Love Life And Relationship

Love, Life and Relationship Shradha Damani

Copyright page

Contents



Acknowledgement by Life to the Author



About the Author



Acknowledgement



Introduction

1.

Life

2.

Love

3.

Love Awkwardly

4.

Love is not Lust

5.

Friendship—The Ultimate Love



Conclusion

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT   BY LIFE TO THE AUTHOR It is not an easy task to describe an author who has a mindset of the age of 44 but is only of age 22. With a lot of constant push by the author, I hereby submit my view about the author and the book. The book describes us love, relationship, marriages, livelihood, emotions and Life. I am considered ‘life’ by the author. It feels a great sense of satisfaction to read the concept of love and the definition about the whole emotion of love, as I experienced the same while com‑ ing in contact with her. The author gives real meaning & definition of this beautiful emotion and teaches us how a person can change, mend, give up, and live in real terms for a person. I had always dreamt of a good partner/ friend for life who can give meaning to breathing for life. The author taught me and gave me an example of the same. She taught me living for others, caring for all and loving the person for whom the heart says yes. I had always heard & read that love is just a non‑existent emotion in today’s life, (exception exists), but knowing this 22 year old girl makes me believe the unbelievable. Being a man and having the mindset of rural thoughts, I was forced to believe that understanding a human being is the best thing that a person can do for one another. The author touches the deepest part of the reader’s heart and

moves it to believe that love is a beautiful emotion to live with; it is not a sin to be cursed. It makes the reader understand that each individual should try and respond to its immediate family and learn to live for others. This little personality has made an attempt to prove the world that love can be genuinely felt and should not be looked at with an aweful face and mocked at. Describing the author, I can only say that this wonderful, loving, car‑ ing, joyful, intellectual, intelligent lady has some inborn qualities which make her dynamic beautiful pragmatic, and a fantabulous person to know. Saluting her talent & gracing the occasion, I take the opportunity to wish her all the best for the upcoming book and for all the days to come in her life. Name Contact Phone No. Address

: LIFE : [email protected] : Call the author to know details (91-9830128913) : Living in the warmest place in this world…. Heart of the author. Kolkata, India, Asia.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Born on 20th September, 1986, she has completed her schooling from LA MARTINIERE FOR GIRLS and graduated from J.D.BIRLA INSTITUTE in the field of commerce. The author has been a very active student all through out her education career by being an active member of the student’s council and the HEAD GIRL of the COMMERCE DEPARTMENT in the year 20072008. She is also an IT Professional and has completed MANAGEMENT INFORMATION SYSTEM from NIIT, MICROSOFT CERTIFICATIONS like MCP, MCSD and has also completed ORACLE CERTIFICA‑ TION making her oracle certified professional (OCP) and a Solutions Developer by Microsoft. By Profession she is currently heading her Proprietor ship concern named SHREEJI SOLUTIONS which pro‑ vides software and hardware solutions to various organi‑ zations – both outdoor and indoor. The Concern has also had a tie-up with MORPHEUS HUMAN CONSULT‑ ING PVT.LTD which provides Human Capital to vari‑ ous organizations all over India, where the author is the BRANCH HEAD and an active PARTNER and Consul‑ tant in KOLKATA. In addition to the above, she has also completed training with NIIT and SIDHMANGALAM

TRADERS in the field of MIS and Market Research of Equities respectively. According to the author, Writing has always been a passion and a way to take out all the emotions which a person undergoes in day to day life. She has given ample contribution of short essays and poetry in school magazines and college magazines and has also created her personal blog on line at the website www.writing. com where her public URL is: http://Writing.Com/ authors/shradha123. Publication of this book has just happened as part of destiny where the author just wanted the outside world to know that there are certain emotions which cannot be bought and paid, they are rather felt and lived.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

It seems unbelievable that I am finally penning down my book and making it into reality by publishing it for the world outside. Love Life and Relationship is a special part of me which has been converted into words with the help and motivation of many. Firstly I would thank “LIFE” for stepping into my life and making it heavenly, loving and a world of utopia for me so that I could live in the feeling of love and understand it and finally materia­ lize all the emotions in this book. Life has always been a support system all through the journey of writing this book and I thank him for being there always. Secondly, I would like to thank my friends—PALASH, VIDIT, VAIDYA. SUKHAMRIT, DEEKSHA, JEANELLE and JEEVAN who have always answered my stupid ques‑ tions while writing the book and have eagerly waited till it materialized. Thirdly I would thank my family for giving me all that I required and to give me a wonder‑ ful upbringing of values, culture, and emotion. Fourthly to my parents and my little brother- LADDU—THANK YOU for being my backbone and to act as my spinal cord at all times. Though my GRAND – MOM expired long back but I still think that she has always been a part of me, looking at me and helping me in all times by put‑ ting her magical shield over me to protect me from all dangers.

Not many people know this that I have been a weak student in the subject ENGLISH and used to take tuitions at home with MRS. U. VENKATRAMAN from class 6 to class 12.Today whatever hold that I have over the lan‑ guage is her teaching and dedication to make me over‑ come the phobia of learning English Language. Today I take this opportunity to dedicate the book to her teaching and values that she has given me to make me a beauti‑ ful person. Thank you MAAM for making me what I am and to be a wonderful friend, philosopher and guide. Finally a big thank you to DEPOT PIBLICATIONS and to MR.PARTHO ROY( Chief EDITOR) for providing me this platform and bearing with my impatience for the book release. Last but not the least to my ALMA- MATER –“GOD”, thank you to gift this beautiful family, friends and hap‑ piness. I wish that all who read the book fall in love and start living in the world of UNDERSTANDING and HAPPINESS.

INTRODUCTION

This book is about the thoughts and emotions that go on in the mind of a person who is deeply in love and influ‑ enced by an individual who is controlled emotionally, physically, and spiritually and mentally by this love. A few non-sufferers of love have a pretty good misun‑ derstanding about love. For some it’s just a phase of life, for others love is “LIFE”. This book is intended not only for those who have, or think they have, fallen in love. They say that just making a conscious effort to really understand a fellow human being, to truly empathize with them, no matter what their challenge is probably the most loving thing you can do for another. I agree. Love requires a lot of understanding from both sides. I agree that I might not be able to write a thesis about love, lust and relationships, or define god-sent charac‑ ters, but this is just an attempt to make others believe that true love exists. We just need to think or look towards the goal of achieving it. This book attempts to attract readers of all ages and sizes, family and friends. Let’s face it: an increased level of understanding can only serve to make life a little more

Love Life and Relationship

enjoyable for everyone involved. What a tremendous gift of love it is to anyone—particularly someone with love or friendship—when you make an effort to under‑ stand them!!!

