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Limericks Galore

Cover art and illustrations courtesy of : Google Images and MS Clipart

Limericks Galore Copyright © 2009 by Peter Finlayson All rights reserved.

By Peter Finlayson

Foreword This book is a collection of limericks and the theme is a global one. Each limerick makes reference to a country or city in different parts of the world. The chapters are broken down into continents and sub-continents. There are 70 limericks is this book.

ENJOY !! Limericks Galore Copyright © 2009 by Peter Finlayson All rights reserved.

Limericks Galore

TABLE OF CONTENTS Sub-continent  Europe  South America  Australasia  Asia  Africa  North America 

Limericks Galore Copyright © 2009 by Peter Finlayson All rights reserved.

There was once a man from Calcutta

Who never enjoyed eating butter

He would cover his bread

With jam instead And throw the butter in the gutter

There was a young lad from Dubai Who never would laugh or cry They told him a joke And gave him a poke And still he stood by and by.

There was a deaf chap from Iran

Who’s son was his greatest fan Together they would talk And go for a walk It was good they were from the same clan

There was a young man from Lahore Who chose to be round, not tall He ate lots of curry

In a real great hurry

And now he looks just like a ball

A baseballer from Pakistan Was determined not to be outdone

He batted with grace And ran for home base

And often he’d hit a home run

A soldier who fought in Sri Lanka In his youth was a star slam dunker

He would dodge the grenades

And hit them straight back with spades As he took cover in his military bunker

A sherper who lived in Tibet Claimed the mountain for him was no threat Up Everest he’d climb Through the snow and the slime And would always proclaim it “No sweat”!

There was a clown from Nepal Who really was on the ball

He would juggle cups and plates

While the audience awaits

For the cups and the plates to fall

There was a tramp from Bhutan

I believe his name was Dan

He roamed the plains Amongst the ruins and remains

Looking for scraps for his clan

An athlete from Bangladesh Needed to cool and refresh He was on a long run And it wasn’t for fun

And sprinkled water onto his flesh

There was a young lady from Spain

Who loved to dance in the rain

One very wet day

She fell into the bay

And never went dancing again!

There was a meat eater from Cork

Who loved his beef and his pork He would eat with his hands

With his plate in the sands And not use a knife or a fork

There was a man from Gibralter

Who led his wife to the alter Cause of too many rows

They retook their vows

They had which had caused them to falter.

There was a hunter from Kiev

Who kept a knife up his sleeve

He crept up to a buck And his knife got stuck And the buck he was forced to leave

A very young girl from Helsinki

Her name I believe was Minki

She played quite a lot

With her friends on a plot

And their names were Dinki and Pinki

There was a young sheep in Greece

Who was lacking a warm woolly fleece

He was given a coat

From a friendly goat

and enjoyed life thereafter in peace.

There was a painter from Warsaw

Who loved to paint and to draw

He sketched a large fountain On the top of a mountain Without any blemish or flaw

There was a young swimmer from Kent

Who had a back that was bent In lane one he would dive

And end up in five

because he never knew which way he went.

There was a bird from Bern Which I believe was a tern It would fly round the city And take great, great pity On the heads of the statues in Bern

There was a young guy from Genoa

Who was a very good thrower

He was scared of a snake

So he picked up a rake

And threw it with force at a boa

There was once an old man from Rome

Who decided to light up his dome

He struck a match On his very bald patch

And set fire to his dome and his home

There was a cheese-maker from Harlem

Who loved to ride the slalom

He loved cheddar cheese Which he ate at high speed As he raced down the ice shute in tandom

There was a chef from Belgrade

Who battled to make the grade

His food tasted bland

His soups were like sand

And he’d dish up his stew with a spade

A winemaker who came from Lisboa

He thought his name was Noah

It started to rain In a vat he’d remain

Till the rain came down slower and slower

There was a strongman from Brussels

Who loved to flex his muscles

He would put on a show And cause his biceps to grow

And frighten his eight jack russell’s

There was an old granny from Eira

“Who’s name by the way, was Sarah” She made up her face

And dressed in fine lace

And now looks so much fairer

There was a young damsel in France

Who really enjoyed a good prance

She climbed Notre Dame

And came to no harm

As on top she decided to dance.

There was a young lady from Cuba Who was good at playing the tuba

She took a very long blast

And said goodbye to her past

As she swallowed the tuba in Cuba

There was a pirate from Peru

Who was very rude to his crew They shot him with a blank

And made him walk the plank

And served him up in the stew

There was another man from Peru Who stuck his fingers with glue

It happened at night

He got one hecka’ve fright

And he didn’t have a clue what to do

A volleyball player from Brazil Was blessed with a great deal of skill

He spent time on the beach And the youngsters he’d teach

And spectators he managed to thrill

A zoo-keeper from Argentina

Needed to feed a hyena

He stepped into the cage

Caused the hyena to rage

And the keeper pranced like a ballerina

There was a jockey from Chile

Who loved to ride on a filly He took part in a race

They came in first place

And the crowd went all crazy and silly

In Paraguay there lived a clown

Around the town he’d walk up and down He’d laugh at the people and crack a joke They’d laugh at him back and give him a poke

But this happy clown would never frown

A goal-keeper from Panama City

Was short, stocky, strong and gritty

He played many a match

But was unable to catch A ball, which was a great pity!

In Colombia there was a man with a sword

Who never liked being ignored

He would love to taunt And his long sword flaunt

And think of nothing untoward !!

There was a gal from Bolivia Whose christian name was Olivia

She would make a huge fuss

About riding on a bus

And in the end it was all trivia

There was once a granny from Perth

who sang for all she was worth

Her voice was quite shrill

and she created a thrill as she sang of her life on this earth.

