Lifting Barriers

African and Caribbean people tell stories of struggle, strength and achieving mental health

Lifting

BARRIERS NHS

Authors Autherine Atkinson, Corrine Douglas, David Francis, Mark Laville, Sidney Millin, Juliana Pamfield, Peter Smith and Raymond Smith. Drawings by David Francis Print, Copy, & Design - 020 7613 0045 2008 © The named authors Acknowledgements We would like to thank Patience Seebohm for helping us to tell our stories and create this book. We would also like to thank Mark Whyte, Project Co-ordinator of the Mental Health Guide Programme, for his constant support and practical help. The book has been funded by Mellow, East London NHS Foundation Trust, with additional financial support from Social Action for Health. We would like to thank both these organisations and THACMHO for their support. Richard Neville, of Stories in the Street, shared his ideas and books with us. These gave us the spark which shaped the book. We would also like to thank Baden Prince and Philip Morgan for their help. Pavilion Publishing has kindly allowed us to use extracts from the published stories of Mark (A Life in the Day 2006, Volume 10, Issue 4) and Peter (A Life in the Day 2007, Volume 11, Issue 3). Finally, we thank the team at Access for heir helpful and flexible approach to the design of the book.

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here is an old African proverb which states that ‘until the lion is able to tell

its own story, the hunter will always glorify

The stories reflect not only on the battles against racism and the oppression but probably the hardest battle of all, the battles that rage within.

the hunt’. In this book the story is truly told from the perspective of lions. Lifting Barriers is a collection of uplifting, spiritual and powerful stories from Black Women and Men who are in every sense of the word ‘survivors’; survivors not only of an illness that has taken so many lives, but survivors of a mental health system that is only now beginning to tackle its treatment of Black people, and survivors of a community where mental illness is often hidden, a ‘closely guarded secret’, as described by Autherine in the book.

The story tellers take you through their own personal journeys starting with ‘Arrival,’ a description of how they came here from the Caribbean and Africa, and ends with ‘Final Thoughts,’ where the story tellers pose some unanswered questions and comments for the reader to reflect upon, the most poignant of which, for me is: ‘..Having a mental illness is not the end but merely the beginning of a journey with lots of twists and turns with plenty of ups and downs. We have to learn how best we can

Foreword

Foreword

cope and hope that the support we require will be there. We must find out what is best for us and to look forward not backwards. Most important of all is to never say die, never give up that fight and to help others along the way.’ This book marks an important contribution to the growing field of survivor stories. For me, as someone who has experienced mental ill health and who now works for mental health services, it has been a great privilege and pleasure to personally know some of the story tellers but also to read the Lion’s story. Robert Jones

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About this book

About this book

OUR PURPOSE

THE STORIES

EDUCATIONAL RESOURCE SHEETS

ental health is a topic the Black community sweeps under the carpet, hoping it will go away. We hope that by telling our stories the barriers will be lifted and we can embrace each other with love and unity.

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irst, we introduce ourselves. We share our journeys: how we come to be here, life’s downward spiral, the battles we fought, the strength we found, and the passions that drive us forward to help those who come behind us. We share thoughts on our heritage, our communities and our life today. Finally, we leave you, the reader with some unanswered questions and comments on our journey.

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We hope that this book will help the Government and all of its departments, particularly the NHS and mental health services, to understand the true reality of how African and African Caribbean people have been denied the quality of care that they need and the opportunities in life that they are entitled to enjoy.

Finally, the stories are an illustration of our mental, physical and spiritual journeys in coming to terms with living in British society. 2

Our stories are true reflections though some of us have chosen to change our names.

e have also produced resource sheets based on extracts from the book for educational purposes. We hope to use these in different locations across East London, with the support of the Mental Health Guide Programme.

Contents

Contents

Foreword

1

About this Book

2

The Mental Health Guide Programme

4

Greetings and Introductions

5

Arrival

7

The Downward Spiral

11

Fighting the Battles

15

Great Strength

21

Passion and Purpose

25

Distant Worlds

29

Restoring Community

33

The Story-teller Now

37

Final Thoughts

41

Close

43

First Day At School Inna England A poem by Autherine Atkinson

44

Contact Details

Inside Back Cover 3

The Mental Health Guide Programme, Social Action for Health (SAfH)

The Mental Health Guide Programme, Social Action for Health (SAfH)

he Mental Health Guide Programme has evolved from SAfH’s Health Guide Initiative which trains and supports local people to act as health guides within their community, in their own language. The Mental Health Guide (MHG) Programme works in a similar way but with a mental health focus. Mental Health Guides are service users, carers and concerned citizens who work in pairs to deliver sessions to groups of people in the community

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and mental health settings, facilitating access to services by sharing information. At the same time, they hear the concerns of local people and these are reported back to the Local Implementation Team and senior management within the East London NHS Foundation Trust. All the Mental Health Guides trained in the first year of the programme, 2006/7, were from African and Caribbean communities and, to date

NHS 4

(spring 2008), most session participants have been African or African Caribbean but no one is excluded. The MHG programme is delivered by SAfH in partnership with Mellow and is funded by the City and Hackney Teaching Primary Care Trust. For more information contact the Project Co-ordinator (see the back of the book for contact details).

e would like to share our stories with you. Please take your time to read them, and we hope you enjoy them. Before you do that, I would like to introduce myself to you.

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My name is Autherine. I was born in Jamaica, and migrated to England at the tender age of twelve, in the year 1967. I have lived in the East End of London since that time and have seen a lot of changes. As the years passed by, I became interested in various subjects, but my main interest was mental health, as it is a topic the Black community sweeps under the carpet, hoping it will go away. While my son was at college, he got mental health problems, which was devastating for him and the whole family. But we

have a positive outlook on life and supported him with lots of love and understanding. It was hard but it paid off. In 2006, I joined a Mental Health Guide course to find out more about mental health and to help our people. I always believe in giving something back to the community. While on the course I met some lovely people, and we created a bond, hence this book came about.

You will notice that we all came from different backgrounds, but this did not hinder us from forming an understanding of each other, working together and becoming close. I love the diversity of the group as each one of us is unique in our own way of life,

Greetings to everyone

Greetings to everyone

but we have the same interest to support our people who suffer from mental health problems. We hope this book will be beneficial and motivating, for you to go away and feel that you have gotten s o m e inspiration from it. Autherine

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Introduction of the group

Introduction of the group

This is who we are and how you can find our contributions through the book.

David

Steve Steve’s story is told by his mother.

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Julia

Anthony

Autherine

Peter

Sidney

Eva

Mark

Arrival

Arrival

Our stories begin with a description of how we came to be here. Most of us came from the Caribbean as young people, others were born here, with one coming from Africa.

