I figure we can go all out on this one. Make it a real piece of art.

page 107 I’ve been trying to write sort of a surrealistic tract we can read at the next robbery. I’ll show

you what I have. You can help me fix some things.

No.

CHRIS

ROBERT

We got a mention on Howard Stern! CHRIS

You’re losing track of the goal

here. Remember jail? We are not a political movement. ROBERT

We can still go to jail, if you

want, but I think we should ride this while it lasts. We’ve

stumbles on something here and we should go with it. CHRIS

This was not the plan. ROBERT

You know, maybe that’s your

problem. You always want to plan out how things are going to be. Sometimes when I paint, I start off thinking I’m painting one

thing, but half way through it

starts to become something else. At that point I can either quit,

keep trying to force the piece to

page 108 be something it’s not, or just go with what’s started to take form. CHRIS

This is not a painting. ROBERT

But you can live your life as if it’s art. Listen to fate and

follow the path it presents you no matter how strange it seems. CHRIS

Now you sound like one of Sebastian’s books.

ROBERT

(holding costume out)

Just try it on! CHRIS

I’m not playing this game. I’m out of here.

Chris heads for the door. Robert sticks his head out after him and Chris walks down the hallway. ROBERT

Think about it! EXT. STREET - NIGHT

Chris walks street, head down, hands in pockets. As he passes Moon Beams, he looks up through the plate glass window and sees:

Two policeman at the counter interviewing the manager. Ariel stands to the side watching.

page 109 She looks up. Her eyes catch Chris’s. She smiles. He looks at his feet and walks on past. EXT. STREET - NIGHT Chris, not looking where he is going, almost bumps into a small crowd on the sidewalk.

A motley collection of young punks and neighborhood anarchists hold placards that read: DON’T MALL ME IN! BEAM THEM BACK TO THE MOON! CORPORATE AMERICA GET OUT! Chris looks around in disbelief, then shoves his hands farther into his pockets and walks quickly through the protest with his head down. INT. MOON BEAMS KITCHEN - NIGHT The Manager has Ariel cornered by the walk-in. MANAGER

You’re holding back information. Some of the customers that night said it looked like you were being friendly with those thieves.

ARIEL

They held me at knife point! Of

course I was cooperative. I’m not giving my life for this place. MANAGER

I’ve had just about enough of this.

page 110 ARIEL

You are so paranoid. I don’t have to take this. Take your damn Moon Beams apron. I quit!

She pulls her apron off and throws it at him, then storms out the back door.

The manager follows her to the door and shouts: MANAGER

You don’t quit! You’re fired! INT. BAR - NIGHT Chris is hunched over the bar, scribbling in a notebook, a shot of scotch in front of him.

Ariel enters, looking pissed off. She calls to the bartender.

ARIEL

Phil, I need a beer! Chris looks up from his notebook. Ariel sees him as the bartender brings her beer. ARIEL

Hey, Mr. Tinfoil!

Chris looks quickly back at his notebook, pretending not the hear. Ariel picks up her beer and circles down to Chris’s end of the bar. ARIEL

Where’s your friend? CHRIS

Working on an art project.

page 111 ARIEL

Artist. That figures. And you? What are you writing? CHRIS

Nothing. I mean, just stuff. I haven’t had much time to write lately.

ARIEL

You live around here? CHRIS

Yeah, down the street. ARIEL

You know, I’m having this weird deja vu thing with your voice right now. Like I’ve heard it

someplace lately. Or one like it lately.

CHRIS

It’s a pretty generic voice. ARIEL

I saw you today passing Moon

Beams. You guys haven’t been in lately have you?

CHRIS

(alarmed)

What do you mean?

ARIEL

Nothing. You guys came in that one night. Just thought maybe you’d come by again.

page 112 CHRIS

(still suspicious)

We haven’t. I mean, I’ve been busy.

ARIEL

Yeah? Well don’t go there

anymore. They canned me. I mean I quit and then they canned me. All because of that stupid robbery the other day. CHRIS

I hate to break this off. ARIEL

Just as well. It was a shitty job.

CHRIS

I really have to go. ARIEL

What a hilarious robbery though, right? Did you read about it? CHRIS

Haven’t really had time to read the papers. Listen, it was nice seeing you.

ARIEL

(bemused - holds

out her hand for a shake)

Nice to see you.

page 113 Chris takes her hand and shakes it swiftly. When he tries to detach, she holds on. Their eyes meet hers are smiling, his are panicked.

Chris blushes and smiles. He takes his hand away

slowly - their hands caress slightly as he draws it away.

ARIEL

Don’t be a stranger. I’m in the book. Ariel Greenburg.

Greenburg?

CHRIS

ARIEL

Ariel’s a nickname. My real name’s Sara.

CHRIS

Nice talking to you, Sara. INT. HAROLD’S OFFICE - NIGHT Naomi searches through a filing cabinet, then goes to the secretary’s desk and begins to flip through the message book - looking at carbons of old phone messages.

INT. CLYDESDALE PRESS - NIGHT Naomi slips out of Harold’s office, cautiously closing the door behind her.

She hear giggling and looks up. Wilbur and his girlfriend come down the hallway arm and arm, nose to nose. Naomi stiffens.

page 114 Mid-butterfly kiss, Wilbur sees Naomi. Startled he leaps away from his girlfriend. WILBUR

Naomi!

NAOMI

Wilbur.

WILBUR

(collecting himself)

I forgot some work I was going to do this weekend. I came back to get it.

NAOMI

I see. I’m sure your boss would be impressed by your diligence. WILBUR

(conspiratorially)

Any luck finding Sebastian’s painting?

NAOMI

No. Nothing. And Sebastian’s on the warpath.

WILBUR

I may be able to help you with that.

NAOMI

You know where it is? WILBUR

No, but I have a theory.

page 115 INT. CHRIS’S APARTMENT - NIGHT Chris sleeps in his underwear, sitting up on his

futon couch. The room is dark. The TV is on. The man on the infomercial demonstrates spray-on hair for bald men.