10

Chapter 1

LIFE

Richard Robinson’s viewpoint Life Has No Purpose (38) argues that “there is no god to make up for the limitations of our power” (39), and that man must look after himself and live his life for himself. Although I do not consider myself an Atheist, I agree with his viewpoint. My life’s meaning has evolved from the time of my childhood to that of an adult today because of a major event in my life that forced me to realize that the only person who was going to watch over me was me. People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is you know exactly what to do. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this

Love Life and Relationship

person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on. When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is ­clairvoyant. I have been blessed by the almighty with a mentor and guide who has always been beside me in spite of all my faults and flaws. My mentor has taught me to love myself and to love the surroundings the way they are. My men‑ tor has given me the capacity to understand the world around me. Now I have the courage and the strength to

12

Life

change my lifestyle by 360 degrees; to mend it according to the need of the hour and to live and let live. Life has many twists and turns. For some destiny pre‑ vails, while some they make their own destiny. God has gifted me with a loving family, a considerate amount of money to earn a good livelihood, good education, great friends. But what I did not get was a loving child‑ hood. I was seeking love from my close ones; love from my parents; love which was dignified; love which was unconventional. I believe in GOD as the creator of nature and our mother Earth. The Universe is the aggregate of all humanity’s consciously apprehended and communi‑ cated non-simultaneous and only partially overlapping experiences. Aggregate means the sum-total but not unitarily con‑ ceptual as of any one moment. Consciousness means an awareness of otherness. Apprehension means informa‑ tion furnished by those wave frequencies in tune within man’s limited sensorial spectrum. Communicate means informing self or others. Non-simultaneous means not occurring at the same time. Overlapping is used because every event has a duration, and their initiating and ter‑ minating are most often of different duration. Neither the set of all experiences nor the set of all the words used to describe them are instantly neither reviewable nor are they of the same length. Experiences are either 13

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involuntary (subjective) or voluntary (objective), and all experiences, both physical and metaphysical, are finite because each begins and ends. God is the loving, superhuman, non-anthropomorphic, intellectual integrity operative in the Universe. Loving refers to the inter-attractive and inter-accommodative nature of God’s integrity. Superhuman means beyond any one human’s capabilities. Non-anthropomorphic means not having human form or qualities. Intellectual refers to the faculty of perceiving experiences and the relationships among them (such as the facts of life). Integrity refers to the unity of the mutually inter­accommodative components in a system. Operative means participating in the operation of a system. To me it is patently clear that the God defined above exists. Every day I find myself relying on the integrity of my understandings about how the Universe works. I confidently ride escalators, airplanes and other “feats of technology” knowing that the principles upon which they are based are quite reliable. The Universe does seem to have an intellectual integrity which we humans are able to perceive (if only in bits and pieces). Many books (especially those about Nature and Science) disclose new insights into the nature of God. Finally, I’ll note that if Universe did not have integrity, logic and reason, it would be disorderly and chaotic and unreliable.

14

Life

God means many different things to many different people. There are a lot of people who believe that there is no such thing as a God. There are people who believe that there is no God because no one has ever seen him. I personally believe that there is a God because of my faith. I have faith in God and I feel that God is real. I have many reasons why I believe in God and who God is to me. But I have three reasons that stand out for me about who God is to me. They are the following: God is always there for me, God is my friend, and God is my creator. These are my three most important reasons of who God is and what God means to me. God has never let me down in my life. Sometimes I do feel that God has let me down or that He did not answer my prayers in times that I most needed Him. But I have to realize that everything that God does is for a reason. God has taken my grandmother, whom I loved the most, from this Earth at a very young age. I have prayed to God and asked Him why? But I have never seemed to fully understand why. I have come to the conclusion that God works in mysterious ways. I do not think that any‑ one can fully understand why God does what He does. So for this, I do not feel that God has ever let me down. He just does these things for a reason and if you believe in Him, He will never let you down either. God is the longest lasting friend I have ever had in my life. He was there for me before I was born and He will be there for me after I leave this Earth. God is the 15

Love Life and Relationship

best listener also. I can talk to God anywhere at anytime. Every time I want to talk to Him or ask Him a question, He is there for me. Most of my other friends are at least a phone call away, but not God. He has always been there in time of need, even though sometimes I feel like He is not. Even when I do something wrong, He is there to forgive me and set me straight. Lastly, God is my creator. God has created every‑ thing that exists in my life. I believe that God created this Earth and everything that is in it. I feel that when God created everyone, He had a purpose for everyone on this Earth. I feel that it is our goal to find out what is our purpose on this Earth. I know that there are dif‑ ferent beliefs about how everyone and everything was created, but I feel that everyone should have some kind of belief on how this world was created. I personally believe that God is my creator and everyone else’s creator also. In conclusion, God means many differ‑ ent things to me. I know that everyone has their own ­perceptions of God, but I feel that these are my best perceptions of God. God is somebody who will always be in my life. I feel that everyone should have God in his or her lives also. I feel that everyone should have faith and keep his or her beliefs in something or some‑ one. I have faith in God. God is the supremely good Creator of good natures, and he is also the Creator of evil. God caused the devil to be evil. God foresaw the good, which he himself would 16

Life

bring out of his evil. God saw this was coming when he created him to be good, so when we turned bad God had arranged of him and how he would be make use of him. God knew how everything was going to turn out; he even saw man’s evil. God knew that man will one day change and he foresaw the evil in him before it happened. He created man and the evil that was coming from it. God had a place ready for this also. Nothing would have been made if God did not know it was going to be good. God sees what is good, he knew what he was creating, and one day it will be good. Plato said that when the universe was completed, God was filled with joy. God was blessed by his creation; he had approved the structure of the universe and planed it this way. God created the universe, as it is said, with one word. God said, “Let there be light”, and light appeared. After God had created the light, he had said, “It is good.” The people who oppose His rule are called God’s ­enemies. They are his enemies by their will to oppose him; they are not able to hurt him. God is always unchangeable; He is without any pain in the world. They people that resist God, and God’s will are evil to them‑ selves, they are not evil to God. To God, no evil is able to hurt Him. The people that don’t believe him, are crea­ ting trouble for themselves, they are escaping the truth. We are able to say that though vice cannot injure the unchangeable good, it can injure nothing but good. After

17

Love Life and Relationship

this is said, we are also able to say that vice cannot be in the highest good, and cannot be but in some good. Things solely good can exist, but things that are solely evil, can never exist. For those things that have an evil will, are in some way evil, but their natures are in some way good. The evil that is created by God has to have a reason behind it. He had to create the evil to some what help the good. I believe that God created evil for a reason. If God did not create evil, then how did evil come to be? There had to be a reason for evil in man. God had to have foreseen what was going to happen to the universe when he cre‑ ated it. The evil that God created had to be for another good reason. There has to be a reason why people get punished and why people are hurt. There also has to be a reason for all the other evils that exist in the universe. If God had planned the universe to be like the way it is, then he must have created evil for some reason. I believe that God has sent a new blooming flower in my life to nurture me in a better way, to give me love and to make me a good human being, to teach me the way to live in the world of love and happiness.