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Arrival I would like to share with you the pho to taken for my passport to come to England. The dressmaker mad e a dress for me and I was very excited, receiving a brand new dress. I was told to be very serious for the photo and not smile. In Jamaica this is an important time; everything has to be perfect, and if you get it wrong you get punished. I remember that day so clea rly. My grandmother took me to King ston, a place I never went before. Everything moved so fast, I was afraid I would get knocked over. My aunt had sent a ticket from England. The airline was B.O.A.C. British Overseas Airways Corporation. I still have that ticket for £80, and I travelled on my own . It was scary, and I was very nervous. When I was in Jamaica, I heard England was paved with gold, and it is the mother land. Most of my relatives were here and I felt lonely in Jamaica. I arrived in East Lon don, twelve years old. It was fogg y and dull. My feelings wer e mixed. I missed my grandmother so much, I cried and cried. I called her Sojourner Truth, she was so strong. I did not know my mother as she had emigrated when I was six years old and now she had my new brothers and sisters to care for. At the same time, I was excited to visit England. I liked the idea of everything being indoors. In Jam aica our kitchen was outside. But I missed the sunshine and fres h fruits. The paraffin heater made me cough and sneeze a lot. Autherine

rest Arsenal footbal ground is the nea and n bor s landmark to where I wa h wit e live. I shared the family hom er four brothers - one younger, two old h bot re we We n. and my identical twi of r me sum born premature in the a, 1973. My parents are from Jamaic my dad is from and my mum is from Highgate St Mary’s when I was young, Kingston. My father wasn’t around ther did whatever but though things were hard, my mo . We are quite life she could to give us a good start in you are in crisis, If close, like a support network. . someone in the family can help you Peter

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and I om St Lucia, fr re a y il m My fa rs old I was 15 yea e. er th n or b was ving in . I have been li er ov e m ca I en wh s time. My kid g n lo a r fo Hackney my one else from o n t u b e er live h s of my other member e th ll A . y il fam parts of in different e v li y il m fa ney. o one in Hack Britain, but n

I’m from Jamaica, Clarendon. Tha t was the best time of my life. When I came to England I was 8 years old and lived in Che ltenham, which is predominately white. School was hard not because I couldn’t read or write but because in Jamaica nobody told me that I am Black, and it was shocking when people started calling me names. The first time I was quite depressed and wanted to go back home. When you are in Jamaica everyone thinks England is pretty, but it isn’t.

Arrival

It was a sn owy Decem ber morning in 1995 when I first arrived in E n g la nd from Zimbabwe lo oking to mak e a new sta in life. I had rt left my wife and two you ng daughters be hind in Zimb abwe becaus we could no e t afford the air fare to a come togeth ll er. It took m e six months of working twe lve hour shifts a s a s e cu rity guard before I was finally re u n it e d with my wife and youngest da ughter. Sidney

I left my family when I was 15 and because I had friends in London I came here. It’s the first place you head to, isn’t it – your frien ds. Also there were tons of Black people here and I think that was the attraction. My frien d worked for an agency, so she took me alon g with her, we lied about my age and I went to work. That’s how I came to be in Hackne y and I’ve been here ever since. Eva

Julia

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Arrival

I was born in the Comm onwealth of Dominica. My parents had m ig rated to the UK when I was still a bab y so I was brought up by my grandparen ts and I was very close to them. Comin g to England when I was 14 years old w as n’ t a happy journey for m e. I cried on th e p lane from Dominica. It was heartbreak in g to leave my grandmother an d all my friend s. A big chun of my life was k missing. I ca m e st ra ig ht to Hackney with my brothers an d si st er s. That was in 1975 an d I have been here since then . Mark

to school in ed and went is ra , rn o b e for over I was een living her b e I’v . ey are from Hackn t my parents u b s, ar ye oseness forty e a family cl av h e W . Jamaica bringing. ped in my up which has hel Anthony

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Steve was born in the East End of London in 1989 and lived here all his life. H e is the fifth child out of five children, and the only son. Living with a singl e parent, he is th e on ly boy, so that was one of his headaches. About Steve

I was born in Hackney and have always lived in Hackn ey, I suppose it’s because th is where my m at um lived. I use d to live in E9 area and befo re that E8. N ow I’m in E5 I’ve got quite . a bit of famil y in Hackney Both my gran . dparents live here. I’ve go brothers in H t ackney and co usins in the Stoke Newingt on area. I wen t to school her at Homerto e n House b etween 198 and1989. 4 David

Here we describe how our lives started to spiral downwards. For some, the loss of family and cultural connections made life hard. Often the difficulties began at school where it seemed a low priority was given to us as Black students. Despite trying to fit in and follow the rules, the main barrier was our blackness.

The Downward Spiral

The Downward Spiral

11

The Downward Spiral

I wanted to get good marks at school. But the push I used to get in Jamaica, I did not receive it here. It was hard, getting used to the language, getting used to the people, getting used to the school system. No Black history was taught and many children lost their Caribbean identity. There was a lack of understanding of the way we were as human beings, and we came across struggle, rejection and verbal abuse. My hopes were to study and become a nurse, but I got distracted with friends and did not get enough career support. Coming to school in England affected me so much I wrote a poem called First Day At School Inna England (which you can read at the end of this book). Autherine

I went to scho ol and didn’t lik e it at all. I missed Domin ica, I missed m y friends, I hated leav ing my gran d m Nobody knew other. why I was cryi ng all the time. I was ju st so lonely. Going to somewhere co mpletely new, you’ve got to make friend s again and it seemed so hard because I was – well, I still am – a very quiet perso n. Reserved. It was like everything had gone out of my life when I left Dominica. I wanted to b e an electricia n, but they said to me, ‘You can’t do that, w hy don’t you do somet hing like paint ing and decorating?’ W hen I left scho ol I went to college, I did electro nics and qualified as an electrician. I m ade some really good fr iends in the en d, and it was great whe n I got to kno w them. They still look after me. Mark

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My mum, bri nging home the school report, would moan and say "What about English and maths?" and I couldn’t understand w hat she was getting at, I got a decent report, I’m go od, I’m doing something go od. Only whe n I got older I realised what she was goin g on about, but I couldn’t see it at the ti me. There is a problem in education as regards the colour of your skin. It took me a lit tle while to co me to terms with how lif e is, the un fairness and prejudice, just by the colour of your skin. That is hard to deal with sometimes. I was always to ld "Treat peop le how they treat you." If someone trea te d me good, I would treat them good. If th ey treated me bad, I’m going to trea t them bad back. You star t judging them , so it builds up these vibe s. I try my be st to be fair and say "We ll everyone is equal," but when people are looking a t me like I’m lower than the m, then it’s dif ficult. I don’t have any resp ect for them. Peter

My son took ill with mental health, he was only 17 at the time. I cannot put my finger on one thing why he became ill. I think he went and delved into a bit of drugs. That wasn’t the first of it, though. He said to me "Mum when I’m at school, I’m being bullied. Oh Mum, they said I’m a bit soft, they say I’m sissy." I think he had issues with his sexuality and he didn’t know how to come out about it. I did ask him - the type of person I am, I don’t like going around the bush - I asked him straight out and I think I must have shocked him. "No Mum, no I’m not." So I said "Okay, even if you are, I’m not gonna disown you. No, no I’m not." Then he said "Okay I’m gonna go to church to get help." He joined the Jehovah Witness church. Then I thought it was the church making him ill.

Being from a West Indian ba ckground, afte decided to up rI and leave hom e, my family would have no thing more to do with me ‘You’re not m – y daughter ’ – so it was hard decided to go ba . I ck to college. I did Family an Community C d are hoping that would get me better job. I fo a und it doesn’t really get you better job, it a just gets you in a different position.

