Hood Bwoii

January was an emotional month all round but Nuttie and Jayden kept me alive thank God. I was in my living room watching the news when I heard "On Christmas Day a 17year old was robbed and beaten to near death...the perpetrator who cannot be named for security reasons is being sentenced today...police say there was no motive behind this attack. On other news, this month marks the 2nd anniversary of the death of Marcus Reid Jacobs who was shot 24times...his killer still hasn't been found." Then there was an interview with some chief police officer. I had lost interest my dad attempted to change the channel. "Nah dad leave it..." We watched TV for a bit longer and I went upstairs into my room and read. I still weren't going out for no-one. Unless they could guarantee I would be 100% warm. I eventually had to go school. On the first day back everyone was looking fresh, Jayden's hair looked nice, that got me to smile... Nuttie as usual was looking flawless. My baby! I went up to him bare grinning. "Why you so happy?" "Cuz I saw you" "Aww isit..." "Yup! I missed you." I said jumping on him. He laughed. "I dunno what your gonna do summertime when I'm on holiday." "I might have to jump in your suitcase." "No complaints there boy!" We both laughed and headed off to assembly; I could feel Jayden staring at me. Everyone sat down still chatting. Jayden was on my right and Nuttie was on my left. They started cussing eachother again. The way I had tears in my eyes! "Ok!!" My Geography teacher said. Everyone stopped and looked at him. He started talking whilst I played with Jayden's fingers. I weren't listening, my mind was places. "You going?" Jayden whispered to me. "Where?" I asked. He laughed. "Weren't you listening?" "No..." "Trip...in April..." I shrugged. As soon as it started, it was over. I was confused. "What was assembly about?" I asked Jay and Nut. "There's a trip in April, bike riding Peak District your going right?" "I dunno..." I replied honestly. "Come man its dead without you!" Nuttie said. "Thanks love, but I really don't know..." "But your thinking about it ye?" I nodded not really listening... A plan was forming in my head. I knew a lot was at stake but I had to do it. "I'm sorry Marcus forgive me" I said. "Jai! The answer?" My English teacher asked. "Sorry Ms, I don't know... I weren't really listening". She was shocked. I was being "myself" and adding to that I was depressed. I knew what to do...I knew I could do it, I just had to find the correct time, place and day...then everything would work. Maybe a couple of months. "Jai what's poppin with you?" Nuttie asked. I couldn't tell him, I had to lie... I hoped it would work. "Nuffin..." I lied. "You chat shit, you've been down all day" "Nah its nothing." "It's that Jayden thing innih..." I nodded. BIG FAT LIE. Sorry Marcus...sorry Nuttie, sorry Chanel, sorry mum, dad and Jayden. I thought to myself... He hugged me. "Don't worry it's gonna be ok! I'm here for you." "Always?" "Always and Forever Jai..." I hugged him tighter. "I love you loads Nuttie..." "Love you too, bush girl." I laughed. I played it off and made it through the whole day...Everyone was making me feel extremely guilty like they knew what I was going to do. After school, I rushed home and got changed. I quickly stepped out of my house, hoping to see him. I went to Nai's house and didn't bother knocking on the door cuz blatantly no one would be in! I walked past the house and decided to go shop. I saw a bunch of boys jamming there, I walked past. "Move..." I commanded. "Ey blud who you talking to?" A hooded criminal asked. "I'm fucking talking to you...this is a PUBLIC pavement, if you aint got a home, I suggest you go to the council where you can get shelter, now move" They were all staring at me. One boy kissed his teeth. He took off his hood, FUCK, I got shook. He looked my age, older, with a gold tooth, obviously he was respected cuz boy, there was suttin about him... "Lil girl you're lucky I don't touch girls, but have some manners man!" Well, he was right... "Alrite, I'm sorry, just a bit moody today" they all chuckled and moved out of my way. I went corner shop and went SHOPPING because real talk I hadn't eaten since morning. I proper took a basket walking up and down the SMALL shop.5strides covered its length. I finished, paid, and went back out; they were back in the same spot like they hadn't moved. "Excuse me please can I pass through?" I asked nicely. "That wasn't hard was it?" I laughed and they moved. MISSION FAILED. I'll be coming back...I thought to myself. I was walking off crunching on the minstrels, sipping my cream soda and tryna fit a full cookie into my mouth with I heard someone behind me...I turned around. I screwed him.

"Oh its you. Here's me thinking, George Bush has come to see me..." He laughed. "Rude girl..." "Does my facial expression register that I care about what you think." "Ay, the way I'm tryna be niceee...." I laughed because he stressed the 'e' which made him sound gay. He had completely over exaggerated the word and situation. I turned to go...he grabbed my hand, I screwed him, he laughed and released my hand. "What's your name?" he asked. "Peter..." He laughed. I stayed serious. "Nah allow me your lying now, Peter?" "So what you tryna do? Mock? Cuz I have a boys name?" "Oh shit." He said scratching his head. "Yeah oh shit, bye now" "I'm sorry Peter" he said. I laughed and he looked even confused. "My REAL name's Jai, I was fucking about..." He laughed. "Good cuz I was getting anxious, I thought you were pissed." "I'm gone bye." "Don't you even want my name?" "No, because I don't need to associate with "hoodlums..." "DEAD" "Very much alive my dear." I said to him He laughed. I walked and he followed me. "How old are you?" he asked. "14..." "Younger..." I didn't reply. Just continued walking. "So aint you gonna ask my age?" "Nope" "Why not?" "Cuz I don't want to know you, I've got enough friends..." He laughed. "Has anyone ever told you that you're a nice person?" I laughed. "Yeah all the time..." He laughed. I decided to be nice, cuz true say he was trying. "So what's your name?" "Me?" he asked. "Nah, I was talking to my front teeth." He laughed. "I'm Gino..." "Really?" I asked getting excited. He kinda looked like a Gino... "So how old are you?" "16, in year11 still... you got a man?" "No, but that doesn't mean I'm single..." "How does that work?" "We're courting..." He laughed and so did I. "Soo. What school you go?" I asked becoming suddenly interested. "DPS." "Ohh, so you know Nai?" "Yeah how you know her?" "She comes to my school now..."

"That wasteman school...so you know Jasper ye?" "Hmmm" I replied. "He's in pen you nahh." "Yeah he told me he was going..." "Oh, skeen, so your close yeh?" "Hmm, I wouldn't call that close..." He laughed and my bus buss a corner. "Gimme your number." "No..." "Please." "Why do you want it?" "Cuz you're a funny person, just allow me, I might never see you again" I laughed, cuz he was pleading so damn hard. "Ite, its 079..." He took out his phone tryna keep up with it.... My bus came... "Wait that's 10numbers" he said... I shrugged. I got on the bus and he was outside saying "what's the last number?" I laughed and gave him a three with my fingers. He gave me thumbs up. Vibrations I got a text. You're a trek! Its Gino btw I'll bell you when I need to laugh yeh? I laughed. He was such a fool. I went home, talked to Chanel for a bit and did some coursework. I eventually slept. 2weeks later. I had been talking to Gino, getting closer to Jayden, continuously lying to Nuttie and just being confused all the time. I was bored and called Gino. "Wag1 rudegal?" "BORED." "Come jam with me and mah bredrins yard innih," "Hmm, gimme directions..." "Just come to the endz, and call me when you get to the corner shop." I locked off. He called again. I busied him. I got a text Rude! No manners, insulting, degrading Man I feel hurt! Kmt

I laughed. I walked out of my house cuz I was already ready, it was Saturday and Jay and Nut had some tournament so they were away in Manchester. I got to the corner shop quick time and called him. "Yo!" he said. "I'm there..." "Ok I'm-." I locked off. I loved being mean to him. It felt too nice. Soon I saw some black boy with his hoody up on a BMX riding fast towards me. Gino. I just stared. He stopped in front of me and took off his hood. He screwed me. "Your too damn rude." "Where we going?" "Jump on." I looked at him and at the thing he was on. Then I touched my £65 apple bottoms and kissed my teeth. He musta been mad "Your fuckin crazy!!!!!!! Move, and I'm walking." "KMT, that's you..." I started walking he rode past me and slapped my bum and laughed. "FOOL, if you're a bad man I dare you get off your bike and do it again." He stopped grinned at me and continued riding. "PUSSIOOO!" I shouted. He laughed. 5mins later we were in front on someone's home. "Hold on a sec" he said wheeling the BMX to the back of the house. Seconds later he came back and I asked. "How many girls are there?" "Umm, about, ermm, you innih." "What?" "When you say you, ima assume the girls called you..." He scratched his head and I started cussing him. He put his lips to mine and I bit his bottom lip and pulled his ear, twisting it in the process. "Gino if you ever try that again, ima bite off that gold in your mouth." He laughed and rang the door... Bare locks clicked and someone opened the door. I was standing beside Gino...so I couldn't see who was at the door... "Wotss good fam, where's that chick you were picking--." He stopped I screwed. I kissed my teeth and looked at him disgusted. "Oh its you..." I said. "Prick. I swear you're too rude, I could bang you right now, the pussio aint here to stop me." My heart stopped beating a second. Him dissing Jasper like that hut me. Jasper weren't a pussio... I screwed him even more. "I take it you two know each other..." Gino said.

"Hmph..." I replied. "Who's a pussio?" Gino asked. "Jasper." I said hoarsely, with a lump in my throat. I wanted to cry! "Eyy you're my bredrin but don't be talking about my cousin like that! Watch yourself blud before I show wag1" Gino said to him. "Whatever, get inside before I freeze." He said screwing me. Their cousins? He kept that on a down low "FUCK YOU CUBBZ." I said to him. We walked into a lot of noise coming from upstairs. I followed but Gino pulled, well dragged me into the kitchen. "How you know Cubbz?" he asked. I explained. "Watch yourself ye? He's not a good person" "And you are?" "Nahh but at least I have class..." I laughed and we walked upstairs, I walked into some next room concentrated with bare manz... They are stared at me. "Am I a TV for you people to be watching me like that? Or are particles spread across my forehead now in HD?" I asked. They all started laughing. "She's rudeee Rydz yu'naah." "I TOLD YOU" Gino replied. Cubbz just kissed his teeth. "FOOL, Cubbz I don't like you, you don't like me, I beg you keep your comments to yourself cuz true say your not gifted enough to compose complex sentences, don't try hype to me cuz your vocab consists of 'shank, weed, brandy, mac10' yu zimme, don't try it with me cuz I don't care if you're a boy or own this fucking house, I will shank you blud." Because you may have killed my brother. I didn't say that part All the mandem were silent. Then I heard some deep laughter coming from behind me. Some nice pink and plum sexy lips I stared at. "Who are you?" I asked. "Static..." "Nahh cuz as far as I know and as far as science is concerned you don't have any charged particles I can physically see, you don't generate electricity, therefore, you are not static." He looked at me shook his head and laughed. "She's feisty" I heard someone say. Deep down, I wanted to get a knife and kidnap Cubbz and make him confess cuz he KILLED my brother. At least I hoped I was right. I think... We jammed. Static was 19, and Cubbz's older brother. Hmmm.... My mind starting going mad. Gino was making me laugh and screwing Cubbz. "Where's the toilet?" I asked. No one replied. I said it a bit louder "WHERE IS THE FUCKING TOILET?" "Go outside, and open every door until you see it..." Cubbz replied. I screwed him and walked out.

I went to wash my hands I was coming out when someone dragged me into a room and shut the door. I turned around to see "STATIC". He licked his lips at me. Ergh. Nah, he was good looking, if I was older and didn't wanna kill him we might have gotten along. "How old are you?" he asked. I debated. Fuck it. "14...why?" "Your underage alie..." "Underage for what?" "Nuttin" he replied... I clocked on. Marcus forgive me! I decided to play this to my advantage. Lord gimme strength. I couldn't believe what I was about to do. "Nuttin? I saw you staring at me yu naa" I lied. "Isit? Its cuz your sexy innih..." "Hmm, so you want me alie?" He laughed. "Hmm, your upfront aren't you?" "Why wouldn't I be...?" "Hmmm, big gal ye?" "Always...." He came closer to me...I licked my lips... Anything time now... he bent his head to kiss me and I put my hands in his face and tip-toed and whispered well, tried to reach when ear when I said. "If you want me, your gonna have to work hard to get me". And walked out. I sicked it. I returned back into the room and they were talking about football and ting, I joined in and started cussing people cuz they were pissing me off to the MAX. Some of them anyway. Static walked back in and I pretended not to notice. I licked my lips at him and his face was comical. I kept on making sexual innuendoes aimed at him and unbuttoned my top bottom so he could see my cleavage. I winked at him. My phone rang. Chanel. "Where are you?" she asked. "At my friends yard." "Sounds like bare manz to me..." "Uh-uh, what do you want?" "Come home soonish yeah, I aint got keys." I locked off. Fool. "Who was that?" Jason asked. A breddah I just met and liked. Ish. "My sister." "YOU HAVE A SISTER?" "Yeah, she's 16 and HAS a MAN. So no I aint giving her number and no she aint loose." They all laughed. I decided to go. "Stay a bit." Someone said. "Nahh, I don't enjoy certain peoples company yu'zimme?" I said screwing Cubbz. He kissed his teeth and his phone went off. He smiled and got up to leave "Wag1 babes" he said into the phone.

"Ergh someone has called that monkey HUBBY? Rahtid, I wonder what kinda torment she's going thru." EVERYONE FELL OUT LAUGHING AND HE HEARD AND SCREWED. I love it. "Set me your phone Rydz..." Static said. He passed his phone no questions asked. KMT. He took out his and dun suttin. "Safe g!" he said handing the phone back. "Yeah its nuffin." "Bye you guys, maybe I'll see YOU later." I said in directing the "you" to Static. He winked. Gino led me off and he was bare quiet. "Why were you flirting with Static? Do you know how old he is?" he asked "Yeah, and I weren't flirting." "Nah don't fuck about, what the hell are you up to?" he said to him. I wanted to trust him, I really did, but I couldn't. "Nothing man!" I replied. He went silent then we continued walking, we reached the bus stop and I got annoyed with the silence. I was about to speak when he done it. "I know Jasper didn't stab the yout! Cubbz liked Nia found out she was doing a ting with Stormzee and she told me cuz she was shook, and now this! Jasper doesn't fucking know Stormzee, flipping Cubbz shanked him but Jasper thinks he dun it!" Gino blurted. Woi, he was out of breath. "Rah..." was all I said. I still I couldn't tell him, I just couldn't... Fuck, I did. I told him everything and he listened intently... When I finished he laughed. "YOU ARE A DON!" he said to me. I laughed. "So you sure your on it Jai?" he asked "Yes 100% bring it on bruv! I'm on it, I'm on it." He laughed. "I got your back keep doing what your doing ye?" I nodded and my bus came we spudded and I got on the bus. I got home and no-one was there, Chanel came a few minutes after me and I screwed her cuz she had come with Kyan behind her. Ergh, I didn't need to be hearing them fuck but where could I go? I decided to ask. "Could you please restrict your noise when fucking cuz I have to put up with it and it aint nice." "JAI!" Chanel said. "Ite, I'll try...I'll cover her mouth." Kyan replied. "YUCK" I replied. He laughed and smacked her bum and she squealed. I prayed for my mum and dad to come home. That would be the day! I went into my room and my phone rang. "Yes who's this cuz I aint saved your number." "Rude..." "Oh, its you." I said. He laughed. "Don't lie your happy I called you lil freak." "Yeah I am" I lied. He chuckled. "So what you saying about me?" he asked. Men... "What ARE you saying about me..." "Your underage." "But you wanna fuck me alie." "Hmm, your underage..." "But your feeling me innih," "Your underage." "You want to fuck me." "Your underage." "Your feeling me..." "YOU ARE UNDERAGE." He said again. I laughed.