18

Chapter 2

LOVE

An individual is an adult from the age of 18, and little does he/she know about the surroundings. Being a girl and belonging to a Marwari family, marriage is a hit list event for every girl. I grew up in a household where girls are bound to get married as soon as they pass out from school and they learn all the household activities right from the beginning. As time passed by, the world outside chanwged and modernization changed the rural thoughts of mankind. The same happened with my family. Things were differ‑ ent and I was given the independence to make my own little world where I could make a name for myself. As I walked out of the little school gates and entered college, I met a whole new world of strangers. Some where kind, some really disgusting, some caring and some where cool dudes. I started to make my own world of people whom I thought were creatures of my type. Then I realized that though the world outside has variety of people, there were some who moved me and changed me. I promised

Love Life and Relationship

not to take his name in this book, but till date I have never met a person who could be so influential. He made be think that every individual has his/her own ­personality, and you need to grab what you like and leave the rest. This is being practical. He taught me what love is and what living for oth‑ ers means. Love is that fragile flower of most uncom‑ mon beauty; one which can never be found by purpose alone while wandering through life’s gardens. But one whose colour and fragrance is most pure and meaning‑ ful when discovered by accident while tending to the more mundane duties of the common man. A diamond found lying quietly amongst the broken glass of child‑ hood’s shattered windows. To love another is the supreme sacrifice of self, for we must give freely and completely of ourselves to another, without reservations or conditions. To give less serves only to hinder the growth of our evolu‑ tion from self sustaining isolation to a greater join‑ ing of universal awareness. As children we love by instinct but it is a selfish love; one which results out of necessity, born of helpless reliance on others for survival. It is an innocent love, free of complicated psychosocial encumbrances or expectations. But it is a hungry love which takes much more than it gives in the ­beginning.

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Love

“...this idea that love overtakes you is nonsense. This is but a polite manifestation of sex. To love another you have to undertake some fragment of their destiny.” Quentin Crisp, British author “We love in another’s soul whatever of ourselves we can deposit in it; the greater the deposit, the greater the love.” Irving Layton, Canadian poet Love defies generalizations. Poets, philosophers, theologians and countless others have ascribed their own theories and interpretations but often they still fall short of the goal of capturing the true nature of this unfatho­ mable entity. The strength of love lies in its diversity. It possesses the unique ability to evolve, change and permute over the course of our lives. Just as we grow outwardly we must also grow inwardly. Our thoughts, realizations and perceptions are given credence by our individual experiences on the separate paths we follow in our quest for love. And as love is an integral part of our inner selves, so it must grow and mature as well. It possesses the ability to adapt to its internal as well as its external environment. It not only changes as we change but it also ebbs and flows outwardly dependent on the receptivity of those to whom it is directed. During certain periods of our lives love may seem to fade or even disappear entirely from our emotional ­palette. But once conceived it never truly ceases to exist. Love is the ultimate survivor. It has a will to live as 21

Love Life and Relationship

strong as the will of its human container. If necessary, it may hibernate; withdrawing like a turtle into its shell. When it is rebuffed or rejected by the harshness and cold complacency which can be so common in others, it folds in on itself until which time it feels safe to venture out into a more nurturing environment. But it does not die. We say we fall in love but it is a misnomer. We do not fall anywhere. We simply open our hearts and allow the love inside to project its energy towards the heart of another. If it is well received and properly tended, it cre‑ ates a spiritual bond between the two hearts. However, love is an individualized emotion. It is a part of who we are and just as no two people share the exact same emotional make-up, neither can they share totally identical expres‑ sions of their love for one another. The beauty of a strong and viable relationship is seen when two souls meet and the colours of their love complement each other. We are in love when we can find that fragile state of being where our individual love demands no more than the other person can give and when we can provide the necessary energies to allow them to be fulfilled as well. Love cares nothing for equality but it insists on balance; that balance is possible only when both people are satis‑ fied that their own expectations and needs in a relation‑ ship are being adequately provided for. We are merely passengers on our ship of destiny and love is the compass that guides our journey through life. 22

Love

Whether it is love for another human being, a cherished goal or a desire to find completeness and meaning to our lives bears little consequence on the necessity for follow‑ ing the course that love charts. Love cannot live comfor­ tably in a vacuum. It must be allowed free reign and be given the opportunity to explore beyond the ­ confining walls of self-protection which we construct as barriers to the ravages of life. It is the flagship of our soul and the purveyor of our most cherished dreams of a purposeful existence. Love we hide or hold back from others out of fear is love wasted. It is of no value to us when held inside but can increase in value a hundredfold when shared with another like-minded individual or when directed towards a greater aspiration beyond our own selfish needs. It has been often said, when attempting to offer an explanation towards an otherwise unlikely pairing, that love is blind. In this context it is insinuated that love is lacking in one of the physical senses and is unable to discern the otherwise obvious imperfections which may be evident to those who proclaim to have a clearer view of reality. While this may bear some truth as to the tendency for love to ignore certain unseemly attributes which may be present in another, it does little to give credit to the truer vision of love itself. Love possesses no physical senses whatsoever. More so, it is an extension of the physical senses we are burdened with as human beings. Our distinct but individual views of rea­lity are based on the input we receive from those physical senses. And those senses are often influenced by factors which 23

Love Life and Relationship

lie beyond the reach of the senses themselves. A motion picture fools us into believing that we are seeing a seam‑ less replay of events when in actuality we are seeing nothing more than a rapid series of frozen moments in time captured by the eye of the camera. When we gaze at a beautiful red rose we see only the narrow spectrum of colour which is reflected back at us but the entire spectrum of all the other colours that are absorbed by and contained within that same rose are invisible but still present. Ask a man, blind from birth, to describe a rainbow or a deaf person to sing along to a song on the radio. It is of course impossible for them to do so. However, ask those same people to speak to you of their perceptions of love and you may be amazed at how closely they coincide with your own. We, as human beings, can never fully comprehend the reality perceived by another individual. Therefore we must be careful in our judgments and in the conclusions we draw based on our own perceptions of reality. Love’s reality, like beauty, is held solely in the eyes of the beholder. And love’s vision, if we must transpose a physical sense upon a non-physical entity, is crystal clear. It seeks that which coincides appropriately with its own desires. It is not foolproof, nor is it always accurate in striking close to the heart of its target. Nevertheless, it is an essential component of our soul’s repertoire and must be given the autonomy it requires to seek out that

