Feast Of Jewish Learning Perceptions

Begin with the Cow.

What is this a picture of? You wont know until I tell you,. But it wont stop you guessing and being quite certain…

Perspectives: Hand out stories. Please read and write down on the back the first thoughts that come to mind regarding this story. Write down your perspective. Story 1: People were sitting quietly, some reading newspapers, some lost in thought, some resting with their eyes closed. It was a calm, peaceful scene. Then suddenly, a man and his children entered the subway car. The children were so loud and rambunctious that

instantly the whole climate changed. The man sat down next to me and closed his eyes, apparently oblivious to the situation. The children were yelling back and forth, throwing things, even grabbing people's papers. It was very disturbing. And yet, the man sitting next to me did nothing. So finally, with what I thought was unusual patience and restraint, I turned to him and said, Sir your children are really disturbing a lot of people. I wonder if you couldn't control them a little more. The man lifted his gaze as if to come to a consciousness of the situation for the first time, and said softly, "Oh you're right. I guess I should do something about it. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago. I don't know what to think and I guess they don't know how to handle it either." Story 2: Waiting in a long line at the grocery store, he sighed and tried to gauge the amount of time left before it would be his turn. Suddenly, he felt the cart behind him jam into his back. Taking a couple steps forward, he shook his head inwardly at the carelessness. Several moments later, he felt another jab. This one hurt. Trying to move out of harm's way, he shifted to the right and glanced at this watch. And once again, the cart behind him was pushed forward, slamming his back and legs. This was too much. He finally turned around ready to let the guy have it. Whirling, the first thing he saw was a white cane…Clutched by the blind man who was holding onto the shopping cart with his other hand.

III. Philosophical basis of these classes is the axiom that:

Life: the way we experience it determines our reality. The way we perceive our life and the things that we

experience in the world around us is the way we think reality exists. This is limited, by definition, to our personal and limited perspectives. Challenge: My Self-perception, perceptions of G-d, and perceptions of others is limited to my eyes. My perspective. My eyes. My vision. Solution: By increasing self awareness and learning more about myself - I can better understand my perspective. By increasing awareness of others and learning more about others – I can better understand their perspectives.

II. •

Book exercise – colored glasses My tall book of colors, playmore / waldman

III. Dove video see [just right click and hit open link] http://www.youtube.com/p.swf?video_id=iYhCn0jf46U&eurl= http%3A//www.google.com/search%3Fhl%3Den%26safe%3D off%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla%253AenUS%253Aofficial%26hs%3DTSb&iurl=http%3A//img.youtube. com/vi/iYhCn0jf46U/2.jpg&t=OEgsToPDskIxZT3Z8evfVOQS__ RiXQBx VI.

Guide for the Perplexed, by Moses Maimonides,

• At times the truth shines so brilliantly that we perceive it as clear as day. Our nature and habit then draw a veil over our perception, and we return to a darkness almost as dense as before. We are like those who, though beholding frequent flashes of lightning, still find themselves in the thickest darkness of the night. On some the lightning flashes in rapid succession, and they seem to be in continuous light, and their night is as clear as

the day. • Rabbi Akiva Tatz – sometime life events and /or people in our lives can be those lightning strikes. ‫אל תדין את חברך עד שתגיע למקומו‬.1 How often can you be in someone else’s place? Never 3 stories: A nurse lost a valuable earring at work. The following week she sees a coworker wearing her earring at a meeting. She seethes inside throughout the meeting…finally, before confronting her she checks it out and gets a closer look. Sure enough it was slightly different. She thought she saw something that wasn’t really there.

You call up a babysitter and finally fin one. You tell her how important it is for her to be there on time. You really have to get to __________________. The time comes and she stiffs you. Fails to show up. You keep calling and calling her and her phone is busy. Finally you get through and she explains what happened. She accepted the job because you were desperate. But she didn’t even have a chance to find out who you were before you hung up! So she was trying to call people to try to figure it out. Bar mitzvah photographer: you went to a BM and the photographer is nowhere to be seen. Finally as the desert was being served you see him come in looking harried and disheveled. One week later, a friend of yours calls you up to ask you about hiring a photographer. She throws his name at you. You think to yourself, “How can I recommend someone so irresponsible.” But you’re a good person sop before nixing it you call the photographer and ask him to explain himself. He says, you know what really happened;

