Purity 101: Learning The Basics Of Sexual Thought Purity

Purity 101: Learning the Basics of Sexual Thought Purity

IMPORTANT: This curriculum is designed for class discussion. Therefore the lessons are short and primarily contain primer questions to start relevant conversations. The workbook is simply to be used as a guide for discussion. For workbooks that focus more on individual growth visit www.bebroken.com or call 1.800.49.PURITY.

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Purity 101: Learning the Basics of Sexual Thought Purity Copyright © 2004 Jonathan Daugherty All rights reserved. No part of this workbook may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system without written permission from Be Broken Ministries, 18965 F.M. 2252, Suite 101, Garden Ridge, TX 78266. Printed in the United States of America. Requests for information, or to order additional workbooks, should be sent to: Be Broken Ministries 18965 F.M. 2252, Suite 101 Garden Ridge, Texas 78266. If you would like to contact Jonathan Daugherty, you may do so by email at [email protected].

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Table of Contents Welcome to Purity 101

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Purity & Sexual Dependence Lesson 1: Personal Evaluation Lesson 2: Factors leading to a sexual habit Lesson 3: What perpetuates the cycle of sexual acting out? Lesson 4: Admitting the struggle Lesson 5: Understanding the struggle Lesson 6: Finding Freedom

Page 9 Page 17 Page 19 Page 21 Page 25 Page 27

Purity & Shame Lesson 7: What is shame? Lesson 8: The spiral of shame Lesson 9: The effects of shame Lesson 10: Freedom from shame Lesson 11: The “Balanced Life”

Page 31 Page 33 Page 35 Page 37 Page 39

Lesson 12: Moving beyond Purity 101

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Appendix A: The 4 Pillars of Purity Appendix B: Additional Purity Resources

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Welcome to Purity 101 Greetings fellow purity pioneer. The curriculum you are about to work through is fundamental to understanding how to live a biblical lifestyle of sexual thought purity. This information is invaluable in your pursuit of holy living in a world full of sexual temptation and innuendo. Work hard on incorporating the principles of purity outlined within these pages into your daily life and you will reap the rewards of a fulfilled existence. This short curriculum is divided into two main sections: Purity & Sexual Dependence and Purity & Shame. Sexual sin is progressive, so if left to its own momentum in your life it will ultimately lead to addictive patterns. Not everyone who struggles with sexual temptation is a sex addict. But if proactive work in the area of sexual thought purity is not sought, addictive, or ‘dependent,’ patterns will develop. Shame is the driving force behind any addiction. It may not have started the behaviors, but it keeps them going. It is critical to understand the role shame plays in the arena of sexual struggles in order to overcome negative patterns and enjoy the fruits of pure living. I am excited about what God is going to do in your heart and mind as you work diligently through the material enclosed in these pages. This isn’t rocket science, but skillfully applying the principles of purity will make you stand out in a culture that has lost its bearing on the biblical standard for purity. Be bold and courageous as you become the person God intended you to be. Yours for purity, Jonathan Daugherty Be Broken Ministries, Inc. IMPORTANT: This curriculum is designed for class discussion. Therefore the lessons are short and primarily contain primer questions to start relevant conversations. The workbook is simply to be used as a guide for discussion. For workbooks that focus more on individual growth visit www.bebroken.com or call 1.800.49.PURITY.

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Purity & Sexual Dependence

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Lesson 1: Personal Evaluation Welcome to Lesson 1 of Purity 101. Purpose of Purity 101: To develop a greater understanding of sexual temptations and the disciplines necessary to overcome destructive compulsive thoughts and behaviors. The Purity 101 class curriculum is meant to help initiate quality discussions and help each class member gain greater insight into their personal struggles with sexual temptation and establish solid strategies for overcoming various pitfalls. Personal Evaluation Worksheet Complete the Personal Evaluation Worksheet located on the following pages to determine where you stand in your battle with sexual purity. Questions for Class Discussion: 1.

When you hear the term ‘sexual addiction’ what comes to mind?

2.

Most people would not be classified as sexual addicts, but rather ‘sexual strugglers.’ Would you be willing to admit to being a sexual struggler who is not 100% pure in thought and action 100% of the time? If so, how does such an admission change your perspective on others who struggle with sexual temptation?

3.

After completing your Personal Evaluation Worksheet, what was your reaction to your overall purity “score?” Did it surprise you? Was it better or worse than you expected? Discuss your answers.

4.

What new things did you learn about yourself when you worked through the Personal Evaluation Worksheet?

