Quotes From The Cyberworld - C

quotes: c Asking where Lotus Notes is now is a bit like asking what Jennifer Aniston's been doing with herself since her 1992 appearance in an episode of the TV show Herman's Head. The fact is that more people now know about Aniston--and Notes--than they ever did. And the longer people are exposed to either, the less they like the experience. -C|Net I've always thought that Salon should extend that naming strategy and offend some other classes of people by launching Jews Who Spend Money and Southerners Who Marry Outside the Family. -Rogers Cadenhead on "Salon: Mothers who Think" Everybody understands what concurrency means? Two lies at once. -Felipe Cabrera We have a few lies that we can use to make bigger lies, called network models. -Felipe Cabrera We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and die. -Nicholas Cage Will you come quietly, or must I use earplugs? -Russ Cage All of these free condoms are really burning a hole in my pocket. -Chris Caldwell If my mind had the power to heal me, you would think it would also have the power to keep me out of graduate school. No such luck. -Lynda Callicotte Every old idea will be proposed again with a different name and a different presentation, regardless of whether it works. -Ross Callon It is always possible to aglutenate multiple separate problems into a single complex interdependent solution. In most cases this is a bad idea. -Ross Callon

It is easier to move a problem around (for example, by moving the problem to a different part of the overall network architecture) than it is to solve it. (corollary). It is always possible to add another level of indirection. -Ross Callon It is more complicated than you think. -Ross Callon Some things in life can never be fully appreciated nor understood unless experienced firsthand. Some things in networking can never be fully understood by someone who neither builds commercial networking equipment nor runs an operational network. -Ross Callon God put me on this Earth to accomplish certain things. Right now, I am so far behind, I will never die. -Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes I try to make everyones life a little more surreal. -Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes It's not denial... I'm just very selective about the reality I accept. -Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. -Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog! -Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer conglomerates. Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously? It's a beautiful world all right. -Calvin's Father, Calvin & Hobbes The only skills I have the patience to learn are those that have no real application in life. -Calvin's Father, Calvin & Hobbes

Bwah ha ha! I am evil and judgemental! My prejudices are all defensible, my assessments accurate, my generalizations sweeping and all inclusive. Any evidence to the contrary be damned. -Jose Calvo Get to know me before you hate me. Oh-no. I'll hate you right now, thank you. It's usually too tough to get to know someone and what makes them tick so I'll hate you without any basis except my desire to quickly and efficiently categorize people. -Jose Calvo I can appreciate what he's doing, which is creating a fetish club that isn't for fat people. -Jose Calvo I don't know if my strategy works for anyone else, but if people don't find me attractive, I simply assume they've missed something and tell them how pretty I am. -Jose Calvo I don't mean to sound like a snob, but what's the story with the term "Gravers?" Are we talking about the geeks with the bad hats? Canes? White face paint? Crow make-up? Sunglasses at night? Long coats in the summer sun? These people are at the top of many lists for gothic clubbing. I don't mean clubbing in the 'attending nightclubs on a regular basis' sense, I mean 'knocked on the head like a harp seal until twitching ceases' variety. -Jose Calvo It's a done deal. You cannot be static and not think the trash won't catch up with you nothing is beyond the reach of a wannabe. Whatever you do that sticks out will eventually be picked up by the garbage-eating mainstream. Either weather the storm, keep moving and changing your style, or sit in a corner with me and whine about the way things used to be even though they never were. -Jose Calvo It's just an act to get you off your guard. I'll be down your pants b4 you can say "spank your own damn monkey!" -Jose Calvo Let's be scientific. Are you a Gemini? -Jose Calvo