they hired someone else who didn’t show up. A last ditch effort they called me to salvage whatever I can. I dropped everything I was doing and ran over there right away…. ‫ – את כ ל הא דם‬the entire person. “I’ll be over soon…” different people mean things in different ways 5 min vs. 45 minutes VII. Let us see what happens when you look at life through the wrong perspective. Another term that can be synonymous with perspective is the term paradigm. It is used to connote a model, theory, perception, assumption or frame of reference. It is the way we see the world – not in terms of visual sense of sight, but in terms of perceiving, understanding, and interpreting. Suppose you want to arrive at a specific location in Baltimore. A street map would help you get there. But if someone gives you a D.C. map you aren't going to find your location. You could work on your behavior, you could try harder, be more diligent, speed up – you'll just to get to the wrong place more efficiently or quicker, but it's still the wrong destination. You could work on your attitude, you could think more positively. You still wouldn't get to the right place, but perhaps you wouldn't care. But the point is you'd be lost it has nothing to do with your behavior or your attitude. It has everything to do with being on the wrong map. Changing the way we behave and our outward attitudes does very little in the long run if we fail to examine the basic paradigms from which those attitudes and behaviors flow. As clearly and objectively as we think we see things, we begin to realize that others see them differently from their

own point of view. These concepts ring true throughout life. Judaism, self awareness, Torah and relationships.

When we switch modalities in life, we gain insight into what it must have been like, the stresses and pressures etc…a tenant becomes a landlord. A Dr. becomes a patient. A child becomes a parent, this gives us a new window into what it means to be in the other’s shoes. When we judge negatively, it’s a cheap way to make ourselves feel good. Better to lift myself. 90% of all conflicts in the workplace are the direct result of people being internally focused rather than externally focused. Subjectivity: However, especially noteworthy is the principle of "detachedness” which is regarded as crucial to the identification of problems. Rabbi Y. Y. Horowitz of Novardock (1976), disciple of the renowned Rabbi Israel Salanter, views this detachment, with the resulting objectivity, as the basis for Teshuvah - without which the individual would be incapable of identifying the areas which required work. In explaining the complications arising from subjectivity, Rabbi Horowitz presents us with a well known parable. A person who had been attempting for some time to become expert at shooting arrows to the center of a bulls eye, once chanced upon a series of bulls eyes, all of which had arrows imbedded in dead center. This person of course assumed that the individual who had shot these arrows was a true marksman, and he set out to find him in order to learn that skill from him. When he found the assumed sharpshooter, he asked him what the secret of his success was. The "sharpshooter" replied, "It is really quite simple. First I shoot the arrow, and wherever it falls, I draw a bull’s eye around it, placing the

arrow in dead center." .. This is also the case, states Rabbi Horowitz, of a person viewing his or her character traits from a subjective viewpoint. No matter what the status of the trait – positive or negative - the individual makes sure to justify it by building his or her self-image in a manner which allows the trait - or behavior - to take on a positive aspect. For example, if a person has an inclination towards hostility, it will be rationalized by claiming it necessary in order to cope with an antagonistic world. It is therefore crucial for the individual to break away from a subjective framework, take up an objective perspective, and examine his behavior critically and honestly. Only after the realization of this important principle is one fit to serve as his own counselor. At this point, after a person has utilized free will in determining shortcomings and/or goals, and has objectively and critically assessed present behavior, he or she is ready to undertake behavior modification, which we will examine in pt. II.

We must learn the art of listening to other people. If Hashem were have to done us a favor and created man and women differently. Men have ears and eyes, and women have the same – except the men’s eyes work while his ears do not work, and the women’s ears work but her eyes don’t. We have ‫ מעלות‬that the other doesn’t. I am missing part of my own self. I can only receive it by plugging into what she has and what I don’t have. When we get married we have ‫ שלום בית‬because we complement each other so beautifully. The problem is that we’ll run into trouble. If we have a conversation:

My dear wife, my impression is that if we look at things in the right way…. I want to explain to you how I see things…my impression is that it seems to exist this way and therefore the most appropriate course of action is as follows… She says, “I don’t like the sound of it. It doesn’t ring true.” He says, what, “Open your eyes can’t you see. Look. See.” She responds, “But listen to the way it sounds!” The truth is that Hashem did do this on a more basic level than the 5 senses, there’s a whole world that is male/female. Everything that is female, we males have no way of being connected to it. When we get married the world opens up to us from a female perspective. Without it we are living a half a reality. A level of quality that one should attain if he has proper shalom bayis. Our understanding changes when we become a full Adam. [yevamos 63] ‫ב ראש ית פ רק א‬ :‫(כז) ויברא אלהים את האדם בצלמו בצלם אלהים ברא אתו זכר ונקבה ברא אתם‬

I would like to suggest that just as man and women are different from each other, similarly, people are different than each other. Therefore, we must learn how to listen: Here are four techniques for listening properly: When we listen we will achieve seeing things from their perspective: The Art of Listening:

