Matisse Final[1]

Garrett Fine After attending UCLA, Garrett started a famous rap group called Ghetto Fly Menorah, who had many hit singles, including “The Bolton Song”, “Ms. Bramlett”, and “Tickle Me Colin”. After going triple platinum with his debut album “Kosher Beats”, Garrett Fine bought the rights to the popular MTV show Pimp My Ride, resulting in a huge ratings drop due to the fact that all he pimped were crappy old vans. He lived a long and happy life, buying West Coast Customs and coproducing albums with Kanye West and Jay Z. Towards the end of his life, Garrett gave up music and turned to sheer recreation. He died one night when he was 73, after he lit a big screen T.V. on fire, and it blew up in his face. ==================================================================== Marshall Mears After high school, Marshall spends a few years being a nonconformist and trying to start a revolution. However, Mears had a sudden epiphany after a near fatal hacki sack accident. He was scared straight, and acquired a newfound respect for authority and discipline. He gained fame with his novel, The Lords of Discipline 2: The Marshall Mears Story. He then returned to Bayside and replaced Mr. Carroll, spending his days yelling at kids about haircuts and issuing uniform infractions. ==================================================================== Stephen Ballard After graduating high school, Stephen Ballard went on to a very successful four years playing Samford baseball. However, as he and his wife Kayley prepared for the Major League Baseball draft, Stephen lost his life in a tragic accident involving a hair dryer. However, his legacy lived on, as before his death, Ballard had created a revolutionary new hair spray to prevent helmet hair. His product went on to produce millions, and The Ballard Corporation made generous donations to the Stephen Ballard Trust, supplying hair transplants for bald men everywhere. ==================================================================== Laura Jensen Laurina, aka Laurel Jensen has always been a competitive young grasshopper. After a tumultuous four years of college volleyball, Laurina found herself turning from her competitive ways into a new field, the field, of music. Laura found her passion in the tuba. She began playing in the streets of New York making just enough to get by until one day her temper got the best of her when a passer by didn’t give her any money. ==================================================================== Justin Rabon After attending the Culinary Institute of America in New York City, Justin went on to become a world renowned chef, cooking for the most important of delegates and celebrities. That is, until tragedy struck. After a devastating accident involving a pairing knife and a gorilla, Justin lost his fingers. Undaunted by this, Justin got prosthetic replacements, like Luke Skywalker. Unbeknownst to his surgeon, Justin’s prosthesis was possessed by Beelzebub. So they cut them off as well. However, Justin’s surgeon was an old friend from his past. He and the Dr. Leslie fell in love and were married soon after. Although Justin could no longer continue his life-long passion with only one hand, he kept himself happy by becoming Leslie’s boy toy and using her money to fund his numerous science experiments. Justin spent the rest of his life blowing things up and having fun. ==================================================================== Leslie Rutkowski Leslie graduated Bayside and soon after was entered into a clinic after suffering a life altering stress attack. The stress worked its way into her brain and she was soon fully incapacitated. After 2 years of intensive therapy Leslie was finally released back into the world. A new woman, stress no longer affected Leslie. Unfortunately, with no stress in her life Leslie never got anything done. Luckily, she married Justin, who with his boy toy behavior, motivated her to succeed and become CEO of No Stress Industries, a company dedicated to reducing stress in the lives of high school students everywhere.