24

Love

which holds promise to provide the needed sustenance for its own growth. “Love, the strongest and deepest element in all life, the harbinger of hope, of joy, of ecstasy; love, the defier of all laws, of all conventions; love, the freest, the most powerful molder of human destiny...” Emma Goldman, US anarchist And if perchance, on the emotional radar, our love detects that long sought coherence in the countenance of another heart’s desire; our will becomes nothing more than a candle in the wind of destiny’s storm. Love, enrap‑ tured by the covenant of its own reality, bursts forth with renewed direction and purpose. Senses overwhelmed, our mortal lives become nothing more than a superficial shell of awareness as love has its way with our heart. To deny the event is folly. To question the source is point‑ less. To attempt to contain the emotion is senseless. It is we who are blind; love sees clearly and must follow its course to the end. For there can be no greater achieve‑ ment in our lives than to allow the essence of our heart to find meaning and purpose in the heart of another. “...And only in the end we’ll see, Just what our lives were meant to be, When all our childhood fantasies Are lost within the mysteries Of Time.” Alan W. Goodson, American realist 25

Love Life and Relationship

Love is affection. Love is sacrifice. Love is compro‑ mise. Love is faith. Love is believable and unbelievable. Love is destiny. Love is strength. Love is trust. Love is a desire with lust. Love is the world. Yeah, exactly what is love? Love is all about showing ineffable feelings, ­affections, and solicitude toward a person whom you care about. It can also be expressed in many ways. Love has so many definitions and it is defined differently to others in their own opinions. Love has many different meanings to different people. For a four-year-old, love is marrying her daddy when she grows up. For an elementary school kid, love is what he or she feels for his or her best friend, who also serves as a boyfriend or girlfriend. To a fifteen-year-old boy, love is what he should feel for his girlfriend of the moment; only because she says she loves him. But as we get older and “wiser”, love becomes more and more confusing. Along with poets and philosophers, people have been trying to answer that age-old question for centuries: What is love? One definition of love in the ­ MerriamWebster dictionary is “attraction based on sexual desire” (439). Some people believe that love and sex are one and the same. If two people are in love, they should be having sex. One of the greatest human fears is living, being, and dying alone; however, there is something that can 26

Love

o­ vercome this fear, and that is love. What is love? Can you see it? Does one touch love, or is love only to be sensed? Does true love exist, or is it just a cheap thrill that lasts for one night? Does love have substance or is it merely a word fabricated as a way to justify the means of propagation? What love is to us depends on how we define love, and how the ones we love define love. You can’t choose who you “fall in love ” with, it just happens. You realize one day, that a person means more to you than your own life. That is when you know that you are in love. Love exists in different forms in different people’s minds. The word love, and its related words, has been created over a period of time, but does true love really exist? “True love” is a state of mind, which comes and goes in people. The truth of love is nearly impossible to find, with the odds being about 0.0000000001 per cent of ever finding it, and it’s getting smaller everyday. It isn’t tangible, it isn’t emotional, but it can be a crutch for the weak. The concept of “true love” is a shelter for those people who believe that without love, there would be no point to life, no hope, no God, no anything. That life could just exist, going forward contrary to these principals. It is obvious that love means many different things to dif‑ ferent people and that to each it has a different value. Because of these different values, some people throw the word around meaninglessly because they know it is what someone wants to hear. They say that they love, but with 27

Love Life and Relationship

no meaning or substance to back it up, it just becomes a cheap thrill. How is that love? How can people use such a beautiful metaphor to justify these actions, unless it was created as an excuse to commit these actions? That isn’t love. They can use that as an excuse, because that isn’t really love. They use the idea, the theories and basis of love as an excuse because they are using it in place of what they are really feeling. That loneliness and that bit‑ terly dependent feeling fill their hearts, but that isn’t really love. Unfortunately in our world, shallowness and this misuse of love are applauded by the troglodytic masses. Can love truly exist when there are people who accept love at different values? People don’t have to agree on the value and place of love for it to exist, but one object cannot exist in two places at once, without different values. By being perceived as different val‑ ues it cannot own every plane and mind, meaning that some values are truer than others. Some people can search all of their lives for love never to find it, and others can live a lie thinking that they have found it. Love is not what it is because people desire it to be so, and love is not what it is because of our day-to-day human interactions. Love is what it is because of the different ways we imagine love exists. Love and emo‑ tions are constant, because they are ruled by instinct; however love and emotions are opposites. They play against each other, but cannot truly exist without each other. Because of this relationship, love can have both a light and a dark side. If love were the most powerful 28

Love

force in the universe, then it would have the power to kill the living. When you give your heart to a person, thinking that they would never hurt you, only to have them betray you, you are left with an empty feeling, and in a way it does kill a part of you. The side of love with the power to kill makes people, who would use love as an excuse, weak. These people use it as an anchor to protect them‑ selves from emotions. Some people will even use it as an excuse to take their own life, trying to escape their pain. This makes love weak, and in turn makes the people who love weak. This is the power of love, and yet people still take it too lightly. Love has a serious power, which is too often taken for granted. Love has horrid consequences if you do not respect love for what it is to others. It is not always what you think it is, or what you think it should be. Love can take many different forms and can even be deceptive. One thing about love is for sure; once you find it, you never want to lose it. Love is everywhere and in many different forms all around us. Love permeates our thoughts, fills our dreams, controls our actions, but it still has no definite value. Of course, love is ­different for everyone, and this is what love is to me. No one can tell you what love means to you, because you have to find it for yourself, and define it through your own ­experiences.