"Don't fucking front, you want me... and I want you..." I lied again. "You're a virgin innih." "No...why would I be?" I lied again. "Hmm, your some next freak alie." FUCK IT. I made my decision. "Phone me back, I need to holla at my baby." "You got a man?" "Yup" "So what you tryna do? Play me?" "No...I'm tryna play him..." I lied He laughed. "Fuck your bad!" he said "And fucking horny, I'll drop call you to call me ye." I lied. "Itee. Lol, come to me man! I'll show you suttin, stretch your pussy a bit." "Hmm, we'll see, call me back" I locked off and immediately called Jayden. It rang and rang I was about to pick up when he picked up. "Since when do you call me?" he asked. I smiled. "I'm bored" "I aint in London." "I miss you" I said to him. "Same man I miss you too...what you been up to." "Investigating." I said. He laughed. "So have you won anything?" I asked. "Won?" he sounded hurt. "Man fuckin smashed everything, broke my own record and shit! Yu nuts?" "You go baby! What about Nuttie?" "He won everything in his race aswell but got Silver in 60m, its pissing him off, he keeps cussing its nuff jokes, and you shud see the girls fuck their HENCH blud" I started laughing. "That's not nice!" "Jai I aint gonna lie, I was shook when one of them try churpse me" "FOOOL..." "ASSWIPE" Then it registered ina my head. "Who tried to churspe you?" I asked. "I spy jealousy" "I am jealous, who tried to churspe you?" I asked again. He explained. Now I missed him and Nuttie more. "Can I speak to Nuttie please?" "Yeah hol up..." "Wag1 baby?" he asked. "Nuttttieeeeeeeeeee... I missed you." "You did?" "Well durrhhh..." He laughed. "I'm so pissed off man" he said "Why?" "I got a silver, I don't fucking want a silver." "AWW, Bubi! There's always next time, and plus you were tired and you've been racing bare so like, you were tired." I said tryna boast his ego And it worked! "So what you been doing?" he asked me. "Out and about"

"Doing?" "I made a new friend." "Uh-huh, name." "He's called Gino." "He?" "Yes he." "Hmmm, we'll discuss this later." "Man when is this competition gonna finish you've been going on and off for 2weeks now!" "Finishing 2day! You can have me all to your self next week." "Yaay." "Have to go, podium time to get my fucking silver argh! Bye" "Love you." "Love you too." "Tell Jay I said bye." "He doesn't get no I love you nah?" "Ha-ha, put me on speaker." "Ite" "Am I on speaker?" I asked. "Yeah" they both replied. "I LOVE YOU JAYDEN AND NUTTIE!!!! Byeee," I said and locked off. An hour later Static called back. "Freak wah you saying?" he asked. "Nuffin." "Come link me tomorrow." "Sorry I'm underage." I replied. He laughed. "A friendly link." "I got church." "After church?" "I'm going to stare at myself in the mirror for an hour then I'm busy." He started laughing. "You've got jokes?" he asked. "You aint even ready for me." He laughed. "When you turning 15?" "June." "Ah shit. That's long." "When you turning 20?" I asked reminding him of his age. "Next year". We talked for a bit and I locked off. Either Jasper or Gino were gassing or suttin was going down big time! Either way, I was determined to find out. The rest of the year was going to be an interesting one...I'm so sorry Marcus... I kept saying. I really was sorry. There was nothing I could do. I had to do it, I had to do it for him and for everyone in my family. Where the hell was I going to find the strength and courage...I was treading on thin waters and little did I know, I was going to be swimming with the sharks. February 2006. "Valentines day is soon you know" Nuttie said to me. I still hadn't heard from Nia, I missed her too much. "Yeah, every Valentines day I fucking watch them couples in disgust, ergh!" He started laughing. We were in his house after school just jamming cuz I couldn't be bothered to face the cold air again. He had been talking about this girl that he had fucked and he thought he was feeling her but she had a man. "What's her mans name?" I asked bare curious. "That fuckin wasteman Cubbz innih" "Wait! YOU FUCKED HIS GIRL NUTTIE?" "Yeah" "NUTTIE HAVE YOU GONE CRAZY???" I asked getting up and pacing. O shit, what has he done!! "I aint done shit man! And what? He's a fucking wasteman, fuck him, I'm feeling his 16 year old year and its nothing innih. " "Do you wanna die?" I asked him because he was actually digging his own grave. "Nuttie if she tells him..." "She won't, plus if she does, o well, I always wanted to fucking shank that prick!" "Nuttie!!!! "

I started bawling. He was going to get himself killed. Over a girl? Over a fucking girl! "I was lying, I promise I wont do anything" he said "How big do you promise?" I asked He laughed and opened his arms really wide to emphasise the space. "THAT MUCH" "YOU SURE?" "Yup, I'd do anything for you man" he said "I'll do anything for you too." "Serious?" "Yeah" "Ite, then you might aswell make me a sandwich and hot chocolate, my body is kinda freezing from the cold outside still" "FOOL." I said getting up then I clocked suttin. "YOU COMPLETE WANKER! OF COURSE YOUR GONNA BE FUCKING COLD, YOUR WINDOW IS FUCKING OPEN, WHILST YOUR HEATER IS ON YOU NOB!" He laughed and I went to make him his sandwich. I went back upstairs and we continued to talk, jam. He brought up Jayden. "So what you saying about my man?" "Nuffin...I told him I like him aswell innih." "What did he say?" "I don't remember, but I think he was happy. So what's this Cassie girl saying still?" "Ha-ha, a lot but he doesn't like her doh! Anyway, don't tell him I said anything, but you erm, someone is kinda unto him still." "WHO?" "Me." He said and laughed. "Nuttie, you are a prick, with your no colour self." "About! I have a colour." "Well, you aint black and you aint white and you aint mixed." "FOOL, my mum's mixed." "And so is your dad, now tell me where you stand." I said laughing. He threw a pillow at me. I got on top of him and pretended to try and lisp him. "No, Jai, man!" "But Nuttie I want you..." "Ha, you can't have me." "Ever heard of a female raping a male?" I asked him grinning bare evil. "Get off me rapist, someone help me!" he said. Then Jayden buss through the door. He looked confused and I laughed. "Leave my man alone you bitch" Jayden said. "She's tryna rape me!" he said to Jayden. "BATTY BOYS" "But your tryna rape my man doh" Jayden said. "Yes and I aint finished, or even started so Jayden could you please fuck off." He laughed. "Nah, could you rape me instead?" he asked bare grinning. Then Nuttie got off me and run out of the room saying "have fun". Jayden grinned. I didn't understand why I felt so comfortable with him. "So what you saying?" he asked me. "Nothing..." "Hmm..." He came and sat on the bed whilst I was lying on it. I do NOT know what happened. But in a matter of seconds, he was on top on me and we were staring at each other. "Jayden?" "Yeah baby..." "What is going on?" I asked him. He got off me and we started talking. The first Face to Face conversation we'd had about our dodgy relationship. "Thing is I like you, and you say you like me..." "I do." "But I don't wanna hurt you"

"What you mean by that?" "Not tryna sound big headed but nuff chicks like me, so me doing a ting with you would put you in danger." "You don't sound big headed..." "Stop tryna change the subject." "Hmm..." "So, right about now, I'm confused." He said to me. "So am I." We started hugging then we were back in the same spot. He was on me again. "Bare with me yeh?" I said against his lips. "Cool." Our first kiss. Ah shit. It started off awkward for me but with him, I didn't ever feel uncomfortable which helped cuz it meant I had no shame what so ever. We stopped cuz he thought he was hurting me. "WOW, Jai... about you aint kissed anyone before..." I started grinning. "I haven't, you're my first kiss." "I'm I gonna be your first and last kiss?" he asked. Being his stupid self once more. "Fool, either way could we try again? I feel more confident." I said to him. He grinned and started kissing my neck. At first it was kinda ticklish but when he got into it. My Lord. I had butterflies in my stomach and my heart rate increased. "Rah your pulse..." he said to me. I actually couldn't reply. He brought his lips to mine but bit my lower lip and winked. I smiled, well, tried to. It was the weirdest feeling ever. It felt so right. Then he stopped again. He didn't even kiss me properly! "Why'd you do that for?" I asked him kinda pissed off. "Did I hurt you?" he asked. "Jayden we kissed, you didn't put a gun to my head." "Do you feel like I forced you into it? Maybe you wanted your first kiss to be someone else..." "Jayden, fuck you! Now your making me feel like a prick, no you didn't hurt me, and-." Nuttie came in bare grinning. Lucky we looked like we had been talking. "So what's popping?" "Nuffin, I was just telling Jayden I'm going home." I said screwing Jayden. I couldn't read his face. "Sorry love I can't take you..." he said to. "It doesn't matter, I'll go by myself." "Er nah! Jayden's taking you." "Nah I can go by myself." I said to him. "No Jayden's taking you" he said. I decided not to argue. "Bye PRICK" I said to Nuttie. He laughed. "You love me really alie." "Yes but now. You're a prick." He laughed and hugged me. I walked downstairs and opened the door. Shit it was cold. Then I clocked, I weren't wearing a coat. I went to get it. I turned to see Jayden staring at me. I moved past him and coat it. He was waiting outside. I started walking. "Come with me a second. I need to pick suttin up." He said. I didn't reply and followed him. We walked for some time and he went into the blocks. I weren't going in. "Come man!" he said. I walked and I buckled and he caught me before I fell. "Thanks." "Its cool." He said to me. We walked for 2floors and he still finally stopped infront of a door. He had the keys for it. We walked in. "What the fuck is this?" I asked. "My yard." "What?" "Don't laugh or freak out or nuttin, and don't get onto Nutie but a couple of us chipped in, and bought a house, well a flat." "What are you people?" I asked. He laughed 'How many of you chipped in?" I asked. "About 200manz." "THAT'S A FUCKING ARMY. Jayden you know 200people?" I asked. Well I weren't surprised but still... "Nah, I'm gassing, lol." He said laughing. "My older's yard. He's in pen for a bit, so I come here to jam when I'm pissed off or need to be by myself." "How many people know?" I asked. "No one..." "Not even Nuttie?" I asked. "Yeh course he knows man! Only him and Kyan." "Oh..." I said. We went in and he was like "make yourself at home."

"Wait a second." I said. "Can I borrow your phone?" I asked him. He handed it to me and I called Chanel. I walked out of the room and found somewhere were Jayden wouldn't hear me. "Yes Jai?" "Chan please make up a lie for me please...I'm gonna come home bare late." I said to her. "Who you with?" "Jayden." "Ohhh, I see I see, be safe, use a condom" "Chan, we kissed" "Serious?" "Yeah..." "And how do you feel about it?" she asked me. "He's so dumb man! He keeps saying 'I don't want to hurt you.' I'm gonna beat him up" "Go and talk to him, tell me more at home yeh? Cuz like Kyan's kinda in our house." "ERRRR, No don't you dare. BYE" She laughed and locked off. I walked out to where we were before. He was sitting down going on his other phone. He saw me walk in. "I'm with someone, when I'm done I'll holla at you yeh?" The person musta said suttin. "yeh, nahh, she aint a jezzy. Definitely not" He locked off and we were staring at eachother. He spoke. "Jai, I don't want you to feel like a dickhead or nuttin, its just that I don't wanna hurt you cuz you mean so much to me and don't get pissed off when I say this, but I see you as fragile and you've been thru enough shit, and you don't need me to fuck up your life..." "Your not going to that's the thing!" "But I think I'm going to that's that thing." He looked at me for a long time then out of no where; I was backed up against a wall with his lips on mine. Shit! That shoulda been our first kiss. He was all over me holding me close to him. I returned the favour. I made up my mind and I decided to do it anyway. He meant a lot. I got hold off his jacket and took it off. "Jai what you doing?" he asked confused. "What does it look like?" I asked. "But, it aint right" "Said who?" I asked. Kissing him again. "You want me alie?" "Yeah but not like..." "Shhh...show me the bedroom" I said smiling. He looked dumb struck but took me there anyway. It weren't the way I imagined losing my virginity but still, I had to do it. "Jai I dunno." "So your turfing me yeh?" I said. I knew it was badmind of me to be using my insecurities to get what I wanted but I needed him. I was done with the shyness. "Nah, I just don't wanna hurt you man!" "Well, you keep talking and what you keep saying is bordering hurting me." I said to him. He pushed me onto the bed and got on top of me. I started taking off my uniform. His phone went off and he turned it off and groaned. "Jai please, don't do this." he pleaded. "Shh, I'm sure and I'm ready shh, make me happy" I said to him. He finally got naked and I couldn't help but admire his body and I was also, scared. SHITLESS. He was on to of me and I was still in my panties and bra whilst he was naked. He smiled. "You sure?" "YES I AM." I said kissing his cheek. I took off my bra whilst he reached down and took off my panties. It was soo silent, but I liked it. He started fingering me and it hurt a bit. But it was nothing I couldn't handle. It started feeling good. "Uhhhh." I moaned. "Ah your so sexy" he whispered directly in my ear. He took out his finger and settled on top of me properly. I spread my legs wider and looked at his blue eyes. My days! Our fingers entwined, eyes met and time stopped. "I dunno what love is yeh, but I love you" he said. I laughed. "I LOVE YOU TOO...MORE THAN YOU'LL EVER KNOW." And I'm sorry for breaking your heart. I thought to myself. I felt his dick. "Oh" I gasped. I got even more scared. "Are you sure it wont kill me?" I asked. "It?" he asked. "Your ermm..." He started laughing and kissed my lips. "Your are FUNNY!" "I'm scared." "Do you want me to stop?" "Noo..." "Ah shit hol up!" he said getting off me. He went through his trousers looking for something. He went into his pouch now and pulled out a condom. "Nice thinking" He came on top of me again and I felt warm all over again. "DO IT" I commanded. I felt him slowly enter me. "Ahhhh." I groaned in pain. It really hurt. "Should-I-stop?" he asked in between breaths. I knew he was gassing cuz where he was now he couldn't and wouldn't stop for shit. The pain was nothing I couldn't bear. I thought it would have been more painful. It was, but bearable.