My new concept is gothic clubbing. That's not as in going to clubs, that's as in harp seals. The list goes like this: anyone with a hat - club; white face - club; crow makeup - club; spikes - club; rave dancing on the floor - club; leather jacket in the summer - club; singing along outloud - club. -Jose Calvo You see! We may not agree on many points, but it takes someone we all despise to galvanize our dislikes so we band together to form an ugly mob. Go hate! -Jose Calvo When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist. -Dom Helder Camara All applicants from outside the English-speaking world must possess a fluent command of English before admission. Cambridge accepts that the United States of America is a part of the English speaking world, but only just. -Cambridge University web site *WARNING: These cartoons are merely satire and exaggeration. Camp Chaos is not a spokesman for Napster Inc., the recording industry, Metallica, or Motley Crue, or Who Wants to be a Millionaire? for that matter. We make silly cartoons which we hope people, like you, will enjoy. If you want serious political discussion and opinion regarding copyright laws, MP3s, or anything related, call the Supreme Court or your Mom. You won't find anything seriously addressing these issues on our site. But there is one thing we're serious about: elves. If you're an actual elf from a mystical forest, we hate you and your whole elfin family. Elves bad! -The Camp Chaos Mafia A threesome? I'd love to have two guys. One could paint the walls while the other cleaned up the kitchen. That would be such a turn on. -AJ Campbell And every spring, a new graduating class enters the workforce. Some have a wellrounded view of operating systems, but for many there is only Unix. -Gord Campbell [A computer is] like an Old Testament god, with a lot of rules and no mercy. -Joseph Campbell If it can kill you, it can probably get you high. -Robert Campbell

Beauty is unbearable, drives us to despair, offering us for a minute the glimpse of an eternity that we should like to stretch out over the whole of time. -Albert Camus Do not wait for the last judgment. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus If the world were clear, art would have no purpose. -Albert Camus You know what charm is: a way of getting the answer yes without having asked any clear question. -Albert Camus Opinions expressed by said attorney do not reflect those of any rational person or his dog. This communication via the Internet does not constitute legal advice; no attorney client privilege has been established. Believe me, if this was legal advice, you would get a really really big bill. -Robert Cannon Never assume intelligence. -Jeff Cantor You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun. -Al Capone point out to me one person who's ever worked for Steve Jobs twice. You're kind of disposable in Steve's eyes -- and I've been disposed of. All the ex-Mac people will tell you, you only drink purple Kool-aid once. -Steve Capps, Apple Finder and Newton developer Everybody dies. What matters is what you do between now and when it happens to you. -Orson Scott Card, Treasure Box Everything possible to be believed is an image of the truth. -Orson Scott Card, Seventh Son Good people can't out-think evil, cause evil thinks of things good folks can't think of. -Orson Scott Card, Homebody

I am your enemy, the first one you've ever had who was smarter than you. There is no teacher but the enemy. No one but the enemy will ever tell you what the enemy is going to do. No one but the enemy will ever teach you how to destroy and conquer. Only the enemy shows you where you are weak. Only the enemy tells you where he is strong. And the rules of the game are what you can do to him and what you can stop him from doing to you. I am your enemy from now on. From now on, I am your teacher. -Orson Scott Card, Ender's Game I did it, and it worked. Memorize that defense. You may have to use it yourself someday. -Orson Scott Card, Ender's Game I don't know. Is it a longing? Is it a giddy stupid happiness just because you're with me? ... That's influenza ... Watch for nausea or diarrhea within a few hours. -Orson Scott Card, Children of the Mind I wish more people would shave with Occam's Razor. -Orson Scott Card I won't lie now, either. My job isn't to be friends. My job is to produce the best soldiers in the world. In the whole history of the world. We need a Napoleon. An Alexander. Except that Napoleon lost in the end, and Alexander flamed out and died young. We need a Julius Caesar, except that he made himself dictator, and died for it. My job is to produce such a creature, and all the men and women he'll need to help him. Nowhere in that does it say that I have to make friends with children. -Orson Scott Card, Ender's Game 'I'm not stupid!' In Bean's experience, that was a sentence never uttered except to prove its own inaccuracy. -Orson Scott Card, Ender's Shadow Isn't that the sweetest little well-balanced undergraduate-level philosophy of life. -Orson Scott Card, Children of the Mind It is the downfall of evil, that it never sees far enough ahead. -Orson Scott Card, Stone Tables it's impossible to wear an identity without becoming what you pretend to be. -Orson Scott Card, Ender's Game It's our job. We're the wicked witch. We promise gingerbread, but we eat the little bastards alive. -Orson Scott Card, Ender's Game