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Personal Evaluation Worksheet Introduction One of the 4 Pillars of Purity (see Appendix A for more information) is evaluating your current situation (“Understand Triggers”). You must be aware of your primary outlets to which you inappropriately act out sexually. Once you understand your tendencies and “triggers” you are better prepared to take action against them and live for purity instead. Instructions First, take the purity test. Then proceed to the Personal Evaluation Worksheet. If you have questions regarding the use of this worksheet please call 1.800.49.PURITY or visit www.bebroken.com.

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Purity Test Find out your purity “score.” Take the following survey to find out if you may be struggling with a sexual addiction. (Adapted from Sex Addicts Anonymous) Yes

No

Questions Do you keep secrets about your sexual or romantic activities from those important to you? Do you lead a double life? Have your needs driven you to have sex in places or situations or with people you would not normally choose? Do you find yourself looking for sexually arousing articles or scenes in newspapers, magazines, or other media? Do you find that romantic or sexual fantasies interfere with your relationships or are preventing you from facing problems? Do you frequently want to get away from a sex partner after having sex? Do you frequently feel remorse, shame, or guilt after a sexual encounter? Do you feel shame about your body or your sexuality, such that you avoid touching your body or engaging in sexual relationships? Do you fear that you have no sexual feelings, that you are asexual? Does each new relationship continue to have the same destructive patterns, which prompted you to leave the last relationship? Is it taking more variety and frequency of sexual and romantic activities than previously to bring the same levels of excitement and relief? Have you ever been arrested or are you in danger of being arrested because of your practices of voyeurism, exhibitionism, prostitution, sex with minors, indecent phone calls, etc.? Does your pursuit of sex or romantic relationships interfere with your spiritual beliefs or development? Do your sexual activities include the risk, threat, or reality of disease, pregnancy, coercion, or violence? Has your sexual or romantic behavior ever left you feeling hopeless, alienated from others, or suicidal?

If you answered yes to more than one of these questions you may have a sexual dependency.

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Personal Evaluation Worksheet Instructions 1. 2. 3.

List the top 3 inappropriate ways you act out sexually (i.e. view pornography, masturbation, fantasizing, etc.). Record the frequency of your acting out. With outside help (counselor, pastor, group leader, etc.) create a plan of action for each sexual outlet listed.

If you have questions regarding the use of this worksheet please call 1.800.49.PURITY or visit www.bebroken.com. Top 3 Sexual Outlets – List the top 3 inappropriate ways you act out sexually. 1.

2.

3.

Frequency of Acting Out – Write in each outlet from above in the appropriate blank below. Then circle the closest average frequency of acting out per week for each outlet. Outlet #1:

< 1 time

1-2 times

2-5 times

> 5 times

Outlet #2:

< 1 time

1-2 times

2-5 times

> 5 times

Outlet #3:

< 1 time

1-2 times

2-5 times

> 5 times

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Plan of Action – Develop a specific plan of action for each of your top 3 sexual outlets. Outlet #1: How I will recognize this outlet:

How I will respond to triggers:

Scripture of encouragement & strength:

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Personal Evaluation Worksheet (continued) Outlet #2: How I will recognize this outlet:

How I will respond to triggers:

Scripture of encouragement & strength:

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Personal Evaluation Worksheet (continued) Outlet #3: How I will recognize this outlet:

How I will respond to triggers:

Scripture of encouragement & strength:

Share your Personal Evaluation Worksheet results with a trusted friend or Purity 101 class members.

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Lesson 2: Factors Leading to a Sexual Dependency Welcome to Lesson 2. What causes a person to eventually become enslaved to a sexual habit? The following are some of the most common factors that lead to sexual dependency: ™ ™ ™ ™ ™ ™ ™

Abuse – sexual, emotional, physical, etc. Trauma – accident, fearful experience, etc. Exposure to porn Unmet emotional needs – primarily from childhood Depression – chemical imbalances, mood patterns Spiritual bondage Chemical addiction – alcohol, drugs, prescription meds, etc.

Questions for Class Discussion 1.

Why do you think these factors could lead a person to sexual dependency?

2.

Are there any other factors that you believe should be listed but are not?

3.

How have you dealt with your own negative factors that have influenced your sexual habits? Have your methods worked? If so, share some ideas with the other class members. (Remember, everyone is different. So, what worked for you may not necessarily resonate with someone else.)

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Daily Prayer Journal Begin a Daily Prayer Journal. It is important to write down what God is teaching you on your personal purity journey. Begin journaling your thoughts and prayers to God. This is your private journal so be completely honest and open. Do not withhold any feeling, frustration, or finding. We all need a healthy outlet for expressing our deepest feelings, and journaling can be a great way to do this. Begin today!