"OmyGod." I gasped. His dick was going bigger inside me...it felt amazing. He bit my lower lip. I wrapped my legs around him and smiled. He grinned back. Awww...he was soo cute. He started moving. "Uh omygosh Jayden!" I moaned. He continued to look into my eyes. Ah shit! Eventually the feeling was too much and I got lost in pleasure. I didn't even recognise my voice telling him to go harder. "Ahh fuck, your so fuckin tite!" he said. I took that as a compliment cah he was working faster after he said that. Obviously at the time I was inexperienced and didn't understand what an orgasm was. I didn't even clock I was cumin. Hard times! "Ohhhhh, Arrr Jayden" I said against his ear. We were generating so much heat it was unbelievable. I clocked he was about to buss cah he was going faster, saying my name and saying how much he was feeling me... "AH SHIT JAI OMYGOSH," He said afterwards. "Did I do something wrong?" I asked. "Nah, swear down everything was right." He took the condom off his dick and dashed it in the bin. "Do you wanna go home now?" he asked me. "Nah," I said still tryna get my breath back. "I'll wait a couple more minutes." I replied bare grinning. He looked at me and groaned. "AH shit." He said. I looked aswell. "Did I hurt you?" he asked. THIS FUCKIN BOY! "Jayden, just cuz there's blood there doesn't mean you raped me. Sex has been happening for millions of years. Even the fuckin dinosaurs fucked man! Do you think the t-rex told his wifey? Did I hurt you?" I asked. He started laughing and I got embarrassed because I had strayed off topic big time. "T-REX?" He asked laughing harder. "Leave me." I said folding my arms and pouting. "Awww sorry." He said coming onto the bed again. Bear in mind we were naked at the time. "Leave me." I said pouting harder. Poking out my bottom lip the furthest it could go. He tugged onto it with his teeth. I tried to pretend he weren't having an effect on me, but he was. "Gellof me." I told him. Rubbing my pussy at the same time. "What's wrong there?" he asked referring to what I was doing. "Stings, hurts I feel worn out down there." He started laughing. "Sorry." He said. "Erm, I aint had sex with anyone else but your really big Jayden. Then when you were there you went bigger." He laughed and went red. "Awww your embarrassed." I said. Kissing his cheek. "Nah not even" "Liar!" "Nope not lying..." he replied sticking out his tongue. "Throw me my clothes" I said to him whilst he got dressed. "No come get it." "no." I replied. "But I just saw everything doh Jai man!" "Do you wanna see everything again?" I asked him. "Yesss!" "Then set me my fucking clothes." He laughed harder and passed me my clothes. I needed to go home and bath! I got dressed and was facing the mirror tryna get everything back to where it was before. He hugged me from behind. "I hope you don't regret it." He said. "I don't and never will Jayden." "Lemme drop you off! I wish you could stay over at mine." He said. "Same" I replied back honestly. I wanted to be with him every second of every minute. He had found his way into my heart. He dropped me off and smiled when he reached my door. Kyan's car was outside so I let him in. They were in my living room watching football. Chanel? Football? Something was wrong in the heavens. I said hi to them and me and Jayden went upstairs. Chanel grinned at me and winked. I cut my eyes at her but laughed regardless. "I need to shower quickly." I said to him. "Itee. I'ma be right her waiting." He said to me. Aww he was soo cute. I had a quick shower and came into my room to get dressed. "Get out." I told him. "Ah why man?" "Cuz I want some privacy." "Ok." He replied and walked out. I got dressed and let him in my room again. "I had some weird dream yesterday" he announced. He was sitting on my bed and I was lying on him. "Isit? About what?" I asked. "You." "Ohh, what was it about." "You were going somewhere and I tried to pull you back but you wouldn't let me and then I woke up man!" "Whoa!" "yeh that was my reaction aswell." We both kinda laughed it off. He started playing with my hair. At first it felt weird but then, I found it relaxing. In a random way. "What you doing Saturday?" he asked. "Going to see Gino" I said. "Who's Gino" "A breh I made friends with." "Oh skeen. Be careful" he said. "Aren't you gonna go mad and be like 'WHO THE FUCK IS GINO?'". I said to him. "Nah, why should I? I trust you to do what ever and anyway I don't own you yet." He said. I turned my head and saw him grinning. "FOOL" "Bitch." "Punk" "Punk" I said back. "But I already said dat doh!" he said. "Ok lets start again. Lemme go first." "Ok." "Bitch." "Fool." "Prick." "Cunt." "Dick" "Pussy." He said and licked his lips. "IDIOT!" "Dickhead." "But I said dick Jayden your disqualified." "No fuck that! You said dick. Me saying dickhead changes the whole context of the word." "THAT'S STILL CHEATING" I said. "No, you're a sore loser." "I didn't even loose?" "So why you complaining?" He asked. By now I was up and sitting on my bed arguing with him. "Ar shallap" he said kissing me. I pushed him off. "If you want it say you lost." I said to him. "I lost" he said grinning. "No with more conviction!" I said. "I lost to Khal-." He caught my screw and stopped. "THAT KILLED IT!" I said. He laughed. "I'm sorry man." He said lying down and putting me on top of him. "PRICK" I said whilst playing with his hair this time round. He laughed. "DICKHEAD" I said again looking into his eyes. He laughed harder. He was pissing me off and I bit him. "Fuck man! Why you do that for?" "Cuz you kept on laughing at me." I pouted. "Awww sorry" he replied. Pressing my body closer on his like it weren't that close already. I didn't expect him to turn me over and start kissing and biting on my neck. "Noooooo. Please." I begged tryna get him off me. He laughed and continued. I pulled his hair and he stopped. He sulked like a baby. "No fair!" "Life's a bitch" I replied. We both randomly started laughing.

"What can you do?" he asked me. "Huh?" "Like suttin random that most people can't do." "Erm, splits? Is that normal?" I asked. "Nah do it please." I did. "Woi! Ouch! Rahhh...errrr" he said. I started laughing. "MY DICK WOULD RIP OFF." He said. "Buh them bally people do it!" I said. "Thanks some fucked up shit right there!" I laughed. It was time for him to go and I hugged him. "Take care yeh?" "Yupp." I replied. He kissed my cheek and walked out. I looked out of my window. "JAYDEN!" I called. He looked up. I gave him my middle finger and smirked. He started laughing. "BYE big brother!" I shouted Kyan. "Bye lil sis. Stay safe" "I ALWAYS DO." I shouted. He looked at Jayden then at me then laughed. I screwed. They got in the car and drove off. Chanel stormed into my room. "YOU FUCKED JAYDEN INNIT." "Yeah." "I knew it! You smelt of sex man." "Ha-ha...thanks a lot." "Do you regret it?" "Nope." "So was his dick like his brothers?" she asked. "Chanel! You're my older sister." "Exactly why I have to know." "Yeah it was big!" I said. She laughed. "Damn that family is suttin else." She said. We both sat there in silence thinking our different thoughts...the day ended. Valentines Day. I was out with Gino because Jayden and Nuttie had gone to visit Jayden's gran in Manchester. I didn't mind. We went to Cubbz yard. I smiled cuz I was dressed to kill. I had to make sure my mum and dad weren't in when I got dressed doh! Gino pressed the door bell. Cubbz opened the door eyeing me up. I could tell he wanted me but hated me cah I didn't want him. I still hadn't heard from Nia or Jasper. I went in and screwed him. Gino was laughing. There was noise coming from the kitchen this time. We followed Cubbz. They all stared at me. "Is that Jai yeh?" Static asked licking his lips and winking. No-one else saw. I smiled at him. "Na, its my ghost." I replied. "Still rude" "Still full of himself" all the boys laughed. I got settled in and was talked to Gino about bullshit when they decided to get high. I went out of the room and walked upstairs. I knew he would follow me. "Oi," he said. I turned around. "Come in here." He said. I followed him into his bedroom and I sat on the bed. "YOU LOOK SEXY YOU KNOW." "I know I look sexy" I replied. "Fuck your fuckin rude." "And?" "Hmmm, I like a rude girl" "I LOVE A PEDO." I replied. He laughed. "SWEAR DOWN I CANT WAIT TILL I FUCK YOU." He said. "2years time" I smiled. He came on the bed and got ontop on me. I was happy. Everything was going to plan. He started kissing me and kissed him back. Lord Help Me. I had no experience at it but I gave it a go. I reached for his dick inside his pants and started rubbing it. I felt him going hard. At first I got scared because it just got bigger and bigger. I couldn't back down now. Or could I? I had to remind myself. This was for Marcus. I bit his lower lip...shit he was turning me on...I didn't expect that. His fingers got into my jeans and into my panties. "Uhh yeaa..." I moaned whilst he fingered me. By knew I knew what was about to happen. My body stilled as I moaned in pleasure. He grinned at me. And I grinned back and got off him. He looked confused. GOOD. "I'm going downstairs now." I said to him. "YOU'RE A BAD GIRL" he replied. I went downstairs and Gino looked at me questioningly. I nodded and he smiled. Phase one was in place. Let's bring on phase 2. We had broken up for some quick holiday and I didn't do anything. I wanted to go back to school. I began to avoid Jayden. He would call and I would busy him. I didn't want him to get involved. I didn't wanna hurt him. But I knew I was but I couldn't tell him...he would flip. I just couldn't Nuttie aswell! Ah poor Nuttie. I called Gino. "I feel like such a traitor." "Tell them then! You trust them don't you." "I don't want them involved doh!" "Then theres nothing you can do is there?" "No there isn't." "Gosh just tell them!" "NO I WONT. IT'S MY OWN BATTLE I CAN DO IT MY FUCKIN SELF." "Ite kl" "Sorry for shouting" "Its kl" "Bye." "Safe. Bell me when your ready for phase 2" "Soon" I said and locked off. I went back to school and Nuttie looked at me confused. I looked away ashamed of myself. "What's going on between you two?" Nuttie asked. "Nothing" I lied. "Hmm skeen, you best go talk to him then!" I stayed where I was. "NOW!" Nuttie shouted scaring me. He started laughing. I screwed him and went to talk to him. "What you playing at?" he asked. "Nothing." "It must be something because I call you and you busy me, your happy one minute then you just switch off. What did I do? I'm sorry if I hurt!" I started crying. "Its not you its me!" I honestly said to him. "Okay," he said. I smiled and hugged me. "Jai?"

"Yes?" "Would you do a ting with me?" he asked. I froze. "Sorry Jayden I can't." I said and run off crying. What the fuck. I walked into form class and he screw me and kissed his teeth. I tried not to cry. Nuttie looked like he wanted to rip my head off. "What you doing?" he asked me. I just cried and he hugged me. "I'm here for you you can tell me whatever Jai." "Nuttie I-I cant." "What you mean you can't?" he asked. "Your gonna hate me." I said to him. "No I'll never hate you." "Yes you will..." "Ite when your ready to tell me I'm here!" he said. I hugged him tighter and glanced at Jayden. He looked like he wanted to kill me.

I walked to English by myself. My phone vibrated. I got a text. I took out my phone and read it. I like how you played me Its nuffin doh innih...you had me thinking you were different! Obviously you don't understand the way I feel like a prick right now! You took me for a dickhead! Why make me take your v when your not on it? So all that I love you shit was just SHIT alie? I see how you stay! Cant believe I'm PISSED OFF over a chick Your all the same. Fuck, and I still feel you. I cried. February was supposed to be the month of love. I was feeling hate. I got another text. Static. Cum link man soon yeaa? I wanna continue where you left off Fuck this you're a yunga shit! Holla back!

At least something was working. March? What was March saying? March 2006. I was sleeping when my phone went off. I didn't even look at the caller I.D. and picked up. "Hello?" I asked groggily into the phone. "Don't you dare lock off." Jayden said. I was now wide awake. Scared. "I'm sorry" I said into the phone. "Open your front door in 15mins." He said. "But my parents are here." "No their not. I've checked with Chanel." "Whatever." He kissed his teeth and locked off. I got out of bed and brushed my teeth and went to have a quick shower. I was about to get dressed when my door bell rang. I run downstairs with my towel still on and opened the door. He smiled at me. O Fuck! I was being so mean to him and he was being so nice. I let him in and I run back upstairs cuz I was cold! I heard my front door close. I went in my room picked up my stuff and went into the bathroom to get changed. I was nervous as hell wondering the hell he was going to do. I came back and he was standing in my room just looking about. I sat on my bed and looked at him. He looked so innocent and cute. Awww. He had a lil durag on head and his hair was everywhere. He was so amazing but his blue eyes did not look happy. "Tell me why you've been acting up with me." he said. I didn't reply. "Jai?" he asked. I didn't reply. I felt like shit therefore, as I always do, I started crying my eyes out. Being the nice person he is, he came and comforted me. "I'm so sorry Jayden" "Its cool...calm down first yea? Then we can talk. I didn't mean to make you cry" I cried harder. I didn't need him saying things like that! He was just messing everything up. I was trying my best to leave him alone. Not let him get caught up in this but he weren't moving anywhere. I eventually calmed down and when I did, we were jammin in my bed with my head on his chest listening to his steady heart beat. "So you gonna tell me wots up?" he asked. "No" I said simply. "So you don't wanna be with me?" "I do! I really do its

