Issue 15

And many more as they arrive on the scene, But gentlemen Hanson now operate a zero tolerance towards health and safety for everyone that comes on to the site, please tell people who are doing things unsafely or not wearing correct PPE. On the notice boards you will see that the three strike notice is out and started 6th August please don’t let it be unlucky for you. I’m sure your cooperation will be forthcoming on this issue.

A WORD FROM OUR LEADER With July the wettest on record and the week of creams over its back to normality whatever that is here at Swillington. The Health and Safety topic is at top of the list at the moment, with the working at heights seminar completed last week, which is the first of many. Keith Sawyer last week attended a meeting with myself and other managers and safety reps, to be informed of new initiatives coming, these included; • Two ticks for safety • Working safely together 1of7

Accidents are again reading no reportable year to date and Swillington Works are among the select few for this is credit to you – thanks again On the production front we are well behind mainly due to the works shutdown, and of course last weeks creams. As you can see the spill kits are placed around the works please don’t interfere with them. QUALITY / COMPLAINTS We have a budget or target of 70 pence per thousand bricks, at this moment we are at 93 pence per thousand so we need to raise our game at the moment. The new block lifter is now installed only 5 yrs behind schedule but it looks and works okay. Michael Brayford has lost his Mobile Plant Inspection books yet again, it seems his Alzheimer’s continues to worsen, he lost them this time last year. QUARRY The next dig is imminent and will commence Sept 07, on the planning for the new factory we have all the information required and this will go to Leeds County Council in August so hopefully by December 07 we should have permission granted. On a lighter heavier note Mr Todd is looking for witnesses to aid his claim against the chip shop for using saturated chip fat instead of the unsaturated variety due to the front suspension spring (reinforced) breaking due to fatigue of his faithful car he affectionately calls herbie. Well done to everyone on keeping going through four very trying months, thanks for the effort. Oh by the way Billy has some cracking degreaser if anyone needs any, it removes everything

STATISTICS

SALES/PRODUCTION - JULY Week Com 17/06/2007 24/06/2007 01/07/2007 08/07/2007 15/07/2007 22/07/2007

Produced 445,264 439,796 456,384 447,360 376,704 281,280

Sold 402,008 302,020 370,479 415,177 432,836 304,420

Stock 15,240,200 15,391,952 15,477,857 15,534,298 15,463,992 15,440,852

During the month of July we have taken off stock two of the four weeks highlighted above but this was more down to the low production numbers due to the struggle making creams than to the high sales. SumOfQuantity 1,611,450 1,554,936 1,841,064 1,691,391 1,799,462 1,562,274 1,426,828

Year MonthName 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January

TOP SELLING BRICKS - JULY

Total sold year to date is 11,407,485 TOP DRIVERS - JULY Pos ▲ ▲ ▼ ▼ ▲ ▲ ▼ ▲ NEW ▲ NEW NEW NEW NEW NEW

5 8 1 3 6 7 4 9

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

12

10 11 12 13 14 15

Name Harry Potter Lord Archer Shadrack Buddy Holly Stumpy Tim Terapin V73ENN / Cullen Bruce Forcyth Ken & Barbie V2RBC / Jason Rudge Keith Chicken Y991HUB / Mason Pots FN54CXZ / Dan N8DAH / Haworth

Total 102504 98508 89309 80392 80385 61136 51980 50305 37594 36660 29284 27456 25400 20792 18952

A hard fort battle throughout the month and complaints by Harry Potter that he was fighting against not just Lord Archer but also a number of his subjects have still left him has Swillington’s top driver for the month of July. He however would not let me put his picture in this edition when he recently faxed it to Manchester so I will instead put our No4 driver Buddy Holly in instead 2of7

Last mth █ 1 █ 2 █ 3 ▲ 6 ▲ 9 ▼ 4 ▲ 13 █ 8 ▼ 5 NEW ▲ 15 NEW NEW NEW NEW

pos 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15

Name 73 Class B Hanson 65 Manchester 73 City Multi 65 Golden Brown 65 Ryedale Wirecut 65 Swaledale Drag 73 Farmhouse Brwn 73 Class B Jewson 65 Cream Smooth 65 Ridings Rustic 73 Golden Brown 73 Red Mix Smth 65 Ryedale Rustic 65 Farmhouse Brwn 73 Red Sandfaced

