My Revised Narrative Essay

Young 1 A’Breya Young Ms.Wilson Period 3 27 Feb 2019 Dealing With the Tragedy of Death Even a person with the heaviest heart of grief wouldn’t understand what I would do to hear his voice when I first walk into a room, his jokes that would make me smile from ear to ear, and his singing that would make the whole world stop and want to sing along in harmony. Why would God take this unique, beautiful soul away from this Earth?; I’d think as I lay in my bed during a sleepless night. I still ask this question today; however, I swallow the big pill of curiosity and worship my Lord believing soon, only soon will I see my Uncle Kenny again in the Kingdom of Paradise. When I was 14 my Uncle Kenny passed away. I can still remember that night hearing the phone ring and seeing the look on my father’s face. He wanted to hide the truth from my mom; however, she could read him like a book. The next thing I knew, water swelled in her eyes and all she could do was scream. Oh those screams just made my heart deflate like a balloon and all I could do was cry. You may think that I was crying because of the death of my uncle. However, it was more so seeing my mother in so much pain. I ran to my sister’s room to see her sitting staring in space. “ Did you hear?” I asked. “Yes.” my sister responded in a quiet tone. I began to say something else when we heard banging and my mother saying “why lord why !” “What is my mother supposed to do? God WHY!”. Anger enveloped me. Why would God allow my family to go through so much pain? We worshipped, obeyed and followed God’s word and what

Young 2 did we get in return, losing someone so close to our hearts. As these thoughts circled my mind, I began to hear a prayer coming from my parents room. It was my father. When hearing this my sister and I went into the room seeing my mother laying on the bed as my dad continued to pray which calmed her down. I went on one side of my mother with my sister on the other and we just hugged her. The last thing I remember is whispering in my mother’s ear “ We got you Mama and we're going to fight through this together. I love you”. Days passed by and my mother fell into a great deal of depression. Phones were ringing all the time as my family began to plan my uncle’s funeral. When a date was set for his homegoing, my family and I drove to Georgia. When pulling up into my grandmother’s driveway, my hand began to feel sweaty and my heart was racing at a 1000 mph. Just thinking about seeing my Grandma made my heart just want to shrivel up. She just lost her son which I can imagine was the hardest thing she had to go through. I knew I had to wear the mask of happiness and paint on a smile for her sake. Soon after everyone arrived at my grandmother’s house, we prayed together as the cars pulled up to take us to the church. While waiting to enter the sanctuary, minutes felt like hours. The fact that my uncle passed away still didn’t settle in my mind. Finally it was time for my family and I to view my uncle’s body one last time. As my sister and I were walking hand in hand to the casket, it felt as my feet had chains with weights on them. My body physically didn’t want to come to the realization that he was gone. “Just a few more steps” I thought and the hard part is over. Just when I walked up to his casket my leg began to shake and it felt like my body was shutting down. Just as my sister saw the look on my face, she ushered me to my seat as we waited for the preacher to give his message to a broken family. Toward the end of the service, my uncle’s close friend sang a song that will always be deep in

Young 3 my soul. The words that were coming from his mouth was fuel to start up my faith in Christ again. ​“Give me Jesus, you can have all this world, but give me Jesus”. After my family and I parted ways after the funeral, gatherings and conversations became very minimal. Noticing this my grandmother would try to set up different events for my family however, they never took place. I began to think the devil was feeding my family with stupidity. My Uncle, their cousin, brother and friend just died and they still hadn’t learned about the gift of life? Did they believe that death had a clock? If so what would it take for them to discover the truth? Another life being taken away? I have to admit as time has gone by, some of my family have began to talk to each other again however there will always be a missing piece to our puzzle and for that I don’t know if there will ever be a happy ending to this story.

Narrative Essay Rubric (Honors) Score: 45/50 W.9-10.3​. Write narratives to develop real or imagined experiences or events using effective technique, well-chosen details, and well-structured event sequences.

Standard 3.a​. ​Introduction​ Engage and orient the reader by setting out a problem, situation, or observation, establishing one or multiple point(s) of view, and introducing a narrator and/or characters; create a smooth progression of experiences or events.

Exceptional (10-9) ❏

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Effectively sets out a problem, situation, or observation in a compelling and/or creative manner

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Establish an insightful, original, or creative point of view

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Introduce a ​complex and/or creative narrator, characters, setting, and main idea

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Utilize ​two or more (teacher discretion)

9

3.b. ​Narrative​ - ​Use narrative techniques,

Effectively hook the reader with a creative, original, and compelling hook

Proficient (8-7) ❏

Hook the reader with a compelling hook

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Effectively sets out a problem, situation, or observation

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Establish an insightful point of view

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Introduce a narrator, characters, setting, and main idea

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Utilize narrative techniques such as

Emerging (6-1)

Not Evident (0)

Young 4 narrative techniques with purpose: dialogue, pacing, description, reflection, multiple plot lines, etc…

such as dialogue, pacing, description, reflection, and multiple plot lines, to develop experiences, events, and/or characters. ❏

Develop experiences, events, and/or characters and to clearly develop a purposeful theme

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Use ​purposefully narrative techniques such as foreshadowing, dramatic irony, suspense, and/or flashbacks in a ​highly effective manner​ ​to create an original plot structure

8.5

3.c​. ​Organization​ - ​Use a variety of techniques to sequence events so that they build on one another to create a coherent whole. 9

3.d.​ ​Language​ - ​Use precise words and phrases, telling details, and sensory language to convey a vivid picture of the experiences, events, setting, and/or characters.

dialogue, pacing, description, reflection, and multiple plot lines ❏

Develop experiences, events, and/or characters in attempt to convey theme

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Use appropriately techniques such as foreshadowing, dramatic irony, suspense, and/or flashbacks

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Create a smooth progression of experiences or events that is logical and engaging

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Create a smooth progression of experiences or events that is logical, ​creative, and sophisticated ​and that uses ​highly engaging devices

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Use precise, detailed and ​sophisticated words, phrases, and sensory language​ to engage the reader ​and convey a​ ​vivid picture

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Use precise and detailed words, phrases, and sensory language to convey a vivid picture

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Provide a conclusion that reflects on what is experienced, observed, or resolved

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Provide a conclusion that reflects on what is experienced, observed, or resolved

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Extends the meaning and purpose to connect to the audience ​and​ ​convey a complex and original theme

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Extends the meaning to convey a theme

10 3.e.​ ​Conclusion​ - ​Provide a conclusion that follows from and reflects on what is experienced, observed, or resolved over the course of the narrative. 8.5

Young 5