Marriage - 1.4 Sex Oh

Marriage OH 1.4 (Screen read version)

What Genesis 1-3 Teaches about Marriage Sex: A delicate subject? There are many allusions to sexual behaviour in the Bible – good and bad! So Christians should not be embarrassed by it! Provided, of course, they think, talk and act according to God’s Word!

To Discuss: • • • • • • •

How do most people in your culture think of sex? What is the perceived purpose of sex? To express love in its most intimate form? To let a man have a “good time” with his wife? Just to perpetuate the human race? To rejuvenate the body? To bond husband and wife? To provide relief from stress and boredom? Any other popular concepts? The Big Question about Sex What wider purpose can the love of wife and husband for each other, expressed supremely in sexual intimacy and delight, possibly serve in God’s world, except the obvious one of creating a family of “gardeners”? Marriage & Sex Genesis 2:18-25 Marriage is instituted by God and sexual attraction has been built into us by God.

Genesis 2:18, 22-25 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”…. The Lord made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman’ for she was taken out of man.” For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife. and they will become one flesh. The man and the woman were both naked, and they felt no shame.

Marriage & Sex The thought moves from A: Marriage (companion to help him) through B: Physical identity (bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh), and physical union (united… one flesh) to positive C: Sexual awareness (naked and no shame)

2 Adam & Eve’s Response to Sex Adam and Eve were not ashamed, because they were not aware of evil and had no sinful thoughts. The “knowledge of good and evil” had not entered into their lives, though the potential danger was there, (see Gen.2:17)¨ A Pro-creational View of Sex - An Ancient Misconception The early Church Fathers, including Augustine, thought sex could only serve God when it led to a pregnancy. Otherwise it was essentially sinful!!

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To Discuss: What is wrong with this interpretation of Genesis 2? Look up Gen 26;8, Is 62:5, Pro 5:18-19

Corinth’s Degradation of sex

•Corinth was well known for its sexual immorality. So some people were reacting by encouraging married couples to avoid sex altogether (“Don’t touch! - 1 Cor 7:1)

Paul’s High View of sex

•Paul, however, told them it was much better for a couple to be married and enjoy equal “conjugal rights” over each other. They owe it to each other to do all they can to satisfy each other’s sexual desires.

Before Marrying… Note: On your wedding day you surrender authority over your body to your wife or husband. So you had better make sure before you agree to marry that you trust that person!

1 Corinthians 7:3-4 The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. [The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. – NKJV] In the same way, also, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time; so that you may devote* yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. * Devote give time, energy and attention

3 Conjugal Rights

•We need to avoid anything that diverts our sexual energies away from the one to whom we owe them e.g.

– Overwork leading to neglect of the spouse

– Pornography leading to loss of interest in the marriage For married couples:

•We need to pay attention to, and guard, those life-style factors that cause sexual delight in marriage to flourish. e.g.

4 Genesis 2:7 The Lord formed man from the dust of the ground (“adamah”) & breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, & the man (“adam”) became a living being.

–Making regular times for being together

–Having time to attend to each other’s needs and interests

A Wrong Exegesis • Can “the breath of life” be equated with ‘energy’?

Cf. “devote” time, energy and attention

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In marriage each owes his or her body to the other, to give the other all the love and intimacy of which they are capable. Sometimes there will be sheer delight for both. At other times, for one partner this will be more of a costly giving when, for whatever reason, he or she has little or no desire to be intimate.

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For married couples: Remember on your wedding day you committed yourself sexually to your wife or husband for life. Make space for it as marriage goes on; nurture it and nourish it in love A Marital Duty The Bible forbids sex outside marriage, But it commands sex within marriage! Guard the fires of your heart so that the warmth of your love can spread outwards to others!

A Relationship View of Sex: A Modern Misconception “The neuter earth creature became gendered. Sexuality is to become the means by which we overcome isolation. It is to carry us past isolation to relationship. Sexuality is the culminating high point in the story in Gen 2. It is a story of the energy God built into humanity’s flesh.”

Genesis 2:23 The man (‘adam’) said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman’ (‘ishah’) for she was taken out of man (‘ish’)”

God “breathed the breath of life” into man before he ‘gendered’ him and made male and female It is the marriage union (cf. ref. to “wife” in the following verse), not “sexuality”, (merely an added comment), that is “the culminating high point in the story of Genesis 2”.

Genesis 2:24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and the woman were both naked, and they felt no shame.

WHY? WHO? WHAT? WHAT? WHO? WHO? WHAT?

Transition to One Flesh A deliberate consequence of a man leaving his parents to become united with his wife (and so form a new family unit). Not a casual union of any two people. A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife.

WHO? WHAT?

To Discuss: To Discuss: • What is wrong with this interpretation of Genesis 2? Study the context of both passages following…

• Why do some newly-weds live with their parents while others • •

choose to start their own homes? Which way does the Bible indicate is the better way of starting married life? What can be done to encourage couples to follow the Bible pattern?