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Love Life and Relationship

WE ARE FOREVER LOOKING FOR LOVE in our lives. We look for a sweetheart who will turn into a loving spouse. We look for love from our parents and respect from our children. We look for love from our government, hoping our leaders will be compassionate with us and our countrymen. But strangely, we often get into our worst messes when all we are doing is looking for love. A marriage may split up due to one of the part‑ ners looking elsewhere for love. A teenager may wreck his car and his body by driving too fast in a quest for a certain kind of love from his peers. Desperate for love, people ruin their minds with drugs which give them a temporary surge of a counterfeit feeling similar to love. Does anyone ever find love? If so, where is it? Obser‑ vation suggests that love, real as it is, cannot be found and isn’t anywhere. When you go looking for it, you are going to find something else. What you find may keep you occupied for a while, even addicted, but it’s not love. Love is the most priceless treasure that life affords us. Religions enshrine it, billboards exploit it, professors categorize it and newspapers report on its perversions. But it is nowhere to be found. Love is a song that threads its way through our lives from beginning to end, but did you ever try to find a song? You just know when you’re hearing a song, and you just know when you’re experiencing deep love, but you can’t find either one. The song is a process. It weaves its way through the vocal cords and through the 30

Love

air molecules, but neither the vibrations, nor the ears that hear them nor the voice that produces them, is the song. You can write notes on paper to suggest a song, but the notes are not the song. A song is a process that cannot be the same twice. Even if you hear a recorded song twice in succession, there are two different songs because you yourself have changed slightly between hearings. A song is a participatory, unrepeatable pro‑ cess. And so is love. Love and songs hide in the cracks of the universe—not only between the atoms, but between the betweens, in the realm of quality, not quantity—in what is not mani‑ fested (which is nowhere). Love and songs must and do express themselves using time and space, but they can be neither found nor captured in time and space. If no one were looking for love, our world would be in sad shape, some might say. But our world already is in sad shape precisely because so many people are on this quest which seems so laudable and reasonable until you examine the results of it. The problem with looking for love is that it is the “me” that wants it. The “me” wants love in the form of pleasure, money, status, fame, and any number of other forms. And if the “me” wants these things badly enough, the “me” will get them. Unfortu‑ nately, all the “me” gets is the forms and not the love. The “me” grabs for the beautiful flame and gets only hot ashes. Love eludes the “me” always, because the “me” is somewhere, and love is nowhere—they can never meet. 31

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Is there no way, then, to find love? Is there no solution to this dilemma? Probably not. However, it is a simple fact that anyone can love. It is one of our inalienable rights as humans to love and to give. Perhaps life could not even exist without this process. There is electric‑ ity generated in the action of love that is as real as that which powers a train or lights a reading lamp. As with electricity, no one really knows what love is nor where it comes from, but we do know we can channel both electricity and love through conduits. Properly chan‑ nelled electricity can transform our environment, and properly channelled love can transform the quality of our lives. It seems that love is most vibrant in us when we forget ourselves. Self-forgetfulness is recommended by most religions as a way to peace and enlightenment. Knowing this, spiritual aspirants try to forget themselves, hoping peace and enlightenment will come. Catch number one here is that they cannot forget that they are forgetting themselves, so they are still caught in the “me”. There is no catch number two. When we grow weary of looking for love and finding only its ashes and its forms, we may suddenly give up the search. When we have been bitten by our greed and have had our very health impaired by our search for love, we stop our hurried quest one day and look within—not within the “me”, but within the cracks of the universe. We may not see anything, but we feel something—we hear a song. 32

Love

We feel a change in ourselves, a new perspective from nowhere. We haven’t asked for it. We just stop searching and there it is. That is love, sneaking into our lives from the cracks between the betweens. We were never away from love, but we could never find it. We wore ourselves out like the man who ran around the streets of the village searching for some air to breathe. He wasted much air to do his searching, but he never found air. Listen to the silence if you would hear the song of love. Love may catch you between bites of an apple or while you are cleaning the toilet. You live within love always, but you can never find it, capture it, preserve it or explain it—you might as well try to build a rose with a hammer and nails. Just wait, and listen, and watch and work—and one day when the time is right, a rose appears on the bush. This rose is rooted in the cracks of the universe, and so is love, and so are you.

33

Chapter 3

LOVE AWKWARDLY

When I was small (I guess 14) I saw a dream, a dream of living in true love. I yearn to love and be loved. Yet I am whole without it. Because if you allow yourself to be gov‑ erned by love to the extent that either you are depressed by its absence, or more seriously, you—the individual—are suppressed by its presence in your life, it only brings more unhappiness than the happiness it can offer. You can’t own a human being and thus you can’t lose what you don’t own. For instance, I don’t think Nafisa Joseph’s suicide was about love. She hanged herself after her fiancé called off their marriage. It was a response that alludes to a lack of emotional well-being. Though I don’t really claim to know what love means to the youth of today, in my ­ private dictionary it is an emotion that is felt rather than expressed, dreamt rather than lived. Love is the power that changes one—makes and moulds one into a beautiful person. Not only because the people themselves change, but because the relationship

Love Awkwardly

is the definition of one’s self. Love is also imperfect. Perfect love does not exist. Take it or leave it. But I live with perfect love—in my dreams—it is the song of my heart, my definition, my real self. It is like the white clouds lingering onto the clear blue sky. Love is the most beautiful emotion on earth, and really does not need anyone to love. One can just love ... Just like me The song I begin to sing remains unsung to this day The time has passed over me, while playing And not playing, stringing and unstringing My instrument to the tune of love. He came beside me, when the night was Still dark, leading to eternal nothingness and I was alone. My eyes woke not; I was deep into my sleep Enjoying it—was I cursed? A question, which had no answer Oh! It’s a terrible feeling, butterflies in my stomach, I am immobile, shivering From top to bottom. A feeling trying to overpower me, drive me along, Whisking me off, making me fly on the wings Of a white dove, enveloped in love. He was there with open arms, Making my dreams play, stringing the Tunes of love. Alas! I am still lost—why? Will I always fail to see him whose breath Touches my heart, refreshes my soul? 35

Love Life and Relationship

Dawn is yet to come—I could feel the wind Rushing by, touching me with loving care Waiting for me to wake up—as a different being, A precious flower. I have yet not seen his face, but know He is pleasing to the eye, I have not heard his voice, but know It is deep and melodious, I have not seen his eyes, know not what colour they are—but know that It is deeper than any ocean. I have only heard his footsteps, coming towards me And my pulse—beating with every step he takes Now is immortal, but life is not : :iw till this day in the hope—to meet him But when? The time has not come; the music is yet to Start Only the wish to meet him remains in my Heart. He will meet one day, surely The meeting will be as hot and pious As the fire As innocent as the little dove and the morning dew, As sweet as the nightingales song, As vibrant as the suns rays glittering on the Mountain peaks ... We will meet one day! My eyes opened ... By the time I managed to distinguish between dream and reality, to shake off the remnants of the beautiful 36

