How To Deal With Pain

How to Deal with Pain A Bible Essay available at bibledoc.org

Men in the Bible deal with pains a variety of ways: They look forward to deliverance Re 21:4; Is 35:10; Is 51:11; Is 65:14; Jer 31:13, 15-17; Joh 16:20-22; 1Th 4:13. This is the key to enduring hardness

They work towards a resolution Pr 10:22; Ro 9:2

This is the key to development

They forgive and pity those who have hurt them deeply Gen 50:17; 2Co 2:6

This is the key to long-term recovery

They submit and repent Ps 25:18

This is a key to mental health

They choose, in view of the judgment, to be free and joyous. Ec 11:9-10

You may help by “confirming your love” toward a hurting punished person 2Co 2:6-8

They overcome evil with good, replacing their bitterness with service Eph 4:30-32

Others try other methods: They distract themselves By inflicting pain on their bodies; Re 16:10; Jer 16:6; 41:5; 48:36; Forbidden: Le 19:28; 21:5; Ro 12:1; 1Co 6:15-20 By drinking; Pr 23:29; Pr 31:6; Forbidden: Pr 31:4-5; etc.

They repress expression of pain Ne 2:2

They crave attention from a caretaker or others 1Ki 18:26; Some attention-craving acts are forbidden: Col 2:23; Mt 6:16

They deny their wretched state Re 18:7

They seek solitude Is 22:4

They overwork Ps 127:2; Useless: Ps 127:2. They sleep Ps 127:2; Helpful as healthy; useless as an escape: Lu 22:45

There are several sources of pain: Guilt/Divine Punishment Ps 25:18; Jer 30:15, 23; Le 26:16; De 28:65; Re 18:7 Human Punishment 2Co 2:6; He 12:11 Anticipation of Trouble Jer 6:22 Unanswered prayer Jer 15:18 The Genesis curses Rom 8:22; Gen 3:16-17; Ps 90:10 Family issues/dysfunction Pr 17:21, 25; Ro 9:2; (and sorrows of the world are deadly, 2Co 7:10) An increase of understanding Ec 1:18; Joh 16:6; Re 10:9 Ignorance 1Th 4:13 Repentance Ec 7:3; (and the heart is “made better” by Godly sorrows. Ec 7:3; 2Co 7:10) Death/departure of loved one Joh 16:20; Php 2:27; Jer 31:15-17 Restriction/Indulgence withheld James 3:11-4:3

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Conscientious Choices

Heb 11:25-26

Introduction Pain won’t last forever. When God wipes away our tears neither “will there be any more pain.” Re 21:4. But in the mean time men, whether consecrated or no, must deal with the sorrows of this life. Jesus was acquainted with those sorrows when he was here as a man. Is 53:3. The Bible names and illustrates the primary ways that men deal with pain. It recommends some methods of coping and forbids others. And in a few cases the Bible simply says the methods don’t work. In this essay we will briefly observe first a variety of causes of pain. Pain has causes and when dealing with pain, the best coping method often depends on the cause. This is especially obvious in cases of physical pain, but no less true in cases of sorrow. Next we will observe methods that work and which are recommended in scripture. Finally we will note that a list of faulty coping methods, some of which are sinful, and all of which seem to be prevalent today. These should be replaced by the recommended methods. Causes and Sources of Pain1 Much pain in the world comes from the fact that our planet is cursed. Gen 3:16-17. This includes the pain involved in child birth, the pain of being pricked with briars, and a great deal of other physical pain and handicaps. The pains of growing old (Ps 90:10), and those of our pets (Ro 8:22) all fall into this category. To whatever extent such things cause us mental anguish, the curse becomes the cause of that as well. Such anguish frequently follows the first promised element of the curse: death. Loved ones left behind hurt intensely. This type of sadness happens acutely even when persons depart from each other for long periods of time. Joh 16:20; Php 2:27; Jer 31:15-17. As the planet has degenerated, so has the family. Four original grandparents, with two original parents working together lovingly to raise their own biological children – this scenario has become uncommon. And the result is one of pain, both to parents of wayward children (Pr 17:21, 25) and to watching relatives (Ro 9:2) and most obviously to the children. (Judges 11 and 2 Sam 13-18 illustrate the myriad ways dysfunction causes intense pain.) Perhaps the most common source of pain is guilt, and later, divine punishment. This source of pain is attested widely. See Ps 25:18; Jer 30:15, 23; Le 26:16; De 28:65; Re 18:7. Doing wrong hurts sometimes. But being punished for doing wrong hurts always. Guilt is a small initial installment on punishment intended to lead us to seek forgiveness. Human punishment hurts too. And it can be overwhelming when combined with shunning or cold shoulders. 2Co 2:6. Much pain comes from an improper use of our imagination2. We anticipate trouble (Jer 6:22) and thus let it hurt us even before it arrives, and even though it may never arrive. In this category should be located the pain caused by unanswered prayer (Jer 15:18), for it is only in our imagination that the prayer will not be answered at the right time and appropriately. Ignorance stings despite its blissful reputation. Those, for example, who believe that their departed and wayward child must be writhing in hell with millions of years hopelessly stretched out before him 1