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Lesson 3: What perpetuates the cycle of sexual acting out? Welcome to Lesson 3. What exactly drives your sexual habits? Sexual dependency goes much deeper than physical acting out. There are emotional elements that perpetuate the cycle of acting out. The following is a short list of some such elements: ™ Fear – of being exposed, of having to give up your addiction, of lifestyle changes ™ Shame – demeaning yourself because of your behavior, poor self-esteem ™ Lack of accountability & support – unwillingness to be transparent with others ™ Ignorance – misunderstanding of sexual dependence & lack of education Questions for Class Discussion 1.

Why do you believe the factors mentioned above cause sexual dependency to continue and grow?

2.

What are other factors that could perpetuate sexual habits?

3.

How can these emotional elements of addictive behavior be confronted and managed?

4.

Share your number one factor that proves to be an obstacle to your experiencing consistent sexual thought purity.

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Lesson 4: Admitting the Struggle Welcome to Lesson 4. Admitting that you have a problem with sexual temptation is the first step toward becoming a person of purity. Confession is another way to express brokenness. You must be broken over your sin in order to tear down the walls of pride and lay a solid foundation of truth from which you can build a life of purity. The essay on the following pages illustrates this point. Questions for Class Discussion 1.

Why is admitting your struggle with sexual temptation so important to being a person of purity?

2.

What biblical principles are you following by admitting your struggle?

3.

How does admitting your struggle differ from brokenness?

4.

What function does brokenness serve in helping you maintain a lifestyle of purity?

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Is Brokenness Really Necessary? by Jonathan Daugherty Is brokenness really a necessity in a believer’s life? When you place your faith in Jesus Christ for your salvation, what can you expect? Why does it often seem that life becomes more difficult after our conversion than before? These are some tough questions that we all face in our Christian walk. I face them on a daily basis. Many times I run from these questions because they are hard to answer and even harder to ask. But we must face these questions if we are to establish a firm foundation for our faith. “You don’t understand my situation," you might say. "I have a besetting sin that I just have to live with. It’s just the way things are going to be. I don’t expect to ever have control over it.” Is this your attitude toward the sin and difficulties in your Christian walk? I must admit that I am drawn toward such attitudes often. But to set up camp there is to stymie our Christian faith and deny the freedom Christ offers. I am convinced that one of the favorite “tools” God uses to bring His children to a proper understanding of Christian living is brokenness. He persistently uses this tool to mold our spirits in conformity to Jesus Christ. And it really shouldn’t come as a surprise to those of us who are saved. If you think about it, our entire nature was eternally altered at the point of our salvation. We are new creations (II Cor. 5:17). We have a new home in heavenly places (Eph. 2:6). We are no longer under the condemnation of God (Rom. 8:1). We have been crucified with Christ (Gal. 2:20). We are also raised with Christ (Rom. 6:5). These truths bring to light the great struggles we now face as Christians. We are new creatures spiritually, yet living in an old, sin-infested body physically. This body of ours is referred to as the flesh. Our flesh is that part of us that longs for everything this world has to offer. Everything from power, to lust, to greed, to selfishness, and on and on. And these temptations of the world are relentless in their pursuit of our souls. And while our soul can never be totally lost again to the world, our lives can become so diluted with the world’s system that we do not honor God in our actions. We deceive ourselves into thinking we are whole when we are very, very empty. So, how does God respond to children who are being duped by the world’s lies? He responds with the truth of His Word. And this means that there are principles at work in His creation designed to draw us back to Him. These principles include both the physical AND the spiritual. For instance, if I throw

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a ball into the air the principle of gravity will pull it back to the earth. This is a physical principle. But there are also spiritual principles at work around us. “A man reaps what he sows.” This is a spiritual principle. If I choose to sow seeds of unrighteousness, the Bible tells me I will reap death. But if I choose to sow seed of righteousness, I will reap life. Does this have anything to do with my salvation? No, not at all. These are universal principles that apply to everyone, believer or unbeliever. This brings us back to the question of how brokenness works in a Christian’s life. If I am a believer and have a poor understanding of God’s Word in my life and continue to drift in and out of the world’s lies, how does God get me back on track? I believe, in most cases, He draws us back to Himself through the spiritual principles that He has placed in our world. I do believe there are some instances in which He intervenes directly, but I think they are the exception and not the norm. The natural consequences of breaking the spiritual principles of God will produce a broken heart. And out of our broken heart we see our desperate need for God our Savior. Because we love God and are His children, when we disobey, or sin, we will be hurt in our spirit. This is a natural consequence. This would only make sense, knowing that God hates sin. To put it in practical terms, if I disobeyed my father, not only would it hurt him, but my spirit would be wounded also. I am still his son and he is still my father, but there is a wound in our fellowship. To continue in disobedience would only increase the size and pain of that wound. My father’s hope is that eventually the wound will become so painful and bothersome that I would come to him, seeking forgiveness, healing, and restoration. This is the general concept of God’s use of brokenness in our lives. When we come to Christ for salvation life oftentimes becomes more difficult. This is because our spiritual nature has changed forever but we remain in our flesh. Thus begins the process of being broken. But we have the choice of how long and painful the breaking process needs to be. If I make wise choices and turn to God quickly out of my sin or disobedience, I will experience a less painful breaking process. If I remain stubborn and rebellious, it will be a long, hard road ahead. We must never belittle the great work of brokenness in our lives. Without being broken of the ties to this world we have no hope of becoming like our savior Jesus Christ. So, we must embrace the brokenness we face, mourn the wounds our disobedience creates, and rejoice in the salvation that God has