Quantity 255,654 223,288 140,544 94,016 87,232 79,176 61,056 56,064 52,884 45,652 44,928 42,624 31,640 26,216 25,728 1,266,702

The top 3 positions remain the same but the sale of Manchester Reds has increased to within striking distance of the No1 position, the majority of these are for the Trafford centre in Manchester. The top 15 bricks accounted for 78.6% of the total bricks sold in July, these statistics do not include the 31st July which at the time of going to press were not available.

A WORD FROM DANIEL Before I am questioned…

Did I do a two minute risk assessment on how to use a pen and a piece of paper, and yes, I was wearing correct PPE. I didn’t get a paper cut. I have heard it on the grapevine that Toddy has been a bit quiet just lately so we are all thinking that maybe there could be a little piggy on the way, I wonder what the name would be. I have heard that Mr Fox is gunning to be the Godfather but I bet there will be no huff and puff. We are looking for donations for the boot fund so that Bill can have repairs done to his R1 and Sean can stop laughing. We all wonder why the two happiest names belong to the two most miserable people on the plant (Bob Jolley / Bob Smiley) but each to there own and Uncle Don is still cracking away with the old pointless sub stories. The 3 amigos are still going strong, them three are never apart, I even saw them up Kippax main street the other day (holding hands they were).

Mrs Darren Bell is now out of the country, is it just a coincidence that the plant is running a lot smoother now… I don’t think so, I think he has gone away with his misses and his son (baby bell) who he introduced us all to the other week, they both look identical… all I will say about it is … poor kid. Since the last time I wrote this column Dazzlers bike has still not been out

BREAKING NEWS 3of7

News Just In…Gary “rubber” robbo has been excluded from the 3 amigos for breaking the most important rule… He Smiled !!! Just the two of them now “Jonno & Rico”

THANKS FROM MCMILLAN Back in may we completed the three Yorkshire Peaks walk raising over £1900 below is the thankyou letter sent to Dennis Fox… Dear   Dennis,   fellow   Climbers,   walkers,  drivers   and   supporters   !!!   I  write   both  personally 

and   on  behalf   of  Macmillan  Cancer  Support   to  thank   you  most sincerely   for   your   wonderful   donation   of  £1900.00 raised as a result of your taking on  the   Yorkshire   Three   Peaks   challenge.  Please   pass   on   my   heartfelt   thanks   to:  Michael,  Ian,  Nick, David,   Ian,  Sean,  Paul,  Luke, and Rebecca ………. Not to mention  the   many   people   who   supported   you,  including   staff   and   customers   at   The  Halfway   House,   as   well   of   course   your  colleagues at Hanson’s who very generously  ‘match funded’ the bulk of your sponsorship  As   I   am   sure   you   are   aware   Macmillan  Cancer   Support   could   not   function   without  people   like   yourselves   taking   on   such  challenges and raising much needed funds.  More than a million people in the UK today  have had a cancer diagnosis, and more than  one in three people will be diagnosed with  cancer   during   their   lifetime.   Macmillan  provides   the   practical,   emotional,   financial 

and   of   course   physical   support   which   will  change   their   lives,   but   could   not   do   this  without your help  I have enclosed certificates which I hope you  will   pass   on   for   me   and   as   always  please  give  me a ring if you would like any further  help with any future projects!! We  can   all   help   we   can   all   make   a  difference,   we   are   Macmillan   Cancer  Support  Yours truly Maria Amos

