Satori Tango

Satori tango --charles webb

Copyright © 2005 Charles Webb All Rights Reserved Charles Webb 350 Bay St. Ste. 100-356 San Francisco, CA 94133 415/956-1844 [email protected] www.satoritango.blogspot.com WGAw Reg. No. 1084077 Illustrations on p. 3, 13, 62, 76, 103, 120 Courtesy of Donald Greenwood Limited Edition

Satori tango 1. The bait is the means to get the fish where you want it, catch the fish and you forget the bait. The snare is the means to get the rabbit where you want it, catch the rabbit and you forget the snare. Words are the means to get the idea where you want it, catch on to the idea and you forget about the words. Where shall I find a man who forgets about words, and have a word with him? CHUANG TZU The whole thing started with an email from Crysta Bella "Benny has disappeared - stood me up again. Check this out". The web address took me to a blog, apparently owned by Benny Pristine, an old friend of mine and sometimes lover of

Satori tango

Crysta Bella. Benny having a blog was odd enough. What he had written was even stranger. Crysta Bella wanted me to help her find him. Blog of Benny Pristine I have been a private investigator on the west coast for many years. Before that I worked for the government over seas. I have recently been hired by one of the most interesting clients I have ever met and have become involved in the most unusual investigation of my career. For reasons which will be disclosed later, my notes will be made public here.

Sunday, July 24 Taking a drive Have to leave quickly. May be out of touch for awhile. QC insists that we go to Arizona to see Moondog. Top secret. One of Rosebud Peru's cousins, Gilberto, owns a limo service out of 2

Satori tango

San Jose so she's getting him to loan us a stretch and a driver, Julio...Gilberto owes her a favor so its on the house. Probably stop in Barstow to see Dixie Evans and her stripper museum where the ashes of all these dead strippers are displayed in urns along with their costumes...Dixie knows about the meaning of life...and in Vegas too. I need to catch up with a couple guys there. Nothing like a little drive in the Great Southwest in the summertime. More later. posted by Benny at 1:36 AM 0 comments Saturday, July 23 Rosebud Peru Rosebud Peru is not from Peru. She is from Brazil. One of those bikini girls you see in pictures of the beach in Rio. Only Rosebud is a botanist.

She was on a trip upriver looking for medicine plants when she met QC. He was holed up hiding out in some Indian village. 3

Satori tango

Been there for several years. Gone native. Learned the language. The Indians liked him because he could talk more strange shit than their shamans. Anyway, Rosebud cleaned him up and took him back to Rio then he brought her to San Francisco. I tell them again how I had been hired to find the meaning of life which they thought was a joke the first time I told them. This makes them both laugh for a long time, probably for different reasons. I knew QC from the old days. He knew what I am usually hired to do. Anyway, Rosebud announces that she knows exactly how to find the meaning of life. "The Meaning of Life', she says, "that's the name of a bar on Grand Cayman Island. The owner's name is Juan. Tell him I sent you." They both just laugh some more. I tell them this is serious shit. It may seem goofy to them...and it sure did to me at first until I learned that my new client was dead serious. Who is this client they ask. I can't tell you I say. If I want their help they gotta know. Do they really think they can help me I ask. Yes they answer so I tell them who my client is. They are impressed. I stopped asking that question a long time ago says Quantum Coyote. Let's Google this says Rosebud Peru. Which she does. There are 680,000 hits she says. Where do you want to start? I'm going to tell her that I found the answer on the internet I ask? I don't think so. We have to go to Arizona QC announces. 4

Satori tango

posted by Benny at 1:06 PM 0 comments

Friday, July 22 Not Hung Over I'm not hung over but something is wrong. I'm not sure wrong is the right word. Everything is different. I'm going to have to write this some other time. posted by Benny at 5:32 PM 0 comments

Tosca Went to Tosca last night. Looking for QC. Place has turned into a celebrity bar. Everybody looking around wanting to see who's there and who's seeing them there. Asked about QC. The bartender knows him but he's not there. Probably next door at Spec's. Go to Spec's. There's Quantum Coyote in the back with 5

Satori tango

a girl. Doesn't look a day older than the last time I saw him twenty years ago. Same dirty white tropical suit and Panama hat. He's glad to see me. Introduces me to the girl. Name of Rosebud Peru. We all talk. Drink. I tell him why I'm looking for him. Bar closes. We go to her place. He says If I want to know the meaning of life take this. He gives me some yellow powder to snort. He and Rosebud snort some. Its some kind of special snuff from the Amazon. I'm still fucked up. More later. posted by Benny at 12:11 PM 0 comments Thursday, July 21 Quantum Coyote There's a guy who used to hang out at Tosca that I should talk to about this. He was always into some really weird shit. Used to be a stringer for the Fortean Times or some such thing. Correspondent for the Weekly World News too. That was years ago. I wonder if he still hangs at Tosca. Tosca's changed a lot. Not like when Mario was the bartender back in the day. posted by Benny at 11:38 AM 0 comments Wednesday, July 20 Who do I bug? This is humiliating. Its beginning to sink it. Is this a tactic on the part of my client to discredit me? Who do you bug if you want to find out the meaning of life? The Pope? She said to stay 6

Satori tango

away from organized religion. What about organized crime? She hates churches. Who do I spy on? Who do I follow? Who leaks this kind of information? I'm sure I can find a lot of people...scientists...philosophers...at the universities...who will be happy to give me a lot of half baked bullshit for answers. Maybe I should offer to buy the information. Maybe I should have a contest. My client is serious. This is not a joke I'm afraid. I am going to delete this. I was never good at writing. I flunked English class. But when I start writing this I don't seem to be able to stop. Lucky most of my "associates" still don't use computers. If I walk into Gino and Carlo's one day and everybody starts laughing I'll know the word it out. But that is doubtful. posted by Benny at 1:36 PM 0 comments Pissed off I'm only doing this log because my client insisted on it. One of the conditions of the job. She's giving me a lot of money to work with so I'll do it. She'll be reading this. That's OK. Whoever heard of a detective putting his notes out there for all the world to read? Or even taking notes for that matter. Who will stumble across this anyway? Maybe nobody. The more I think about this whole thing the screwier it gets. I feel like I'm being set up. What do I do? Ask my usual sources "hey Tommy...hey Joey...got a question for you babe...what's the meaning of life? Yeah...seriously. What about Hank? Yeah, 7

Satori tango

I'll call Hank in Denver...I already know what he'll say...older whisky, younger women, faster horses, more money...like the song Benny...you asshole. You stoned or what? That's what Hank will say. Maybe I'll tell my client that and get fired and be done with it.

She won't fire me of course. She already said that. Another condition of taking the job. If I take the job I gotta produce. Then she laughed and said...or else. I said, what did she mean by that. She just laughed again...I'm gonna have to tell you guys more about this lady later...that's it honey...I can expose you if you give me any shit...anyhow, she just laughed again and said "or you're dead! Bring me the meaning of life or die!" She just laughed. I did too but now I'm kind of spooked. My client is a very powerful woman. You would be surprised if I told you who she is. If I do that she probably will kill me.

8

Satori tango

I asked her why she picked me anyway. She said that I came highly recommended. posted by Benny at 12:56 PM 0 comments Tuesday, July 19 New Case Last night I got an urgent call in the middle of the night. A car was waiting for me outside. I trust the caller but where we are going and to meet whom she cannot say. We met this person and after a long discussion, and a lot of misgivings, I agreed to take the case. I must be crazy. My new client has hired me to find the meaning of life, among other things. More later. posted by Benny at 12:16 PM 1 comments Benny Pristine This is the first post to this blog so this is more or less a test of the system before I get into actual posts of my notes. posted by Benny at 11:58 AM 0 comments

---

9

Satori tango

2. I'll give you a little background on Benny Pristine then I'll fill you in on me. A few years ago I was involved in making a documentary about Benny for one of the local Francisco TV stations. What follows is quoted from the treatment: "Benny Pristine came to prominence as a private detective in San Francisco in the 1970’s. In fact, he became a local, and to some extent national, celebrity. Flamboyant, publicity seeking but very effective, Benny worked for Melvin Belli and other well known attorneys, politicians, movie stars, the social elite, and, on unpublicized occasions, the mafia, drug dealers and the C.I.A. Benny got around...made all the spots, was invited to all the parties, romanced all the women, rarely slept...was flying high. "Then, on New Year’s Eve 1979, he vanished. Rumors abounded, the papers were full of it, investigations were initiated...but nothing...no body...no Benny.!!To sensationalize Benny's disappearance even more, the tabloids revealed that the case Benny was working on at the time involved a kidnapping 10

Satori tango

which was alleged to be an alien abduction and was also being investigated by a top secret government agency. The case was never solved.!!

"Benny's roots were in show business. His parents were almost-made-it Hollywood types, his uncles were stunt men, his aunts were make-up artists, his grand parents worked the carnivals and the vaudeville stage. Gypsy Rose Lee was a family friend.!!Growing up, Benny came to be known as a prankster, hoaxer, trickster and minor con artist. He learned the skills of his family well...he was an

accomplished mimic,

sleight-of-hand magician, disguise artist, tightrope walker and

11

Satori tango

actor. He became well known much later for using these skills in solving his cases.! !"In the early sixties a very young Benny went to Vegas and created a lounge act...stand-up and some singing, met Sinatra and the Rat Pack and started running “errands” and doing a bit of extracurricular snooping for the boys and, at times, their shady friends. Things got too hot for Benny in Vegas and in the mid-sixties he decided to get away to someplace “quiet”...San Francisco. "He quit show business and opened a detective agency first in Sausalito then North Beach. Although Benny made a lot of money and became famous, his family thought he was a sellout and a failure. Never able to stay off the stage completely, one of Benny's favorite places to relax was his best friend, Bob “The Voice” Ono’s Karaoke lounge and “hostess” bar in Japantown where insiders could catch him doing his old Vegas act for a few friends on off nights.!!At some point in this section of the show we will be taken on a small walking tour of Benny's old haunts...the vacant lot where his Victorian office building used to be, a boarded-up North Beach bar that he and Bob “The Voice” once owned, Enrico's sidewalk café, etc.!!The last line of this section, spoken emphatically by one of the people being interviewed, is, “On New Year’s Eve of 1979 Benny Pristine just vanished...gone! Benny Houdini we used to call him...sure do wonder where he is now..." "Benny turned up of course…several years later. What happened during those years I guess nobody will ever know. 12

Satori tango

Events involving Benny that occurred during the weeks after he re-emerged wound up being tabloid fodder too, but that's another story. He did reconnect with Crysta Bella, a flamboyant psychic and interior designer, after standing her up at the Hooker's ball."