=================================================================== Amy Flarity Amy graduated high school and went to Southern Miss to play volleyball. She and Cade dated on and off throughout college, but eventually Cade left her for a wall. Amy was named to the All American Team twice, and became a professional volleyball player. She was an international superstar, and was named to the American 2012 Olympic beach volleyball team, along with her old friend Sara Sears. One day, as Amy and Sara were jogging around one of the Olympic tracks to warm up, a pole vaulter was accidentally flung 60 feet into the air in a freak accident. He landed on Amy and Sara's backsides, and was completely spared of injury. Amy and Sara were instant heroes, and, in addition to their gold medals in the Olympics, they earned medals of bravery. Amy was eventually inducted into the Hall of Fame, and she retired from volleyball. However, Amy was bored with retirement, and took up a new hobby: burglary. She successfully pulled off many heists, but her most famous was known simply as "the cradle". After robbing the cradle, Amy knew she couldn't top that feat, and retired from burglary as well. She and Cade made up their differences, were married, and live happily ever after. ==================================================================== Mary Latady After graduating from college, Mary went on a series of talk shows to defend Catholicism against a new wave of criticism. Her views and reasoning were so strong, that the Vatican made her a cardinal. Cardinal Latady went around the world, preaching the word of God and converting people everywhere. Her sermons caused such a stir in the Catholic community that eventually she got her own television show on EWTN, Latady and Friends. On her show, Mary brought on many famous and important people in the Catholic community. Things were going wonderfully for Mary when one day she got a strange message in her dressing room. Enclosed was a one way ticket to Tokyo and a message from someone she hadn’t heard from in years. Unable to pass up this opportunity, Mary got on the plane. When she arrived in Tokyo, a man in a trench coat and a mask whisked her away outside. He took off his mask and revealed his true identity, it was Matt Shipp. Mary was overcome with joy and she and Matt went off together. Eventually they were married and the Yakuza attacked their house and Matt dispatched of them all and unfortunately died soon afterwards. Beside herself with grief, Mary turned to God. After much meditation she returned to Rome and was eventually made the first woman pope. Mary’s time as pope was one of the most prosperous in the history of the Catholic Church. Mary passed away at the age of 112 in the Vatican. ==================================================================== Matt Shipp Matt Shipp became a writer of 3 of the best selling novels of all time, as well as a world renowned artist. His success was short lived however when he got entangled with the Japanese Yakuza. After a series of epic battles, Shipp finally made it to the upper echelons of the Yakuza Clan where he had his final encounter with the Yakuza Boss, Sadaharu. A long drawn out and elaborate battle in slow motion then followed and Matt came out the victor. He suffered from a large slash across his face however which he made his trademark. As the new boss of the Yakuza clan, the newly named Mattsumoto reigned with an iron fist. That is, until one day he decided to leave. No one knows why exactly, but Matt simply left the Yakuza clan and wasn’t seen for years. He finally emerged one day when a wandering swordsman terrorized New York. Out of no where, Matt sprung into action. He quickly rendered the villain defenseless and dispatched of him with extreme prejudice. Matt was now a hero, but this is the last thing he wanted. With all of this newly found attention, Matt lost all privacy. He faked his own death and moved to Japan, where no one would find him. Later he sent an anonymous letter to Mary Latady telling her to meet him in Tokyo and enclosed a plane ticket. Mary, unsure of what to do about this, took the ticket and met Matt. Matt and Mary eventually got married and lived happily ever after. At least they would have, if the Yakuza hadn’t interfered. The new leader of the Yakuza couldn’t rest until Matt was dead. One night, 8 agents came to Matt’s house and attempted to assassinate him. But unfortunately for them, Matt was prepared. The booby traps he placed took out the first 3, and his ninja bodyguards took out 4 more. But the one agent had superhuman powers. That night, Matt engaged in his final battle. In the end, after many slow motion punches, kicks, flips, sword slashes, and other crazy fight sequences, Matt took out the agent. Unfortunately, the only way he could do this was to get cut himself. The agent’s sword was covered in poison and Matt died shortly after, but his memory would live on forever. ==================================================================== Wes Sudduth