INT. CHRIS’S APARTMENT - DAWN A shadow passes in front of the TV set. Chris still asleep on the futon couch, stirs, half opening his eyes to:

A young WOMAN, apparently homeless, going through his pants, which are tossed over a nearby chair.

Chris still groggy, closes his eyes, then opens them again, wider.

He screams and leaps to his feet. The woman acts just as startled as Chris is.

They face off against each other, dancing around, screaming:

CHRIS

Who the fuck are you? Who the fuck are you?

WOMAN

Who the fuck are you? Who the fuck are you?

After a few times circling each other, the woman

darts for the door, opens it and takes off down the hall, Chris’s pants still in her hand.

Chris takes off after her. Midway down hallway he

looks down to realize he’s still in his underwear.

He stops abruptly and runs back into the apartment.

page 116 INT. CHRIS’S APARTMENT - DAWN Chris goes to the chair where his pants had been. They aren’t there. He runs to the closet and

throwing clothing off a shelving unit grabs a pair of swear pants.

He wrestles to get the sweats on, falling down as he does so.

EXT. FRONT OF BUILDING - DAWN Chris bolts out the front door, wearing the sweat pants.

He looks up and down the sidewalk for the thief. No sign of her!

Turning, he sees his pants lying in a heap, just to the side of the building’s front steps.

He leans down to pick them up and frantically turns the pockets inside out. There’s nothing in them. He kicks at the stoop.

My wallet!

CHRIS

INT. ROBERT’S APARTMENT - DAY Chris paces with a cup of coffee, while Robert lays on the couch, hands behind his head, watching. CHRIS

She must have come up the fire escape, the same way you do. ROBERT

I told you to have your security checked.

page 117 CHRIS

It was a sign.

Excuse me?

ROBERT

CHRIS

I think it was a sign. I left

here wondering what to do about

everything. Then I ran into Ariel at the bar.

ROBERT

You can into Ariel? CHRIS

I think she knows it was us.

She does.

ROBERT

CHRIS

Yeah, but it’s fine. She likes

me. I mean I think she likes me. ROBERT

This is promising. CHRIS

But then I went home, you know,

thinking about everything. And I wake up, thinking I’m dreaming, and there’s this woman in my home! Can’t you see it?

See what?

ROBERT

page 118 CHRIS

A thief shows up in my apartment out of nowhere, takes my wallet. Just as I’m trying to decide

whether or not to continue a life of crime. It’s like something’s telling me something. ROBERT

Now who sounds like Sebastian Foster?

CHRIS

I don’t want to go to jail anymore, Robert.

I think I’m in love with Ariel. ROBERT

That’s great, but we have

something to finish. You can’t back out now.

No.

CHRIS

ROBERT

We don’t have to go to jail!

Ariel was right. This is a work of art and we have to complete it! We’re having an impact! CHRIS

I’ll reimburse you for the army fatigues. Let’s just drop this thing.

page 119 ROBERT

You owe me one more chance to make my case.

So make it.

CHRIS

ROBERT

Not here. We need to go for a drive.

EXT. ROAD IN LONG ISLAND - DUSK Robert drives a beat up old car past a strip mall. Lights on the signs are starting to come on in the dusk.

INT. CAR - NIGHT Outside the car window, red sign letters with the

names of various businesses glow in the darkness, as the car passes them.

There is no sense of place - only one red sign after another.

Robert steps on the brake as they come to a stop

sign. Chris slumps in the passenger seat, staring out the window.

The light turn green. Robert steps on the gas and they roll forward past more signs. ROBERT

This is what we’re fighting against.

CHRIS

They’re stores Robert.

page 120 ROBERT

Doesn’t this freak you out? CHRIS

Looks the same as any other place.

ROBERT

That’s the point. We could be anywhere. Oklahoma City. Sacramento. Cincinnati. Birmingham.

New York is one of the few places left that has any individual

character. It’s like invasion of the body snatchers. Nothing but prefab homes and brand name stores.

CHRIS

And you’re going to bring down suburbia by robbing one Moon Beams in Manhattan? ROBERT

The results aren’t important. It’s just a chance to get a

message out. Isn’t that why you want to write?

CHRIS

I don’t know why I want to write anymore.

ROBERT

Well, I know I want to do this.

I’ll do it whether you come along or not.

page 121 CHRIS

You’re serious.

Deadly.

ROBERT

INT. MOON BEAMS - DAY The Manager pokes a button on the cash register. A NEW EMPLOYEE, a young guy, stands behind him watching.

MANAGER

Simple. The keys are all

programmed by product. Coffee items are on the left. Bakery items and sandwiches on the right.

You think you can handle it. NEW EMPLOYEE

Yeah, I think I got it. MANAGER

Last girl we had on this job was

irresponsible. Real bad attitude. I want you to be sure you do a

better job. A Moon Beams employee needs to be friendly and efficient.

NEW EMPLOYEE

You can count on me, sir. INT. MOON BEAMS - NIGHT The new employee hands a woman a cup of coffee over the counter. As she’s taking it, it slips out her hand and shatters on the floor.

page 122 The manager comes over. MANAGER

What happened?

NEW EMPLOYEE

(to woman)

I’m so sorry.

(to manager)

I’ll get something to clean it up.

He runs toward the kitchen. INT. MOON BEAMS - NIGHT Robert, in mask, fatigues, red sash, and helmet appears at the door.

He pushes the door open, holding a gun in the air. ROBERT

Everyone remain calm! The occupation army is here!

Behind him, Chris enters sheepishly, also in full costume.

ROBERT

Free yourselves from oppression! EXT. SIDEWALK - NIGHT On the sidewalk, one of the anarchist protesters

from the other night sees Robert through the window. He runs down the sidewalk, yelling. ANARCHIST

Hey, they’re back! They’re back!

page 123 INT. MOON BEAMS - NIGHT The Manager comes at Robert angrily. MANAGER

I’ve had just about enough of this shit.

ROBERT

(pointing the gun at him)

Get back! Nobody interferes with the mission.

The manager backs off a bit, then looks more closely at the gun.

MANAGER

Give me the damn gun. It’s just a toy.