One other interesting Benny artifact turned up on the news of the era which I saved a transcript of and include here. A

reporter

interviews Benny

not knowing

who he's

interviewing. The reporter thinks he's talking to some attorney. Its hilarious: 13

Satori tango

Benny Benny’s not dead because Benny never existed. He was a fictitious character that the real detective who solved all those cases created as a front to keep the newspapers away from where the action was. He was a fake...a diversion...you know, like a magician uses so you don’t see his trick. Benny got a reputation as a master of disguise...what a hook! Actually, the real detective, who must remain nameless, of course, hired several different actors to play Benny in public. They all looked enough alike to pass. Occasionally though, just for kicks, he would have a real fat guy or a Chinese guy or a Black guy play Benny for the press. There was never a question. Everybody thought Benny Pristine was a genius. Reporter Are you making all this up? No one else has told this story. If what you say is true, how do you know about it? And why didn’t you sell it to the tabloids years ago? Benny Slow down man...take it easy. As you said, this is just my theory about the great Benny Pristine Mystery Carnival. I may be right, I may be wrong. You be the judge. Reporter But... Benny I’ve gotta get moving kid. Good luck with your show. --14

Satori tango

3. As far as your humble correspondent is concerned here's the scoop. My name is Zeno Murray. I'm kind of hard to pin down as to job description. I have served as a researcher for various publications, industry, several governments and a think tank or two. Some have called me an ontological investigative journalist, some a futurist crank. Why don't you put "Zeno Murray, Reality Hacker" on your business card they say. I tell them that I will consider this…but that maybe my card should read "Zeno Murray, Really a Hack". I have also published short fiction under another name and written screenplays using yet a third. I am acquainted with this guy Moondog mentioned in Benny's blog and have had many dealings, some good some bad, with Quantum Coyote. I do not know Rosebud Peru but would like to meet her. I guess Moondog is living in Arizona now but he used to be based here. I refer to my journal: 15

Satori tango

"On one occasion several years ago I was having lunch with the publisher of a national "future positive" magazine at Enrico's. We were discussing the development of a female character, a super sexy super heroine who could "star" in a wide variety of science fiction oriented formats, short stories, a novel, a movie, a comic book, a computer game, etc. As we were about to pay the check a beautiful young woman wearing nothing but a leopard skin bikini twirled almost mechanically from the street to our table inside the sidewalk cafe. She looked directly at me with blazing eyes and spoke.

"If I could tell you what it meant, there would be no point in dancing it. Isadora Duncan said that!" Instantly, she spun back into the street with the same strange precision with which she had entered. The manager and two waiters were at our table by this time but it was too late. My friend and I paid for lunch and hurried to the sidewalk, but the girl had disappeared. I told him that I would think about the project we had been discussing and call him in a week.

16

Satori tango

I wandered through Chinatown thinking about the dancing girl and the project for an hour or so. On several occasions, I thought I saw her reflection in a plate glass store window, but when I turned around, she was gone. She seemed to be teasing me. I roamed on. I decided on that afternoon to visit Hieronymous P. Moondog. Moondog had an extensive underground reputation as a visionary, inventor

ex-LSD

chemist and sometime avant-garde filmmaker. I lifted the huge brass ring attached to Moondog's door and pounded three times. Nothing happened. I was about to knock again when I heard cursing, a sure sign Moondog was home. He opened the door and glared at me. "Godammit, you just interrupted the most incredible lucid dream I ever had!" He shuffled back into the expanse of the huge warehouse where he lived and worked still cursing. A large, black, cast iron, submarine-like sensory deprivation tank still dominated the center of the room like some weird prehistoric sea monster… I had not visited Moondog in months. Further back in the gloom, I could make out the contours of what must be his latest project, the Moondog Holomovement Device. This computer - human interface is a sort of Starship Enterprise Holo-deck affair which, Moondog claimed, "can take user created virtual reality to as yet unrealized heights. You can not only be wherever and whenever you want to be but also whoever you want to be - and really believe it - for as long as

17

Satori tango

you want…should make a computer simulation game out of this…make a fortune". He sat down and glared at me again.

"So…what's so fucking important?" "You keep telling me to come over here…sorry to interrupt. I've got a project I thought you might be interested in helping me with. There's money in it." I looked around, half expecting to see a woman emerge from the shadows. "What are you looking for…you think somebody's here? I told you I was dreaming. You thought I was fucking, huh? Well I was fucking, but I was dream fucking…and let me tell you, its a lot better than real fucking. You want me to tell you about it?" "Well, I…" "Look, you interrupted it so you're gonna at least have the common decency to sit down and hear about it. Have some wine…relax. Uncommon dream."

18

Satori tango

I poured

myself a

glass of

wine and settled

in…sometimes Moondog could tell stories for hours. His voice changed as he spoke…became deeply resonant. "I'm floating above a vast forest. Gently rolling hills. Deep green. A light mist swirls through the forest, along the shallow valleys. I move lower now, into the forest itself. Sunlight filters through the trees in shafts which penetrate the mist and shadows of the forest. There is a little path along one of the valleys. Wildflowers are growing here and there. A girl emerges from the shadows. She strolls down the path. Her eyes are large and deep set Italian, Felliniesque. Long black tangles of hair, waist length, bounce back and forth, almost in slow motion, as she moves. Her skin is golden and shiny. It glows in the shafts of sunlight. Her body is covered only by a few scraps of animal skin, maybe tiger or leopard…" Moondog believes, as do many others, that human thought can be shaped by intention into thought forms that can influence matter, even the physical body. He also claims that there is a similar process whereby a thought created field of energy can appear to take on human or animal form, or the form of any other sort of entity, for that matter, that the human mind can conjure up. Moondog says that once these forms are created, they remain manifest until a human consciousness dissolves them. If the human who created them carelessly forgets about 19

Satori tango

or is not aware of his creation and then dies, his poor orphaned offspring remain. Since the human mind has created thought forms, usually unwittingly, for thousands upon uncounted thousands of years, the dimension where these entities reside is a vast cesspool of these creations…most created by human or human-like consciousness.

Now, in typical Moondog fashion, Moondog also claims that he, himself, is a thought form that he, himself, has created…and that everybody else is too. Although he sometimes tries to lay the responsibility for how he turned out on someone else…protesting that he is someone else's fictitious character or double or shadow or god knows 20

Satori tango

what…these protests are always tongue-in-cheek. He knows that nobody but him could come up with such an unbelievable character as himself and he wants all the credit."

---

21

Satori tango

4. I found a fiction piece I wrote about Moondog and Crysta Bella. Strange pairing but I found it interesting at the time. This does have a bearing on Benny's disappearance so bear with me. DERVISH Moondog unlocks the warehouse door and leans against it, forcing it open for the first time in over a year. Dirt, which has accumulated in the cracks around the huge door, showers down on him and his guest as they cautiously make their way inside.

22

Satori tango

The interior of the warehouse is musty and cool. The air is stale...motionless...like that of an immense tomb...sealed in the distant past never to be defiled. There is no sound. The immense room is lit only by the moonlight, shining in bright shafts through skylights high above, which makes the particles of dust suspended in the dead air glimmer in the darkness. A luxuriant coat of white powder blankets everything in the warehouse like new fallen snow. A woman, Crysta Bella, reverently makes her way through the shadows, as if she is exploring an awesome archeological

find...touching

this

or

that

object

carefully...gazing at the egg shaped, cast iron sensory deprivation tank and then at one after another of Moondog's exotic inventions with wonder and anticipation. She whispers, "This must be the holomovement device...I want to try it." Moondog flips a switch and several pools of light appear. "Why are you whispering?" Crysta Bella is startled by Moondog's booming voice. "Oh..." She turns and smiles at him, regaining her confidence. He flips another switch and the dark, low tones of jungle drums fill the room. "Some wine? You said you were going to buy me a drink."

23

Satori tango

Moondog pours himself and Crysta Bella some wine and sits down on a large cushion in the middle of the room. Crysta Bella begins to move with the beat of the drums. She removes her trench coat. The costume underneath is made of pieces of leopard skin stitched together with rawhide. The tempo of the drumming picks up. Crysta Bella twirls faster…synchronized perfectly...almost too perfectly...with the

throbbing beat. Entrained...mechanically controlled, a spinning marionette...frightening in her intensity, she screams as the penetrating drums reach their peak. Moondog sits quietly, sipping at his wine...his eyes locked with Crysta Bella's. Suddenly, she stops dancing, calmly walks to Moondog, and sits down. She accepts the glass of wine that he offers and drinks deeply. She speaks. "Isadora Duncan once said, 'If words could tell you what it meant, then why dance it?'." 24

Satori tango

Moondog says nothing for a long time...then he replies. "Wonderful. Now why don't you just cut the crap and tell me who you are and what you are doing here. Are you trying to make me think that you are who I think you are trying to make me think you are?" Crysta Bella bursts out laughing. "Could you run that by me again please?" She laughs harder and begins to cough. She spills her wine. Soon, Moondog is laughing as well. Crysta Bella pulls Moondog to his feet and they both gyrate frantically to the pounding of the drums. The dust devils swirling at their feet finally mingle and fuse into a cyclone of white powdery light which threatens to swallow them up...suck them into its hungry maw. They finally collapse, exhausted."

---

25

Satori tango

5. I found out after I wrote that piece that Crysta Bella actually had done quite a number with Moondog as well as Benny. Its funny how "real" life and "fiction" sometimes sync up. I'm wondering now which one she really wants me to help her find. She called again.

26

Satori tango

"I found something you may want to check out…want me to bring it over." "Sure. Crysta Bella showed up at my place about an hour later. Aging, Italian, erotic…the Sophia Loren of North Beach. She had a friend, The Rev. Dona Juanita Medusa, with her. She introduced Dona Juanita, whom she knew I had wanted to meet, then gave me a manuscript about Quantum Coyote written by Moondog himself. I present the manuscript here as evidence since it has a direct bearing on the case.

---

27

Satori tango

6. Moondog's manuscript: I see this life as a conjuration and a dream. Great compassion rises in my heart for those without a knowledge of this truth. MILAREPA "I've traveled so much that I feel like a local almost anywhere in the world. Does that make me a non-local local?"

28

Satori tango

I recognized QC's voice immediately, even though I hadn't crossed paths with him in over ten years, as it echoed down the bar at Tosca, somehow riding above the wildly animated chatter of the patrons and the emotional pleas of the voice of some unidentifiable opera singer which blared from the only jukebox in the world stocked entirely with opera and old country. Enrico Caruso or Hank Williams...what would it be? QC's kind of place. QC was one of these characters who roamed the world incessantly engaged in some obscure business that only he understood and that I never really wanted to know about for a host of reasons. He had the knack, or, as he put it, "coincidence control" of turning up at odd times in unexpected places, but, also as he put it, "right on time in just the right spot...as usual" with a smug sideways grin and "I told you so" attitude. QC was short for Quantum Coyote, his "real name", his identity of birth having been either lost to him following a fall of several hundred feet while attempting Mt. Everest alone, which he miraculously survived intact except for his memory (the story he tells most often), or deliberately erased by either himself or some covert government agency, which he occasionally alludes to but which I carefully avoid discussing.

29

Satori tango

Tonight, QC looked taller than usual and his skin tone seemed different, but the ever present rumpled white tropical suit and Panama hat were the same. I had noticed over the years that "Mr. Coyote", as he liked to be addressed by the uninitiated, could change his appearance depending on the part of the world he was in, the language he was speaking (he seemed to be able to speak them all), the story about himself he was telling at the time (if he was claiming to be half Irish and half Apache Indian and expounding on the similarities of Native American and Celtic Shamanism, he looked the part).