The Downward Spiral

hool and d secondary sc an y ar im pr I went to ise that I t did not real bu e, eg ll co then to rther my iversity to fu n u to o g could to bring up g my struggle n ri u D . on ti educa out I could , I then found en dr il ch r u fo my ersity. oing to univ g ds ar w to have worked ry that I could elayed discove d y m te pi es D I am ic education, em ad ac an ed have gain for me to is not too late it at th y sa pleased to Julia start.

Eva

He was trying to listen to what they said around homosexuality. I think it was a bit too much for him. He’s got low self-esteem and his confidence wasn’t very forthcoming. Reflecting back on all that was going on with him, I think probably it all either started at school or at home where he was the only boy. I can’t pinpoint it’s this one reason or that one; it was all these different issues. I think it all came in one little circle, one little whirlwind – and he tried to cope with it, he tried to hack it, tried to live a normal life. About Steve

13

The Downward Spiral

Within months of being reunited with my wife, our relationship became strained as I got more and more frustrated at not being able to get a job in my true profession as a journalist. There was a lot of stress, a new environment, a new culture, a new way of life and I just couldn’t cope any more. I didn’t have the kind of outlets to relieve the stresses and pressures that I used to have back in Africa. I had nowhere to turn, nobody knew where to go for help, and I eventually received help after being arrested by the police for causing a public disturbance and taken to hospital. I experienced my first episode of manic depression and less than a year after she arrived, my wife and I split up. She took my daughter and moved from South to East London. Heartbroken, confused and depressed I began the journey of trying to rebuild my broken life. Another six months later I felt I had made progress when I found a job as a parking attendant, reunited with my wife and daughter and moved to East London. I thought East London was the place I could start to realise my hopes and dreams, but reality soon struck. Within months I suffered my second manic episode.

I believe the cause and his tory of menta distress is th l e social envi ro nment people are in, or it co uld be financi al or it could b lack of educa e tion. A lot o f Black youn kids are com g ing out of sch ool without an education an y d there isn’t really any ho for them bec pe ause they hav en’t got any qualifications to get a job . They can support them ’t selves, be in dependent, o be a construct r ive member o f society. So lot of them fa a ll by the waysi de. Anthony

re of the is in the ca m le b ro p are set up, The s. How they em st sy t en m that are govern but the people , em st sy e th they are not just em, it’s like st sy e th ng ti ans any represen e not like hum ar ey th , ed is ey are dehuman me robots, th o ec b e av h more. They intelligence to own personal r ei th g n si u t are being no It’s clear they . le p eo p help e computer e book or th th y b to d te y what the dicta them: they sa f o t on fr in screen em to say. en is telling th computer scre

Sidney

David

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We fought against the mental health system and the oppression facing African and Caribbean people. But there were other battles we had to fight within ourselves.

Fighting the Battles

Fighting the Battles

15

Fighting the Battles 16

as 19. I was me unwell I w ca e be spital, getting st fir I When , having strang and out of ho on in g in as go w I as w de hat t in hospitals ne deca unaware of w eling that no-o eatment you ge tr fe e e, u Th on al d. ne so io ing sect as though yo thoughts, feel frightening, so u get treated as w yo ht it e; ig an m d m an le hu e is in I was up for s. Some peop t you understood m ’t sleep or eat. have any right dn t ul n’ o co I do tw they trea . ty ng ni en frighte ying this, but or even tw sa y e da m a s to ur ct ho obje criminal, even tnap at least twenty urs, a little ca orse than a w ho y , o dy tw r bo fo no ep like one committed an hours and asle ht not have I felt suicidal at ig l m s. ta u ou en yo nd m rre a gh ho thou at you have th and it was just is e im cr crime. Your help. point. and just need er rd so di th al in he kdown, my tw at’s it, I had a brea e e er m w ti us st . I’d had it, th fir of er ov th The as bo w so e lif l, sfied e as wel I thought my t I wasn’t sati ell, it just Bu w un . brother had on r w he no ot ne br I saw my my life is do unwell. When . de si in with that. cracked me up e m rist and he sent e the psychiat se to Peter t "There is en w e W . He said ay aw r he to ot and my br ". We got in with you guys ng ro w ter that. g in th no week or two af a e lic po e th getting trouble with then ended up d an up ed ck al. That We got lo It seems to me hiatric hospit yc ps e th we are living fr to we’d got the transferred if om the legacy d sl te avery where w en ev pr of en e. be m e now are trau it never ca could have e, m matised, trying ca r to ve ge ne it t t ba bu ck lp he o ur culture, re necessary ligion, name, language and liv pleasure from h in g in a state of uc m t ge ’t dn di ," I confusion. I ha is ve a deep feeling nnab Back home, of a people w et me have ca "L t gh ou th as I hi ithout their s, st ory and no kn door anything so owledge of th I would be in y. pp ha is e m em ab kn selves, not owing where w that made to call cann e have been or ds, and I used and w go up he in e re we are g. m e O silly as it soun on pp ph ression is not y mum would a good feeling. just I’m ha h ve "O to " "my friend". M re r? We -programme ou te you doing Pe r minds from m said I ?" sl av at er th y. say "What are is en W ho tal e must fight po friend." "Oh w verty, crime an feeling of power cannabis was here with my d; d ee th w e e th le as ss ness. ." It w "Oh it’s just… ght. Autherine my friend I thou it. I didn’t buy on t en sp t ge would . For over a All my money cted my health fe af it d an gs new thin

Fighting the Battles

r people little help fo s a ntrollable w re e th ecomes unco I found rged from b a it h c ry is g d n a o re a manic we get s evolves into ischarged when they d is s th a w lly I a s rm e o greatest ny tim and n s and my nger is my it hospital. Ma a b y to M t o h s . e er I can episod fidence t these ntrol my ang a co with my con s n a w ca I it If is d low an monster. That battle r. an ever, te th s self esteem n re o o m m e lp e eeded h control th by times that I n as surprised w I . e n o n s ongoing. a yet there wa e and stigm ic d ju re p f o een around to the amount for me has b s. In trying le s tt e a n b ill r l e ta th n o e m An rs I refused surrounding or m any yea spend many F ld . u o ce w n I ta p n e fused to ow acc diagnosis, re cope on my n, virtually io y s s m re t p p e e d cc to a deep tal illness. when I did months in had a men d I n a t , a d th rl o t w p see the the acce fusal I didn’t would go re shut off from I n is io th s f s o re e p s e stopped the d Becau Periods n and always . o come out of e ti d a o ic is d p e e m r ic ly after a man need fo and far on immediate ti a straight into w ic fe d e re m e y w Since I taking m for me e with m hospital. o liv fr of stability to d e w rg o a h ch w have idn't kno being dis y condition I rn for m tu t p to e between, I d cc re a e h to w e m nd had no have com iously and a my illness a erienced the dication relig xp e e I m ll , e y p rs m s a t e n s y e e t k g h ta lon d help. For eig f going in an g through the o in e o r g m ve y ro o tl d n n in e y l rr s r cu pita revolving doo mitted to hos t began using d a rs fi g I in n e e b h t o W of n al. rvices in out of hospit tal health se n e m ten years. n o r d e n h ere eit East Lo w s e ic rv e s unity those 1998, comm stent. In all xi -e n o n Sidney r o ormal life n appalling a s a w r fo earned orked years, all I y ther who w fa d n a d n a . But for as a husb for his family d e d vi ro p d an and reality my hopes rs a e y y n ma part. illion miles a seemed a m ntal health of using me rs a e y y m that has In all en my anger e b s a h it me s service for getting le ib s n o p s h Act, been re Mental Healt e th r e d n u sectioned While I am in. a g a e m ti es I time and on, sometim rs e p t ie u q generally a