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granted us. Without His salvation we would not be able to endure being broken. One other thing: let us not make excuses about personal “vices.” We ALL have besetting temptations that Satan constantly reminds us about. We ALL feel inadequate at times of the tasks and ministries God calls us to. We ALL hide our true selves to some extent. The sooner we can admit these universal truths to others and to ourselves, the sooner we will live in freedom from the bondage of fear. Without fear there is freedom to experience the great grace of God, even in the midst of our brokenness. Published September 2002 on Bebroken.com

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Lesson 5: Understanding the Struggle Welcome to Lesson 5. Admitting the struggle is the first step to purity. Understanding why you struggle is the second. When you learn what legitimate needs you are attempting to meet through your sexual habits you will be able to develop the skills to meet your deepest needs through intimacy with God and other believers who love you. All addictive behaviors are an attempt to meet legitimate emotional, spiritual, or physical needs through unhealthy means. The following are some questions to ask yourself in order to better understand your struggle: 1.

When do you normally act out sexually? What events or circumstances usually precede your acting out? (i.e. argument with spouse, long day at the office, etc.)

2.

What emotions regularly accompany your pull toward acting out? (i.e. anger, sadness, disappointment, loneliness, etc.)

3.

What is your perception of God? (Be honest!) How do you view God and His disposition toward you and your struggle with sexual sin?

4.

What is your “favorite” (most used) method of acting out? (i.e. viewing porn, masturbation, soliciting prostitutes, visiting strip clubs, etc.)

5.

How well did your parents meet your emotional and spiritual needs as a child? How do you think this has affected your adult relationships?

6.

How do you respond to the truth that God loves you…period? Can you freely receive His love and grace? What obstacles are preventing you from doing so?

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Questions for Class Discussion 1.

Was this lesson difficult? If so, what parts were particularly hard for you? Share your thoughts and feelings with other class members.

2.

How well do you understand your struggle with sexual sin? Will you commit to becoming a student of yourself in order to understand the details of your struggle? Ask another class member to join on your journey of self-exploration.

3.

How well does God understand your struggle? Could you invite Him into this area of your life so you could gain His perspective and instruction on how best to move forward?

4.

What are some additional questions you could ask yourself to gain a greater understanding of your sexual struggle?

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Lesson 6: Finding Freedom Welcome to Lesson 6! Freedom from sexual dependency IS POSSIBLE! Say it again. “Freedom from sexual dependency is possible.” You have just spoken words of HOPE. Lustful habits produce thoughts and feelings of despair. The solution to despair is hope. True hope is found in knowing the Truth (Jesus Christ) and trusting His ability to set you free. Freedom from your sexual habits is a combination of two basic elements of Christian living: 1.

TRUST

2.

OBEDIENCE

Trust You must trust God and what He says is true in order to enjoy freedom from sexual dependence. Trust is a process of seeing God demonstrate Himself faithful over and over in the daily grind of life. God is more than willing to prove His trustworthiness to us – even though He doesn’t have to. Jesus said, “You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free.” He also stated, “I am the way, the TRUTH, and the life.” To know Jesus is to know the truth. Therefore, the closer you get to Jesus the more you will know the truth, and in turn, will find the freedom you desire. Trust requires letting God be in control. This will be uncomfortable at first because you have chosen to live your life according to how you feel rather than according to God’s best. But as you let go of the reigns of your life and allow God to direct, you will gain an intimacy with the Savior that is unique and deep. Trust paves the way to a lifestyle of purity.