"I am a fictitious character...I make myself up as I go along. Everybody else does too, they just don't know it...what a pity..." 30

Satori tango

QC did not seem to age. Or, more accurately, he was able to appear to be younger or older depending on the character he was "playing" at the time. I once watched him make the color of his eyes change like a mood ring. "Controlled Multiple Personality Disorder...valuable tool in my line of work!" QC's charisma, bizarre talents, impeccable social style and seemingly unlimited academic and world wise education and curiosity made him irresistible and, at the same time, utterly creepy to those who had known him or thought they had known him for a long time. QC's voice boomed down the bar once again as I tried to squeeze through the crowd. "As Bob Wilson says...reality is what you can get away with...but as I say...watch out!...reality ain't what it used to be!" He glanced away from the people he was addressing and noticed me inching my way toward him. He beamed a grin of recognition and spread his arms in a gesture that seemed to part the crowd Moses style so that I could pass through. He moved toward me, limping a little. 31

Satori tango

"How did I know you would walk through that door? I'm waiting for Benny and now here you are." "You know everything. What brings you to San Francisco? And what's with the limp? Some new character device? Benny's coming huh?" "Well aren't we cynical after all these years. This is a real limp. Haven't you read the papers? Mario, get Hieronymous here a drink...Bombay Sapphire with lime...right? "Right." "You should change what you drink...you're too predictable. Yeah…Benny. I hope he didn't get intercepted." "I always drink the same thing, you always say the same thing when I order it. Why don't you change that?" "You've asked me that before haven't you? Where was it..." "So you were in the newspaper? I thought that you avoided publicity like death. What do you mean intercepted?" A carefully folded copy of Weekly World News appeared 32

Satori tango

from his inside coat pocket. He unfolded it slowly and handed it to me. On the cover was a photograph of the sole of a man's foot. The big toe appeared to be much too large for the rest of the foot. A perfectly round hole penetrated the big toe and blood oozed from the rim of the hole. The man's face appeared in the background of the photograph. The face more or less looked like QC. The headline read, "Man's Big Toe/Portal To Another Dimension! Bizarre Stigmata Examined By Vatican! Tiny Holy Relics Appear Out Of Nowhere Through Sacred Toe Hole!"

My drink arrived and we made our way to a booth at the back of the bar.

33

Satori tango

"I thought you just investigated strange phenomena, I didn't realize that you participated. It doesn't seem to be your style." "You're right...but this just happened. Nothing I could do about it. One day in the jungle I woke up after being out for weeks...I had taken some experimental concoction... way on the other side of ayahuasca...they thought I was dead except that my eyes were wide open and the left one kept looking around...but no heartbeat. Then finally I came back and something like the Bermuda Triangle had taken over my left big toe and all these tiny crosses and other things started popping from the hole. There was a priest nearby who had been keeping an eye on the situation. He thought they had made me into a zombie or something. He flipped out and got in touch with the nearest newspaper." "Which jungle QC?" "Peru. It was in all the papers down there. I had to hide out to avoid the pilgrims. The Pope sent a "special emissary" to investigate from the Vatican version of the C.I.A.." "The what?"

34

Satori tango

"Oh yeah. They have their own Impossible Missions Force with their own little James Bond style super monks that are second to none. Well maybe the Israelis and Swiss are better...I told Benny to watch out." "The Swiss?" "Some other time. Anyhow, I was all the rage for a couple of days, but nobody could find me. The Indians took care of that." "Are you going to tell me how you got from the jungle to Tosca? "Some other time. Uh oh..you see those two guys who just came in?" Two extremely well dressed older 1atinos who looked like either diplomats or Colombian gangsters were standing near the entrance looking around. "Who are they?" "The Pope's people. Let's go out the back." "What about Benny?"

35

Satori tango

"Benny can take care of himself. He'll catch up with us later." QC continued cryptically. "They say the map is not the territory. Well in my case the territory is not the territory either."

---

36

Satori tango

7. We were at my place. QC's bulging left big toe loomed up at me through the magnifying glass. "Well there she is…a goddammed rabbit hole to Wonderland right through my toe…and a holy hole at that! The hole was outlandish and disorienting. It was perfectly round and went all the way through. Rivulets of blood welled up around its rim in a symmetrical counterclockwise pattern…a miniature vortex of red fluid.

37

Satori tango

QC propped his foot up on my large glass work table so I could get a better look. At a certain angle I could see through the hole clearly but if I shifted the angle of view slightly all I could see inside was a pitch black, seemingly endless spooky void.

"Watch this…" QC moved the toe rapidly back and forth several times. A shower of tiny crosses, statues of saints and Buddhas and other religious looking relics clattered onto the table. "What do you think of that? "Wow!" "Zackly." We both paused reverently and looked at each other for a 38

Satori tango

long, spine tingling moment. This was one of those only several times in a lifetime moments when the sacred utterance Wow! And its reply, Zackly! Were the only appropriate response to a spectacular display of the truly peculiar and Dada-like infinite strangeness and humor of the universe. Perhaps I should back up and explain myself a bit here. QC and I, along with several hundred others scattered about the globe, comprise what is left of a lineage of initiates of the ancient order of W.O.W. or Wizards Of The World which was founded by the crazy wise prophet Zachariah of Gomorrah a long time ago, hence the magical connotations of the words Wow! And Zackly! QC's toe definitely deserved a Wow! And a Zackly! "You can see why I have to avoid the Vatican agents. They would kill me if they saw my toe spitting out Buddhas and crucifixes together…not to mention all this other strange shit. Now, if you think what you've seen so far is odd…watch this." QC slowly inserted the middle finger of his right hand into the hole in his toe. It did not come out the other side. He began to rhythmically, almost sexually probe the hole in his toe. He grinned up at me and then turned his complete attention to what he was doing. The hole 39

Satori tango

widened as QC plunged his entire hand into it. A swirling, blood rimmed vortex seemed to open in empty space and suck first QC's entire arm and then his head and torso into itself, contorting his body in obscene ways as it gobbled it up. I could not move. QC had just disappeared before my eyes into the gory hole in his left big toe. In all of my studies of esoterica and bizarre phenomena, even though Fortean in scope, the event I had just witnessed was unprecedented. And then things got stranger. QC's sideways grin and then his entire head appeared, floating above my glass table Cheshire Cat-like, followed by his entire body which oozed back into this dimension with obvious self satisfaction and confidence.

40

Satori tango

He just sat there…staring at me…his left foot still propped on the table as if nothing had happened. Suddenly, I cracked up…I could not stop laughing. "What's so fucking funny?" I'm sorry…I just got this image of a cartoon that you used to see on signs in souvenir shops years ago of a guy with his head up his ass. I wonder if he was looking at the same place you just disappeared to…that's all."

QC hesitated and then burst into spasms of hooting and giggling. He jumped up as if possessed and danced about the room with cryptic, jerky motions until he collapsed in a heap on a pile of large cushions. "All I can say is Wow! I mean, it's way better than drugs, meditation, shamanic journeys or death. Much easier…no side effects. I mean…just crawl into the hole in your toe and boom! There you are…the Otherworld!" 41

Satori tango

"Zackly. But how do you know about death QC, and how do you know where you go when you go through your toe? "Elementary my dear Hieronymous, elementary. I know where I go when I go through my toe and I know that you know where I go when I go through my toe." "This is ridiculous…no?" "Yes…quite. And therefore imminently worthy of our most serious attention." "Let's cut the crap QC." "Yeah. I don't know whether I am some whacked out spiritual avatar or a certified sideshow freak." "Maybe both." "Maybe." "Maybe we are witnessing the birth of a new world religion, a religion for the new millennium." "Maybe."

42

Satori tango

"Maybe you are a Christ or a Buddha." "Maybe." "Maybe you are the first Toeist. T.O.E. after all stands for Theory Of Everything in English. Maybe you are the new Lao Tzu." "Wow!...that's more like it! You're a genius Hieronymous." "Zackly. Maybe we should write a book based on your explorations inside your toe since it sounds like the whole universe is in there." "It will be known as the WowToe." "Where should we begin?" "Why, at the beginning, of course." QC pointed to the hole in his toe and spoke the magic words with great pomp and seriousness. "You first." And thus, Quantum Coyote and his friend, chronicler, and 43

Satori tango

brother in the ancient order of the Wizards Of The World, Hieronymous Moondog, disappeared from human space-time to roam the "vast expanses" of non-time and no place.

---

44

Satori tango

8. Before their departure, as a precaution, they left an encrypted message on the Internet WOW home page which only their brothers and sisters in the ancient order, and Benny Pristine, could read. Evidence of their Otherworld doings occasionally crops up in this dimension and is duly noted when even the uninitiated experience something weird and exclaim wow! Their return is anxiously anticipated. Hieronymous Moondog's immense and whimsical warehouse, workshop, laboratory and archive was sealed by members of the Order of WOW as soon as they got the news about what was going on. No one knew exactly where the Rabbit Hole, as it came to be called, was located inside the labyrinthine cavern, but they were sure it was in there somewhere. 45

Satori tango

The warehouse was placed under WOW guard, and only initiates into the Order were allowed inside. They began to arrive from all over the world on a pilgrimage of unprecedented expectation, to insure their safety, guard their secret and greedily await the results of this preposterous quest for the grail. An atmosphere of Viking revelry prevailed as the number of pilgrims grew. They all knew each other but many had not crossed paths, in the flesh at least, in many years. Tales of old conquests and new exploits were told deep into the night, fueled by copious amounts of wine and other substances. At the stroke of midnight a few weeks into the gathering the collected throng was brought to attention by a loud electronic sounding sizzle and pop in the vicinity of Moondog's glass work table. Unmitigated silence prevailed and all present stared hypnotized in the direction of the portentous holy noise. A CD zipped into view, seemingly from empty space, and spun onto the glass table, rattling and quivering as it settled into place. The dazed group of onlookers gasped and then someone had the presence of mind to put the CD 46

Satori tango

into a player in Moondog's sound system and turn it on. There was only a void of silence at first and then exotic, almost alien laughter bounced about the warehouse, first here and then there and then everywhere. Then they heard QC's sandpapery voice. "The "T" in TOE does not stand for Theory, it stands for Theater! TOE means Theater Of Everything!

Life is a cabaret my friends... Come to the cabaret..." The voice and the laughter faded out. The assembled seekers did not know quite what to do next. Dazed and confused by this revelation of something that

47

Satori tango

they already knew or, at least, suspected, they mumbled amongst themselves for awhile and then all, in lock step synchrony, lay down and took a nap. Benny Pristine continued his surveillance.

---

48

Satori tango

9. So here we have Quantum Coyote and Hieronymous Moondog, two world wise, ultra sophisticated and somewhat self satisfied magi, wandering the mysterious backstage rooms and corridors of the Theater Of Everything, having gotten there through a hole in the former's left big toe, while the assembled Wizards

49

Satori tango

Of The World sleep it off in the latter's warehouse, dreaming of awakening to a revelation. An incessant and overbearing assortment of clowns, jugglers, cowboys, Indians, cops, robbers, priests, athletes, magicians, musicians, stage hands, make-up artists, reporters, freaks, lawyers, etc., etc., stampede past them, heading in all directions, all about to miss their cue. From somewhere very far away applause, laughter and occasional booing and hissing sounds echo toward the two and then are lost in the hive-like buzz of the ever late performers. Moondog finally says something. "Where the fuck are we?" "The sign said Theater Of Everything. The guy who made that CD for us said he was from TOE Records." "That was weird...he just pulled it out of his coat prerecorded." "What do you expect? You're inside my toe...anything can happen." "We must be backstage. Backstage at the Theater Of Everything...what a concept!"