Love is random; fear is inevitable. -Orson Scott Card, Pastwatch: The Redemption of Christopher Columbus Nobody controls his own life. The best you can do is choose to be controlled by good people, by people who love you. -Orson Scott Card, Ender's Game Please don't disillusion me. I haven't had breakfast yet. -Orson Scott Card, Children of the Mind Sometimes lies are more dependable than the truth. -Orson Scott Card, Ender's Game The wise are not wise because they make no mistakes. They are wise because they correct their mistakes as soon as they recognize them. -Orson Scott Card, Xenocide Then I'll tell the truth. We're allowed to do that in emergencies. We can't plan for everything, you know. -Orson Scott Card, Ender's Game Whenever I hear you saying, Rise and shine, rise and shine, it makes me think how lucky dead people are! -Orson Scott Card, Treasure Box You're only so sure you're right because they're so sure you're wrong. -Orson Scott Card, Xenocide Your trust in rationality makes you irrational. -Orson Scott Card, Children of the Mind Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar. -Drew Carey May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. -George Carlin RELAX. HAVE SOME DIP. -George Carlin

So, you have this invisible man who lives in the clouds. He has a list of ten things you can't do, and if you do do them, he will fry you. Yet, he loves you? -George Carlin The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, and you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating... you finish off as an orgasm. -George Carlin Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they? -George Carlin Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do. -Dale Carnegie How come on the condom dispensers it has a little picture of birds flying over a pretty mountain. They use sex to sell everything else, why don't they use sex to sell condoms??? -Jeff Carnegie I still think if they're going to name it after someone, Joey Ramone is a more appropriate choice. For one thing, he did more for Washington than Reagan ever did, and for another, he's aleady dead. -Avedon Carol People writing about the "powerful Web presence" of the Tribune must never have actually tried to navigate its site. They may have a "commitment" to online journalism; they need to figure out how to make the experience different from walking to Canada through knee-high split-pea soup. -Jon Carroll That's why the religious people are so freaked out about the Internet, not because of the smut but because NO religion can stand up to access to information. -Robert Carr

Grab your lube and make sure nobody sees you coming in here, because there's only one reason for visiting the pay side - wanking! -Asia Carrera It is easy to be tolerant and openhearted in the good times. Our commitment to the ideals of the Constitution is tested in the tough times. Freedom is freedom for all; that is why our nation is worth protecting. It's not the purple mountain majesties; it's the sanctuary promised at the entrance to New York Harbor. You are home now. Welcome. -Jon Carroll I always thought the sword was obviously mightier than the pen. Then someone stuck a pen in some guy's neck at a nightclub I was at. -David Carter Okay, you guys could probably beat me up and take my money, but the first one of you who comes at me never walks again. Any of you want to volunteer a weapon? I can hurt you first if you want... -David Carter, failing to get mugged The trouble with radicals is that they read only radical literature and the trouble with conservatives is that they don't read anything. -Thomas Carter As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life -- so I became a scientist. This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls. -Matt Cartmill Excess is bad in every way. -Oleg Cassini You just keep doing it and doing it and doing it. -John Castle Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock. -Wynn Catlin The good news is that opportunity abounds for anybody and everybody with half a brain. A complete brain is not even required for success anymore. Only a half-baked plan and the determination to see it through. -Mike Causey

If anything has the word 'science' in its name, it's not science. Political Science, Social Science, Computer Science, ... -George Cebulka It is of men, and them only, that one should always be frightened. -Louis Ferdinand Celine, Journey to the End of the Night The poetry of heroism appeals irresistibly to those who don't go to a war, and even more to those whom the war is making enormously wealthy. -Louis Ferdinand Celine That said, I could lose 300 engineers and still make my numbers. -Cisco CEO John Chambers, as quoted on the back of a shirt whose front reads "exCisco engineer" Entropy requires no maintenance. -Markoff Chaney Chaos can be expanded to room size or larger. -Chaos World of Motion Millennium Builder construction toy box text ...dice aren't to tell a Storyteller what happens, dice are for SOUND EFFECTS -Daniel Chapman I have seen ten years of young men who rush out into the world with their messages, and when they find how deaf the world is, they think they must save their strength and wait. They believe that after a while they will be able to get up on some little eminence from which they can make themselves heard. 'In a few years,' reasons one of them, 'I shall have gained a standing, and then I will use my powers for good.' Next year comes and with it a strange discovery. The man has lost his horizon of thought. His ambition has evaporated; he has nothing to say. I give you this one rule of conduct. Do what you will, but speak out always. Be shunned, be hated, be ridiculed, be scared, be in doubt, but don't be gagged. The time of trial is always. Now is the appointed time. -John Jay Chapman If you wish to be useful, never take a course that will silence you. Refuse to learn anything that implies collusion, whether it be a clerkship or a curacy, a legal fee or a post in a university. Retain the power of speech no matter what other power you may lose. If you can take this course, and in so far as you take it, you will bless this country. In so far as you depart from this course you become dampers, mutes, and hooded executioners. -John Jay Chapman