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Fighting the Battles I think I’ve be en suffering d epression for years, but I’ve 20 never been d iagnosed unti recently. I was l drinking heav ily, my first wife left me so I w as living on m y own, drinkin every day an g d still depress e d, depressed We had a . lot of argu ments in th relationship b at ecause we w ere both you and running ng each other d own. Then became so ill I I had to stop the drinking fo three years r while I waite d for a live transplant. Th r is year I think something was building up ag ain. I went to the bettin shop because g I’ve got a bit of a gambling problem as w ell. I was tryin g to make a b more money it but it didn’t w ork. So I just went and had a drink. I sa id that would cool me dow n, it would ch ill my anxiety and stress bu t it had the o pposite effec got more stre t, it ssful. I had fo ur, five, drinks, carried on an I d could not st op ‘til I felt I w going to die. as Mark

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I will tell you about my fam ily. My sister suffers from de pression, when she doesn’t ge out of bed, do t esn’t leave he r home but my brother is wor se because at times he will things that are see not there, he w ill say things th don’t make sens at e. At first I used laugh and say to him "Stop be ing silly man." It was almost like he was pret ending. Now as I’ m older and he sees people who have been dead for God knows how lo ng, I will actu ally say to hi "Yeah I probab m ly can see, just not in the sam way as you." e He was a little bit off for a w hile and then m mum died and y he became wor se , worse, worse And then my . dad died, and be become ev worse, hysteric en ally worse, un til I felt that he needed to be put into hospit al . He is a long distance lorry driver. He w as driving from Scotland back to Cheltenham an d I don’t know what he saw, but he dumpe d th e load on the motorway, mes sed the whole th in g, and had to explain his si tuation to the police. Funni enough they le ly t him go. I was shocked. Eva

Then I approa ched this projec t in our area, community youth a service. They ca lled a meeting, an ever ything came d out, he started to cr y and said "O Mum, I’ve been h bullied at school , so rr y I di dn’t tell you. I’m very we ak, my sexuality, I do n’ t kn ow where that come from bu t I can’t help the wa y I’m th in king." So I tried to help him. Then he said "M um, Jehovah W itness is a bit to whitish if you kn o ow what I mean, it’s not teaching about myself, its m e not teaching me about my Black se The people in th lf. e little booklets ar e al l wh ite and I can’t see myself in it". Me, I’m in N at io n of Islam, so he said "Mum can I join?" I jo in ed Is la m a good fifteen years ago now, but I never ever force it on an of my children. y They came to a meeting now an again. d

paying for it. St eve came out all positive and I wa so glad. He wa s s back to his no rm al se lf un started again an til it d that’s when it go t wo rs e. wasn’t eating, wa He sn’t sleeping and would start goin out in the garden g in the middle of the night saying me "Mum you’ to ve got to be ca reful there’s wh people next door ite …if you go out th er e, th ey ’re gonna get you." That is the time I real ise it’ s go ne too far, it’s escalated. Th is Black doctor di dn ’t ha ve all the answers for him. Probably had so me, but not all.

Fighting the Battles

I took Steve to Jamaica because he loved going Jamaica, but I th to ink some of the gu ys in th e village must have realise d "Oh he’s a lit tle bi t so ft." It affected him so much, when he ca m e ba ck Jamaica he stoppe from d talking to the family.

We took him to the child psycho logist at the loca Child and Fam l ily Service. W hen they finish interviewing Stev ed e, they said he ha d ‘Formal Though Disorder ’. It’s th t e first time I had he ar d of that, but they said some pe ople get this psyc ho tic se eing and hearing and illus ion. That was th e hi st or y of it. Ever ything just ca me crashing down on him. About Steve

Then he wasn’t sle eping, he wasn’t eating and I said "Steve you need help." I took him to this Blac doctor that I kn k ow - a private do ctor, I didn’t min d 19

Fighting the Battles 20

My battles hav e been with th e Jobcentre, it they don’t wan seems t you to bette r your position the system is and not set up to help you do th are faced with at. You lots of barrier s. When I was d ealing with th e Jobcentre st almost messed aff they up my course for me because were saying they I wasn’t elig ible for Job Allowance w Seekers hile studying part ti went with my learning agreem me. One day I ent which gave hours that I w the as studying to prove that I w studying 16 as not hours (this would make ineligible). Th me e advisor didn ’t even look at just said, "You it , he are not allow ed to sign on though my le " even arning agreem ent clearly stat I was studyin ed that g for fifteen an d a half hours therefore was and eligible. His actions resulted benefits being in my stopped for tw o months. From then on , it was a big struggle to ge was entitled to t what I and it was a ve ry stressful tim me. There w e for ere times wh en I didn’t h money to trav ave any el to college. It felt like they trying to keep were me down and I began to stew this issue. On e day when I on went to the Jo I was talking bcentre to an advisor about reinstat benefits and an ing my other person ju mped in front and took the at of m e tention of the advisor. I felt ignored and so low, so angry at m y situation th lashed out. at I just I lashed out. I felt like ther nothing worth e was keeping my co ol for. David

u just ion where yo ss re ep d ed u feel I’ve suffer ything or yo an o d to t en I don’t wan your life. Wh in g in en p ap consultant, nothing is h mental health a e se to t wen But all that medication. e m e av g a drugged they e person in th t u p is n’t solve does edication does M e. at st se o what the comat en find out ev r o , m le b the pro problem is. Anthony

We are not afraid to face our problems. We have the ability to demonstrate leadership in our community, pull our resources together and move forward with trust and love.

Great Strength

Great Strength

21

Great Strength

After years of going in and out of hospital and having to deal with the whole ordeal that process, of it got to the point where couldn’t take I ending up in hospital any more. The b urden on fam ily and friend made me stop s and think that I did have an illness that I ne eded to consid er. That was the first step.

I had a commun ity psychiatric nurse but she wouldn’t visit me at home. I felt that she had made a d ecision about m e by reading my file, so the relationship b roke down. In the end it was frustrating me so much that I decided to sa y "I could g et on better without the he lp of you guy s so just take me off your file s and I’ll do it It took me long myself." er to accept th at medication would keep From there I’v me well, beca e just gone use the side effects contribu on and done better and be ted more harm en proactive than good. I would take it in looking after m for a period, a yself and nd then, when helping peo felt better w I p le in the community who ithin myself, I would stop are less fortun taking my m ate than me. I was taking m edication and y medication continue to smoke cannab up until about 2004. I’ve put is, which resu lt in ed admissions co in nt fu in rt g he e ncy plans and r know I can’ to hospital. t do certain th During my admission in 2 ings. I have have the righ 002, I talked to to t amount of sl a member of staff I knew fr eep. I have to have a decent om my first st d ay in hospital iet. I have the and we dis right support network so w cussed the hen things are importance o medication. I f well I can no t going so decided that call on these I would make greater effort people to help a out. Even to stick to it an me though I still d this I did fo two years, have the diso r I’m coping until I deve rd er, with it and I’m loped kidne problems due bossing it. It’s y bossing m to the medica no e. t tion. I was to by my psychia ld trist at all or try ano that I could take nothing Peter ther medication , so I opted for the latter.

