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Awsome Opening Lines/Paragraphs
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The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Awsome Opening Lines/Paragraphs Pages (3):
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Who posted?
lou reeds banana Feb 20, 2007
MMAgCh posted: I was, of course, well aware of the myth stating that the memory span of a goldfish lasts only three seconds; and that, because a goldfish takes much longer than three seconds to die outside of water, to it its entire existence would seem to have been comprised of nothing but the agonizing struggle of suffocation, that all it could remember of its life was dying. I knew this was wrong, of course. I also knew it could never happen to a human being. But then, science'd made a great many things possible.
If this came from a book, I want the title and author. If you just made it up, I'd like you to write a book. by Lowtax
1 # ? Aug 05, 2007 23:13
Should be sleeping Dec 03, 2006
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The sweat dripped, and made little patter noises as it gathered in pools on the fake leather interior of the stolen Pontiac. The heat of the day seemed to knock the air out of the cop as he left the comfort of his air conditioned Crown-Vic. I know this, because that was me just twenty-six hours ago by my watch. Because I pulled over a speeding Ponitac that was driven by myself, and threw me into a seemingly infinite time loop. I had to end it now. What I didn't know, was if the switch in my pocket that triggered the device could indeed break the cycle, and split us off into another tangent. And if that worked, how was I going to explain the guitar case to myself? How was I going to get me to help myself ensure that I was born?
Will you cut that out! Everyone knows Isz's don't have eyeballs...
The guitar case contained two severed heads, a baseball bat, three days of clothing stained by the blood, a very futuristic frozen jar that contained the fetus version of myself yet to be implanted in my mother circa 1979, a device that looked like a jetpack with tentacles, and an autographed picture of Robert Downey Jr. I got the sinking feeling that the best course of action was to hit the gas...
1 # ? Aug 05, 2007 23:22
The Beav
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Straight off the dedication page of Mark Danielewski's "House of Leaves"
Aug 01, 2006
"This is not for you."
...those Jerry's kids are as good as dead
1 # ? Aug 05, 2007 23:57
Studebaker Hawk
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A screaming comes across the sky. It has happened before, but there is nothing to compare it to now.
May 22, 2004
Thomas Pynchon- Gravities Rainbow
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 00:12
Hyphy Jamboree Jun 05, 2003
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The recently cleaned subway begs for attention as it easily slides into the Court House Square station on the 7 line and comes to a full stop, appearing only for a brief moment, its only purpose to function efficiently. The synchronized opening of the doors lasts only 10 seconds and there's a quick but powerful flow of human traffic both in and out of the individual cars. The faux lemon odor creeps up from the empty seats and polished straphangs as the reinforced plastic windows and sickeningly bright fluorescent bulbs succeed in stifling the bitter attempts of any exhausted rider. Mocked by countless advertisements for toothpaste, beer, and insurance coverage, the simple minded subway patron is a reminder to the rest of the world that mankind is a dirty little kid who runs around causing mischief and God is just a bad mother who doesn't care.
Gay for Vonnegut
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 00:55
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Fifty Percent More May 16, 2007
quote: Waking up, covered in sweat, as you realize that the world you were just part of was merely a dream is refreshing. It gives you a chance to regain normalcy. This is your blessing, a gift not bestowed on me. The things I see, the sounds I hear -- not even the most terrifying nightmare conjured by human minds could surpass the sheer terror of what I've experienced. I'll never be the same.
I've been trying to write this opening for quite a while. I'm still not entirely happy with it, but each time I do it again I get something I like a little more. Goes along with an idea I want to turn into a novel, or at the very least a short story. Offering more since 1989
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 01:04
aristander
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I think this is particularly brilliant, a great start to a great book.
Jan 13, 2007
Ken Kesey's One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest: They're out there. We are brothers, you and I, awaiting the Silent Empire.
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 03:11
QVT
Black boys in white suits up before me to commit sex acts in the hall and get it mopped up before I can catch them.
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I really like the opening dedication of Book of the New Sun.
Jul 22, 2007
Gene Wolfe posted: A thousand ages in thy sight Are like an evening gone; Short as the watch that ends the night Before the rising sun.
standing at the punch table swallowing punch
As for writing my own, I have no idea. I'm not a writer.
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 03:35
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Young Cato Dec 22, 2006 holla ho holla
John Kennedy Toole posted: A green hunting cap squeezed the top of the fleshy balloon of a head. The green earflaps, full of large ears and uncut hair and the fine bristles that grew in the ears themselves, stuck out on either side like turn signals indicating two directions at once. Full, pursed lips protruded beneath the bushy black moustache and, at their corners, sank into little folds filled with disapproval and potato chip crumbs.
This was my voicemail message for a while. 1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 03:40
solorca
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Short and simple, but I've always liked it.