Try to raise a voice that will be heard from here to Albany and watch what comes forward to shut off the sound. It is not a German sergeant, nor a Russian officer of the precinct. It is a note from a friend of your father's offering you a place in his office. This is your warning from the secret police. -John Jay Chapman There are only two kinds of scholars; those who love ideas and those who hate them. -Emile Chartier Any idiot can face a crisis - it's the day to day living that wears you out. -Anton Chekhov There is no need for you to refer us to your lame home page. -Ken Chen An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered. -G. K. Chesterton Christianity has not been tried and found wanting, it has been found difficult and left untried. -G. K. Chesterton Monothestic Gods are soft and lazy. -Chairoscuro Jantz a lot of your thoughts seem influenced by this thing called crack. -Peter Chang I am Dyslexic, of Brog. Fesistence is rutile. You will be assissitated. -Peter Chang In an information economy, the most valuable company assets drive themselves home every night. If they are not treated well, they do not return the next morning. -Peter Chang People always wonder why geek colleges like CalTech, MIT and CMU, populated as they are by the low-status gimps who couldn't get invited to even the lamest parties in high school, have such serious drinking problems. But think about it. Geeks have egos too, and the easiest way to rise out of geekdom is to drink heavily. It's status in a bottle. -Peter Chang

What?! Use PAPER, and an unindexed, non-online MICROFICHE like some goddamn SAVAGE? My parents struggled to come this country so I can be free of the dreaded abacus and counting wheels. I REFUSE to dishoner their sacrifice. How would they feel if they know that I was reading an actual physical paper? Shame, that's what. Shame on the family honor. Shame on me. Shame on our efforts to rise above our primative past. -Peter Chang I'm often asked why I left politics and went to Halliburton, and I explain that I reached the point where I was mean-spirited, short-tempered and intolerant of those who disagreed with me and they said, 'Hell, you'd make a great C.E.O.,' so I went to Texas and joined the private sector. -Dick Cheney I'm done doing what I swore an oath to God 28 years ago to never do again. I've created, "something that kills people." And in that purpose I was a success. I've done this, because philosophically I'm sympathetic to your aim. I can tell you with no ego, this is my finest sword. If on your journey, you should encounter God, God will be cut. -Sonny Chibao as Hatori Hanzo in "Kill Bill: Vol. 1" It's Wednesday. By tomorrow got to get two papers done, study for two tests, do my laundry. I have to get my car washed, pick up a friend for the airport, find something for her to do while I'm studying so she doesn't get bored. I need to talk to my parents. I need to incorporate drinking in there somewhere... -Stephanie Chimenti I drink coffee because... I'm too laid back to take my daily quota of stress without it. -Jonathan Chin Love and Genius are two of the most over-used words in the language. -Hank Chinaski, "Hollywood" We each had a good hit. Then we refilled our glasses and walked out. At one time I used to refer to Sarah and me as Zelda and Scott, but that bothered her because she didn't like the way Zelda had ended up. And I didn't like what Scott had typed. So, we had abandoned our sense of humor there. -Hank Chinaski, "Hollywood" May you live in interesting times. -traditional Chinese curse May your fondest wish be granted. -traditional Chinese curse

