For Better For Worse Prt 4 Her Responsibility

“For Better or For Worse” ‘Submission: The Key to His Heart’ 022408 AM I want to begin today by making a simple statement. If you agree with this statement, please raise your hand. Here it is… “All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. (2Timothy 3:16 NLT) Now, some of you realize that I just quoted a paraphrased version of 2Timothy 3:16. Here is how it reads in the KJV… “All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:” This verse is one of a few passages that are foundational to our faith because it clearly describes the Source, the Authority, and the Purpose of the Bible. It is the Word of God, given by God; and therefore, it has the authority to be the ‘rule of our faith and practice’. It is also clear that God gave it to us for our benefit. It is capable, on its own, to provide us with every true teaching about God, life, and the future; and to correct our errors in matters of thought and behavior. Quite simply, it is all the instruction we need to be saved and to live a life that is pleasing to God. In one way or another, it contains the answers to all of the problems of life. Do you believe this? (I expect a resounding ‘yes!’ to which I will reply, “good!” So then, please turn in your Bibles to the book of Ephesians 5 and let us read verses 1721… “Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is. And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit; Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. In these four verses, Paul prescribes (and describes) the God-pleasing life – the life that is in harmony with God. If you are in harmony with God you will seeks wisdom by searching for the will of God. You will avoid intoxication, and instead, allow your life to be filled with God’s presence. You will express your love for God with a soul song of joyous praise and thanksgiving. And you will submit yourself to others with whom you have this Christian relationship. This is the principle of Mutual Submission Paul writes of in verse. 21.

And it is this principle of submission that gives health to the church body. Without submission, the church would quickly spiral out of control, with each person seeking to please themselves instead of others, each seeking control, and each serving self. You see, human nature is generally quite selfish. We all want to be in control. We want to direct our own lives, and often we want to direct the lives of others too. Striving for authority and power over others is as natural to us as breathing. But so is rebellion. For, as soon as one leader arises, another is plotting an overthrow. Rebellion is in our blood. It is natural for us to resist authority and strive for control. This is why we have laws, and police, and judges and courts, and prisons. We are rebellious at heart. It is our chief sin. And one only needs to look to the Word of God to see that this was the first sin among both angels and men? Lucifer wanted to be in charge, so he rebelled against God’s authority. And when he was cast out, he showed up in the Garden with a promise to Eve that if she would rebel, she too could be like God. She could be in control. Oh, yes! Rebellion is natural to us… but don’t equate the term ‘natural’ with ‘good’ for rebellion it is neither good nor godly. The Bible teaches that rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and God hates it. The Bible teaches us that God is the ultimate Authority, and we must submit to Him. Likewise, it teaches that if we would live in peace, we must submit to one another. Submission is the path to life and health. Without submission, all relationships would crumble. And this is true in marriage as much or more than anywhere else. Marriages can only be good when two primary principles are in play – love and submission. Last week, we looked at the place love has in the equation. “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church, and gave Himself for her.” By loving his wife as Christ loves the Church, a man can do his part in building a great marriage. And he loves his wife when he gives himself for her. This is his role in mutual submission – he loves her by giving himself for her. He does so when he sets her in first place and strives to satisfy her passions. So then, what is the wife’s responsibility? What must she do to help build a great marriage? Let’s read verses 22-24 and find out… “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the Savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”

What must a man do to help build a great marriage? He must love. What must his wife do? She must submit. Now, let’s take another look at this passage… First, notice God’s Instruction… “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands…” Then, see His Illustration… “…as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the Savior of the body.” Also, notice His Intention … “For the husband is the head of the wife…” Now, let me begin by saying that we have come upon a hot topic that is often ignored, and usually resisted or outright rejected. And no wonder! In the last 40 years, society has worked very hard to undermine the biblical model of the family, destroy the institution of marriage, and ridicule the concept of female submission. And the church? Well, she’s done little to counter it. And perhaps because for far too long the principle of marital submission was used for selfish ends by men who did not love their wives as Christ loved the Church. But please understand something very crucial as we move into this subject. The contrary opinions of society and the abuses of men do not change the truth of God’s Word. What is taught in these verses is the inspired, inerrant, perfect will of God. And the only way to please God and have a great marriage is to follow what this book teaches. So, let’s learn how Submission becomes the key His Heart. And let’s begin by giving a voice to the questions that are in many of your minds… “What exactly is biblical submission?” and…. “How do I submit to my husband?” “How far should I go with this?” and…“Where do I draw the ‘line’?” “What if He is not godly?” or… “What if He is a poor leader, or makes mistakes in his decisions?” And perhaps the most difficult question and the thing that tempts a woman to excuse herself from submitting… “He doesn’t love me, so why should I submit?” I think we could condense these questions into one… “How can I submit to my husband when submission is so hard and seemingly unrewarding? Look at God’s Answer in our text … “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the

church: and he is the Savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” Let me share a few principles from this passage that will give you footing…