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Obedience “To obey is better than sacrifice…” (1 Samuel 15:22b). God wants you to follow Him completely. Not because He is some big killjoy out to make your life miserable. In fact, He desires your obedience for exactly the opposite reason. To obey God is to do what is best for your life and relationships. Your sexual dependency leads you away from the protection and blessings of God. You cannot experience peace, joy, and true satisfaction apart from your heavenly Father. So, to continue your sexual habits in disobedience to God’s leading is to rob yourself of all that is good and wonderful about life - true life. Obedience requires that you first know what is right, then act on such knowledge in the trenches of everyday life. To know what is right is to learn God’s Word. To apply it is to submit the authority of God’s Holy Spirit and follow His lead. Easy to say, hard to do. But God never asks you to do anything He won’t provide the means to accomplish. Trust and obey For there’s no other way To be happy in Jesus But to trust and obey Questions for Class Discussion 1.

Do you believe freedom from sexual dependency is possible? If not, why not?

2.

How has God proven Himself trustworthy in your life? How has His faithfulness been demonstrated in the past week in your purity struggle?

3.

How well are your surrendering to God’s control and following His desires for purity in your life? What is preventing you from submitting?

4.

Why is it so critical to trust and obey? Share your thoughts with your Purity 101 class members.

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Purity & Shame

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Lesson 7: What is Shame? Welcome to Lesson 7. Shame, simply stated, is the belief that I am defective as a person. Best-selling author John Bradshaw describes shame as, "the all-pervasive sense that I am flawed and defective as a human being." Shame is different from guilt. Guilt is focused on behavior: “I feel guilty for doing…” Shame is focused on ME: “I am ashamed that I am…” As Psychologist Norman Wright puts it, "Guilt says `I have made a mistake;' shame says 'I am a mistake.'" Deep down shame tells me that I am unfit and rotten. You need to understand shame in order to live free from its effects. There are numerous ways that shame can be manifested in a person’s life. Here are just a few ways that shame might manifest itself in your thoughts and beliefs: What Shame Says About Me: ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

I am evil I am wicked I am without hope I am despicable I am unforgivable I am stupid I am unchangeable I am a liar I am worthless

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

I am not a good person I am undesirable I am a loser I am abnormal I am a pervert I am pathetic I am a monster I am repulsive I am sick

Upon first glance some of these statements may appear true, and even “spiritual.” Yet, that is the lie that fuels shame. As you will see a little later, once you have been redeemed through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, you are made righteous in God’s sight. All your ‘defectiveness’ was dealt with at the cross of Christ.

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Questions for Class Discussion 1.

What is shame?

2.

What is the difference between shame and guilt?

3.

In what ways do you shame yourself? Share the most recent battle you had with shame in association with your sexual struggle.

4.

Think about the idea of God’s creation being without defect, including how he designed you. How does that make you feel? Do you have a hard time believing it? If so, why?

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Lesson 8: The Spiral of Shame Welcome to Lesson 8. In order to live free from the damaging effects of shame you must first understand how shame operates in your life. There is a definite cycle (or ‘spiral’) that most individuals experience in regards to shame. We will summarize this spiral with the following, progressive statements: 1. 2. 3. 4.

“I am defective as a person” “My ‘defectiveness’ makes me unlovable” “I must compensate for my defectiveness” “All my physical efforts to soothe pain lead to more shame”

These four statements are the typical cycle in which many sexual strugglers find themselves trapped. For more in depth analysis of the spiral of shame we suggest the workbook Understanding Shame: Breaking the Power of the Addictive Spiral (see Appendix B). The deepest need of every human being is to know the unconditional love of our Creator. God put that longing in each human’s heart. When we become trapped in the cycle of shame we believe the lie that we are unlovable, due to our perception of being defective as a person. If we believe we are unlovable, then we must believe that God cannot love us. This produces deep pain within our soul because God created us to desire His love more than life itself. When we perceive that such a desire cannot be met, we will do unbelievable things in attempts to ease that pain. Thus, the cycle of shame progresses and we feel helplessly and hopelessly ensnared.

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Questions for Class Discussion 1.

What is the cycle of shame and how does it appear in your life?

2.

How have you felt unloved in your life? Discuss the events or relationships that have wounded you.

3.

How do you compensate for your perceived defectiveness as a person?

4.

What is your greatest need as a human being? Is it being met?