50

Satori tango

"This is not a concept. Let's find the Greenroom." QC and Moondog wander into the enormous, jam packed Greenroom of the Theater Of Everything. Countless numbers of characters of every description dressed in costumes of unprecedented variety crowd about heavily laden buffet tables that extend out of sight into the far reaches of the room. A rotund man dressed in black who seems to be in command of the situation notices the two and approaches them suspiciously. He looks like Orson Welles.

Orson: Can I help you? You look lost. QC: We're just checking out the accommodations. You know, you really look like Orson Welles. Orson: I am Orson Welles you idiot, or at least his personality and ego. If you're here you should 51

Satori tango

know that by now. You two must have just been written or something. New fictitious characters can never figure out what's going on at first. Moondog: What the fuck are you talking about? QC: I told you I am a fictitious character Hieronymous. Look, I think I know what you're saying Orson. Orson: Mr. Welles to you! You better come clean quick gentlemen or there'll be hell to pay! Moondog: Uh oh...considering where we are QC, I think... QC: You have my profound apologies Mr. Welles. I am Quantum Coyote, guerrilla ontologist and my associate here is Hieronymous Moondog, metaphysical entertainer. At your service. Orson: You two must be the wise guys who crawled through that crack between the worlds that opened up in some idiot's big toe the other day. QC: Excuse me? Orson: Oh...must've had to twist yourself up a little to accomplish that feat. What do you want? Most humans 52

Satori tango

don't make it this far unless they're either dead or doing some sacred deed. Moondog: This far? Orson: Do you have any idea where you are? QC: We're lost. Would you be so kind as to fill us in? Orson: Look...I've heard about you two. Spiritual thrill seekers...the whole lot of you! No damned good! Wizards of the World...indeed! Dilettantes! QC: Being a wizard is tough these days. Moondog: If you know so much about us Mr. Welles, I take it you also know that what we're trying to do is bring some of the magic back. You know, save the human imagination before it is either wiped out or winds up stored in some machine. Orson: How noble. Got a little self importance going there eh? QC: Look you asshole stop busting our balls! We're here right? Showtime! Why don't you give us the inside shit on this place if you're so fucking high and mighty. Talk about self importance! 53

Satori tango

Orson: Remember, you are talking to my ego and my personality. They're not the real me. Sorry.

QC: What a cop out. Orson: I don't know why you, of all people, are shocked. You claim to be a fictitious character yourself...you claim to make yourself up as you go along...you can jump from character to character at will...even change your physical appearance. You know that the part is not the player, the character is not the actor, the 54

Satori tango

culturally conditioned, hypnotized, bound by personal history, named and shaped by mommy and daddy, legend in its own mind, scared to death that it will die one day, I want to control everything, let's bet the odds, of course I know who I am, gravely perception challenged...ego...is not the real you. Moondog: Wow! QC: Zackly. Exasperated, Orson walks away into the crowd. QC and Moondog hurry to catch up with him. Orson: Follow me! QC and Moondog are admiring the hundreds of photographs on the walls of Orson's lavish office. Orson is gazing out a picture window at the hubbub in the Greenroom below. He mumbles to himself. Orson: Incarnation is addictive...only a master could have made such a blunder... QC: What?

55

Satori tango

Orson: I think it was Vincent Van Gogh who said that. QC: Said what? Orson: Nothing. I guess I'm just jealous. Remember, you're still talking to my ego. Moondog: Jealous of who? Orson: You claim to be a wizard…who do you think? QC: Oh...(to Moondog)...are you sure we're in the right place? I mean...here we are, backstage at what we think is the Theater Of Everything with some dead ego maniac director, a coliseum sized room full of crazed fictitious characters ...and our dear director, who is also our tour guide, telling us about how he is jealous of God! Orson: All artists are jealous of incomprehensible talent. And we are all artists, are we not, of one kind or another. We all create our own world - I think...the problem arises when we don't realize who has created it...that it is that whoever which is responsible for either continuing work on our present creation or beginning another. So why not be jealous of God? God is the doer. I think God would approve. Sit down... 56

Satori tango

I'll tell you what I know. Orson slips into his best narrative persona and his voice resonates through the room. Orson: Welcome to the Theater Of Everything...everything is theater, everything is performance, everything is carefully written, everything is utterly spontaneous, everything dances, everything sings, everything has an audience, everything moves, everything has power, everything lives, everything is creativity, everything loves...everything giggles ...anything is possible.

Orson pauses. QC and Moondog are spellbound.

57

Satori tango

Orson: Now...you two bad boys have snuck backstage to take a peek at the naked stripper... right? This is all abstract, but I'm sure, in typical human form, you will make it make sense. You will either think you are getting what you think you are paying for...or, if you just begin to make sense of this backstage nonsense, you may go home mad...as in loony, nuts, off one's rocker. If you do good here, I may certify you both as bona fide fools. Silence. Orson studies QC and Moondog carefully as he paces back and forth in front of them. Suddenly, he spins around to face them and shouts. Orson: Bang! QC and Moondog jump and Orson dies laughing. He composes himself and continues. Orson: "God has no religion" Mahatma Gandhi..."I would only believe in a God who could dance" Friedrich Nietzche..."God is putting up the money for this production, of course. Playing all the parts too, although even God can be forgetful. He (or She he, he, he) has 58

Satori tango

creative control" Orson Welles...but then, but then, "A movie does not exist without an audience" Jean Luc Godard. Orson turns on the two again and screams.

Orson: Wake up! QC and Moondog jump again. Orson: The audience shouldn't sleep through the performance. That's the problem with most human beings...they don't realize that they are both the performer andt he audience. They get so caught up in their part that they forget they are just acting...just playing a fictitious character that has partly been created for them by…guess who? And, let 59

Satori tango

me tell you, once that fictitious character has been created, it insists on being played…will do anything to be acted out...why just look at me! Before you stands the ego and personality of the fictitious character known as Orson Welles, whose body died some time ago and whose soul is casting about for another character to play, a character who can learn from poor Orson's mistakes and move on to greater heights of expression. Of course, my soul and I still hang out, along with several other characters my soul has played down through the ages. Let's say we are our soul's consultants...we are helping our soul pick a set of circumstances for the new incarnation that will produce a great new character...hopefully a character who won't forget who is watching the show. How ironic...that was my problem on earth. Here I was, a great actor and a great director, and I forgot that I was a great actor and a great director. How silly of me huh? But one must never despair of waking up...tell them this when you go back. Tell them they're the audience, remind them that they've paid for their seats by showing up at the rock concert, Broadway musical comedy, disaster movie, three ring circus of their life time and that they had better pay attention! I mean really...why show up at the ball game if you ain't gonna root for the home team? 60

Satori tango

There is a long silence. Finally QC speaks. QC: So what you're saying is that a soul, with direction, picks a set of cultural and genetic circumstances that become the seed of a character and a body that is shaped by that culture, parents, education and the character itself that congeals into an ego and personality that the soul can use to creatively express itself through as long as it maintains awareness of what is going on and that it is not contained or defined by this ego and personality, but, instead, contains and defines it. Orson: Uhh... QC: Right? Orson: Uhhh...no… Moondog: Jesus Christ! Are you satisfied Orson. Now you have poor QC here spouting some fa ca ca quasi metaphysics that sounds more moronic than that melodramatic crap you're trying to sell. I mean, don't get me wrong, your performance was great, very convincing and you did make some points but look at this guy. (QC is lost in space) Snap out of it QC! 61

Satori tango

A female voice screeches from the intercom on Orson's desk. Voice: Mr. Welles Mr. Welles the situation in the Greenroom is reaching critical mass! All the characters are demanding to know when they will be assigned an actor and Hamlet, James Bond and Dracula are in your waiting room!

Orson turns away from QC and Moondog and stares blankly at the near riot in the Greenroom far below. The fictitious characters have started a food fight and are chanting.

62

Satori tango

Chant: Orson! Orson! Cast us! Cast us! Orson mutters to himself. Orson: Rosebud...Rosebud...Rosebud...Rosebud... Moondog jerks QC to his feet. Moondog: Its been great Orson, but we're outa here. QC and Moondog exit.

---

63

Satori tango

10.

The massive iron gates of the Theater Of Everything clangs shut behind QC and Moondog. QC, back to his senses now, looks up at the sign above the gate and shakes his head. "If that's it, we're in big trouble…" Moondog squirms uncomfortably. "I wonder if there's a Toilet Of Everything around here?" They look around. They are at one end of a colossal tunnel which branches this way and that in the distance. A neon sign buzzes on and off overhead...Tunnel Of Everything. QC sighs. "Oh boy...here we go. I guess the Theater Of Everything did not include the Tunnel Of Everything." "Or the Toilet Of Everything either...look over there." Just around a slight bend in the tunnel they see a frosted glass door with the sign Toilet Of Everything above it. Moondog quickly heads for the door. The walls of the Toilet Of Everything are covered with graffiti.

64

Satori tango

Do not take the Buddha for the Ultimate. As I look at him, he is still like the hole in the privy. RINZAI Language is a virus from outer space. WILLIAM BURROUGHS Knowledge is fashion. ROBERT HARDING Everything you know is wrong. FIRESIGN THEATER A man's worst enemies can't wish on him what he can think up himself. YIDDISH PROVERB Behead yourself! RUMI All "isms" should be "wasms." ABBIE HOFFMAN If I could tell you what it meant, there'd be no use in dancing it. ISADORA DUNCAN

65

Satori tango

Show hard. ANONYMOUS Thousands of remarks cover every available space on the walls of the Toilet Of Everything. QC and Moondog relieve themselves and, after seemingly endless perusal, QC has to finally physically pull Moondog away from this vast literary display. Back in the tunnel, Moondog is obviously impressed. "They sure tagged that sucker!"

--Moondog's manuscript ends here. I don't know whether this is a total fabrication or based on actual experience…with these guys its hard to tell. I must ask Moondog and QC when I see them again. In any case, I guess they made it out of Quantum Coyote's big toe and lived to tell the tale. Unless, of course, we are now all actually inside of Quantum Coyote's big toe…Matrix-like…after all, T.O.E. could stand for Toe Of Everything…which would mean that…I'll stop this line of inquiry here. For now…

---

66

Satori tango

11. Crysta Bella and the Rev, Dona Juanita Medusa accepted my offer of wine and made themselves comfortable. "Can you believe that bastard? Off to Vegas and not a word to me. We were supposed to fly to New York. Hired to find the meaning of life. What Bullshit! I'll bet he's fucking his client or that Rosebud Peru, whoever she is." Crysta Bella was pissed. I tried to reassure her. "I'll call Dixie. If he's anywhere near Vegas he'll go see Dixie." Dona

Juanita's

gaze

was

at

once

remote

and

cajoling...hard to figure...unapproachable and "come hither" at the same time. She pulled a page torn from a magazine out of her purse. "I already told you, Rosebud Peru is nothing Bella. This Dixie I don't know about. Anyway, I found this today in the India Daily. I'd like to see what you think of it Mr. Murray. I knew we were coming here and I couldn't resist. Can I read you part of it?" "Sure. And it's Zeno, never Mr. Murray." "O.K Zeno - Extraterrestrial UFOs show the presence of invisible fifth dimension in our universe that we cannot even see or feel. India Daily Technology Team. August 6, 2005.