First and foremost, the stupid people need to shut up and let the more intelligent folks speak. -Pankaj Chowdhry Unfortunately, perceptions of the Linux community are shaped by Web sites such as www.slashdot.org, where self-styled experts who have the collective IQ of an AOL CD post inflammatory propaganda. -Pankaj Chowdhry Dean is an experienced customer relations team leader... and he's now authorized to bathe you in the healing light of forgiveness. -Jesus Christ, The Onion Radio News every woman has one fat friend, but very rarely do they have 2. -Jason Christian If that makes your lawyers or managers happy, well, good for them. You still have a lot to worry about. -Tom Christiansen, note on the Perl Y2K disclaimer I saw Chris that afternoon and he invited me to come over to your party. We were also having a party at our house that same night and a friend of mine asked me to come to his party at Roselawn 10 the same night. Now, being the party animal that I am, I had intentions of going to all three parties and taking my fill. However, being the drunken chink bastard that I am, I passed out at 11:00. -Eugene Chung It is incredibly hot up here today. It's digustingly hot, the air is thick, sticky dirty fumes are emanating from strange places, and I'm afraid to move around too fast. I feel like I'm in someone's asshole. Not that I would know. -Kelli Church A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. -Winston Churchill History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it. -Winston Churchill I was told it had been blown up by Oliver Cromwell. I understood definitely that he had blown up all sorts of things and was therefore a very great man. -Winston Churchill

In this crisis I think I may be pardoned if I do not address the House at any length today, and I hope that any of my friends and colleagues or former colleagues who are affected by the political reconstruction will make all allowances for any lack of ceremony with which it has been necessary to act. I say to the House as I said to ministers who have joined this government, I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat. We have before us an ordeal of the most grievous kind. We have before us many, many months of struggle and suffering. You ask, what is our policy? I say it is to wage war by land, sea, and air. War with all our might and with all the strength God has given us, and to wage war against a monstrous tyranny never surpassed in the dark and lamentable catalogue of human crime. That is our policy. You ask, what is our aim? I can answer in one word. It is victory. Victory at all costs - Victory in spite of all terrors - Victory, however long and hard the road may be, for without victory there is no survival. -Winston Churchill in wartime, truth is so precious that she should always be attended by a bodyguard of lies. -Winston Churchill Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened. -Winston Churchill Never give in. Never. Never. Never. Never. -Winston Churchill Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning. -Winston Churchill Success is never final. -Winston Churchill When going through hell, keep going. -Winston Churchill You must sleep sometime between lunch and dinner, and no halfway measures. Take off your clothes and get into bed. That's what I always do. Don't think you will be doing less work because you sleep during the day. That's a foolish notion held by people who have no imaginations. You will be able to accomplish more. You get two days in one -- well, at least one and a half. -Winston Churchill

All the physics you have learned so far is massless, frictionless, and pointless. -Dr. Chyu You have been ordered to guard the President's life and to shoot anyone who attempts to get closer than 15 feet to him. While you are guarding him at a public occasion, a little, 6 year old girl runs at the President and gets too close. What is the first thing you feel after shooting her? -from an alleged CIA psychological evaluation A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the hope of greening the landscape of idea. -John Ciardi A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students. -John Ciardi Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea. -John Ciardi A room without books is like a body without a soul. -Marcus Tullius Cicero The national budget must be balanced. The public debt must be reduced; the arrogance of the authorities must be moderated and controlled. Payments to foreign governments must be reduced, if the nation doesn't want to go bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance. -Marcus Tullius Cicero if people dislike our government so much, why do so many line up to become citizens? -Tom Clancy The way it happens is that it happens and then you talk about it, rather than talking about it and then trying to make it happen. -Eric Clapton I can really identify with video games. The more I play them, the more I find they mirror the aggression and sex which I yearn for in my own life. -Paul Santa Clara

I don't know how it works in DC, but up here in Philly, people who quote the Cure aren't allowed to have opinions. -Paul Santa Clara When the final design seems too simple for the amount of work you've put in, then you know you're done. -Brady Clark Good music is the key to good design. Go out and get yourself some CDs with that big fat advance check from The Man. -Brady Clark Despite popular belief, clip art ce n'est un faux pas, much like using trite French expressions to hide that you don't know what you're talking about. -Brady Clark You are hearby being notified of my intent to sue MacinTouch.com for damages caused by snorking coffee up my nose while reading the April 1 edition of your web page. -John Clark Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. -Arthur C. Clarke It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value. -Arthur C. Clarke The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible. -Arthur C. Clarke There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum. -Arthur C. Clarke When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong. -Arthur C. Clarke