just..." "Just what? Cah your saying all of this and your not giving me any reasons. Jai cum on, don't you trust me?" "I DO!" "Then what's stopping you from telling me." "I dunno...I trust you...its just I'm scared." "Is any one threatening you suttin?" "Nah, nah, nuthin like that J." I said. "Hmm...so I wanna noe, why did you allow me to have sex with you?" "Cuz...cuz I wanted you to be my first." "Why?" "Cuz I told you..." "Tell me again." "I love you." "You do?" "Yes." "So why wont you go out with me." "It's complicated." "Okay, fuck that then..." when he said then I was expecting him to storm out of my room. He remained where he was. "Now explain to me why I've been hearing you've been jammin with Cubbz and his boys." I froze. "W-What?" "Go on..." "I've been jammin with Gino." I replied. "Ite, Jai don't lie to me yeh?" "Okay..." "Why didn't you tell me that prick, is Gino's cousin?" he asked. That prick was Jasper. "I didn't think you would want to know..." I said. But real talk, I didn't think he would want to know. "Hmmm..." I had to ask. "Who told you?" "Doesn't matter, just know I find out EVERYTHING so don't try keep secrets from me." "Sorry." "Has Static tried moving to you?" he asked. "Nah..." I lied. "You can't lie for shit." His heart started beating faster. He went mad. "HE FUCKIN HAS INNIH! FUCKIN PEDO arghhh!" Before I could reply, he took out his phone and called someone. I was really scared now. "Come Jai's NOW" he said into the phone. "Na, FUCKIN STATIC TRIED MOVE TO HER!" he said into the phone. About 15minutes later Nuttie showed up. Fuck. Everything was going in circles. I decided to tell the truth. At least then they wouldn't disown me. "YOU BETTER TELL ME WHATS GOING ON BEFORE I FIND OUT FROM THE HORSES MOUTH!" Nuttie said, well shouted. I was watching them both with tears in my eyes. "Why you crying?" he asked softly. "Cuz you're shouting at me." He sighed. "I'm sorry." I didn't reply. "What did he do? Did he touch you?" "No." I said a bit too quickly. I hated the fact that they could read me like a book. "HE HAS INNIH!! HE FUCKING HAS." Nuttie shouted. Jayden looked so angry. Nuttie took out his phone and made to call someone. "What you doing?" I asked. "Calling someone..." "Please don't." "Then tell me exactly what happened between you two." "DID HE FUCK YOU?" Jayden asked quietly but gosh! The power behind that question nearly knocked me off my feet. "No." I replied. "So when he touched you what exactly did he do." I tried to hide the shame on my face by turning around. "O MY GOD, JAI PLEASE TELL ME WHAT I'M THINKING IS WRONG PLEASE..." Nuttie said with disbelief in his voice. I didn't reply. "DID HE FINGER YOU JAI?" I didn't reply and just closed my eyes. "Khalifah Trinity Jai Jacobs...did he fucking finger you?" My silence said everything. A couple of things happened after that. Jayden walked out pissed off. Nuttie took out his phone and called someone then looked at me with disgust in his eyes. "I can't believe you let him touch you! Jai what's gotten into you? Why?" he asked looking at me... I silently cried. Feels like shit when you work hard to hide something and it crumbles before your face. He tried to sit next to me and I moved. "Jai I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you feel like shit" he said. "See! Stop being nice to me! I don't deserve it!" "See! I can't cuz your like a sister to me...I can't let any FUCKING body fuck with you! You don't seem to understand that!" I cried harder. Fuck it. I just told him EVERYTHING AND HE WENT EVEN MADDER. "YOU WHAT?" He asked in shock. "I thought maybe..." "You thought what? You coulda gotten yourself killed. Why didn't you tell me?" "Cuz I knew you would REACT LIKE THIS!" I said to him. "JAYDEN COME UP HERE NOW!!!!!" he shouted. I heard footsteps coming up. He came in with no expression on his face. I was so darn scared. Nuttie told him and he turned red with anger. I was so scared! You could literally cut the tension with a knife. "YOU WHAT?" "If he had sex with me, I would be a younger and report it as rape, then he would go prison" I said. "And this GINO DUDE KNEW THIS?" "Yea." "IM GONNA FUCKING KILL HIM" Nuttie replied. I didn't say anything they all looked so angry. They all took out their phones. Nuttie walked out. Jayden stayed. "So is this why you've been avoiding me?" he asked. I nodded. "O fuck! Jai I'm so sorry" I didn't understand why they weren't blaming me for anything. They made it seem like they had done something wrong. When they hadn't. "WHY YOU ALL BEING SO NICE TO ME?" "Because we love you" he said plainly. 15minutes later, they got out of my house and Kyan came, spoke to me about Static and drove off. Chanel found out and went mad. She was cussing STATIC and not me. Why? I WAS 14 YEARS OF AGE AND KNEW EXACTLY WHAT I WAS DOING!!!! "I SWEAR TO GOD IF I SEE THAT PRICK IM GONNA FUCK HIM UP" Chanel shouted. "WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS? LAYING HIS FINGER ON YOU?" She screamed again. I just sat there staring into space. My phone went off. It was Jayden. "Hello?" I said into the phone. "Jai, you Alrite?" he asked. "Yeah, where are you Jayden? I'm worried." I heard a lot of noise in the background. "I'm fine don't worry. I love you yeh?" he said. Sounding almost like he was asking himself. "I love you too Jayden, please come back to my house." "OI PRICK YOU THINK YOUR BAD? BRING IT." I heard someone say. The voice was familiar. It was Cubbz! Fuck, it was Cubbz. "Jayden what's going on?" "Don't wor--." I heard the *BANG* of a gun and the line went dead. I called back crying. It rang and rang and went to voicemail.

I called Nuttie, he didn't pick up either. I tried calling everyone no-one picked up. Chanel tried Kyan and his phone was off aswell. She went out to look for him as I stayed home, crying my eyes out. Wondering what the hell I had started. IT WAS ALL BECAUSE OF MY SELFISH NEEDS!!!! I looked at the time. 6o'clock. with nothing to do, I turned on my TV as always, it was on BBC1. I muted it. I was watching the news not really listening. A red alert flashing on the screen caught my attention. I unmuted it and saw my nearest park... There were feds everywhere and the place was cautioned off. "At approximately 5:14, it is believed that there was a shoot out between two gangs, blood was retracted at the scene but no body or suspect has been found... I'll keep you up to date with any more news. Over to you Ken" My jaw dropped, heart race quickened. I wore my shoes took my keys and run out of my house headed to Jayden's. I had to take a bus and it seemed like ages! I finally got there and heard shouting. I knocked on the door and his mum opened. She looked like she was crying. "Hello Jai. Come in he's upstairs." She said with more tears in her eyes. "Are you okay?" I asked. "Yeah, fine, go on upstairs, don't worry your lil head." I run up the stairs in to Jayden's room. He was packing and Nuttie was talking to him. I stormed in the room and they both looked at me. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" I asked in shock. Nuttie sighed. "He's moving." Nuttie said plainly. "He's what?" "We're both moving." He said in silence. "I DON'T CARE, PLEASE WHAT HAPPENED?" I asked. Nuttie answered. "We called Cubbz, he came with his boys, Kyan saw Static and they started fighting, someone let off a shot, Cubbz got it in the leg, scrapped Jayden," I run to hug Jayden. I started bawling again. "Don't cry" "Why? Its all my fault! Its all my fault" "Its cool man, see I aint dead." Then suttin registered in my head. "MOVING TO WHERE?" I asked. They looked at each other in silence. "Erm, across the Atlantic..." "Nah nah, sorry what?" I asked. "We're moving to live in New York." Did Nuttie just say NEW YORK? Nah, I was hallucinating. "Sorry I thought I heard you say New York" "I did." "Why?" I asked trying to remain calm. "When it scrapped Jayden, we run back cuz he had bare blood on him cuz of Cubbz, buh his mum was on lunch break, saw the strap, and belled my mum and now we're leaving right now!" "But you can't." "Trust, I'm trying to bell my dad, buh he aint picking up." Nuttie said. Jayden looked pissed off. "All because of me...I'm some curse...everyone I love goes away." "Nah its our fault, we shouldn't have been so dumb!" Jayden said sounding angry. I was hugging him tightly crying. There was a knock on his door. We all turned to see his mum. "Jayden, I'm really sorry baby, but I just cant deal with this anymore! do you have any idea how I've been feeling the last couple of months? Everytime you go out, I'm scared your gonna be hurt. I can't do this. Everytime the phone rings I think its about you! I cant. Kyan is old enough to take care of himself but you, you're my baby! I cant loose you Jayden, that's why I'm doing this..." she said crying her eyes out. "Its not that I hate you. I would never want to take you away from your friends, Nathaniel you have to understand aswell." She said still crying. "You have 2hours before your dad takes you to the airport, please this is for your own sake, don't hate me." She said and slowly closed the door. "ARGGGHHHH" Jayden picked up his laptop and smashed it against his wall. He was ANGRY. He phone went in the same direction. He didn't speak. I was standing in the middle now, watching them both. "I'm never gonna forget you" I said quietly to them both. "Hmmm...gimme a month, ima force it so I come back! Don't worry ye? Say it's a lil holiday!" Jayden said. I wanted to believe him. I really did. But I just couldn't. I hadn't come to terms with it yet so I was still calm, I knew the depression would set in soon enough. 2hours later. I watched the car drive off in shock. UTTER SHOCK. I cried with Jayden's mum. He didn't even look at her. "He hates me now! What have I done to him?" she said. I couldn't reply. HOW COULD I? I went home Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Monday came again. I quit school. Stayed at home in my room. Looking at the picture of me, Nuttie and Jayden. Static had tried calling me. I turned of my phone, split my sim in half. I didn't want to talk to ANYONE. I cried morning, afternoon and evening. It was like someone had died. Nuttie and Jayden were gone. Forever? Kyan had heard from them and he said they were still pissed. I spoke to Nuttie, cah Jayden was STILL pissed off at him mum and couldn't bring himself to talk. "I miss you Nut!" "Yeah, I miss you too." "So when you coming back?" I asked. Stupid question after they just got there. "I don't know!" "You having fun on your HOLIDAY?" I said, tryna make myself believe it also. "Yea, bare peng tingz bruv! The ladies love this accent! Some peng Puerto Rican went mad on me fam!" I laughed. "Glad your having fun." I said. "Still missing

you big'ed " "Your heads bigger doh Nut!" "Fuck you!" "Pussy" "Headchick" "Prickstick" "Dickhead." "Fuck you" I said. "Buh I already said fuck you you prick!" he said. "O yeh! NUT I MISSSS You!" "Same" "It's all my fault" "No its not, I shoulda seen it coming! We shuda been more sympathetic towards your feelings" This conversation about who's fault it was lasted for hours. I finally locked off. The next day, last week of March there was a knock on my door. "Come in." I said. It was Chanel, my mum and dad. "Get up and get dressed we're going shopping." "Can you afford it?" I asked. I dropped it harshly. They pretended I hadn't said that. "Move it, we're going to buy you a new uniform, and you're moving schools." I tried to hide my smile. "TO WHERE?" I asked. "The school down the road." "THE GIRLS SCHOOL?" My mum nodded. "No." I said plainly. "I told you." Chanel said. "Can I say mine?" my dad asked. I nodded. "Get your clothes on." "Why?" I asked. "Cuz your moving schools." "How exciting." I said plainly. "You're going to INT." "The school that wear the grey and black skirt." "Oh, okay." I said. "You got accepted to 5 different secondary schools." I weren't surprised because my grades were excellent. 2days later. Thursday my first day in my new school. I had started from scratch. No Jayden No Nuttie. No Nia. I missed them. I need to focus with MY life now. I said trying to reassure myself. New you Khalifah Trinity Jai Jacobs! I said looking in the mirror. "Be good" Chanel said kissing me on the cheek. "Hmph, Chanel I don't give a shit anymore to be honest" I said to her. "Please do! Because you know if Marcus was here..." "Yeah yeah, I know!" I said back. "Cuz you're going thru this shit I'll allow you yeh! But I swear if you talk to be like that again I'll beat the shit out of you." "Sorry Chan! It's just all this pressure and depression!" I said. "It's itee." She said. "Love you." "Love you too Kally." She said. I screwed and we both laughed. I arrived on time. My mum was holding me close like I was her precious doll. "If it gets too rough I hope you can call me..." she said. I nodded. She made me laugh. I went into my head of year's office. He was a really nice guy. Always smiling but his face was always red! "Hello Jai, I'm Mr. Robertson! I hope you enjoy your time here at INT." he said. I smiled. "Let me introduce you to your form class." I followed him. WAIT! Why was I feeling nervous all of a sudden? He clocked. "Don't be nervous. They are a really nice bunch!" I nodded. I walked through a long corridor. He knocked on a door and entered. I was told to wait outside. A few seconds later he came back smiling. "Come in now Jai." I hesitated and went in. The class went silent as I entered. All eyes were on me! "Class this is Jai." They all stared at me. My eyes were on the floor. Maybe I should have stayed at my old school. At least I knew the people. Even if they hated me. "Wag1 Jai, I'm Mario" someone said. The class laughed. "Mario!" the teacher warned. "See, I'm being friendly!" he said back. "Well then you can show her about!" LUCKILY, the subjects I had picked were the same area they were studying so I didn't miss anything or know too much! I was happy. Everyone looked at me and it got annoying. I held my tongue. School was over. They were OKAY people. But it was just a matter of time until people started showing their true colours

THE LAST DAY OF MARCH. I got the worst news in the world. Dad had found a new job. He wanted to move. Mum didn't. He left the house...he decided that Manchester was better than us. For that I hated him. But I didn't blame him. The police came to our house on the same day. Giving us some DEAD news. They had found "fingerprints" at the shoot out that matched the one on the gun that killed Marcus. GREAT. Now they had to find the killer. "Maybe another 10years will do you good" my mum had said and slammed the door in their sorry faces. PRICKS!