Robert raises the gun above his head and fires it. Plaster falls from the ceiling and lands at the Manager’s feet.

CHRIS

What are you doing? ROBERT

Makes a lot of noise for a toy, doesn’t it?

(pointing the gun at the manager)

Now if you’ll be so kind as to open the register and give the money to my friend here.

The manager moves nervously toward the register. Chris follows him, passing Robert.

page 124 CHRIS

Where did you get a real gun? ROBERT

Michael’s got connections. EXT. SIDEWALK - NIGHT A crowd of neighborhood types gathers on the sidewalk to watch the robbery.

ANARCHIST

Moon Beams go home! CROWD

Moon Beams go home! INT. MOON BEAMS - NIGHT Chris takes a wad of cash from the Manager at the register.

CHRIS

Listen, sorry about my friend. I had no idea he had a real gun. We’ll be getting out of here soon.

MANAGER

You’re going to be real sorry about this kid.

INT. MOON BEAMS KITCHEN - NIGHT The New Employee is on the fall phone, speaking

hurriedly in a whisper, glancing toward the kitchen door.

page 125 NEW EMPLOYEE

That’s right officer. The same

Moon Beams as last week. Get here quick. They have a gun. INT. MOON BEAMS The crowd from outside bursts through the doors. Robert stands on a table in the center of the

restaurant, conducting the crowd with his gun. ROBERT

Moon Beams go home! CROWD

Moon Beams go home! Moon Beams go home!

Chris has a wad of cash in his hand. He pushes the manager back toward the center of the dining area. Through his mask his eyes look glazed. CHRIS

I don’t believe this. ROBERT

Moon Beams go home! CROWD

Moon Beams go home! The shouting reaches a crescendo. One of the

anarchists, in a frenzy, picks up a table and hurls it at the counter.

Pandemonium breaks out. Chairs are thrown. Someone pushes over one of the coffee machine.

Robert still stands on the table in the middle, overseeing the fray.

page 126 The manager runs to grab a man who is about to hurl a table. He throws the manager to the ground and hurls the table through the front window. ROBERT

Smash everything! Down with Moon beams!

CHRIS

(pulling at his arm)

We gotta get outta here! ROBERT

No fucking way! The people are speaking!

EXT. SIDEWALK - NIGHT Ariel strolls lazily along the sidewalk a few blocks from Moon Beams.

She hears sirens and looks up. EXT. STREET - NIGHT Three police cars weave through traffic toward Moon Beams.

EXT. SIDEWALK - NIGHT Ariel looks ahead and sees: Crowd gathered outside Moon Beams. Broken glass on the sidewalk.

She starts to run. INT. MOON BEAMS - NIGHT Absolute chaos. The sound of sirens.

page 127 Chris yanks Robert off the table. CHRIS

(furiously)

We have got to get out of here! Robert glares through his mask and pulls his arm free.

EXT. STREET - NIGHT Police cars pull up in front of Moon Beams. INT. MOON BEAMS - NIGHT Six cops burst through the doors, riot clubs drawn. They grab a couple of protesters and subdue them. One cop sees Robert in the crowd and pulls gun on him.

COP

You, with the gun, stop! Robert ripping himself away from Chris turns wildly toward cop, waving gun.

The gun goes off into the air. The cop takes aim. Chris dives toward Robert, tackling him just as the cop’s shot goes off.

Sprawled on the ground, Chris grabs Robert’s arm and scrambles, his head down, toward the kitchen.

The police are obstructed from Robert and Chris by the crowd.

The protesters are now fighting with the cops with the clubs.

page 128 EXT. FRONT SIDEWALK - NIGHT Ariel tries to fight through the crowd in front of Moon Beams and can’t.

She throws up her arms in frustration, then turns and runs down a side alley. INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT Chris dives through the kitchen door, followed by Robert.

CHRIS

Is this what you call saving the world?

ROBERT

So things got a little out of hand!

CHRIS

Shut up! Just shut up! I don’t want to hear it anymore.

And give me the damn gun! He grabs the gun out of Robert’s hand, then turns to see the New Employee cowering against the wall by the door.

CHRIS

(pointing the gun at the New Employee)

Don’t fuck with me! The New Employee bolts the room.

page 129 INT. MOON BEAMS - NIGHT Several policemen force their way through the crowd. INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT Chris puts his hand on the back door, Robert right behind him.

The door begins to open. Chris jumps back, tense, gun ready.

The door opens slowly. Ariel cautiously puts her head in.

Chris puts arm with gun down in relief. Ariel looks at them in disgust. ARIEL

Jesus Christ, don't you guys ever rob anyone else?

ROBERT

We were just discussing that. ARIEL

Get out of here! The front is

crawling with cops. But I think if you head out this way you

might make it past the crowd. Robert starts out the door, but Chris lingers. CHRIS

Thanks.

(to Ariel)

Ariel looks at him. Chris removes his mask and smiles at her.

page 130 ARIEL

(taking his hand)

Just get out of here. ROBERT

OK, I’m ready to go now, lover boy.

EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT Chris and Robert run down the alley, trying to shed their costumes.

INT. MOON BEAMS KITCHEN - NIGHT Cops burst into the kitchen. Ariel again sits in a corner weeping. It’s the same cop who found her the last time. ARIEL

I came in to get my pay check. It was them again!

COP 1

Which way did they go this time! ARIEL

I’m not sure. I was so surprised. COP 1

(to Cop 2)

You go left, I’ll go right. The cops dash out the door. EXT. STREET - NIGHT Chris and Robert stripped down to fatigue pants and T-shirts run around a corner.

page 131 Robert stops Chris and pulls him over against a wall.

ROBERT

Hold up. I think we lost them. CHRIS

What was that back there! ROBERT

We were committing a crime. You

wanted to be a criminal. We were criminals!

CHRIS

You wanted to be a criminal! ROBERT

I did it for you! You needed this!

CHRIS

I needed this? I needed this? I can’t believe you! I’m going to have time to write WAR AND PEACE

by the time they’re done with us. Why did you have to bring a gun? ROBERT

The newspaper said I had a toy gun. I wanted to be taken seriously.