5 A New Social Order: “United With His Wife”

•There is something special that takes place in the union of a man and a woman, and that the union must be preserved intact without the undue influence of, or addition of, any other people.

A Unique Sexual Union: “One Flesh”

•Sex outside of marriage leads to trouble! Sexually transmitted diseases are spread from unions outside the sanctified marriage union

The Purpose of Weddings They Publicise a Marital Union Weddings in both the Old and New Testaments portrayed as a public acknowledgement of a new married state. Private Intimacy The beautiful and mutually delightful intimacy of a man “knowing” a woman is a private matter recognised only in the pregnancy of the (married) woman. Those who took a woman outside of marriage were described as “lying with” (rarely as “knowing”) the woman. “Knowing” is normally hreserved for legitimate intimate relationships So sacred is it that it is sometimes used as a picture of the spiritual intimacy that God wants to have with His people. Public Acknowledgement of a Calling Marriage is not just a private matter of two lovers making a covenant together. Rather it is a calling to which husband and wife are called by God by virtue of being married. The Public Nature of Marriage Further it is a relationship initiated, hedged and bounded by public recognition and support. Hence it should never be totally private, least of all secret. Public Feast – Private Intimacy Placing bride and bridegroom on the marriage bed in front of the cameras

has sound biblical justification. The married state is thus publicly recorded. There can be no doubt of their new sexual relationship as married couple. What happens subsequently is privately conducted. 6 To Discuss •Modern secular portrayals of marriage and sex give the idea that it is “cool” to have a private wedding (say, on a remote exotic beach) and that sex can be a public (adult) affair. •Discuss the comparisons between a traditional Shadi in the East and the above scenario often portrayed in the West. What has Scripture to say about such practices (Eastern and Western)? 5 The Creation of Woman The purpose of sex is not primarily the satisfaction of a need (to experience a relationship), That would cheapen sex. God’s Purpose Our view of sex changes radically when we stop seeing it in terms of meeting man’s needs and start to see it as expressing God’s purposes, which began with A. a garden to be worked and cared for, continued with a people called to be B. light to the nations, and proceeds now with C. a Kingdom to be extended through the carrying out of the Great Commission. Love The task as set out in the Great Commission can only be achieved through a faithful love for God and for your fellow man. This love for the world can only flow from a life which lives out this love God’s Purpose for Sex A marriage of a husband and wife, who both live out this love as part of their private experience,

fulfils the purpose God when He made man and women to desire each other in the intimacy of sexual delight.

the difficulty of guarding pure thoughts (Ps. 119:9) are all examples of the difficulties inspired by sexual desire. The bible is realistic about sexual arousal, noting that it is a fact of life (Eze.23:18).

The Purpose of Sex: not to meet needs, nor to create children; rather it is to nurture love between husband and wife. 7

8 Marriage and Public Order The social consequences of the abuse of sex seen in rape, adultery, molestation of the young, and homosexuality. Marriage is an obvious hedge against such abuse. But the maintenance of public order in sexual matters is not the primary purpose of Marriage.

“Sex created in order to build intimacy and love between the couple that then ‘explode’ onto the world with the security and experience of a private bliss. The strengthening of relationship, the joy in the midst of life is vital for the effectiveness of the couple… There is a mutual delight in each other, an intimacy in the midst of life and household responsibilities. To refresh and restore one another, to strengthen the relationship which is then able to take on the task given to it.” (IH)

•Is it wise to marry off daughters as soon as they reach puberty,

The faithful intimate love of a committed couple can provide a centre of stable security, so that this safe home becomes a refuge into which others can be welcomed.

or should Christians have another approach to an appropriate age for marriage? What are the advantages of delaying marriage to a later age?

Sex In the Service of God The Song of Songs is best known for its celebration of the intimacies of love as experienced by two lovers. But how does it fit the context of the service of God? Gardens in the Bible are not primarily there to provide a beautiful place to sit and enjoy the pleasures of its colourful flowers and lovely fragrances. A garden is there to produce fruit So the lovers revel in the springtime of love because it gives hope for the autumn of fruitfulness. Fruitfulness is a great Bible picture, not only of children, but more significantly, of a world properly ordered and cultivated :the Kingdom of Heaven itself. The Abuse of Sex Sex can be a wonderful thing. It can also be destructive and harmful. e.g. the damage caused by jealousy, abuse and rape. What is intrinsically good can be subverted and cause the greatest damage when misused. Control is required. Scripture recognises an inherent instability about sexual desire. The lustful look (Job 31:1), the adulterous look (Matt.5:27-30),

To Discuss

Next Session Having Children Assumption: The purpose of having male and female, the reason for the existence of sex and the essential goal of marriage, is the creation of children. True? Or not?