I found my salvation in a, then, littl known volu e ntary organ is ation, Towe Hamlets Afr r ican & Cari bbean Menta Health l Organisation (THACMHO). Their Deve lopment W orker, Harr Cumberbatch y , became m y inspiration my mentor a , nd my fathe r figure. It because of is him and THA CMHO I foun strength to ca d rry on, even in my darkes moments. W t hen I joined THACMHO in 2000 I fou nd them to be a warm embracing g roup whose a genda was simple: To support their m rebuilding th embers in eir lives aft er periods mental ill h of ealth. THA CMHO is als committed o to combatin g the stigm surrounding a mental illn ess. THACMHO I With found a sens e of belongin and for the g first time s ince being diagnosed I found a sen se of hope. Suddenly the re was light at the end o the tunnel. f

Sidney

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I have changed my spirituality; I used to go to Pentecos tal church. I always tell my mother, w hy have you go t a white Jesus in your liv ing room, wha t are you worshipping? I embraced Islam , but now, I am in my ow n spirituality. I have a passio n for Black hist ory. It was never taught at school, and I went to college to stud y Caribbean st udies and this led to di scovering Egyp t and the pyramids. Autherine

Family suppo rt was very im portant in me recovering. Once you’ve got your fam support, they ily motivate you , encourage you, and they are like a guar dian angel to make sure you are ge tting the rig treatment an ht d care. My family let m know that it e was not the end of life an could still m d I ake somethin g of myself. believe that m I y parents sitt ing down and speaking with me, showing interest and not just leavin g mental hea lth consultan to solve the ts problems, pla yed an activ part in my reh e abilitation. Anthony

Great Strength

As time went by I realised I like to play with words, an d I started to take my studies more serious and be gan typing lessons. I mas tered it and became a qualified copy typist. I wrote poems in my spare time and hope to get them published som e day. I got on e published a long time ago.

Steve got help fro m the Early Interv ention Team, who his own. He ov got him a flat of ercame his menta l ill-health and dealing with his feels stronger in problems. His co nfidence and way really changed, an of thinking have d he thanks me, his mother, for th of time to reflect at . He had a lot and he came to re alise that he had passion is acting a lo t to offer. His and he played th e m ain pa rt in an opera at the Opera House. Royal That was a great achievement and he felt good. About Steve

Anyone who tried to help me was stopp when they re ed ferred to the computer scre in the Jobcen en tre. It seemed like they are dehumanised and don’t real ly know what they are supp osed to do, th ey ar sure of the ru e not really les and regula tions and wh people are en at titled to. So I had to go there and show them th facts. I just had e to keep on figh ting for what I thought was right. David

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Great Strength

For me, I have been having children from a young age and they have kept me together more than anything. Lots of times I would have lost it. Also I believe that it doesn’t matter what happens, God is always there for you. And for my brother, we had a doctor in Cheltenham, a GP we’ve been seeing for years who didn’t think my brother should go to hospital unless he wanted to go. He’s a good doctor who will leave wherever he is and go to my brother if there’s a need. He thought maybe it would help if we spent a lot of time talking to him. My brother has managed to keep his job because he is quite good and when he is not well they give him the time off. Also, lately I find that when he can’t cope he goes home, he’ll go down to Jamaica. So he went home for six months and now he is back, he seems to be a little bit more level, he says that he can be calmer back home. He used to smoke weed like it’s going out of fashion. Now he doesn’t smoke anymore and I think that’s helped. He is not doing bad now. He is about 48, still in the same job, so he isn’t doing bad. Eva

Health is important to me. I don’t do any physical exercise to keep fit, but I go to the allotment, and by the time I’ve been digging and pulling, it’s enough to keep me going for a whole six months. You need your strength to keep going if you haven’t got a partner, because you have to do everything yourself, you have to depend on yourself. There is no one to say: "Okay, stay in bed I will make you a cup of tea." You have to get up and make it yourself. Kindness alone is money to me. There is no point in me going for a job that pays £30,000 and in the end, I am sad. I am getting the money, but inside I am sad. Everybody should be in the right kind of job to fit their abilities, to fit their characteristics. And you need to have faith to achieve anything that you mind. I go to church, to the Salvation Army. Julia

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My grandfather was a very tough man, a bit strict I would say, but nothing worried him and he would just get on with his day to day life. So that is why I get down and then I get up. I say to myself, "I am a Black man, I have got to stand up and fight. This isn’t going to defeat me." I have to do bigger things and better things because I know I can give a lot to people who are in similar positions to myself. Mark

Here we show how we offer our services, each in our own way, putting something back into the community to aid others who need support.

Passion and Purpose

Passion and Purpose

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Passion and Purpose

Recently I met a friend of mine, we went to school together and he was in a lot of distress. He was a close friend, there was a group of about six of us in a group at school and we kept very close. When I saw him, tears came into my eyes. I told him where he can go to get help and I gave him some positive information. He said he never knew about these things. I keep hoping that I win the lottery because my passion is to have a positive place where people in the Black community with mental health problems can go. I would say to people in distress that I see on the streets, "I have got a place here, there is room for you if you want it." Mark

What calls m e is the sati sfaction I fee from knowin l g I have help ed someone feel good . I knowing I have made positive diffe a rence, no ma tter how sma or insignific ll ant, in so meone's life Someone o . nce told m e that my weakness lie s in me alw ays trying to help even in situations w h e re I can’t. I just can’t sa y no when a sked to help . Sidney

, whether it urch activities ch in t ar p ke oing out to I ta omeless, or g h e th g in ed be fe e church’s aware of th le p o e p . I hope make e community th in ith w ce a light to presen myself will be ct u d n co I achieve the way that you can em th w o sh yourself. others, to you motivate if e lif r u yo t in things in an active par ke ta to e ons I would lik health conditi d an al ci so improving e I live. mmunity wher co e th in ith w Anthony

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The communit y is importan t to me, so lon as it is the w g ide communit y . Fo r ex ample we have St Jo hn’s estate, so if al l of us in this estate look after each othe r, fi n e. T hi how I think. s is I do volunta ry work at m y local advice centre. When I finish the tr aining I would like to get a pa id job as an ad visor and open a centre of m y own. It is making peop aware of the le services arou n d th em , people who are shy of coming fo rw ar d. T he re some places are where the atti tudes of othe people don’t al r low them to ap proach. So by me being arou nd I can help.