CHRIS

Oh I think you were taken seriously.

Chris begins to walk away. Robert follows him.

page 132 CHRIS

Don’t follow me, Robert! We’re done!

ROBERT

You’re overreacting! CHRIS

No. I’ve been under reacting! Stay away from me!

Chris marches off into the night. Robert shrugs and heads in the opposite direction. INT. BAR - NIGHT Chris sits at the bar, drinking a scotch. He wears a new set of clothes.

An old guy in a Yankees cap and long coat sits next to him. The old guy takes out a cigarette. Chris

watches him light it, then leans over to him. Chris has obviously had more than one drink. CHRIS

Can I bother you for a cigarette? OLD GUY

Can’t afford your own? CHRIS

I’ve been trying to quit. OLD GUY

You’ll die whether you smoke ‘em or not.

(hands him a cigarette)

You look like shit, kid.

page 133 CHRIS

I’ve had a bad day. OLD GUY

You’re young. You don’t know what a bad day is.

CHRIS

(finishes off his whiskey and waves to the bartender)

It’s just I make all the wrong

decisions. My life’s not turning out the way I planned it. OLD GUY

Want my advice, quit moping.

You’re young. Have a good time. Sleep with some pretty women while you can. Nobody’s life

turns out the way they expect it. CHRIS

Yeah, but didn’t you ever have some dreams?

OLD GUY

Dreams are horseshit, son. INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE CHRIS’S APARTMENT - NIGHT Chris stumbles down hallway and fumbles with his key at his door.

INT. CHRIS’S APARTMENT - NIGHT As Chris opens his door, he’s faced with two

policemen, standing with the lights on. One holds the painting of Sebastian.

page 134 CHRIS

What’s going on? COP

You’re under arrest. INT. NAOMI’S OFFICE - DAY Naomi sits at her desk, working furiously on a manuscript.

A knock at the door. Harold enters. Naomi looks up from her work and beams. NAOMI

Harold, darling!

HAROLD

You wanted to see me? NAOMI

Fantastic news! We’ve found the painting!

HAROLD

You found it?

NAOMI

It seems my little assistant

wasn’t as trustworthy or meek as we assumed him to be. It was in his apartment.

HAROLD

That boy stole Sebastian’s portrait?

NAOMI

Yes, isn’t marvelous? I mean,

marvelous that we’ve found it.

page 135 I’ll get it right out to Sebastian.

HAROLD

That’s wonderful, Naomi. But we have something more serious to discuss. I don’t know the

painting is going to placate Sebastian at this point. NAOMI

What do you mean?

HAROLD

When we told Sebastian his

royalty account was dry, he had

his accountant take a closer look at things.

And?

NAOMI

HAROLD

And it seems there’s quite a bit of money missing from his

account. We’ve started looking at the records. There are quite a few phantom write-offs against his account.

NAOMI

Impossible. Show me the records. Harold nods in acquiescence and makes a gesture toward the door.

EXT. ROBERT’S STOOP - DAY Robert sits on his stoop, smoking.

page 136 INT. JAIL - DAY Chris sits dejectedly on the floor of a holding cell. He looks like he hasn’t slept or shaved.

Several scary looking men share the cell with him, plus one YOUNG GAUNT GUY with long stringy hair. The young guy comes up to Chris. YOUNG GUY

What you in for, man. CHRIS

I’m not in the mood to talk about it.

YOUNG GUY

Probably a set up, right? I’m

telling you, these guys are all corrupt.

You know what they got me for? Pot. Can you believe it, man?

Fucking marijuana. I walked right into a sweep.

CHRIS

What’s a sweep?

YOUNG GUY

Every once in a while they like to pretend they’re doing

something about drugs. So they send the whole fucking police

force out to neighborhoods they know are big dealing areas and they just round everybody up.

page 137 If you don’t have anything on

you, they just give you a summons for vagrancy. Make some income,

you know? But if you got some pot on you, or worse, you’re screwed. CHRIS

So you’re screwed. YOUNG GUY

It’s just a control thing,

anyway. They know the dope heads are the free thinkers. A threat to their authority.

Huh.

CHRIS

YOUNG GUY

You want a cigarette, man? CHRIS

You have cigarettes? YOUNG GUY

Yeah, I managed to smuggle ‘em

in. Last couple of times I ended up in here they came in handy. Make you real popular with the other inmates.

I bet.

CHRIS

As he takes one from the kid, he looks up and sees a couple of the scary guys staring at him. He takes it out of his mouth, smiles nervously, and hold it out as an offering.

page 138 INT. CELL - DAY Chris sleeps. A cop walks down the corridor, comes up to the cell and rattles the bars.

Carpenter?

COP

CHRIS

Huh?

(waking)

COP

You get a phone call, kid. INT. CORRIDOR - DAY The cop escorts Chris toward a phone at the end of the hallway.

COP

They won’t be officially charging you for a few days. You can

either get someone to pay bail or wait till the charges are filed and get out on your own

reconnaissance. If it’s a

misdemeanor. We might have to hold ya longer if they decide it’s a felony.

CHRIS

For taking a bad painting? COP

Expensive painting.

page 139 Make your phone call. I’ll be back in five minutes.

The cop walks out of the room, locking the door behind him.

EXT. FRONT OF ROBERT’S APARTMENT - DAY Robert puts his cigarette out on the stoop, gets up and starts walking down the street. INT. ROBERT’S APARTMENT - DAY The phone rings. EXT. SIDEWALK - DAY Robert walks lazily down the street, staring at his feet. He looks for a moment and sees:

Ariel coming slowly from the opposite direction, looking as if she’s daydreaming.

Robert pulls his sweatshirt hood up over his head, looks down, and begins to walk more quickly. He passes Ariel, seemingly unnoticed. She stops and turns just past him. ARIEL

If you see your friend, tell him

I’m working at Joe’s Bar now. And don’t come try to rob that. I can’t afford to lose any more jobs.