Principle #1 - Marital submission is an Obligation Why should a wife submit to her husband… because God commands her to submit; it is an obligation just as submission to Christ is an obligation. The clear parallel is drawn… “Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord” The word “as” means “in that same manner…” In the way that you submit to Christ, you submit to your own husband. Now, ladies, let me ask you… “Would you resist Christ?” Of course not! You freely give yourself to Jesus because He is your Savior and Lord. Your desire is to please Him. And yet you may struggle when you hear Christ say, “As you submit to me, you must also submit to your husband.” “Oh, it’s not the same!” My husband is at times insensitive and overbearing. He neglects my needs, resists my advice, and ignores my feelings. And, boy has he made some pretty bad decisions since we’ve been married.” True, Jesus has never done any of these things. After all, He is the Son of God, perfect in every way. He makes no mistakes. But this perfect Jesus, with perfect foreknowledge of your imperfect husband, still commands submission as an obligation without exclusion. “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands…” God knows all about your husband and his weaknesses. He knew all about it when he inspired the author to pen these words. Submission, even in difficult circumstances, is the will of God. And there is good reason for this…

Principle #2 - Marital Submission is Organizational Verse 23 - “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church…” The principle of submission has to do with God’s organization of the relationship. God created the family and defined the roles for each person in the marriage relationship. The husband is the head of the wife. The Greek word for ‘head’ is graphic. It comes from a root word meaning, “that which is readily seized” It carries the idea of “the part most readily taken hold of”… This is hugely

significant for a couple of reasons. First, it means that God has placed the husband in the place of greatest responsibility and accountability. God organized the family unit and designated the husband to be the one most responsible for the welfare of the family. As the ‘head’ of the wife, he is responsible to love and care for his wife (and children) in the manner in which Christ loved and cares for the church. That is no small assignment. And one day, this husband of yours, the head of your family, will be ‘readily taken hold of’ by God, and called into account for his performance as a servant-leader of your home. Even more reason for you to give yourself completely to him in your role! Even more reason for you to submit to his leadership and be the support that he needs to do what God has called him to do! Listen, this marital structure is not about one person having totalitarian control, or about the other being a subservient slave. Marriage is intended by God to be a beautiful picture of the relationship Christ has with His Church. Notice verses 31-33 – “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” The marital relationship mirrors the relationship of Jesus and the Church. As the ‘head’ of the Church, Jesus surrendered His royal rights to be served and became the Servant instead. He served the Church. He washed her feet, healed her wounds, clothed her in beautiful, clean garments, and then He died so she could have life! What love! And the power of His great love compels her to give herself to Him in complete and loving submission. This is what God intends marriage to be like. A husband is to give himself completely to the good of his wife. He is to surrender his rights to serve self, and serve her instead. He is to give himself completely to loving her. In response to this love, she is to surrender herself in submission to his loving leadership. This is God’s organization and there is no place for any reengineering of this structure. But before we go further with this thought, we are drawn back to the questions we asked earlier… “How far should I go with this?” and…“Where do I draw the ‘line’?” and…“What if He is not godly?” or… “What if He is a poor leader, or makes mistakes in his decisions?” And maybe mot importantly… “What if he isn’t doing his part? What if he isn’t showing love for me?”

Principle #3 – Submission is Comprehensive Verse 24 – “Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. The Greek word translated everything is ‘pas’. It is a primary word, an adjective, literally meaning, “…each, every, any, all, the whole, everyone, all things, everything” (Thayer) ‘Pas’ is comprehensive word that God intentionally placed in His Word. The meaning is clear. A wife should submit to her husband’s leadership in every aspect of the marriage. Having said that, let us not forget the context of the passage. The command for a wife to submit to her own husband in everything sits right between the command for mutual submission in verse 21 and the command for the husband to love his wife in verse 25. Marriage is a two-part harmony. Both he and she must surrender their rights in order to please the other. He does so by loving her, and she does so by following him. And as each gives to the role, the marriage produces sweet music. “Yes!” you say, “But…” and we are right back where we were… “What if my husband isn’t doing his part?” Here is the answer… your obligation to submit to your husband’s leadership is not contingent upon him performing his obligation to love you. In other words, you need to submit to his leadership, even if he fails to meet your expectations. Turn with me in your Bibles to 1Peter 3 and let’s read verses 1-6. “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection (hupatasso) to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Notice that the wife is to submit, even when the husband is not doing his part. How should she treat him if he fails to love, as he should? She is to submit. And by her submission, she wins him over. Again, her motive is to draw him to Christ. Every action is calculated to please the Savior. It’s all about putting Christ first. And how does she lure him to submit to the Word of God? Well, it’s not with her outward attraction. No, listen to what Peter writes… “Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