Build for me a mishkan, mobile temple. Here’s how to do it. Bezalel construction engineer. Bezalel executes the project and dsoes it. Asah es kol asher tzivah Hashem es moshe ‫ת למ וד בב לי מ סכ ת ב רכ ות דף נה עמ וד א‬ R. Samuel b. Nahmani said in the name of R. Johanan: Bezalel was so called on account of his wisdom. At the time when the Holy One, blessed be He, said to Moses; Go and tell Bezalel to make me a tabernacle, an ark and vessels, Moses went and reversed the order, saying, Make an ark and vessels and a tabernacle. Bezalel said to him: Moses, our Teacher, as a rule a man first builds a house and then brings vessels into it; but you say, Make me an ark and vessels and a tabernacle. Where shall I put the vessels that I am to make? Can it be that the Holy One, blessed be He, said to you, Make a tabernacle, an ark and vessels? Moses replied: Perhaps you were in the shadow of God and knew!

‫אמר רבי שמואל בר נחמני אמר רבי‬ .‫ בצלאל על שם חכמתו נקרא‬:‫יונתן‬ ‫בש עה ש אמר לו הק דוש ב רוך‬ ‫ לך אמור לו‬:‫הוא למ שה‬ ‫לב צלאל עשה לי מש כן א רון‬ ‫ ואמר‬,‫ ה לך משה ו הפך‬,‫וכ לים‬ .‫ עשה אר ון ו כלים ומ שכן‬:‫לו‬ ‫ מנ הגו‬,‫ משה ר בינו‬:‫אמר לו‬ ‫ א דם בונה ב ית‬- ‫של ע ולם‬ ,‫וא חר כך מ כניס ל תוכו כ לים‬ ‫ עשה לי אר ון‬:‫וא תה אומ ר‬ ‫וכ לים ו מש כן! כ לים שא ני‬ ‫ להי כן אכ ניסם? ש מא‬- ‫עו שה‬ :‫כך א מר לך ה קדוש ברוך ה וא‬ ‫ א מר‬.‫עשה מש כן א רון וכ לים‬ ‫ ש מא ב צל אל ה יית‬:‫לו‬ !‫ויד עת‬

So Moshe said it over wrong. How could he say it wrong? Doesn’t that cast into doubt everything that he’s ever said? The greatest prophet ever!

Stop listening to the literal words that she is saying and get to the meaning of what she is really saying. Married Couples: The Angry Couple – Susan and Richard when you love someone you hear everything that they are saying in a few lines. The more you are about them the more you’ll understand what they are really trying to communicate. So work up feelings of affection. [Ironic, during a fight, argument, when you want to hear what you partner is saying, work up real affection. So too god if we want to hear what he is saying. Real love is letting go of what I want for her sake. What’s important to her I more important than what is important to me.; work up affection for G-d than I can hear what He is saying to me. People are solely focused on themselves: Think about what matters to other people. What are their values? What motivated them? What are their drivers? What gets them out of bed every morning and keeps them up at night? People have different communication sty;les: These ideas help you learn how other people want to be spoken to… This way they will feel like you understand them Open ended questions gets you to rich conversation so you undersant what motivates them and what they value. When I communicate with you, it isn’t just about mny needs , but rather its about your needs.

In conversation people tend to ask closed ended questions: yes/no q’s are of low value. You don’t get that much information about me. Even if you ask a better question, it can be closed: what degree to you have? One word answer or short factoid answers the questions. I’m a famous person exercise: [20 questions]… Ask me anything you want? Are you a man or a woman? Are you alive or dead? What can you tell me about yourself that can help me guess who you are? People think that they have to ask small enede questions Yes/no Q’s = low value One factoid = slightly higher value\ Rich open Q’s = very high value Describe your childhood to me. What kind of vacation do you enjoy? What are your dreams for the future? Starters for open ended questions: WIDTH What If Does How Follow-up questions get a lot of detail about people’s values. Example: 3 best childhood memories Mom’s cooking Holidays Vacations

Of these 3 which one is your favorite? Why? [we didn’t have a lot to eat., but mom made a lot with a little, and she did it so beautifully…] Get to the core of what people really want By now you are totally outwardly focused You are seeing things though other people’s perspectives Drill: ask me closed ended questions. Ask me an open ended question, but get a paragraph out of me Probing Triangle [What, which and why?] Person 1 ask me an open ended question, Person 2 follow up his question and my answer to get richer more detail Business priorities: what keeps you up at night and why? Drill: Career advice, spiritual path, vacation spot. 5 minutes each, switch roles and debrief. How well did the person get you? How close were they to understanding you?