Position Paper On Divorce-12

A Position Paper On Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage from a Scriptural Perspective I. The Need The divorce rate in the United States is about 50%. Unfortunately, the rate among born-again, spirit-filled believers is about the same. Consequently, the churches are awash with divorced people, seeking to remarry and get on with their lives. Some traditional, legalistic church leaders see only widows and widowers in a position to remarry, with the possible exception of adultery on the part of one of the marriage partners. If one holds this view, based only on the “hard scriptures”, then myriads of people will spend the rest of their lives on the human scrap heap. Some of these folks may abandon the church and seek sexual relationships outside churchsanctioned marriages. Others may unite in civil marriages or simply live together. The purpose of this paper is to search scripture for proper, legitimate solutions for these highly complex problems. II. Marriage First, let us look at what the scripture says about marriage. Way back in Genesis, in the garden, God said it is not good for the man to be alone, so he made a helpmeet for Adam (g\Gen. 2:18). In Gen. 2:20-24, we read that Eve was created to be Adam’s wife and that God created the institution of marriage. These concepts are thoroughly and heartily confirmed by Jesus (Mat. 19:5-6 & Mk. 10:7-9). Not only do these references say that man and wife are joined together by God, but a stern warning is given to mankind not to break up what he has joined together! In Hebrews 13:4, we read that marriage should be honored by all. This is why the wedding liturgy of many traditional churches speaks of marriage as an honorable estate. This same verse also tells us that the marriage bed should be kept pure because God will judge adulterers and all sexually impure. Thus it is abundantly clear that God created and blessed marriage (of one man and one woman) as the way to procreate (Gen. 2:18) and to have mutual pleasure, companionship and support. Also, in 2 Cor. 6:14, Paul tells us that believers should not marry unbelievers. III. Divorce God has exactly the opposite view of divorce. In Malachi 2:13-16, he reaffirms the sanctity of marriage and declares his hatred for divorce. According to Jesus, Moses allowed divorce because of the hardness of men’s hearts; but said it was not this way from the beginning (Mat. 19:8). Accordingly, Moses gave laws permitting divorce and regulating it and its consequences. In Leviticus 20:10, we read that an adulterer and the corresponding adulteress (his friend’s wife) 1

shall be put to death, presumably by stoning, in John 8:3-11, we read that a woman, caught in the act of adultery, was brought to Jesus for judgment. Thinking to trap Jesus, referring to the above Leviticus passage, they said Moses taught that she should be stoned. However, due to their masculine hypocrisy, they did not bring the adulterer to Jesus. The Old Testament scriptures give unchastity or indecency as grounds for divorce (Deut. 24:15). This same passage tells us that if the woman he divorced remarries and re-divorces, he is forbidden to remarry her. The O.T. Scriptures do not otherwise forbid remarriage. The O.T. Scriptures give reasons why a man may not divorce a wife and discuss in detail marriage violations and punishments (Deut. 22:13-30). If a believer, in the church age, is having severe marital problems, and is contemplating divorce, every effort must be made to reconcile the believer to his/her spouse (1 Cor. 7:11). However, in such cases, common sense must be exercised. For example, the marriage counselor should not tell a woman victim of spousal abuse, who is in fear for her life, to return to an unrepentant or mentally deranged husband. These sorts of things will be discussed more completely in the section below. IV. Remarriage After Divorce N.T. Scriptures about divorce and remarriage are more complete, adding new prohibitions to remarriage. In Mat. 5:31-32, 19:1-9; Mk. 10:1-12 & Lu. 16:18, Jesus lays down his rules regarding divorce and remarriage Remarriage is permitted if immorality or unchastity (adultery) is the cause of the divorce (Mat. 5:32 & 19:9.) Otherwise, a man or a woman who marries a divorced person commits adultery. However, as we shall see below, Paul permits remarriage on grounds of desertion. In 1 Cor., 6: 9-10, Paul lists several types of sinners who will not enter the kingdom of God. Among these are the sexually immoral, the adulterers, the homosexuals and (male) prostitutes. However, in the very next verse (11), it is critical to note that although some Corinthians were like that, they are now washed, sanctified and justified in the name of Jesus and by the Holy Spirit. Thus, it is unequivocally clear that these repentant sinners, saved by grace, were lovingly forgiven and restored by the lord! In verse 18, Paul tells us to flee from sexual immorality (as Joseph fled from Potiphar’s wife, Gen. 39:11-23), thus avoiding sexual immorality in the first place. In verses 19-20, Paul reminds us that we are temples of the Holy Spirit and we have been bought with a (very high) price. In chapter 7, Paul gives a discourse on marriage, divorce and remarriage. However, in verses 1, 7 and 8 and repeatedly in this chapter, he gives some personal advice, saying that it is better not to marry. Later, in verse 28, he gives the reason for this thinking; he wants to spare people the troubles that often come to married folks. The following little parenthetical digression, speculative though it is, may shed some light on Paul’s views on marriage. At least three times (Acts 23:6; 26:5 & Philip. 3:5), Paul stated that he