I thought about April. I had lost my EVERYTHINGS in March...missed them but nothing I could do could bring them back. I had to try and move on. I could do it. Forget the past? Look forward to the future. Atleast I weren't dead. Little did I know, that around the corner, my past was waiting to catch up to me and it weren't going to be pretty. Just how many people had I upset in that past of mine? April 2006 "Oi!" I heard as I was coming back from school. "Oi Jai, I know you fuckin hear me come here man!" it was Cubbz. I walked faster. He caught up to me. "Bruv where's your man." He asked. I looked at him in disgust. "Fuck off and leave me alone" I replied. He dragged me back. "Let go off me." "Where the fuck is he?" "I DON'T FUCKING KNOW" "Liar." He replied and slapped me HARD. "Oi! Move from her!" I heard someone say. Cubbz walked off, well slightly limped. The prick shuda got killed. "You okay?" the mystery breh asked. I nodded. "Yea, safe for that" "It's cool...what did you do to him?" he asked. I shrugged. "Thank you." I said and started to walk off. "Where you heading?" "Home" I said. "Lemme give you a lift" "Nah I'm okay" "You sure?" he asked. I nodded. "See you around..." "Jai" I said. "See you around Jai." "Bye..." "Darnell" "Bye Darnell" he got in his car and drove off. I was so pissed off. Stupid boy Cubbz. I got home, no-one was in as usual, I did my homework and went to the park to get some fresh air. I was walking when. "Jai!!!!" O SHIT. I could recognise that voice, anywhere. I took a deep breathe and put on a fake smile. "Martin!!!" "It's been years..." "It has hasn't it." "Where are you going?" "To my nan's house" I lied. "Oh, well then, gimme your number then, because I lost yours" "I lost yours too!" I lied. "But I dunno my new number and I aint got my phone on me." "Do you still live next to Creeper?" "Nah, the council is jarring, we're moving to Ireland in about a week" I lied. "Fucked. Anyway, have to kick, got tingz to shott, mandem to rob" "Yea" I nodded. "Peace" he said. "Bye." I took a deep breath. Nuttie needed to come back! I was scared as fuck... Arghhhh! I was gonna be dragged in this again. I walked into the park, occasionally looking behind me. I decided to go to the shop. I was walking when I heard that "beep beep" of a car. I looked and saw I had walked right infront of it without realising. I just continued walking. "Jai!" I turned around. It was Darnell. "You sure you okay babe? I nearly run you over back there." "Yeaa, sorry, I'm just-my minds just all over the place...a lot to think about"

"Hmm, I can tell." I continued to walk on and he walked with me. "Haven't you got somewhere to go?" I asked. Not rudely doh! " Nah not really, plus, I'm tryna make sure you don't get killed today" I laughed. "Thank you for looking out." We got to talking and swapped numbers. He was a really nice person. 1000times better than Static. He went back to his car and I went off home. Chanel was home. "What's up with you?" "Nuffin" "Oi, Khalifah come back here now!" I went back to the living room. "Yes." "Sit" I sat down. "What's going on with you?" she asked. I told her. "If you see him again, call the fedz yu hear? Call Kyan call ANYONE do you understand what I'm saying?" I nodded. "How did he see you?" she asked. "I was going shop, when he called my name" "Does he know where we live?" she asked. "No, so we don't have to move again don't worry" "Pshh, about don't worry, I can't believe it!" "Err, you think I can?" "Their gonna try and get you involved again." "I know..." I said kinda scared. "You scared?" "No." "Liar, you are. I'm here for you Jai." "I know that's why I love you." "I love you too baby!" We hugged. "I need a favour bubz" "Yes Chanel..." "There's this dance thing yeh, and I'm cheographing the dance, and I'm short one person cuz there has to be 2girls and 3boys, I'm one girl, and you're the only person who can learn my moves quickly." "How quickly?" "Like a week quickly...pleaseeee" she said battering her eyes at me. "Okay! Okay!" My doorbell went off and I went to open it. "Kyaaaannn!" "Wad up baby sis?" "Nuffffinnn! How you doing?" "Okay you know, where's the wife?" he asked talking about Chanel. "In the living room" We b th went to the living room to find her tryna pretend she hadn't clocked him. I laughed. I think she was tryna screw him. "Babes I'm sorry man!" he said kissing her forehead. "No your not!" she said sitting on his lap. "I am." He said touching her. "Errrrrrrrr! Nasty I'm sooo forcing my self to bed, I hope mum and dad catch you lot" I said they both laughed and I run up the stairs. I was sitting on my bed, doing nothing when I received a text. I love you Jai Always thinking of you. Forever feelin' you boo Xxx I bit my bottom lip and cried. It was from Jayden. I cried. Every single time I tried to forget about him and move on he would just do something to make me remember him. I had started saving up money to go see him in America, I had 2bills. I re-read the text and fell asleep. I woke up to an empty house and got ready for school.

I left my house and walked to the bus stop. I felt my life had died. I got to school and was faced with t

he constant battle of people trying to move to me. I only had love for Jayden. "Yo Jai, holla at me" said Charmz. I stopped and waited. He liked me I knew. I didn't like him. He knew. But he still tried it. "What now?" "Allow me man, you aint even giving me a chance to prove myself, I aint even got your number, allow me Jai man!" "Hmm...NO!" I said and tried to walk off. "Argh! Low man" I stopped. My brain was battling It's only been a month since Jay left. But you have to move on! What if he comes back? But he won't. "Okay my number is 079..." "Safeee!" he said smiling. He was really attractive, Jamaican, had swagger even in uniform and damn, he could spit aswell. Dark skinned, nice lips, and his hair was long aswell...I saw that as a bonus. I went off to class and involved myself in the dead jokes. I had to try and move on. My last lesson was Drama and we ALWAYS had a supply cuz our teacher was epileptic and was always having a fit and Charmz was in my lesson also. I walked in and was bombarded by noise. Basically, we were in the Drama studio and it was HUGE. The teacher hadn't shown up and they clocked that if we were silent, no-one would clock we didn't have a teacher. We all remained quiet and the lights were dimmed. "Let's play a game." "Yeaaa!" everyone agreed. I walked off and put my headphones in and lay on my stomach with my eyes closed. I felt myself drifting off to sleep. I felt someone next to me. I opened my eyes to see Stephen aka Charmz staring at me. "You Alrite Jai?" I nodded. He lay next to me. "You always look down, like you don't wanna be here, everyone's tryna be nice and shit, but you always seem withdrawn." "I know, trust me I try. I seriously do but its like my life is a lil balloon, unpredictable, I dunno what each step I take will lead to, I feel alone all the time..." "Rah, you can talk to me b, not tryna sound off but you can talk to anyone here." I looked over to them, laughter in their eyes and smiles on their faces. I have to try and at least associate myself with them. "Thank you Stephen" "Its ite babes." I smiled at him and we both walked over to the rest of the group. "So Jai you playing now?" Mario asked. I nodded. "Itee cool!" he said over excited. I laughed. I had fun. School was over and I had actually allowed myself to have fun and to let people in. It felt good knowing I had someone to talk to. I walked home as I always did. As usual, no-one was home. My phone rang and it was a number... "Helloo..." I said hesitating. I didn't know who the hell it was. Neither did I have clue. "Jai?" "Yes." "Do you know who this is?" he asked. Of course I did! "Yessss!!" "Someone's excited" I laughed. "I missed you bubz!" "Missed you too man, when you gonna come and jam with us?" he asked. "Saturday?" I asked. "Yeaa, perfect!" "How you been babes?" "Fine and you?" "Cool, I like the way you left the school and changed your number, you don't even come on msn no more man." "O yer, I forgot I even had a laptop you know!" he laughed. "Jermaine?" "Ye" "How's school?" "Ahhh school blud! SHIT! Tingzz are hottin up bruv. South band is runnin shit!" "Yaaaay!" I said. "Certain man try move up since Jay and Nut left buh we had to show them the levels" I laughed. "Ahhh shit, Fuck your bredrin Silvia, fuck shit! Ha-ha, she got it!" "Baffled."

"She musta fucked one OLDERRRRRR yea, then his chick same to the school, and disgraced her, it was jokes man, everyone calls her Goldsilvia now," I laughed. "A-haa, her life boy! What about Nicole?" He started creasing down my line. "Still a sket, a peng sket, but still a sket, there was one rumour going around she had an STI blud, all the mans stopped fuckin her, she sucked me and Luke the other time." "AT ONCE?" "Nah you fish man lol, like a day after me she went to Luke" "Yuck!" "Ha-ha, you need to drop by sometime man, in History I swear the woman's got withdrawal syndrome, when we flop or cant answer she says your name, then we're bare using your work as a sample on how to get an A in an exam" "Awwww, bless her!" "Ahh yes! Before I forget, this is Nai's number, she's back in London you know!" "WHAATTTTTTTTTTT?" I asked shouting my head off. "Lool, excitement! Excitement! Yea she's back, just take her number man..." He gave it to me and I told him I would talk to him later. I dialled the number and it rang...O shit! I was scared and excited at the same time. "Hello." "Nai??????" "Jaiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "I missed you omygosh!!" We both started screaming into the phone. "Omygosh, I thought you were gone forever, your brother told me what he done to Stormzee man." "Yea, that's why I went, anyway me and him broke up. I still miss him doh! He said he couldn't be with me cah of how dangerous I be, anyway it wasn't Jasper's fault. I know that now!" "Yeaa, fuckin Cubbz watch me and him when I get brave" She laughed. "I'm soo sorry, I heard about Jay and Nut, you must be feeling like shit." "I do!!!!!!!!! Nia I'm so baffed in this world!" "Awwwww... O yer, we need to catch up." "Samee...what you doing tomorrow?" I asked. "Nothing. Come to mine! I practically live alone! OMYGOSH GOOD NEWS!!!!" "What what what?" "Jasper's coming out in November!" "Whoa! That's too long..." "I know but at least he's not staying for 5." "Fair enough..." We talked, and I told her about Jayden plus his mind blowing sex. "Woiiiiiiiiii! Is that you Jai yeaaa? Awwww, you two are still cute together..." "Hmm, after he's gonna find some American girl way prettier than me." "Shullup, he loves you, what more you want bubz?" "Hmmm, still insecure I suppose." "Don't be, your perfect" "Hmmm..." We talked for longer and I locked off. I was so excited. Some good news! I woke up the next day and didn't prepare for school because I was going to meet my bubz! I got dressed and made my way to her house. I got the bus, walked, got chirsped by an older, laughed and walked to her door. I rang the bell.

About 2mins later she opened the door smiling nuff. I laughed and walked in. We went into her room. "So whats on the agenda today!!!!" she said really excited. "Lets go erm, I dunno, lets go out man!" "Ite, cool" "Ay, Nai what's gwarnin with your mumzy doh?" "Kmt, fuckin slag, I practically live by myself, she don't care! Plus, school's jarring, bare bitches and ting. Luke and Jermaine and the rest are the shit but fuckin hell, I miss you." "I miss you too, move to my school baby!" "Serious?" "100% I'll make sure you get in. Tops 1 week..." "Serious?" "Nai man! Lol, yeeea, I got a man for you, he's called Mario, but you can find bare hubbyz there...then you can meet Charmz." "Charmz?" "He likes me...he's peng doh!" "I don't see you saying you like him back." "I don't." "Jayden" "Jayden" I concluded also. "We can't go shopping." I said. "Why?" "Motherfucker I'm broke!" I said. We both laughed. "I'll pay." She said. We disagreed for bare long and I finally gave in. We went Oxford Circus and bought a couple of things. I fell in love with the clothes in Jane Norman and we fell in love with a guy that worked in McDonalds. He was sooo hot! We kept ordering chips. He smiled at me! We stayed in McDee'z for about an hour then we left winking at him. We got back to Nai's house and had a lil dancing session. We decided she would stay over at my house whilst my dad tried to get her into my school. We were bussin joke on the bus when Stephen and his peopledem walked on the bus. "That's Stephen." I quickly whispered. "Jai! Wag1" he said. They all walked to the back and found a seat. I saw a couple of them staring at Nai. I smiled. "Nuffin, what about you?" "Nuffin, where you never come school today?" "Went shopping with my bitch" "About! You're my bitch! When I call you, you come and when I tell you to stay you stay." "Nai you chat shit!" I said. We both laughed and she sat on me. "O yeeer babez go deeper." She said. "Aint I going deeper enough bubz?" I said laughing. "Ohhhhh" all the manz were watching in amazement. She got off and we were laughing. "Erm, I beg you come show me that last move" Charmz said to her. We looked at each other and laughed. My stop. We got up and headed downstairs. "Look at them backoff's..." Randell mumbled. I clocked their stare burning into my back. I got home and it was empty as usual. We went park after we dropped her stuff off and she flew off the swing and dropped on her face. I had never laughed so hard in my life. Life was going good... "Jai, there's one shubz down Stormzee's ends..." "Isit...when?" I asked. "This Saturday." "Alritee, I supposed this is why I purchased that red dress..." "Courseee..."

Saturday came quick. Chanel was make up and Nai was hair, I was perfume... Nai finished doing my hair with Chan doing my make-up. I looked in the mirror. "Fuck, man the eye-liner look at it..." "AND?" they both said at the same time. I shook my head and laughed. At around 8o'clock, we left my yard smelling excellent and looking peng. We both had small bags on us. Which contained, phone, more perfume, lip-gloss, oyster, and socks. This was due to the fact that we were wearing heels and were planning on shocking out. Socks were needed. We got stares on the bus cuz true say we looked hot. Certain man tried and failed to move to us. Mostly Nai. I just stood back and laughed whilst she boyed it. We finally got there and it was live. It was in a house and also, as we walked in the lights were off. I was just looking about at first, slyly checking out the mandem and girls. Seeing who's got swagger etc.

Decent. I was impressed. I pulled my dress down. The ting was figure hugging and kept lifting up. Music got lively and I went to dance. I was whining on thin air when suttin ard replaced it. I whined on this person hard and felt him going hard. I did not look at his face. I continued to dance with him for time...then I turned around. I nearly vomited. "YOU!" "Err, man was dancing with you!?" he asked in shock aswell. I wanted to vomit. "You can buss a whine doh," he said smiling. "Kmt." "Jai, I beg you come we squash this beef cah it's getting stupid." "Whatever." He grabbed me back and we continued to dance, why I didn't stop him I don't know! I'm dancing with fuckin Cubbz. We SWAPPED numbers! Incredible. I told Nai as we made our way to my house. "You what?" she asked in shock. "Yeaa...I know!" "Hmm, boy, lemme not say nuttin, I hope you know what your doing babe. I love you if he hurts you, I will hurt him" We hugged and got to my house around 2. Nai immediately slept whilst I crept downstairs watching late night telly. It was so DEAD. My phone rang. It said Cubbz. I smiled. Why did I smile? "Hello?" "Wahss good babes?" he asked. "Nuffin, jammin at home watchin late night TV. you?" he laughed. "Out with the mandem in a chicken shop...and I thought lemme bell the only girl that hates me..." "Nai hates you aswell" "Ah fuck, there's 2!" He said sounding shocked. I laughed. "I'm such a nice guy aswell" I laughed harder. "I am. Aint I?" "Ermm ye, you certainly are..." I said agreeing. WHAT THE FUCK WAS I DOING? This is how it continued... on the last week of April I knew it had happened. I didn't know how but it had! Shit. I was now in Cubbz's house. No Static, he was in pen yaaay! For 6months. Even better! We were in his bed, talking...just about random shit. He started playing some tunes and was grinding to them and I tell ya, it looked fucking sexy. He grinned at me and I tried to hide my smile. He laughed and came to sit back down next to me again. "So how long have we been enemies?" "Nearly a year yu naah" I said. We both laughed. I got up to look around his room. I felt him behind me and I didn't attempt to move. What the fuck? I should have told him to move...but I liked his warmth. I backed up abit and he held me by my waist and turned me around. "I've been feeling you for quite some time now..." he said. His lips came closer to mine. I closed my eyes and felt myself kissing him. He pushed my back against the wall and continued to kiss me everywhere. He went down to my neck. He began to undress me... Why wasn't I willing to stop it? At one moment in time I wished him dead and now I was going to fuck him? I was soon naked and he took off his clothes aswell. I moaned as he squeezed my breasts. He pushed me unto the bed and dropped onto off me, all this while, he never stopped touching me. He began fingering me and I went mad and completely lost myself, I couldn't think. "Ahhh, ohhhh" I said pushing his fingers deeper. It got slightly painful but the pleasure told the pain to fuck off. He settled himself ontop of me. "Wait hol up" he said. He went thru his drawers and found a condom. He quickly whipped it on his dick he came back on top of me, kissing me still. "You ready?" I nodded. How could I talk? I watched as he slowly pushed his dick inside me. It was painful at first cuz it was my second time having sex. "Ahhhh fuck your sooo tite, almost like a virgin..." he moaned going deeper. He started off slowly at first and picked up pace. "Ahhh shit!" I screamed. We continued for quite sometime... I was laying on his chest thinking about the altercations of what I had done. What the fuck was I doing? "J?" he asked.