After high school, Sudduth moves to Hollywood and becomes an actor. After a few years of struggling, he wins critical acclaim and his first Oscar starring opposite Justin Timberlake in Brokeback Mountain 2. He lived a happy life in Hollywood, but his true calling was always back at his farm. He returned and used the money he had earned from his acting exploits and opened a tractor racing league. Sudduth was able to develop tractors that he entered the first ever tractor into a NASCUR race. He qualified 18th, and during the race he bump drafted his way up to 10th. However, Jeff Gordon spun him coming out of turn 2, and he had to head to the garage for a little while. His crew hammered out the fenders, replaced the tires, and topped off his fuel, and he returned to the field 20 laps down. He made a miraculous recovery, made it back to the lead lap, just in time to catch the checkered flag in the 34th position. Wes was extremely disappointed however, and he retired from the racing circuit. He needed a new hobby, something to keep him occupied. His inspiration came while reading the Guiness Book of World Records. Wes decided that he would try to break the world record for the most high fives ever given by one person. Since he had already high fived half the population of Alabama, he was well on his way. He traveled the world high fiving millions of people before his death in 2072. By then he had become world famous, high fiving celebrities and world leaders from every nation, however he only high fived men for some reason known only to him. ==================================================================== Lizzy Dumas Lizzy went to medical school and became a dermatologist specializing in rashes of the neck. She hired her old friends J.C. Miller and Sam Rosten to aid her in her studies. After several successful years in her private practice, Lizzy retired to persue her other passion: journalism. She became popular after her column, How To Date A Guy After Hanging Out With Him For 1 Week During Spring Break Bamafan36526 (12:33:46 AM): She won several Pulitzers, and was an internationally acclaimed journalist. Her columns mainly focused on relationships, such as How To Make Your Boyfriend Stop Strutting Like A Rooster, and What To Do If Your Boyfriend Just Said "I haven't taken my contacts out since the last time I put them in". Hmm, my crystal ball is fogging up. I can't pick up anything else. All I see is the Junior class sponsor, Mrs. Dumas, telling us that she was going to review our prophecies before we read them, and they'd better be nice. Oh, I'm sorry its gone now. ==================================================================== Morgan Sanders. After high school, Morgan goes to Troy and falls in love with Wes Overton. After they are married, Morgan becomes a stay-at-home mom, taking care of her children, Jack and Rose (like from Titanic). Morgan, overwhelmed by the soccer mom life and the constant drama that surrounds her, begins cheating on her Jack and Rose’s 40 year old Italian soccer coach. She eventually leaves Wes, Jack, and Rose, and runs of to Europe with Georgio. However, her constantly fragile emotional state keeps her from ever being satisfied. She makes a small fortune after creating her own line of Mexican cheese dip, called Morgan’s Mexican Fiesta Queso Dip. ==================================================================== ==================================================================== Matt Wilkins Matt decides to skip college and instead joins the circus to become a carnie with his mother. They form the amazing Wilkins Unicycling Troupe, and gain worldwide acclaim. Attracted to Matt’s newfound carnie talents, Meg calls Matt up and apologizes for all their old differences. Meg reunites with Matt, and becomes the bearded lady in the Wilkins Family show. All was well in the Wilkins house hold, until tragedy struck. After performing his signature double 360 with a twist on his unicycle, Matt went to sleep. When he awoke the next morning, he was horrified to discover strange red blotches on his neck. The leader of the carnival cast him out, and Meg followed. Luckily, Matt had a flair for the milk business, and opened his own milk factory, Wilkins Milkins. Soon, the delightful treats made by the Milkins company drove Barber’s Dairy out of business. Matt soon monopolized the milk world and made a fortune. Meg shaved her beard and she and Matt lived happily ever after. ==================================================================== Edie Dyas Edie graduated high school and became a successful artist. However, Edie had an epiphany later in life after meeting with her husband Bill Clinton and realized her new passion: the Democratic Party. Edie

became a hardcore liberal, going so far as to resurrect the Socialist Party. She eventually became the first female President on the Socialist ticket. She split with Bill after he cheated again with a 22 year old girl and went back to Lucian. She and Lucian converted to Islam and spent the rest of their lives spreading the word of Muhammad to the masses, eventually converting millions of Catholics to Islam. ==================================================================== Ben Gravlee After college, Ben becomes rich after designing a revolutionary new oversized pillow for people with large heads. He came up with the idea after nearly swallowing a normal sized pillow in a weird snoring accident. Seriously, his head is like an orange on a toothpick. He fell in love after a very successful first date to Shrek 3. He lived a long, happy, and successful life, and died at the age of 84. Now that we’re done making fun of him, he’s probably gonna go cry himself to sleep on his enormous pillow. ==================================================================== Charlie Mclean Charlie spends his first 10 years out of high school just like everyone expected. He never left his yacht, fished all day, and drank lots and lots of kool aid. However, Charlie’s life took a very unexpected turn when he blew all of his money on vegas showgirls and kool aid. Stranded, Charlie was forced to travel the country earning money by becoming a professional marker toss player. He eventually regained his fortunes however, after winning Jeopardy: The O.C. Edition. ==================================================================== Hunter Pilot Hunter spent many years of his life trying to break Forrest Gump’s record by running across America 5 times, only to discover that Forrest Gump isn’t a real person. He then suffered a fit of depression, his entire set of ideals was shattered. That is, until he entered a Seth Cohen look-a-like contest, and won millions of dollars. He eventually joined the cast