Marriage - 1.3 Helper Oh Pr. Vers

Next Session The Place of Sex 8 To Discuss: Loyalties What should a husband do when his relationship with his wife is being spoiled by his mother (particularly if this son is an only child)?

Marriage OH 1.3

What Genesis 1-3 Teaches about Marriage

Man’s Helper: Genesis Chs. 1 – 2

• Ignore the problem and hope it will go away in time? • Have a frank, but loving, talk with his mother, making it clear

At the beginning of human history God made the first man, endowed him with life, and placed him in a garden.

that his wife comes first in his affections, and that his mother must respect his wife's position in his life?

Genesis 2:7 Man Formed from Dust

• Tell his mother to mind her own business? Equality and Distinctiveness The man and the woman are jointly charged with ruling the earth representatively for God. Yet they do so each as fulfilling their God-ordained, gender-specific roles “Since these functional differences are part of the Creator’s design, it is only when men and women embrace their God-ordained roles that they will be truly fulfilled and that God’s creational wisdom will be fully displayed and exalted.” Next Session The Place of Sex

The Lord formed man (‘adam’) from the dust of the ground (‘adamah’) and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.

God shaped man (Hebrew: “adam”) from the soil of the earth (Hebrew: “adamah”) Genesis 2:18 “A Suitable Helper” The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

Sex A delicate subject?

To Discuss

• Why was woman created?

The Bible is full of it – good and bad sex!

(Read Gen 2:18-25)

So Christians should not be embarrassed by it! Provided, of course, they think, talk and act according to God’s Word!

Genesis 2:4-23 Characteristics of “A Helper” • • •

Companionable (no longer “alone”) Congenial (unlike the animals, “bone of my bone”) Compatible / Complementary (“suitable” “neged

literally: “like opposite him”) 2 Genesis 2:18 “Alone” Imagine the scene: Poor Adam is lonely, and as the wonders of creation are presented before him; there is only emptiness inside. The companionship of the dog, goat or horse was entirely insufficient for his needs. He is alone. Into this drama enters the Creator declaring that this is no use. Thus, woman is created, the answer to the needs of man. Popular Understanding of Genesis 2:18 – “Alone” “Genesis 2:18 means it is not good for us to live alienated from one another. God’s solution for overcoming alienation is relationship.” “The primary ground that Genesis offers for basis of marriage is companionship.”

• For supporting him in the job God had given him, but which he was having to do all by himself? 7 Marriage involves A Re-forming of Loyalties The necessity of a radical change in family loyalty: The husband should transfer to his wife the primary loyalty that previously he had to his parents. Marriage involves A Re-forming of Bonds A New Family

• Leave the parental influence (“Leave mother and father”) • Create a new family unit (“be united with his wife”) • Form a new physical bond (“become one flesh”) The New Relationship Gen 2:24 quoted by Jesus (Mat 19:5) “Be united with his wife” includes a sense of;

• New loyalty • Deep affection

Man’s Alone-ness So Eve is created as an answer to Adam’s loneliness? Really?.... Think again! Genesis 2:18 “A Suitable Helper” The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” “Alone” Feeling lonely? Or Needing another to help him? “A Helper” Adam’s observed need: a helper (not a companion!) But a helper suitable for what? • For removing a feeling of loneliness? (Adam never said he felt lonely!) Or:

(Hebrew dabaq: ̂ to cling on to each other; keep close to)

• Permanent bonding.

(Greek Kollao: to join fast together, to glue, cement.) All fear of any later marriage break-up groundless if both remain faithful, not just to each other, but to their common task. They are glued in the service of the Lord! Marriage involves A Re-forming of Security

• The husband’s responsibility to give pre-eminence to his wife rather than his parents because a wife's sense of security naturally comes from being bonded to her husband.

• When a husband cleaves to his wife,

a wife will continue to find her fulfilment in her relationship with him, rather than trying to find it in relationship with her children.

and be united to his wife. and they will become one flesh.

3

6 To Discuss Which of the following do you think describe the woman’s relationship to her husband as described in Genesis 1 & 2?

• Assisting • Complementary • Equal • Partnering • Subordinate

The Making of Eve from Adam’s Rib: Equality and Distinctiveness

‘God did not make a woman out of a bone of Adam’s foot, so that he should tread her underground, nor out of a bone of his head, so that she should dominate him; but he made her out of his rib, which is close to his heart, to teach him to love her truly, as his companion’ (St Bernardina) Compare: “Not made out of his head to top him, not out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.” (Matthew Henry) Genesis 2:23-24 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman’ for she was taken out of man.” For this reason a man will leave his father and mother

The Garden Job Quite simply the job is too big for man to do on his own. He needs a “helper”,* not a “companion”! * One who works alongside so that both together can do the task Loneliness The remedy for loneliness in the Bible: not the marital bed. Rather, it is: Friendship and secure relationships in Fellowship. Friendship within a loving marriage can overcome feelings of loneliness., but Scripture never says the purpose of marriage is to deal with such needs. Genesis 2:4-23 “A Helper” Non-reversible role (nowhere is the man called the woman’s “helper”!) But that does not mean a husband should never help his wife in daily living! Reference is to the man’s special God-given task of “ruling” the earth. Note: The Hebrew word for “helper” is ezer, and not “ebed” (a ‘servant’). The woman is to be a helper for man and not a slave to him. To Discuss: (Need A Helping Hand?)

• How do you think a wife should help her husband? • Should a husband be equally helpful towards his wife? Marriage was God’s idea, not man’s. No living creature was suitable for the task Another man was not the answer God only made one “suitable helper” for Adam, and she was female A Supportive Role While assigned to the man as his “helper” & thus placed under his overall charge,

the woman is his partner in ruling the earth for God. Being the man’s “helper” is the purpose for which the woman was created. Woman’s Role: Assisting in filling and subduing the earth (procreation and care)

and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

4 “Helper” ‘ezer (òæø) Normally used to describe the aid of God coming to the rescue. To imagine any inferiority when the term normally applies to God is unthinkable! Women are not inferior to men! In fact, they come to men’s rescue! Man’s Task God put Adam in the garden to look after it: “To work it and to care for it.” But Adam could not cope with this task “alone” he needed “a helper”! Marriage Order Important to distinguish the functioning subordination in role of a wife from an essential equality with her husband before God, since both are made in God’s image and are for His glory. To Discuss:

•Why are women treated as inferior in some parts of Genesis 2:19-20 The Naming of the Living Creatures or The Search for a Helper Now the Lord had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name* them, and whatever the man called each living creature, that was his name… But for Adam no suitable helper was found.

*Note: In the Semitic culture, the act of "naming" is an indication of lordship.

Genesis 2:21-22 A special creation So the Lord caused the man to fall into a deep sleep and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs

5 Genesis 2:23-24 Marriage instituted The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman’* for she was taken out of man.”

*Note: The generic name of both man and woman, not their given names. • The name of "man", in Hebrew, is "ish". • The name of "woman" is "ishah". • "ishah" indicates that woman was taken from man, or is "of" man. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

To Discuss:

• What is it about woman that answers the incompleteness of man? What is it that makes what is not good into something which is? Why Woman? The Hebrew word for the compatibility of women, literally translates as ‘like opposite him’. Not the same but the counterpart, the complementary partner in the enterprise given to man. Not a case of two being better than one; (Another man would have been more useful for manual labour!)

There is something unique between the man and the woman that fulfils the task. The unique relationship of v.24, which includes sex as part of the equation, is vital for the task given by God.