"Hmmm?" "You okay?" "Yea," "As I said before I'm feelin you bare" "Hmmm" "I don't want you to feel like I fucked you just to get off, it aint even that...I'm seriously on you." "Oh," was all I could say. "Can I ask a question?" "Yea" "Do you regret me and you..." he said referring to the sex. I wanted to say yes! I ready did. "No I don't" and it wasn't a lie. "Be my wife" "Okay..." "Serious?" "Hmm, I like you Cubbz..." "I like you too Jai," He led me off home and I kissed him till my bus came. I went straight to Nai's house. Confused as fuck. She opened the door and saw something was up. "What did he do?" "Nuffin" I said. She raised her eyebrows in shock. We walked into her bedroom. I didn't know how to say it. "Say it Jai." "Promise you won't go mad please." "I promise I won't go mad." "I..." "Yessss" "We had sex!" "YOUUUUUUU WHAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?" she said shouting looking like I told her I'd found the cure to AIDS. "You fucked Cubbz?" I nodded. "WHAT HAPPENED TO I HATE HIM REH TEH TEH ?" "I dunno...Nai, I like him." "You what?" "We're going out" She fell off the bed and unto the floor. I laughed then got serious again. "Lemme get this straight, your fuckin Cubbz, and you're going out with him..." "Yea...I'm confused." "Sort out our mind. I got love for you, I'll ride for you, so I aint gonna judge you cah true say you can't choose who you fall for...look at me. But watch yourself." "I know." "When Kyan and Chanel find out." "IF they find out." "Jai?" "Yes?" "You know you've just started a war." I gulped. May 2006. I found myself falling in love with him. Not the love I had for Jayden but it was close. He was just so caring and compassionate, well to me. I didn't know what it was about him. He made me laugh and wasn't boring... My phone rang. "Hello..." "Baby!" I smiled. "Hi..." "What you doing today?" he asked. "Nothing. Just at home listening to music." "Ah skeen. Come see me." "No." "Why not?" he asked. "Cuz I dunno" I said laughing. "Fool." "Okay then Cubbz!"

"Argh please man, I will even lodge the mandem for you." "Isittt?" I said sarcastically. He laughed. "I'll call you back ye?" "Hmmm." "Whats hmmm?" "I dunno, what ever you want hmmm to be" I said laughing. He laughed aswell. "OI, CUBBZ, HA-HA REPTER IS SHERMED!" I heard in the background. "Nah on a level, I'll bell you back ina bit." "Okay. Bye" "The way your rude is emotional" he said laughed and locked off. I walked about my empty house with no objective. I decided to get dressed just in case. About half an hour later, I was watching TV when my phone rang. "What?" I asked into the phone. He laughed. "Too rude! Anyway, you wanna come youth club?" he asked me. "What?" I asked. "It's kinda like a Christian thing...I mean you don't have to be Christian to go but..." "Wait, babes, your Christian?" I asked in shock. "Erm, ye..." he replied. I got happy. "Awww. Yea I wanna come" I said excited. "Ite, make your way to my house then b." "Okay then" I said and locked off. I took what I needed and went out of my house. I quickly got to his to see bare of his mandem in his house. I had NEVER ever seen his mum EVER. Or dad as I thought about it. I went in and watched him get ready. I looked in silence. Not really wanting to talk. "What's up with you?" "Nuffin" "Why you so quiet?" he asked lacing his crep. I shrugged. He came and hugged me. "You smell nice." I said to him. "Isit" "Yupp." He laughed and we went downstairs to the noise. They loved to cause unnecessary commotion. We were walking when I heard "Oi, Cubbz, I swear that's the youth you've been looking to pitch?" I looked in everyone's direction and saw Stephen. "WHAT?" I asked. "Erm, naa, not now man" he said tryna silence his boy talking, but the boy weren't getting the hint. "Come we go do him suttin now!" "No, man low it, not now" Cubbz replied and we continued walking. Luckily Stephen did not see me as he was with Mario. They both looked peng. I got pissed off. "That's my friend you want to 'pitch' you fuckin prick, you piss me off." He didn't reply and I sulked until we got there. "Allow me man, I won't do anything to him. I promise" "I don't care; you obviously prefer the roadside to me so well done." I said to him. He pulled my cheek and I tried not to smile. "I'm sorry!" he said. We walked in and there were bare heads there. Rah. It was kinda live doh, but I was still sulking. A couple of girl saw his arms wrapped around my waist and screwed. Hmmm, the drama of having a man. I went and sat down with my headphones in whilst he chatted to his manz. I didn't even wanna talk to him. He pissed me off, but still, I had the weirdest feeling of love for him. It was like I couldn't help but be around him and sometimes when I was, I wanted to be away from him. Which led Nai to the question "Why be with him in the first place?" I wished I could answer but I couldn't. I actually did feel something strong for him and couldn't bring myself to walk away. We had mixed up love with hate and now, it seemed love was winning, at times I knew I should have been plotting revenge, tryna find out who killed my brother, instead I was there with him. Feeling him, persuading myself I needed him. It was an uncontrollable hunger I had for him and I think he felt the same. To both of us, the world's OPINION was pointless, whatever they had to say was Bullshit cah we had each other. It was weird but who says relationships or love had to be perfect. I closed my eyes and leaned back listening to Kirk Franklin. I just felt really holy that day. I felt someone in front of me. I opened my eyes. He smiled at me and I couldn't help but smile back. He sat next to me holding me close. I took out my head phones. "I'm seriously tryna stop this road hype...swear down I am" "I know...and I appreciate it." He smiled. "Sorry for being a bitch" I said. "Same." "Pussio!" "Language!" "Fuck you man!" I said punching his arm. "Rah you can push a couple of bangs still," he said rubbing his arm. I smiled, content I had inflicted some pain. We led me to this place where it was like a freestyle zone ting. The manz were dropping their bars to come niceee beats. I had a ting for music and soon got involved making bare man laugh cah I clocked some of the bars and they were HARD! Chicks screwed once again. They whispered amongst themselves and laughed. "Girls are bitches yu naa" I said to him. "Yea, but why you say that?" "See them chicks over there..." I said using my eyes to locate them. He clocked them. "Ye..." "They've been screwing and watching face ever since I walked in here." "There's a reason why" he said. "Okay, explain." I said to him. "See the mixed raced one with the nose piercing?" "Uh-huh." "Yea, yer, that's my ex ting..." "Ohhhh..." I laughed. That was so petty. He's

moved on! I thought to myself. Certain girls had withdrawal syndrome. Then again, I was in that certain girl category. It was really good. He led me to this hall thingy and everyone sat. A man came out. He looked to be in his late teens and early twenties. He started speaking. "Wahhsss good ma peoples?" he asked. I laughed and so did everyone else. He was just really energetic and exciting and entertaining. "So nowadays I see a lot of youts on this road ting, this I'll shank you business and I know some of you lot here do it." Certain man avoided eye contact and I stared at Cubbz. He looked embarrassed cah nuff heads were looking at him as well. BAITED. "But lemme ask you what you define acceptable in this generation. Is it the war for territory or is it the hunger and thirst for respect? Are you a product of your environment? Who has affected your outlook on life? What has made you think that this 'hype ting' is your last resort?" He asked. The whole place was silent. "No, it's not rhetorical" he said. We all laughed. I put my hand up to answer... "Ok you there, what's your name?" "Jai." He smiled. "My daughter's called Jai" I grinned too. "Isit! Oh how nice" I said in honest appreciation. "Ite, Jai, lemme hear your answer." "I feel 'you are what you eat' meaning you'll be anything you want to be regardless of your environment, although I know it also contributes to who you are but I see these really posh children who are wild and I'm thinking, you don't live off benefits or strive to get money! Your parents get you ANYTHING you want and yet you're a badbreed. I didn't understand it at first but then I came to realise that, it's the lack of love and attention which draws us to do certain things, some people wanna be known and heard I hear that but that's just a few in a million. Nature is like that, we cant change history...no wait we can, we can choose our own fates but its like we don't want to, we see this oppression as a BIG barrier which we cant get out off..." I was interrupted by someone next to me. I screwed him. "Nah, not even, ite, I hear you but I am a product of my environment 100%. Without the 'roadside, streets' whatever you people wanna call it, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I don't like who I am and at the same time, I wouldn't want to be anyone different. Its contradictory but that's the way I feel...I will try and change, but that thing you said about your own fate and history...history is made alie...as we breathe in today history is being written, can we really change its course? Nah serious the wars and shit...if it didn't happen and ting, there wouldn't be history, nature demands people like me to not make the world perfect." He said. Everyone was silent. "Nahhh, okay, maybe it does, but you can change, its hard but like a drug your addicted to you have to walk away, say bye to your past, I'm not saying forget it but say bye to it. Your past makes up your future and without that lemme just say you'll be boring...but you can change cum'on you come everyone has a talent, it may well be hidden but its there..." I said. By now I knew this conversation was me indirectly talking to him. "Dead that...can't change for shit!" he said. "Language Omarion." "Sorry Derek" he said back. I looked at him with the widest grin. So his name was Omarion. I had tried to figure it out for ages and he wouldn't tell me. Had me guessing for long and would laugh at some of the things I said. "Wow, Jai and Omarion you make quite a pair don't you..." "I agree with Omarion" a voice said. I looked back to see his ex bare bum licking like. "You would wouldn't you..." I muttered under my breath loud enough for the peopledem around me to hear and laugh. She screwed me. Skeen. She talked and we debated this for a really long time. I left there at 7:30 and was exhausted. I went to jam at his yard. I had 2hours more till everyone came home. We were on his bed just talking about nonsense. "So if you were getting raped yeh..." "O God not this again Cubbz man!" I said to him. "For the one millionth time, I won't find myself enjoying it." "Nah but what if you do doh, what would you do pretend your in pain or enjoy it?" "I won't enjoy it!" I said laughing. He hit me with his pillow and my hair flew! "What! My hair, my nice hair, you messed it up" he got up and got a brush. I loved. "Lemme fix it" "No" "Please man." "Okay" then he started brushing my hair forward so all my hair came to my face. "Omarion stop!" "Noo, you brush forwards not backwards" he said to me and laughed. "Arr sick, I made you look like a goth" "Fool" "What?" "Nuffin" "You know to be shook" "Skeen" "What?" "I said bean" he started laughing. "Skeen, shook head." "Dickhead" I muttered again. "What?" "I said its here" I replied. He laughed harder and eventually tried to fix up my hair. He was just such a boy. "So see when you're on ur redz yea, like do you get millions of tonnes of blood flowing down? Does it hurt? Would you ever finger yourself on your redz?" he asked. "Firstly, no man! Lol, you know the blood is actually like a tea spoon." "WHAT?" he asked looking scared. I laughed. "I mean the blood dat comes out throughout your whole period is about a teaspoon, the other stuff is

waste ur body wants to get rid off...I dunno why its red doh! Maybe dats how its supposed to be. Secondly, Yes it hurts like shit, for some people they don't feel shit. And why the fuck would I stick my finger up there when shit is coming out? Do I want what's coming out to go back in?" I asked. He laughed and got on top of me. "Hmmm...your fukin sexy Jai" "Skeen." "Nah really you are" he said kissing me. I closed my eyes and let my emotions over rule my judgement. We both knew it was going down. Again. Second time we were having sex. "You sure?" he asked. I nodded and took off his top. I loved his body and the way his body worked on me. Wow. He took of my top and unclasped my bra. He began kissing me everywhere, whilst taking of the rest of my clothes. He got off I was wondering why when I watching him shut the curtains to make the room darker. He also turned off the lights. He got on me and continued where he left off. I felt his fingers in my underwear and squeezed my thighs together. "Ohhh..." I said beginning to moan. He put his finger in me and I said squirming and moaning at the pleasure. "Fuck, your soo wet." "Ohh, go deeper" "Nasty girl" he said chuckling and biting my neck. "Ohh fuck!" I screamed cumin on his fingers. He took it out and put on the condom whilst I got my breath back. He grinned and I smiled back. He got on top of me again using his arms to support his weight. I laced my fingers in his and found myself saying "I love you." He looked shocked and he slowly entered me. Still painful, but less painful that the second time. Tears came in my eyes cah it was soo amazing. He continued for some time and stopped when he buss inside the condom. I was breathing hard on his chest when he dropped it. "So if you were getting raped yeh..." "AGAIN!?" I asked in shock. "Hmmm." "Why you keep asking?" "Cuz you will enjoy it." "Why you say that?" "Cuz I've actually raped you twice" he said. "What?" "You're a minor alie...I could go bin cah its rape" "Ohh yerrrr. Okay! I'll find myself enjoying it." I said. He smiled. He whispered suttin under his breath. "Huh?" "Nuffin" "Noo. Say it Omar." "I said I love you too" he said looking embarrassed. "Why you looked embarrassed then?" "I aint the typer guy to express my feelings...this is the first time I've ever said this to a girl." "Awwww." I said and held him tighter. We got dressed after I had a shower. "Omz...?" He laughed. "From Omar to Omz, but yea?" "How come I've never seen your parents around?" "Cuz their not around!" "But, then how come your not in care." "Kmt, how old am I?" "17." "And how old do you have to be to get your own house?" "16?" "So why ask?" "Ohhhhhh" I said and laughed. He pulled my cheeks and I smiled. "Why does me doing that make you smile?" "I dunno...but I have to go home. Its nearly 9" I said getting prepared. "Ite, wait, I have to hit your endz aswell, we'll go together." "So, you weren't planning on dropping me off?" he laughed. "Of course I was, but you don't ever allow me to take you to your front door!" Yeah, cuz if my sister ever saw you, she would kill you." "Hmmm" We were soon off and he was riding on his bike next to me. "Cum'on man, I'll protect you" he said. "NO!" "Jai, it'll make it quicker" he said. I shook my head. I was not getting on his bike and that was that. "No, then you peddle faster then cah I'm taking bus. This free transport is not going to waste" I said to him and he laughed. "Ite." He suddenly dropped the bike and came behind me. "Gimme a goodbye kiss then." I kissed his cheek. "Arrr, boy'd" he said laughing as he put his lips on mind. This went on for a couple of minutes still, and I was breathing hard when he slowly retreated. Smiling. "I'm happy to know I leave you breathless." He said and laughed. I put my middle finger up and headed towards the bus stop as he cycled to where ever he needed to go. My phone rang. "Hello?" "You on a bus yet?" he asked. I could hear the wind going past as he cycled extremely hard. "How can you be cycling and on the phone?" I asked. "You on a bus yet?" "Yeaa, its coming now." I got on it. "You on it yet?" "Yup." "Ite, kl, I'll call you ina bit" "KMT." He laughed "What did I do?" he asked. I locked off. He called back. I was silent. "You and your temper tantrums man" he said. I locked off. He called back and it started pissing me off. "Don't keep calling me back." "Okay." This time he locked off. I made it home and as soon as I opened the door my phone went off again. "You home now?" he asked. I tried not to smile. "Durrh!" "Hmm, I won't even bother listening to you in your state, holla at me when your not feeling like a diva." He said and locked off. I just sat there and stared into space...it was just one of those days. I went upstairs and fell as sleep. Sunday was dead. On Monday I made my way to school quite happy on the contrary for no reason. I just had the best feeling something good was going to happen. Everything felt, well...everything felt perfect. We were in form time and I was indulging in gossip. "Argh! Tamika the sket bluddd!" Stephen said and laughed. His bredrins did the same. "Who?" I asked with my nosey self. "That year9, mixed raced one, the one that thinks shes ard cah she smokes..." "Oh her." "Yeaaa. She's a top hoe. Don't ever fuck her without a condom, might catch suttin" I started laughing. "She's nice to me." I said. "Well, skets don't have to be mean do they?" he asked. "What did she do?" I asked. "See that Rising Starz?" "That gang ting?" he laughed and nodded. "She's fucked most of them...I aint gonna lie, I fucked her, but that was BEFORE she acted loose" he said. "That's nasty." We continued with the chit chat until lunch time. We were all jammin on the bench bussin joke when someone

