Lesson 5 Notes

God's Design for Your Family Lesson 5: The Excellent Wife Homework ● ●

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Read Proverbs 31. Study the attached Homework page. Place a check mark next to the items that you are prone to fall into. Pray regarding each one. On a sheet of paper, write down your plan to put-off the sin and put-on righteousness. Refer to the Put-Off/Put-On sheets handed out in Lesson 4. Implement your plan.

I. Introduction A. Review: The Doctrine of the Trinity and its implications for marriage. 1. The relationships existent within the Trinity are models for our own roles in marriage, family, church, and in general 2. The Image of God is to be modeled in our relationships B. The Exemplary Husband: 1. Primary Role Model is Jesus Christ 2. Loves his wife as Christ loves the church 3. Daily humbles himself and lives self-sacrificially 4. Is the Sanctifying agent of the home 5. Is a caring shepherd 6. Lives in submission to God the Father 7. Forgives, asks forgiveness, and repents of his own sin 8. Glorifies God C. The Holy Spirit: The Excellent Wife's primary role model. It is our goal today to study the role of the wife in light of the Trinity, Scripture, and in particular, the Holy Spirit.

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II. Completing the Husband:

Hebrew: 'ezer, Often used of _____ himself. Connotes “___________________ ____________________.” A. The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion for him who corresponds to him.” (Genesis 2:18, NETB) Hebrew: kÿnegdo: “according to the ________________ of him.”

B. The wife is specially _____________ and _______________ to complete the husband. C. Adam was not so much alone in the sense of _________________. (He had perfect communion with God) He was alone in the sense of being ______________________, and incapable of fulfilling the ______________ of creation. Until Eve was created, God had not completed his intention in Genesis 1:26,27—to make mankind in His image, including the Trinitarian reality of ___________________. We are born ______________, so we experience this incompleteness ourselves. D. The Strength of Submission 1 Timothy 2:11-14 1. Submission has its basis in the order of __________________. 2. The sin nature tends to ___________________ over the authority of the husband and _________ himself. (Gen 3:16) 3. Paul's warning against reversing the roles is based on the reversal which occurred in Eden. 4. Notice that a __________________ is tempted to compromise truth in favor of ________________. (Gen 3:12---Adam was not deceived, Eve was) Page 2 of 9

5. Therefore, a _____________________ wife preserves the __________________ and ______________ of husband and wife. III. Emulating the Holy Spirit A. Counselor (Proverbs 31:26) 1. The husband relies on the wife for her wise ________________. 2. The wife therefore needs to be well informed __________________________. 3. She also should be well informed about the husband's _________________, _________________________, ____________________, etc. 4. How to change your __________________. (The following is from The Excellent Wife, by Martha Peace, pg. 42-44) a) Choose the right ____________. (Eccl. 3:1, 7) b) Choose the right _______________. (Prov 15:28) c) Comfort him as you _______________ him. (Rev. 2:2-3) d) Be specific regarding his _________ and offer a ______________ solution. e) Communicate a spirit of _______________________ ___________. (Rom 5:8) f) Respectfully. (Eph 5:33b) • • • •

The chief need of the husband is his wife's respect. Counsel and reprove respectfully Demonstrate respect for the children, just as the husband is to demonstrate honor for the children. Respect him when he isn't respectable • by being grateful in all things • by thinking more of his needs than of your desires • as a means of witnessing to him and convicting him (1 Peter 3:1-2)

B. Interceding 1. The wife has a particular way of ____________________ that especially blesses the family. Page 3 of 9

2. Pray for: • • • • • • • • • •

Spiritual growth in all members of the family Spiritual strength and moral character for your husband Material needs and physical health Wisdom, direction, and counsel The salvation of your family That the family would be ministering as God directs __________________________________________ __________________________________________ __________________________________________ __________________________________________