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was a Pharisee. It is said that proper Pharisees were required to marry at some “right” time in their lives. On these grounds, some authorities speculate that Paul was married at one time in his life and for some reason(s), found this state to be intolerable, or perhaps his wife passed away. If this supposition is correct, it could explain why Paul held this guarded view of marriage. However, before being carried away by such possibilities, we must never forget that Paul also said that all scripture is inspired by God (2 Tim. 3:16). Thus, he included his own writings as inspired. Nevertheless, Paul goes on to reaffirm marriage as a contract between one man and one woman (verse 2). In verses 8-13, he restates the divorce-remarriage commandments of Jesus. In verses 14 and 15, Paul, on the basis of his apostolic authority, introduces concepts not mentioned in earlier scriptures. In verse 14, he says that the believing spouse sanctifies the unbelieving spouse, and thus the children of their mixed marriage. Later in the chapter (verse 16), Paul opens the door to the possibility that the witness of the believing spouse may save the unbelieving spouse. However, most interesting of all, in this chapter, is what is stated in verse 15. Here, Paul introduces the concept of desertion of the marriage. Although he speaks here of desertion by an unbeliever, the concept applies to any desertion by any marriage partner. Paul says that the partner thus abandoned is no longer bound by the marriage contract. Thus Paul introduces the immensely important concept of the innocent party. The concept of desertion or abandonment also applies to situations where the husband is physically present, but has deserted the marriage by committing spousal abuse (Eph. 5:25-33). Therefore, spousal abuse is constructive desertion or abandonment. Finally, Paul restates the obvious, that the marriage partner whose spouse dies is free to remarry, but he adds, only to a believer (1 Cor. 7:39). All of the occurrences of key words in the hard scriptures pertaining to divorce and adultery are listed below, (but without references) along with the number of occurrences. Divorce Divorced Divorces Total = 26 Adultery Adulterer Adulteress Adulterous Total = 80

13 7 6 33 3 11 7 – 54

Immorality Unchastity Grand total = 106

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Now the thrust of this paper will transition to the softer scriptures, which are in tension with the hard scriptures listed above. Before doing that, it is helpful to recall that other scriptures are also in tension with one another. For example, the scriptures which teach free will (John 3:115-18; Rom. 10:11) are in tension with those which teach predestination (Rom. 8:29-30, Eph. 1:5, 11). Also, those which teach eternal security (Jn. 10:27-30) are in tension with those which teach falling from grace (Gal. 5:4; 1 Cor. 16:2). Since the greatest theological giants of the church age have struggled with these concepts, and since we know that god is not divided, it is obvious that these tensions remain mysteries. Therefore, we must familiarize ourselves with these important scriptures. We must also keep an open mind and a teachable spirit, not rejecting any of these concepts. Now, moving on with the softer scriptures, as mentioned above, in 1 Cor., chapter 6, verse 11, Paul says that some of the Corinthians were guilty of sexual sins, but were then forgiven and justified. How did this come about? Obviously, they confessed, repented, threw themselves on god’s mercy, became born again and were forgiven of all their unrighteousness. (1 Jn 1:9). The whole of the gospel teaches that all have sinned and fallen short of god’s glory (Rom. 3:2126). Thus, Jesus’ blood, shed on the cross, has covered all sins committed prior to new birth, by faith, are forgiven and forgotten by God (1 Cor. 13:4-6; Ps. 103:12-14). Therefore, it is quite certain that all sins committed prior to conversion are under the blood, including adultery and divorce. Therefore, these should not be held against the believer. Thus, all other things considered, the evangelical church should not hesitate to remarry believers in this situation. Now, let us summarize what we have said about divorce and remarriage. At the outset, Scripture says clearly that a person may remarry if his/her spouse has died (Rom. 7:1-3, 1 Cor. 7:39). Second, spousal unfaithfulness, i.e., adultery, is proper grounds for divorce and remarriage (Matt. 5:39, 19:9). . Third, spousal abandonment of the marriage, in its several forms, is proper grounds for divorce and remarriage. Finally, we have said that events prior to conversion, including adultery and divorce, are not to be held against the believer. Now we are faced with the vast number of divorced people who do not fall neatly into any of the above categories. These folks are those who have “messed up”. Many of these people are young, with virtually their whole lives before them. What is the Evangelical, Spirit-filled church, acting in obedience, love and compassion, to do with them? Traditionally, some liturgical and Evangelical churches, acting on the hard scriptures alone, have relegated these folks to the unmarriagable, Spiritual scrap heap. Thus, these divorcees, seeking remarriage, were turned away and left to their own devices, outside the nurture and admonition of the Lord through His church. We have looked at most of the relevant hard scriptures, finding them to be relatively few, compared to the plethora of soft scriptures. For example, the words listed below are often used in the soft scriptures.