MY APOLOGY LETTER… Below is a letter I sent to a campsite which I visited over 3 years ago and have since been banned from… I recently telephoned your site to ask about the availability of obtaining a pitch to put my tent during the middle of August and spoke to a very polite lady, who gave me the prices and assured me that there was plenty of space for myself, my son and my niece. She then came to the point of making a reservation and asked me for my name and address which I duly gave her. “Wait a moment” she said then put me on hold to some rather charming relaxing music. After a couple of minutes a rather assertive sounding gentleman came on the phone and promptly told me that the lady who was on the phone before had been mistaken and there was no vacancies for my particular week. He then asked me if another week would be okay, so I reversed the question to him and asked if there were any weeks during the month of August when they could accommodate me. He claimed to be looking at the bookings while he was talking to me and after a few moments 4of7

hesitation assured me that you were fully booked up. I was going to continue and ask about September but I could feel that quite possibly I would get the same answer if I had of asked about September 2008. Now you may think this is a letter of complaint, well in fact it isn’t, it is a letter of apology, you see during the final week of August 2004 myself, my mum, my niece, my son and my nieces then best friend (they aren’t as close now-a-days), spent a week in one of your caravans. I don’t really know how to go on from here, I know excuses are no explanation for being the most despicable, immature inebriated fool on your camp that week but I was on the last stages of drunken despair before I put up the white flag and admitted that I was completely powerless over alcohol. I was having a very bad period of my life, I had just recovered from a long “contact” battle to see my son, I was having a awful time at work and I had been prescribed very strong anti-depressants by my doctor as well as seeing a psychiatrist. However at the root of all my problems was the fact that I was an active alcoholic who had not yet admitted defeat, and all these problems were directly as a result of me being unable to control my consumption. That week on Holiday at Skipsea Sands I literally drunk myself to oblivion every day, possibly this could have been a result of having the routine of work taken away, but I must admit my behaviour at your site was abominable One of my last memories there was coming round from a bender on the cliff top and being surrounded by all these concerned people, I had badly cut my hand and had no idea how I had got there. Needless to say I managed to stagger off to your site shop to get another bottle of whisky which I kept myself near comatose on for the remainder of the week. My poor mum was reduced to tears and despair on numerous occasions; she tried her best to clean up the devastation I left in my wake and my son and niece were quite scared of my erratic and often unpredictable behaviour.

Even the dog would often go sit in the car to wait to go home back to safety, and by the end of the week I was in absolutely no condition to drive the 100 miles or so back to my home town of Huddersfield. In fact when the cleaners came to our caravan they were presented with a drunken man sobbing on the floor in a pathetic state repeatedly saying he couldn’t drive home while his concerned family looked on helpless. In the end someone from senior admin came to the caravan to escort us away and drove our Ford Focus to the reception area where we awaited a kind friend to ferry us all back to safety. So why am I telling you all this, well, when I got back to Huddersfield I did seek help, on the Monday Bank Holiday 2004 I had my first full day sober for many, many years and went to my second Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. The first was the Sunday following the Saturday I got back when some friends of mine drove over to Skipsea to pick up the car. It is now nearly three years later and I have never touched a drop of alcohol since, in fact I am a regular speaker at our local AA meetings and my stories of my last drink on holiday are often told to newcomers. I am also treasurer for my home group at Holmfirth near Huddersfield and my life is infinitely richer and way beyond any of my wildest dreams. One of the twelve steps of the AA program is Step Nine which goes like this, “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others” So that is why I am writing this letter, just to seek amends from your site, not I hasten to add to obtain a lifting of the black mark against my name, but just to say that I am truly very sorry for all the trouble I caused you. I can understand that when people go on holiday, many will let off a little steam and your site must have its fair share of drunken yobs ruining the holidays of others so I can understand why you have to discretely but politely stop people who have behaved badly in the past from returning.

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Once again may I give you my apologies and wish you and all your employees the very best success in the future

QUESTION OF THE MONTH Q How many people are required to be in a room before the probability that there are more than 2 people with the same birthday (just month and date, e.g 21st June) is greater than 1 chance in 2 or 50% (solution in next issue) Answer 23, all to do with probabilities, very  boring and I can’t be bothered with any more  questions after the visit by baby bell!