INT. ROBERT’S APARTMENT - DAY The phone stops ringing and the answering machine picks up.

page 140 ROBERT’S VOICE

OK, you found me. Now you have thirty seconds. Beep.

CHRIS’S VOICE

Robert, I’m in jail. They’re accusing me of stealing a

painting. Listen, I need... Answering machine cuts off. INT. HAROLD’S OFFICE - DAY Harold sits at the head of a small conference table that is spread with vouchers, presumably from the open file that lies next to them.

Naomi sits next to him, scrutinizing one of the pieces of paper.

HAROLD

Naomi, this is outrageous. Money has been siphoned out of his

account for months. You better

have a good explanation for this. NAOMI

I’m as shocked as you are. That boy must be deeply troubled. HAROLD

What do you mean the boy? NAOMI

Isn’t it obvious? He’s a

kleptomaniac or worse an outright thief. First the painting and now this. I recognize some of the

names these are made out to, but I bet most of them are out and

page 141 out fakes. Who knows how many bank accounts he had open? (shaking her head in disbelief)

And he was always complaining about money.

HAROLD

Some of these are in your handwriting.

NAOMI

Oh Harold. That’s my fault. His

first week on the job I made him learn to forge my writing. I’m out of the office so much, you

know. It was just easier. He must have thought he’d be less likely to get caught.

HAROLD

I can’t believe it. NAOMI

Believe it. The painting is our proof.

INT. CLYDESDALE PRESS ART ROOM - DAY Three staff members - two women and a man - sit

working over drawing tables. There’s one computer with a large color screen. Robert pops in. WOMAN 1

Hey, Robert. I didn’t know you

were coming in today. You working on something for us?

page 142 ROBERT

Nah. Just bored and thought I’d drop in. You guys seen Chris

today? I walked past his desk and didn’t see him.

MAN

You didn’t hear?

Hear what?

ROBERT

MAN

You aren’t going to have to worry about being commissioned to do a

replacement for Sebastian Foster. WOMAN 2

Christ, Jerry, it’s not funny.

What?

ROBERT

WOMAN 2

They found the painting. It was in Chris’s apartment. MAN

Can you believe it? WOMAN 2

(to man)

They’re friends. ROBERT

No, I don’t believe it. Robert turns quickly to leave.

page 143 INT. HALLWAY - DAY Robert rounds corner in time to see Naomi and Harold coming out of Harold’s office. He duck behind a filing cabinet, within listening distance. HAROLD

If these charges prove to be true, that boy’s in serious trouble. I was ready to be

lenient about the painting. A

prank. But we’re talking about thousands of dollars here. Embezzlement.

NAOMI

I take full responsibility. I

hired him. I’m just in shock. I pride myself on being able to read people.

HAROLD

I’ll call the police immediately and inform them of the new charges.

I wonder what he had against Sebastian.

They turn into Harold’s office. Robert ducks out

from behind the filing cabinet and hurries toward the elevator.

INT. POLICE STATION - DAY Robert stands in a waiting area at the Precinct House, talking to a cop through a window. ROBERT

How much to get him out?

page 144 COP

If you had made it here an hour

ago - five hundred. But his price just went up. They added some charges.

How much?

ROBERT

COP

Bail’s set at a couple of

thousand. They were going to let him out in a couple of days, but with the new charges they’re

probably going to move him to Rykers till his trial. ROBERT

Rykers Island? He hasn’t been found guilty of anything. COP

(shrugs)

That’s where they go if they can’t come up with bail. EXT. JOE’S BAR - NIGHT From the outside, Joe’s Bar is an East Village dive

- paint peeling off the sign, loud music coming from within.

INT. JOE’S BAR - NIGHT Ariel stands behind the bar, wiping up with a rag. The bar is empty.

Robert appears in the door. Ariel looks up and sees him. Robert approaches the bar.

page 145 ARIEL

Here comes trouble. ROBERT

We need to talk.

ARIEL

So talk. You aren’t armed tonight are you?

ROBERT

Can you leave that? ARIEL

You know, the first one was

funny. But I don’t dig guns, man. ROBERT

The gun was a mistake. I didn’t

think things would get so out of hand. I just wanted people to take us seriously. ARIEL

I’d say they took us seriously. The cops have been to interview me twice.

ROBERT

What did you tell them? ARIEL

Nothing. What do I know? Two guys in masks and army fatigues

decided to rob a Moon Beams. I can’t know anything more. My

ex-manager already thinks I was involved.

page 146 You are two of the stupidest guys I’ve ever met.

ROBERT

I need your help.

ARIEL

I bet you do. If you’re trying to run to Bolivia or something,

you’re out of luck - my source for forged passports dried up. ROBERT

This is serious.

ARIEL

Where’s Tin Man?

ROBERT

That’s what I came about. He’s in jail.

ARIEL

For Moon Beams?

ROBERT

No. Something else. ARIEL

Jesus Christ, how much have you guys done? Are you that bored? ROBERT

It’s a long story. But he’s being set up for something he didn’t do and I have to get him out. I need bail money. A couple thousand dollars.

page 147 ARIEL

You’re the thief. Why come to me for money? In case you haven’t

noticed I’m not getting a lot of tips tonight.

ROBERT

I don’t need money from you.

You’re just the only one I can trust. You already know almost everything.

ARIEL

More than I want.

ROBERT

Chris and I had a fight after the robbery. We never divided up the money and I think he hid it in his apartment.

There should be almost enough there to cover the bail, plus what I have in savings. ARIEL

And you need me to...? ROBERT

I’m kind of an expert at breaking into Chris’s apartment. I just need someone to stand guard

outside the building. There’s a

pay phone across the street. You can stand there. If you see cops coming, all you have to do is

call Chris’s phone, let it ring

page 148 three times and hang up. Then

I’ll know to get out of there. ARIEL

And I should do this because...? ROBERT

Because Chris is a great guy and, if he goes to jail, you’ll never date him.

EXT. STREET OUTSIDE CHRIS’S APARTMENT - NIGHT Ariel stands nervously at a phone booth, looking

across the street at Chris’s apartment building. The apartment building is dark.