This passage has been taught to mean that women shouldn’t fix there hair or wear jewelry or nice clothing. This is not what the author was saying. He’s not giving a command, he’s making a point. Peterson writes in The Message… “Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs. There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words about God, will be captivated by your life of holy beauty. What matters is not your outer appearance – the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes – but your inner disposition.” He’s saying that a man will not be won over to Christ by the outward demonstration of beauty, but by the demonstration of inner beauty displayed in a peaceable and submissive spirit – which, he says, is in the ‘sight of God of great price.” So, contrary to there being an exclusion clause that gives a wife an ‘out’ if her husband isn’t doing his part, this passage goes at it head –to-head, saying, that it is when he isn’t doing his part you need to be sure to be doing yours, and so win him over! And then he gives an example. Notice… For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.” The example God gives is Abraham and Sarah. And for good reason… there is more to the story of their life together in the Bible than that of any other married couple. And they had their share of difficulties with decisions, yet Sarah followed her husband’s lead. • When he left his country for Canaan, uprooting the family to travel hundreds of miles across the desert to no certain home – she followed his lead. • When they arrived in Egypt, and Abraham made the faithless mistake of pretending Sarah was only his sister, she followed his lead. And she did it again when he convinced her to do the same thing to Abimelech. • When Abraham offered Lot the choice pick of the land, instead of taking what was rightfully his, Sarah followed his lead. Sarah submitted to her husband when he decided to go to war. She stood with him again when he refused the spoils of the war. She stood with him every time he uprooted his tents and moved. And, in the final analysis, Sarah stood with her husband, submitting to him in faith towards God when He promised to give her a son. In Genesis 17, God told Abraham that Sarah would have a son, and verse 12 says, “Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?

Even with all they had been through, and the many mistakes Abraham made, Sarah still submitted to him, calling him her ‘lord’, a word used to designate ‘controller’ or ‘sovereign’. Sarah surrendered to the leadership of her husband, and she is the model that God gives to you today. Submission to your husband is contingent upon one thing alone – pleasing Christ. You submit to your husband primarily because Christ has so commanded, and you give your allegiance to Him first. Your husband’s merit of your allegiance must be secondary. And know this… you will never be satisfied with your marriage, or your part in that marriage unless you give yourself wholly to submission. God arranged this position for you, and you will find your worth, your strength and your emotional fulfillment as you surrender your will to God’s plan. CONCLUSION In the book, Love & Respect, by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs stresses that… “It is easier for men to respect their wives than to love them, and easier for wives to love their husbands than respect them.” The good doctor’s conclusion only emphasizes the struggle we have with our own fallen nature. A Christian man struggles with loving his wife because it is what God commands him to do and his human nature resists. Likewise, a Christian woman struggles with respecting her husband, because it is what God commands her to do, and her human nature resists. This struggle is as old as time, as ancient as the original transgression in the Garden, and it is a fight we will engage in for the rest of our lives. Listen closely to these words… “For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.” (Galatians 5:17) In other words, “The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions. (Ibid – NLT) What is the remedy? What is the solution? Where is the power for a wife to live in holy submission to her husband, in spite of his faults and failures? It is the same for her husband to live in Christ-like love towards his wife, in spite of her faults and failures... “This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. Or as another translates… “Let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves.”

Can submission to your husband improve your marriage? Several women writing to Dr. Eggsrich found it to be so. Here is what one wife wrote… “Applying respect in my marriage is quite foreign and I have really had to work at it. I always thought I just needed to love more. What a revelation for me, because loving more wasn’t helping. Thank you again! I am so excited about where our marriage will go from here as we apply what we have learned. I have a new energy for our relationship.” (Love & Respect – pg. 184) Another writes, “We have never had a marriage that was close and intimate [and loving] until I began practicing respect. I always knew that something was lacking, but I figured it was him [being unloving] and not me [being disrespectful]. Now I feel loved and I know he feels respected and a tremendous void has been filled in our lives. (Love & Respect – pg. 191) Let me challenge you today, wives. Why not try what P.B. Wilson calls a little R&R (Respect and Reverence) for your man, and see what happens. Show respect, submit to his leadership, and watch God bless your union! And if you feel like he’s too far-gone, take one last chance, administer the Respect Test and see what happens. (Love & Respect – pg. 185-192) What’s the respect test? I can’t tell you when he’s around. You’ll have to see me later!