Mar 29, 2004
Amy Hempel posted: The year I began to say vahz instead of vase, a man I barely knew nearly accidentally killed me.
Amy Hempel - The Harvest solorca fucked around with this message at Aug 06, 2007 around 03:53 1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 03:51
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The Almighty Jan 03, 2001
The Beav posted: Straight off the dedication page of Mark Danielewski's "House of Leaves"
24/08/2008 17:54
Awsome Opening Lines/Paragraphs
2 of 4
http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2582345&us...
"This is not for you."
What I was going to post. Irvine Welsh's Trainspotting. THIS IS THE MOST WIDELY SEEN IMAGE ON THE FORUMS BECAUSE I POST SHIT IN EVERY THREAD also BRITANNIA>USA
I'm posting the opening lines to the movie, so you purists out there have license to hate me.
quote: Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed- interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing sprit- crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing you last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that? 1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 03:54
Loooogan
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"The day had gone by just as days go by."
Jul 01, 2007 Ahem.
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 04:05
The Picnic Scene Jul 28, 2007
From Herman Hesse's "Steppenwolf."
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Lester McMahon woke up to the sound of distant church bells. Twelve consecutive beeps from his wristwatch intertwined with the faraway clanging from St. Joseph's. It was noon. He had overslept again. He was fully dressed in yesterday's clothes, and he didn't see the point in changing. He sighed as he lit a cigarette. McMahon was 31 years old, but his face was weathered and his hair had become prematurely gray, giving him the appearance of a much older man. He jumped a bit as the doorbell rang. He shuffled the door and opened it slowly. "Fu-" That was all Lester had time to say before his face exploded in a shower of blood and bone fragments. The duck smiled grimly and placed the revolver back into his now bloodstained feathers. It shook it's head slowly and said, "I'm getting to old for this shit, quack." as it walked out and back to its cab.
by Ozma
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 04:13
Vicissitude Thread Poster Jan 26, 2004
Just another day in Chicago, man. Just another fucking day.
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There have been a few times in my life when I was glad I was a synesthesiac. See, my brain is all wired wrong. I don't experience the senses like someone else would. Taste and touch intermingle with smell and sound and it can get really hard to talk to someone else who has no idea the new an interesting ways I'm living life. But it can have its advantages. Case in point, the guy from Vinny's gang who's trying to put the fear of God into me. A street beating just doesn't work the same when the pain you're trying to inflict just makes everything taste purple to me.
I set myself on fire. So they couldn't grab me. That's ninja thinkin'!
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 04:38
Ductile Dreadnought
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Man is born in chains, but he has been everywhere freed by the Committee.
Jun 14, 2006
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 04:39
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selimthegrim Jul 14, 2006 We must exceed the speed of space.
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 04:40
Cointelprofessional Jul 02, 2007 Carrots: Make me an offer.
Barbara Tuchman in The Guns of August posted: So gorgeous was the spectacle on the May morning of 1910 when nine kings rode in the funeral of Edward VII of England that the crowd, waiting in hushed and black-clad awe, could not keep back gasps of admiration. In scarlet and blue and green and purple, three by three the sovereigns rode through the palace gates, with plumed helmets, gold braid, crimson sashes, and jeweled orders flashing in the sun. After them came five heirs apparent, forty more imperial or royal hignesses, seven queens--four dowagers and three regnant--and a scattering of special ambassadors from uncrowned countries. Together they represented seventy nations in the greatest assemblage of royalty and rank ever gathered in one place and, of its kind, the last. The muffled tongue of Big Ben tolled nine by the clock as the cortege left the palace, but on history's clock it was sunset, and the sun of the old world was setting in a dying blaze of splendor never to be seen again. Profile Post History Ban History Add Coloring/Note Hide Avatar
"The most merciful thing in world, I thin, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all of its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying bistas of reality, and of our frightful positiion therin, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the deadly light into th epeace and safety of a new dark age." The Call of Cthulhu
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 04:40
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Vicissitude Thread Poster Jan 26, 2004
Ductile Dreadnought posted: Man is born in chains, but he has been everywhere freed by the Committee.
A man is never so tall as when he stoops to poke fun at a midget. More helpful advice for life, brought to you by The Committee.
I set myself on fire. So they couldn't grab me. That's ninja thinkin'!
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 05:18
UUriffic Jul 14, 2007
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"Damn I look sexy." How often had I repeated that lie to myself, desperately hoping it was true? I was like a neurotic nun repeating a tired latin catechism, a nun who saw in even her slightest movement an occasion for sin, breathing itself cause for repentence; and thus a plea for forgivness ever on her lips. Yet in that moment what I said was true, and what joy I felt. The nun having believed for all time prior that no fate awaited her but eternal damnation, now saw the white light of grace about her, the embrace of the Almighty promised her in death. My perfumed hair, rich and dark, draped over my slight shoulders like molten cocoa. My face, free of blemishes, gentle and feminine, immaculate in every sense. And of course my breasts, taut, resilient, but yielding, to touch feeling exactly as I imagine the texture of a cloud. For the first time in my life, I was truly and utterly content with my body. And then I saw my penis. "Just three days until the surgery is complete," I told myself, "just three days."