had this urge to bring a camera. People were going tryna get in the picture...I laughed and watched them. "Come in the pic man!" Stephen said. I just shook my head and laughed as Kylie pushed David to get infront of the camera. I was creasing! They finished and we went to sit back down. I watched Stephen, he was just soo amazingly peng. If only, nahh... After school I was watching home when I saw a hooded figure walking up to me. At first I was shook but clocked who it was. I smiled. "See how I have to chase you down to get a hug?" he asked. I smiled at him. "You shoulda asked." "Nahh, you just stormed outta science. I picked up my bag and you had dusted." "Ohh, shame bubz." I said opening my arms. He smiled and we hugged. He smelt nice. I breathed in his scent. "You have a man innih." "Yea man" "Ah fucked. Who is he?" he asked. "No-one you know." I said quickly. "Jai man what you doing to me?" he asked. We were still hugging in the middle of the road. He finally let go and we went to jam at the bus stop. "How's life?" he asked me. "Good so far..." We continued to talk for long and we both went home...well not after another long hug. I didn't understand myself. I went home and got a text. "Sittin here, thinking of you" Awwww Stephen. I smiled and text him back "Awww." This started a textin war and soon my inbox was full...that was how mad it was. He kept making me laugh. May was going good. On the 16th, I was lying in bed trying to sleep when Chanel stormed in. "What man!" I said. "Take the phone, someone wants to speak to you." She said smiling. I knew it was Kyan, wantin to know suttin. She passed me the phone and waited. "Would you like to fuck off?" I asked. She smiled and walked out. Okay weird. "Hi!" I said into the phone. "Jai?" I heard his deep voice say. I froze. I breathed hard into the phone. "Jai you okay?" "Uh-uh..." I still couldn't get over it...yet. Shock finally went and I screamed his name into the phone. "JAYYYYYYYYYYDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!" He laughed. "I miss you! I really dooo!" "Same, so how's school?" "I moved." "Arr, seen seen." "Omygosh Nai came back!" I said excited. "I'm happy cah your happy man...I didn't want you depressed. I got some good news doh!" "What is it?" I asked smiling. "I aint sure whether she'll allow me, but I might be coming for summer." "To stay?" I asked. "That's what I'm tryna get her to do." He said. It was silent for a bit. "How come you aint got the accent?" I asked. "I came here in March you fool" he said and laughed. "So how many girls have fallen in love with you?" I asked. "Nuff man! Shit, they wont leave me alone, its okay, but then it gets annoying and cah I'm on the basketball team ye, they just take the piss with it." I laughed. "How many boys have fallen in love with you? Or, is it the other way round?" Tell him the truth. No! Lie to him. "Jay?" "Uh-uh." "You know I love you innih." "Yea, and I love you too." He said back. I wanted to tell him. I really did. So I did. I told him about Cubbz. I expected him to lock off. He didn't. "So you love him?" I nodded. Then clocked he couldn't see me. "Yes. I do" I replied. "Hmmm..." "Jayden but I swear I don't think its possible to love anyone more that I love you...I dunno what to do...do you want me to break up with him cuz I will...I don't wana hurt you...but I have...I'm sorry...you probably don't wanna speak to me anymore... I understand. Should I give it back to Chanel?" I babbled into the phone. "I still love you. Erm, I aint pissed don't worry, well a little but don't worry about me... u cant help who you fall for I suppose." He said to me. I cried harder. I didn't realise how selfish I was being until now. Fuck, what had I done? At midnight I sang for him. "Happy birthday to you!" I said finally. "Feels good to know you're the 1st person to wish me happy birthday"

"Same. So what you doing today?" I asked him. "Dunno, might have a party...cant say shubz round here" he said and I laughed. "So young one..." he said. "Easy now! You jus turned 15 you fool" he laughed. "What you thinking about?" I asked him. "You..." "What about me?" "The first time we kissed." I bit my lip and took a deep breath. "And the night of Nut's ting, you looked so sexy man." He groaned into the phone. "Hmph! I'm missing you baby" he said. "I feel the same way. Oh I jus clocked, you can drive now" "I know, I'm getting a car. One niced out Impala." "HUH?" he laughed. "Google it baby." "Ite..." I said. We talked until the morning and I realised I hadn't slept for the whole day and I was tired. Shit. "Fuck, you stayed awake all night." He said. "Huh?" "It just turned evening down here." He said. "Arrr pissed! I aint going school today" "Yea, pack your bags and come see me. A birthday present I'll never forget." I smiled. "You come back here Jayden! I'm ordering you." He laughed. "Is your hair out?" I asked closing my eyes to visualise him. "Yee." "O goshhh!" I said. "What are you wearing?" he asked. "Erm, a top." He grunted and I laughed a lil. "See, if I lived in the UK now, I would buss a couple of corners, and then sneak up in your room then we can have sexy time..." I got hotter. "hMmm." I said. We talked throughout the day until he really had to go. Took another hour to lock off. I put the phone down and sighed. I really did miss his ass. I stayed at home and did my work. I'd been slacking. The rest of the week was dead out nothing to do. But Nai finally joined mah school and the mandem on smash. Especially the year11's. That's my girl! Bare chicks were hatin doh but it was cool, Nai was fly : ) . Jayden taught me a couple of things still! The last week of May was dead aswell, there was nothing to do. I was in bed when my phone went off. "Hello?" "Jai?" "Hmmm..." "What's this I've been hearing about you and Stephen?" it was Omar! "I dunno, tell me and I'll confirm." "There's pictures of you lot hugging plastered all over Facebook, MySpace and Bebo." "Okay....and?" "Don't fuck me about..." "Okay, I was in my bed attempting to catch up on my sleep when you called, think whatever the fuck you wanna think...just not to me. I'm gone bed. Good afternoon." I said locked off and turned off my phone. I slept. I woke up and went to eat. I turned on the TV and just jammed by myself. A letter came thru the post. I read in amazement and with tears in my eyes. Then my house phone went off. "HELLO?" "Is this the Jacobs residence?" "Yes." "This is the CID department, and I'm Officer James Castor, I'm the one who has been investigating the murder of your brother for the last two years..." "Okay..." I said not really interested. They just call and ask silly questions... "We've got our 1st suspect" the phone dropped out of my hands and I had to pick it up. "What????" I asked in shock. "Yes...we're questioning him now." "Are you allowed to tell me his name?" I asked. "Yes we are. We need however to speak to your parents." "Their at work. Okay, we will contact them, would you mind giving me their numbers?" I gave it to him and sat there in shock. Who the hell is it? 2days later we were at the police station in shock. Me and Chanel watching him sitting there...utter shock. Nahhh, it couldn't be him...he couldn't have killed my brother...he just couldn't have. He weren't that typer guy. I mean Kia said it was her man. But then again, he was cleared, then Jasper said Darius, 24shots...I ...no, but he just wouldn't do that. He just couldn't. I stared at him in shock... "Jai, what have you done?" Chanel asked looking at me in disbelief. I was in shock...tears formed and dropped. I

had killed my own brother. Dug his grave for him nicely... I was a murderer. June 2006 I was still in shock...Chanel refused to talk to me and I understood. My mum was silent, I mean she didn't have a clue what was going on. She did but, she didn't know what me and Chanel knew. I couldn't believe it. He was a suspect but damn, he was 90% to get convicted of killing my brother. I let my head go back to that day everything Marcus had said. I had missed something, that week suttin had happened. I tried to remember what it was but it wasn't coming back. Something had happened that week, something...what was it?? I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I was on the phone to Nai not really listening to anything she was saying. "Jai, did you hear what I said?" she asked. "Na, sorry come again." "I said, its your birthday soon." "Oh yeh, I forgot" "How can you forget your own birthday! You weird child" We both laughed. "Soooo...?" "So what?" "Wah you doing for it?" "Staying at home and watching TV." "Allow that do suttin fun." "I have to go. Bye bye" I said. "Lool. I see how you lodge this convo, don't worry bubz, I'm planning." "Shit!" I said. We both laughed and locked off. I lay back I door bell rang and I run to open it. Standing behind the door was Cubbz...I was so shocked. "Close your mouth, you might catch a fly" he said and laughed. "Sorry but why are you here?" "Arr, so I can't come say hi to my wifey." "No...my parents coulda been home." "Then I woulda introduced myself." "And ended up in jail cah your wayyy older than me" "O yeh" he said kissing me and shutting the door behind him. He followed me as I walked up to my room. "So what's up with you?" he asked. I told him. I couldn't hold it anymore...I needed someone to talk to. "So is that why you hated me?" he asked. I nodded. "I done some fucked up shit, but nahh I would never kill anyone." He said. "I know that now...I'm soo sorry" I said to him. "I didn't even know that Marcus breh." "Buh Jasper said there was this Darius dude..." "Yeh love, his name was Darius and he raped my cousin which is why he died." "But he got shot." "Yeh, not by me..." he said. "Ohh, I'm soo sorry" I said crying. "You DIDN'T kill your brother man, he had nuff love for you that's why he did what he did." "But, it's my entire fault... I didn't even know he was following me..." I said to him. "Boy! Jai I never imagined you as-." "Shhh, I don't even wanna remember my past" I said to him. He agreed and we just sat there staring into space. I climbed on top of him. "Jai?" "Hmmm?" I asked kissing him. "In your house?" he asked. "No-ones gonna come back for a long time..." "Arrr, your naughty man!" he said and starting taking off my clothes. I started grinding on him to one tune in my head. "Arrr fuck..." he groaned. I felt him going hard under me and I worked harder. We were soon naked and he was on top of me making me scream his name. "Ahhh oohh Omar baby!!" He kissed me. "Swear-down I aint gonna-love any. One like. I love you." He said in between breaths. "Hmmm" I tried to reply biting his bottom lip. Sex session was over and we got dressed again and I was staring at the ceiling when his phone went off. He quickly picked up and hugged me closer. I weren't really listening to what he was saying. I was thinking of how much stress and heartache my life was. "Babes?" he asked. "Oh sorry...I was away with the birds" I replied. He smiled. "Yeah, I could tell." "So what was your phone call about?" I asked. "Hmm, someone wanted to know someone's address." "Why?" "Cuz he wanted to run up in the house" "Why?" "I didn't ask...nor do I care. I just told him to bell someone else..." he said. I smiled at him. "Your changing yeh?" "For you and you only yeh" he said simply. I smiled at him. "Move it now!" I said. "Why?" "My parents are coming home soon." I said to him getting up. He started getting dressed and so did I. I weren't planning on staying at home after hardly any one spoke to me. I wrote a note staying I was staying at my friend's house for a bit and packed a bag. "What are you doing?" he asked me. "Packing." "You running away or suttin?" he asked. "Not even, I'm coming to stay with you for a few days...do you mind?" "Nah, I don't." he said smiling. I laughed. Within a few minutes, we were ready to leave. I left the note on the fridge and kicked. We got to his house in record time and we jammed for a bit. My phone went off and it flashed Chanel. I didn't pick up. I then called Nai. "What's good sister?" "Erm, well... it's a long story, I'm gonna tell you tomorrow at school yer?" "Okay...where you at." "Jammin with Cubbz." "At this time!? Your mums gonna go mad!" she said. "I kinda left home for a few days..." "You run away?" "Nah, I just left for a few days..." "Rah, I dunno what he's doing to you boy..." she said. "Hmmm...it's what I'm doing to myself that you should be more concerned about." "Jai, tomorrow yeh we'll talk?" "Yup." "I love you big head!" she said to me. "Love you too Lesbo!" we both laughed and locked off. I sat on the floor and broke down crying. This always happened to me. My life was filled with curses. I'm a curse myself. I thought in my head. Nothing could ever go right for me. "Shhh, why you crying man...its not your fault...you were young and gullible..." Cubbz said. "But I knew what I was doing..." "But you really didn't...I'm not tryna say forget about it...nah fuck I am!" he said. I smiled and so