These answer the question “how” does pain come. For an answer to “why” pain comes the author recommends “God and Pain, and Essay on ‘why’” available under “articles” at www.bibledoc.org. 2 See the article on the imagination at www.bibledoc.org.

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there, have an ignorance that causes them sorrow “as do others” where understanding people are comparatively solaced. 1Th 4:13. When our pet indulgence is out of reach, self asserts that it is in pain. Though we ought to let it die, self does verily make the life of men painful until they acquiesce and secure the forbidden object. James 3:11-4:3. The sorrows described above might be summarized as the sorrows of the world. Such sorrow injures the body, weakens the immune response, and is truly a cause of death. 2Co 7:10. There are other causes of sorrow that are better named “godly sorrow” and by these the heart is “made better.” Ec 7:3; 2Co 7:10. These include the sorrow of repentance as well as the sorrow that comes when suffering for making a conscientious choice. Ec 7:3; 2Co 7:10; Heb 11:25-26. Then there is a sorrow that comes with an increase of understanding. This may also be thought of as part of the curse, the painful recognition of the effects of sin, an experience of disappointment, or an understanding of a crushing responsibility. Ec 1:18; Re 10:9; Joh 16:6. Dealing with Pain – Wholesome Methods Christians must expect to endure hardness as good soldiers. They are enabled to bare the sorrows that crush others (Is 65:14), and here are a few of the reasons: They look forward to deliverance In their minds the future is an encouraging reality. Re 21:4. They anticipate being redeemed. Is 51. 11. They a know a resurrection is coming. Jer 31:13, 15-17; 1Th 4:13. Is 35:10 And the ransomed of the LORD shall return, and come to Zion with songs and everlasting joy upon their heads: they shall obtain joy and gladness, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away. There future change supports them in their current disaster. Joh 16:20 Verily, verily, I say unto you, That ye shall weep and lament, but the world shall rejoice: and ye shall be sorrowful, but your sorrow shall be turned into joy. 21 A woman when she is in travail hath sorrow, because her hour is come: but as soon as she is delivered of the child, she remembereth no more the anguish, for joy that a man is born into the world. 22 And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you. They work towards a resolution Yet Christians are not comfortless in the mean time. Our mind, our will, our bodies, have been entrusted to us as tools to resolve problems. These resources allow men to acquire food and lodging for their families in an honorable way that brings no regrets while alleviating the father’s stress and the children’s hunger. Pr 10:22 The blessing of the LORD, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it. When Christians use these resources to conquer problems, they accept them as a gift from heaven and do not feel that they are depending on themselves. The ability to think and to plan is God’s gift to men to relieve a great deal of the suffering that is in the world. So when Paul was sad about his lost relatives, he was at the same time planning and executing and working to save, if possible, “some” of them. Ro 9:11; 11:4. Working towards a resolution is the key to personal development. It leads to maturity on one hand, and literally reduces the causes of suffering on the other. Many of the faulty methods that Satan has suggested as antidotes for pain, by way of contrast, are nothing more than escape mechanisms that leave men in the very same problems. More on these later.