Love Awkwardly

feeling, the sky outside was awash with grey light, the clouds hanging low. As the present gradually came back into focus, I stood dazed. It was such a different feeling, a whole new world of emotions developing inside me. My heart jumped for joy, I could feel the harsh wind, could feel the rain fall on me like an endless stream—each drop seemed like the very epitome of love and affection. I felt as if the heaven was pouring all its blessings on me. And I realized that I was in love, in love with my imagination, my dream—with the voice that is unheard, eyes that are unseen—this is love for me which defines me: innocent, pure, and a perfect Utopia. I realized that this is a non-practical dream, but then, if dreams provide happiness and help to mould you into a better person, then what harm is there in dreaming? And that too, if they are about love? I would love to live with my dreams—my eyes will open to the morning sun caressing me lovingly. Till then let me remain immersed in my dreams, heart and soul. “Was it a vision, or a waking dream? Fled is that music. Do I wake or sleep?”—John Keats I’m in love, but awkwardly. When I met my life whom I call my love and name him as , I saw my dreams coming true … I found the music, I found the watery eyes and so did my happiness which was stolen somewhere in the world around me. 37

Chapter 4

LOVE IS NOT LUST

It is ironic how love and lust are so much related to each other yet very much different. Well for one thing they don’t have the same purpose. A person in lust may greed‑ ily hunger for sensual or sexual pleasure while a person in love sees beyond the physical and simply takes it as the part of the package that makes the person special. Certainly, love sounds so much more decent and conser‑ vative, but doesn’t love sometimes start with lust? You get drawn to the person’s physical attributes in which you start checking out what lovely eyes or legs she has; or maybe you get tantalized by his husky bedroom voice that gives you gooseflesh any day, anytime and he can talk you into anything. The feel of his skin, the caress of his smile, the way his voice cuddles like a baby ask‑ ing for a hug, this makes him absolutely irresistible. This catches you; you simply cannot go through an hour without remembering last night’s conversation and how fine he looked as he stared deep into your eyes. As you do so, you slowly see what first attracted him to you. You find this so interestingly sexy, until little by little you start falling in love. So what is lust and what is

Love is not Lust

love? Is it simply a state of mind, just like all the rest of the emotions, feelings and states in this world? Simply in the eye of the beholder, determined by how one per‑ ceives the relationship to be? Or is it in the depth of the relationship taking the notion that lust means shallow and love means deep? I might be blabbering about nonsense, or you might agree with me word for word but no one can deny that loving and lusting is very real. But also, as I have said, its definition is relative and can vary differently from how one sees it. But lust could mean a lot of differ‑ ent things. Infatuation can be a form of lust as well as idolatry (in plain language: worshiping a movie star or any gorgeous, famous or rich, unattainable piece of meat) and even a plain old crush can be. You start yearning for a regular get together, nightly chats even if sometimes chatting does not mean a conversation but simply holding the telephone and hearing him breathe. It is as real as you and me and at some point and time in our lives we will encounter it and then start question‑ ing ourselves about it. Then one day you’re suddenly hooked. As your conversation deepens you realize that your heated ­discussion on philosophy and shared interest on the same kind of activity like, lets say, rock climbing, proves to be as stimulating and spine-tin‑ gling as your usual smooth talking tête-à-tête. Lust might end up with love the same way that love might turn out to be lust. 39

Love Life and Relationship

What exactly is my point? The point is it is sometimes hard to distinguish love from lust. Lust might sound a very sinful word, since it is against many religions to fall prey to it. There is a great contrast between love and lust. Lust is more of a sexual or greedy feeling, while love is more of a secure and content filled feeling we get from giving and receiving. Lust does not have to be something sexual, it can be a greedy desire for more money and power. The world has a superficial and selfish view of love, which has contaminated our understanding of what REAL LOVE is. Popular cul‑ ture believes that love is something that makes us FEEL good and that it’s acceptable to sacrifice moral principles to obtain such love. But in doing so this culture IS NOT obtaining the love characteristic but the lustful ones. “Do not commit adultery. But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right hand causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for you whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.”

40

Love is not Lust

I was talking to someone the other day and we had conservation about lust and love. She told me that peo‑ ple don’t fall in love because it will never be that way. It’s all based on lust because couples will never hurt each other if it’s love. I kind of agree with this person at this point. It was hard enough to admit that because I’m a firm believer of love at first sight and finding a soul mate. When I realized what this she was trying to say, I questioned her past experience in relationships. If you’re a psychologist (I’m not), you know the past experiences can mould a person’s persona or behaviour. As I ques‑ tioned her past relationships, I noticed that she had it very bad. She doesn’t believe in love anymore because her past boyfriends treated her badly. She doesn’t want to get hurt again. I was trying to convince her that there are plenty of fish in the sea and that she should take it as an experience so she won’t make the same mistake again. However, it’s easier said than done, right? This hap‑ pens to people who try to compromise what they have with their partners. They give everything they have just to see it crumpled to the ground. Even though people like her had bad experiences in relationships, they should never give up on love. Do not let a “dark cloud” go over your heart. That dark cloud will just block every opportunity to be loved. If you feel this way, don’t be afraid of love.

41

Love Life and Relationship

Broad-minded though we take ourselves to be, lust gets a bad press. It is the fly in the ointment, the black sheep of the family, the ill-bred, trashy cousin of upstanding members like love and friendship. It lives on the wrong side of the tracks, lumbers around elbowing its way into too much of our lives, and blushes when it comes into company. Some people like things a little on the trashy side, but not most of us most of the time. We smile at lovers holding hands in the park, but wrinkle our noses if we find them acting out their lust under the bushes. Love receives the world’s applause. Lust is furtive, ashamed, embarrassed. Love pursues the good of the other with self-control, reason and patience. Lust pursues its own gratification, headlong, impatient of any control, immune to reason. Love thrives on candlelight and conversation. Lust is equally happy in a doorway or in a taxi, and its conversation is made of animal grunts and cries. Love is individual: there is only the unique other. Lust takes what comes. Lovers gaze into each other’s eyes. Lust looks sideways, inventing deceit, stratagems and seduc‑ tions, sizing up opportunities. Love grows with knowl‑ edge and time, courtship, truth and trust. Lust is a trail of clothing in the hallway, the collision of two football packs. Love lasts, lust cloys. The landscape of human lust and human thinking is huge. People have devoted lifetimes to charting small parts of it. Even as you read, neurologists are plotting it, 42

Love is not Lust

pharmacists are designing drugs to modify it, doctors are tinkering with its malfunctions, social psychologists are setting questionnaires about it, evolutionary psycholo‑ gists are dreaming up theories of its origins, postmod‑ ernists are deconstructing it, and feminists are worrying about it. And a large part of the world’s literature is devoted to it, or to its close relative, erotic love. Another personal opinion is that lust can be beautified if it is dipped in the pool of love. Lust is just another form of love which should be made soft and silky to make a beautiful relationship.

