Lies Young Women Believe Preview

A note to parents and youth leaders In the months of focus groups and conversations leading up to the writing of this book, we have grown to love this generation of girls even more deeply. We’ve also become increasingly aware of the depth of the deception and darkness that they face. In order to shine the light into the darkness, we felt it was necessary to be direct and specific about a variety of sensitive topics, including sexual issues, eating disorders, and occult activity. We’ve tried to be discreet, without mincing words or sidestepping issues we know many young women are facing. If you have any concerns about how these subjects may be handled, please read the book prior to sharing it with your daughters or the girls in your youth groups. You may also want to offer to walk through this book with them. Nancy & Dannah

table of contents ACKNOWLEDGMENTS • Thanks! / 8 INTRODUCTION • Blazing Lies / 11

PART 1: THE LANDSCAPE OF LIES CHAPTER 1 • The Deceiver Where do lies come from? ................................................................................................19 CHAPTER 2 • The Deceived Where do lies get the power to destroy our lives? .............................................................. 27 CHAPTER 3 • The Truth How can I pursue Truth? ................................................................................................35

PART 2 • LIES YOUNG WOMEN BELIEVE CHAPTER 4 • Lies about God ..............................................................43

(1) (2) (3) (4)

“God is not enough.” ...................................................................................44 “God is not really involved in my life.” ........................................................46 “God should fix my problems.”....................................................................48 “God is just like my father.” ......................................................................... 51

CHAPTER 5 • Lies about Satan .........................................................59

(5) (6)

“Everything bad that happens is spiritual warfare.”..................................... 61 “I’ve never been exposed to satanic activities.” ............................................63

CHAPTER 6 • Lies about Myself...................................................... 71

(7) (8)

“Beautiful girls are worth more.” ................................................................72 “I have to perform to be loved and accepted.” ............................................. 77

CHAPTER 7 • Lies about Guys ............................................................85

(9) “I need a boyfriend.” ....................................................................................85 (10) “It’s OK to go out with a non-Christian.” ...................................................88 (11) “It’s not really sex.”....................................................................................... 91 (12) “I can’t handle the loneliness of staying pure.” ........................................... 94 CHAPTER 8 • Lies about Relationships .............................. 103

(13) “It’s OK to be one person at home and a different person

with others . . . especially online.”............................................................. 103

(14) “If I just had friends, I wouldn’t be so lonely.”.......................................... 107 (15) “I’m my own authority.”............................................................................. 110

CHAPTER 9 • Lies about My Faith ............................................... 119

(16) “My youth pastor is my connection to God.”........................................... 120 (17) “Everyone at church is judging me.”......................................................... 122 (18) “Of course I’m a Christian, I . . .” ............................................................ 126 CHAPTER 10 • Lies about Sin ............................................................ 135

(19) “I can’t overcome my sin.” ........................................................................135 (20) “In certain situations it’s OK to break the law or rules if I’m not hurting myself or others.” ........................................................................139

(21) “I can’t control myself when I’m ‘PMS-ing.’” ............................................141 CHAPTER 11 • Lies about Media..................................................... 149

(22) “The benefits of constant media use outweigh the harm.”...................... 150 (23) “It’s not a waste of time . . . even if it is, it’s OK.” ................................... 153 CHAPTER 12 • Lies about the Future.......................................161

(24) “Having a career outside the home is more valuable

and fulfilling than being ‘just’ a wife and mom.” .....................................161

(25) “What I do now doesn’t affect the future.” .............................................. 165 PART 3 • OVERCOMING LIES CHAPTER 13 • How to Stop Fueling the Lies Stop listening to and dwelling on them .......................................................................... 171 CHAPTER 14 • How to Find Freedom from the Lies Replace lies with the Truth ...........................................................................................179 CHAPTER 15: The Truth That Sets Us Free Powerful Truths to counter everyday lies ....................................................................... 187

A Final Word From Our Hearts To Yours ................................ 197 Truths That Set You Free ......................................................................................203 Special Pull-Out Section

Thanks! Behind every book is a story of how it came to be. In that story are characters who bring the story to life. We would like to thank those characters in (for the most part) the order they appeared. (Just like the credits that roll at the end of a movie!) Thank you . . . Greg Thornton & the Moody Publishers Team—Greg has worked with both of us for nearly a decade. We have enormous respect for his wise, godly leadership in our publishing as well as our personal lives. He had the vision for this book and to bring us together. (We’re so glad he did!) Jennifer Lyell was an invaluable part of the Moody team who did anything from managing contracts to buying plane tickets to flying in at critical moments when we needed her face-to-face encouragement. She even compiled the first draft of chapter 15, The Truth That Sets Us Free! Now that’s a full-service editor! Bob Lepine—You may recognize him as the voice of FamilyLife Today along with Dennis Rainey. As a mutual friend (and member of Nancy’s board), Bob was also instrumental in bringing us together by observing that we were “on the same page.” We wanted to be sure what we were saying was biblically and theologically solid. He offered to review the book and gave us wise, helpful input. Thanks, Bob, for walking the added miles. Robert Wolgemuth & Associates—Men like Robert make the world of publishing happen by acting as agents—not only to represent authors but to represent Christ. Thanks, Robert! Mike Neises & the Revive Our Hearts Staff—Mike blesses Nancy by managing the business details of her publishing world, together with Robert. He invested a great deal of time into the Moody Publishers/Revive Our Hearts/Pure Freedom partnership for this project. Thanks, Mike! Now the story steps away from the business world of Christian publishing into the world you live in—real world America 101! We needed to know where you’re struggling with lies, so, special thanks to . . . Erin Davis—Erin stepped in next as our beloved nationwide discussion group leader. She met with hundreds of girls and surveyed even more to help us really get into your heads. From Little Rock to Santa Barbara and Chicago to Atlanta, girls across this nation fell in love with our Milk Duds-loving Erin. (We love her too!)

Our Discussion Group Coordinators & Participants—The women who coordinated our discussion groups make delicious snacks that have some secret ingredient that makes girl gab come to life! Thanks to you! And thanks to all the young women who showed up to one of these groups to bare their souls and speak to the reality of where they were living. Kelly Witte & Dawn Wilson—These awesome women were book geeks right along with us as we delved into research to verify everything we found in your hearts. Thanks so much, Kelly and Dawn. (Kelly, you look adorable in reading glasses!) Friends Who Read the Long Manuscript—At nearly 55,000 words, this is the longest book any teen should ever read. Imagine reading it without all these cool graphics (provided by Julia Ryan). Women and young women like Paula Hendricks, Kim Wagner, Alyssa Spang, and more were brave enough to take the plunge and offer advice along the way. Friends Who Prayed Us through Each Stage of the Process—They held up our hands through the long days and late nights. The Lord heard their prayers and kept refilling us with strength and joy in the journey. The lives that will be affected through this book are the fruit of their love and their faithful labors in prayer. Bob, Robby, Lexi, & Autumn Gresh—Bob acted as Dannah’s agent as well as the lover of her heart to help her stay confident and focused during this work when, at times, the Enemy sought to make her believe lies she thought she’d long ago overcome. The Gresh “kididdles,” who are now teens, offered lots of advice and even endured the barrage of questions Mom asked as she tried to clarify things about the young women they are or interact with. (Robby, you’re going to be a patient and wise husband for some fantastic young woman one day.) Thanks for sacrificing with us. Jesus—Thank You for knitting our hearts together and for being the Truth that truly has set us free. We love You. Nancy & Dannah