C. Providing a peaceful home (Proverbs 31) 1. The excellent wife is a woman of __________ character. (31:10) 2. The excellent wife __________ her family. Her husband has full _______________ in her. (31:11-12) 3. The excellent wife is a ____________ business-lady. (31:13-18, 24) 4. The excellent wife prepares for the future and possible circumstances (31:19-22) 5. The husband is ___________________ because of his excellent wife (31:23) 6. She is _________________ and __________________. (31:28-31) 7. A few points to be considered by us normal people: a) These verses (vs. 10-31) are an alliterated poem. Each line begins with a consecutive letter of the alphabet. Think of the noble wife passage as a poetic tribute to wives and mothers. Don't take the passage as a command to wives, but as a description of the ideal. b) Verse 10 opens the passage with a rhetorical question. The noble wife is rare. c) The passage is an encouragement to the man-seeking-a-wife to set his standards high and seek a Godly woman (31:3) d) Notice that much of the qualities attributed to the noble wife is described throughout Proverbs, usually addressing the authors' son. e) It is an honor to use your gifts to the glory of your husband. It is the husband's responsibility, as the agent of redemption in the home, to aid and guide the development of these gifts in his wife. But she deserves to be honored by her husband and family publicly (31:31) f) It is the Glory of God that is the ultimate result.

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8. The home is: _______ __________ _________________ _________ _____ _________. (Titus 2:3-5) D. Empowering your Husband (and family) for Service 1. The wife is a ______________. She vastly improves and enables the husband to be what God made him. 2. How?! a) _____________ your husband. b) _____________ his spiritual gifts. c) _____________ him in the right direction. d) _____ ______________ but persistent e) Know Your Bible!!! 3. Sexual Intimacy a) Generally speaking, the husband experiences intimacy ______________. The wife experiences intimacy _________________. b) To the husband, the _________________ realm is unique. c) Much of the husband's ___________________ is directly related to sexual intimacy. d) A husband is strongly tempted to ___________________ or even _______________ the marriage if sexual intimacy is neglected. e) In short, sexual intimacy _________________, __________________, and __________________ your husband. He thrives on the energy resulting from being completely intimate with his wife. (Proverbs 5:18-19)

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Of Proverbs 5:18-19, Martha Peace writes: The word “satisfy” means to be “satiated.” In other words, the husband is so satisfied with her love that no one else would even get a second glance from him. It would be like eating and eating and eating until you were stuffed. If someone then offered you your favorite dessert, you would not even be tempted. Likewise, the husband is to be “satiated” with his wife's love. (Martha Peace, The Excellent Wife, pg. 121....putting this paragraph in here was Angela's idea.) Bible Nerd Moment: The word “breasts” in this verse is used as a figure of speech called Metonymy. It uses an aspect of physical intimacy in place of the concept of physical intimacy. The text would be less effective if it read “may your moments of intimate intercourse satisfy you at all times.” The author uses the word breasts to make the concept more memorable. It is important for wives who may have physical deformities or who feel like they aren't “sexy, hot, etc.” to understand that a husband can be fully satisfied with his wife regardless of physical appearance or condition. On the other hand, the word can also be taken literally in its context. In this way, it is a reminder that God gave him her breasts, therefore ogling other bodies is a denial of God's perfect gift for his life. (This does not remove from a wife the responsibility to be healthy and physically fit—to the best of her ability.) Finally, it reminds us of Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 7:4, that our bodies belong to our spouses. E. The Attitude of the Noble Wife The Noble and Excellent Wife lives a joyful life as she seeks to fulfill God's design for her and the use her gifts and talents in whatever situation she and her family encounter. Her primary relationship is with God. Therefore, regardless of circumstance, she is conscious of the blessings and joys of being God's daughter. The joy-less wife creates a joy-less family. 1. The Noble Wife is not lazy nor perfectionistic: Procrastinating, excusing slothful, or faking weakness and illness. Nothing is accomplished.

An idol of perfection. “If it can't be perfect, it shouldn't be done at all.” Wife tries to do everything herself because “no one knows how to do it the right way.” Nothing is accomplished.

