Made 4 U Episode 4

Made 4 U

Episode Four “Theodore”

Wearing suits was never a cute look for me, I mean I have the body and the curves for it but I just hate wearing them. The only time I wear a suit are on special occasions like funerals or maybe Easter Sunday, however today was neither. “All rise, court is now in session.” I heard the bailiff, who was dark and beefy, announce. Gladly, I stood up for him. “The honorable Judge Doris Walker presiding.” I watched the short red headed piece of fish walk in and sit her happy go lucky ass down at her podium from behind the defendants table. My black suit with red stitching down the side and on the jacket started to cause an inch around my coco brown smooth shoulder. The judge told us to sit and I let out a heavy sigh. I felt my lawyer, Jacob Bellums, pinch my thigh to keep me quiet. He was too fine and when I saw he was my lawyer, I wish I wasn’t at this damn arraignment but in his bed taking all of him in me. “This is the case of the Jones family versus Theodore Richard Mathis.” The balif informed the judge as he handed her a brown folder with probably all of my information. I saw her look at it and look at me with a strange disapproving look on her face. Yes, bitch, I’m gay. “On the account of murder in the second degree.” He finished as I rolled my eyes. “How does the defendant plead?” the judge asked in her raspy manly voice. Jacob stood up and quickly and stupidly answered, “Guilty, your-“ I slapped his padded shoulder and shot him a look from hell. If he wasn’t the dumbest box of lawyer rocks. “I mean, not guilty your honor.” He crackled then cleared his throat. “Are you sure, counselor?” Jacob looked at me and I smiled. “Yes, your honor.” She looked over at the plaintiff’s table, who was also a woman, but this fish was blonde and tall. Beside her was the man who had me in this rut, Minister Eric Jones. This is the thanks I get for saving his son.

“Miss Grace, how do you find bail?” The blonde bitch stood up now. “We think bail should be set at fifty thousand dollars.” “I object your honor,” Jacob inserted, “My client is not a flight risk. Don’t you think this is a bit much?” “Your client killed a man, this man’s brother.” I heard Grace yelling, pointing to her client. “Justifiable homicide!” Jacob argued, this time looking over at Grace. I looked back behind me and saw my close friend Johnson Junior Ross sitting with his head in his palm and leaning forward and my old roommate Darryl Jenkins, sitting beside him. I saw distress all over Johnson’s face but when I tried to smile, he didn’t change his expression. “Bail is set at fifty thousand dollars.” I heard the judge order as I snapped my head in attention to the bitch and then over at the minister. “Excuse me? I saved your son and you put me away for this?” I screamed toward Eric Jones, standing up. “Calm your client down, Mister Bellums, or I will make bail five hundred thousand dollars.” The judge boomed, slamming down her gavel. Immediately, I shut up and just looked down to the floor as the court officers put me in handcuffs. When I looked over again, Darryl was in shock and Johnson was broken up. It had been a long time since I had seen that face before. As they took me away to my cell, I began reminicing about my own life, why I was in here and the last time I had been in a suit.

I had just graduated from San Diego High School in San Diego, California in nineteen nintey five and moved in with my long time, high school boyfriend, Marcus Fluellen. Our realtionship elavated from many things, from infatuation to high school crush, to deep and commited love. Marcus was everything I wanted in a man at the time. He was slender, tall, worked out his upper body and was light skinned with short, wavy and black hair. His mother was puerto rican and his father was black, so I was in love. He loved that I was into soccor and played it very well and our typical Saturdays invovled us playing that and maybe some tennis. We had been together since tenth grade before deciding if we were still together after we graduated, that we would get a place together. Our anniversary landed on my birthday, March 22nd and so I was twice as excited for that day to come every year. We had got a small one bedroom house in the Hillcrest district of the city for our fourth year anniversary and late graduation present and I, with my equisit designing

ability, hooked the place up. I painted the crusted walls in the living room pearl white and hung old historic black and white paintings up. We got white couches from Levitz downtown and clear lace curtains from K-Mart. Our kitchen counter looked like black marble but was only an illusion, and we got a black round dining room table and chairs to match the counter. And lastly, we hooked the bedroom up in our school colors, blue and white, with a king size bed with powder blue sheets and blue and white striped comforter. We took down the blinds and hung up blue ruffle curtains and for my own pleasure, a camcorder infront of the bed to make home made movies. There was only one bathroom and could only be accessed through the bedroom and we really didn’t do anything to that but keep it the stainless steel bathroom it was. Satified and joyous, I stood on my lawn, which was in serious need of mowing, and examined the outside. Marcus stood beside but facing in the other direction and down at his feet. “We should paint the house pink.” I invisioned out loud. “That’s entirely too gay, babe.” Marcus said calmly, still looking at his feet. I turned and looked at him, folding my arms. “What does that mean, and what in the hell are you looking at?” “It means pink says ‘hey gays are here’,” he started, pacing slowly away from me, “And we have crab-grass.” “Well, we do live in the gay area of the damn city. And why do you care if our grass has crabs?” Marcus looked at me now, sighing a laugh. “Crabgrass is like weeds, babe. Not really healthy for the lawn.” He walked over to me and wrapped his arm around me, “And we are renting the house. I don’t think the landlord wants us painting the house pink.” “Bullshit!” I yelled, breaking out of his hold, still having my arms folded, “The landlord is one flaming fag. I’m surprised this house isn’t painted the seven colors of the rainbow instead of this god forsaken grayish color.” “Now, that’s the pot calling the kettle gay.” Marcus snickered. “Fuck you.” “Okay, I will ask him what the policy is on painting the outside.” “Thank you.” I kissed my lover, “Now get something for them crabs.” As I walked away, I was in total awe and bliss with my life and it seemed like nothing could bring down this high. That night, we cristioned every area of the

