My 3 Step Learning Process Rrnge

What I am about to tell you is sort of strange. At least to me it is. It started out as a journey to understand myself. Then It turned into something like a full time job doing research. Then, It became what I would like to call enlightenment. Bruce Lee Bruce Lee described three different stages in the cultivation of jeet kune do.

The first stage is the primitive stage, in which a person is totally ignorant of martial arts knowledge and uses natural instinctual response to defend or attack in a fighting situation. At this stage, natural instincts alone prevail without thought process of right or wrong techniques.

The second stage is the mechanical stage, in which a person learns controlled techniques by training. At this stage, the person trains the mind into new habits of thinking (the mental) and the body into new habits of action (the physical). Unfortunately, the fluidity found in the first stage is lost and learned techniques (the mechanical) prevail over the instinctual response.

The third and final stage is the stage of formless form. At this stage, the martial artist understands his techniques where they become part of his spontaneous reaction.

1.) Primitive 2.) Learning 3.) Unlearning To me I interpreted this as 1.) bike 2.) learning the bad and good traits in riding a bike 3.) pushing all limits in the bike riding experience This is simple enough right? If you live long enough, you will see this played out over and over in your mind and real life. It doesn't stop there though. This thing that I have learned, unlearned and become primitive at has reached new highs and lows. My latest revelation insists that I am a product of bullying! Simply stated I looked at the world as a child until something or someone changed that for me. And insist that I see the world as a violent place not to love but to abhor. In this

quickening of the spirit I learned how to be extremely mean. My lessons towards the vehemency of life began not only to attack my name. It attacked my mind, my eyesight my brain my heart my dreams my family my sanity. Simply put, bullying is someone or something using fear to control you. Or, not allowing a person to speak, feel, or behave in a normal fashion.

Primitive As a child I first learned to sleep away my uncomfortable stresses. It was easy. No food on the table... Sleep till there is some. neighborhood bullies outside circling your apt complex for days.... Sleep till they leave. Mom and Dad tossing each other around the house ... Sleep till the morning. Homosexual family member waiting for you to fall asleep.... Sleep outside on the roof. Something told me to sleep cause Joy comes in the morning. Sometimes literally! Christmas eve no presents under the tree with my name in them.... You know what I did all that night... Sleep! I slept so much because there were so many stresses in my life I didn't know of any other answer that would compare to sleeping something off and letting time heal the wound. I remember I used to have nightmares about some foreign country bombing us and I would have to save myself and everyone around me because I didn't think they would know what to do in case something this terrible would to happen. I dreamed of it so much that I know what I would do in every instances. Of course nothing like that has ever happened but It set me well on the path to " If you stay ready... you don't have to get ready"! What I was teaching myself as a young age was to internalize my problems and let my sleeping subconscious deal with the problems instead of worrying about things.

Therefore when things happen I would act on instinct instead of logic or an this case thinking of a way out. As I got better at dreaming I began Lucid Dreaming when I was about 10 years old. I began controlling the outcome of my dreams any wonderfully blissfully or terribly twisted way I wanted to. It was up to me I could kill my best friend. I could have sex with my grandmother if I wanted to. (hypothetically speaking of-course) Or, I could find a cure for AIDS and Cancer mixing dirt samples from every dirt source on earth. ( Hypothetically speaking again ) All I am saying is there are answers not always good answers and not always bad answers. But there was guaranteed an answer. Sometimes I would dream the wrong answers until they run out. Then, I'd be flooded with nothing but good answers. Sometimes it was the other way around. All I knew was that Life was bullying me and I now had insight to maintaining my sanity in this sometimes overbearing world. Real life let me know Quickly I was a looser. I Dreamed I was unstoppable invincible indestructible and of all things READY. Ready for whoever, whatsoever and furthermore.... Bring it! With nothing more than my imagination I conceived victory over everything in my path. That's when I woke up my Gay brother was trying to put his balls in my mouth while I was asleep trying to take a Polaroid of his whole adventure while I slept on the couch. He was relentless in letting me know he was gay and that he would make me gay if I didn't do what he told me to do. Or Id wake up in class teacher yelling at me cause of my school work... telling me to go to the principals office for the hundredth time this semester. Either way I was doomed from the start. In the learning stages of my dreams I didn't quite know what to do with them. I just knew it was fun. Later as I got older I began to act out my frustrations instead of internalizing them.

I would lash out. People would get hurt. Girlfriends would get hurt. Family members would get hurt I couldn't keep any friends because I internalized my own fears for so long. My eyes told a story all they're own. Some would say I had the look of "Bad Intentions" in my eyes. I knew it was there but I couldn't tell you why. People would try to bully me and they paid for it. I never brought terror to anyones doorstep. If they got it they must have asked for it.

This is where my learning began. I had a plethora of emotions burnt into my soul by things I didn't understand. I understood that It hurt and it hurt a lot. I asked myself over and over again. Why cant I be normal like everyone else? Why cant anybody see what going on? Why when I look with my own two eyes I'm the problem? But, when I close both my eyes I'm not the problem they are? Why should I be faulted if someone picks a fight with me if I win? Why is it ... the only time I'm not a scar is from afar? Why don't people know how to do a simple thing like love? Love for no reason.... simply love because they don't do anything else.... just love? The answer I dreamt up is that people don't know how to do this simple task. People use the name of love in vane.... To me this is no accident. There is a purpose for people to not know what love is or how to love. The answer is they have not asked God for love! or genuinely loved God not with your mouth but with you heart/soul/spirit Unlearning stage Jesus loves me this I know for the bible tell me so. I learned this song/scripture when I was in Sunday school. I reflect on the times when I saw Gods Love. AND NOW. I LOVE GOD

This kind of love is the only kind of love! The kind of love that allows me to love myself as well as my enemies. Foreign or Domestic! This to me is my cure for curious case of Hyper-vigilance associated with PTSD. Today 30 years later My mind went from lucid dreaming to lucid nightmares to lucid day-dreaming and lucid day-mares Then back to the original preponderance God ~RRNGE