So, in the interests of balanced journalism, I managed to find a five-minute gap in the Marquess of Blandford's diary when he actually had a driving licence, and asked him to have a go. One hour later, he was back beaming the smile of a man who had been taken a little closer to Godhood: "You've got to understand a 911's little foibles. If you really understand these cars, you will know that this is just the best of them all." He is sitting behind me now, tied to the chair with a bar of soap in his mouth. And I won't let him go until he stops calling my Ferrari a Fiat and admits that the worst car in the world is not, as we had suspected, the Vauxhall Vectra. -Jeremy Clarkson I don't have a fear of flying. I have a fear of not flying. -Andrew Dice Clay The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them. -William Clayton America is the only nation in history which miraculously has gone directly from barbarism to degeneration without the usual interval of civilization. -Georges Clemenceau I don't think we should leave here with this vast sense of insecurity. We ought to leave here with a sense of confidence that this is a challenge that was entirely predictable. It's part of the price of the success of the Internet. -President William Jefferson Clinton When you're a Democrat, you win when people think. -President William Jefferson Clinton For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill. -R. Clopton After nearly a year of speculation and media hype, inventor and entrepreneur Dean Kamen will unveil "Ginger" on ABC's "Good Morning America" Monday, an invention that some say could change the world and others believe is a motor scooter. -CNN.com They keep telling us that in war truth is the first casualty, which is nonsense since it implies that in times of peace truth stays out of the sick bay or the graveyard. -Alexander Cockburn

We could start a bunch of foreign subsidiaries, and push all of our debt into them! That way our balance sheet would show nothing but profits! Profits here, debt there. Our debt would be taking a little vacation in the Caymans. In fact, I'm jealous of our debt, laying on the beach, getting a tan... -Stephen Colbert We talk about sex. Hefner has a sense of its history in America as another man might have a sense of his own hand. -Chris Colin, Salon so, today, I am going to do what any normal women in my position would do. I'm going to go shopping. -Kristyna Collier Fear is like the microwavable version of respect. It doesn't taste as good, but it's much easier to make. -Jack Collins I prefer "I got chunks of guys more punk rock than you in my stool!" But I don't judge a mundane by their clothes so much as by the fear in their eyes... -Jack Collins It would be damn hard to burn the library of Alexandria if it had mirror sites. -Jack Collins Try walking down the street chanting "Gun good! Penis Bad!" It's fun. -J.J. "Blackjack" Collins Better than The Anarchist's Cookbook? The babblings of a demented old man with alzheimer's disease is better than the anarchist's cookbook. -Mike Collins Oh, you're Eeyore! I know you, you're a doof-head! -Wallace Colyer True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost. -Charles Caleb Colton Many of the biggest, most exciting things in your life will happen because you made a bold and irrational decision. -Patrick Combs

Cousteau's films about the lives of sea creatures were perhaps the only french films in history to not feature nudity and a complex sub-plot about socialism. -Comedy Central News Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible. -Frank Moore Colby for nothing in this world can you trust....not man, not woman, not beast.... this you can trust. -Conan the Barbarian on his sword If language is not correct, then what is said is not what is meant; if what is said is not what is meant, then what must be done remains undone; if this remains undone, morals and art will deteriorate; if justice goes astray, the people will stand about in helpless confusion. Hence there must be no arbitrariness in what is said. This matters above everything. -Confucius Virtue is not left to stand alone. He who practices it will have neighbors. -Confucius Heaven has no rage, like love to hatred turned, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorned. -William Congreve You wanna know how to nail Capone? This is how you nail Capone: he pulls a knife you pull a gun, he puts one of yours in the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. THAT'S how you nail Capone. -Sean Connery in "The Untouchables" Jesus Christ, I've had more new good ideas this week than ... must be that new dog food. -Tom Connery Comprehension is a problem here. You want to begin your paragraph with a topic sentence, followed by two or three sentences that illustrate your point. Your final sentence should sum up and conclude what you said. Your above assault on English syntax should not be tolerated... -Fran Connor I hate this business. If I didn't hate getting up in the morning more, I'd chuck it all in and get a proper job tomorrow. -John Constantine