I want to help people like mys elf get a bette quality of life. r When you have things can loo a diagnosis k very bleak. Some people self-medicate with cannabis and other dru and then things gs just spiral out o f control. So I’m here to talk to people and say to them "Look I’m a per son who’s com e up from the same backgroun d as you…I’ve done the same things as you an d I’ve managed to turn my life around. I’m no t saying it’s goin g to be easy. It’ going to be s hard. But as long as you ar willing to do it, e you can get th ere as well and reclaim your lif e back." Also I aim to leave something behind for my family and my community. I b elieve we all have a purpose here in the wo rld. It doesn’t matter from wha t background yo u come from, it just depend s what you dec ide to do abo it which really ut matters.

I would like to rebuild our co mmunity to become th e best, so if there is anything I can do to tackle an d reduce black mental ill health I am pr epared to do it. I feel we need a voice of our own. No one is liste ning to us, so w e need to go to the top of the NHS an d other mental health se rvices. I want to reduce the stereotypi ng of Black people in mental health and educate professional in the how to deal with the diversity of ou r culture. After so much negativity, I am tr ying to enga positivity. ge in

Passion and Purpose

The po litics I believe in is to treat th disadvantaged e fair. They sa y we have freedom, but show us that w e ha ve it . Have resources for us so that w e ca n sa y "Yes, even though w e are disadvan ta g ed th er e are resources arou nd that we ca n u se ." T hi my s is po litics, to look af ter under-privileg the ed people.

Autherine

Peter

Julia

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Passion and Purpose

was really to college he ed rn tu re e ev St s. When ould give excuse his illness and w t ou ab ed ss rra emba help others. He it and hoping to ith w ok is he Now le like help other peop to gy lo ho yc ps is going into to realise opened his eyes, y all re s ha it ys sa himself. He is way but le are suffering th op pe k ac Bl y an that so m don’t get the about it and they h uc m ar he t no you do ey need. quality of help th About Steve

My relationship with my son is important to me because I never had that relationship with my dad and I think if I did I would probably have had more focus as a teenager. I think those are the years that are important, when you are young, even when you are 9 and 10. I think it’s important that you don’t lose that father figure, you need to keep that focus. So that is why I like to make sure I’m around for my son because it’s key to how he is gonna be when he grows up. David

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I want to be ab le to help, not the youth beca I don’t think th use e youth need he lping, they need re-educating. Who needs he lping is our ol generation, be der cause what ha ppens is that on a Black woman ce reaches 40, 45 she gets in her shell, she goes to work, stay home if she ge sick, and she ju ts st stays. I wou ld like to be ab to visit women le , men in their ho mes and explai to them that "W n hen you are a Black person it doesn’t mean when you are sick you have keep it to your to self, or when th ere is a proble you have to ke m ep it to yourse lf. Now go ou there and get t help. There is help there." would like to I be a communit y worker, that why I did com is munity training , but it is so ha to get into it. rd Eva

Here we reflect on our heritage, our culture and our roots. We embrace the knowledge of self.

Distant Worlds

Distant Worlds

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Distant Worlds

e maica made m ming from Ja co f, ed el ed ys ne m I For on and as a Black pers realise that I w e of who you aw akes you ar m It . ng ro st what you to be ming from and co e ar u yo re other is are, whe although my m am I ho w is s hi bados and want. T er is from Bar th fa r he – ce mixed ra om Germany. her mother is fr African, I am maica but I am Ja om fr e m co I a is where we belief that Afric y m is It . an ic Afr e end up. So ill be where w w d an om fr e cam an culture is with the Afric do to ng hi everyt y children. what I teach m Eva African Carib bean? I thin k the African have got diffe s rent issues to people from th Caribbean. e I feel the Car ibbean people born in this co untry haven’t go t no culture. Although cult ure is import ant in order look back and to base yourself on something, it’s as though the Caribbea n culture has been diluted. My roots are h ere but I don’t feel I belong to this country. Other people , white people some Black p , eople, born in this country, they feel roote d to it but I do n’t. I don’t fe like I’m accep el ted. David

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Images from Hot Hippo by Mwenye Hadithi and Adrienne Kennaway

brought to d then I was an an ic fr A am ifferent from First, I ean. We are d b ib ar C e th in to say I am slavery a. So I prefer ic fr A in rn o b bean has people ause the Carib ec b n ea b ib ar French African C lture. I speak cu ur o n o ct erent a big effe eople from diff p n te e ar e er ill Creole. If th streets, they w ibbean on the ar C t e en th er f o iff d ts k ar p spea t accents, they en er h iff uc d m ve so ha all full of e Caribbean is languages. Th Africa is the , st comes fir a ic fr A . re n comes cultu the Caribbea en th , nd la mother ean for me. African Caribb second, so it’s in Africa n over here and o g in go is t ha African Seeing w to take my e m d ce en to be has influ seriously and re o m re ltu cu Caribbean positive. Mark

make it big. Julia

is getting a re all his life but Steve has lived he he sees no with England as bit uncomfortable te to e hopes to emigra H . re he re tu fu e positiv . America or Ghana

Distant Worlds

" you know, a Black woman ’m "I y sa st bel I ju not going to la am I . it is at Black and th n’t go else. I would g in th y an myself to ’t feel cia now, I don u L t. S in ve back to li day. I there for a holi en be ve ha I . part of it n’t like it but they did en dr il ch y took m quitoes. bitten by mos e er w ey th se becau g different ced by meetin en u fl in en be s, I’ve pes, culture ople, all ty pe of ds in em, k d talking to th an , n io g li re d, backgroun . I’ve ng their food ti ea , em th h being wit y one. My each and ever om fr e lu va gained mpared to tiny thing co a st ju is culture I’ve done is, people. What r he ot h it w g mixin others and and add it to re u lt cu y m e tak

been a About Steve imbabwe has Z ve ti a n y m m a I , h ic Leaving h experience w my life changing major role in a d e y la p , as a convinced oming here w C . n w o d k a mental bre many things because so ck o h s re u lt cu what I w as ferently from if d e n o d re me almost we ing that hit th e h T . to families used as the way w y a w a t h was too straig d, everybody e it n u s s le d Where I seeme for family. e m ti ve a h a vitally busy to mily was fa , m o fr d this came your life an f o rt a p t ell as importan family as w d e d n e xt e ld included n belief I ho . One Africa ily it m t a fa th e s s e o cl tress one which s e th le g is in y s rl a a de raise le village to a problem takes a who h I Africa if ave in n e h W . ively we child ily and collect m fa y m to it metimes I take country it so is th In . it e man for resolv dset is each in m e th e feels lik ll. God for us a himself and Sidney

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Distant Worlds

I describe m yself as Afric an Caribbea and Black Bri n tish as I hav e descendan from and livin ts g in Jamaica and the UK. Having family in Jamaica has given me an insight into my family’s culture and heritage. I can see ho w they have developed in Jamaica over m any years. I believe it is important to know your heritage and culture as it gives you a better unde rstanding of your family’s journey throu gh life and at what point th are at now. ey

I love my cult ure, I love be ing Black. I’v always been e proud to be Black. Even though it’s ha rd for me, I’m still proud of colour. I love my who I am and where I’m from I love the p . eople, the a tmosphere, th whole culture e of Jamaica a nd the West Indies. The o nly thing that is a worry is th poverty, there e is poverty eve rywhere. Me being British and an Eng lish speaking person, I woul d find it diffic ul t to live out there. It doe sn’t change th e fa ct that it’s a beautiful coun try and has in sp ired many people to do great things a nd I’m proud it. of

Anthony

ld like to maica, and wou Ja of d ou pr I am children but I love my y, da e on ck go ba laying me ly say this is de and will honest gh I have home. Althou from returning (I am now ligion and name changed my re still have eenah), Jamaica known as Zhenr xurious me. It is the lu a strong hold on nshine , fresh food, su d an ry ne ee gr people d spirit of the an s he ac be ly love Sharpe vey, Nanny, Sam ar G s cu ar M the like That makes it e. gl oo B ul Pa ng it and home. I am sayi ll ca I nd la is se paradi d proud! aloud – Black an Autherine

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Peter

We need to replace negative thoughts with positive ones, to restore our community to a more loving and trustful place. We are coming out of the struggle together, wiser and stronger. We are on our journey to reclaim our birthright and rely on each other.