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Lesson 9: The Effects of Shame Welcome class. Understanding the cycle of shame is the first step in being able to dismantle it from your life. The second step is being able to recognize the damaging effects shame produces. The entire premise of shame is based on falsehoods. Shame never says anything good or positive about you. You are never enough for shame. It is never satisfied. So, how does a person consume such lies to a point that they dictate his every behavior? It is based on the principle of thoughts affecting belief, and beliefs affecting behavior. Thoughts Thoughts are what you let your mind dwell on. The easiest way to define thoughts is those images, perceptions, and ideas that you receive into your mind and allow to remain. When you view pornography or other sexually stimulating material you are developing a pornographic thought system. You are essentially compiling a library of thoughts dedicated to pornography. If these thoughts are allowed to remain they will cultivate an entire belief system. A belief system based on lies. The importance of managing your thoughts cannot be overstated when it comes to their effect on your life. Your mind is the gateway to every decision you make, good or bad. Therefore, if you want to combat the lies of shame you must battle the thoughts that reinforce shame. Beliefs If you allow your mind to focus on certain thoughts over and over they will develop into beliefs. Beliefs are thoughts that shape how you perceive the world around you and how you are to react and respond to it. If you believe something to be true it doesn’t necessarily mean it is. Beliefs in and of themselves are subjective because the truth of the belief rests in the object of the belief.

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If thoughts shape your beliefs, then what do beliefs influence? Beliefs influence your actions. Every decision you make is backed up by a belief. Every decision! If you think about it long enough you will realize this to be true. Even simple decisions like turning on a water faucet or sitting in a chair are influenced, ultimately, by your beliefs. Actions Beliefs are the ignition and fuel of actions. When repetitious thoughts have formed deeply ingrained beliefs, your actions will fall in line with such a belief system. Actions can be subtle, however, and a person can be involved for years in behaviors that he or she doesn’t deem harmful. Because actions always follow suit to your beliefs, they will also progress (or digress, as the case may be) the more developed and false your belief system becomes. Therefore, since addictive behavior always progresses to a deeper level to maintain the same “high,” your actions will become increasingly risky and even dangerous. Your actions may be what are seen, but the belief system is what has to ultimately change if you are ever to have hope of freedom. And hope is precisely what shame is out to destroy. Questions for Class Discussion 1.

What is the mental/emotional/spiritual progression that leads to entrapment in the deception of shame?

2.

What is the importance of your thoughts in this progression?

3.

What are some of your addictive behaviors? What false beliefs can they be traced back to?

4.

What are some proactive steps you can take to train your mind to be on guard against false beliefs and hopelessness?

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Lesson 10: Freedom from Shame! Welcome class. Finally, we have come to the place where we can speak of hope and freedom from this beast of shame. There truly is wonderful hope of release from the grip of shame on your life. It comes over time and with the proper understanding (and application) of the truth of Scripture. The entire issue of shame and its destructive power was dealt with fully on the cross through the perfect sacrifice of Jesus Christ. He met the full force of shame and defeated it head on. Your hope for freedom from shame is found in a relationship, by faith, with Jesus. The following statements1 are what the Word of God says about who you are in Christ. Notice the vast difference from what shame has to say about us (Lesson 7). What God Says About Who I Am In Christ: o o o o o o o o o

o o

o o o

I am the salt of the earth (Matt. 5:13) I am the light of the world (Matt. 5:14) I am a child of God (John 1:12) I am part of the true vine, a channel of Christ’s life (John 15:1,5) I am Christ’s friend (John 15:15) I am chosen and appointed by Christ to bear His fruit (John 15:16) I am a slave of righteousness (Rom. 6:18) I am enslaved to God (Rom. 6:22) I am a son of God; God is spiritually my Father (Rom. 8:14, 15; Gal. 3:26; 4:6) I am a joint heir with Christ, sharing His inheritance with Him (Rom. 8:17) I am a temple – a dwelling place – of God. His Spirit and His life dwells in me (I Cor. 3:16; 6:19) I am united to the Lord and am one spirit with Him (I Cor. 6:17) I am a member of Christ’s Body (I Cor. 12:27; Eph. 5:30) I am a new creation (II Cor. 5:17)

o I am reconciled to God & a minister of reconciliation (II Cor. 5:18, 19) o I am a saint (Eph. 1:1; I Cor. 1:2; Phil. 1:1; Col. 1:2) o I am God’s workmanship – His handiwork – born anew in Christ to do His work (Eph. 2:10) o I am a fellow citizen with the rest of God’s family (Eph. 2:19) o I am righteous and holy (Eph. 4:24) o I am a citizen of heaven, seated in heaven right now (Phil. 3:20; Eph. 2:6) o I am hidden with Christ in God (Col. 3:3) o I am chosen by God, holy and dearly loved (Col. 3:12; I Thes. 1:4) o I am a son of light and not of darkness (I Thes. 5:5) o I am one of God’s living stones, being built up in Christ as a spiritual house (I Pet. 2:5) o I am an alien and stranger to this world in which I temporarily live (I Pet. 2:11) o I am an enemy of the devil (I Pet. 5:8)

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Living free from shame will require that you have an attitude of perseverance, endurance, and responsibility. You must persevere when you become discouraged or hit bumps in the road. You must endure through valleys of failure or intense struggles. You must take the “long view” of freedom and be willing to take responsibility for “renewing your mind” day by day, moment by moment, with the truth from God’s Word. If you do, you will experience freedom from shame and become most effective in living a full, abundant life. Questions for Class Discussion

1

1.