Only through hard work and perseverance can one truly suffer. -Cookie there is a time in every young boy's life when he realizes that he will never be able to have slo-mo undulating sex with kelly mcgillis while the air turns blue and "take my breath away" softly plays in the background. -Judith Cookson No matter how cool your interface, it would be better if there were less of it. -Alan Cooper Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. -Rich Cook He has a woman's name and wears makeup. How original. -Alice Cooper on Marilyn Manson To stop the flow of music would be like the stopping of time itself, incredible and inconceivable. -Aaron Copland The virgin kleenex tissue is difficult to coax, but once snared is quickly used and discarded. Thereafter, each tissue is always aroused and aflutter, eagerly awaiting the next juicy spillage. -Celeste Copland Who said personal expression has to be emotional and agonizing? Just use a computer. It's easy. -The Corporation That which does not kill us makes us hungry. -Lord Corun I've never met a human being who would want to read 17,000 pages of documentation, and if there was, I'd kill him to get him out of the gene pool. -Joseph Costello The world revolves around the sun, not your head. -Copernicus

We desperately need a buzzword compliant operating system that we can build on. -Carl de Cordova, Internet Evangelist, Apple Computer If the President protects you, Commander, he may have to do it with a bomb. Now I've known the man for fifteen years. The problem is: he will protect you. So I'm asking you: don't make him protect you. Don't get shot at. -Kevin Costner as Ken O'Donnell, Thirteen Days The government's logical calculus on flight security has long been: Really Annoying equals Safe Plane. -Ann Coulter We need to execute people like John Walker in order to physically intimidate liberals... -Ann Coulter Kids... fire up those crack pipes again! -Douglas Coupland TO: Hilary B. Rosen, President and CEO, Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA); FROM: David Coursey; RE: Stop whining and grow up -David Coursey We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey. -Stephen Covey And help me to remember..... When I'm having a really bad day, and it seems that people are trying to piss me off, that it takes 42 muscles to frown, and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me. -Joe Covington ...much of Usenet is essentially "My tribal deity can beat your tribal deity"! -Michael Covington I have no intention of scaring people. That's the administration's job. -Chris Cox Think all crack is created equal? What are you smoking? -Crack Afficionado

I'm not saying that you should sell something that isn't the truth, just that the inherent wisdom of your words may not be apparent to everyone. You can argue that it should be, but that will get you very nowhere, because these people come from a different planet then you do. -Alex Crain The Golden Rule is of no use to you whatever unless you realize it is your move. -Frank Crane Indifference is a militant thing.... When it goes away it leaves smoking ruins, where lie citizens bayonetted through the throat. It is not a children's pastime like mere highway robbery. -Stephen Crane Memory is like an orgasm. It's a lot better if you don't have to fake it. -Seymour Cray Parity is for farmers. -Seymour Cray I'd hate to think we're seriously hampering the productivity of America. But, on the other hand, what the heck! -Les Crane, computer game magnate, in "Time" Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix. Everyone knows power tools aren't soluble in alcohol. -Crazy Nigel You'll note I didn't post the link until my order was confirmed. I'm all about sharing the love, but not at the risk of having the love backordered. -CrazyUncleJoe, MetaFilter The Creation of the Universe was made possible by a grant from Texas Instruments. -from "The Creation of the Universe" on PBS

Human beings never think for themselves, they find it too uncomfortable. For the most part, members of our species simply repeat what they are told--and become upset if they are exposed to any different view. The characteristic human trait is not awareness but conformity, and the characteristic result is religious warfare. Other animals fight for territory or food; but, uniquely in the animal kingdom, human beings fight for their 'beliefs.' The reason is that beliefs guide behavior, which has evolutionary importance among human beings. But at a time when our behavior may well lead us to extinction, I see no reason to assume we have any awareness at all. We are stubborn, self-destructive conformists. Any other view of our species is just a self-congratulatory delusion. -Michael Crichton -The Lost World If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a RollsRoyce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside. -Robert Cringely With no debt and $10 billion in cash, Microsoft can buy or build any sort of future it wants. All the rest of us can do is lie back and think of England. -Robert Cringely He who stops being better stops being good. -Oliver Cromwell If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? -Kate Cronin pardon me for being crass but: who cares. -Kate Cronin Jabba the Hut has stolen the world's precious supply of Yoo-Hoo chocolaty beverage! -Kate Cronin Speak softly, move clandestinely, and carry a big carrot. -James Crotty Unprofessional? Us? Sir. Might I with due respect remind you that Mister Vandemar and myself burned down the City of Troy? We brought the Black Plague to Flanders. We have assasinated a dozen kings, five popes, half a hundred heroes and two accredited gods. Our last commission before this was the torturing to death of an entire monastery in sixteenth century Tuscany. We are utterly professional. -Mr. Croup, Neverwhere