house three times, since he was a devot Pentecostal, and recorded our bedroom rituals about five times a week. That was the best birthday I have ever had. I had been working at the nearest Ralph’s grocery store as a department manager and decided almost a good month and a half later to throw a house warming with my co-workers and some of my old high school friend’s who hadn’t gone off to college yet. The party was planned for the last Friday night of April and my manager’s gift to me was donating a lot of the food for the party since he couldn’t attend. My best friend at the time, Lattarian Brown informed me he couldn’t make it that day since his job was making him work late. As pissed and salty as I was, I reluctantly forgave him and understood his situation. The day of the party was when I got really pissed when Marcus said that I would have to throw the party myself, all while we are still in bed. “Why?’ I asked, rolling over on his side. “My co-worker, Julie’s daughter is sick and I agreed to cover her shift tonight.” “And no one else could cover?” “Babe, come on. We need all the money we can get. We are renting half of the stuff in here.” “The one time I ask you to take off you come up with some excuse about money.” I yelled, sighed heavily and crawled out of bed in my birthday suit. “So your birthday doesn’t count?” he asked trying to be funny. “Fuck you,” “Are you mad?” “What the fuck do you think?” I asked, seeing a shade of red when I looked at him from infront of the bed. “Look, I’m sorry babe, really. I will make it up to you.” I waved him away and walked into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I heard the covers ruffle around as I turned on the water and put the Crest white paste on the toothbrush. Shortly after, Marcus was standing in the doorway, with his sexy smooth bodied self, as I was beginning to brush. “You know, you’re cute when you pout.” He stated, leaning on the frame now. I looked at him and cut me eyes. Abruptly, he jumped behind me and wrapped his naked body around mine, holding on to my waste as soon as I bent over to spit. I felt him getting hard, and I pushed him away gently but he jus bounced back into the same position.

“Get off me.” I moaned, as he kissed my neck. “I got a few hours till I have to be at work.” He whispered. “No, I am mad at you.” I struggled to get out. My lamb, he certainly knew how to push my buttons to get me hot and bothered. “You know I love you?” he asked as he began licking and sucking my shoulders and middle of my back. “I do,” I stammered, bracing against the sink as he reached my ass, “Now, shut up and do what you do best.” That’s when he stood erect, both body and penis, and spun me around forcefully. That morning, we had made love in the stainless steel bathroom and by the time he left for work, I had forgiven him for his abstence at the party. Since I had the day off, I did a few last minute things before the housewarming. I got my 1989 Ford Taurus oil changed, got my hair jerry curled down to my shoulders, and I picked up some more paper plates from the Dollar Store down the street from my house. When I finally got home around four, I started prepping the chicken wings that I was going to serve. I was going to make barbeque, hot and mild wings, homemade potato salad, egg salad, tossed salad (no pun intended) and a Cesar salad. I made every flavor kool-aid you could think of; lemon, cherry, watermelon, grape and lime and lastly I made Pillsbury biscuits. You would have thought I was throwing a dinner party instead of a housewarming, but I love to eat and I am sure my friend’s do too. When I was done, I realized I had less than an hour before the party was suppose to start and I knew my guest would all arrive before or at seven sharp. So I hopped in the shower, scrubbed down with coconut body wash, jumped out, dried off and pranced to my closet. A white and powder blue outfit caught my eyes and I snatched it out of the closet quick, fast and in a hurry. Calvin Klein was a genius when it came to making clothes, and this outfit was no different. The jacket and pants were white denim with light blue stitching up the sides, and the blue button up shirt had ruffles going down the middle. As I played Salt N Peppa’s “Body Beautiful”, I lotioned up my body and became sexier than I already was. I touched up my caramel skin with powder make up and a dash of concealer on the few pimples I had on my forehead. I slipped on some Calvin Klein briefs and then the pants. Before I buttoned the pants, I slipped on a white tank top, my blue shirt and tucked it into my pants. I buttoned everything up and twirled into my jacket then slipped in these white sandals made by some no name person. “Body beautiful, baby.” I sang with the song, dancing in front of my bathroom mirror. In the mortal words of Miss RuPaul, I was working it bitch.

