Marriage - 1.8 Faithfulness Oh Pr. Vers.

Marriage OH 1.8

But once we know the forgiveness that Jesus Christ offers we find God’s grace pours into our hearts out of gratitude Husbands and wives can forgive each other when they remember that God is ever the faithful lover of His people. If we are grateful to Him, we can forgive one another. Because God is always faithful to us, we can be faithful to one another, forgiving where necessary, because of all that He has forgiven us. The Heart of Marriage is Faithfulness

What The Bible Teaches about Marriage

The Heart of Marriage: Faithfulness Marriage Course “A” “Relationships begin when we fall in love. Relationships end when you no longer feel in love. So love is central, but it is rarely fully understood. This course will show how you can each give and receive the love you need.

Marriage Course “B” “Marriage begins when you publicly promise lifelong faithfulness. Marriage ends when one of you dies. Faithfulness is central, but it is rarely understood. This course will show you what faithfulness means and how to be faithful through god times and bad, no matter how you feel.

To Discuss Marriage Courses: “A” Maintaining the Romance “B” Keeping Faithful Which course do you feel attracted to more? Why? Which course suggests a more Christian approach to Marriage? Why’? Faithfulness Distinguish: Romantic love (emotional feelings and wishful dreams) from faithful commitment (loyalty and determination) “The Heart of Marriage is The Heart of The Universe.” The Heart of The Universe is Faithfulness in Bible terms: “faithful love” or “steadfast love”

that begin married life. 2 The Heart of Marriage is faithfulness not romantic love that speaks of feelings and desires rather than commitment Nothing to do with “falling in (or out of) love”! At the heart of the Universe is its Creator: “The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness…” Exodus 34:6 Note the context: A time of terrible unfaithfulness on the part of the people of God Marriage involves

•Leaving parents, so that husband and wife become “next of kin” to one another.

•Holding fast to each other Note: Distinguish Sexual desire (physical drive) from passionate bonding (heart’s union) “Holding fast” a word that combines passion with permanence results in a “one flesh” union, a joining done by God. Every married couple is joined by God whether or not they are Christians, whether or not they are married in church, whether or not they are thought “compatible”, whether or not the motivation is “good”, even if the marriage is a “marriage of convenience”! The Bible shows no interest in the precise ceremonies or celebrations

Isaac brought Rebekah into the tent of Sarah his (deceased) mother and took Rebekah, and she became his wife… Genesis 24:67 The marriage feast of Cana did not follow after a synagogue service; the feast was the marriage and probably included some simple vows… John 2 7 Note also: Adultery

• Hurts children “in the intimacy of the family home broken by cheating on promises, darkened by secrecy and lies, riven with conflict and hatred.” – C.A.

• Leads the adulterer himself from security to chaos • Destroys the moral fabric of the adulterer’s life • Damages society, “keeping company with adulterers” leads eventually to approving their behaviour (- Ps 50:18) God’s Faithfulness: 1. Faithfulness in marriage is modelled on the faithfulness of God who makes covenant promises as the “bridegroom” of His people, His “bride”. The story in the Bible of God’s marriage is the story of one utterly faithful spouse married to one persistently faithless spouse, a story showing the misery of adultery and the wonder of costly faithfulness Hosea gives a vivid picture of this loyalty:

His wife has hurt him abominably, deserting him and having affairs with rival after rival. And yet he takes her back with loving tenderness. He will make the “valley of Trouble” into a “door of Hope” Hosea 2:14-15 2. Faithfulness in marriage comes from the faithfulness of God who pours his grace into us, offering us the moral resources necessary to build a marriage, resources we do not have ourselves. We cannot be faithful by our own strength! Faithfulness & Forgiveness How to live with ongoing troubles in relationships: Forgive 70 x 7 Cf Parable of the unforgiving servant The point: “You really must forgive. Forgiveness is very important”? The real point: We need to understand the huge debt we have been forgiven if we are disciples of Christ Marriage is not easy for any couple. Conflict is hard to resolve and hurts are hard to forgive. We lack the moral resources to solve our problems in our own strength. 6 Furthermore it means a relationship with God as witness. God is present when the promises are made. He holds each of the parties responsible to keep their promises. If either party brakes them, they are answerable to Him. Why did God not listen to the men’s prayers in Malachi’s day? Because they had broken their marriage covenants and He was holding them to account.