Out of the dark, a guy in a leather jacket appears. GUY

I need to use the phone. ARIEL

Sorry, I’m expecting an important call.

GUY

C’mon, get out of the way. I need to use the phone.

Ariel stands in the way, not budging. The guy looks angry, as if he might do something. A voice comes from behind him:

ROBERT

Can I help you with something? Robert has just come from up the street. Ariel looks at him, relieved. She steps out of the way.

page 149 ARIEL

There’s my call.

(to Robert)

Everything go OK?

ROBERT

Just fine. I think little Johnny’s going to live. INT. JAIL - DAWN Chris is in a regular cell. He lies on the top bunk, staring at the ceiling. A huge man sleeps on the bottom bunk, snoring loudly. A cop appears at the bars. COP

Looks like it’s your lucky day, kid. Somebody found some money for you.

INT. POLICE STATION - DAY Escorted by a police officer, Chris exits the jail into the station waiting room.

Robert, who is sitting in a chair, stands abruptly all smiles. He holds out his hand. Chris looks surprised to see him.

CHRIS

How did you get the money? ROBERT

I had some help.

Ariel comes out of the bathroom. Chris is dumfounded to see her.

page 150 CHRIS

You?

ARIEL

Let’s not get sappy. I just

wanted to see Butch and Sundance reunited again.

ROBERT

She’s really very funny. ARIEL

(grimacing at Robert, then

addressing Chris)

I just wanted to see if you are OK. Looks like you are.

I imagine you boys have a lot of catching up to do, and I could use some sleep.

She backs out of the room, giving Chris a wave as she exits.

INT. POLICE STATION - DAY Chris stands at booth, picking up his personal items from the officer there. Robert stands next to him. ROBERT

You know I should have left you in here to rot.

CHRIS

But that wouldn’t have been any fun for you.

page 151 ROBERT

(shrugs)

No, you’re right. Want to get something to eat?

INT. POLISH RESTAURANT - NIGHT Chris devours a hamburger ravenously. Robert picks thoughtfully at an order of perogi. He looks up at Chris, who has food coming out of his mouth. ROBERT

So it’s true what they say about jail food.

CHRIS

Let me enjoy my meal, without thinking about it.

ROBERT

We have to think about it. Unless you’ve changed your mind again and you want to be in jail. CHRIS

I don’t want to hear any plans.

I’ve had enough plans. You bailed me out. Thank you. But I wouldn’t have been there if it hadn’t been for you. So no more plans. ROBERT

That woman is going to nail you to the wall.

CHRIS

I’m innocent. I’ll get a lawyer.

page 152 ROBERT

Can you afford a good one? Even if you can it won’t matter.

They’ll stick you in Rykers until the trial - and the courts are really backed up these days.

You’ll be getting that writing time after all.

Ariel will probably be married by the time you get out. CHRIS

If I let you tell me what you

have in mind will you shut up.

Sure.

OK.

ROBERT

CHRIS

ROBERT

Naomi’s probably been at this a while, right?

I guess so.

CHRIS

ROBERT

And she’s been using Foster’s account to fund other book projects?

CHRIS

It would appear.

page 153 ROBERT

And she’s been corresponding with these freelancers she’s hired, promising them money.

Yeah.

CHRIS

ROBERT

Does she keep files?

Sure.

CHRIS

ROBERT

So, theoretically, if someone

were to break into her office and go through the filing cabinet, that someone might be able to find evidence that would incriminate her.

No.

CHRIS

ROBERT

What do you mean, NO? CHRIS

I won’t do it. We get caught,

it’ll just look worse. I’m in bad enough shape as it is. ROBERT

This is your only chance. If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for Ariel.

CHRIS

Don’t you mean do it for you?

page 154 ROBERT

Well, yeah, sure. That too. EXT. SIDEWALK OUTSIDE CLYDESDALE PRESS - NIGHT Robert comes around the side of the building and looks in the front door.

There’s a new security guard and he’s wide awake. Robert darts back to the corner, where Chris waits in the shadows.

ROBERT

New guard. I’ll have to create a diversion.

CHRIS

This is idiotic. Just let me go to jail.

ROBERT

Sorry, that’s no longer the plan. Go across the street and watch

through the door. Go in when it’s clear.

EXT. FRONT DOOR - NIGHT Robert uses Chris’s key card the open the door. INT. FOYER OF CLYDESDALE - NIGHT Robert nods and smiles to the guard. ROBERT

You new? What happened to Jack? SECURITY

They caught him sleeping on the job.

page 155 ROBERT

Too bad. I liked Jack. He used to let me check the scores on his

radio. You still got it? I think the Rangers are playing tonight. SECURITY GUARD

Yeah, sure, come on back. INT. FOYER OF CLYDESDALE - NIGHT The foyer is now empty.

Chris slides quickly through the door and makes for the stairwell.

INT. GUARD’S ROOM - NIGHT Guard tuning in radio. There’s a sports talk show going on.

GUARD

You sure there was a game. I

didn’t think they played till tomorrow night.

ROBERT

I was positive. Maybe it starts late.

GUARD

Nah. They’re on the East Coast this week.

ROBERT

That’s the right station? GUARD

They’re always on WFAN.

page 156 ROBERT

You got a paper that I can check? GUARD

(points to it lying on the chair)

Yeah, have a look.

ROBERT

(picks up the paper and begins to flip through it)

You’re right. Tomorrow night. The Islanders. I could have sworn it was tonight.

Oh well. Good news for me. I

won’t be working tomorrow. I can stay home and watch. GUARD

They don’t really have it this year, do they?

ROBERT

They’ll turn it around.

(moving back toward

Thanks!

the foyer)

GUARD

Don’t mention it. INT. FOYER - NIGHT

Robert nonchalantly punches up button on the elevator, while guard watches.

page 157 INT. 2ND FLOOR - NIGHT Elevator doors open and Robert comes out. He goes to door to stairs and knocks. Chris opens it. Robert goes in.