My co-workers Roy and Jessica were the first guest to arrive a few minutes early as I predicted. Roy was a fat white dude with short spiky dirty blonde hair, and Jessica, who was his girlfriend, was a skinny Mexican bitch who didn’t know a lick of Spanish. When I opened the door, I noticed Roy had retrieved my mail for me. We hugged and I lead them into a luxurious feeling atmosphere of smooth jazz playing in the background with lightly scented cinnamon candles burning. “Dude, this spot is fly!” Roy exclaimed, sitting down at a stool in my kitchen. “Yes, baby, simply you!” Jessica agreed, standing behind Roy and placing her hand on his shoulders. I laughed politely. “What? Fabulous?” She just grinned and nodded a yes. “Well, all the more to seduce you, my dear.” I joked, “Feel free to make yourself at home. The food is on the table and we have three different flavors of wings, a variety of salads and drinks that have not yet been spiked.” “Shouldn’t you wait for the others?” Roy questioned, getting up to get himself a cup. “No, honey, I pass information on so I don’t have to repeat myself.” Cue the doorbell. This time it was my friends’ from high school, Joy and Bernice, the lesbian couple, Durby, a tall black Jamaican, Jordan, a feminine white boy and a few more unimportant coworkers. Joy and Bernice were the lesbian version of the Odd Couple, Bernice being a short, stubby African short hair chick and Joy was a six foot tall, skinny as a stick Asian long haired bitch. If they love it, I tolerate it. Durby had a short faded haircut, but was a very dark, dark skin toned, baby faced, muscular man who had lost his accent from being in America too long. You would think Jordan and Durby are fucking by the way Jordan hangs around him like this Jamaican is a dark god on earth. But I guess Durby likes the frail, white, blonde haired, blue eyed fag. I hugged Joy first and realized I still had my mail in my hand. “Be a dear and place this on the counter,” I told Durby as I kissed Bernice on the cheek. Durby obliged and hugged me before he passed. “Where’s Marcus?” I heard Joy ask. I spun around in the doorway and shrugged. “He had to work late but assured me he would make it up.” “Just make sure we are out of here by then,” Durby added. Everyone laughed as I smiled half heartedly from missing Marcus now.

It was going on eight-thirty and I was in the kitchen sifting through my mail, talking to Joy and Bernice who had taken Roy and Jessica’s spot on the stool. The music was now lightly playing Luther Vandross’s greatest hits and the living room was filled with light chatter and soft laughter. “So how did you find this place?” Joy asked, leaning on her partner’s…breast. “Marcus’s friend knew the landlord and they put in a good word for us.” I started, ripping up the ‘have you seen this child’ letters. I mean, come on last seen nineteen eighty? “The landlord made us a deal that if we were still together, that he’d give us a place as a great graduation present. And here we are.” “Not great,” Bernice corrected, “Fabulous!” I snapped her down with my free hand. “And don’t forget it.” We laughed and as I looked down at the next letter, I noticed it was certified from the University of California- Hayward. My heart started racing and I couldn’t bear to open it. “What?” Joy exclaimed, noticing my anxious yet hopeful expression. “UC Hayward sent me a letter.” “Well, open it, fool.” She demanded. I didn’t have to be told twice. I slit through the mail with a fork and snatched out the letter forcefully. I opened the folded paper, read the first lines and abruptly let out a scream, causing the other guest to flood in the kitchen. “I got into UC Hayward!” An uproar of cheering waved throughout my kitchen and everyone hugged me. “Oh, my god.” I kept repeating, wiping away tears, still in Jessica and Joy’s arms. “This is wonderful.” Durby coached. “No, baby, not wonderful…” I got out. “FABULOUS!” they all finished and laughed. I looked at the letter and let out a sigh of content. “Excuse me, I have to call Marcus.” I announced, breaking from the hold I was in. By the time I got to the bedroom, I heard the chatter start back up. I jumped

on the bed and picked up the telephone. Excitement raced through my body as the line rang. By the second ring, a familiar voice picked up. “It’s a great day here at the Y, this is Julie. How may I direct your call?” “Julie?” “Yes, how may I help you?” “This is Teddy, Marcus’s partner.” “Oh, hey boy,” she charmingly greeted, “How is the party?” “It’s good,” I responded slowly, “How’s your child?” “Oh, sick as a dog. But I got her dad to take care of her tonight.” My excitement faded and quickly turned into fear. “Is Marcus there by any chance?” Pause. “Julie?” “Uh, no sweetie. He left here at five when his shift was over.” “Thanks,” I confusedly stated, hanging up like a zombie. She was still saying something but it didn’t even affect me. All I heard was he left at five when his shift was over. I looked at my table clock and saw it was eight fifty. As rage started taking over my emotions, I rapidly remembered I was throwing a party. So when I stood up, I slowly brushed myself off and walked out smiling. “What’s your major going to be?” I heard Jordan ask when I walked by the living room. I walked into the kitchen and opened a bottle of Absolute Vodka. “Psychology.” I forced out, pouring the vodka into a tall glass. “Honey, are you okay?” Joy, still in her same position, asked as I downed the straight vodka in less than a minute. I smiled fully and nodded. “Of course, just celebrating!” I lied when she returned the smile. “Then don’t drink alone.” She poured a glass herself, “To Psychology!” “To Psychology.” We toasted and I downed a half of glass this time. By this time my head was lightly swimming and by the time nine forty five hit, some of the guest had left. All that was left was Roy, Jessica, Durby and the lesbian couple. We were laughing