67

Satori tango

"We cannot see it, we cannot feel it but our mind floats in it. It is the invisible fifth dimension in our universe. One of the biggest conundrums in modern astronomy is the fact that over 90% of our Universe is invisible. This mysterious missing stuff is known as "dark matter"…

"…Recently, when UFO flight patterns and their strange disappearances were modeled in the computer, it was very obvious they were using an additional spatial dimension to hide and seek and create a total magic… "…The conclusion scientists came up with is that our universe has another dimension (we call it fifth dimension) in which the 90% of the universe is floating or spinning. We cannot see it, cannot feel it but it is there to make everything else happen in the universe… "…This may be the reason we can never understand the UFO phenomenon because we just cannot see the entire 68

Satori tango

universe. Once we fix our sight thorough the technical expertise and equipments, we will be able to communicate with the UFOs, aliens and others who live with five dimensions and even can manipulate them for travel and so on…" "What do you think?" I didn't know where she was coming from with this. Anytime someone starts talking about UFOs the first time you meet them you gotta wonder. I knew a little about Dona Juanita though and I'm sure she knew something of my reputation so maybe its not surprising. Also, Benny's history with UFO tales and his recent disappearance could connect the dots to some extent - I guess. Plus, I didn't find the content of the article that strange - or new, for that matter. As far as the Rev. Dona Juanita Medusa herself was concerned - in the interest of finding out why she's along for the ride with Crysta Bella on this Benny thing - and since I don't believe in coincidences I've been able to put together the following: (I'll tell you what I told her about what I thought of the "dark matter" article in a minute.)

---

69

Satori tango

12. The Rev. Dona Juanita Medusa Biographical Data: In the 1870's, following the Confederate defeat in the U.S. Civil War, a large number of southerners migrated to Brazil to start a new life in what they believed would be a climate more congenial to their ways and customs. Among them was Captain Donald Johnson Medley, his wife Sarah and their three children. The Medley family prospered in their adopted homeland and were soon operating a successful Amazonian plantation. By the early 1960's Donald Johnson Medley's great-grandson

70

Satori tango

Juan, by this time thoroughly “Brazilianized” but, in the family tradition still more than a bit rebellious, married a native woman who still lived with her tribe deep in the jungle. Juan brought his spirited new bride, who he had nicknamed Tango, to live in the family plantation house in spite of the protests of his brothers and sisters. Juan and Tango soon had a son that they named Juan Tomas in honor of her grandfather Tomas, who was the elder and shaman of her tribe. Young Juan Tomas, half Indian-half white Brazilian was treated as an outsider by everyone but his mother and father from the beginning and retreated into a sort of dreamy, solitary isolation.

71

Satori tango

To escape the pain of this rejection by Juan's community and family, Tango frequently took little Juan Tomas on trips into the jungle to visit her village and her grandfather. Here, Juan Tomas was warmly welcomed, especially by his grandfather who, as Tango looked on with a mixture of gratification and foreboding, was shaping the boy into his protege. When Juan Tomas was ten years old his father and mother were killed in a plane crash. Unable to bear the grief of their loss and the cruel treatment he received at the hands of his aunts and uncles, who wanted to "give him the opportunity" of moving back to the U.S. with a relative, a poor farmer and sometime preacher who lived in rural Mississippi that they were paying to take him off their hands, Juan Tomas ran away to Tango's village. There, his grandfather took him under his wing and taught him many things. There, he also discovered his homosexuality, which far from making him an outcast, instead served to intensify his strangeness, and validate the perception by the tribe that he was indeed a blossoming shaman. His grandfather, however, had other ideas. He told the boy that he would teach him most of what he knew but then told him that he must leave the jungle and 72

Satori tango

enter the modern world to complete his education and return to the tribe with this knowledge. No other member of the tribe was in a position to do this...because of his family ties to the U.S., he was. Reluctantly, Juan Tomas went back to the plantation and was shipped off to Mississippi. Juan Tomas' great-great-grandfather's brother's grandson, Rev. Jack Medley, worked a farm near Medusa Mississippi on the Gulf Coast near the Louisiana border, and was also a part time Evangelist, who, at the time of Juan Tomas' arrival, still conducted tent meetings and healings in the hopes of attracting enough attention to get his own local TV show. Juan Tomas, as well as the money he was being paid to take the boy in, seemed a godsend. Exotic, sensitive, talented and young (Juan Tomas was twelve at the time), the strange boy who spoke broken English with a combination Portuguese-southern accent could be his star attraction in the tent. Jack Medley had no knowledge of Juan Tomas apprenticeship with his grandfather, or that the boy actually was a healer. Jack Medley just wanted to make Juan Tomas into the next Televangelical Mega-Church phenomenon.

73

Satori tango

Rev. Medley had Juan Tomas ordained and put him on the stage. Things went extremely well for a time and in less than a year Juan Tomas was on television. But not for long. Evangelical faith healers in south Mississippi are not supposed to be homosexual. Juan Tomas ran away to San Francisco where he was soon taken in by a middle aged eccentric anthropology professor who became his lover and mentor. He yearned to return to the jungle but his new teacher convinced him that it was not yet time...his transformation and education in the ways of the modern, now post-modern, world was not complete Also, the professor recognized that Juan Tomas had learned well from his grandfather. For the next few years Juan Tomas learned to play both male and female roles with great skill and concluded that 74

Satori tango

the next step in his development was to begin the process of transforming his body into that of a woman. But not completely...the woman would still have a penis. The professor encouraged and paid for this. To acknowledge the many turns in the road that led to the emergence of this new person, Juan Tomas and the professor decided to name him/her Rev. Dona Juanita Medusa. Currently Rev. Dona Juanita Medusa is conducting a series of seminars in what he/she calls Alchemical Conjuration Technique (A.C.T.) which involves identifying and manipulating the masks of reality which block human transformation, health, creativity and genuine playfulness and enjoyment of life. A short visit to the jungle is in the planning stages.

---

75

Satori tango

13. Back to "dark matter"… "Actually. I think it makes a lot of sense," I replied. Crysta Bella poured more wine. "So what? Benny's in the 5th dimension looking for the meaning of life huh? Fuck no…he's probably down at Dixie Evans' stripper museum sniffing costumes…" "What if this "dark matter" this 5th dimension is what we've been calling the Freudian unconscious?", Dona Juanita stated matter of factly in that strange accent. 76

Satori tango

"Well if we're not conscious of it I guess it is the unconscious - duh…", slurred Crysta Bella, "Let's get back to locating Mr. Pristine." Unexpectedly, things were on the brink of making sense. Or, more likely, nonsense. Benny Pristine had "disappeared" and may be visiting Dixie Evans' place near Barstow. A location he seems drawn to. Dixie's property adjoins a military base where, she says, all sorts of peculiar things happen. Lights in the sky, Japanese men in dark glasses on "security" patrol, vague warnings. Sinister, suggestively alien or not, the whole scene oozes UFO mythology. And right next door to Exotic World and the strippers museum - let's throw in a little surrealist spin as well. Flying saucers on one side of the road and dozens of urns containing the ashes of long dead headliners on the other. I know this first hand because Dixie also has a "Bed and Breakfast" where museum visitors can spend the night. I spent the night. Breakfast with 80 year old Marilyn Monroe impersonator Dixie and her carny consort Charlie, both telling you about the "foreign little men" over at the base in one sentence and plans for the up-coming Miss Exotic World contest and their needing money to fix the cracks and leaks in the waterless swimming pool out back in the next, can transport the visitor to a rarely approached level of awareness of the nature of "ordinary" reality…a sudden slap in the face…a bucket of water over the head…a zen master's whack with his cane. Now the Rev. Dona Juanita Medusa, with his/her outlandish back story is reading an India Daily report about 77

Satori tango

extra-terrestrials and their vessels originating in "dark matter" and equating this with the Freudian unconscious. Perfect. How about a koan? "Why did the extraterrestrial cross the road?" "It left its boa on the ship and needed something to wear." Instant satori. O.K. so maybe that doesn't qualify as a koan. Maybe its just a bad joke. How about a haiku? Air conditioned stretch limo careens through the desert oblivious.

"Have you tried Benny's cell phone Crysta?"

78

Satori tango

"Of course Zeno…Jesus! All of his numbers are out of service. That’s what got me worried." She glared at me, "So why don't you call Dixie?" I looked up the Exotic World Burlesque Museum and dialed. Dixie's husky drawl caressed me through the phone. "Hey Dix…yeah…yeah…it's Zeno. Have you heard from cousin Benny lately? No, huh? Yeah…yeah…he's O.K. as far as I know. I just need to talk to him about something and he seems to be out of town. Yeah, yeah…I'm great honey…I'm gonna try to get down pretty soon. How's Charlie? Mild stroke huh? Is he O.K.? Yeah…I know he's a tough little monkey. O.K. Yeah…if you hear from Benny tell him to call me."

"No Benny?" "No Benny." "Maybe she's hiding something." Dona Juanita chimed in. 79

Satori tango

"Yeah Zeno, maybe she's covering for that fuck…" "Something I wanted to ask you Crysta." "Well ask away Zeno." "How did you find out about Benny's blog anyhow?" "What are you accusing me of Zeno?" "I'm not accusing you of anything. Just wondered. A Benny Pristine blog address, for Christ's sake, is not the kind of thing he would talk about. Not to the people he runs with. I wouldn't think." "You don't think he'd fill me in huh? What's the purpose of a fucking blog anyhow? Its on the goddammed internet!" Long silence. "O.K., O.K….After he didn't show up I went to his apartment. I picked the lock." "Very talented…so…?" "The computer was on. The blog page was up." "So you got the web address…" "Obviously Zeno." "Did you manage to pick up anything else while you were there?" "I found that manuscript I gave you already. And a file with some other stuff in it." "Well?" "Its in the car." Dona Juanita watched this exchange with agitation. "You're acting like a cop Mr. Murray." "Oh bullshit! She asked me to help her find this guy." 80

Satori tango

Crysta Bella headed for the door. "I'll get the file out of the car."

---

81

Satori tango

14. When Crysta Bella returned we got on my computer and went to Benny's blog. There were four new posts: BENNY PRISTINE'S BLOG Friday, August 19 Buddha Impersonator Only in Vegas right. Moondog knows this outfit that represents "Spiritual Entertainers" who impersonate famous religious figures and philosophers. You can hire Jesus, Plato, Loa Tzu, Deepak Chopra, Billy Graham, Alan Watts, Ramana Maharshi, etc. And, of course, The Buddha. Now these guys are supposed to be the real thing when it comes to their knowledge and 82

Satori tango

ability to enlighten. Seems strange but stranger things have happened. Its all in the spirit of things. Moondog hired the Buddha who was booked until midnight when he will join us. If this works and we actually find out anything from this guy I'm gonna have him back and call a bunch of people.