of the O.C., opposite his sister Nikki, as Seth’s illegitimate child. However, fame wasn’t meant for Seth…. I mean Hunter, as his overwhelming sarcasm turned off viewers. Luckily, his sister’s stunning appearance and her fantastic acting skills kept the show going for 12 seasons. The O.C. was finally cancelled, and men everywhere celebrated in the streets because the girly reign of terror had ended. He eventually gave up on acting and invested in a limousine service. When he got his license revoked after his 18th accident, Hunter hired Jacob as his personal chauffer. Therefore, Hunter was not only the owner of his limo service, but he was also a satisfied customer. ==================================================================== Jake Ollinger Graduates from Bayside Academy as expected and attends Savannah College of Art and Design. He soon is well known throughout the South as ‘the potter with an attitude.’ Eventually Demi Moore approaches Jake with an offer- he will star in “Ghost: The Sequel” with her, in which the entire plot revolves around another scandalous pot-making scene. Fortunately Jake’s fifteen minutes of fame last longer than expected and he is scheduled to star on the next Real World: Savannah. Unfortunately for Jake, his hands eventually decay and fall off from over-exposure to clay. He marries a woman with no feet and they procreate to produce wonderful pot-making children, all of which possess the proper number of appendages (and then some). ==================================================================== David Gardner Plans to attend Olin after a year-long break from school. However, after a near-fatal accident involving a rabid squirrel, he falls into a short coma. When he wakes from said coma, Dr. Phil is waiting at his side with motivational words. David is so inspired that he decides he will not study engineering at Olin, but will instead become Dr. Phil’s apprentice. After a few years of studying the human condition, David realizes that his claim to fame has been hiding out in his mind all along: The Exploding Universe Theory of Relationships. He soon publishes a book on the subject and appears on the Oprah show as Love Doctor David Gardner. Eventually he gets his own radio show: Dating With David. He marries a female caller on live TV and they reproduce fruitfully. After his death, he is buried on the Manci plot. ================================== ================================== Stephanie Works

Stephanie graduated high school and decided to skip going to college. Instead she toured the country participating in pageants. She won critical acclaim after winning the coveted Miss America pageant. Her success skyrocketed her to fame and soon, Stephanie Works was a household name. She worked toward world peace, a solution for world hunger, and saving the environment. She made great contributions to these causes by strutting around and twirling flaming batons. After she retired from pageantry, she reunited with Matt, and they were married with many, many babies. Together they donated massive amounts of money and made huge contributions to charities around the world. ================================== ================================== Kayley Tatum Kayley graduated from high school and went to Samford with Ballard. They took all the same classes, ate lunch together all the time, and even waited for each other using the bathroom. They were perfect. But no one is perfect, and neither was Kayley. Kayley and Ballard married After graduating college and were very happy during their time together. However, one fateful day, while Ballard was getting ready to make his debut at the MLB draft, Kayley accidentally knocked a hairdryer into Ballard’s special hair sink. To her dismay, Ballard was gone forever. After Ballard’s unfortunate death and after two funerals, one for Ballard and one for his hair, Kayley was heartbroken. She went back to school. To follow in her sister Ashton’s footsteps, Kayley went to Auburn and got a degree in agriculture. She then returned home to Foley to take over her family’s tractor dealership, and spent the rest of her life living in Foley, running the tractor store, and sponsoring the local Dogwood Trail Maids. ================================== ================================== Miles Millar Accepted to Boston University but after a short time there he is kicked out for his obscenely stealthy behavior. Eventually he comes to and starts out on an adventure to realize his destiny in life: to become a ninja. The problem is that there are good ninjas and bad ninjas, and after a while of being a wonderfully kind and yet extremely sneaky ninja, Miles is pulled over to the dark side. One night he passes out on the rooftop of a building from a sake overdose and is found the next morning by some mean-spirited pirates who threaten to take his booty. Miles escapes but checks himself into Ninjas Anonymous—a rehab center for reformed bad ninjas. He completes the twelve-step program and later in life becomes a high school art teacher. Yeah… we were surprised, too. ==================================================================== Nathan Koppersmith After high school, Nathan married a mysterious girl that he always talked about but no one ever met. Then he goes into a stage of self denial after his hair loss however he can’t find nayone with similar hair for a transplant. So he calls Destin. When the forces of these two hair colors join forces… In fact, the shade of red was so heinous that no human could stare directly at it. It was named the Red Scare. The Red Scare terrorized the nation, prompting the government to round up and incarcerate all freckled and red headed men, women, and children living in the United States. This was called the Great Ginger Round Up and resulted in the separation of many a family. When all hope seemed lost, a hero arose. The inventor