Restoring Community

Restoring Community

We are becoming a strong fist.

Rangers bring soccer joy to Lower Clapton Photographer: Matilda Dobson

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Restoring Community

African Caribbean people are really wealthy, not in money, but we have got so much to offer. We say "I’m gonna move this" and it will move. But we need to come together. You will hear a person say: "I am trying to do this for the youth," but how can you do it for the youth without involving the parents? And how can you do it without involving the grandparents, because that’s the root. If you can’t touch the root you can’t touch the youth. Because I have children, a lot of times I have my kids, their friends, their friends’ friends, everybody at my house, especially summer. Christmas and birthdays. That’s when everybody comes and there is always somebody new. A lot of the youth, they are just doing nothing. I talk to them a lot. Black youth are like nomads because they don’t know who they are. And even though we are growing them and saying "You are this," they are saying "Well I am British", but they know they can never be British, so they need to know who they are. Black youth need to be able express themselves. It is down to us Black women, because we grow our sons: We say "Oh you are a boy, you have to be strong, you can’t cry." But our girls cry, scream, shout, kick. Boys must be allowed to cry, scream and shout if they want to. Eva

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an and African ter with Afric et b n g in tt ge s It’ gether. Whe ple uniting to eo p em n th ea e b ib se Car rk you tions in the Pa there are func down Hackney ng ki I am wal n he W g. in is adlocks they social se I’ve got dre au ec b n, o st al ill come and D unite. Better w ill w ey Th . !" say "Yoh one day. Mark

David

Restoring Community

I find it hard to pinpoint many strengths with the Caribbean community b ut one strengt that stands ou h t is their resilien ce, because o the negative f things that they’ve been through and what happen s to them everyday, co nsistently ta king a lot knocks. of

I think, desp ite all the prejudice and everything tha t has gone on and still goes on, the Africa n Caribbean co mmunity is st open-minded, ill we are still w illing to make friends with o ther people, o ther cultures a be accepting nd of other cultur es. We get on with everyone despite the hi story, so that our strength. is I’m not saying we will forget, because I do n’t think that is possible, b we are willing ut to forgive. W e demonstrate that is true by being civi lised, giving mingling and , getting involv ed with othe communities. r We still rem ain positive despite all of the adversity and disparity. Peter

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Restoring Community

I am very concerned about poverty and our Black people. In my eyes it seems Black people are struggling to get somewhere in life. Crime, gun, knives, drugs, fast food is all around our communities. Why? The unemployment situation that we face is far from accidental. If a person is not active in doing something for themselves, he or she stagnate, and eventually destroy the mind. Hence Black on Black violence. Our children need to become more academic, enabling them to become doctors, barristers, teachers and other Black professionals, so they are role models for the next generation. Mental health in the Black community is a no, no. It is very hard for me to come to terms with my son’s problems. It is very hard to meet an old time friend and explain to them that my son is suffering from mental health. It seems like a failure. I worked as a mental health project worker, and this has helped me a bit to deal with this issue. Autherine

ess within of togethern ck la a is There community. nd African a k c la B munities the ets of com k c o p t o g e Black You’ve ities in th n u m m o c t their within London. Bu t s a E f o y it all the commun ce, they take n ra u d n e is carry strength ced with and fa re a y e th rant difficulties They are tole . n ca y e th on as best e within the d learn to liv n a t p a d a d an elves. t we find ours a th y it n u m com Sidney A lot of Afric an Caribbean people share the value of g oing to churc h and having strong religio a us and social togetherness and I believe that upbringin g has helped me to survive. The family is an important aspect in my life. My paren ts instilled in me the value of a family clo seness. A lot of young people are dyi ng because o the gun cultu f re and violen ce within the communities. I have seen a lot of Black people within mental health institutions in Hackney and walking the streets, very young Black peo caring for them ple and hardly anyone . Anthony

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After long journeys, up and down, we talk about where we are now.

The Story-teller Now

The Story-teller Now

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The Story-teller Now

For much of the last year I have been self employed, working for Mellow as Project Co-ordinator for 4Sight, a service user led group for African and Caribbean men. I found the work assisting the men with regaining control over their lives rewarding and satisfying. Now I am working for the Positive Mental Attitude (PMA) League, another initiative within the East London NHS Foundation Trust which was set up for people with mental health problems to help bridge the gap between the in-patient setting and life in the community. I am the manager of Hackney Football Club which plays in the League, and my twin brother is the captain. Having experienced mental illness, I now look at life differently in terms of the way I live. I always try and be positive in the face of adversity; always try to maintain a never say die mentality. After going through a very dark period, I have had the good fortune to tell the tale and to be able to help professionals and others in a similar position to myself. I will endeavour to inspire others and myself to continue to move forward in the right direction with the

hope of a better quality of life, regardless of our condition. I have been fortunate to be on both sides, being a service user and a carer, and it is important that both parties get the support they need in times of mental distress. We should now look seriously at the opportunities that recovery can bring, instead of focusing on risk, because in the long term, if we don’t pay attention to this, we will have more and more service users remaining and needing long term care and not benefiting from leading a normal life. Living with a mental illness doesn’t mean the end, but the beginning of an adventure in which we are in control of our destiny. Once we realise, persevere and believe, we can succeed and achieve our goals. Peter

Times have been hard. My drinking problems have returned. The relationship with my wife is unhappy. I have been in Brixton Prison. Here I saw that most of the people were African or African Caribbean. I found white supremacy in the police, in the courts and in the prison, just as I found it in the mental health system. By ‘white supremacy’ I do not mean to criticise individual white people. In East London, Black and white people mix a lot and that is great. I have white friends. But there is institutional racism in our systems, and it is underground. We need to come together, to shout about it and to demonstrate against it like we did in the 70’s and this is what I hope to organise. I am getting more help now with my personal problems. "Better must come". My passion is to make a change and make people listen. Mark

