Sample Student Notes

Isa— Your writing was good Isa; logical organized, detailed, but your formatting needs work. Your grade would be higher if I looked just at the writing, but unfortunately in an academic setting, format is very important. Format Title in wrong place Title and topic sentence the same: remember a title doesn’t have a verb. No double space Grammar Preposition (for) Articles You didnt have that many grammar mistakes. At one point, although, I didn’t understand the meaning of one of your sentences. Development Missing conclusion Other paragraphs were strong. You used food details and examples. Eliane— Try not to repeat ideas, for example, you said twice how you took a vacation last summer to Araiail D’juda. You have some good vocabulary, although sometimes you don’t use it correctly— example: litoral view—litoral is a noun  littoral is the adjective See also one phrase I din’t understand and try to write it over. You used a comma before ‘because’! ; ) Your writing is good because of the details, vocab and grammar, and for the most part sentence structure. Your writing is weakened by repetition, instructions and sometimes too many details, ones that don’t belong in the paragraph because they don’t fit the topic. Some of your strengths are also your weaknesses: vocab & details

Xiomarra— You know what I like about your writing: the emotion. Especially the part about taking the photograph. You explain your feelings really well. You’re having some problems with the grammar; specifically: Past tense Quoting other people—format You have some spelling errors too—some translated from Spanish; others no Do you use the dictionary when you write? You should. You have to try harder to think in English because your writing has a lot of translation errors. Think with the rules of this language. One last thing; paragraphs were maybe too long. Keep each paragraph about one idea and that will help you focus better Marcos— Excellent paper: organization, direction following, sentences, grammar, topic focus were Strong. You had one little problem with the past tense (see near end). Besides that, look at the end of your second paragraph to see how you start losing focus of the topic of the paragraph. That was the only time I saw something like that Daniela— Some good things: your paper is organized, there is a good introduction with a strong topic sentence, each of the paragraphs is about one topic and are related to the other paragraphs, you use a good transition for you conclusion, and you write good cause and effect sentences. Some bad things: you have a problem with subjects; some of your sentences don’t have them. A couple of times you forgot to use the verb to be: one particularly with an adjective When you translate from Portuguese, some of your sentences sound unnatural: see: Reach a professional fulfillment. And finally, the reason I gave you a C ( should be at least a B) was because you didn’t follow the instructions. The instructions were to write an essay about something that happened to you in the past. Your paragraph talks about the past, present and future.

Raul, Your topic was very interesting, especially because I have never been on a warshp before. It sounds like you had an interesting and exciting experience. Your writing is organized and logical. It develops well; your paragraphs have a purpose. Also, you use good examples. I would like to see some more descriptions using adjectives for example to describe things and your emotions. Here is a breakdown of your grammar: • • • • • • • • •

4 tense problems: past, past progressive Topic sentence and conlusion are a little weak You had 2 places where a sentence didn’t belong in the paragraph 1 error with word order 5 spelling errors! 2 incomplete sentences 1 subject-verb agreement error 2 preposition errors 2 article errors

Oscar— You chose a good topic to write about. The ideas for a good essay are there, but you don’t develop the paragraphs enough. Your topic sentences are good, but you don’t have enough details to follow them. I also saw some problems with the format: missing title, no double-spaces, etc., On the otherhand, your grammar was pretty good, except for some fragments (incomplete sentences). Watch those! Gwi— I liked half of your writing Gwi. I mean, you begin paragraphs extremely well. You use a good, general topic sentence. However, you don’t develop the paragraph. In other \ words, you don’t sue enough examples. For example, you say: their language was rude and harsh… How? What did they say? Be specific. This would make it a lot better.

Rozan— I really liked your writing especially the way you made it into a story. Your creativity is one of your strong points. You use a lot of good details as well. I thought your conclusion was probably the strongest part of the essay. You have only a few grammar mistakes, which is good. You shold focus more on making the paragraphs all about one topic. That would make your writing a lot better. Also, try to develop your vocabulary a bit more. Find synonyms for simple adjectives like: big, long, tired etc., and utilize them in your writing. Maria— I like the emotion in your paragraph. That is something you can’t teach to someone, so that is a good thing about your writing. Your grammar also is very strong. I didn’t find that many mistakes. Things you need to work on are making your topic sentences stronger and keeping your paragraphs all about one topic. Look at some of the suggestions I made and let me know if you have any questions.