The heart of marriage is faithfulness that excludes rivals for life. In friendship three are company, and four even better company. But in the sexual relationship anything more than two is adultery. Scripture consistently condemns adultery as a very serious sin. The Seeds of Unfaithfulness For married couples: If you find yourself attracted to a neighbour, a friend, or a work colleague in a romantic, physical or emotional way, ask yourself:

• Can I talk to my life partner (spouse) about this relationship? If not why not?

• What does God think about it? Am I keeping 100% to His commands in this matter (as found in Scripture)? Beware any relationship that is:

• secretive (“don’t tell anyone-else about ‘us’”) • exclusive (“just between the two of us”) • absorbing all your thoughts and imagination (daydreaming) Adultery is Wrong because:

• It is a turning away from a promise eating forbidden fruit without any sense of breaking covenant “This is the way of an adulteress: She eats and wipes her mouth And says, ‘I have done no wrong,’ - Pro 30:20

• It is secretive and dishonest, shrinking from publicity. “The eye of the adulterer… waits for the twilight, saying, ‘No eye will see me’; and he veils his face.”

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Job 24:15

To Discuss

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What is it that makes a wedding a valid marriage?

•The exchange of presents? •The vows made in public? •The prayers? •The feast? •The intentions of the couple? •True love between bride and groom? •Consummation afterwards? If a couple consent in public to be married, then they are joined together by God. The wonder of Marriage: Human and divine intention become one. One Flesh To be “joined together by God” is the same as what Genesis means by being “one flesh”: A new family unit, built around the faithful exclusive sexual union of husband and wife. God’s purpose for sex is to make this new family unit by marriage a unit to be used by God in loving service in his world. Why Prostitution is Wrong To go with a prostitute is to do something that is intended by God to make two into a new family unit. But that is not the intention of someone going to a prostitute. So sex is being used for a very different purpose from God’s purpose. 1 Cor 6:12-20

Why Divorce is Wrong One flesh union is what God has joined together. So breaking up a marriage is tearing apart something potentially beautiful made by God. Tearing Apart

• Neither husband nor wife should put career, comfort, personal fulfilment or their own desires before their marriage. So doing amounts to tearing up what God has made 4

• Neither should parents tear apart the marriages of their children by interfering, or not giving them space to grow together and develop this new family unit.

• Neither should employers or bosses do anything to damage the marriages of their employees or juniors. To Discuss: People view the institution of marriage in different ways.

•Some see marriage as a sacrament •Others as a contract •Others as a covenant

What is the difference? How do you see marriage?

Marriage: A Covenant Marriage is not a contract that can be conveniently broken and a fresh contract made between different persons. Rather it is a covenant witnessed by God. A covenant is a relationship

• That the parties to it have chosen

And she is his “wife by covenant”

• That has certain obligations where each has made certain promises to the other and entered into commitments o That are binding on both parties o For all time. This covenant relationship in marriage reflects the covenant relationship between God and his people, as the marriage relationship generally reflects God’s love for his chosen people. In Ezekiel 16:8 God the Divine Husband says to “Jerusalem” His bride, “I made my vow to you and entered into a covenant with you… and you became mine!” God is faithful to His covenant and He calls us to be faithful in ours. So when God’s people are unfaithful to Him, it is not surprising that their unfaithfulness is duplicated in their own marriages. Unfaithfulness to God carries over into unfaithfulness in marriages. 5 Malachi 2:13-14 2You cover the Lord’s altar with tears… because he no longer regards the offering… But you say, ‘Why does he not?’ Because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.”

The Lord was a witness to each marriage that took place among His people. He reminds each man of “The wife of his youth”: She is his “companion” joined to him, his friend, the one who goes through life with him.

Marriage: A Sexual Covenant “The wife of your youth” has sexual associations. For it echoes Proverbs 5:17-21 wherethe young husband is warned against infidelity (through prostitution or adultery) and encouraged to go on taking sexual delight in the wife of his youth. A Sexual Covenant: Right Delight “Let your streams of water by yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer – may her breasts satisfy you always, may you always be captivated by her love… Proverbs 5:17-19 A Sexual Covenant: Wrong Desire …Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man’s wife? For a man’s ways are in full view of the Lord, and He examines all his paths.” Proverbs 5:20-21 Remember Joseph’s answer to Potihar’s wife: “My master has entrusted to me everything – except you! Why should I do this wicked thing and sin against God?”