together when I heard the front door lock jiggle and then it open. I noticed Marcus walk in with his hands behind his back. “Hey all!” he announced. “Dude,” Roy greeted, a bit tipsy, “Where you been at?” “Yes, Marcus,” I sharply cut in, “Where have you been at?” There was silence for a second and it was Durby who noticed my hateful expression and Marcus’s confused looked. “I told you I had to work.” “I think we should leave.” Durby quickly told everybody, snapped his fingers toward the door and proceeded to leave. Everyone hugged Marcus and when Roy hugged me, he grabbed a last plate and put a biscuit in his mouth quickly as Jessica pushed him out. Joy and Bernice hugged and vanished. Durby was the last to hug me and told me to keep cool. I just looked at him and nodded, still hateful. When I heard the door shut, I saw red everywhere. “I called Julie,” I yelled, “Informing me that your ass left at five. FIVE! Where the fuck you been at?” “You checking up on me now?” he questioned a bit flustered. “No, you dumb ass, I got accepted into UC Hayward, my first fucking pick, and called to share the news. Come to hear, you left and guess what, you weren’t home, so again I ask, where the fuck have you been?” I was at a scream now, no help from the vodka, and was in his face only inches apart. He was only a few feet taller than me, so I met his eyes with mine. He then revealed what was behind his back, half a dozen red roses. “When Julie had her baby taken care of, I had to drop three of my kids off on three different sides of town. I didn’t think it was a big deal since you weren’t expecting me till ten anyways.” He spoke gently and silently while looking down at the floor. My face was cracked. All I heard was Luther screaming a thousand kisses from you is never enough as I just stared at the flowers and then at him. “I was feeling bad about not being here, so I picked these up.” He ended. If I wasn’t feeling like the biggest bitch then I don’t know what. My mouth just hung open and all that came out was an ‘Oh’. He looked at me furiously, calmly placed the flowers on the counter behind me and went to the bedroom and slammed the door. Right then, the phone startled me as it rang. I grabbed the phone on the kitchen wall and sighed. “Hello?”

“Hey, bitch, how is the party?” Lattarian blasted. “It’s over, I need to call you back.” I responded, feeling empty inside. “Oh, okay. I am about to head to bed. I just got off and am beat.” “Great,” “Loves!” he yelled, joyously. “Yea, loves.” I muttered and hung up the receiver. I sighed heavily while looking at the flowers. I walked over and stopped the music from playing and just looked around the room. This was our house, our home, our life and I felt like I was fucking everything up. I grabbed cups off the table and brought them into the kitchen and when I glanced at the flowers again, I broke down and cried from feeling like a fool. Apparently Marcus heard my sniffles, because next thing I know, we were on the floor of kitchen, him holding me and rubbing me and I balling tears on his chest. He kissed the top of my head and said it was all okay. I was so happy to have him in my life but it never dawned on me till later, that this would be the last time we would ever hold each other like this again.

A few months had past since the party and I found myself sick at work with a stomach virus. I was vomiting and hugging the employee toilet more times than a customer going through the express line. Roy offered to drive me home in the middle of the day on his break and said that he would bring my car back when he got off. Before I left, I grabbed a dozen Pepto tablets from behind his counter and as soon as I got home, swallowed at least three, went to the bedroom, closed the door, then climbed into bed. I slept for what seemed like three days but was upset to find out it had only been an hour and a half when I was awaken by a car pulling up. I slowly got up to meet Roy at the door, but before I got out the bed, I heard the front door open and two voices following. “You sure no one’s home?” I heard one voice ask. “Yea, his car is at work.” I made that voice out to be Marcus. It was baffling to think he was here with another man. Quickly, I jammed my clothes under the bed, jumped into the closet and quietly shut the door. “When are we going to finally be together?” my heart skipped two beats when I made that voice out to be Latterian’s. He had asked that walking into the bedroom and to what I made out, taking off his pants from the zipper sound. “I don’t know. He’s thinking about that college, but that’s not till next year,” Marcus had answered so seductively. I clutched my stomach for it was ill now with pain of disloyalty and a virus.