My point? My point is that we are assassins. We are cutthroats. We kill. -Mr. Croup, Neverwhere Being more or less bankrupt, the best thing that we can do is to attack the problem afresh without preconceived ideas. Let us begin by doubting every statement. -Aleister Crowley Destiny is an absolutely definite and inexorable ruler. Physical ability and moral determination count for nothing. It is impossible to perform the simplest act when the gods say "no." I have no idea how they bring pressure to bear on such occasions; I only know that it is irresistible. -Aleister Crowley ...every man is a condemned criminal, only he does not know the date of his execution. -Aleister Crowley Existence, as we know it, is full of sorrow. -Aleister Crowley I have never grown out of the infantile belief that the universe was made for me to suck. -Aleister Crowley It sometimes strikes me that the whole of science is a piece of impudence; that nature can afford to ignore our impertinent interference. If our monkey mischief should ever reach the point of blowing up the earth by decomposing an atom, and even annihilated the sun himself, I cannot really suppose that the universe would turn a hair. -Aleister Crowley Love stories are only fit for the solace of people in the insanity of puberty. No healthy adult human being can really care whether so-and-so does or does not succeed in satisfying his physiological uneasiness by the aid of some particular person or not. -Aleister Crowley Practically all religions and all philosophies have started thus crudely, by promising their adherents some such reward as immortality. No religion has failed hitherto by not promising enough -Aleister Crowley The people who have really made history are the martyrs. -Aleister Crowley

The supreme satisfaction is to be able to despise one's neighbour and this fact goes far to account for religious intolerance. It is evidently consoling to reflect that the people next door are headed for hell. -Aleister Crowley Every evening I turn my worries over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway. -Mary C. Crowley Back then... those were the naive youthful days of Street Fighter II.... As opposed to the brutal harsh reality of Mortal Kombat II. -Andrew Crown Ringfinger? What is this? When are they going to play some Nine Inch Nails? -Andrew Crown No relation. Although we both need to get laid. -Andrew Crown Wow... I can't type any more... Mr. Happy can type for me. It's sort of a variation on that 'hunt and peck' thing. -Andrew Crown I'm not only fat but I'm drunk and I like to go to the movies. -Jennifer Crown The happiest people spend much time in a state of flow - the state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter; the experience itself is so enjoyable that people will do it even at great cost, for the sheer sake of doing it. -Mihaly Csikzentmihalyi CMU was a hard place. Human life was cheap. Respect for God and clean language was non-existant. Murder and death were the code of existence. Exceptionally foul language occurred nearly every three to four minutes. -Cube, Forum2000 Science and engineering research are inherently depressing. You spend all your time working on a problem confused. If you cease being confused, it means that you've solved the problem and move on the next one. Thus, 99% of your time is spent in a state of confusion. -Cube, Forum2000

Sendmail is my life. Sendmail sucks. Therefore, my life sucks. -Nick Cuccia It's too much of a hassle to have fun. -Sarah Cullen Kids are dumb....but they're also smart. -Sarah Cullen There's just too much going on in the world. No really, I mean it! I'm serious! -Sarah Cullen Why is everything I say so dumb? -Sarah Cullen Warning: Not a religion, do not worship. -Cult of Pac Man To be nobody-but-myself -- in a world that is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else -- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting. -e. e. cummings This explains a lot about me. I thought it was the heavy drinking, the late hours, the barking mad women, the lying around in bed reading novels and eating Nescafe out of a jar with the spoon. But it's because of the Mac. -Tony Cunningham I never see what has been done; I only see what remains to be done. -Madame Curie If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you flick our ears, do we not go 'Ow! Ow! My ears!?' -Curried Goat Style over substance. -Cyberpunk motto