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The Story-teller Now

After many years of volunteering with THACMHO and other mental health organisations, which seemed to spring up over the years, I am finally seeing my hopes turn to reality. In 2002, I was elected Chairperson of THACMHO and held the position for five years. I stepped down in 2007 so I could apply for the organisation’s Development Worker post which had become vacant when my mentor and father-figure, Harry Cumberbatch retired. I was thrilled when I was appointed to the position but inside I was terrified that I had huge boots to fill and many times almost turned down the offer feeling I was not up to the challenge. But after a few months in post, my confidence is growing by the day and I am thoroughly enjoying my work. THACMHO is an organisation with a lot of potential and has already done a lot of good work in the community in Tower Hamlets. Even though I have been mentally well for over two years now I know that my mental illness will not go away or be 'cured'. But I also know that it is possible to live with the illness and have a meaningful life.

ek, where hologist once a we Steve sees a psyc sitive m and have po ea st f of t le n he ca th his m to move on wi hi g lin ab en , ts though his sisters of support from t lo a ts ge e H life. e feels let rong bonds. H st ve ha ey th d an e lack of his er, and thinks th down by his fath me of his ntributed to so support has co understands a man now he problems. As d when he d as a child, an more than he di more ther, he will be fa a be to comes his sons. attentive towards About Steve

I suffered from depression d uring 1991 to 1999 and hav e been well ev er since. After my episodes of mental ill-h ealth, I studie two managem d ent courses an d passed the exams. I th en decided to become Mental Health a Guide in 200 6 after a six month trainin g period whic h I passed. am currentl I y a Mental Hea providing info rmation to peo lth Guide ple who have mental healt h issues on the services provided with in the comm unity. Often they do no t know wha t services a available to th re em. Anthony

Sidney

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The Story-teller Now

This is my recent photo of me as a mature mother of five and three grandchildren after living in England for about forty five years. My children and I are very close, we do things together, and we meet up once a week and chat, play games, eat, dance, sing. I hope to visit my father soon. He is still in Jamaica and my children want to get to know him. Although I had not bonded with my mother as a child, because she emigrated when I was six, thank God we bonded at a later stage. My children see me as the corner stone of the extended family. I have come on a long journey, it’s had it’s up and down. I would say that I am happy, loved, healthy and wealthy. And I give thanks to the Creator that he has carried me this far. Right now I am choosing what I need to do. I am in the process of finishing a degree in psychotherapy to aid my people, especially the youth. I am looking to publish my poems and children’s books. I make cards to sell for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. I have also taken up dancing and I perform at various functions. I got an awakening and my spirituality call me home. My conscious self came alive and this is helping me to deal with everyday life in a more positive way. I feel I am at peace with myself. I have found tranquillity and calm. I have found the I AM. Autherine

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There were people I met here that had been through the mental health system. I didn’t even realise until someone told me, one day when we were sitting there, and I’m thinking "Do you know, that if I were sent to see you, I would have had a fear before I knew you." But the good thing is now I know them as people, before I realised what’s happened to them, the fear has gone, the fear factor has gone. So I am looking at the person not the illness. Eva

I am currently studying fine art at university. I am enjoying it a lot. For the first time in a long time I feel as though there is a positive vision for my future and hopefully I never have to visit the Jobcentre again. David

I am working with adult students with learning difficulties and I feel satisfied doing that. It makes me feel I am doing a job where people are benefiting. Julia

We have unanswered questions and comments for you, the reader, to reflect upon.

Final thoughts

Final thoughts

41

Final thoughts

Final thoughts

I don’t know how long I can go without having a manic episode or without getting severely depressed. What I do know is that my battle with my illness is an every day affair. Every day I stay well is another battle won in my war against my mental illness.

What I have learnt over the years is that having a mental illness is not the end but merely the beginning of a journey with lots of twists and turns with plenty of ups and downs. We have to learn how best we can cope and hope that the support we require will be there. We must find out what is best for us and to look forward not backwards. Most important of all is to never say die, never give up that fight and to help others along the way.

I don’t know when my anger will rear it’s ugly head again, but I do know that after so many battles with this monster I know how to fight it when it does. 42

I believe all people should learn about each others culture and get an understanding of their way of life. This would lift the barrier of self doubt, enabling us to live in peace, love, trust and harmony.

I think that, even if it is a little community with only a few Black people, there should be some kind of input to say "Well, it doesn’t matter if you are Black, you can achieve this and do that".

One thought which sustained me through my many dark days was this: Falling is not failure, failing to get up is. For me this meant, no matter what, never give up.

The Eurocentric way of dealing with Black people does not help, because of their different world-view. Why don’t you talk so that I can understand you?

My journey to recovery after having depression was not an easy one, because I felt the medical professionals misunderstood Black people with mental health issues. They would just medicate, stereotype and not have any one to one talk with you about the mental health problems you were experiencing or the treatment they give you. When will this change?

Sometime I wonder, what life would I have lived if I did not came to England? Better or worse than this life?

Thank you very much for reading our stories. I hope you’ve enjoyed them and I hope they help to enlighten you with a greater understanding of African and Caribbean people, how we see the world and how we experience

different journeys within the same community. I also hope you and others can identify with some of the stories and use them as a positive voice in the community.

Close

Close

We would like to take this opportunity to wish you bountiful Blessings, with Peace, Love and Happiness. Autherine 43

First Day At School

First Day At School

First Day At School Inna England Autherine Atkinson (1991)

I went to school for the first time inna England. Everybody accent was different From my one The teacher put me inna dis room What is she up to I hope she’s not giving me a broom A story I was told to write A test mi she a test me To see if mi bright I proved her wrong By writing ten pages long 44

I was escorted to my class And was shocked to see So many white faces Looking at me I made friends with some Black girls Especially one named Pearl It took me a little while to adjust Learning at that school Was a must I tried my best to understand the teachers They couldn’t be bothered And so badly they treated us

We were discriminated against So we rebel and got fierce We refuse standing against The wall And gain some respect from Pupils, teachers and all Parent evening was a disaster The teachers complain My aunt say ‘Punish her some more sir’ I left with a few CSE’s I hope that would see me through inna England society.

Educational Resource Sheets: For information about the educational resource sheets based on extracts from this book, please contact the Mental Health Guide Project Co-ordinator (contact details below).

Mellow is a pioneering East London-based NHS programme committed to improving the experience of African and Caribbean people with mental health problems and promoting their well-being within the community. East London & City Mental Health Trust, East One, 4th Floor, 22 Commercial St, London E1 6LP Tel: 020 7655 4170 Email: [email protected]

Social Action for Health (SAfH) is a community development charity focusing on health inequalities, working in East London promoting self determination, self management and community-led solutions. Brady Centre, 192 Hanbury Street, London E1 5HU (Hackney office) 62 Beechwood Road, London E8 3DY

Tel: 020 7247 1414 Tel: 020 7275 2730

www.safh.org.uk

Mental Health Guide Programme is delivered by SAfH in partnership with Mellow and Hackney Teaching Primary Care Trust, (See page 4). Mental Health Guide Project Co-ordinator, SAfH, 62 Beechwood Road, London E8 3DY Tel: 020 7275 2730 Email: [email protected]

Tower Hamlets African and Caribbean Mental Health Organisation (THACMHO) is a voluntary organisation that is lead and run by Users and ex-Users of mental health services to achieve a more comprehensive state of health that recognises the mind body and spirit as one in relation to all round well-being. THACMHO c/o SAfH, Brady Centre, 192 Hanbury Street, London E1 5HU - Tel: 020 7426 5389 - www.thacmho.org.uk