“Well, I will talk to him,” Latterian reassured as I heard the bodies fall on the bed when it squeaked. “Let’s take a shower,” Marcus suggested, “I want to plow that ass something bad.” “Okay, and then you coming over after work so I can get it again right?” “Yea, I’ll just tell Teddy I have to take my kids home again.” I wanted to collapse, but the clothes hanging behind me was propping my body up. There was a quick kiss exchanged, the patter of their feet to the bathroom, and then the door shutting. So many things flooded my mind as I opened the door and saw my man’s and best friend’s clothes on the floor. Why would this happen? Was I not good enough for Marcus? Was I not feminine enough since clearly Latterian was the Lady in the Water compared to me? I just sighed heavily as I heard the shower turn on and they kissed some more. Reaching under the bed and over their outside smelling clothes, I grabbed my work uniform, put them on and walked to the bathroom door. The first thought was to go to the kitchen, grab a knife and kill both of them in the shower but I didn’t have enough energy for that. Unexpectedly, I stopped and looked around and walked toward the camera we used to record our love sessions, turned it on and pressed the record button. As I climbed out my bedroom window, I knew my man would be too consumed with his dick and my friend too stupid to know that the camera was on. I noticed as I walked down the street that the weather was dry, stuffy, hot and so irritable. There wasn’t a cloud in sight and the sun was punching me in the face with its fist of rays. As I walked to work, I kept my composer, letting only one tear fall down my face. Four years and now this is all I could think of. When I got to work, all I did was sit in the break room, stared at the brown crusted walls, and told people it was too hot in my house to get better. As soon as I got home that evening, I pulled up to see a note on the door. ‘Hey babe, I will be late tonight, taking my kids to Emerald Hills. Don’t wait up. Love, Your man.’ Love, my man. I kept reading that line over and over, again and again, while standing in front of the door. When I walked in, I got to the bedroom and saw the bed was made up like it was before I came home the first time and realized my assumptions were right. I saw the camera was still on but it had run out of tape. As I rewound the tape, my heart started beating faster and faster each time I heard the reel click backwards. Swiftly, I stopped it and forcefully pressed play. Pain and utter despair overwhelmed my body as it showed my man Marcus on top of my best friend Latterian. Latterian had his legs wrapped around Marcus’s neck and Marcus was fucking him like a jack rabbit on speed.

“Shit, I’m about to cum.” He groaned. “Nut all up in me, solider.” My hold on the camera gave way and fell on the floor as I collapsed on the bed in shock. It was too much and I never thought I would ever see the day that the love I had would be torn so roughly apart. That night I found myself at a jazz club in Downtown San Diego singing Toni Braxton’s ‘How Can an Angel Break My Heart’ in front of a few partakers. As the words came out with the melody of the piano over the speakers, the tears came with it. I only opened my eyes a few time to take a peek at who was watching. I saw a fat Latin guy sitting with a black and white suit beside a slender white female. Next to them was a black couple, the guy was tall and had short hair and the woman had her hair in a ponytail. When I closed my eyes again, my mind went back to the moment I saw the video and collapsed on the bed. I had sat there for a minute, just thinking. Mostly about nothing. After that, I got up and took the tape out of the camcorder, and placed it back on the tripod, grabbed some bags out the hall closet and proceeded to put my clothes in it. Moments after that, I went and sat on the stool in the kitchen, wiped my nose and started to write Marcus a letter. I refused to cry over this, so it was taking everything plus the Holy Ghost to keep me from losing my mind. I figured if Marcus could lie in a letter, so could I. ‘Marcus, I love you and have deciding at the last minute to take up an internship program up in the Bay Area. I couldn’t bear to see the hurt on your face to know of this but I am leaving tonight. I will call when I get there. Teddy’ As I hit the bridge in the song, I truly wondered how an angel could really break my heart. It seemed as though my life was all a lie and all the energy I poured into this was dumped into a heap of bull shit. I desperately needed a release, so I came to this club and used my talent for singing to help make that happen. To my surprise, Durby’s brother, Darby, became the new owner and he let me perform this one song. When I was done, the six people in the place all stood up and cheered. I forced a smile and walked over to the bar where I saw Durby and Darby standing. “How you feeling?” Durby asked, placing his right hand on my shoulder. I shrugged. “As well as can be expected.” “You were phenomenal. Have you ever thought about taking up a career in singing?” Darby remarked. I just simply smiled, thanked him and responded with a no. He shrugged and looked behind me. “Now, I know this is wrong, but you need this.” He continued and handed me a shot glass of vodka. As I swallowed it, Durby rubbed my back and informed me he had a place up in Oakland and we could get away from here as soon as possible. I