An Aussie man had no heart

He started to fall apart

He needed an op

But started to pop

And the doctors never knew where to start

An accountant from downtown Brisbane

Drank a bottle and a half of champagne He felt nothing at first

And then an insatiable thirst

And his head was in considerable pain

An organ donor from Sydney

Decided to pass on his kidney

He went for the op

But the surgeons had to stop

‘cause his wife started screaming like a banshee!

A rally driver from Darwin

Took his 4X4 for a spin

He went seriously off-road

nearly drove over a toad

Which almost jumped out of its skin!

A rugby player from Tonga

Could not seem to wait any longer He loved being in the scrum

Alongside his chum

Who was bigger and broader and stronger!

A poor hobo who lived in Dunedin Used to eat what came out of a bin

He’d spend his time having many fits Looking around for tasty titbits And often he just couldn’t win!

There was a bright girl from Peking who was allergic to a bee sting she once got a bite and got quite a fright as her arm was put in a sling

There was once a young man from Hong Kong who was neither short nor long

he wanted to be tall

and took many a fall

off the stilts he bought for a song.

There was once a big man from Japan Who ate his rice from a pan

He also loved fish

Which he ate from a dish

And sushi and noodles from a can

An apprentice chef from Korea Caused his customers to get diarrhea

He made a mistake with a cake

He used a dirty garden rake

And he really had no idea !

A ping pong player from Singapore

Always battled to remember the score He had a great serve

Which caused the ball to curve

And his opponent would fall on the floor !

A soldier from Southern Vietnam Was part of a military scam

He crept out one night And ran back in full flight

In search of a battering ram

There was a young lad from Libya

Who fell and fractured his tibia There was quite a crack When he fell on his back

While running down south in Namibia

The was once a young man from Mali Who believed he was the great Ali

They nicknamed him Clay

‘cause he would fight all day

With his spar mate who was a Bengali

There was a young boy from Uganda

Who’s favourite pet was a panda

He taught it to swim which was really quite grim

As it only liked staying on the veranda

There was a young girl from Sudan who conjured a masterful plan

A cake she would bake

And lots of money she’d make And was soon the star of her clan

There was an old man from Zim .

Who had a friend called Jim They went to Harare

On an outdoor safari

And saw Tim and his twin brother Wim

In far north-eastern Botswana

Lived a seamstress by the name of Jana She would always impress With a beautiful dress

And a matching colour bandana

Just off the coast of Morocco

Was found a rather large mako It had swum onto ground

And never made a sound

And was found by a fisherman called Jaco

There was a thief from Gabon Who proved to be quite a con

The locals he’d attack

And steal clothes off their back

And sell them for close to a song!

Near the great lakes of Wisconsin Lived a hillbilly named Johnson He went for a swim

In Lake Michigan And came out as clean as a pin

On the way to a show in Wisconsin Was a cowboy named Abe Johnson

He fell off his horse

And went totally off course

And missed the show and the swansong!

There was this young guy from Missouri

Who worked in the local brewery

It was no work and all play He drank beers through the day And ended up in front of a jury.

There was an ape from Montana And her owners called her Joanna

She liked lots of fruits And she also ate roots But her favourite food was a banana

There was a bird from Kentucky

Who was known to be very plucky

But one day he died

And became Kentucky fried He was obviously not very lucky

There was a rancher from Texas

Who rode a horse called Lexus He fell off his horse When it quickly changed course And injured his solar plexus

There was a man from Dakota . Who didn’t care an iota

Whether his car was sound

Or run into the ground

Or if it was a Ford or Toyota

A hiker from Colorado

Decided to prove his bravado He hiked twenty miles

Without too many smiles

And only drank pino-colado

There was a Scot from Kansas Whose name was Billy St Angus

His budget was spent

So he lived in a tent Made of plastic, nylon and canvas

There was a young girl from Nevada Who married a man called Estrada

They both liked hot food

Which put them in the mood For chillies and spiced enchillada

There was a young girl called Dinah Who was born in North Carolina She thought it a feat

To eat lots of meat

And was the cause of a huge angina.

In far away Pennsylvania Lived a baker called Alfred Dania He loved to make bread And he claimed to have said

He would send it to outer Tanzania

In the State of Oklahoma A chef achieved his diploma

He cooked some great food Which tasted real good

And it gave off a fantastic aroma

There was a farmer from Maine

Who experienced a great deal of rain

His crops washed away And there was many a day

That he went short of wheat and of grain

Way down in Mississippi

Lived a down and out old hippy

A pipe he would smoke

Until he was finally broke And then he felt far from zippy.

There was a dancer from Vancouver

Who proved to be quite a mover She pranced up and down All the streets in the town

until she fell into a louvre

Way down South in Arizona

Lived a young nurse called Ramona

She worked for a doctor

Whose name was Tim Procter

And together then invented the sonar

An actor from Idaho

Was chosen to be in a show

His main claim to fame

Was to rescue a dame Who was kidnapped and left in the snow.

There was once a beggar in New York Who never could find any work He’d laze around all day

Without any pay

and eat pork with a knife and a fork

A pretty actress called Diana

Was born in the state Lousiana She bumped her head

At the back of the bed

And was forced to wear a bandana

An IT student from Utah

Managed to crash his computer

He went to his Prof

Who said “That’s enough!!”

And he needed some help from his tutor

There was a horse from Wyoming

Who loved to go a-roaming

It would trot at great speed Like a captive horse freed

And look forward to its daily combing

The End

Limericks Galore Copyright © 2009 by Peter Finlayson All rights reserved.