I told Moondog to get the Alan Watts impersonator over here too. I saw him a few times talking on his barge when I was in Sausalito in the late 60's. Dated some hippie chick and went with her. He seemed to know his shit but I forgot it all. Wasn't paying attention anyway. Just wanted to fuck Sugar Magnolia. You know. I did some reading before we left for here. Some things are beginning to dawn on me. Later. posted by Benny at 9:13 PM 0 comments The Suite Things could be worse. My client arranged a spectacular high roller suite for us in Vegas. Everything is comped. 24 hour service, ordering from all the restaurants, the works. Not like 83

Satori tango

Vegas back in the day on a lot of levels. Can't tell you which hotel. Security considerations after that last thing. We could have all been dead. I guess that's one way to find out the meaning of life. The gang's all here, me, QC, Moondog, Rosebud and Julio, our driver, of course. Things look a little different from this POV. Christ, I could get used to this. QC and Moondog have some people coming over later. This makes a great hide-out. A regular pirate's cove. Robbers roost. A TAZ… posted by Benny at 1:33 PM 0 comments Thursday, August 18 Grifter guru It was all a trick. A scam designed to rip off my client, not to mention make me look like a fool. Unfortunately, QC, Moondog and Rosebud were also messed with but they were better prepared to deal with the mind fuck involved. They know the territory. I met the grifter guru, God's pickpocket.

84

Satori tango

I guess I shouldn't be surprised given the kinds of questions I'm out there asking. There must be a well hooked up mafia of wise and holy men...and women...who see the spiritually needy coming. Especially the well heeled ones. More details soon. I'm hard to reach right now. Got new numbers on my phones. To the woman I stood up again...I'm really sorry honey...I'll be in touch. posted by Benny at 1:54 PM 0 comments Monday, August 01 I found it! I found it! More later. posted by Benny at 10:29 AM 0 comments

---

85

Satori tango

15. Crysta Bella was the first to speak. "They've all gone nuts!" The Rev. Dona Juanita Medusa was clearly captivated by what he/she could imagine was going on in Vegas. Crysta Bella poured more wine. "I can imagine that slut Rosebud blowing the Buddha in some casino penthouse while…" I opened the file that Crysta Bella had found at Benny's. Unusual and varied material. He was doing his diligence all right. I laid the pages out on my dining room table and the three of us had a look. Dona Juanita snagged one document in particular and read it out loud, "Top o' the Rio, Ma! Staff writer Todd Witcher got into a place most of us won't: It wasn't the Palazzo Suites themselves that surprised me. The luxury suites at the Rio are enormous, about the size of a house, and opulent. The dining room was sumptuous. The living room was big enough to double as a tennis court, and the fireplace was wide enough to roast a few pigs in. There also was the expected array of high-tech control pads and stainless-steel kitchen appliances. I had walked a mile through the Rio without seeing a single sign for the Palazzo Suites—clearly the idea was that if you had to ask, you probably didn't need to know. "Well, I guess we know where they are…"

86

Satori tango

Crysta Bella, with sleazy intonations, read from another page, "EXOTIC WORLD BURLESQUE MUSEUM… In the entire Exotic World collection, perhaps no single treasure is more valuable than the museum's current curator and proprietress (a position she's held since 1989), Miss Dixie Evans. In this capacity, Dixie lovingly watches over the world's most venerable stash of g-strings, pasties, photographs, and other memorabilia from the golden age of "Bump-&-Grind".

"MISS DIXIE EVANS… A former Striptease Queen herself, Dixie was widely billed as the "Marilyn Monroe of Burlesque," a title bestowed upon her personally by legendary promoter and theatre-owner, Harold Minsky. Following the death of her friend and fellow exotic dancer, Jennie Lee (the original founder of Exotic World), Evans took up the mantel as keeper of the Burley-Q flame.

87

Satori tango

"Now in her mid-70's, the eternally saucy and more-thanoccasionally boa-clad Miss Dixie personally guides all visitors through the collection -- often slipping into her breathy, signature Marilyn impression -- while expertly extrapolating on the lives and loves of many of the performers featured in the "Striptease Hall of Fame". Crysta Bella took a couple of beats and then continued. "Maybe we should get our asses down there, pick up Dixie and her Marilyn Impersonation and take her to meet the Buddha and maybe Jesus on the Strip…" Dona Juanita and I went through the other documents while Crysta Bella tried to write a hostile email to Benny through a link on his blog.

---

88

Satori tango

16. BENNY'S FILE TAZ by Hakim Bey Essential Reading For Anyone Who Thinks, So… Review by Gordon Smith And I think so. But most people aren't spending their days searching for the answers that are found in this book. Most would either be bored or afraid of something as profound and relevant to everyday life as TAZ. TAZ stands for Temporary Autonomous Zone: that place where we are free from influence of ALL outside forces, left with only our selves unobstructed. Scary, huh? Obviously, this is a niche book. Good for

89

Satori tango

awakening the minds of those who are already partly awake. But not much else. Fragments from THE TEMPORARY AUTONOMOUS ZONE (TAZ) By Hakim Bey ...this time however I come as the victorious Dionysus, who will turn the world into a holiday...not that I have much time... Nietzsche (from his last "insane" letter to Cosima Wagner) Pirate Utopias THE SEA-ROVERS AND CORSAIRS of the 18th century created an "information network" that spanned the globe: primitive and devoted primarily to grim business, the net nevertheless functioned admirably.

Scattered throughout the net were islands, remote hideouts where ships could be watered and provisioned, booty traded for

90

Satori tango

luxuries and necessities. Some of these islands supported "intentional

communities,"

whole

mini-societies

living

consciously outside the law and determined to keep it up, even if only for a short but merry life. The first step is somewhat akin to satori--the realization that the TAZ begins with a simple act of realization. The TAZ as festival. Stephen Pearl Andrews once offered, as an image of anarchist society, the dinner party, in which all structure of authority dissolves in conviviality and celebration. Vital in shaping TAZ reality is the concept of psychic nomadism

(or

as

we

jokingly

call

it,

"rootless

cosmopolitanism"). The drift. The TAZ desires above all to avoid mediation, to experience its existence as immediate. The very essence of the affair is "breast-to-breast" as the sufis say, or face-to-face. But, BUT: the very essence of the Web is mediation. Machines here are our ambassadors--the flesh is irrelevant except as a terminal, with all the sinister connotations of the term.

91

Satori tango

Excerpted from Amazon review by M. Jeffrey McMahon In MEDIATED (at one time titled The Flattered Self), Thomas De Zengotita shows how a media-saturated culture has created a new breed of narcissists-namely you and me. He makes a great case for the fact that we have become, thanks to the media, more like full-time actors than real humans. All of us, he says, have learned from television "method acting," so that a media person could stick a microphone in front of any Average Joe and that Average Joe would be able to give a polished interview. We're all competing to be the star in a world of wannabe celebrities.

92

Satori tango

He does a good job of showing how television gives us a God's-eye view of everything so that we have a delusion of omniscience and this false power fuels our delusions of grandeur. Additionally, this God's-eye view spoils us so that we can't live in stillness and see life in the here and now but only media's cheap, hyped representations of life. This unhealthy quest for god-hood, he shows, has taken shape in the popularity of Reality TV shows, which feed our sense of entitlement, self-pity, and our narcissistic wish to be recognized over others. By showing how our inability to embrace true heroes connects to our obsession with making ourselves into pseudo heroes, Zengotita has found an original, sometimes funny, and always profound way to make us look at the way the media is shaping our psyches and our souls.

The following ideas are paraphrased from: "Finite and Infinite Games - A Vision of Life as Play and Possibility" by James P. Carse There are at least two kinds of games: finite and infinite. A finite game is a game that has fixed rules and boundaries, that is played for the purpose of winning and thereby ending the game. 93

Satori tango

An infinite game has no fixed rules or boundaries. In an infinite game you play with the boundaries and the purpose is to continue the game.

Finite players are serious; infinite games are playful. Finite players try to control the game, predict everything that will happen, and set the outcome in advance. They are serious and determined about getting that outcome. They try to fix the future based on the past. Infinite players enjoy being surprised. Continuously running into something one didn't know will ensure that the game will

94

Satori tango

go on. The meaning of the past changes depending on what happens in the future.

All finite games have rules. If you follow the rules you are playing the game. If you don't follow the rules you aren't playing. If you move the pieces in different ways in chess, you are no longer playing chess. There is no rule that says you have to follow the rules. Infinite players play with rules and boundaries. They include them as part of their playing. They aren't taking them seriously, and they can never be trapped by them, because they use rules and boundaries to play with. In a theatrical play the actor knows that he really isn't Hamlet. The audience knows that he really isn't Hamlet. But if he does a good job, Hamlet can express himself through the actor. The playing is most enjoyable when it is both clear that it is chosen play, that it is the actor doing it voluntarily, and at the same 95

Satori tango

time it is so convincing, following the rules well enough that it seems real. You can play finite games within an infinite game. You can not play infinite games within a finite game. You can do what you do seriously, because you must do it, because you must survive to the end, and you are afraid of dying and other consequences. Or, you can do everything you do playfully, always knowing you have a choice, having no need to survive the way you are, allowing every element of the play to transform you, taking pleasure in every surprise you meet. Those are the differences between finite and infinite players.

The Sims Game (Ordinary Life Computer Simulation) From the Manufacturer (as found on Amazon) In the The Sims 2, you direct your Sims over a lifetime and mix their genes from one generation to the next. You set your Sims' goals in life; fame, fortune, family, romance or knowledge. Give them a long, successful existence or leave their lives in shambles. Take them to extremes, from getting busted to seeing a ghost, from marrying an alien to writing a great novel. Unleash your creativity with the all-new Create-A-Sim feature, new building options, and the new in-game movie camera. Get

96

Satori tango

ready to mix their genes, fulfill their dreams, and push them to extremes. What do you want to do with your Sims' lives? •

Mix Genes: Your Sims have DNA and inherit physical

and personality traits. Take your Sims through an infinite number of generations as you evolve their family tree. •

Fulfill Dreams: Your Sims now have purpose in life. Do

they aspire to a life of fame, fortune, family, knowledge, or romance? It's up to you to decide if they will be a lover or a loser, a prince or a pauper, a fool or a mastermind, and many other choices. Give them what they want and they'll lead a long, successful existence; indulge their fears and risk ruining their lives. It's all in your hands. •

Push The Extremes: Will your Sims be left at the altar

and need a shrink, or inherit a fortune and become filthy rich? Witness the big moments that make every Sim's life uniquely memorable. •

Unlimited Creativity: Generate unique Sims with the new

Create-A-Sim, packed with a vast selection of facial features, hairstyles, and outfits. Build dream homes and design neighborhoods with new building, design, and home furnishing options.

97

Satori tango

• Revolutionary Movie-making: Make your own Sim films with the all-new movie-making feature. Create the cast, set the stage, take control of the camera, and capture your own screenplay in action. Zoom in close to record every detail as your very own Sims sitcom unfolds.

Cinemorphics™ or Alternate Construct Training (A.C.T.) or The Method by Charles Webb Life is a movie. The world is not made of atoms, it is made of characters and their stories. Lon Chaney

98

Satori tango

What is Cinemorphics™? Cinemorphics™

is

the

science

and art of changing,

transforming, transmuting the construct known as the ego, persona, self...what someone thinks of when asked to describe himself or herself...one's idea of oneself...from one form into another, by making use of the methods and techniques of acting and movie making. Bodily changes may also be addressed or result from this change in the psyche. Emotional and physical health may be improved.