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 05:43
Nuclear Pogostick
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"All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." -Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy
Apr 09, 2007
"Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice." - One Hundred Years of Solitude, Gabriel García Márquez
Bouncing towards victory
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 05:46
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reworded Apr 23, 2007
The Beav posted: Straight off the dedication page of Mark Danielewski's "House of Leaves" "This is not for you."
Beaten to this. That's the only book that ever really got under my skin. I almost wish I had heeded the warning... you'll break the camera!
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 05:54
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24/08/2008 17:54
Awsome Opening Lines/Paragraphs
3 of 4
http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2582345&us...
Pendevil Jun 18, 2007
lou reeds banana posted: Why is that sentence to the Gunslinger such a good line? It seems incredibly generic to me, doesn't really convey anything about the book, and is just boring. King thought he'd be clever and make the first line the last line of the series, but other than that he never really knew he was going to do it. I just don't understand why that's a good line other than it's the first line of a really good series.
It is generic, I'll agree, but deceptively so, and it sets the stage for everything that follows. Pretty much the entire first chapter of the book is fairly generic and uninteresting, until he gets to the farmer and talks about Tull, and then you understand how truly fucked up this place is. Essentially, the rest of the book is explaining the meaning and ramifications of that one line; everything is driven by chasing the man in black. Enough of a derail though. Here's mine, from a novel I still have every intention of finishing (I promise): "The road frightens her. There is a strange, not quite real feeling about it, its carefully laid border straight and measured against the crazed organic dance of the trees and scrub. The blacktop seems to have some give to it though, perhaps from the sun and heat. She imagines walking the back of some great narrow serpent. At some point she might find its' head clasped firmly down on the end of its' tail. It is disconcerting enough, the incongruity of road and desert. The prospect of eternity is too much altogether." 1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 06:21
LondartAssassian
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'It was love at first sight'
Apr 06, 2007
Joseph Heller's "Catch-22"
Tell me, Mr. Frog, what's the difference between a mama pig and a polar bear that tells dull stories?
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 06:35
GreaseMonkey!
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Pardon me for being a 40k nerd and all but I like the opening line to Dan Abnett's book Horus Rising
Feb 11, 2007 Professional Fapper
"I was there the day Horus slew the Emperor" Then goes off into a really well written first chapter about slaughtering people on "63-19" edit: Fuck GreaseMonkey! fucked around with this message at Aug 06, 2007 around 07:00
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 06:51
Vicissitude
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Actually, I think all the contributions thus far are in line with what I had in mind. GBS tends to follow the path when you point them in the right direction.
Thread Poster Jan 26, 2004
Also, that'll be a week in the excoriator cells for you, heretic!
I set myself on fire. So they couldn't grab me. That's ninja thinkin'!
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 06:59
Amtiskaw May 15, 2003
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That morning, after he had woke, showered and dressed, he paused to look through a window of the International Space Station at the starry abyss and the planet below, just in time to see a blazing comet slide silently past and crash into the Earth, annihilating all its inhabitants.
offensive drone
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 07:05
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Vicissitude Thread Poster Jan 26, 2004
Amtiskaw posted: That morning, after he had woke, showered and dressed, he paused to look through a window of the International Space Station at the starry abyss and the planet below, just in time to see a blazing comet slide silently past and crash into the Earth, annihilating all its inhabitants.
The day did not get much better from there.
I set myself on fire. So they couldn't grab me. That's ninja thinkin'!
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 14:07
Haz
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From a novel I am writing:
Mar 12, 2007 The not-quite-so-brave-as-SirLancelot
quote: In the beginning, there was nothing. At this point, I feel that I should note that there is at least one other book that starts out this way. This book and that book are not the same. Do not look for the things in this book that you would look for in that one. This book is full of fantastic adventures, and should not be used as a guide by which you should live your life. Also, this book is true. So. In the beginning, there was nothing.
From Douglas Adams' "The Long Dark Tea Time of the Soul" quote: It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression "As pretty as an airport." 1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 14:20
somerbilliards
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There can be only one:
Apr 16, 2007
"It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen." Right away, you are thrown off of your horse, and the book is the one calling the shots. Gotta love Orwell.
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 14:28
Seth Puked On Me Jun 21, 2006
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Persuading a man in uniform can be an arduous task. Today I was lucky, today the law was upheld by a woman. With a line ripped from the pages of a housewives romance novel and a Snickers bar that fat ugly bitch let me go. I got away with murder that day, I got away with murder everyday. -Something I just came up with. I think I might run with it and write my self a novel. Seth Puked On Me fucked around with this message at Aug 06, 2007 around 14:35
Don't beat yourself up over it. There's nothing you could do about this. I mean, it kinda was your fault but hey, screw it. They're dead and you're not.
