Peer-editing The Shi Huang Di Essay

PEER-EDITING THE SHI HUANG DI ESSAY Your name: ________________________________ The person who wrote the essay: ___________________________ OK. Let’s look at the big picture. Does it have three paragraphs? ____________ Does it have a title? ____________ Does it have the person’s name on it? ____________ Let’s look at the introductory paragraph. Does it contain historical context to tell you when and where? ____________ Underline the thesis statement. Put a box around the counter-argument. Put a box around the central argument. Put a box around the two vehicles/PERSIA GEMs. Which PERSIA GEMs did the writer use? ____________ and ____________ Is the writer missing part of the thesis statement? ____________ If yes, which parts? _____________________________________________ Does the thesis statement make logical sense? ____________ Let’s look at the first body paragraph. Does it have a topic sentence that uses a vehicle from the thesis statement? ___________ Underline this topic sentence. Color the first piece of evidence YELLOW. Color the analysis for the first piece of evidence GREEN. Does the writer have both parts? ____________ If not, which one is missing? _________ Color the second piece of evidence YELLOW. Color the analysis for the second piece of evidence GREEN. Does the writer have both parts? ____________ If not, which one is missing? _________ Does the analysis for the pieces of evidence make logical sense? ____________ Does the analysis answer the question “so what?” ____________ If not, can you make any suggestions for the writer to answer “so what?” Write this on the margin of the essay. Does this body paragraph have a transition sentence? ____________ Let’s look at the second body paragraph. We are going to repeat the process above. Does it have a topic sentence that uses a vehicle from the thesis statement? ___________ Underline this topic sentence. Color the first piece of evidence YELLOW. Color the analysis for the first piece of evidence GREEN. Does the writer have both parts? ____________ If not, which one is missing? _________ Color the second piece of evidence YELLOW. Color the analysis for the second piece of evidence GREEN. Does the writer have both parts? ____________ If not, which one is missing? _________ Does the analysis for the pieces of evidence make logical sense? ____________ Does the analysis answer the question “so what?” ____________ If not, can you make any suggestions for the writer to answer “so what?” Write this on the margin of the essay. Does this body paragraph have a transition sentence? ____________

Now, let’s look at the quotations. Find the direct quotation(s) in this essay. Is/are it/they compelling? ____________ Is there parenthetical citation for it/them? ____________ Is/Are the citation(s) in the correct format? ____________ Find the paraphrased quotations. You should be able to tell because these are the evidence that have parenthetical citations but no quotation marks. Is there parenthetical citation for it/them? ____________ Is/Are the citation(s) in the correct format? ____________ Let’s take a look at grammar and conventions. Are things spelled correctly? ____________ Circle misspelled words. Are words carefully chosen? ____________ Circle word choices that are awkward or give the wrong impression or change the writer’s meaning. Find your list of things NOT to do in an essay from Mr. Kornberg (and added to it by me). Find anything from this list? Circle them. It’s your turn. Give the writer some constructive, helpful advice or suggestions to improve this essay. It can be grammar, sentence structure, word choices, phrasing, choice of evidence (maybe there are stronger evidence out there?), strength of analysis, etc. _________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________ Are you done early? Find someone else’s essay to edit!