Marriages In India

Changing Pattern of Decision Making in Wedding: By Dr. Manini, Assistant Professor Amity Business School This is real story of wedding of 1960s. A group of people from bride came to a village called Pandura, Ara, Bihar, looking for prospective bride groom. It is widely called “Aguwa” in Bihar. It is matter of prestige and respect for the village and community to take care of them and fulfill their wishes. They had come with a target. But due to some reasons that family refused to marry their son. It became humiliation for the village and communities to allow them to go empty handed. So the eldest member of the clan took the decision. There was another boy studying in Patna University would marry your daughter. The assurance was given. This kind of assurance did not need the acceptance of the boy, who was going to be married nor did it require the willingness of any member of the family. In fact, this marriage took place and became successful. There is another reality bite of wedding of 2007. A boy from Bihar studying in JNU, New Delhi cleared Union Public Service Commission. There was pressure from his parents to get married within the caste system. He went on his own without any social ritual or gathering got married to a Bengali girl. Fundamentally it was an individual decision. Unfortunately within the span of one year the marriage broke off and they were separated. It is matter of debate between the arranged marriage and love marriages. But the punch line is the decision making process in the wedding. Nevertheless, the decision making process has transformed from community to individual. The recent trend shows the main decisions are taken by the two individuals which are not good sign for the healthy society. Marriages in the post globalization era are understood as convenience of meeting the two individuals. This understanding itself is lop- sided idea of marriages. The transformation of the decision making process in marriage from community to family to an individual has weakened the institution of the marriages. Since the prehistoric period up to the present age, marriage had remained the backbone of human civilization. Therefore institution of marriage occupies a very important place in human society. Marriage is considered as sacred contract in most religions. In the

Indian tradition and philosophy, marriage is holy act confirmed by all the ceremonies and ritual accompanying it. It is also believed to be an irrevocable bond between the man and woman who enter the secured alliance. It had been sanctified in several cultures as a spiritual and functional relationship between man and woman leading to the birth of children and building a family. The Hindu ideal of marriage is essentially a fellowship between a man and woman who seek to live together in creative partnership for the pursuit of great objects of life. Two personalities merge on ideals, purposes, attitudes, possibilities, habits, friendship, aversions and prosperity have becomes the base for the emotions which bond the two personalities, love stimulates, facilities and reinforce each other in progressive integration. Thus marriage is the union of soul and body so closely and so firmly established that one expects that it will lasts as long as life lasts. With changing times, Indian family structure, functions, traditional division of labor, and authority patterns have altered, favoring more egalitarian relations between the husband and the wife and also a move toward more shared decision-making patterns between parents and children. Despite these changes, the fact remains that most individuals continue to value and give top priority to the family, and families continue to maintain strong kinship bonds and ties. We are all familiar with the story: boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, boy and girl gets married. For the majority of the western world, this is our ideal of a great beginning to a perfect marriage. It is important to realize that while India is much modernized in some aspects they still keep to the tradition of arranged marriages. Marriages formed out of love “love marriages" do happen in India but it is not the norm. It is an accepted fact that a person's family will play a role in picking the marriage partner. While too many people raised in the west, this might sound odd. It is important to remember that in Indian society an arranged marriage is seen as an act of love. Since marriage is one of the most important decisions a person will ever make and because divorce is not accepted among most Indians, it is imperative that the marriage choice is carefully thought out and planned. How can a young person make such an important decision on his/her own?

An analysis of the matrimonial advertisements that have appeared in newspapers over the past 50 years shows that marriage patterns in India have undergone a sea change. There is a noticeable shift from an exclusive focus upon the physical attributes of the bride and economic assets of the bridegroom to the intellectual and economic characteristics of the bride and personality-related attributes and career prospects of the bridegroom. While the traditional pattern of marriage was marked by arranged alliances between two families through classical matchmakers such as family priests and relatives giving a minor role to the bride and bridegroom in decision-making, contemporary marriage is based more on an understanding between the about-to-be-married man and woman along with attention to the views of family elders,'' argues sociologist Rahul Shrivastwa. In the 1960s, while caste and family were important, the girl's "merits'' were the prime concern. Beauty was more in terms of talent (singer, accomplished), than physical attributes. In the 1970s, education and caste retained their importance. Specific physical requirements such as height and fairness began making an appearance in the ads. In the 1980s, physical beauty clearly started becoming very important to the detriment of "accomplishments''. For the groom, the trends for the same years were slightly different. In the 1960s, age and caste were predominant attributes. Occupation and income were important but a lot of the men "who were still studying but had bright futures'' were also in the marriage market. In the 1970s employment, income and caste retained their importance. The girls these days are exposed to new ideas and have an opportunity for higher education and occupations previously considered men’s domain. No longer is the female just a child producing machine. Now she supports the family planning and performs many roles at the same time. There is an ardent need to give new definitions to concepts of masculinity and feminity and also their respective roles.

The rapidly increasing divorce rate indicates that we are indeed becoming the land of the free. This being the age of instant gratification, people seem to marry in haste and walk out of it in post haste as well. Renowned criminal, constitutional expert Mr. Sanjeev Kumar Singh says, "More divorce cases are coming to court but this does not mean marital discord did not exist earlier." Individuals in both rural and urban areas are becoming more aware of their rights. Ms. Ramseshan, a constitutional and family lawyer says that filing for maintenance is sufficient indication of an unsuccessful or unhappy partnership — and this is becoming a rather alarming trend." Ms. Ramaseshan cites several reasons for opting out of marriages — rising violence, cruelty, character assassination, alcoholism, problems of adjustment especially in a joint family, growing individualism of the wrong kind, extramarital affairs and the undesirable impact of the outside world in terms of falling values and lack of role models or reduce if people realized and attempted to live out the truth in this oft-quoted statement on marriage.

It is being seen among the educated and career oriented couples that families are breaking up faster than they are being formed. The main reason which we can see is that as women become more independent financially. They become more vocal and are willing to sacrifice their family for the sake of independence. Although it is not a good sign for the society as a whole which has to depend on family structure, it is inevitable. Financial independence of female is positive sign but it has severe implications if this freedom leads to the weakening of family in decision making of the marriage system. The established norm of decision making in marriage is a combined decision of the family with due preferences of groom and bride. If the size of family is cut short the institution of marriages will weaken and create many social problems.