2. Instead she is ______ __________________ and ___________________.

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3. She is daily ____________________ and __________________. a) She daily points out God's blessings to her family. “Did you notice what God did for us today.....” b) Confident that God is ____________________. 4. She is ______________ and ________________, rather than harsh and legalistic. a) Harsh legalism represents Christ in a repulsive manner. The legalistic wife and mother will encourage her family away from Christ. 5. Loving a) by ___________, not by _______________. b) __________________, not _____________________. (Ro 12:10) c) __________________, not _____________________. Abandon the “meet my needs” philosophies. d) ___________________, rather than ___________________. Take responsibility for your actions and sins, leaving the responsibility for others' actions and sins to them. Bitterness clears as the conscience clears. IV. You can be the Noble and Excellent Wife A. By the power of the Holy Spirit, who dwells within you. (2 Cor 3:4-6) B. Through prayer. C. With support and counsel from other wives. D. As your husband becomes more and more Exemplary. E. God has sovereignly gifted and equipped you to be the wife and mother---the image of God---in your family.

No other woman on earth can fill your shoes.

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Common False Gods for Wives         

Health Physical appearance Having a Christian marriage Being treated fairly Having a pain free life Worldly pleasures (drugs, alcohol, sex) Having children Another person (lover—man or woman, or even a best friend) Material thing(s)

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Ideals—such as pro-life campaigns, peace movements, purity campaigns for youth, etc. Ministry Money Success The approval of others Control Having your “needs” met.

How do I know if I have an idol? Idols are things that you worship instead of God, or desire more than God. As long as you are getting or doing what you want, you feel okay. But as soon as you are no longer receiving what you desire, you become frustrated, desperate, and anxious. You will become more and more willing to do whatever it takes—even sin—in order to restore your idol. God will purposely frustrate your idolatrous desires in order to cause this desperation and anxiety. The design of this frustration is to point you back to the One True God. Once you have your heart right with God, then many of the idols (such as a Christian marriage, others' approval, etc.) may be given to you. (Adapted from The Excellent Wife, by Martha Peace, pg. 60-61)

False Saviors and Refuges for Wives things you escape to rather than turning to Jesus. 

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An unbiblical view of God—such as an allaccepting grandfather type or a granter of all desires. Sex (immorality, pornography, masturbation) Sleep Work Ministry, church, volunteer activities Television Reading

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(Adapted from The Excellent Wife, by Martha Peace, pg. 63)

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Food Withdrawing, running away Other people who are willing to comfort Shopping Sports Exercise Recreation Internet, games, chat rooms Hobbies Drugs or Alcohol

Common Signs of Bitterness 

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Gossip and Slander: A complaining wife who slanders, berates, or otherwise tears down her husband to others. This defiles herself, her husband, and those who are subjected to her gossip. (Hebrews 12:15-17) Ungrateful and Complaining: A wife who is not grateful for her husband or children. She murmurs to herself and complains to others. (Phil 2:14) Judge of Motives: She is distrustful of her husband's every action. Self-Centered: The wife thinks mostly of herself. She is absorbed with self. She is concerned mostly with her own needs and nursing the hurts she has suffered from others. (Phil 2:4) Excessive Sorrows: Grief and hurt replace joy, peace, love, patience, kindness...She is overwhelmed by her own hurts and pains (John 16:6) Vengeful: The wife avoids her husband. She may leave when he is at home, pout, or ignore him. She is exacting revenge rather than forgiving. (Romans 12:17,19) Brooding: Similar to being self-centered. The wife think often about what her husband or others have done to her. She replays the situations and hurts to make them fresh again. (1 Co 13:5) Loss of Joy: Sin has crowded out her love for God, delight in the Lord, and joy. She is miserable emotionally and spiritually. (Psalm 119:47) Critical and Judgmental: She is so focused on what her husband has done wrong that she cannot see or refuses to admit her own sins. (Matthew 7:5)

(Adapted from The Excellent Wife, by Martha Peace, pg. 88-90)

May we STRONGLY recommend you read: The Excellent Wife, by Martha Peace. Published in 1999, by Focus Publishing, Inc. Bemidji, Minnesota. The Exemplary Husband, by Stuart Scott. Published in 2000, by Focus Publishing, Inc. Bemidji, Minnesota. These texts are available from The Mineral Area Biblical Counseling Center. Your purchase supports the ministry that brought you this course. Thank you in advance. Contact us at: 573-701-0418 [email protected] www.mabcc.org

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