If you think you are and everybody else thinks you are, then you are. Jean Genet What can Cinemorphics™ do for me? Such changes may be sought for a number of reasons...to fix some problem either physical or psychological...for serious personal growth or just as a form of play. 99

Satori tango

When someone asks, who are you?, your response may include your name, age, sex, race, height, weight, hair and eye color, where you live, whether you are married or not, whether you have children, what you do for a living, your hobbies, your likes and dislikes, your religious beliefs, your hopes, fears, hang-ups, skills, etc. If pushed, you could produce an exhaustive "character" description of all of the things that, when combined, make up what you take to be you. You identify with this description, this construct.

This description of who you take yourself to be...your ego...includes genetic, biological and physical components as well as culturally conditioned, learned and psychologically "shaped" components. Most of these components have been assembled over a long period of time without your intervention. (e.g. you were born with black hair and learned to speak Spanish growing up.) Some you believe you have intentionally cultivated (e.g. you decided to learn to play the guitar and make 100

Satori tango

your living as a musician). In many cases the distinction between which of your attributes were come by intentionally and which were thrust upon you by nature or nurture is very blurry. In any case, this description of who you think you really are, this construct with which you identify, can be looked at in another way. If written out, your description of yourself reads like a character description in a movie script, play or novel. Consider yourself a fictitious character that has been devised by the haphazard, natural forces of ordinary life in the world but which you have believed is the real and only you. Now that you realize that this "you" that you can observe and describe is very much like a character in a movie, consider the possibilities. If your life is a movie and you are the star, lets have a look at how your character was written...to a great extent not by you...and how you are being directed...also in many cases not by you. If you don't like what you see, demand a rewrite. Your character...your self...is not written in stone. It is malleable and can be re-written, then rehearsed and performed by you...at first with the collaboration of and direction by a professional and then by you alone. You can also learn to be your own best, most discerning audience, write your own reviews...decide what is working and what is not. You become the producer, the star performer, the critic. You learn how to take charge. 101

Satori tango

How do I do this? Either through a series of one on one sessions, or one or more intensive workshops. What follows is an overview of how these sessions and workshops are conducted. You will be asked to provide a brief medical and psychological history and a summary of what you want to accomplish by using this process. The director of the sessions or workshop will describe the types and levels of change that Cinemorphics™ can provide, outline the procedures of, as well as the dangers inherent in the process. You will then write a short character synopsis of "you"...your character as you now see it...which will be reviewed, discussed and then re-scripted, rehearsed and then performed, first in the private session or workshop environment and then in ordinary, day to day surroundings. Videotape will be used as a feedback device in these rehearsal and performance stages. During the course of the sessions you will possibly have assignments to do which relate to certain components of your new character. (e.g., if you decide that your new character speaks French, you could be directed to take a course in French. Or, you may simply be directed to go shopping...finally buy that intriguing hat you always thought would make you look mysterious, but always put off getting.)

102

Satori tango

Following the rehearsal/performance/audience stage, you and your director will evaluate the effectiveness of your re-written character and your enactment of it...whether it "plays" or needs more development.

You mentioned levels of change? There is no hierarchy of levels in Cinemorphics™ (i.e. one level is not higher or better than another). There are, however, amounts of change that are possible depending on what you want to accomplish. For example, your character synopsis may include shyness which you eliminate in your re-write. This may be the only thing you want to change and the only thing you work on.

103

Satori tango

When you are successful, of course, this one change can affect everything else in your life. Or, your character synopsis may include obesity and shyness which interact. Your new character is thin and flamboyant. You must work on both aspects of this in order to be able to play the part. In this case physical change must accompany rehearsal and "method" acting of flamboyant scenarios. Or, you may want to make a more comprehensive change... be re-written and directed in identifying with and performing a character very different than the one you are playing at the beginning of the process. This could involve changing your name, your hair color, your wardrobe, your job, your routines, your skills, your "image", the way you conduct personal relationships, etc. You turn yourself into a work of art. Also, studies have shown that behavioral changes can result in physiological

changes…heart

rate,

blood

pressure,

neurochemistry, etc. Or, after realizing that who you think you really are is simply a construct that you have identified with, a fictitious character that can be altered and performed, a tool that you use as you live your life, you may begin to dig deeper and ask more basic questions. Who am I really...who or what identifies with this fictitious character I have taken to be myself.

Who is the

observer...the witness to all this...who is making the changes in 104

Satori tango

the character I am playing now? These are extremely significant questions and exploring them can be enlightening as well as fun. The ego is just the dream of the Witness, the film that the Witness creates..., simply so it will have something to watch at the movies. Ken Wilber What about dangers? Individuals with certain medical conditions and diagnoses of certain types of mental illness should not use Cinemorphics™ alone as a tool for change. Conventional medical approaches and psychotherapy need to be used prior to and in conjunction with Cinemorphics™ in these cases. Also, when someone significantly changes even one aspect of themselves and their life, everything else changes as well. A prudent consideration of this must be taken before you decide to re-construct yourself. Be careful what you're dreaming...soon your dream'll be dreaming you. Willie Nelson

105

Satori tango

Can you point to examples of the Cinemorphic effect in everyday life? As

we

look

around

our

increasingly

post-modern

culture...particularly via the media...we can begin to identify powerful examples of the effect. Many movie stars and other celebrities have very effectively gone through this process. Character creation techniques are utilized extensively off the screen as well as on. The process is evident in the political and business arena and is used by con-men, criminals and spies to great effect...and pro-wrestlers. Post-operative transsexuals take the Cinemorphic process to one of its extremes...physical sex change as well as persona identity change. Thousands use aliases and conjure up alternate personalities in internet chat rooms and role playing games. Hundreds of thousands make a geographic change, introduce themselves with a new nickname and experiment with being a new person in a new location. You, yourself, have probably experienced becoming a "different person" on vacation, particularly in a foreign country. As you become aware of the effect you will begin to see it everywhere, applied unconsciously and unsystematically in most cases.

---

106

Satori tango

17. It got late. Crysta Bella and the Rev. Dona Juanita Medusa spent the night at my place. We were all a little stoned on events, wine and the jungle substances provided by Dona Juanita. This led to some interesting occurrences during the night. Around noon we decided to head for Vegas. We would pick Dixie up on the way. She needed to be part of what was about to occur. Add some earthy reality to the occasion. We checked Benny's blog one more time before we left in case Crysta's email had made it to him and he had anything to pass along.

107

Satori tango

Saturday, August 20 Moondog's post The "Buddha" and "Alan Watts" are still here. Moondog wants to post something. Then I have a thing or two to say myself. The universe is made of stories, not quarks or strings. We live in a narrative universe. The characters we take to be "ourselves", our personas, our egos, are fictitious. The scenarios these characters are embedded in are fictitious. All is fiction.

108

Satori tango

We can collaborate (or feel as if we are collaborating)…rewrite ourselves and our story. The freedom we feel to do this is also a fiction. As long as we are "inside" the story…inside the dream…this does not matter. We can act "as if" and it feels like our own creation, even though we know we are not the doer. Acting "as if' is the method. There is no doer. What we take to be real has no ontological "weight". This is all a cosmic game. When we "get it" we can flip in and out of this perception…this identification. Just witness the process of creating this. All that is Real is THAT which creates IT. Everything else is fictitious. Including time. There is only Now. Consciousness is primary…the ground of Being. The universe as we know it is presented to us through consciousness. Perception is constructed, shaped by genetics, physiology, learning, language. Physical reality is quantum chaos until it is collapsed by consciousness. Holographic? Interference patterns created by intersection of "background" consciousness and individual consciousness? Consciousness replaces light in holographic configuration? Yours truly, 109

Satori tango

Hieronymous Moondog Now its my turn. I have realized that I am a fictitious character. An illusion. I am not a "doer". Somebody else..."my" source...is doing through me. So I guess I am that source in some way. I would like to hear from you Mr. Source. I seem to "exist" right now on the internet. My email address is: [email protected]. Fill me in you bastard.

Sorry I had to split like that Crysta. Why don't you guys join us here at the Rio. I know you've probably hooked up with Zeno by now and God knows who else. You'll be expected. Love, Benny posted by Benny at 11:05 AM

110

Satori tango

We headed for Enlightenment in Vegas by way of the Exotic World of Burlesque Museum.

---

111

Satori tango

18. (I have been keeping up with Benny Pristine's Blog, obviously, and, to some extent, with the "doings" of the other characters in the story. Benny's unsolicited and surprising request that I email him is very moving. Once a character is out there, there's no telling what will happen. My exchange with Benny is presented below - in reverse order. Then we return to the pilgrimage South. CW)

112

Satori tango

From:

[email protected]

Subject:

Re: Your request

Date:

August 20, 3:16:18 PM PDT

To:

[email protected]

Well far fucking out! I can't wait to see what I'll be doing. I'm sick of sitting here at this computer. I'm going back to the party. Did you make me write that? Benny --- Charles Webb wrote:

Benny, You sound pissed that you're out there in the world having all those adventures. Christ! I gave

113

Satori tango

you a suite at the Rio, not to mention all the other stuff, money, women, fame and all, over the years. Would you rather I just kill you off or something? Only kidding. Its not time for that yet. Have fun! And give my regards to the whole gang. I think the next 24 hours will be a real treat for everybody there. CW On Aug 20, at 3:01 PM, Benny Pristine wrote: Well wonder of wonders. There is somebody out there. I feel like I'm talking to myself. What the fuck do you mean I've "taken on a life of my own"? You tricky bastard. Moondog said this could happen. You may be fooling yourself into thinking that I can do my own thing, but you know damn well that I'm just like a dream figure. Maybe you get your rocks off by playing this little game of hide and seek. Pretending that me...and all the others here...are not really just you play acting. But you can't fool old Benny. Fuck! Now how can I be saying that and really believing it. Are you happy now? Don't hesitate to stay in touch. And you might send a quick hello to Moondog, QC and The others too. Benny Pristine

114

Satori tango

--- Charles Webb wrote: Hi BP, I must say that your recognition of what's happening was something of a wake-up call to me as well. No pun intended. Its true that I had something to do with making you the "character" (and I mean this in several ways) that you are today and putting you in certain situations. You would probably say that where I often put you is "in the jackpot". In any case, you seem to have taken on a life of your own. Do let me know what its like being you. CW

---

115

Satori tango

19. Crysta Bella and I drafted the Rev. Dona Juanita Medusa's Anthropology professor lover, and mentor as designated driver and proceeded to stock his Cadillac Escalade for the journey. Plenty of food, drink, Gerry Garcia strength pot, Tom Waits, Willie Nelson and Frank Sinatra CDs (we were headed for Las Vegas after all). We headed for I-5 then Barstow to pick up Dixie and her boyfriend Charlie. The Escalade quickly filled with mood altering smoke and music. I had brought along a stack of tabloids - The Weekly World News and The Star - that I had contributed to in case we needed reading matter. Dona Juanita came up with a game to help pass the time. She called it tabloid 116

Satori tango

haiku. The idea was to take a tabloid headline and turn it into a haiku. Insight and realization would follow this "tantric exercise" he/she insisted. Here are some of the tabloid haiku we came up with: Fat-sucking vampires claim two hundred and fifty nine lives in Lima.