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 14:33
theVirtualVoid
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Dostoevsky, Notes from Underground
Aug 24, 2005
quote: I am a sick man.... I am a spiteful man. I am an unattractive man. I believe my liver is diseased. However, I know nothing at all about my disease, and do not know for certain what ails me. I don't consult a doctor for it, and never have, though I have a respect for medicine and doctors. Besides, I am extremely superstitious, sufficiently so to respect medicine, anyway (I am well-educated enough not to be superstitious, but I am superstitious). No, I refuse to consult a doctor from spite. That you probably will not understand. Well, I understand it, though. Of course, I can't explain who it is precisely that I am mortifying in this case by my spite: I am perfectly well aware that I cannot "pay out" the doctors by not consulting them; I know better than anyone that by all this I am only injuring myself and no one else. But still, if I don't consult a doctor it is from spite. My liver is bad, well—let it get worse! DUE PROCESS IS NOT BIG BROTHER YOU DUMB FUCK
This is a must read for anyone even remotely interested in philosophy... edit: Thanks for the custom avatar...whoever! theVirtualVoid fucked around with this message at Aug 06, 2007 around 14:39
24/08/2008 17:54
Awsome Opening Lines/Paragraphs
4 of 4
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 14:35
http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2582345&us...
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Blood_Ragu Jul 05, 2007
Vergil's Aeneid posted: I sing of arms and of the man, the first refugee, driven by fate from the Trojan shore, to reach Lavinium and the coasts of Italy.
This entire epic is fucking godly.
Your son will eat shit and die before I make him legal.
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 15:22
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G0d0t Sep 04, 2002
quote: You are not the kind of guy who would be in a place like this at this time of the morning. But here you are, and you can not say that the terrain is entirely unfamiliar, although the details are fuzzy. You are in a nightclub talking to a girl with a shaved head. The club is either Heartbreak or the Lizard Lounge, you aren't sure which. All might come clear if you could just slip into the bathroom and do a little more Bolivian Marching Powder. Then again, it might not. A small voice inside insists that this epidemic lack of clarity is a result of too much of that already.
Bright Lights, Big City by Jay McInerney Also, Chromis, that Banks book is amazing. I love all of his books so much. 1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 15:33
Carceno-Jenni
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"I am a sick man... I am a spiteful man. I am an unattractive man. I believe my liver is diseased."
Jul 03, 2007
Notes from the Underground. Fyodor Dostoevsky.
Steck mir den Finger in den Hals bis ich mich übergeben kann.
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 16:05
Swordfish
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It wasn't the blood that bothered me. It certainly wasn't the screaming. What got under my skin that night was the way the wretched cries of pain never reached her eyes. Her eyes stayed calm and steady, looking into mine.
Aug 15, 2001
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 16:15
mrbill
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John Scalzi, "The Android's Dream":
Oct 14, 2002
quote: Dirk Moeller didn't know if he could fart his way into a major diplomatic incident. But he was ready to find out.
Great book; reminds me a lot of Keith Laumer's "Retief" series.
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 16:22
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Carceno-Jenni Jul 03, 2007
theVirtualVoid posted: Dostoevsky, Notes from Underground
This is a must read for anyone even remotely interested in philosophy... edit: Thanks for the custom avatar...whoever! Steck mir den Finger in den Hals bis ich mich übergeben kann.
Damn, I didn't notice I was beaten. GRRR. 1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 16:26
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Snappy Answer Jul 02, 2007
quote: Shelby is a slut. She is also my wife. And that presents certain problems. Actually it presents major problems; I just don't like to think about them. Mainly because I have no real way of knowing that Shelby is a slut. I just have these dreams. And I can't exactly say to her over breakfast, "Honey, I had this dream last night that Reed Bindler was knocking your bottom out. And I think this needs to stop."
- Lord Vishnu's Love Handles by Will Clarke
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 16:27
Red_Mage Jul 23, 2007 I'm in ur Noun Verbin ur Plural Nouns
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 16:36
RasputinsGhost
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This was a Golden Age, a time of high adventure, rich living and hard dying ... but nobody thought so. This was a future of fortune and theft, pillage and rapine, culture and vice ... but nobody admitted it. This was an age of extremes, a fascinating century of freaks ... but nobody loved it. The Stars My Destination - Alfred Bester Profile Post History Ban History Add Coloring/Note Hide Avatar
Wrote this one myself.
Mar 22, 2005 Russia's Greatest Spectral Love Machine
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 16:59
Never let a synesthesiac listen to Django Reinhardt. It'd be like letting a epileptic into a light show.