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Chapter 5

FRIENDSHIP—THE ULTIMATE LOVE

So first, I must ask myself a question....What is real friendship? I hear about friendship a lot...there are all sorts of TV shows depicting supposed friends ­interacting with each other...people call each other friend easily and quickly. But is all of that really friendship? Not to me. Through a lot of trial and error, through a lot of painful interaction, I have come to a sharpened awareness of what a friend really is. And a lot of what I hear called “being friends” simply does not fit into my definition of “friendship”. “Okay, fine,”’ you may say. “Then what, Beth, is your definition of friendship?” Well, first I’d like to weed out the things I see get‑ ting confused for friendship, but that aren’t it. I see a continuum of various levels of social closeness: ­Acquaintanceship, Companionship, Comradeship, and then...finally...Friendship.

Friendship—The Ultimate Love

It’s rather strange how we automatically begin ­calling a new acquaintance a friend, just because they act friendly. Being friendly, as the word is used, really has very little with the core, the depth of being a friend. It is really nothing more than a happy, welcoming style of politeness. Sure, friends are usually warm and wel‑ coming, too, but people make this automatic jump from pleasantness to friendship without checking to see if that is what it really is. Or in other words, just because you are treating me nicely and I happen to know your name does not make me your friend. It means I have the beginning of an idea of who you are, but not enough to say that I are more than an acquaintance. But let’s say we do more than acknowledge each other’s existence in a pleasant manner. We get to talk‑ ing and find out we share some things in common. Per‑ haps we even met in the first place because we share a common interest and are both members of the same club or interest-related group. While we’re there, we like ­hanging out with each other... We like each other’s company, even though we still really don’t know much more about each other than what we see on the surface. We have reached the status of hang-out buddies, we are sharing companionship. Similar, but I think generally deeper; there is the comradeship that develops between people who are 45

Love Life and Relationship

working towards a common goal or for a common cause. Comrades-in-arms, whether part of the military, co-­workers in a manufacturing plant or support staff for MR group homes, often share a bonding due to the spe‑ cific stresses of the work that they are both undergoing at the same time. Because they understand the stresses of the job and/or situation that they are under, they are able to clearly understand those stresses that the other person is also under. Even so, that connection is not friendship. It is limited and does not mean you have an understanding of the other person as a whole. You only understand one aspect. Understanding is a key concept here. In all my obser‑ vations, in all my ponderings, it consistently appears that there can not be a true friendship without first build‑ ing understanding. You will undoubtedly have a much harder time caring about something (and someone) if you cannot understand it/them at all. Ironically, however, it also appears that the clos‑ est friendships can be between people who are very, very different. For example, Alex and I have a very strong friendship, but I think in completely different ways than she does. Her mind assesses things using a much more mathematical type of approach, while my own approach tends to be more of a synthesis...which in turns appears to me to be related to visual interpreta‑ tions of data.

46

Friendship—The Ultimate Love

There is a great deal of understanding between us... we have shared many similar experiences as well as literally sharing experiences (having done things together). We have also helped each other understand each other, so that although we do not primarily think like the other does, we can (usually) follow each other in our thoughts. In this respect, having the dissimilar as well as the similar helps keep things interesting. We can both understand and be completely mystified at the same time...or so it sometimes seems, (LOL). And so we finally come to my definition of friend‑ ship—deep, genuine caring, concern and a willingness to act to the benefit of the friend even without any ­obvious rewards or returns. Because of these prerequisites, there will also be a subsequent amount of thought given to your friend...you will take them and their own wants, needs, and preferences as well as your own into account whenever both of you are involved. You will, by the nature of friendship, be considerate of them. This is what it means to be a friend. Even though there is difference, there is also harmony. There may be dif‑ ferences in styles of thought and being, but the lines of the melody, so to speak, will be travelling in the same direction and show a similarity in choices. In moral fibre, perhaps would be one way to say it. There will be, for all the differences, very distinct similarities in values, worldviews, and personal development goals.

47

Love Life and Relationship

On defining friendship as caring, concern and a will‑ ingness to act on behalf of one’s friend has another con‑ text as well. In this context, being one’s own friend is thoroughly healthy and in my opinion a necessity. If you cannot be a friend to yourself first, you cannot truly be a friend to anyone else. This is especially true since it takes understanding in order to care. This means you must understand your own self in order to care about ­yourself...that first important step towards real ­friendship. You cannot jump that task to be a true friend to another, who you will almost certainly understand even less than you understand yourself. I respectfully submit that being a friend, whether or not another person is ever a friend back, is one of those important milestones on the road of living a successful and rich life. Trying to earn another person’s friend‑ ship is not the way to go. It is not as important to have friends...it is important to be a friend. Be a friend to yourself first; the others will find you as they are ready. What is so great as friendship, let us carry with what grandeur of spirit we can. Let us be silent—so we may hear the whisper of the gods. Let us not interfere. Who set you to cast about what you should say to the select souls, or how to say any thing to such? No matter how ingenious, no matter how graceful and bland. There are innumerable degrees of folly and wisdom, and for you 48

Friendship—The Ultimate Love

to say aught is to be frivolous. Wait and thy heart shall speak. Wait until the necessary and everlasting over‑ powers you, until day and night avail themselves of your lips. The only reward of virtue is virtue: the only way to have a friend is to be one. You shall not come nearer a man by getting into his house. If unlike, his soul only flees the faster from you, and you shall never catch a true glance of his eye. We see the noble afar off, and they repel us; why should we intrude? Late—very late— we perceive that no arrangements, no introductions or habits of society, would be of any avail to establish us in such relations with them as we desire—but solely the uprise of nature in us to the same degree it is in them: then shall we meet as water with water: and if we should not meet them then, we shall not want them, for we are already they. In the last analysis, love is only the reflec‑ tion of a man’s own worthiness from other men. Men have sometimes exchanged names with their friends, as if they would signify that in their friend each loved his own soul. The higher the style we demand of friendship, of course the less easy to establish it with flesh and blood. We walk alone in the world. Friends, such as we desire, are dreams and fables. But a sublime hope cheers ever the faithful heart, that elsewhere, in other regions of the universal power; souls are now acting, enduring, and daring, which can love us, and which we can love. We may congratulate ourselves that the period of nonage, of follies, of blunders, and of shame, is passed in solitude, 49