of Rogaine, Joe Rogan, invented an antedote to hair growth, Rolose. The army dropped 10000 gallons Rolose on the Red Scare, rendering it helpless as the full might of the army laid in on it. Nathan and Destin both were incinerated. The world never forgot the Red Scare, after this, hair transplants were banned by the FDA. ==================================================================== Paual Siegel Revised After high school Paul went to Southern Miss and lived a normal happy lufe, that is until he met two girls, at the same time, he really hit it off with these two girls, at the same time. He then went out to dinner with these two girls at th the same time. Things went really well and eventually Paul fell in love with these girls, at the same time. Paul eventually converted to Mormonism, became a polygamist, and then married the two grils at the same time. He lived a very happy life. And eventually wrote a successful book, Two girls at the same time. Paul, we get it ok, you dated two girls at the same time ====================================================================

Mary Therrell Mary graduated from Mercer and started her own business, Therrell’s Apparel. After rave reviews and plenty of tv appearances, Mary tired of the spotlight. She sold her company to Elizabeth Trice and decided to live the rest of her life in Europe, only returning home to the beach at Gulf Shores for spring break where she always had a really good time. That is, until one fateful day went she met a man. This man, wasn’t a normal man, he was…. A leprechaun! This leprechaun cast a spell on Mary that only a trained magician could remove. So off Mary went, in search of the greatest magician in the land. She traveled all the way to China, to meet the mystical monk, CHUNG LING SOO. After traveling for many months on horseback, she arrived at Chung Ling Soo’s dojo. Her first encounter with Chung Ling Soo was not what she had expected. No sooner had she opened the door to his chambers than three silent ninja bodyguards dropped from the ceiling, pinning her to the wall as Chung Ling Soo approached her. The magician spent several minutes examining Mary before speaking. Finally, he told her the only way that she could be rid of this disastrous spell was to go on another quest, similar to Caitlin’s but totally not the same. For while Caitlin had to fight through the seven layers of the underworld, Mary had to go to the land of the unicorns, fight their leader, and bring his horn back to Chung Ling Soo and only then could he remove the spell. Then Rico ran out of ideas. The End. ==================================================================== Caitlin Lassiter Caitlin graduated high school a very well liked and admired person with a great reputation. In fact, when it came time for her Senior Prom, the Juniors had a hard time thinking of things to make fun of her for. Quote “She’s such a good girl, all her teachers said, you can’t find any dirt on her. Little did they know… The day of her graduation was the last day she would ever spend not in jail or wanted for some heinous crime or another. The day after high school ended, Caitlin stole a car and drove to vegas where she satared her own gambling ring. Doing time for that, she legally changed her name to George and became a big time Columbian… um… candy lord. Selling illegal candy to young inner city addicts. After she got busted again, George roamed the streets and became an addict herself. She spent several stints in jail after beating young children and stealing their licorice. She dropped so low that she became a professional escort, willing to do anything for an M and M or a peppermint. In the end, she sold everything she owned for a lollipop and a bag of skittles. For a while she cleaned up her act, after she met a guy named ________ and he checked into candiholics anonymous. She fell in love and stopped using all together until discovered that her sister Allison had been seeing __________ since the day after Caitlin met him. She spiraled out of control and spent the remainder of her life in jail for various candy related incidents. ==================================================================== Mitchell Payne Mitchell Payne graduated from West Point at the top of his class. He earned every medal possible and became a national war hero. However he was captured by Al-Qaeda and tortured for information. Mitchell held out though and told them nothing… absolutely nothing. Not one word. Not even a peep. He is eventually released because he wouldn’t tell them anything. He retired from the military and became a professional body builder. He even wont he world’s strongest man competition. During his acceptance speech, he uttered a cool thanks and walked away. He disappeared for a few years and no one heard from him… And I do mean no one. One day he happened to be near the president when someone attempted to assassinate him. Mitchell pounced into action and disarmed the assailant. He received the Presidential Medal of Valor and became a national celebrity, although he wouldn’t do interviews. It was later discovered, that Mitchell’s tears cured cancer, too bad he never cried. Unfortuneately, Mitchell served a stint in jail, for possession of two deadly weapons, or guns, or… FRIKKIN MUSCLES! He quietly, very quietly, lived the rest of his life with his family and died ever so quietly in his sleep. ==================================================================== Hayes Hayes graduated from the University of Hard Knocks and majored in computer sciences. He started a gang war with the Best Buy Geek Squad, after forming his own gang of ruthless mercenary nerds, the Puberts. After a series of long hard fought battles involving many slapped faces, bruised egos, and broken glasses, the Puberts emerged victorious. **long pause, strokes chin**

