Drumes Traducere.docx

Maybe you have found out so far, that I am not anymore. Before leaving in the unknown I wanted to talk to you, to open my heart for the last time before you, but it was hard, very hard. That's why I chose the way of writing, much more lenient, when you can say everything that hurts you, without being interrupted by anyone. I have to confess that I feel guilty about you, yes - guilty... I openly acknowledge the mistake that has made our roads to separate for ever. But not guilty because I cheated on you, as you always believed, but only because I fed the foolish thought of deceiving you. Do not imagine that I'm trying to exculpate myself. What is the use of it? In the face of eternity, the human rejects the mask of lie and hypocrisy, and feels the need for perfect purification, which is given to you only by a sincere, hopeless confession. It's what's happening to me now - on the verge of an unknown world. But let's start from the beginning. No, I can't start before telling you once again, that I loved you, like I didn't love anyone. I mean, I'm wrong: how can I make a comparison when I loved only you? I always wanted you to like me, to be the one you were looking for, and the more I wanted, the less I thought I was. You will smile when I'll confess you that since I was yours, I was feeling better even with myself, and I would say I was really jealous of my own person. You are still my one and only love and I can't ever see myself loving anyone else. The story of this unique love is so unbelievable, that anyone would think it is a figment. When I read Manon Lescaut, I shrugged, smiling, unconvinced. Is it impossible, I was saying to myself, to love so completely, only once in your life? The destiny wanted to give me a rough lesson; has chosen me to confirm the reality of a story, even to overcome it. I'm not complaining! I was so happy for a while, that I think I didn't pay for happiness, at the cost of all the sufferings I endured afterwards. Love is insatiable, with a wild selfishness, want you to sacrifice it all without asking for anything in return, just thanking to what it offers you. I coveted everything from you because I gave you everything. Anyway, something better than me, I could not give you. This is where the error started, from this seemingly fair exchange. But what experience did I have, how to know that love between two beings is not equal, that the balance hangs when in one side, when in another, after the imponderables that we rarely realize. In our case the balance hung in your favor, the chains with which you handcuffed me, were stronger than mine. Why did I judge you by taking me as unit of measure? The man sees himself "superior" because of his self, he is given to love with caution, keeping reserves for himself, so he keeps, at least partially, the balance. While we, the women, when we love, we give ourselves in full, consuming us in such a way that we remain only the shadow of what we have been. That's why our collapse in the absence of the spine is so catastrophic.