What statements about who God says you are in Christ stood out to you? Why?

2.

Why is it so important for us to renew our minds with God’s truth?

3.

What are some ways you can improve your understanding of God’s Word?

4.

How well are you cultivating an attitude of perseverance, endurance, and responsibility when it comes to your struggle?

Victory Over the Darkness by Neil T. Anderson (Pages 45-47, © 1990, Regal Books)

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Lesson 11: The Balanced Life Welcome to Lesson 11. Does freedom from habitual sin occur because of God's deliverance or because we willfully practice principles of freedom? The answer to this question is not an "either or" but simply YES. There is a balance between God's provision of righteousness and our responsibility to act on that provision. This truth is brought to light in the book of Ephesians. I don't profess to be a biblical scholar or someone who has a superb understanding of all the truths of the Bible, but I do believe there are many principles in Scripture that are abundantly clear. The principle of "balance" seems to be one. Let me define the principle of balanced living before diving into Ephesians. The balanced life principle is simply understanding what God has provided for me by salvation through Jesus Christ and then acting on such provision according to His Word. Let's see what Ephesians has to say about living a balanced spiritual life. Chapter 1 of Ephesians outlines the provision God has given His children through His sovereign salvation in Jesus Christ. Verse 3 states, "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ." This tells us that through Christ we received every spiritual blessing the moment we placed our faith in Him. And throughout the entire first chapter of Ephesians we are told of what this conversion means to us: ™ ™ ™ ™ ™

God chose us (v. 4) We are holy and blameless before God (v. 4) We are accepted by God (v. 6) We have been redeemed and forgiven (v. 7) We have received a spiritual inheritance (v. 11 & 14)

Wow! Look at all that we have been given through faith in Christ (and these are just the tip of the iceberg of spiritual blessings). All this occurred the moment we were saved. But why is it that we don’t always live in light of these truths? In fact, many Christians live in bondage to a particular sin. How can this be? We have been given so much?

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I believe we remain entrapped in besetting sins because we fail to understand the principle of balance. Many of us hear of the great grace of God and His power and might to set captives free, but we fail to pay any attention to our responsibility in the process. We essentially see God as a giant genie...if you rub Him just right He will give you your wish to be free. Wrong! God provides the tools, the avenue, and the power, but He chooses to include us in the journey. The book of Ephesians goes on to tell us of our responsibility to respond to the great provisions God has made for us. Chapters 2-3 make it clear that our freedom and salvation rest squarely on the grace of God through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, and the implications to us of such a sacrifice. Then in chapters 4-6, Paul (the writer of Ephesians) gets down to the nitty gritty, roll up your sleeves issues of our role in living righteously. In 4:1 it says, "I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called." Here we see the transition we must make from having knowledge of all that God has provided for us through Christ and then taking responsibility for such knowledge in how we conduct ourselves. The best illustration of this "balanced life" principle comes in the final chapter of Ephesians, verses 10-18. This exhortation is for us to take up the armor of God in our battle against the devil. You see, we think we are fighting a battle against shame or some other sin, but the reality is we are fighting a battle "against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places." (v. 12) Our battle is spiritual. Our struggle with a particular sin is simply a physical manifestation of something far deeper and deadlier. This is why we are told in verse 13 to "take up the whole armor of God that you may be able to withstand in the evil day." Because we do not fight a physical battle we cannot use physical armor or weapons. The crux of this verse is the relationship between what we must do and whose armor we are donning. The armor is the Lords because our abilities are useless in spiritual warfare. But it is you, and it is I, who must "take up." God does not dress us for battle...that is our responsibility.

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Questions for Class Discussion 1.

How do you respond to all the spiritual blessings God has given to you by faith in Christ? What feelings does this create in you?

2.

Are you taking responsibility for your role in receiving God’s provision for freedom? If so, in what ways? If not, why not?

3.

How do you exercise your faith and hope in God daily? How can you if you aren’t doing so right now?

4.

What are some practical ways you can “take up” the armor of God in your battle for purity?