INT. STAIRWAY - NIGHT Robert and Chris walk cautiously up the stairs. CHRIS

(whispering

sarcastically)

Hope you brought your gun! ROBERT

Only to protect myself from you. INT. CHRIS’S OFFICE - NIGHT Robert opens door slowly and looks out. A light is on down the hall.

Robert hold out his arm to keep Chris behind him on the stairwell.

As they watch, Naomi skips out of her office, whistling. She dances down the hallway. ROBERT

Somebody’s in a good mood. CHRIS

We should wait until she’s gone. ROBERT

No. This is a break. Her office door is open. We won’t have to pick the lock.

page 158 CHRIS

We’ll never make it. ROBERT

You know what you’re looking for. We’ll be in and out in a minute!

Without waiting for a response, Robert makes a dash for Naomi’s office. Chris watches helplessly, then dashes after him.

INT. NAOMI’S OFFICE - NIGHT Chris runs his hand hurriedly through the drawer of the filing cabinet. He grabs a couple of folders, shoves them under his arm, and keeps looking.

Robert stands watching the hallway through the door which is partially closed. INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT Naomi whistles as she makes her way back to her office.

INT. NAOMI’S OFFICE - NIGHT Robert motions frantically to Chris. Chris slams the file drawer and drops the folders he’s taken.

Frantically he picks them up. He and Robert dance around each other looking for places to hide. INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT Naomi puts her hand on her office door, then cocks her head as if she hears something. She turns to look behind her, then shrugs and opens the door.

page 159 INT. NAOMI’S OFFICE - NIGHT Naomi rummages through some piles on her desk,

looking for papers. The office appears empty. No sign of the boys.

Naomi finds what she’s looking for and packs her briefcase, whistling again.

She turns to glance around the office. Then sighs and flips off the light.

She exits, closing the door behind her. Chris, who was standing behind the door, heaves a silent sigh of relief. INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT Naomi walks down the hallway toward the elevator. INT. NAOMI’S OFFICE - NIGHT Chris runs to the window and opens it. Robert swings his body back inside from the ledge. Chris looks at him with panic and disbelief. Robert smiles. ROBERT

Nice view from up here. CHRIS

Does everything have to be dramatic with you?

ROBERT

(ignoring him)

Do you have the letters.

page 160 CHRIS

(holding out a small stack of folders)

I think this should be enough. INT. CHRIS’S DESK - NIGHT Robert leans over the desk writing a note. Chris grabs a large envelope from a shelf and begins to put the letters into it.

Robert hands him the finished note, with a flourish. Chris regards it skeptically, then pops it in the envelope.

CHRIS

Very restrained for you. ROBERT

Literature is not my art. INT. OUTSIDE HAROLD’S OFFICE - NIGHT Chris crouches by Harold’s door and stuffs the

envelope underneath. He looks up at Robert, who

stands flush against the opposite wall, watching the hallway.

Chris gives Robert the thumbs up. Robert starts to move, but:

They hear the ding of the elevator. Chris freezes, terrified. Robert presses back

against the wall, and waves Chris over to a nearby filing cabinet.

page 161 INT. ELEVATOR BANK - NIGHT Naomi, apparently having forgotten something, exits the elevator and strolls toward Harold’s office. INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT Robert runs in a crouch to where Chris sits balled

up behind the cabinet. Robert scrunches beside him. To their amazement, they watch as: Naomi goes to Harold offices and tries the doorknob. Finding it locked, she calmly reaches into her purse and withdraws a bobby pin. She inserts it carefully in the door and begins to manipulate the lock. Another ding echoes through the hallway! INT. ELEVATOR BANK - NIGHT Harold and a YOUNGER WOMEN, both in formal attire, come stumbling out of the elevator, draped around each other, apparently drunk. The woman giggles. INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT Naomi turns quickly and runs back to her office. She fumbles with the door and manages to get in, just as:

Harold and the woman round the corner, kissing. INT. BEHIND FILING CABINET - NIGHT Robert peeks out from behind the cabinet and

grimaces at the sight of Harold and the woman. ROBERT

(to Chris)

Here we go again.

page 162 INT. HAROLD’S OFFICE - NIGHT Harold enters the darkened office and flips on the light. The woman nibbles at his neck.

Oh Harold.

WOMAN

HAROLD

I’m right here, baby. INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT Robert leaps from behind the filing cabinet and

makes a dash down the hallway toward the elevator. The doors have remained open! Chris stumbles after him.

Robert and Chris tumble into the elevator. Chris

hits the two button. Nothing happens. Robert punches the close door button. Still nothing. Chris pushes him out of the way and hits the button repeatedly.

Perfect!

Shush!

CHRIS

ROBERT

Robert pushes Chris to the side. Both hide against the sides of the elevator.

INT. HAROLD’S OFFICE - NIGHT As Harold and Mistress kiss sloppily and fumble with their clothes, she drops her purse, which dumps its contents.

My purse!

WOMAN

page 163 HAROLD

Sorry, honey, let me get that. He leans down and begins to drunkenly pick up the

contents. The woman comes over his back and kisses his neck.

INT. ELEVATOR - NIGHT Chris give the close door button a swift punch. Nothing happens.

INT. HAROLD’S OFFICE - NIGHT Still on his knees with the woman on his back, Harold spots the envelope on the floor and instinctively picks it up.

In bold red marker, the front of the envelope reads: IMPORTANT INFORMATION - OPEN IMMEDIATELY.

Harold pushes the woman off his neck and sits up on the floor.

HAROLD

Hold on a minute, honey. INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT Naomi pokes her head out her office door. She sees that Harold’s door is closed and that a light is

coming from beneath it. She slips out of her office and into the hallway.

Naomi tiptoes toward the elevator. INT. ELEVATOR - NIGHT From his position on the wall, Robert whispers hoarsely.

page 164 ROBERT

Let’s make a run for the stairs. CHRIS

(turning his head to look down the hallway)

I think someone’s coming! INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT Naomi rounds the final turn toward the elevator bank. She sees the open doors.

They close, just as she’s reaching them. She hits the down button, but nothing happens. NAOMI

Shit!