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Love Loved Loves Loving Lovingly Lovingkindness Subtotal

367 62 83 4 1 175 692

Mercy Merciful Mercies Subtotal Compassion Compassions Compassionate T0tal Grace Gracious Graciously Subtotal Forgive Forgives Forgiven Forgiveness Forgave Subtotal Grand total

91 10 7 108 92 2 13 107 122 66 6 194 56 2 43 18 6 125 1126

Thus, it is obvious that the soft words are plentiful indeed. The last category of divorced people to be considered here is the one where the people have been divorced on grounds not specifically sanctioned for remarriage by Scripture. This is certainly the largest group of divorcees. When the Spirit-filled church encounters these folks, serious counseling is necessary. If the divorcees are back-slidden believers, steps must be taken to restore them to proper standing and fellowship with the Lord (Gal. 6:1-2). Restoration must include confession and repentance (1 Jn. 1:6-10). This Scripture and many other similar ones are unconditional, i.e., they do not say except for adultery, sexual sin and the like. If both people who want to be remarried have been divorced previously, both should be so counseled.

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In counseling, the counselor should gently suggest some of the factors which can break fellowship with God, and the spouse. Perhaps the back-slidden believer was one who mistreated his/her spouse in some way, embittering him/her. Perhaps he/she has let his/her prayer life or Scripture reading slide. Perhaps they have neglected going to church with other believers (Heb. 10:25). There are many other factors which may have led to the divorce(s). All such sins and misdeeds should be sincerely confessed and repented before remarriage can be considered. If anybody seeking remarriage is an 6nbeliever, a sincere effort must be made to lead him/her to Christ so that all previous sins can be confessed, repented and forgiven. Then, the Spirit-filled church can remarry them. Many of us (as born-again believers) have messed up, some of us quite badly. Yet we preach that these sins will be forgiven upon confession and repentance. If we look at the lives of some biblical characters, we see more evidence of forgiveness. As an example, the Apostle Peter, as a born-again believer, denied the Lord three times, (Mat. 26:75) but in the same verse, Peter repented and wept bitterly. Peter was forgiven, restored and went on to be the strong early church leader we read about in Acts, having led the first Gentiles to the Lord (Acts 10). King David, a man after God’s own heart (Acts 13:22), messed up very badly. He saw beautiful Bathsheba, lusted after her (despite having several wives at the time), committed adultery with her, tried to cover it up and finally had her husband killed in battle (2 Sam. 11 &12). However, David repented and went on to be Israel’s greatest king. Jonah was a disobedient and fearful prophet, who tried to run away from God’s command to preach against Nineveh’s sin (book of Jonah). Yet, Jonah confessed, repented and preached To the great Assyrian city and it too repented. There are many other people in Scripture who were apparently living mostly Godly lives, but who needed to confess and repent before God could use them. Thus it is that God does not write off his imperfect children, but “retreads” repentant people, giving them a second chance in order to use them for his purposes. Lest some in the church may take issue with this Scripture-based position, let him recall what Jesus said about committing adultery in the heart (Matt. 5:28). Is there any believing man, who having done this and penitently confessed such adultery, feels that God withholds forgiveness? While it is true that we can’t look at the heart, God alone can do that and He must judge all who profess to believe. It has been said that although we cannot judge people, we can certainly inspect and evaluate their fruit (Matt. 12:33). As mentioned previously, only God can see the heart. Thus, the ultimate test of the presumably confessed, repentant and forgiven person, who remarries after divorce, is by the life lived (the fruit) after. Such things as he/she continuing to live a consistent Christian life, continuing to have fellowship with the saints and raising children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord can indicate a sincere commitment to the Lord..

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Unfortunately, it is clear that we can know none of these things at the time of counseling. Nevertheless, it is our position that the Evangelical, Spirit-filled church, in these times, must offer an opportunity for divorced people to remarry and get on with their (Godly) lives in the fellowship of the church. Therefore, the church should prepare a policy on divorce and remarriage, based on the Scripture-based principles set forth in this paper. May the Lord guide and direct us as we try to be His instruments and facilitators in bringing about reconciliation and redirection in the lives of the divorcees He has brought to us.

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