FLASHBACK! Speaking of victory-uh-S, Hayes had a falling out with Victoria after he tried to cast a spell on her. The hard knock life as the leader of the Puberts made Hayes, whose street name was now Technical Todd, a cold and calculating man. Gone were the days of long walks and the beach, sunsets, and pie. Yeah, that’s right. Hayes likes sunsets. And of course, the Notebook. Victoria had enough. She left Hayes for the leader of the Geek Squad, known to the world as Gleknar, the powerful. Upon the departure of Victoria, Hayes plummeted into a downward spiral of anger and hatred, ultimately resulting in his spontaneous combustion at an Office Depot. ==================================================================== Lauren Bolton Lauren graduated and went to college as a business major. She opened her own business, repairing and cleaning car upholstery. After struggling with one particularly difficult stain, Lauren invented a revolutionary new cleaner that turned out to be a truly universal solvent. Lauren made millions from her new product, and started a non-profit organization for underprivileged children in Russia whose parents were addicted to vodka, and were abusive. All together, Lauren changed the lives of thousands of children. People all over the world admired her huge heart, large amount of selflessness, and great willingness to give. Her massive aid to the children of Russia made her a huge national hero, and she attained great fame worldwide. Her foundation continued after her death, and her humongous achievements were never forgotten. ==================================================================== John Hofferber SCHIZEN SCHNITZEL SCHTEIN BERGERENHEIZER JOIDENHOWTZER SCNITZELGRUBEN! Hofferber graduated from college and got married, to his Truck. He pursued a career in basketball but spent less time on the court than Grant Hill. John quit basketball after an altercation with Ron Artest, during which he was hit in the knee, however, this had no effect as the tissue in his knee cap was so messed up that he couldn’t feel anything. After leaving the NBA, he and Paul start an annual Monster Truck rally called, Trucks and Ducks, where in between acts, the patrons are free to shoot at ducks that are released over the stadium. After one of these shows, Paul and John decided to throw fireworks at random in the woods. Unfortunately, one of these would change their lives forever. One of the fireworks hit and killed a mysteriously donkey-like deer with a collar that said Eeyore. In a panic, John and Paul hid Eeyore’s body in a deserted place in the woods. John and Paul never mentioned that day again, until one day when John and Paul were sitting around watching I Know What You Did Last Summer and someone slid a note under the door that read “I Know What You Did Two Weeks Before Yesterday”. Luckily for them, the mysterious note writer tripped while trying to run away. Paul and John cornered the deviant, and when they unmasked it, they discovered it was John’s truck. Then John woke up… it had all been a dream. He opened his eyes and found Paul standing over him, gazing longingly back at him. Paul caressed his forehead and whispered, “John, I wish I knew how to quit you.” ================================================================= Caitlin Havard After graduating high school, Caitlin kept her job at OMNI and babysat on the side. Everything was going normally until one day when she walked outside to drive home and her butt was attacked by a rabid platypus. Everything was going normally until she got a job as a backup dancer in the music video of Maroon 5’s cover of Queen’s smash hit, Fat Bottomed Girls. Now that she had finally struck the big time, and I do mean big, Caitlin was happier than ever. This happiness was short lived however when a strange growth formed on her platypus bite. It grew bigger, and bigger, bigger. Until it got so big that she couldn’t fit through the door of her enormous truck. Dismayed by this, Caitlin took drastic measures. She consulted Lizzy, the dermatologist, who told her that the only cure was to travel through the seven layers of the underworld, defeat the evil Wizard of Antioch, bring back his pet monkey, and boil 3 of its hairs in a special stew. When she drank the antidote, the swelling would reduce, and there would be peace on earth for a period of 70 years. When it came time to attempt this quest, she survived the seven layers and dispatched the wizard with ease. However, the monkey proved to be troublesome, as he had recently donated his hair to Nathan Koppersmith. That’s right, the monkey was actually Destin Williams. That’s when Caitlin woke up. Wow, she said, that was weird. Then the Destin Monkey descended from the rafters and rendered her

unconscious. She was never seen or heard from again, however, the local natives tell tales of a strange woman with a rear end of abnormal size that lived in the forest among the monkeys as their queen. ================================================================= Alyssa During college, Alyssa had much trouble with men. She searched around for a man with the same interests as her. She just wanted to find a man who wanted to do the same things she wanted to do. Then, she met Peter. Peter was a very large man. And he liked to do the things Alyssa liked to do. She finally found a man with the same interests. Like roller blading, luge, and in the spring they made meat helmets. Alyssa and Peter lived a long and happy life together. ================================================================ Colton Colton moved back to California where he opened his shop <>, which offered cakes and massages in the same store. Colton went on to start a chain of these shops and made millions. With enough money to satisfy his every whim, Colton retired at the age of 26 to his castle in Scotland, where he went on to swoon the ladies…and Matt Shipp. Colton’s quirky sense of