did he. "Don't cry okay?" he asked kissing my cheek. I nodded I fell asleep on him on the floor; however, I woke up in a bed. Well, he woke me up. "Move your ass to school innih" he said not even getting out of bed. "Fuck off" I said attempting to go back to bed. "Jai I'm not joking if you kill my sleep I will fuck you up differently." He said. I immediately got back up whilst he went back to bed cah this guy was serious. I went in the bathroom, showered etc. By 7:30, I was ready for school and that was shocking. I made myself breakfast watched BBC News and left his yard. He even left a twenty pound note on the coffee table and spare keys to his yard. Aww, so thoughtful. I got to school and as usual, something was going on and I wondered what it was. Stephen saw me and started grinning bare. He walked over to me whilst a bunch of people from our year and year11 were huddled together; people were bare shouting and ting. "What's going on?" He laughed. "See Anthia from our year?" I nodded. "She went and fucked Josie's older brother and Josie found out." "Year11 Josie?" I asked. He nodded. "Ah, she's pissed!" Josie was one of those people who walked around with a permanent screw face, God built her so strongly that no-one dared tell her nuttin cah she could do some damage and often did. "Alie, but hear this doh!" he said his smile widening. "Josie went ahead and fucked Anthia's older cousin..." he said. I started laughing. "So why are they fighting?" I asked. "That's even I swear..." "Nah, but this is the icing on the cake..." he said. "Tell me..." I said. His smile widened. "You wouldn't guess what Anthia went and did doh..." he said. "What man!" "She gave my man some next STI no-ones heard of" I started laughing. "O shit!" I said. "That's suttin I would fight over aswell. That's a par!" I said. He nodded and laughed. Then we saw movement and heard shouting. I assumed the fight as started buh then I saw teachers running towards us and everyone dusted. I just stood there and watched. "Jai did you see what happened?" a teacher asked. "I just came to see people running" I replied. He nodded and walked off. Registration time and Nai wasn't in. Hmmm... Our 1st lesson was English and everyone was still hype about the Josie and Anthia business. That's all people kept talking about. Cuz I sat next to the girl in English I moved seats cah true say...with these advanced illnesses, STI's will become. ASTIs. Airborne, Sexually Transmitted infections...therefore, I weren't on catching one. We sat down in English and Nai walked in, no one noticed how Charmz followed right after... I laughed and he winked at me. I was getting into my work when my head teacher came in looking for me. "Ohhh, Jai, what did you do?" I heard Stephen ask. I was baffed myself. I walked with him into his office and we sat down. "Your parents have phoned in to say you have left home..." he said to me... I nodded. "Why?" he asked. "Just for a bit..." "Where are you staying now?" he asked. "At a friends" I replied. "Jai, your safety and welfare is of great concern to me...I've contacted social services and they'll be here shortly." He said. "You what?" I asked. "You haven't been home in almost 12hours..." "Yeh and? I came to school didn't I?" I asked him. "Yes but..." "Don't but me...you called social services for what reason? To say my parents don't take care of me? Well, they fucking do! I've had enough of people like you trying to dictate to me what I should and shouldn't do. I wanna go right but here you people are whispering in my ear...go left...Jai go left...leave me the fuck alone!" I said crying. I run out of his room with tears in my eyes and went to get my stuff from English. Everyone was looking at me like "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?" "Jai...what's up?" Nai asked. "I'm fuckin leaving this school if I can...ARGH!" I said and walked out ready to fight anyone who was going to stop me. "Stop man!" Nai said. I stopped and she dragged me into a spare room. "Explain to me what the fuck is going on NOW!" she shouted. I did. Right from the beginning... She looked horrified. "Wait, so wait...lemme get this right...It wasn't anything to do with my brother or Cubbz?" I nodded. "O great, now I have to apologise to the dickhead." She said and smiled. "Ahh, now social services are involved." She said. "I know...I'm just gonna go back home" An hour later, I was in a room with 2police men, social services, my parents and my head teacher. I listened in horror as they dictated to me what I was going to do. "I don't need a psychiatrist!" I shouted in horror. "I'm not mad... I don't need a fucking shrink!" I shouted. "Mind your tongue" my dad hissed. I screwed him but obeyed nevertheless. "Sorry" I muttered. "Those social service people were just scribbling tonnes into the fat notebooks they had. I screwed them. My mum was just crying. Why was she crying? She began to speak. "I know Marcus' death has been hard on you...I know you were very close to him and h-h-he loved you very much ..." she couldn't continue and cried. "But don't keep your emotions all bottled up inside...please Jai, just let it out." My dad said. "Let it out yeh?" I asked. They all nodded. "Okay...I'll let it out." I picked up the vase and smashed it against the wall. "I'm letting it out..." I said. "Trinity what on earth has gotten into you!" My dad shouted. He hadn't called me that in 7years. I stood motionless. I looked at each of them with anger boiling inside me. "LEAVE ME ALONE" I shouted. I think that made the situation worse because a few hours later, I was jammin in a room waiting for a counsellor. The woman came and smiled. I screwed her. "Let's get us a room" she said. I didn't reply and followed her. We went

into what I assumed was her work space and sat down. Around me were lil posters saying stuff like "Express yourself" "We're here to help" I found that so corny. Help my backfoot. "Okay, so Trinity..." "Call me Jai please" I said to her. "Okay so Jai, would you like to tell me about yourself and what's going on in your life." She said tryna sound warm and entice me...It did the complete opposite. I was immediately turned off. "Well, my life was great until people like you came init and tried to mess it up, why can't you government funded assholes leave me the fuck alone! You fucking promise and fail you fuckin let him out and because of that my brother's dead!" "Who did we let out Jai? Who?" she asked with pleading eyes. "LEAVE ME ALONE" I shouted and cried harder. "Its okay to cry!" "You don't have any idea about how it feels to wake up knowing you've lost your brother, no idea! Not only did he not die of natural causes, HE FUCKIN-LEAVE ME ALONEEE!" I said, I caught myself before I revealed my dark secret. Someone needed to know... 3days later, I was back at home...not talking to anyone...not going to school because they had allowed me a week off to 'cool down' so I was stuck at home doing nothing. I was so pissed off. It was also the day of me meeting the psychiatrist and I weren't looking forward to it. Chanel had tried to talk to me but I didn't attempt to make convo. I had completely shut myself out from the outside world. It was like a battle going on inside of me. That was when things started getting abit strange...ever since that day I exploded to the counsellor I'd been seeing things and at 1st I thought it was my imagination but I was 100% sure that I'd been seeing Marcus. No joke. I was in my bedroom when he came again, that was his 5th appearance...this time he had a rose on him. "Hurry up! You've got 15 more minutes before we leave" my dad shouted. Marcus smiled and I smiled back. "I'm sorry" I said to him. "It's not your fault" he replied. I smiled. Then Chanel came in and he disappeared. "See what you made him do!" I said pissed off at her. "What? And where did you get the rose from?" "You made Marcus' go away I was just talking to him" I said to her. She was kinda caught off guard. I could tell by the look on her face. "Are you okay Jai?" she asked. I nodded. "Why you think I'm going mad innih! I'm not! Leave me alone! I'm not going mad...I saw him...I spoke to him...I was just speaking to him" I shouted. She nodded and left my room. He didn't come back. I was pissed off more. I got downstairs to see my mum and dad with some worried expressions on their faces. "What did I do?" I asked. "Nothing" came the reply. We made our way to this institute were this psychiatrist person was. The ride there was silent and I licked it very much... My mum looked into my eyes and I stared back. Minutes after, silent tears followed down her face. "What did I do now?" I asked her. She didn't reply. "I'm always responsible for everything in this family aren't I? First it was me nearly getting raped, then the whole Jr business then Marcus dead...ALLL MY FUCKIN FAULT" "Jai-don't" Chanel said. "No lemme do it...lemme go right ahead and tell them that it's my fault that Marcus is dead..." "Jai..." "Well we all remember Jr don't we...the one who tried to exploit me...make me suck on people's dicks because if I didn't I would get punished don't you all remember? The one who hit me at times and made his bredrins beat me up cah they felt like it?? Oh yeh him...you know the one who made me sell drugs because 'he loved me' you all must remember." "STOP IT!" My mum hissed. "Nah... I aint finished...I'm not stopping anything! You lot thought you had it all covered innih. From when he nearly got me raped and I spend months not talking and Marcus made me thought you lot thought you were smart innih, thought he didn't know...you thought Marcus wouldn't find out...well he FUCKING DID! That day I went to tell Jr I hated him... he followed me...saw Jr and his manz inject me and saw me suck on Jr's dick...wanna know more?" I asked. My dad had stopped the car, Chanel was crying and my mum was weeping but I weren't even finished. They wanted the truth...straight up...I was telling them. "Then...he went mad...run up in there threatened to kill Jr. Remember that night where we were both pissed off? Yeh, it was that day! You know, then Kia came, you guys thought he still didn't know! HE FUCKIN DID, Oh and when the court case, you know the one you guys supported. 'He needs to get locked up' mum your exact words...the day of the court case...when Marcus had arranged with his lawyer that he would testify against Jr...somehow he found out, and killed him. WHY ALL BECAUSE OF ME...WANNA KNOW MORE? Huh?? You wanna know more huh?" I asked. My mum opened the car and vomited. My dad was crying his eyes out and so was

Chanel and so was I. "Come on you wanted the truth come on you want more?" I asked. After a few minutes they continued the journey now more determined to make me see the psychiatrist. I didn't care...everything I needed to say had come out... We got there and my mum weren't even looking at me... everyone was silent. I was just there...THERE...numb. With no feeling. I didn't feel anything. "Hello, you must be the Jacobs...and you must be Trinity..." the woman said. I just stared at her. "I'm Mrs. Ward and I specialise in..." I didn't really listen to anything she had to say. Then after 5minutes later I was in her room, it was kinda cosy if I say so myself... She started asking questions and I answered them. She seemed really nice... "So Jai, I want you to close your eyes okay..." I nodded and closed my eyes... "Now, I want you to go into my mind and find your deepest fear okay...don't worry I'm right here. You can stop at anytime." I nodded. "Have you found it?" she asked. I let the tears stream from my closed eyes. "Have you found it?" he asked. I nodded. "Would you like to tell me what it is?" "Loreal..." I said in silence. "Who is Loreal?" she asked. "She was my best friend" I said to her. "What happened to Loreal?" "I told her not to go! Then she went then I followed but he promised if I done it he wouldn't hurt her...he promised then he did! He hurt her...he hurt her." "DO you remember what he did?" I nodded. "He raped her...her then after...he let me watch...he let me watch...her crying...screaming...the blood...then he made his friend do it...then he said he loved me and I shouldn't tell anyone...and then she swore at him. He said she made him angry. He said she shouldn't have hit him. He said she should have been quiet" I rumbled. "Where is Loreal now?" "In a lake" I cried harder. "What happened?" "He hit her hard then he punched her then he broke her hand then he told me to spit on her or he would kill her...then I did then she told me to call for help then she cried and told me to help her..." I opened my eyes...SCARED AS HELL... My body seemed to be on fire... "I-I-I cant remember what happened next" I said to her...still scared. "Its okay... our minds often block out the worst memories and make it appear at though it was a dream...it's been a long day, we'll continue in 2days time...she said to me..." I looked at the time and it was nearly 8. I gasped. "You've done very well Jai...I'm very impressed with you..." she said. "Will you tell anyone?" I asked. "Nope, it's confidential, unless you want me to say anything...I won't." She said. I nodded. I went out of her room in a daze... We went home in silence once more...I went into my room and couldn't close my eyes because all I saw was him and her and him and her... I screamed and Chanel came into my room. "Please...I don't wanna be alone I'm scared Chanel I'm scared" I said to her. "Shhhh its okay" "I'm sorry Chanel...I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it..." I said. I was so scared. She understood and stayed with me...I still couldn't close my eyes because all I saw was him. We went downstairs and pulled out a bag and handed me some tablets. "What are they?" "Sleeping tablets" "Who gave them to you?" "The psychiatrist" "Can they do that?" I asked. "Apparently so" I took them and fell asleep sure enough. Things went from bad to worse... I literally gave up on school...and became addicted to the tablets... I had to take them and my mum noticed that 54tablets had gone in less than 2weeks...she weren't happy. I would be locked up in my room waiting for Marcus...he didn't come anymore. it was like he left for good. Everyone hated me. I turned on my phone and as soon as I did, I got a call and several messages signalling missed calls and texts. I picked up.

"Hello..." "What day is it today?" Nai asked. What day was it? "I dunno" I told her honestly. "Don't fuck about..." "I'm not..." After minutes of arguing she actually clocked I didn't have a clue. "You really don't know do you?" she asked. "Nope." "HAPPY BIRTHDAY! YOUR 15!" "O yeah" I said light-heartedly. "Sooo...get dressed and make your way to my yard! I'm taking you somewhere special!" she said. "Excellent" I replied back. I got dressed went downstairs... There was a cake there...loads of parcels and stuff. My mum was smiling. "Happy birthday my love" "Thanks mum" I said. My phone went off again. Some 20digit number. "Hello." "HAPPY BIRTHDAY ASSHOLE" Nuttie said. I smiled. "Thank you..." We continued to talk, then I talked to Jayden...everything was going good... I left my house and went to Nai's we went out...she took me to a spa thing and it was really good. I got to her house again at around 9. We opened the door went inside, went into the living room turned on the light then WHAM. "SURPRISEEEEEE!" I saw EVERYONE there... All smiles...Cubbz was there...Kyan was there and so was Chanel...all of them in the same room? Okay then... I was drinking loads of alcohol and managed to sneak some sleeping tablets in there aswell. I felt so good. Cubbz was screwing me... He dragged me outside. "WHAT THE FUCK YOU DOING?" "Nothing!" "DON'T FUCKIN TRY IT, I SAW YOU PUT THEM PILLS IN YOUR DRINK." "SO?" "What's up with you man" he asked more gently. "Nothing leave me alone!" I shouted at him. Then Chanel came out and so did Kyan... "What's going on here?" Kyan asked all screwing. "Nothing" I replied. "ABOUT NOTHING...SHE'S BEEN DRINKING AND SNEAKING SOME PILLS IN HER DRINK" He said. "What...so mum was right Jai?" Chanel asked looking speechless. "Leave me aloneee!" I shouted. "Jai...what's wrong with you man?" Cubbz asked screwing. "You need some help NOW!" Chanel said. "No I don't..." I went inside my bag and pulled out the toy I'd taken from Marcus a very long time ago. "Jai?" "It's a nice toy innih." I said. They looked scared. "What's wrong?" I asked. "Jai put the gun down please..." Chanel pleaded. "What...this? it's a harmless toy..." I replied playing with it... "Jai...put it down ye? Then we can talk about this yeh?" Cubbz said. "No leave me Alone!" I shouted. At the same time, a shot went off from the gun...