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They forgive and pity those who have hurt them deeply Not all sources of pain are problems to be solved. Some sources are past events. The pain that comes from having been abandoned as a child (adoptees often feel that this happened), or having been molested, or having experienced the divorce of one’s parents – these sources can’t be ‘fixed.’ So when Joseph was sold into slavery by his own brothers an embittering pain threatened to destroy his happiness for life. But Joseph resolved the hurt by forgiveness. When, years later, his brothers asked him to forgive them, he was heart-broken that they were still unaware of how thoroughly he had done so already. Ge 50:17 “[Dying Jacob was alleged to say] ‘So shall ye say unto Joseph, Forgive, I pray thee now, the trespass of thy brethren, and their sin; for they did unto thee evil:’ and now, we pray thee, forgive the trespass of the servants of the God of thy father.” And Joseph wept when they spake unto him. Even in cases where one has done so wickedly as to warrant being disfellowshipped, the Bible recommends whole-hearted forgiveness. 2 Co 2:6-7. Forgiveness is a healing balm. It is the first of two steps in the process of recovering from a deep wound. Forgive the guilty party that has harmed you, even if that party includes parents you have never met or an attacker that you do not know. Forgiveness opens the boil and lets the puss run out. They submit and repent Christians accept God’s correction. They submit and repent and that is how they deal with those sources of pain identified above as guilt and punishment. They make the connection and cry “look upon my affliction and pain and forgive all my sins.” Ps 25:18. Repentance is also the second step in dealing with pain that comes from a wound. “Repent?!?” you ask incredulously. “How can you ask a child to repent for being harmed?” No, no. Do not repent for being wounded. Repent for responding selfishly. Anger, bitterness, resent, and hate towards the wrong doer are the very self-defending agents that have allowed the pain to run so deep for so long. For Christ’s sake, who has forgiven you, confess the unkindness of your thoughts and put them away. (This is not an essay on how to do that, and professional Christian counseling might be in order for those who fail to get the help they need in this regard other ways.) Repentance is a key to mental health. They choose, in view of the judgment (Ecc 11:9-10), to be free and joyous. This is a spiritual choice made by dependant Christians. Joy more closely related to the will than many realize. If you will seek the Lord and be converted every day; if you will of your own spiritual choice be free and joyous in God; if with gladsome consent of heart to His gracious call, you come wearing the yoke of Christ,--the yoke of obedience and service,--all your murmurings will be stilled, all your difficulties will be removed, all the perplexing problems that now confront you will be solved.-- {CM 119.2} You may help by “confirming your love” toward a hurting punished person To this point we have considered ways to deal with your own pain. There is an important element, however, that third parties should understand. They can help you with your pain-at-being-punished by confirming their love toward you. But this is almost perfectly useless to know because love can not be extracted. What is helpful is that you can be the third party that helps someone else. (This works as directed when the third party was party also to giving the punishment. It makes no sense any other way.) You can confirm your love to the person who thought he had reason to doubt it when he was punished. Some persons never did have loving discipline from their parents and so have difficulty conceiving of tough love.

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2Co 2:6 Sufficient to such a man is this punishment, which was inflicted of many. 7 So that contrariwise ye ought rather to forgive him, and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with overmuch sorrow. 8 Wherefore I beseech you that ye would confirm your love toward him. They overcome evil with good, replacing their bitterness with service Our final helpful method of dealing with pain helps deal with many other problems and sins as well. Eph 4:30 And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: 32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. By choosing to do a kind thing to a specific person, by forgiving another, you practically replace the “bitterness”, “wrath”, and “anger” that the Spirit wants you to “put away.” Service displaces bitterness. What a wonderful and helpful reality that is. Others try other methods: Men who know not the Lord, and many who know Him imperfectly, often struggle about grasping for some way to cope with their pain. We will observe their methods, not to mock them, but to discover in ourselves if we are healing ourselves with one of these methods. We would not want to be one of those faulty counselors who told a hurting people that everything would be OK when everything was not OK. Jer 6:14 They have healed also the hurt of the daughter of my people slightly, saying, Peace, peace; when there is no peace. They distract themselves Men who can not get away from their pain naturally seek to be distracted from it. By Hurting One’s Self Anciently and with a modern resurgence, men have sought to escape mental sorrow by inflicting physical pain on their bodies. Jeremiah describes ancient grieving processes, for example, where men would “cut themselves” (Jer 16:6) or “tear themselves” (Jer 6:7) and drink what was likely a stupefying drink (Jer 16:7) after losing a parent to death. Eight doomed men from Shechem had, as a way of showing their sorrow, dressed in sackcloth. They had also “cut themselves.” Jer. 41:5. And the prophet predicted that Moab would be reduced to “cutting” their own hands as a way of dealing with the pain of being punished by God. Jer 48:36. And during the last plagues men will be in such mental distress that they will seek distraction by the painful exercise of “gnawing” their own tongues. These methods, aside from the obvious fact that they solve nothing, are also forbidden. God has richer ways of dealing with our pain than by broadening its scope. Le 19:28; 21:5; Ro 12:1; 1Co 6:15, 19-20. Another escape mechanism known to Old Testament persons was intoxication. Men drank liquor. Pro 23:29; 31:6. This method, though allowed for sinners in cases of terminal illness and solemn depression, was forbidden to kings and priests. And as Christians are “kings and priests” in God’s kingdom, mind-numbing substances are forbidden to us. Under these two heads, pain-causing distraction and mind-numbing distraction, can be classed the modern forms of escapism. Under the pain-causing head you can find anorexia and embedding. Under mind-numbing you can find masturbation, pornography, bulimia, gluttony and drugs. And most of these have cross-over values. That is, the mind-numbing activity also produces a suffering of guilt, thus treating pain with an increase of pain. Satan never has been very kind to the people he tricks.