didn’t think to ask any questions, I just agreed and later that night we made our way up to Oakland. The next day, I called the house like I said I would in the note and got the answering machine. I sighed and left a message saying I had made it to North Cali safe and sound. After that, I then called Latterian’s house and on the second ring, he picked up. “Hey,” I masked out joy as best I could. “Bitch, don’t ever leave me like that again and not call no one!” he boomed. “Oh, you heard?” I snidely asked. “Everyone knows, honey. Where are you exactly?” “In Oakland, somewhere.” “Oh, baby, be careful. I’ve heard some rough things about Oakland,” Latterian started, “But I’m sure Marcus is crushed. Did you call him?” I wanted to say, ask him yourself. I’m sure he’s in your boy pussy right now, but refrained from letting my knowledge of the two be known just yet. “Yes,” I answered feeling anxious now, “I’m pretty sure he will make it with out me.” “Baby, you know men. They bounce right back.” I let out an exhaled laughed. “Well, here, take my address, you may need it.” I quickly offered. “Oh, let me get a pen first.” It was no surprised that I didn’t get a letter or a call from either of the two after that conversation. I just shrugged it off and went about my life as God intended it. I got a job at the nearest youth center and became a voice couch for the kids who wanted to sing. I also joined an escort company to help fill the void I was feeling in my body and soul. It was fulfilling for a while but soon became something to do only for more money. I wasn’t suppose to start school till ninety seven, but with all my pleading and perfect records, I started that coming August. For the beginning of the first semester, I continued to stay with Durby in his one bedroom apartment in East Oakland and needless to say we shared the same bed for many nights. All the rumors about Jamaicans’ were true for him. He had a huge ass dick and knew how to work it so well. But just like my clients, he was only another way to fill a void from Marcus.

December had crept around so slowly and I had convinced I was over the catastrophe with my man, my seemingly best friend and me. This assumption, however, was only shattered effortlessly when I checked the mailbox and found an invitation addressed to me and post marked from San Diego. When I opened it, while walking up the steps in the apartment building, I read it was a commitment ceremony for Latterian Brown and Marcus Fluellen being held the weekend before Christmas. Staring in a daze at the invitation with gold trimmings, I stopped on the steps and grabbed the railing. We were together for almost four damn years and he never even hinted at this type of commitment. I knew then that I would have my revenge and end it with all of them. I was addicted to Marcus for years, for months, for weeks, for days but now I wanted to make him hurt as badly as I did. The party was on a Friday night at Latterian’s house and I arrived in the city that morning. Curiously, I drove by my, our, old house and saw a Hispanic couple had moved in. I felt at that very moment my spirit at ease for what I was about to do. I wasn’t myself but I wasn’t ashamed to let it be known either. The party started at six and I arrived fifteen minutes early with a bag in my hand, to be greeted by Latterian’s scream and hugs like nothing was even wrong. I looked up and saw Marcus, standing behind a glass table with white lace, force a smile. “You made it?” he asked, a bit worried. “Of course, it’s my best friend’s commitment party. I wouldn’t dare miss it.” “Oh, bitch, you bought a gift. So unlike you!” Latterian exclaimed. “Oh, yes,” I remarked, falsely surprised I forgot the gift bag in my hand, “Where shall I put it?” “In the TV room, down the hall.” I hugged Marcus as I walked by and went toward the room with all the gifts that had been apparently mailed or dropped off earlier and the television across the room from it and the white couch from my house across from it. When I had reached the room, I heard more people arriving and I quickly placed the bag on the table with the gifts and took out a label-less VHS tape. As I turned toward the television, I snickered to see the same VCR from high school. I cut the monitor on and muted it simultaneously as I put the tape in and paused it. “Teddy!” I heard Latterian yell as I suddenly cut the monitor off, waltzed out the room and smiled. “Let’s get this party started, shall we?” It wasn’t before long when everyone arrived and to find out it was the same high school friends that came to mine and Marcus’s housewarming. I guess

everyone did know. But for the most part, I acted like I didn’t care and stood in the back out of the way and sipped on a Corona. It was an hour into the party when I placed my beer on the glass table, went to the gift room and sat down on the couch with the remote to the television and VCR. Moments after, I heard laughter as the guests and hosts flooded into the room. “Oh, look at all the gifts!” my best friend exclaimed, “Which one do I open first, baby?” I silently pressed play for the VCR as Marcus picked up a blue box. “This one, babes.” He answered. I pressed the ‘on’ button for the monitor and turned up the volume. “FUCK ME! FUCK ME!” “Shit, I’m about to cum!” “Nut all up in me, solider.” Yes, I was addicted to Marcus for days, weeks, months and years but now I was addicted to see the horror on both of their faces when the car was out of the bag. “Mazul Tov.” I said, standing up and walking out the room. I heard the television cut off and the tape smash against the wall. I picked up my beer off the table and walked out the house to my car. As I was gulping the Corona, I was spun around abruptly. “What the fuck was that?” Marcus furiously yelled. “Oh, did you think I honestly up and left to just go to school? I was in the house the day ya’ll came in and you came in him. But your dumb asses didn’t even notice the recorder on.” “Oh really? And you never once thought of telling any of us?” Marcus was still at a scream. “Why? It wouldn’t have made a difference. I hoped it would end and maybe I could have forgiven my best friend for this bullshit. But no, I get the invitation in the mail!” I saw the guest crowding by the front door now and Latterian trying to break through behind them. “I saw my opportunity then to get you back.” I ended, opening my car door. “You bitch ass, lying ass faggot!” Marcus exploded. I looked back at him and smiled cunningly.