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The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Awsome Opening Lines/Paragraphs Pages (3):
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Who posted?
lou reeds banana Feb 20, 2007
MMAgCh posted: I was, of course, well aware of the myth stating that the memory span of a goldfish lasts only three seconds; and that, because a goldfish takes much longer than three seconds to die outside of water, to it its entire existence would seem to have been comprised of nothing but the agonizing struggle of suffocation, that all it could remember of its life was dying. I knew this was wrong, of course. I also knew it could never happen to a human being. But then, science'd made a great many things possible.
If this came from a book, I want the title and author. If you just made it up, I'd like you to write a book. by Lowtax
1 # ? Aug 05, 2007 23:13
Should be sleeping Dec 03, 2006
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The sweat dripped, and made little patter noises as it gathered in pools on the fake leather interior of the stolen Pontiac. The heat of the day seemed to knock the air out of the cop as he left the comfort of his air conditioned Crown-Vic. I know this, because that was me just twenty-six hours ago by my watch. Because I pulled over a speeding Ponitac that was driven by myself, and threw me into a seemingly infinite time loop. I had to end it now. What I didn't know, was if the switch in my pocket that triggered the device could indeed break the cycle, and split us off into another tangent. And if that worked, how was I going to explain the guitar case to myself? How was I going to get me to help myself ensure that I was born?
Will you cut that out! Everyone knows Isz's don't have eyeballs...
The guitar case contained two severed heads, a baseball bat, three days of clothing stained by the blood, a very futuristic frozen jar that contained the fetus version of myself yet to be implanted in my mother circa 1979, a device that looked like a jetpack with tentacles, and an autographed picture of Robert Downey Jr. I got the sinking feeling that the best course of action was to hit the gas...
1 # ? Aug 05, 2007 23:22
The Beav
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Straight off the dedication page of Mark Danielewski's "House of Leaves"
Aug 01, 2006
"This is not for you."
...those Jerry's kids are as good as dead
1 # ? Aug 05, 2007 23:57
Studebaker Hawk
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A screaming comes across the sky. It has happened before, but there is nothing to compare it to now.
May 22, 2004
Thomas Pynchon- Gravities Rainbow
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 00:12
Hyphy Jamboree Jun 05, 2003
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The recently cleaned subway begs for attention as it easily slides into the Court House Square station on the 7 line and comes to a full stop, appearing only for a brief moment, its only purpose to function efficiently. The synchronized opening of the doors lasts only 10 seconds and there's a quick but powerful flow of human traffic both in and out of the individual cars. The faux lemon odor creeps up from the empty seats and polished straphangs as the reinforced plastic windows and sickeningly bright fluorescent bulbs succeed in stifling the bitter attempts of any exhausted rider. Mocked by countless advertisements for toothpaste, beer, and insurance coverage, the simple minded subway patron is a reminder to the rest of the world that mankind is a dirty little kid who runs around causing mischief and God is just a bad mother who doesn't care.
Gay for Vonnegut
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 00:55
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Fifty Percent More May 16, 2007
quote: Waking up, covered in sweat, as you realize that the world you were just part of was merely a dream is refreshing. It gives you a chance to regain normalcy. This is your blessing, a gift not bestowed on me. The things I see, the sounds I hear -- not even the most terrifying nightmare conjured by human minds could surpass the sheer terror of what I've experienced. I'll never be the same.
I've been trying to write this opening for quite a while. I'm still not entirely happy with it, but each time I do it again I get something I like a little more. Goes along with an idea I want to turn into a novel, or at the very least a short story. Offering more since 1989
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 01:04
aristander
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I think this is particularly brilliant, a great start to a great book.
Jan 13, 2007
Ken Kesey's One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest: They're out there. We are brothers, you and I, awaiting the Silent Empire.
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 03:11
QVT
Black boys in white suits up before me to commit sex acts in the hall and get it mopped up before I can catch them.
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I really like the opening dedication of Book of the New Sun.
Jul 22, 2007
Gene Wolfe posted: A thousand ages in thy sight Are like an evening gone; Short as the watch that ends the night Before the rising sun.
standing at the punch table swallowing punch
As for writing my own, I have no idea. I'm not a writer.
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 03:35
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Young Cato Dec 22, 2006 holla ho holla
John Kennedy Toole posted: A green hunting cap squeezed the top of the fleshy balloon of a head. The green earflaps, full of large ears and uncut hair and the fine bristles that grew in the ears themselves, stuck out on either side like turn signals indicating two directions at once. Full, pursed lips protruded beneath the bushy black moustache and, at their corners, sank into little folds filled with disapproval and potato chip crumbs.
This was my voicemail message for a while. 1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 03:40
solorca
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Short and simple, but I've always liked it.
Mar 29, 2004
Amy Hempel posted: The year I began to say vahz instead of vase, a man I barely knew nearly accidentally killed me.
