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Christian Conflict Resolution: Some Guidelines (Acts 15:1-2, 6-15a, 19-20) Disagreements are: Inevitable because we are all human, and as a result, we all have incomplete/limited knowledge and understanding (unlike God) (1Cor. 2:9) because we have differences because we are called to care and truly caring people often develop deep feelings and emotions, which, when challenged, evoke passionate responses. Only the apathetic are immune from conflict! Potentially Dangerous “In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” (Eph. 4:26-27, see also Rom. 16:17-18) We can deal with disagreements by: Attempting to “read between the lines” (James 4:1) Look for the motivations and real meanings behind positions taken and honestly examine them (Acts 15:10) What was this dispute in Acts 15 really about? A surgical procedure? Or something more? Other scriptures on the circumcision question (Rom. 3:29-30, 4:9-12, Gal. 2:21, 3:1-3, 5:2-6, 11-12, 6:12-13, Phil. 3:2, Col. 2:11, 3:11) Legalism is the human attempt to gain salvation or prove our spirituality by outward conformity to a list of religious does and don’ts. Nothing can be added to salvation by grace and it still be grace. Carefully choosing our battles As Saint Francis of Assisi prayed, “Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference!" Be willing to surrender sometimes (1 Cor. 13:5, Rom. 12:18, Eph 5:21) Praying (Acts 2:42, Rom. 3:12, Phil. 4:6, Col. 4:2, James 5:13) Ask for the guidance and the peace of the Holy Spirit (1Cor. 2:10b-13) Letting all views be aired (Acts 15:7)

Be silent and listen (Acts 15:12, James 1:19-20) Choosing proven, Spirit-filled leaders/representatives (Acts 6:3, 15:2, 1 Tim 3:2-12) Value the wisdom of elders (Acts 15:6, 1 Pe. 5:5) Consulting together (Acts 15:2 & 6) Focusing on God’s direction, i.e. on what He has already said & done (Acts 15:7-9, 14-18) Where can we find this? Too often we give too much weight and value to our opinions (1 Cor. 2:18-20, 13:5, Gal. 6:34) Hold to Spiritual truths (Acts 15:11, 2 Cor. 13:8) Addressing each other with respect and sincere affection (Acts 15:13, Rom. 12:10) Speaking to each other in a manner that upbuilds instead of tearing down (Eph. 4:29-32, James 3:5-12, 4:11, 1 Pe. 2:1) Not unnecessarily burdening one another (Acts 15:19, Rom. 14:2-3, 22) Demonstrating the gifts of the Spirit "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." (Gal. 5:22-23, see also 2 Tim. 2:24, 1 Cor. 13:4-7, Col. 3:12-15, James 3:17-18) Cliff Barrows is the man who used to sing for most of Billy Graham’s big evangelist conferences. He would sing songs like, “His Eye is on the Sparrow,” and often, lead the congregation in “Just As I Am.” Cliff said one time, “There are twelve words that hold a family together....” In fact, we could say, these twelve words will hold a marriage together, a family together, a church together and most other relationships together. These twelve words are: I WAS WRONG. I AM SORRY. PLEASE FORGIVE ME. I LOVE YOU.

FIVE ORIENTATIONS TO RESOLVING CONFLICTS Puppy Dog - This person is willing to go along to get along with others. He or she is mainly interested in maintaining relationships at just about any cost. By learning how to accommodate others puppy dogs are willing to welcome everyone regardless of their perspective. This person generally lacks the assertiveness to press for their own interests for fear they may feel alienated and disliked.

Wise Owl - This person tries to maximize both their relationships and tasks. They say, "Let us work together for the common good." They are able to help everybody get a little of what they really want. This individual cares about people’s feelings, but also wants to see progress in the accomplishing of goals. They are not shy about defending what they believe. Yet, this person communicates in a friendly way that shows a concern for what is best for people and projects. Overall they know when to agree to disagree for the greater good. Chameleon - This individual is a keen negotiator but prefers to compromise to give both sides a feeling that they have won something. Flexibility is a key attribute of this person as they are able to adapt to just about any situation, idea, or group. This person will try to speak to a variety of needs with the aim of giving each person a little bit of what they are after. Situational in their outlook, they are often unsure of themselves when they have not gotten a chance to intuitively and empirically get a sense where people are at on various issues. Fox - This person has brought negotiating to a higher level. The people in this category have refined the art and science of using politics in their area of responsibility. Their highly refined negotiating skills are used to help mediate conflicts with others. By serving as arbitrators, these individuals are even able to bring groups together to find some kind of common ground through dialogue. This kind of person is able to be adaptable without giving away the essential principles of what are non-negotiable values. Turtle - This individual tries to hide from most conflicts. They are mainly concerned about not making any mistakes. Fearful of offending anyone they are loath to speak in public. Adverse to risk, these individuals seldom try anything new for fear of being accused of being different. This passive and non-assertive approach to life often leads to an apathetic lifestyle that just tries to get by. It is important for this person tries to avoid anything that is negative. By using an avoidance attitude toward problems, they choose to withdraw when any conflict seems to be heating up. Underneath, this person suffers from a high degree of frustration and resentment in feeling powerless to change much of anything. This person tends to believe that people are lazy and selfish by nature and not much can be done about it except to mind one’s own business. Lion - This individual is very concerned about getting the job done even if one has to step on a few toes. This person is very motivated to accomplish the tasks set before them as their self-worth is wrapped up in their work. Pressuring people to get the work done is considered by this person to be just a part of their responsibilities. Very goal-oriented, they often see people as objects that must be used in order to get the task accomplished. Authoritative by nature, this person is not shy about hurting other’s feelings if that is what it takes to get the job done. In many cases this person is even willing to intimidate, manipulate or coerce people in order to reach their own goals. It is almost as if this person’s motto is, "The end justifies the means."