STEVE TODDS BROKEN SUSPENSION

No this is not another half eaten doughnut  but in fact it is a part of Steve Todds broken  suspension which finally gave up the ghost  over the weekend. Many   rumours   have   been   flying   round  Swillington that he is in fact suing the local  chip shop who he claims are responsible for  his escalating weight, that the garage had to  await beefed up suspension being imported  from   two   chieftain  tanks   from   Iraq   and  the  suspension that has broken was already the  most   beefed   up   available   for   production  cars. Jeff Shaw says that he could do with using  those springs which support our screen (like 

a giant sieve which stains all the clay before  it is processed) they are nearly 2 inch thick. But   this   is   just   the   latest   of   a   long   line   of  incidents, according to Gary Smith he used  to   have   a   Renault   Laguna   before   he   got  “Herbie”   and   went   all   over   West   Yorkshire  looking for a replacement seat for it. According to Nak, the frame off the one they  took out had the worst case of metal fatigue  ever witnessed in a modern automobile. Steve   Todd’s   wife   apparently   phoned   up  Leeds City Council complaining it was there  speed bumps which were responsible for the  broken   springs   in   there   car   but   they  counterclaimed that it was her husband who  was responsible for all the broken chains on  the swings in the children’s playground near  their house.

OUR ACCOUNTANT

Diane is  our Accountant  / Agony Aunt and 

popped in the other day to see how we all  were getting on; of course Mick Brayford has  a bit of a soft spot for this young lady and  was parading about like a peacock with his  feathers out.

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Mick Lardner wasn’t much better either, and  I must admit she did look rather striking and  her personality is really out of this world. Diane  told   me   all   about   accountancy   and  how much she admired her boss who Mick  calls   "The   Coach"   and   said   in   her   office  nobody talks to each other, in fact the send  emails   even   though   they   are   barely   desks  apart. She said accountants are just kids who have  never   grown   up,   they   started   life   counting  there sweeties and putting them in different  piles and moving them from one pile to the  other and now they have grown older they  do the same with pretend money. She came to the UK from Guyana and loves  working   for   Hanson’s,   she   always   seems  happy   and   full   of   life   and   Mick   Lardner  reckons she talks so much and so quickly he  was wondering if she has gills to breathe

THE CONSULTANT - JOKES

A   shepherd   was   herding   his   flock   in   a  remote pasture when suddenly a brand­new  BMW   advanced   out   of   the   dust   cloud  towards him. The driver, a young man in a  Bronze   suit,   Gucci   shoes,   Ray   Ban  sunglasses   and   YSL   tie,   leaned   out   the  window  and asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly  how many sheep you have in your flock, will  you give me one?" The shepherd looked at the man, obviously  a   yuppie,   then   looked   at   his   peacefully­ grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure." The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his  IBM   ThinkPad   and   connected   it   to   a   cell  phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on 

the   internet   where   he   called   up   a   GPS  satellite   navigation   system,   scanned   the  area, and then opened up a database and  an   Excel   spreadsheet   with   complex  formulas.   He   sent   an   email   on   his  Blackberry   and,   after   a   few   minutes,  received a response. Finally, he prints out  a 130 page report on his miniaturized printer  then turns  to  the  shepherd  and  says,”  You  have exactly 1586 sheep". "That is correct; take one of the sheep" said  the shepherd.  He watches the young man select one of the  animals and bundle it into his car. Then   the   shepherd   says:   "If   I   can   tell   you  exactly what your business is, will you give  me back my animal?" "OK, why not" answered the young man. "Clearly,   you   are   a   consultant"   said   the  shepherd.  "That's   correct"   says   the   yuppie,   "but   how  did you guess that?" "No   guessing   required"   answers   the  shepherd.   "You   turned   up   here   although  nobody called you. You want to get paid for  an   answer   I   already   knew,   to  a   question   I  never asked, and you don't know crap about  my business.... Now give  me back my dog".

BUMPER STICKERS Where there's a will... I want to be on it. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your nursing home. Always remember you're unique... Just like everyone else. 7of7