“Now isn’t that the pot calling the kettle gay?” Before he responded, Latterian came up from behind him. “Look, I’m so sorry that this happened. I didn’t mean to hurt you-“ And there went my beer bottle across his face, shattering into a hundred pieces. He let out grunt of pain as he fell to the ground bleeding. Marcus then rushed to his side as I rolled my eyes and threw down the neck of the bottle. “Again, Mazul Tov.” And with that, got into the car and drove away. I sped down interstate five hoping to never see San Diego again but it seemed God wanted me back there once more. A week later, two days after Christmas I received a call from Latterian. My first instinct was to hang up but he pleaded with me not to. I asked him what in the hell he could have wanted to talk to me about, seeing how he fucked my man and was now marring him. He abruptly cut me off and said Marcus was dead. That he had hung himself in the bathroom. Silence covered the line for minutes before anything else was said. I didn’t know what to think. In a way I felt responsible for this tragedy but felt like it was what he deserved. I was still angry but now I was broken more than I ever was before. I went to the funeral which was held at his mother’s Church of God in Christ church in East San Diego two days later. My black Armani suit with gold stitching around the buttons fit me well as I sat in the very back, listening to the preacher talk about the dangers of being gay and all that bullshit. The irony of it all was Latterian sitting beside Marcus’s mother, crying harder than her, and her consoling him. When they began viewing the body, I left. My love for him died when he fucked on my bed I bought for our house. I didn’t think the day couldn’t get any worse but when I got back to Oakland that night, Durby told me that I was spending too much time in San Diego over some guy I left and said he wanted me out by New Years. Needless to say I was appalled that he would even go to that extreme but shrugged at him and moved my stuff into my dorm room with the help of a new friend, Junior Ross I had met a few weeks prior at a rave our school was having and Darryl Jenkins my new dorm mate and a police dispatcher for Oakland. These two guys were the best friends anyone could ask for and we had so much in common. It was one Friday afternoon years later that I had really seen Johnson break down and bare all of his emotions. His child’s mother killed herself and I drove him over to the house to get his son. I thought my days of self murder and death visits were over until I got that call at one in the morning, three days ago. I was laid up in the bed with my current fuck interest, Leon Dyer around eight that night. He is talking about relationships but I just see him as a good dick session that I don’t charge for. He was stretched on top of me, licking and sucking all the areas on my upper body, when my cell phone rung. “Leave it,” he moaned when he saw I was checking to see who was calling.

“It’s Kenny.” “Rick, leave it!” he groaned irritably. I looked at him, rolled my eyes, and pushed him off. “Shut up, Leon. I don’t see no rings on this finger.” Leon smacked his teeth and rolled over. “Hey,” I answered, quickly as Leon attacked my neck unexpectedly, sucking it with a vengeance. “Hey, what are you doing?” Kenny asking, smiling in his voice. “Um, let me call you right back.” And before he had a chance to respond, I hung up. For the next sixty five minutes, Leon and I fucked like two baboons during mating season. When we were done, I cleaned myself up and called Kenny back, but didn’t get an answer. Brushing it off, I just climbed into bed and tried to fall asleep on Leon’s bare chest. Three hours later my cell phone kept going off and I thought it was one of my clients in a desperate need of a service but when I saw it was Junior, I sent it to voicemail. After that, he called right back so I picked up. “This better be good.” “Kenny’s in the hospital.” I shot straight up. “What?” “He tried to kill himself. Tonya just called me. Get over here now.” I didn’t have to be told twice. I told Leon that Junior had an emergency with his family and abruptly left. It was déjà vu that Junior and I were in the car again headed to another suicide scene. Luckily this time, Kenny didn’t die.

I loved Kenneth Whitley since the first day I met him in his hometown of Miami, Florida. He was fresh and different, looking like a little Will Smith, but I could still see he was a bit unhappy about his life at the present. We ended up meeting at a gay pride event during the month of May and Darryl insisted we go to this party being held downtown and it wasn’t until after the party when I met Kenny. I told him then and vowed that if I ever saw him again, I would invest in keeping him safe and helping him find happiness. I guess my vow is void now. When we got to Summit hospital, Kenny’s old high school friend Tonya Brown was sitting at the edge of the bed, praying. I hated her Mexican and black ass with a passion but her and Junior were close since the suicide of her sister who was his