humor and natural jenesequai, made him a babe magnet. Every Valentine’s Day Colton held a huge party and invited lots of ladies and made lots of cakes to feed the ladies insatiable need for chocolate and tasty goodies from Colton’s kitchen. Colton’s cakes were so good in fact that Colton started another chain of stores, Colton’s Kitchen. ============================================================== Carrere After leaving college, Carrere joined Lizzy in her search for the cure to the red splotches. Financed by her multi millionaire husband Hector, who by the way was also afflicted with the red splotches, Carrere spent many sleepless nights in search of the cure for the red splotches, but after a series of failed attempts on her guinea pig Matt, she gave up due to the stress. In fact, the stress was so unbearable that Carrere spun into a vicious cycle of depression, a cycle that her sister had started years before her, for she too was searching for the cure to the red splotches but found the work too stressful. Years later, Carrere reemerged a new person. Gone were the days of stress and worrying in favor of a life of relaxation and happiness with Hector. ==================================================================== Jessica Currenton After graduating high school, Jessica was walking through the woods when a freak lightning storm struck. It was at this time that Jessica made a deal with God to spare her life in exchange for her becoming a nun and dedicating herself to a life of the cloth. After 5 long years of purging her soul, Jessica took her final vows and became a member of the St. Joseph’s Convent. To the dismay of her fellow nuns, a life of the cloth was not for Jessica. One night, under the cover of darkness, Jessica escaped from the convent and drove off into the night with her accomplice, Jennifer Sowell. Jessica and Jennifer went on a Thelma and Louise style crime spree up the west coast. Jessie and Jenny, as came to be known, ended up getting cornered by local law enforcement and driving off a cliff like Thelma and Louise. Jennifer Sowell After graduating college, Jennifer returned to Virginia, where she waited expectantly for Jessica’s arrival. Unbeknownst to her, Jessica had become a nun after her lightning storm incident. After a period of months with no word from Jessica, Jennifer set out in search of her long lost friend. She traveled the country, searching high and low for any trace of this girl turned nun. Finally, after a hot tip from a traveling priest, Jennifer found Jessica at a remote monastery in Arizona. After several late night conversations, all of which contained excessive hand motions, Jenny (this was her new name) and Jessica hatched a plot to escape. Unbeknownst to Jenny, the real reason that Jessica wanted to break out was not to spend the rest of her life with her, but with her brother. Anyway, they escaped. After days of traveling up the west coast,

Jessica revealed her true intentions. Jenny snapped. She and Jessie robbed 5 stores and got chased by the cops. Finally, she was cornered by a hovering helicopter and drove off a cliff rather than turning herself in. ============================================================================ Emily Dearing Emily dropped out of college to become a groupie for Benjy Davis. Things quickly spun out of control however when she broke into Benjy Davis’s house and was caught wearing his clothes and licking his toothbrush. Benjy Davis proceeded to file a retraining order against Emily once her jail sentence was up. In prison she finished her journalism degree and wrote her personal memoirs, A Million Little Benjies, in which she recounted her romantic affiliation with Benjy Davis. However, she was ridiculed when it was discovered live on Oprah that she forged more than half the book. She finally came to terms the fact that she would never be with Benjy, so she spent the rest of her life in a secluded cabin in the woods reading books and watching dvds of the OC. ==================================================================== Kathryn Jeter After graduating high school, Kathryn went off to college but flunked out after missing her final exams because she was sunning on the beach. Fortunately, it doesn’t take a college education to lie on the beach all day, and that’s what Kathryn did. She bought a 1964 VW van and took to the beach. Everything about her life was fun until one day she was savagely beaten by a roaming tribe of trailer hitches. She was confined to the bed and all of her loved ones did their best to make her feel better. She got as much TCBY as she could stomach and was frequently visited by Paul. A lot. Soon however, the TCBY took its toll on Kathryn’s frail body, making it grow to double its size. Kathryn could no longer stand, much less walk to the beach. Lucky for her, Hector had mad inventing skills. Among his other inventions, Hector invented the robotic knee, like Terminator except it didn’t kill stuff. With her new knee in place, Kathryn was once again free to lie in the sun and do nothing. After her knee replacement, she returned to the beach and burned of all the TCBY weight. She spent the rest of her life skillfully avoiding trailer hitches. ==================================================================== Lott Victoria eventually married Hayes, but after being leader of the Puberts changed him into Technical Todd, she ran off with Gleknar the Powerful. Elizabeth escaped from the asylum just long enough to attend Victoria’s wedding. But she offended members of the Geek Squad and an all out brawl ensued. Elizabeth killed off so many geeks, that Hayes’s gang, the Puberts took over. With Gleknar deposed, Victoria fled. Permanently scarred by the carnage and butchery of her sister, Victoria went back to college and studied psychology. Once she was able to confront and fix her own problems, Victoria