Cannibal chief eats mail order brides in New Guinea. Cops launch man-hunt.

Istanbul business tycoon is killed by flying carpet. Son observes. 117

Satori tango

Fisherman uses Barbie Doll as bass lure. “Drives the big ones crazy.”

Sexually pawed by a love-crazed smelly Big-foot. Chased, kissed and stripped.

Man knocks himself out with boomerang. Sues himself. Wins three hundred k.

Lobster pinches wide-eyed socialite’s boob in ritzy Paris bistro.

Cincinnati corpse bursts into flames and burns antique hearse in strange blaze. 118

Satori tango

Corpse checkmates two morgue attendants in Havana. “Miguel not dead yet!”

Weirdo breaks into gal’s apartments to brush their teeth. Complaints increase.

Woman burned to a crisp in hair spray tragedy. Wichita cops shocked.

119

Satori tango

1918 news clipping shows time traveler with cellular phone.

Man posing as alien conned gals into free trip to home planet.

Couple mangled when penile implant explodes during sex. Wedding night.

120

Satori tango

Crippled man arrested for drunk driving in his wheelchair in Hamburg.

Human skunk to wed man with no nose! Stinking coed has rare disease.

Belgian guide kills pygmysize alien. Skin was “like fried potatoes”.

Neighbors call cops on staggering, beer-guzzling, chain smoking three year old.

- - 121

Satori tango

20. We turned off of I-5 and headed for Exotic World and Dixie. We had been seeing signs for miles, nailed to poles in the Mojave, advertising Donna's Rest Stop. . . Eats, Gas, Cold Cherry Soda, Rattlesnake Farm. At last, we saw a final sign. . . Donna's Next Exit. The rest stop was about a mile from the Interstate down a dusty, unpaved road. Two gas pumps were situated in front of a squat, one storey concrete building. The building had no windows. A steel door exactly in its center was closed against the heat. A large number of cages housing rattlesnakes and lizards were placed about the parking area. A wooden sign had been attached to one of the cages. . . Educational! See The Snakes. Wildlife Of The Desert. Donation 50 Cents. A pink neon sign buzzed on and off in the stillness, contrasting sharply with the faded, pale blue paint of the building.

122

Satori tango

We parked beside one of the gas pumps and turned off the engine. We waited. No one appeared. The professor honked the horn. . . nothing. Plumes of smoke curled into the overheated desert air as we opened the doors of the Escalade. We all got out of the SUV and wobbled toward the steel door. As I opened the door, ice cold air gushed into our faces. Someone yelled for us to close the door. It was very dark inside. The ceiling seemed extremely low. We could not see at first. A female voice crackled from the darkness. "What can I do for ya?" "Gas. . . we need gas. And something to drink. . ." A small man shuffled past us out the door toward the Escalade. We all eagerly moved to the bar. A huge woman in a pink mumu greeted us. A man of indeterminate age dressed in exaggerated cowboy garb sat at the end of the bar sipping a beer. There was a pool table in the center of the room and a juke box against one wall. There was a sign above the door at the opposite end of the room. . . Donna's Museum, Special Exhibits, $1.00. Donna looked us over then asked, "Want something to drink? Sure is hot outside." I ordered. "Four beers please." 123

Satori tango

"What kind of beer do you want?" The professor spoke up. ''How about some Heinekins." "All we got is Carta Blanca - is Carta Blanca OK?" We all answered at once. "Sure." Donna brought the beers and then went over to the juke box. "What do you folks want to hear?" "Oh. . . I don't know. . ." Dona Juanita wandered toward Donna. "It's on the house you know." Nobody answered. We all sucked at our beers. Donna turned away from us and punched several buttons, then returned to the bar. Frank Sinatra's voice filled the room. Crysta Bella looked toward the door of Donna's Museum. "What kind of special exhibits?" Crysta Bella inquired.

124

Satori tango

Donna's eyes lit up and she grinned. "Oh you know honey. . . natural oddities. . . things they don't tell you about in school. . ." We paid Donna the four dollars and she escorted us into the museum. Several huge glass bottles filled with liquid were lined up on a table in the center of the room. Naked blue light bulbs dangled from the ceiling on plastic extension cords. The professor stared intently at the contents of one of the bottles. "What's this?" "Why that's a sheepchile honey. . .brought it all the way from Kentucky with me twenty years ago." "Sheepchild?" "Why sure. My uncle screwed this old bitch sheep that we used to have on our place. She went off and dropped it up in the hills. Would have lived except that we didn't find it for two days. Killed that old whore in the spring. . . mighty good barbeque." "I saw one of these once in Mississippi." Dona Juanita seemed lost in a memory. We left the museum after looking at the other exhibits, which included a preserved head and a thirteen inch penis that Donna claimed had been cut from a famous gangster just after he was executed. As we were walking to my car, a semi pulled into the rest stop for gas. The brakes on the truck failed at the last 125

Satori tango

moment and it careened into several of the cages, scattering rattlesnakes and lizards into the dusty air. Donna ran into the parking lot screaming for the safety of her snakes and lizards and trying to collect them as they slithered off into the desert.

---

126

Satori tango

21. We finally arrived at Exotic World. Even though I had been there several times, I never seem to be able to find it by following the directions on the first try. I sometimes think that Exotic World exists in some kind of vortex. It moves around. The Escalade glided under the rusted out iron arch over the entrance and into the compound - three single storey concrete block buildings which house the museum, Dixie's house and "Bed and Breakfast" and the "Nightclub." Several mobile homes were parked here and there. These were usually inhabited by aging performers, down on their luck - Dixie's version of a stripper's old age home. Dixie greeted us in boa clad grand style and gave us the obligatory tour of the museum. The professor was most intrigued, "from an Anthropological point of view" and asked if he could return for an in depth look. Dixie, of course, ate this up, and insisted that the professor could stay for free in one of her rooms for as long as his next field trip required. This amused Dona Juanita greatly.

127

Satori tango

Dixie and Charlie knew a short cut through the desert to Vegas. We decided to get something to eat at a truck stop on the main highway before heading off down the two lane blacktop that Charlie suggested. "Better watch out. . ." our waitress admonished as we left the truck stop, "lotsa folks never been seen or heard from again after taking that road. Die in the desert. Some mighty odd things happen out there. . . better be careful. . ." Dixie and Charlie just brushed this off. They knew this country "like the back of their hands."

---

128

Satori tango

22. We knew we had probably taken a wrong turn when the road narrowed to one lane, then ended. We could see a small group of buildings a few hundred yards away so we got out of the SUV and walked. The buildings were obscured by a haze of brown smoke and the smell of burning rubber penetrated the dry, hot air. As we got closer we could see that the buildings were actually ramshackle house trailers, rusting and decaying on cracked cinder blocks. There were three trailers in all, but only one of them exhibited signs of life. The door and windows of this trailer were open and a radio played faintly inside. Muted country music filtered into the desert air and mingled with the smoke from hundreds of smoldering, worn out tires, which were piled in large heaps here and there. The carcasses of 129

Satori tango

dozens of wrecked cars were scattered around the group of trailers. A shiny new motorcycle stood in the doorway of the only actual building on the place, a dilapidated wooden barn. The wind gusted slightly, blowing dust and sand into our faces as we

began to look around for a bathroom. Crysta Bella

almost stepped on a scorpion, its tail erect and poised to strike. I caught her just in time and crushed the scorpion with my boot. I called out. . . there was no reply. . . then another sound. . . a man singing in Spanish. The singing was coming from behind the barn. We cautiously made our way past cases of empty beer bottles and piles of broken glass. We turned the corner of the barn and stood frozen. . .staring at what we saw. A nude man, brown and leathery, was nailed to the back wall of the barn. His feet dangled several feet above the ground. His arms were outstretched on either side of his head and his hands were fixed to the wooden wall with steel spikes.

130

Satori tango

Blood oozed from the torn flesh of his palms and his belly had been pierced by an arrow. Threads of vomit protruded from his lips onto his chest. The man was conscious. . . singing drunkenly as he urinated, splattering his own legs and the earth in front of us. Uncharacteristically, no one said a word. We heard a siren in the distance. The man was not aware of us. The professor gagged and ran back toward the car.

First Dona Juanita, then the rest of us, followed. A sheriff's car and a pick-up truck pulled to a stop and several people got out. The professor and Dona Juanita got into the Escalade and shut the door. The sheriff and a man carrying a medical bag ignored us and dashed off toward the barn. An Indian woman in tattered clothing got out of the pick-up and followed them. She giggled at us, eyes wild, as she passed. Another man slowly got out of 131

Satori tango

the sheriff's car and limped over to where we stood. He shook his head and spoke slowly. "Well. . .looks like Dolores done gone and crucified Ramon again. Damned crazy Mexicans . . never learn that religion and beer just don't mix. . . no siree. . ."

The man's voice trailed off as he walked away toward the barn. We drove away in silence. Finally, Dona Juanita spoke. "Tantric. A test. Illusion." No one responded. We crossed into Nevada at dusk. The floor of the desert was completely flat and littered with small round cactus and tumbleweed. The wind picked up, driving herds of tumbleweed

132

Satori tango

before it like stampeding cattle. A thin purple mist hung close to the ground and parted as we sped through. We moved up into the hills and finally reached the pass at the summit. Las Vegas lay before us in the black desert far below, a shimmering precious stone. There was no moon.

---

133

Satori tango

23. Benny's suite in the Palazzo Tower of the Rio has been decorated for a grand occasion. Musicians have been flown in from Buenos Aires. All are present. Benny, Moondog, Quantum Coyote, Rosebud Peru, Julio the driver, Zeno Murray, Crysta Bella, The Rev. Dona Juanita Medusa and the professor, Dixie Evans and Charlie, The Buddha impersonator, the Alan Watts impersonator, several Elvis impersonators, Orson Welles, the Client's casino host, a small army of tuxedo clad waiters,

134

Satori tango

showgirls, dealers, Cirque du Soleil performers, celebrities, etc. In short, a vast and strange collection of "Characters". A female voice with a slight French accent (The Client?) is heard briefly above the buzz of the crowd. "In certain dances and especially in Tango, the appearance of two dancers is only an illusion - the two are not two, but a sensuous, perpetually moving, changing One - inseparable and outside of time…never stopping…. " At midnight the orchestra begins a Tango. Penetrating and seductive. The crowd goes silent. All turn in unison - entrained, like a leaderless flock of birds - with one mind. The entire group dances extravagantly, with one motion, in pairs, but all gliding and swaying in such synchrony and rapture that the effect is one of unnatural creepiness as well as utter beauty simultaneously frightening and exquisite. This continues until dawn and on into the next day…. Some time later Benny made a final post to his blog: I've heard that Isadora Duncan once said, "If I could tell you what that meant, there would be no sense in dancing it." Miles might have replied, "Yeah - don't play what's there - play what's not there." 135

Satori tango

If you ask, "What is the meaning of life?" you then have to ask, "Is there a meaning of life?" followed by, "Why is there a meaning of life?" to which the only answer is, "Who wants to know?" The secret is not to ask stupid questions. MR. NATURAL (R. CRUMB)

---

136

Satori tango

www.satoritango.blogspot.com [email protected]

137

Satori tango

***

138