Amy Hempel - The Harvest solorca fucked around with this message at Aug 06, 2007 around 03:53 1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 03:51
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The Almighty Jan 03, 2001
The Beav posted: Straight off the dedication page of Mark Danielewski's "House of Leaves"
24/08/2008 17:54
Awsome Opening Lines/Paragraphs
2 of 4
http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2582345&us...
"This is not for you."
What I was going to post. Irvine Welsh's Trainspotting. THIS IS THE MOST WIDELY SEEN IMAGE ON THE FORUMS BECAUSE I POST SHIT IN EVERY THREAD also BRITANNIA>USA
I'm posting the opening lines to the movie, so you purists out there have license to hate me.
quote: Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed- interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing sprit- crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing you last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that? 1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 03:54
Loooogan
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"The day had gone by just as days go by."
Jul 01, 2007 Ahem.
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 04:05
The Picnic Scene Jul 28, 2007
From Herman Hesse's "Steppenwolf."
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Lester McMahon woke up to the sound of distant church bells. Twelve consecutive beeps from his wristwatch intertwined with the faraway clanging from St. Joseph's. It was noon. He had overslept again. He was fully dressed in yesterday's clothes, and he didn't see the point in changing. He sighed as he lit a cigarette. McMahon was 31 years old, but his face was weathered and his hair had become prematurely gray, giving him the appearance of a much older man. He jumped a bit as the doorbell rang. He shuffled the door and opened it slowly. "Fu-" That was all Lester had time to say before his face exploded in a shower of blood and bone fragments. The duck smiled grimly and placed the revolver back into his now bloodstained feathers. It shook it's head slowly and said, "I'm getting to old for this shit, quack." as it walked out and back to its cab.
by Ozma
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 04:13
Vicissitude Thread Poster Jan 26, 2004
Just another day in Chicago, man. Just another fucking day.
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There have been a few times in my life when I was glad I was a synesthesiac. See, my brain is all wired wrong. I don't experience the senses like someone else would. Taste and touch intermingle with smell and sound and it can get really hard to talk to someone else who has no idea the new an interesting ways I'm living life. But it can have its advantages. Case in point, the guy from Vinny's gang who's trying to put the fear of God into me. A street beating just doesn't work the same when the pain you're trying to inflict just makes everything taste purple to me.
I set myself on fire. So they couldn't grab me. That's ninja thinkin'!
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 04:38
Ductile Dreadnought
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Man is born in chains, but he has been everywhere freed by the Committee.
Jun 14, 2006
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 04:39
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selimthegrim Jul 14, 2006 We must exceed the speed of space.
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 04:40
Cointelprofessional Jul 02, 2007 Carrots: Make me an offer.
Barbara Tuchman in The Guns of August posted: So gorgeous was the spectacle on the May morning of 1910 when nine kings rode in the funeral of Edward VII of England that the crowd, waiting in hushed and black-clad awe, could not keep back gasps of admiration. In scarlet and blue and green and purple, three by three the sovereigns rode through the palace gates, with plumed helmets, gold braid, crimson sashes, and jeweled orders flashing in the sun. After them came five heirs apparent, forty more imperial or royal hignesses, seven queens--four dowagers and three regnant--and a scattering of special ambassadors from uncrowned countries. Together they represented seventy nations in the greatest assemblage of royalty and rank ever gathered in one place and, of its kind, the last. The muffled tongue of Big Ben tolled nine by the clock as the cortege left the palace, but on history's clock it was sunset, and the sun of the old world was setting in a dying blaze of splendor never to be seen again. Profile Post History Ban History Add Coloring/Note Hide Avatar
"The most merciful thing in world, I thin, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all of its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying bistas of reality, and of our frightful positiion therin, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the deadly light into th epeace and safety of a new dark age." The Call of Cthulhu
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 04:40
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Vicissitude Thread Poster Jan 26, 2004
Ductile Dreadnought posted: Man is born in chains, but he has been everywhere freed by the Committee.
A man is never so tall as when he stoops to poke fun at a midget. More helpful advice for life, brought to you by The Committee.
I set myself on fire. So they couldn't grab me. That's ninja thinkin'!
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 05:18
UUriffic Jul 14, 2007
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"Damn I look sexy." How often had I repeated that lie to myself, desperately hoping it was true? I was like a neurotic nun repeating a tired latin catechism, a nun who saw in even her slightest movement an occasion for sin, breathing itself cause for repentence; and thus a plea for forgivness ever on her lips. Yet in that moment what I said was true, and what joy I felt. The nun having believed for all time prior that no fate awaited her but eternal damnation, now saw the white light of grace about her, the embrace of the Almighty promised her in death. My perfumed hair, rich and dark, draped over my slight shoulders like molten cocoa. My face, free of blemishes, gentle and feminine, immaculate in every sense. And of course my breasts, taut, resilient, but yielding, to touch feeling exactly as I imagine the texture of a cloud. For the first time in my life, I was truly and utterly content with my body. And then I saw my penis. "Just three days until the surgery is complete," I told myself, "just three days."