INT. HAROLD’S OFFICE - NIGHT Harold kneels, reading one of the letters, while the woman languishes on the couch, looking bored. HAROLD

Was that the elevator? INT. ELEVATOR - NIGHT Chris collapses on the floor, half laughing, half sobbing. Robert leans against the wall, also laughing.

CHRIS

That was too close. ROBERT

(laughing)

That was too perfect.

page 165 INT. ELEVATOR BANK - NIGHT Naomi stuck at the elevator bank turns to see Harold coming down the hallway toward her. His hair is a mess, his tie loose, lipstick on his shirt. NAOMI

Harold!

HAROLD

Naomi!

From behind Harold, the woman comes stumbling down

the hallway, trying to get her high heeled shoe back on.

WOMAN

Honey, what’s going on? NAOMI

Harold!

INT. ROBERT’S APARTMENT - NIGHT Robert leans back on the couch and toasts with a can of beer. Chris reclines at the opposite end, also with a beer in his hand.

To victory!

Victory!

ROBERT

CHRIS

(taking a sip of beer)

That was stupid, but it was worth it.

page 166 ROBERT

See? You’re learning to do things my way.

CHRIS

No. I’m never doing things your way again.

Or anybody else’s way again. I’m going to do things my way from now on.

ROBERT

(singing)

He did things his way!

(takes a drink)

Not as much fun as doing things my way, but I’ll drink to that. CHRIS

Look, Robert, I’m sorry.

About what?

ROBERT

CHRIS

For being so pissed. ROBERT

Is this where I’m supposed to apologize for the gun?

Well...

CHRIS

ROBERT

OK. I’m sorry for the gun. But

I’m not sorry about Moon Beams.

page 167 CHRIS

You were right about me, you know.

ROBERT

I know, but tell me. CHRIS

I need to make up my mind. Just

do something. Quit living my life as though I’m only half in it. ROBERT

Sound philosophy. Hope we can

keep you out of jail so you can implement it.

INT. CHRIS’S APARTMENT - DAWN A pile of covers over a lump in the folded down futon frame.

The phone rings shrilly. A hand emerges from the mountain of blankets and gropes for the phone.

Chris pokes his head out of the covers and brings the receiver to his ear.

CHRIS

(groggily)

Hello? Who?

I guess. No. I’ll be right down. INT. HAROLD’S OFFICE - DAY Harold sits behind his desk with his hands folded. Naomi stands to the side of him. Chris sits

uncomfortably on the couch in front of them.

page 168 HAROLD

We wanted to tell you ourselves. We’ve decided to drop the charges.

You what?

CHRIS

HAROLD

Stealing the painting was a

stupid prank, but hardly worth

prosecuting. It’s back. Sebastian received it yesterday. NAOMI

And on the embezzlement, it appears we made a horrible

mistake. I jumped to conclusions. HAROLD

With all the excitement about the painting, we seem to have leapt to assumption that the missing

money was a result of foul play. (exchanging glances with Naomi)

Turns out it was just an

accounting error. The money’s

been found and returned to the account, hasn’t it Naomi? NAOMI

Accounting put the money back in this morning. Everything’s

forgotten. Isn’t it Harold?

page 169 HAROLD

Yes, everything. I hope you’ve learned a lesson, young man. INT. HALLWAY - DAY Chris walks quickly out of Harold’s office, making a bee-line for the elevators. Naomi rushes out after him. NAOMI

Chris! I want to talk to you. CHRIS

(turning)

What is it, Naomi? NAOMI

I want you to have your job back.

What?

CHRIS

NAOMI

Darling, you know I can’t survive without you. The Winter list is

coming out and I can’t afford the time running around looking for a new assistant.

Say you’ll do it! Everything’s

forgotten all the way around. I

think I can even get you a raise!

No.

What?

CHRIS

NAOMI

page 170 CHRIS

I’m through with this place. Chris turns wearily and begins to walk away. Naomi comes after him, angrily.

NAOMI

I showed you mercy, you little schmuck! You’ll never work in this industry again! CHRIS

Good-bye, Naomi. EXT. STREET - DAY

Chris and Robert stroll down a sunny street in the East Village.

ROBERT

(spreading his arms)

The sun is out. Your future is ahead of you.

CHRIS

No money. No prospects. Glorious. ROBERT

Too bad we didn’t get caught for that last robbery. Jail would

have been a bitch, but think of

the memoir we could have written. I’ll bet we could have done Oprah!

CHRIS

Oprah would probably be dead by the time we got out.

page 171 Where do you want to go? ROBERT

I have an idea.

EXT. STREET OUTSIDE MOON BEAMS - DAY A new window has been put in. A work crew works inside, remodeling.

Chris and Robert stop to watch from the opposite

side of the street. Robert leans against a building and lights a cigarette.

ROBERT

They’re stronger than us. CHRIS

Does this mean you’ve given up the crusade?

ROBERT

(shrugging)

It would be tough to top my last

performance. I’m thinking my Moon Beams period may be over. I might do something with clay and feathers next.

Nice.

CHRIS

From across the street, a figure in a leather coat

moves toward them, barely visible in the sun. Chris squints.

Ariel emerges from the glare.

page 172 ARIEL

You know they always say

criminals return to the scene of the crime, but I never believed them.

ROBERT

I have no idea what you’re talking about.

CHRIS

I hear you’re working at Joe’s

Bar now. Wouldn’t happen to have any open positions? ARIEL

Why? You know someone who’s looking for work?

Could be.

CHRIS

ARIEL

They come with good references? CHRIS

(looking at Robert)

Only the best.

ARIEL

I’ll see what I can do. What you guys up to?

ROBERT

Actually, I was just thinking

about how much I need to get home to do some painting. But Chris here is free I think.

page 173 ARIEL

Yeah?

CHRIS

You wanna go get a cup of coffee or something?

ARIEL

(smiles)

Yeah, sure. EXT. STREET - DAY

From a distance we see Ariel and Chris walking

slowly down the street together, bumping elbows. Robert stands in front of the wreckage of Moon Beams shaking his head and smiling. THE END.