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The escape mechanisms are, interestingly, addictive. Such is the desire of the heart for peace that it clings to even false hopes with incredible tenacity. Bringing in a “better hope” is an incredibly important step in breaking the psychological hold of these addictions. Then the addictions shrink into a bad habit to be broken by the power of the gospel. (Caffeine, Nicotine, and some drugs have an additional type of addiction that is more physiological, but that is not within the scope of this paper.) They repress expression of pain Expression of our woes increases our feeling of them. In this sense there is some worldly wisdom in refusing to give them expression. But typically this is just a modified form of escape and share with that defective method the weakness of offering absolutely neither help nor resolution nor hope to the afflicted. Nehemiah’s Persian king had this mentality and sought to have a happier life by banishing the expression of sadness in his court. Ne 2:2. But only Nehemiah’s expression of sorrow brought, in the long term, real help. It was the first step in seeking resolution. Expressing our pain, when combined with an expression of dependence on God for help, is a real and tangible way to move towards a resolution of a problem. They crave attention from a caretaker or others Persons in pain, some of them, desire attention. When they were little they learned that acting up gets attention. They might not think this through in any sense, but adult behavior is sufficient to prove that some persons develop a habit of acting up a way of dealing with pain. The priests of Baal, for example, were leaping and jumping and doing all kinds of silly things (including cutting themselves, but not likely for reasons similar to those discussed earlier) trying to get the attention of who? Of Baal. 1Ki 18:26. But acting up on one hand, showing off on the other, demonstrating even artificial religious qualities like humility, are not only forbidden, but utterly fail of giving any real help to the sufferers. Col. 2:23; Mt 6:16. They deny their wretched state This is the normal way, for example, that a 60-year old man deals with a 95% sure diagnosis of lung cancer. He convinces himself that he is in the 5%, or that an experimental drug will heal him, or that God will certainly spare him from death by miracle, or that the doctor is incompetent, or, in worst case scenarios, he even deludes himself into thinking he was not so diagnosed. Even mystic Babylon deals with her problems this way. Scripture indicates that, in the end, this method utterly fails to comfort. Re 18:7 How much she hath glorified herself, and lived deliciously, so much torment and sorrow give her: for she saith in her heart, I sit a queen, and am no widow, and shall see no sorrow. They seek solitude Some persons seek solitude when suffering. It is natural to hide our tears. Isaiah said, when contemplating the painful destruction of his own people, “Look away from me; I will weep bitterly.” Is 22:4. Being alone, however, is a poor idea for depressed persons. Having time to meditate on one’s woes makes them feel more horrible until one sets to work solving a problem or chooses to cherish a future deliverance. They overwork The idea that we are dependant on our own resources for solving our problems leads, subconsciously, to overwork. Persons like the author of this study tackle their problems with all the effort they have to offer. But it is useless to stay up late and to rise up early and to work this way to solve our problems. God has given us sleep, in fact, as a means of preserving our emotional health.

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Ps 127:2 It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep. They sleep Persons unlike the author, but who also feel dependant on their own resources, are inclined to give up when overwhelmed. Emotionally, this looks like a desire to oversleep. As an escape, it is useless. Lu 22:45. But as a habit of early to bed and early to rise, it is a healthy and rational means of dealing with problems. See Ps. 127:2 above. Conclusion: Hope and real work and dependence on God can support a man in his trials. Forgiveness and repentance free him from guilt and begin to heal his wounds. Choosing to be joyous and free in God levels his emotions. Looking for ways to be sweet helps replace the bad habits of thought that embitter our lives. All these methods work. Satan’s cheap tricks, old and new, ignore the causes of pain. They seek to numb the pain, or to distract one from it, or engulf one is trying to help himself by himself. They lead some to deny their problems and lead others to act up in a bid to get attention. But they don’t work. Rather, the escape mechanisms addict the user while increasing his misery and guilt. Then seek for peace, for a healing that isn’t done “slightly.”

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