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 05:43
Nuclear Pogostick
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"All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." -Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy
Apr 09, 2007
"Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice." - One Hundred Years of Solitude, Gabriel García Márquez
Bouncing towards victory
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 05:46
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reworded Apr 23, 2007
The Beav posted: Straight off the dedication page of Mark Danielewski's "House of Leaves" "This is not for you."
Beaten to this. That's the only book that ever really got under my skin. I almost wish I had heeded the warning... you'll break the camera!
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 05:54
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24/08/2008 17:54
Awsome Opening Lines/Paragraphs
3 of 4
http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2582345&us...
Pendevil Jun 18, 2007
lou reeds banana posted: Why is that sentence to the Gunslinger such a good line? It seems incredibly generic to me, doesn't really convey anything about the book, and is just boring. King thought he'd be clever and make the first line the last line of the series, but other than that he never really knew he was going to do it. I just don't understand why that's a good line other than it's the first line of a really good series.
It is generic, I'll agree, but deceptively so, and it sets the stage for everything that follows. Pretty much the entire first chapter of the book is fairly generic and uninteresting, until he gets to the farmer and talks about Tull, and then you understand how truly fucked up this place is. Essentially, the rest of the book is explaining the meaning and ramifications of that one line; everything is driven by chasing the man in black. Enough of a derail though. Here's mine, from a novel I still have every intention of finishing (I promise): "The road frightens her. There is a strange, not quite real feeling about it, its carefully laid border straight and measured against the crazed organic dance of the trees and scrub. The blacktop seems to have some give to it though, perhaps from the sun and heat. She imagines walking the back of some great narrow serpent. At some point she might find its' head clasped firmly down on the end of its' tail. It is disconcerting enough, the incongruity of road and desert. The prospect of eternity is too much altogether." 1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 06:21
LondartAssassian
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'It was love at first sight'
Apr 06, 2007
Joseph Heller's "Catch-22"
Tell me, Mr. Frog, what's the difference between a mama pig and a polar bear that tells dull stories?
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 06:35
GreaseMonkey!
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Pardon me for being a 40k nerd and all but I like the opening line to Dan Abnett's book Horus Rising
Feb 11, 2007 Professional Fapper
"I was there the day Horus slew the Emperor" Then goes off into a really well written first chapter about slaughtering people on "63-19" edit: Fuck GreaseMonkey! fucked around with this message at Aug 06, 2007 around 07:00
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 06:51
Vicissitude
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Actually, I think all the contributions thus far are in line with what I had in mind. GBS tends to follow the path when you point them in the right direction.
Thread Poster Jan 26, 2004
Also, that'll be a week in the excoriator cells for you, heretic!
I set myself on fire. So they couldn't grab me. That's ninja thinkin'!
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 06:59
Amtiskaw May 15, 2003
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That morning, after he had woke, showered and dressed, he paused to look through a window of the International Space Station at the starry abyss and the planet below, just in time to see a blazing comet slide silently past and crash into the Earth, annihilating all its inhabitants.
offensive drone
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 07:05
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Vicissitude Thread Poster Jan 26, 2004
Amtiskaw posted: That morning, after he had woke, showered and dressed, he paused to look through a window of the International Space Station at the starry abyss and the planet below, just in time to see a blazing comet slide silently past and crash into the Earth, annihilating all its inhabitants.
The day did not get much better from there.
I set myself on fire. So they couldn't grab me. That's ninja thinkin'!
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 14:07
Haz
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From a novel I am writing:
Mar 12, 2007 The not-quite-so-brave-as-SirLancelot
quote: In the beginning, there was nothing. At this point, I feel that I should note that there is at least one other book that starts out this way. This book and that book are not the same. Do not look for the things in this book that you would look for in that one. This book is full of fantastic adventures, and should not be used as a guide by which you should live your life. Also, this book is true. So. In the beginning, there was nothing.
From Douglas Adams' "The Long Dark Tea Time of the Soul" quote: It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression "As pretty as an airport." 1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 14:20
somerbilliards
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There can be only one:
Apr 16, 2007
"It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen." Right away, you are thrown off of your horse, and the book is the one calling the shots. Gotta love Orwell.
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 14:28
Seth Puked On Me Jun 21, 2006
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Persuading a man in uniform can be an arduous task. Today I was lucky, today the law was upheld by a woman. With a line ripped from the pages of a housewives romance novel and a Snickers bar that fat ugly bitch let me go. I got away with murder that day, I got away with murder everyday. -Something I just came up with. I think I might run with it and write my self a novel. Seth Puked On Me fucked around with this message at Aug 06, 2007 around 14:35
Don't beat yourself up over it. There's nothing you could do about this. I mean, it kinda was your fault but hey, screw it. They're dead and you're not.