offered her services to the world. Vicky’s Psycho Farm offered counseling to millions of disturbed clients all around the world, pleading with children to stay away from alcohol and passing out brochures about the dangers of alcohol and drug addiction. Consequently, the rate of paper airplanes made by children spiked sharply, cutting down millions of acres of rainforest, kicking out hundreds indigenous tribes, and destroying thousands of plant species, some of which could be the cure for for AIDs or even cancer. Realizing this, Victoria gave blood. Corrina Ray Corrina suffered multiple fits of epillepsy after graduating high school from being dropped on her head as a child. Unable to function in society, Corrina checked into a hospice in Germany and was taken care of by her nurse Timothina Norman. Timothina and Corrina shared many a cry, each sad stories about their youth… and wearing very tight pants. After much therapy and many operations, Corrina’s condition was finally cured and she returned to her family in Alabama. She attended a community college and got her degree in Animal Psychology. After successfully talking a studio executive’s cat out of suicide, Corrina got her own show as a pet psychic. For years Corrina was a daytime celebrity, solving the problems of pets everywhere. Until one fateful episode… It was a routine thing really, an angry cat and a fretful owner. Everything was going according to schedule when disaster struck. The cat was recalling its tragic past when

she found out it was really Tim Norman, dressed up like a cat, naked. Corrina and her viewers were scarred for life. Since Corrina, the Pet Psychic was broadcast live, the FCC took her off of the air. Unfortunately for Corrina, the market for pet psychics is very small. Corrina lived the rest of her life with her parents. And Tim Norman, who lived in the dog house. Elizabeth Trice After finishing high school, Elizabeth went to Auburn on a cheerleading scholarship but broke her ankle when she was knocked off of the top of a pyramid by a stray ball thrown by the Auburn quarterback during the Iron Bowl. Being incapacitated, Elizabeth turned to her true love fashion. Since she could no longer cheer, Elizabeth started her own fashion line and dropped out of college. Soon, her fashions were seen in Paris, London, and Milan. All the stars flocked to Elizabeth, who changed her name to Lizabeth because it sounded more exotic, to design their clothing. Elizabeth made millions, eventually becoming the top paid fashion designer in the world. But success is fleeting. Elizabeth got to the point where she ran out of creative energy. She started turning out designs that made her shunned by the fashion world and lost everything. After failing miserably, she joined the likes of Joan Rivers, who was at that time 120, and broadcasted red carpet coverage to an imaginary audience. She finally passed, satisfied after more than 50 years of fashion coverage. Joan Rivers attended her funeral. ============================================================================ Styron After high school, Styron went into a bout of depression. She was feeling lonely and unloved and needed something to turn to. She tried several different pets, but after a while none of them could give her the comfort she needed. So she went on an epic quest to find a replacement. That’s when she saw it. Sitting there, on a shelf was the biggest, softest, fastest rabbit she had ever seen in her life. She couldn’t resist it. She bought the rabbit, took it home, and played with it so much that no one saw her for years. It fulfilled her every emotional need and filled the void that was her loneliness, and then some. Unfortunately, in the years to come Elizabeth’s rabbit finally passed away. But her rabbit showed her what true happiness could feel like if she gave it the chance.

Ariel Robison Ariel Robison matriculated into the coterie of those above the hoi poloi. She progressed to become a clever contriver of contrivances for cash. 730 days after departing from her institution of higher learning, she hypothesized the catholicon for cancer while masticating her morning meal and perusing the paper. Within weeks she had corroborated and copyrighted her concoction. This critical coup was the first of many of Ariel’s contributions to the community. With the pay-off from her Nobel Prize, Ariel proceeded to pursue her proximate project, the teleporter. Man had attempted for many years to ascertain the tantalizing technique of teleportation, but Ariel expounded this elucidation while fattening her four month old infant with titillating vittles.. By the way, Ariel espoused her Hebrew husband whose cognomen was Coffowitz, while in California. With the advancing advent of teleportation, Ariel occasioned cars obsolete. With no more cars, the un alternative fuel Ariel discovered became useless. But that was ok because she found another use for it, free energy. That’s right, Ariel finally solved the problem of free energy. Allen Sirmon Allen graduated high school and attended the University of Auburn. He got a degree in Agriculture and returned home to operate his family’s farm. Allen married Jessica, and spent all his time working and playing on the farm. Everything was happy as could be until one day, after watching the Dukes of Hazzard, Allen had a horrible accident and flipped his van while doing some crazy tricks. He was badly injured after the accident, but he somehow managed to almost completely recover. He suffered one side affect, however, which was unimaginable for a member of the Sirmon family: he developed an allergy to sweet potatoes. Allen couldn’t be around them at all, and had to sell the farm. He was deeply saddened over having to sell

his family’s farm, and retired to a small house on the beach. He spent the rest of his days trying to make his legs longer and stroking his ego.