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Lesson 12: Moving Beyond Purity 101 Welcome to Lesson 12. This Purity 101 class curriculum only scratches the surface when attempting to deal with the many facets of developing a lifestyle of sexual purity. We hope that you will continue your personal journey day-by-day after finishing this course. What is the next step? Build a vision for purity! You need a vision, a purpose, a goal for your journey. Simply saying, “I want to be pure” is pretty general and undefined. Building a vision requires seeking God’s purpose for your life, studying Scripture to learn about healthy sexuality, and pursuing with passion the desire to live a holy life. Vision takes thought, energy, and commitment. And for a purity vision to succeed it must involve others. Build a team of purity partners! Teamwork is essential in sustaining a solid purity plan. You just can’t consistently live in purity in your own strength. You need other people in your life who are willing to challenge you, encourage you, and support you in your quest. Seek out likeminded individuals who also have a personal vision for purity. Essentially, you are seeking to build true friendships with people who care about you and want to see you reach your full potential in Christ. Build a plan for purity! Having a vision for being a person of purity is the right start, but planning is required to achieve the mission. Planning for purity also will require the help and input of your purity partners. When you have a team of like-minded people backing your plan, you are much better equipped to tackle the tough struggles that occur in the fight for sexual thought purity. As you build your plan remember the 4 Pillars of Purity: o o o o

Profess the Struggle Understand Triggers Relate with God Engage Others

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Questions for Class Discussion 1.

What is your vision for purity? Share this with at least one other person in your Purity 101 class

2.

Why is it so important to have others join you in your personal battle for sexual thought purity?

3.

Have you developed a purity plan? If not, set a date to have your plan complete and begin to implement it into your daily life. Share this information with at least one other person in your Purity 101 class.

4.

What other proactive steps are you planning to take in your pursuit of purity? Write them down and share them with your Purity 101 class members.

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Appendix A – The 4 Pillars of Purity The following represent what we believe to be the 4 primary disciplines necessary in a person’s life in order to live every day in sexual thought purity. These pillars must all be present and intertwined in order to experience the best that biblical purity has to offer. These disciplines form the acrostic P.U.R.E. This will make it easy to assess if you are implementing these pillars for living a P.U.R.E. life. 1. PROFESS THE STRUGGLE (CONFESSION) - Without confession of having a problem there is no hope for finding long-term freedom. A person may be able to change behaviors for a short period of time without fully admitting the depth of their struggle. But if you want long-term, consistent freedom from porn and sexual addiction you must admit the degree to which you struggle - to yourself and others. 2. UNDERSTAND YOUR “TRIGGERS” (HONESTY) - Evaluation involves getting honest with yourself and determining the things that "set you off" (triggers) and lead you to sexual acting out for relief. This process can take some time since it involves evaluating not only your behaviors but also the motivation behind the behaviors. A reputable Christian counselor can help you cultivate this discipline. 3. RELATE WITH GOD (HUMILITY) - Apart from the healing power of Jesus Christ we can never know ongoing freedom from porn and sexual addiction. It is vital that we grow in our understanding of the TRUTH. Many of us have spent so many years in lies & deception that it can be difficult to see and believe what the truth really is - especially about what God says about who we are in Him ("There is now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" - Romans 8:1). 4. ENGAGE OTHERS (ACCOUNTABILITY) - This principle is just as vital as relating with God. Without the honest, open communication with another person who understands your struggle, you will continue to fall again and again. We do not seek to create "perfect" people but we do seek to teach people how to ENGAGE with others in authentic relationship. Pornography and sexual sin only encourage disconnection from people, the very opposite of what we need the most if we are going to live free.

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Appendix B – Additional Purity Resources Understanding Shame: Breaking the Power of the Addictive Spiral Shame cripples our effectiveness for God. We spend more time focusing on our deficiencies and less time relying on God for strength and resolve against sin. Shame attacks us at the core of our being and withers our hope of walking in purity. We need freedom from shame if we are ever to live in spiritual wholeness. The Understanding Shame workbook provides the tools you need to break free from the trap of selfabusive thoughts. Use the workbook individually or in a group setting. Each chapter is followed up with thought provoking questions to help you dive deeper into understanding how shame is affecting your life - and how to live free from such negative effects. The Handbook for Hurting Wives How to respond to your spouse’s secret sexual struggle.

This resource is invaluable to wives who have been hurt by their husband’s sexual struggles. This workbook helps wives learn: • Seven basis spiritual truths • How to manage her emotional trauma • Insights into the male sexual struggle • Do's & don'ts when dealing with his struggle • 30 days of daily devotions And more...

Additional resources from Be Broken Ministries: The First 7 Days booklet 40 Days of Purity workbook Beyond 40 Days workbook Pure Life calendar My Purity Journal Visit www.bebroken.com or call 1.800.49.PURITY to find out more about these and other purity resources.

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