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 14:33
theVirtualVoid
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Dostoevsky, Notes from Underground
Aug 24, 2005
quote: I am a sick man.... I am a spiteful man. I am an unattractive man. I believe my liver is diseased. However, I know nothing at all about my disease, and do not know for certain what ails me. I don't consult a doctor for it, and never have, though I have a respect for medicine and doctors. Besides, I am extremely superstitious, sufficiently so to respect medicine, anyway (I am well-educated enough not to be superstitious, but I am superstitious). No, I refuse to consult a doctor from spite. That you probably will not understand. Well, I understand it, though. Of course, I can't explain who it is precisely that I am mortifying in this case by my spite: I am perfectly well aware that I cannot "pay out" the doctors by not consulting them; I know better than anyone that by all this I am only injuring myself and no one else. But still, if I don't consult a doctor it is from spite. My liver is bad, well—let it get worse! DUE PROCESS IS NOT BIG BROTHER YOU DUMB FUCK
This is a must read for anyone even remotely interested in philosophy... edit: Thanks for the custom avatar...whoever! theVirtualVoid fucked around with this message at Aug 06, 2007 around 14:39
24/08/2008 17:54
Awsome Opening Lines/Paragraphs
4 of 4
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 14:35
http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2582345&us...
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Blood_Ragu Jul 05, 2007
Vergil's Aeneid posted: I sing of arms and of the man, the first refugee, driven by fate from the Trojan shore, to reach Lavinium and the coasts of Italy.
This entire epic is fucking godly.
Your son will eat shit and die before I make him legal.
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 15:22
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G0d0t Sep 04, 2002
quote: You are not the kind of guy who would be in a place like this at this time of the morning. But here you are, and you can not say that the terrain is entirely unfamiliar, although the details are fuzzy. You are in a nightclub talking to a girl with a shaved head. The club is either Heartbreak or the Lizard Lounge, you aren't sure which. All might come clear if you could just slip into the bathroom and do a little more Bolivian Marching Powder. Then again, it might not. A small voice inside insists that this epidemic lack of clarity is a result of too much of that already.
Bright Lights, Big City by Jay McInerney Also, Chromis, that Banks book is amazing. I love all of his books so much. 1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 15:33
Carceno-Jenni
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"I am a sick man... I am a spiteful man. I am an unattractive man. I believe my liver is diseased."
Jul 03, 2007
Notes from the Underground. Fyodor Dostoevsky.
Steck mir den Finger in den Hals bis ich mich übergeben kann.
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 16:05
Swordfish
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It wasn't the blood that bothered me. It certainly wasn't the screaming. What got under my skin that night was the way the wretched cries of pain never reached her eyes. Her eyes stayed calm and steady, looking into mine.
Aug 15, 2001
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 16:15
mrbill
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John Scalzi, "The Android's Dream":
Oct 14, 2002
quote: Dirk Moeller didn't know if he could fart his way into a major diplomatic incident. But he was ready to find out.
Great book; reminds me a lot of Keith Laumer's "Retief" series.
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 16:22
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Carceno-Jenni Jul 03, 2007
theVirtualVoid posted: Dostoevsky, Notes from Underground
This is a must read for anyone even remotely interested in philosophy... edit: Thanks for the custom avatar...whoever! Steck mir den Finger in den Hals bis ich mich übergeben kann.
Damn, I didn't notice I was beaten. GRRR. 1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 16:26
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Snappy Answer Jul 02, 2007
quote: Shelby is a slut. She is also my wife. And that presents certain problems. Actually it presents major problems; I just don't like to think about them. Mainly because I have no real way of knowing that Shelby is a slut. I just have these dreams. And I can't exactly say to her over breakfast, "Honey, I had this dream last night that Reed Bindler was knocking your bottom out. And I think this needs to stop."
- Lord Vishnu's Love Handles by Will Clarke
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 16:27
Red_Mage Jul 23, 2007 I'm in ur Noun Verbin ur Plural Nouns
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 16:36
RasputinsGhost
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This was a Golden Age, a time of high adventure, rich living and hard dying ... but nobody thought so. This was a future of fortune and theft, pillage and rapine, culture and vice ... but nobody admitted it. This was an age of extremes, a fascinating century of freaks ... but nobody loved it. The Stars My Destination - Alfred Bester Profile Post History Ban History Add Coloring/Note Hide Avatar
Wrote this one myself.
Mar 22, 2005 Russia's Greatest Spectral Love Machine
1 # ? Aug 06, 2007 16:59
Never let a synesthesiac listen to Django Reinhardt. It'd be like letting a epileptic into a light show.
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