baby’s mama. I tolerated her cause the dike was a friend of my best friend. She looked up as we entered the dimly lit room. Kenny’s wrist were wrapped up in bandages and he was breathing slowly. “What a way to try and off yourself.” I muttered. “How dare you.” Tonya barked, “How dare you make jokes at this point in time.” “Bitch don’t start with me right now. My best friend is struggling for life.” I bit back. “Your best friend? I knew this man since high school!” she snapped, standing up. “Both of you shut up!” Junior forcefully whispered then looked at Tonya, “Where’s William?” She sighed and sat back down. “He left.” “He did what?” I questioned, “That good for nothing piece of shit!” “Teddy, please.” Junior scolded, “Where did he go?” “I don’t know,” Tonya shrugged, “He and Kenny’s neighbor Chris brought him here. Chris is downstairs at the vending machine.” Junior looked at me and I knew that look. A damn near complete stranger was watching over our friend but the one man who probably drove Kenny to this ain’t even here. “I feel horrible, he tried calling me to apologize and I was too mad to pick up.” Tonya went on, starting to break down. “He called me, too.” Junior added, sitting down by Kenny’s shoulder and then both of them looking at me. “I was in the shower and I tried to call back.” I lied as I sat near the wall. Abruptly, there was a knock at the door that startled all of us. A fine ass man stood at the door and smiled. “You all must be Kenny’s friends.” He commented to me and Junior. I rolled my eyes hearing his Islander accent. “Yea, you must be the infamous neighbor.” Junior stood and shook his hand, “Junior.”

“Chris.” Chris then looked at me and I looked at him like he was stupid. “I already don’t like him.” I said but he just kept smiling. “You must be Theodore.” “Name is Teddy,” I corrected and stood up, “If you will excuse me, I need to run to my car and vomit.” And with that, I power walked out the room and inhaled deeply. That man was fine as hell and I had to get myself under control since we are all here for Kenny. When I got done at my car, which was parked across the street, I went to close the door but heard a cry in the distance. It wasn’t an animal, but it sounded like a kid. Quickly, I reached in my glove compartment, pulled out my GP 35 and put it behind my back. When I crept to the alley to the cry, I made out that it was indeed a kid but it sounded like his cry was being muffled. As I jumped around the corner, I came upon the most horrific scene in my life. This three hundred pound muscle man, raping a skinny teenage boy against the wall. “Get, the fuck off him!” I screamed pointing my gun at the man. He angrily pushed the boy down, who was crying while pulling up his clothes, and walked with his bloody dick toward me. I saw the devil in his eyes and didn’t think about anything else but killing him. The next thing I knew, two shots were fired out of my gun and he collapsed violently to the ground with a hole in his heart and one in his head. The boy cried uncontrollably as I put the safety on my gun, put it in my back pocket and walked toward him. Before I got close enough to say anything, he jetted into my arms and hugged me. “Thank you, thank you!” he sobbed as I slowly put my arms around him. Moments later, the scene was surrounded by police cars, officers, stretchers and doctors in the alley. A few officers questioned the boy and me about what happened but now the parents had me in a corner alone and were thanking me while paramedics looked over the boy. “If you hadn’t been here, he could’ve killed Joey.” The mother cried, shaking. “What’s your name, son?” the dad asked, holding his wife. “Teddy.” “Eric Jones, minister at Solid Rock Baptist.” I faked a smile and shook his extended free hand.

“Well, I need to go. I hope Joey is going to be okay.” I ended, turning to walk away. “If we need to reach you?” the mother asked. “I’m in room two twenty seven at the hospital, my friend is there.” Smiling, I rubbed her shoulders, “We all we get through our tough times.” And after I said that, Eric grabbed my hand I was rubbing his wife with. “The man who raped my son was my brother and that faggot deserved to die. One less one to worry about.” “Eric!” the mother broke from his hold, astounded and shocked that he said that as I was. “Well, sir, I resent that statement because I am gay myself.” I matter of factly stated. I saw his eyes widen and horror covered his entire body. “Get away from us and never come near my son again!” he angrily muttered. Joey’s mother was still in deep shock and I just shook my head in disbelief, said fine and walked toward the hospital. As soon as I got back to the room, Junior and Chris stood up questioning what was happening outside. “A boy was raped.” I sighed, “And I saved him.” “What does that mean?” Tonya butted in but before I could respond to her, I heard my entire name be called from behind me. When I spun around, I saw it was Oakland police officers, a fat chubby Italian one and a short haired white female. “Can you come with us?” the chubby one asked. “Officer Washington,” I started, squinting at his badge, “I answered all the questions outside already.” The female officer abruptly walked behind me, and cuffed me. “You’re under arrest for the murder of Jesse Jones. You have the right to remain silent.” And that’s exactly what I did. Kenny was still asleep and I didn’t need a big racket waking him up. Everyone in the room, including Tonya, watched in distress as I was taken away and down to the police car. I saw Joey running toward me as they put me in the car, but his father yanking him back and scolding him. Now I sit in my damp, grey stoned cell wondering where I am going to get fifty thousand dollars to get myself out. I suppose I will just lay down and sleep it off for the fourth night in a row. Hopefully this time, when I wake, a miracle will save me like one saved my friend Kenny.

Hopefully.

End