Of Studies By Kevin Pagaddu

Of Studies? (about seeing and nothing) I once landed in a conversation with one of my kelis, admiring and praising writers’ prodigious talents. In that same conversation, I expressed my envy for those writers and that I wanted also to become one, to which my keli responded, “keli before you become a writer, you should be a reader first.” When he realized I wasn’t planning on saying something, he went on by asking, “What books do you read ba keli?” I thought about it and said, “I’m reading Pugad Baboy, Kikomachine…” I was cut short when he interjected “comics naman!” then he laughed sarcastically in a mocking tone. His sort of a mockery about the things I’m reading didn’t offend me though, I found myself completely immersed ruminating and remembering the books I have read. I was even reflecting (or trying at least) if whether I could become a good writer someday or not. So, I tried to recall the books that at least influenced my kind of thinking, knowing that a writer only writes what he reads and that he is what he reads. I was blessed with a good memory so to my little surprise, I was able to recall most of the books I’ve cherished and have influenced me. Some of the relatively few books that influenced me are some comic strips like Medina ’s series of Pugad Baboy,and Abrera’s Kikomachine comics. Some satirical books of humor and parody about life and everything, the Philippine society and 21st century dating like Bob Ong’s ABBNKKBSNPLA Ako?, Bakit Baligtad Magbasa ng Libro ang Mga Pilipinio?, Ang Paboritong Libro ni Hudas, Alamat ng Gubat (kuwentong pambata para sa matatanda), Stainless Longganisa and McArthur, Atalia’s Peksman! Nagsisinungaling ako, mga kuwentong di kapanipaniwala,and Ledesma’s Lies My Yaya Should Have Told Me. Some novels like Gaarder’s Sophie’s World, Exupery’s Little Prince, Brown’s Angels and Demons, Rowling’s Half-Blood Prince, and Deathly Hallows, Meyer’s Twighlight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn. The first and second book (still waiting for the third installment) of the action and adventure packed novel the 39 clues, Kuzneski’s Sign of the Cross, Winston’s Good Grief, and Bobis’ Banana Heart’s Summer. I also have in me some

collection of essays (recently acquired and are included in my favorites) like Kennedy’s The Pain of Being Human, Tomas’ Wala Lang and Katigbak’s The King of Nothing to Do. I’m not trying to brag the books I have read or trying to endorse them either. It’s just that these are the books I read and these are me! They somehow define who I am. So, to the question “could I become a good writer someday?” Read my books! To be a good writer requires a good reader. The books will serve as the driving force to one’s idea for one to write. Thus, maybe the reason why I was laughed at when I stated the books I read (especially the Pugad Baboy) was that, to my keli, the books I mentioned are senseless and nondescript to his criteria of “what is a good book?” (Aside: My keli is a good writer. I also look up to him as a good reader so, basically I can’t blame him if my books seem paltry to him. End Aside.) But sometimes the “goodness” of a book may be relative needless to say; I find my books really good and substantial too. Bacon on his essay Of Studies stated, “Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested.” But I think there’s more. I personally believe that every single book can be tasted, swallowed, chewed and digested, if not simultaneously, sporadically. Every book or magazine be it a joke book or a pornographic magazine has something to be gleaned from. It’s just that we are myopic that we fail to unearth the grains of wisdom that lie underneath. Take for example the case of a joke book or a pornographic mag! At first glance, we only would see a humor filled book and a provocative magazine that arouses the libido of a person. But if we try to look deeper, we will see that a joke book, while it’s true that it is superficially humorous, is not an ordinary book, for it shares to us the beauty of a happy and joyful life brought about by the euphoric feeling of everyday’s laughter. Whereas, a pornographic magazine (Aside: don’t get me wrong here pls. I’m not fond of pornographic magazines or whatsoever. I’m just trying to prove my point. Okay? End Aside.) shares to us insights about our propensities to libido. If we could only look deeper to it, we would see that it’s trying to tell us the opposite. Beneath it is a voice telling us these things you now see or read are not actually what you think they are. They only take advantage of your mind’s frailty and weakness. Yes! It may be true that these things are expedient to your sexual cravings,

but at to what extent? Until such time you fall and can no longer stand? Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! But of course, we fail to realize these things for we are already blinded by our biases and prejudices. If we could only acquire X-ray visions or better still, if we could only trade our biases and prejudices to microscopic eyes then it would be possible for us to see deeper and understand better why such books are written like that or why such persons are acting like that. And if we were able to do that, wouldn’t it be lovely if we live in a world full of understanding and serenity? Wouldn’t it be great if we are in harmony to every creature and being around us? I’m not proffering here of us thinking alike. What I’m trying to say is that, it would be best if everybody refrains from clashing and just get along. It’s true that these are just theoretical ideas of an idealistic person, who is prone to egregious acts. But if you have “the eyes” to be able to see deeper, you’ll be experiencing the epiphany that there’s more to what I’m saying. But if you can’t, then it’s time for you to visit an ophthalmologist, acquire some glasses and see! As to my ambition of being a good writer someday, only the books I read can tell. It’s up to the books I read to make my kismet as a writer. But for now, I’ll be contended first on rummaging different books for mental satisfaction…let’s see. Hmmn?

-kooky 03/03/09