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and when we are finished men, we shall grasp heroic hands in heroic hands. Only be admonished by what you already see, not to strike leagues of friendship with cheap persons, where no friendship can be. Our impatience betrays us into rash and foolish alliances which no God attends. By persisting in your path, though you forfeit the little, you gain the great. You demonstrate yourself, so as to put yourself out of the reach of false relations, and you draw to you the first-born of the world—those rare pilgrims whereof only one or two wander in nature at once, and before whom the vulgar great, show as spec‑ tres and shadows merely. It is foolish to be afraid of making our ties too spiri‑ tual; as if so we could lose any genuine love. Whatever correction of our popular views we make from insight, nature will be sure to bear us out in, and though it seem to rob us of some joy, will repay us with a greater. Let us feel, if we will, the absolute insulation of man. We are sure that we have all in us. We go to Europe, or we pursue persons, or we read books, in the instinctive faith that these will call it out and reveal us to ourselves. Beg‑ gars all. The persons are such as we; the Europe, an old faded garment of dead persons; the books, their ghosts. Let us drop this idolatry. Let us give over this mendi‑ cancy. Let us even bid our dearest friends farewell, and defy them, saying, “Who are you? Unhand me: I will be dependent no more.’ Ah! seest thou not, O brother, that thus we part only to meet again on a higher platform, and only be more each other’s, because we are more our 50

Friendship—The Ultimate Love

own?” A friend is Janus-faced: he looks to the past and the future. He is the child of all my foregoing hours, the prophet of those to come, and the harbinger of a greater friend. I do then with my friends as I do with my books. I would have them where I can find them, but I seldom use them. We must have society on our own terms, and admit or exclude it on the slightest cause. I cannot afford to speak much with my friend. If he is great, he makes me so great that I cannot descend to converse. In the great days, presentiments hover before me in the firmament. I ought then to dedicate myself to them. I go in that I may seize them; I go out that I may seize them. I fear only that I may lose them receding into the sky in which now they are only a patch of brighter light. Then, though I prize my friends, I cannot afford to talk with them and study their visions, lest I lose my own. It would indeed give me a certain household joy to quit this lofty seeking, this spiritual astronomy, or search of stars, and come down to warm sympathies with you; but then I know well I shall mourn always the vanishing of my mighty gods. It is true, next week I shall have languid moods, when I can well afford to occupy myself with foreign objects and then I shall regret the lost literature of your mind, and wish you were by my side again. But if you come, perhaps you will fill my mind only with new visions, not with yourself but with your lustre, and I shall not be able any more than now to converse with you. So I will owe to my friends this evanescent intercourse. I will receive 51

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from them not what they have, but what they are. They shall give me that which properly they cannot give, but which emanates from them. But they shall not hold me by any relations less subtle and pure. We will meet as though we met not, and part as though we parted not. It has seemed to me lately more possible than I knew, to carry a friendship greatly, on one side, without due correspondence on the other. Why should I cumber myself with regrets that the receiver is not capacious? It never troubles the sun that some of his rays fall wide and vain into ungrateful space and only a small part on the reflecting planet. Let your greatness educate the crude and cold companion. If he is unequal, he will presently pass away; but thou art enlarged by thy own shining and, no longer a mate for frogs and worms, dost soar and burn with the gods of the empyrean. It is thought a disgrace to love unrequited. But the great will see that true love can‑ not be unrequited. True love transcends the unworthy object, and dwells and broods on the eternal, and when the poor, interposed mask crumbles, it is not sad, but feels rid of so much earth, and feels its independency the surer. Yet these things may hardly be said without a sort of treachery to the relation. The essence of friendship is entireness, a total magnanimity and trust. It must not surmise or provide for infirmity. It treats its object as a god, that it may deify both.

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Chapter CONCLUSION 1

I would conclude by saying that all emotions centre around the name of love. The difference is that we need to mend ourselves to earn happiness out of sadness, joy in place of sorrow, softness instead of hardness and so on. One has to know oneself to be judged. SIMILARLY KNOW ME TO JUDGE ME!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ve learnt that 

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay...



 top making excuses for a man and his behaviour. S Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.



 top trying to change yourselves for a relationship S that’s not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends”. A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend. Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Love Life and Relationship



 on’t stay because you think “it will get better”. D You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.



 he only person you can control in a relationship is T you.



 ever let a man know everything, he will use it N against you!!!!

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them. I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back. I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust and only seconds to destroy it. I’ve learned that it’s not what you have in your live, but who you have in your life that counts. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do. I’ve learned that it’s not what happens to people, it’s what they do about it. I’ve learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides. I’ve learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you’ll see them. I’ve learned that you can keep going long after you think you can’t. I’ve learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. I’ve learned that there are people, who love you dearly, but just don’t know how to show 54

Conclusion

it. I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel. I’ve learned that TRUE friendship continues to grow even over the longest distance; the same goes for TRUE love. I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. I’ve learned that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others, sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself. I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief. I’ve learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other and just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean theydo. I’ve learned that sometimes you have to put the indi‑ vidual ahead of their actions. I’ve learned that two peo‑ ple can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. I’ve learned that no matter the conse‑ quences, those who are honest with themselves get far‑ ther in life. I’ve learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours. I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon. I’ve learned that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings and standing up for what you believe. I’ve learned to love and be loved. 55

Love Life and Relationship

I’ve learned that there’s no one in this world I like ­better or am closer to than my Mom and Dad...They are the ones who will stand with you all the time. I stand up for myself and my beliefs...I stand up for those I love...I speak my mind, think my own thoughts and do things my way. I won’t compromise with what’s in my heart, I live my life MY way. I won’t allow anyone to step on me, I refuse to tolerate injustice. It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be me. So try to stomp on me, douse my inner flame, squash every ounce of beauty I hold within—you won’t succeed. And if that makes me a SUPER WOMAN, I embrace my title and I am proud to be one! There is no real conclusion to life, love and relation‑ ship. The real conclusion lies in the flow of thoughts and measures to implement the love. There are many times when love doesn’t respond the way we want to, or it doesn’t do things to make you feel on top of the heaven. What we need to understand is that love never dies and never goes away. It remains silent forever irrespective of any materialistic things happening or not. It is hard to believe and even hard to implement, but this is the truth. SPREAD THE MESSAGE FOR A BETTER FUTURE … BETTER LIVING … AND HENCE A BETTER LIFE !!!!

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